In this episode, we're exploring the fascinating relationship between orgasm, dopamine, oxytocin, and effort, and why slower, more intentional pleasure often leaves us feeling more nourished than quick dopamine hits. We'll talk about the neuroscience of pleasure, the difference between relief and true fulfillment, and how your intimate life often mirrors the patterns present in the rest of your relationships.

Find the class I referenced, The “O” Code right here.

About Me

I’m Dr. Caite Gordon: intimacy, sex, and relationship coaching, Doctor of Chinese Medicine, and feminine embodiment teacher.

For more than a decade, I’ve guided women and couples through the landscapes of healing, intimacy, and eros. My work draws from eastern medicine, functional medicine, somatic healing, spirituality, and years spent sitting with thousands of people in life’s most vulnerable and sacred moments.

I’m fascinated by what allows us to become more fully ourselves: to unwind old survival strategies, trust our bodies, create nourishing relationships, and build lives infused with vitality, meaning, and pleasure.

This Substack is an extension of that exploration—a place for conversations about embodiment, women’s health, intimacy, spirituality, and the art of being human.

If these words resonate, I’m glad you’re here.

Connect with me on Instagram

Book a call

In this episode, we're exploring the fascinating roles estrogen, testosterone, dopamine, serotonin, and endorphins play in shaping your experience of pleasure, desire, orgasm, and pain. I'll weave together science, Chinese medicine, and my own observations to help you better understand your body's rhythms so you can work with them instead of wondering what's "wrong" with you.

🫠🌹The Melt class I referenced as an HRT alternative way to support improved vaginal and vulva health and estrogen levels.

About Me

I’m Dr. Caite Gordon: intimacy, sex, and relationship coaching, Doctor of Chinese Medicine, and feminine embodiment teacher.

For more than a decade, I’ve guided women and couples through the landscapes of healing, intimacy, and eros. My work draws from eastern medicine, functional medicine, somatic healing, spirituality, and years spent sitting with thousands of people in life’s most vulnerable and sacred moments.

I’m fascinated by what allows us to become more fully ourselves: to unwind old survival strategies, trust our bodies, create nourishing relationships, and build lives infused with vitality, meaning, and pleasure.

This Substack is an extension of that exploration—a place for conversations about embodiment, women’s health, intimacy, spirituality, and the art of being human.

If these words resonate, I’m glad you’re here.

Connect with me on Instagram

Book a call

Slow dopamine sources: Anything that requires EFFORT to get the reward.

* Walking in nature

* Strength training

* Hiking

* Yoga

* Breathwork

* Meditation

* Gardening

* Cooking from scratch

* Reading a book

* Journaling

* Learning a new skill

* Practicing an instrument

* Making art

* Writing

* Completing a meaningful project

* Organizing your home

* Cleaning a space

* Building consistent routines

* Working toward a long-term goal

* Saving money

* Growing a business

* Deep conversation

* Quality time with friends

* Slow sex

* Volunteering

* Prayer or spiritual practice

* Spending time in sunlight

* Cold exposure

* Sauna

* Rest after effort

* Delayed gratification

* Creating something with your hands

* Studying a subject deeply

* Tracking progress over time

* Keeping promises to yourself

* Solving a difficult problem

* Practicing a craft repeatedly

* Eating a nourishing meal slowly

* Completing a workout

* Watching something grow

* Preparing for a trip or event

* Building intimacy gradually

About Me

I’m Dr. Caite Gordon: intimacy and spirituality coaching, Doctor of Chinese Medicine, and feminine embodiment teacher.

For more than a decade, I’ve guided women and couples through the landscapes of healing, intimacy, and eros. My work draws from eastern medicine, functional medicine, somatic healing, spirituality, and years spent sitting with thousands of people in life’s most vulnerable and sacred moments.

I’m fascinated by what allows us to become more fully ourselves: to unwind old survival strategies, trust our bodies, create nourishing relationships, and build lives infused with vitality, meaning, and pleasure.

This Substack is an extension of that exploration—a place for conversations about embodiment, women’s health, intimacy, spirituality, and the art of being human.

If these words resonate, I’m glad you’re here.

Connect with me on Instagram

Book a call

Four things I want to mention in particular:

* Our propensity for depression can be related to our liver detox genes and nutritional deficiencies, I highly recommend working with a functional med doc before you medicate.

* The dorsal “freeze” response happens when we perceive a threat that we don’t think we are capable of fighting of fleeing from. Our nervous system will choose sympathetic/fight-flight as a first line of defense typically, unless it assesses that something is too dangerous for those to be effective. I hope this gives you compassion for what is underneath depression— some fear, grief, or perceived danger that feels insurmountable.

* Movement isn’t the only thing that helps us come out of dorsal. Co-regulation with other people can help, oxytocin from touch and loving connection can help, and turning towards the source of shame, grief, or fear and taking action can help immensely. This is what good therapeutic or coaching support should help you do!

* I acknowledge there are people and circumstances in which the help of an anti-depressant can be life-changing. The concern I have is my years helping patients wean off those meds and how there is often a backlog of emotion that didn’t get processed in the chemically-masked freeze state. The reason many people can’t cry or orgasm on SSRIs is because the nervous system is still hypo-regulated. The fight-flight responses that come online again as they wean and unthaw can be really tough— insomnia, anxiety, nightmares, panic, racing heart, dizziness, brain zaps, etc. And these can absolutely be helped by a number of other interventions to help regulate the nervous system but the nervous system supportive tools need to be there.

A brief recap of nervous system states referenced in this podcast.

Sympathetic: Your body shifts into protection through action. You may feel anxious, hypervigilant, controlling, restless, irritable, or constantly “on.” This is the fight-or-flight state, where your nervous system is scanning for danger and prioritizing survival over connection, pleasure, or rest.

Dorsal (Dorsal Vagal): Your body shifts into protection through shutdown. You may feel numb, disconnected, exhausted, hopeless, unmotivated, or like you’ve disappeared from yourself. This is the freeze or collapse response, where the nervous system conserves energy by withdrawing when things feel too overwhelming.

Ventral (Ventral Vagal): This is the regulated, connected state where you feel safe enough to be fully present. You experience more ease, curiosity, confidence, playfulness, intimacy, and resilience. From ventral, you’re able to connect deeply with yourself and others, access creativity and pleasure, and respond to challenges with flexibility rather than reactivity.