There was a season when I was very good at being almost ready.

In 2002, I was a single mom working in child welfare. I wanted to move up. I wanted to earn more.

But to do that, I needed a master’s degree and the only program was over an hour away.

I had every reason not to apply.

I was a single mom to a three-year-old.

I didn’t have money for tuition.

I would need to rely on my son’s father to step up.

I would need to drive back and forth every day.

Everything in front of me said, “Don’t bother. You can’t do this.”

But I applied anyway.

I got a full scholarship and a tutorial assistant position.

My son’s father stepped up.

My girlfriend let me stay over a couple nights a week.

My workplace gave me part-time work.

Everything lined up, but I wouldn’t have known that if I hadn’t tried.

That decision changed my life.

Not because the degree itself was magic, but because doing the thing opened doors.

And the biggest lesson I walked away with was this:

Time is going to pass whether you do it or not.

So how do you want to spend it?

The second lesson?

I can do anything I put my mind to.

And that level of confidence is something nothing can beat.

Too often we let the almost stop us.

We let the logistics, the fear, the inner critic with her very good vocabulary talk us out of what our heart is telling us to do.

But what if you can? What if you try?

If you’re in your “almost” season right now, I see you.

The version of you on the other side of the yes is waiting.

What’s the one thing you keep almost doing?

#AlmostReady #InnerCritic #SingleMom #GradSchool #SocialWork #MSW #PersonalGrowth #WomenInLeadership #SelfTrust #FearVsDiscomfort #YoureNotTheBossOfMe #TherapistOnLinkedIn #TimeWillPass #Confidence

The Ego Doesn’t Want You to See It Clearly

Nobody talks about the ego enough. Not in the way it actually matters.

Not the ego as arrogance, but the ego as the part of you that will do almost anything to avoid feeling wrong, inadequate, or exposed.

The ego is why we double down on a decision we know isn’t working. Why we get defensive when feedback is exactly right. Why we sometimes choose familiar suffering over unfamiliar growth.

Here’s what most people miss: your brain processes feeling wrong the same way it processes physical pain. Same neurological signals. So when someone gets defensive — when you get defensive — that’s not a character flaw.

It’s a brain doing its oldest job: keeping you safe.

And that person you’re sure has an over-inflated ego? Sometimes the biggest ego in the room belongs to the most vulnerable person in it, someone working overtime to protect a fragile sense of self.

This is why everything starts with judgment-free awareness.

Not “what’s wrong with them?” or “what’s wrong with me?” but “what is this brain trying to protect me from?”

Because when you can pause and ask that question, a lot of what feels like conflict turns out to be something else entirely: a segue into actually understanding each other.

What’s one pattern you’ve been calling “just who I am” that might actually be your ego keeping you safe?

#TherapistOnLinkedIn #EmotionalIntelligence #PersonalGrowth #Leadership #SelfLeadership #Relationships #Ego #InnerCritic #Defensiveness #ConflictResolution #GrowthMindset #TheJAMEffect #SelfAwareness #Communication

Turns out, according to my husband’s old neighbor, you have to cut away the old growth before the new can come through. I did it. Within weeks, it bloomed.

I haven’t stopped thinking about it since.

We do the same thing, don’t we?

We keep carrying the old, the hurt, the grudges, the version of ourselves that made sense in a different season, and wonder why we’re not blooming.

Sometimes growth isn’t about adding more. It’s about letting go of what’s already dead weight.

What’s the “old growth” you know you need to cut away? 👇

#WhyCantIMoveOn #HowToLetGo #EmotionalIntelligenceCoach #SelfLeadershipExpert #TherapistTips #MentalWellnessJourney #WomenInTransition #HealingIsNotLinear #ProcessingTrauma #ChooseYourselfFirst

This weekend I managed to injure one tiny toe while walking on a deck at my goddaughter’s wedding venue.

Nothing dramatic, no laces, no sprinting, just a missed step and suddenly every movement hurts more than it should.

That little toe has had me hobbling around and reflecting on how often we take the quiet supports in our lives for granted: our bodies, our relationships, our faith, our colleagues, even our own nervous systems keeping us going in the background.

Today’s invitation? PAUSE and notice one small thing that’s quietly holding you up.

If it disappeared tomorrow, you’d feel its absence immediately.

What’s one “small” thing in your life or work you’re grateful for today?

#SelfAwareness #InnerCritic #EmotionalIntelligence #PsychologicalSafety #Leadership #Gratitude #MentalHealthAtWork

We have a real fear of abandonment.

A real fear that setting a boundary means someone we love decides to leave.

And sometimes, that fear is right, sometimes they do leave.

But people come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.

Some outgrow us. We outgrow some.

That’s not failure, that’s just what happens when people grow at different speeds.

I stayed in a job for 19 years, knowing by year 5 that I needed to go.

The golden handcuffs kept me there, you know the benefits, a mortgage, small children, all the “responsible” reasons to stay. When I finally left, everything opened up: entrepreneurship, books, relationships, all of it.

Sometimes I still wonder what might have opened up sooner.

This is the heart of I Before We: learning that a boundary isn’t a wall, it’s a sentence — this is what I will and won’t accept — and that setting one isn’t about losing people.

It’s about making room for what’s actually for you.

Six weeks. Wednesdays, 5:30–7:00 PM ET.

Starting July 15. Fully virtual, women only.

A few seats left.

📍 thematwagroup.com/programs

#IBeforeWe #FearOfAbandonment #BoundariesMatter #GoldenHandcuffs #RelationshipPatterns #HealthyBoundaries #SelfWorth #EmotionalIntelligence #WomenSupportingWomen #InnerWork #TendToTheWound #EverythingHappensForAReason #VirtualWorkshop

I know that sounds dramatic, but it’s true. The amygdala doesn’t distinguish between real physical danger and emotional danger — it just knows unknown means unsafe, and known means safety, even when what’s “known” is actually harmful.

That’s why we repeat what we watched growing up. Not because we’re choosing to, but because our very first caregivers wired our nervous system’s definition of normal. If conflict in your house looked like silence, or yelling, or someone always giving in first — your brain filed that under safety, simply because it was familiar. And it will keep reaching for familiar unless you’re intentional about interrupting it.

This is how intergenerational patterns survive. Not through some conscious decision to repeat harm, but through a brain doing exactly what it’s designed to do: seek the known over the unknown.

The good news is intentionality works. You can’t rewire it by accident, but you can rewire it on purpose. That’s a lot of what we do in I Before We — naming the pattern, understanding where it came from, and building something different in its place.

Six weeks. Wednesdays, 5:30–7:00 PM ET. Starting July 15. Fully virtual, women only. A few seats left.

📍 thematwagroup.com/programs

#IBeforeWe #AttachmentStyles #IntergenerationalPatterns #Neuroscience #EmotionalIntelligence #BreakThePattern #TraumaInformed #RegisteredSocialWorker #InnerWork #TendToTheWound

You are patterned.

And sometimes changing a pattern is smaller than you think.

Your turn: pick a time, set the alarm, and tell me one word for what came up when it went off.

#EmotionalIntelligence #JAMEffect #InnerCritic #SelfLeadership #WomensLeadership #PatternsNotBroken #EmotionalWellness #MentalHealthMatters #GratitudePractice #YoureNotTheBossOfMe

You probably know it. The shoulders drop slightly. The stomach tightens. You start forming the sentence that’s smaller than what you actually think.

Your body knew before you did.

Most of us have been taught to manage our feelings by managing our thoughts. And that works until the feeling hits faster than the thought can form.

That’s where the PAUSE comes in. Not to fix the feeling. Not to talk yourself out of it. But to create enough space to ask:

“Is this moment actually dangerous or does it just feel like one I’ve survived before?”

Your nervous system doesn’t know the difference between a board presentation and a third-grade moment when you said the wrong answer and everyone laughed.

It responds to the feeling of risk, not the actual risk.

This is why some high-functioning people sometimes make their worst decisions in their highest-pressure moments not because they’re not smart enough, but because they’re working from a nervous system that hasn’t gotten the memo that things are different now.

You don’t have to run on instinct. You can PAUSE, check in, and choose.

Where in your life do you most need to practice the pause?

#NervousSystem #PAUSEMethod #InnerCritic #EmotionalIntelligence #PsychologicalSafety #WomenWhoLead #MirrorMoment #SelfLeadership #TherapistOnLinkedIn #YoureNotTheBossOfMe