<![CDATA[Modern Mental Health & Relationships | Overwhelm, Boundaries, Overthinking]]>
jenalleytherapist.substack.com]]>https://jenalleytherapist.substack.com/podcastSubstackWed, 13 May 2026 18:21:20 GMThttps://api.substack.com/feed/podcast/8886781.rssJen AlleyPractical tools to feel less overwhelmed, understand your mind, and build better relationships. I’m a Licensed Professional Counselor sharing real-life mental health and relationship insights.episodicJen Alleyjenalleytherapist@substack.comNo<![CDATA[53: Celebrate, Reflect, and Pivot: Closing Out 2024 and Setting Goals for 2025]]>As we close out 2024 and look ahead to 2025, this final episode of the year is all about celebrating progress, reflecting on what matters most, and embracing the power of pivots. Join me as I share:



  • Why celebrating small wins can boost your motivation and mental wellness.

  • The importance of taking time to reflect and set intentional goals for the year ahead.

  • How to make decisions that align with your values by saying yes to the right things and no to the rest.

  • The power of pivoting when life calls for change.


I’ll also share an exciting announcement about a new joint project for therapists, where you can stay connected with me moving forward, and a heartfelt thank-you to everyone who has supported this podcast.


If you’ve enjoyed this journey, I’d love it if you shared a review—it helps keep the door open for a potential return!


Stay Connected:
www.jenalley.com


https://www.instagram.com/jen.alley.therapist/


Thank you for being part of this community—here’s to a meaningful 2025!



This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit jenalleytherapist.substack.com]]>https://jenalleytherapist.substack.com/p/53-celebrate-reflect-and-pivot-closing-6b5jenalleytherapist.podbean.com/c3e7f8e5-6e68-3bd9-9fb3-5d7f83f13465Thu, 26 Dec 2024 16:49:21 GMTJen Alley, TherapistNo989<![CDATA[52: ADHD Uncovered: Myths, Challenges, and Strengths with Guest Dr. Jessica McCarthy]]>In this episode, we’re joined by the insightful and refreshingly relatable Dr. McCarthy, a clinical neuropsychologist, psychologist, and school psychologist with a knack for putting people at ease. Diagnosed with ADHD later in life and navigating anxiety from an early age, Dr. McCarthy brings both personal and professional wisdom to the table. We dive into her no-nonsense yet compassionate approach to ADHD, the tools that actually help, and why knowledge paired with validation can be life-changing. If you or someone you love has ADHD, this conversation is for you!


 


Resources: 


https://elementspsych.com/about/jessica-mccarthy-psy-d/


https://www.instagram.com/dr.jessica.mccarthy/


 


Want to work with me?


You can learn about the services I offer at www.jenalley.com




This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit jenalleytherapist.substack.com]]>https://jenalleytherapist.substack.com/p/52-adhd-uncovered-myths-challenges-08djenalleytherapist.podbean.com/9bd00177-af35-3806-9cfb-1daebd35f5a9Wed, 18 Dec 2024 11:00:00 GMTJen Alley, TherapistNo3703<![CDATA[51: Thinking About Getting Your Kid a Phone? Tips For Protecting Kids in The Digital Age With Guest Erin Williamson.]]>In this eye-opening episode, I sit down with Erin Williamson, the Chief Programs & Strategy Officer at Love146, an organization dedicated to ending child trafficking and exploitation. With over 20 years of experience working with victims of crime, Erin has become a leading voice in the fight against child exploitation. At Love146, she has developed and implemented prevention education and survivor care programs that have supported over 900 youth.


 


Together, we discuss the critical role modern parents play in safeguarding their children in today’s tech-driven world. Erin shares practical strategies for managing technology use, recognizing warning signs of exploitation, and fostering open communication with kids to build trust and resilience. Whether you’re considering giving your child their first phone or looking for ways to empower your family, this episode offers invaluable insights and tools to help you navigate parenting in the digital age.


 


Tune in to learn how to protect your children and equip them to thrive safely and confidently in an ever-evolving world.


 


Resources: 


https://love146.org/


Practical Tips For Keeping Your Kids Safe: https://love146.org/caregivers/


 


Want to work with me?


You can learn about the services I offer at www.jenalley.com



 


 



This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit jenalleytherapist.substack.com]]>https://jenalleytherapist.substack.com/p/51-thinking-about-getting-your-kid-f23jenalleytherapist.podbean.com/9a0b52d4-af69-3cc8-9004-967eff3fc845Tue, 10 Dec 2024 21:54:00 GMTJen Alley, TherapistNo2508<![CDATA[50: Traumatic Brain Injury Survivor: Nick Prefontaine Shares Story of Resilience and the Power of One Step at a Time]]>At just 14 years old, Nick Prefontaine faced what most of us can't even imagine—a life-threatening snowboarding accident that left him in a coma, with doctors telling his parents he’d never walk, talk, or eat on his own again. But Nick wasn’t about to let that be his story. Not only did he defy the odds, he set a goal to run out of the hospital—and he did. Named a 'Top Motivational Speaker' by Yahoo Finance in 2022, Nick now dedicates his life to inspiring and empowering others, particularly those navigating the challenges of brain injuries. Today, he's sharing his incredible journey of resilience, recovery, and purpose.


 


Resources: 


https://nickprefontaine.com/step/


 


Want to work with me?


You can learn about the services I offer at www.jenalley.com



 



This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit jenalleytherapist.substack.com]]>https://jenalleytherapist.substack.com/p/50-traumatic-brain-injury-survivor-5e0jenalleytherapist.podbean.com/c4abfa9e-504c-3139-a0f3-4c3add98d4bcWed, 04 Dec 2024 11:00:00 GMTJen Alley, TherapistNo2195<![CDATA[49: Eight Practical Tips For Maintaining Your Mental Health This Holiday Season]]>The holidays are here—and while they can be magical, they can also take a real toll on our mental health. Between the Hallmark-worthy fantasies and the messy realities of family drama, unmet expectations, and endless obligations, it’s no wonder so many of us feel anxious, overwhelmed, or even downright depleted during the “most wonderful time of the year.”


For some, the season brings an even deeper layer of challenge—grief, loneliness, or navigating the first holiday without a loved one. If that resonates with you, know that you’re not alone, and we’ll explore those topics in an upcoming episode.


In today’s episode, we’re focusing on the everyday mental health stressors of the holidays. We’ll unpack practical strategies to protect your peace, set boundaries, and focus on what truly matters. 


 


Resources: 


The Art of Gathering by Priya Parker


Boundaries: The Mental Health Coach Episodes 40 and 41 


Gratitude: The Mental Health Coach Episode 33


 


Want to work with me?


You can learn about the services I offer at www.jenalley.com



 


Crisis hotlines: Text HOME to 741741 (for any crisis) 24/7 hotline


Call or text 988 or chat 988lifeline.org (suicide and crisis lifeline) 24/7



This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit jenalleytherapist.substack.com]]>https://jenalleytherapist.substack.com/p/49-eight-practical-tips-for-maintaining-4b8jenalleytherapist.podbean.com/7a420542-2b97-3cc0-84b7-d2918204d706Wed, 27 Nov 2024 15:34:06 GMTJen Alley, TherapistNo947<![CDATA[48: Is Life Feeling Like a Game of Whack-a-Mole, Keeping You Stuck in Reactivity? Get Clear on Your Values to Live with Purpose and Intention.]]>With the holiday season around the corner, it’s easy to get swept up in the whirlwind of events, obligations, and expectations. But what if there was a way to feel more grounded, more connected, and less overwhelmed through it all? Today, we’re talking about the power of knowing your values—both personal and family values—and how they can serve as a compass to guide you not just during the holidays, but in every part of your life. Imagine making decisions that feel true to who you are, setting boundaries that honor what matters most, and creating a home environment that reflects what you and your loved ones truly stand for.


 


Resources: 


https://brenebrown.com/resources/dare-to-lead-list-of-values/


Episode 20: Tired of Living On Autopilot? Incorporate THIS to Help You Live With More Purpose and Intention.


 


Want to work with me?


You can learn about the services I offer at www.jenalley.com



 


 



This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit jenalleytherapist.substack.com]]>https://jenalleytherapist.substack.com/p/48-is-life-feeling-like-a-game-of-b51jenalleytherapist.podbean.com/83afbc8f-c4c1-393e-8113-7c403d02d9fdWed, 20 Nov 2024 11:00:00 GMTJen Alley, TherapistNo1277<![CDATA[47: Feeling Stressed About the Holidays? Tips for Navigating the Season With More Intention and Less Overwhelm]]>We’re kicking off a series on navigating mental and relational health during the holiday season. For many, the holidays can bring anxiety, sadness, grief, and loneliness. Today, we're diving into something that many of us feel but don’t always talk about—holiday stress. Why can this season, which is often advertised as "the most wonderful time of the year," feel so challenging and emotionally draining for so many of us? If you're feeling the weight of the holiday season creeping up, you're not alone. Today, we’ll explore some of the common sources of holiday stress and share strategies to help you navigate this time of year with more peace and intention.


 


Resources: 



 


Want to work with me?


You can learn about the services I offer at www.jenalley.com



 


 



This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit jenalleytherapist.substack.com]]>https://jenalleytherapist.substack.com/p/47-feeling-stressed-about-the-holidays-e9ajenalleytherapist.podbean.com/b1cb96f2-60bb-3798-9d5f-17e12ef17ad0Wed, 13 Nov 2024 11:00:00 GMTJen Alley, TherapistNo1259<![CDATA[46: National Stress Awareness Day: How to Manage Stress and Prioritize Self-Care]]>Today is National Stress Awareness Day – a day to recognize the effects of stress on our lives and learn how to recognize, manage, and reduce it. This episode will help you define stress, understand the impact of chronic stress, encourage you to create a self-care plan as part of your normal routine to promote resilience, and teach you ways to help your body move into safety once you are in stress. 


 


Resources: 



 


Want to work with me?


You can learn about the services I offer at www.jenalley.com



 



This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit jenalleytherapist.substack.com]]>https://jenalleytherapist.substack.com/p/46-national-stress-awareness-day-a4fjenalleytherapist.podbean.com/199e305c-6257-3c23-924c-c41d27074f7fWed, 06 Nov 2024 14:02:30 GMTJen Alley, TherapistNo914<![CDATA[45: How To Repair After Conflict: An Essential Aspect of Individual and Relational Resilience]]>Conflict is inevitable in any close relationship. What's important isn't that we avoid rupture but the desire, skillset, and ability to repair. In this episode, we’re diving into what it means to experience rupture and repair in relationships—and how this can build resilience, deepen intimacy, and foster personal growth. We’ll explore why ruptures happen, how to recognize when they occur, and outline practical steps to repair and rebuild with the people who matter most to us. 


 


Want to work with me?


You can learn about the services I offer at www.jenalley.com



 



This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit jenalleytherapist.substack.com]]>https://jenalleytherapist.substack.com/p/45-how-to-repair-after-conflict-an-7f2jenalleytherapist.podbean.com/8f9e1c6e-611a-3962-8abf-7f4aa6fbb059Wed, 30 Oct 2024 13:59:32 GMTJen Alley, TherapistNo1397<![CDATA[44: Feeling Lonely? Building Connection and Meaningful Adult Friendships in a Busy World.]]>Did you know that the U.S. Surgeon General has called loneliness a public health crisis, with risks as serious as smoking and obesity? Loneliness affects millions of adults, posing real risks to both mental and physical health. In this episode, we’ll uncover why loneliness is so prevalent, how our fast-paced lives and digital connections can often make things worse, and, most importantly,  steps to build fulfilling adult friendships that support well-being.


 


Resources: 


Brené Brown on building trust/the marble jar: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6442YcvEUH8


 


Want to work with me?


You can learn about the services I offer at www.jenalley.com




This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit jenalleytherapist.substack.com]]>https://jenalleytherapist.substack.com/p/44-feeling-lonely-building-connection-1edjenalleytherapist.podbean.com/31267986-ecb7-3206-8fc2-c6098a0b6f5aFri, 25 Oct 2024 21:32:40 GMTJen Alley, TherapistNo1392<![CDATA[43: Do I Have Anxiety or OCD? Understanding OCD with Guest Carrie Bock | OCD Awareness Week]]>Welcome to this episode of The Mental Health Coach podcast! This week is OCD Awareness Week, and we’re diving into an important conversation about obsessive-compulsive disorder with a special guest, Carrie Bock. Carrie is a Licensed Professional Counselor who specializes in helping people navigate the challenges of OCD. Together, we’ll explore the difference between OCD and anxiety, what exacerbates symptoms of OCD, how it impacts people's lives, and what effective treatment looks like.


 


OCD Awareness Week is dedicated to raising awareness, reducing stigma, and providing education about OCD. People with OCD often experience significant distress and impairment in their daily functioning due to their symptoms and around 1/3 of people with OCD do not receive the treatment that they need. Many misconceptions surround the disorder, and this week is an opportunity to provide important information about OCD while dispelling myths and encouraging those who are struggling to seek the treatment they need. Whether you're seeking a better understanding of OCD or looking for ways to support someone with it, this episode is packed with valuable insights. Let’s dive in!


 


About Our Guest: 


Carrie Bock, LPC 


www.carriebock.com


Podcast: Christian Faith and OCD


Instagram: @christianfaithandocd


 


 


Hi friend!
If you've been around for a while, you know I'm passionate about helping you feel less overwhelmed and more connected to yourself and your loved ones. Just like physical fitness or achieving work and financial goals, good mental health requires intentionality—building routines, structure, and practices that support your well-being.


If you're ready to feel more present and less stressed, the first step is identifying the practices that work best for you and making them a priority. That's why I created a free guide: 5 Steps to Discover and Implement Your Non-Negotiables: A Busy Parent’s Guide to Feeling Less Overwhelmed and More Present.


This guide will help you uncover what you need to feel grounded and give you a plan to make it part of your daily life.


Get your free copy today!


Want to work with me?


You can learn about the services I offer at www.jenalley.com




This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit jenalleytherapist.substack.com]]>https://jenalleytherapist.substack.com/p/43-do-i-have-anxiety-or-ocd-understanding-be8jenalleytherapist.podbean.com/bf0d3ca4-7e74-32c3-a12f-eb66f792aff9Wed, 16 Oct 2024 10:00:00 GMTJen Alley, TherapistNo2184<![CDATA[42: Do I Need Mental Health Support? How to Find the Right Help—Your Questions Answered]]>Did you know that 1 in 5 adults in the U.S. experience mental illness each year? For many, that translates into daily struggles with conditions like anxiety, depression, and PTSD, among others. And yet, nearly 50% of those with a mental illness don’t receive treatment. Stigma, lack of access, or simply not knowing where to begin keeps many people from seeking the help they need.


 


In this episode, I will address commonly asked questions and concerns regarding mental health and how to seek help including: 


  • How do I know if I need mental health support? 

  • I am worried about the stigma of needing mental health care.

  • What is the difference between a therapist, a psychologist and a psychiatrist and how do I know which to choose? 

  • How do I know if I need medication for my psychiatric concerns? 

  • How do I find a therapist who is a good fit for me? 

  • Can I use insurance for therapy? 


Want to work with me?


You can learn about the services I offer at www.jenalley.com




This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit jenalleytherapist.substack.com]]>https://jenalleytherapist.substack.com/p/42-do-i-need-mental-health-support-74ajenalleytherapist.podbean.com/ee272705-4dea-37ad-8a96-aa2c8df6f21fWed, 09 Oct 2024 21:10:56 GMTJen Alley, TherapistNo1515<![CDATA[41: Feeling Overwhelmed or Resentful? Learn How to Set Boundaries to Protect Yourself and Your Relationships]]>Last week on the podcast, we had my long-time mentor, friend, and colleague, Juliane Taylor Shore on to talk about her book, Setting Boundaries that Stick. Since that conversation, I have continued to think about boundaries and wanted to highlight a few takeaways from our conversation and also share some other thoughts I have been having about how boundaries are so important, especially as we navigate caring for ourselves, our families, and our relationships.


 


In this episode, we will discuss:


  • How we know we need to set a boundary

  • Why boundaries are an essential part of self-care and relational health for parents

  • Whether our boundaries are too porous or too rigid

  • The difference between a complaint, demand, request, and boundary

  • The importance of taking time outs in relationships

  • How boundaries protect us AND our relationships

  • The grief that come up when we make requests and others aren't willing to meet our need or request


 


Want to work with me?


You can learn about the services I offer at www.jenalley.com



 



This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit jenalleytherapist.substack.com]]>https://jenalleytherapist.substack.com/p/41-feeling-overwhelmed-or-resentful-aa6jenalleytherapist.podbean.com/4e96da71-1213-347c-8ce8-84607b850e2eWed, 02 Oct 2024 10:00:00 GMTJen Alley, TherapistNo1611<![CDATA[40: Setting Boundaries That Stick: Building Practices to Navigate Hard Moments and Build Authentic Relationships with Juliane Taylor Shore]]>We know that boundaries are important, but figuring out what those boundaries should be—and how to enforce them—can be challenging. In this episode, I’m joined by my long-time mentor, friend, and colleague, Juliane Taylor Shore, therapist and author of Setting Boundaries That Stick. Together, we unpack the neuroscience of changing your brain, break down the four types of boundaries, and share a practical example of how setting a containing boundary can help you pause during moments of overwhelm, allowing you to show up in a way that feels more grounded, intentional, and in your integrity in your relationships. If you're ready to strengthen your boundaries and transform your relationship with yourself and others, this episode is a must-listen!


 


About Our Guest: 


Juliane Taylor Shore, LMFT, LPC, SEP, is a therapist, author, and teacher who is creating spaces where people can move into more self-compassion, self-trust, empowerment, and integrity. She regularly teaches and speaks to people from all around the world and translates new understandings in neurobiology into practices that can support brain change. 


She came into the therapy world as a client who argued that feelings didn’t matter only to find herself all these years later having followed neuroscience to the obvious conclusion: we are really feeling and meaning making beings driven by our interdependence. She believes that embracing that reality is key to finding purpose and deep joy.


She is the author of Setting Boundaries that Stick: How Neurobiology Can Help You Rewire Your Brain to Feel Safe, Connected and Empowered. She is an associate Instructor with the Coherence Institute and a core faculty member with Therapy Wisdom.


She lives in Austin, Texas with her husband, Adam, their daughter, Stella, and their rescue pointer mix, Layla. When she isn’t thinking about therapy or reading the latest neurobiology research, she can be found watching the British Baking Show while creating art shoes for her dear friends.


Learn More: https://www.julianetaylorshore.com/


 


Next Steps: 


Want to work with me?


You can learn about the services I offer at www.jenalley.com



 



This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit jenalleytherapist.substack.com]]>https://jenalleytherapist.substack.com/p/40-setting-boundaries-that-stick-4c5jenalleytherapist.podbean.com/e1d3b7fe-3a14-3fb6-9162-65aeacaeced5Thu, 26 Sep 2024 17:13:01 GMTJen Alley, TherapistNo4297<![CDATA[39: Family Law Attorney Shares Insights On Navigating Divorce with Less Conflict And Lower Costs]]>Did you know that nearly 50% of marriages in the U.S. end in divorce, often leaving parents and children emotionally overwhelmed?


 


In this episode, I’m joined by family law attorney and advocate Charles Jamieson to explore actionable steps to help save your marriage, collaborative approaches to navigating divorce that reduce conflict and cost, and important options you need to know when facing this challenging process.


 


Whether you're working to repair your relationship or moving through a separation, this conversation provides valuable guidance for navigating one of life’s toughest transitions.






 


About our guest:


Charles Jamieson, a legal luminary with over 40 years of experience, leads the esteemed Law Firm of Charles D. Jamieson, P.A. Specializing in family rights in divorce cases, he is board-certified in Marital and Family Law, serving as a trusted attorney across more than 20 states. Charles is not only an astute legal mind but also an advocate for vulnerable families, emphasizing a lifelong dedication to equity, integrity, and transformative advocacy.


 


Additional Interviews With Charles: 



 


Connect With Charles Jamieson


 


Next Steps: 


Want to work with me?


You can learn about the services I offer at www.jenalley.com



 



This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit jenalleytherapist.substack.com]]>https://jenalleytherapist.substack.com/p/39-family-law-attorney-shares-insights-13bjenalleytherapist.podbean.com/443122bb-5974-383e-8f20-75b80d938a20Wed, 18 Sep 2024 19:09:21 GMTJen Alley, TherapistNo2103<![CDATA[38: Suicide Prevention Awareness: The Conversation That Could Save A Life]]>September is Suicide Prevention Awareness Month, a time to break the silence around a topic that often feels overwhelming. In today’s episode, we’re addressing suicide head-on—dispelling common myths, recognizing key warning signs, and offering actionable ways to support yourself or loved ones during a crisis.


 


As parents and caregivers, it’s also important to know that suicide is the second leading cause of death among youth aged 10-24 in the U.S. According to the CDC, in 2021, more than 1 in 5 high school students seriously considered suicide, and 1 in 10 made an attempt. These numbers are a sobering reminder of how critical early intervention and open conversations about mental health truly are.


 


Remember, help is always available. Whether through a therapist, a suicide prevention hotline, or community resources, there are people ready to guide you and your loved ones through difficult times. Together, we can create a culture of care, understanding, and hope.


 


Whether you've been personally impacted by suicide or want to be more informed, this conversation could make a life-saving difference.


 


Resources: 


World Health Organization on Suicide Prevention Day 


NAMI on Suicide


NAMI on Navigating A Mental Health Crisis


988 National Suicide & Crisis Line  – text or dial 988 or Chat with Lifeline


National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255 or Chat with Lifeline or Text HOPELINE to 741741


The Trevor Project Lifeline (LGBTQ+): 1-866-488-7386


Crisis Textline: Text HOME to 741741


Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration Disaster Distress Helpline: 1-800-985-5990 or Text TalkWithUs to 66746


Veterans Crisis Line: 1-800-273-8255 or Text 838255


National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)


 


Next Steps: 


Want to work with me?


You can learn about the services I offer at www.jenalley.com



 


 


 


 



This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit jenalleytherapist.substack.com]]>https://jenalleytherapist.substack.com/p/38-suicide-prevention-awareness-the-af1jenalleytherapist.podbean.com/3aff5361-612b-303c-9d6c-486446d4e1ffWed, 11 Sep 2024 10:00:00 GMTJen Alley, TherapistNo1165<![CDATA[37: Therapist Q&A: How to Help Your Anxious Child, Overcoming Perfectionistic Paralysis, and Balancing Accountability and Compassion in Parenting]]>In this episode, we are doing a Q&A where I address three questions from listeners of the podcast: 


 


1. How do I help my college student who is spiraling on the phone with anxiety? 


 


2. I feel paralyzed in my creative endeavors due to perfectionism and fear of failure. What do I do? 


 


3. How do I balance accountability and compassion both in parenting and with myself? 


 


If you have a question or topic suggestion for the podcast, I'd love to hear it. You can submit it at www.jenalley.com/podcast


 


Next Steps: 


Want to work with me?


You can learn about the services I offer at www.jenalley.com



 


 


 


 


 


 



This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit jenalleytherapist.substack.com]]>https://jenalleytherapist.substack.com/p/37-therapist-q-and-a-how-to-help-d5djenalleytherapist.podbean.com/fc4c6cbe-0ca1-39fe-b0dd-abc6c60a4559Wed, 04 Sep 2024 10:00:00 GMTJen Alley, TherapistNo1421<![CDATA[36: Finding Peace: Author Kimberly Byers on Navigating Grief After Losing Her Mom to Cancer]]>National Grief Awareness Day is August 30th and is dedicated to raising awareness of the many ways in which individuals cope with loss. It offers resources to those going through personal losses and reminds us to support people we know who are grieving. 


 


Guest Kimberly Byers, author of Grief Almost Had Me! Peace Brought Me Out: 7 Steps From Grief to Peace, shares her story of her relationship with her mom, her mother's diagnosis of cancer and being her caretaker, and her own personal grief journey. She graciously shares her process and what helped her move through her grief following her mom's death. 


 


About Kimberly Byers: 


www.byherspom.com
Book
Workbook
Journal
Email: kim@byherspom.com
Social media: iamkimbyers
Google: Kimberly L Byers
 

Next Steps: 


Want to work with me?


You can learn about the services I offer at www.jenalley.com



 


 


 


 



This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit jenalleytherapist.substack.com]]>https://jenalleytherapist.substack.com/p/36-finding-peace-author-kimberly-9cejenalleytherapist.podbean.com/0d02862c-a023-30bc-bc70-f69a4de5a294Wed, 28 Aug 2024 10:00:00 GMTJen Alley, TherapistNo2802<![CDATA[35: Change is Hard: Mental Health Strategies for Navigating Life's Transitions]]>Change is an inevitable part of life, but that doesn't make it any easier. Whether you're sending your little one off to school for the first time, settling your kid into their college dorm room, or navigating a major life shift like a new job or moving homes, transitions can be tough. In today's episode, we're diving into the messy, often emotional journey of navigating life's big changes. In this episode, we are going to look at transition through the lens of some of Dr. Brené Brown’s work and identify practical strategies for helping ourselves as we navigate transition.


 


Resources:


Mental Health Daily Tracker


 


Episode 6: Emotions: What They Are, Why They Matter, and How to Navigate Them 


 


Episode 4: The Power of Self-Talk: Unlocking the Magic of Self-Compassion 


 


Episode 31: Tangible Tips if You Are Feeling Overwhelmed or Burned Out 


 


Rising Strong by Brené Brown


 


Today's Sponsor: 


https://realtyit.com/ - Contact to design your dream website. They built my website (jenalley.com)- check it out! 


 


Next Steps: 


Want to work with me?


You can learn about the services I offer at www.jenalley.com



 


 


 


 



This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit jenalleytherapist.substack.com]]>https://jenalleytherapist.substack.com/p/35-change-is-hard-mental-health-strategies-369jenalleytherapist.podbean.com/7cbbd191-7dfe-3249-80bc-95b752006509Wed, 21 Aug 2024 13:05:54 GMTJen Alley, TherapistNo1056<![CDATA[34: From Body or Food Obsession to Freedom: Health Tips from a Physician Assistant-Turned Health Coach]]>Do you feel like you spend a lot of time thinking about your body or your weight or what you should or shouldn’t be eating? If so, you are not alone! We live in a society that is obsessed with thinness and dieting. We know that ruminating about our food intake or our body or how we look promotes low self-esteem and ties our self-worth to a number on the scale or how we look in a bikini. Even worse, it can lead to disordered eating, anxiety, eating disorders and poor mental health.


 


I had the opportunity to interview Kelsey Wickenhauser, a Physicians Assistant turned Health Coach, for the podcast. We discuss nutrition, exercise and habits to promote physical and mental health and to break free from the cycle of obsessing about our bodies and our weight. We also explore ways to help ourselves and our families be more healthy in order to live into who we want to be or who we feel called to be.


 


Guest Info:


Kelsey Wickenhauser: Kelsey is a Physician Assistant turned Christian health coach


 


Kingdom Fit Moms Podcast:
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/kingdom-fit-moms-christian-weight-loss-whole-food-meal/id1689606078


 


Website: kelseywickenhauser.com 


 


Instagram: https://instagram.com/kelseywickenhauser


 


Free Facebook Community: www.facebook.com/groups/fitforlifewithkelsey


Kingdom Fit Moms Community


 


Email: info@Kelseywickenhauser.com


 


Join Fit Moms Accelerator, the #1 Kingdom-minded weight loss boot camp:
www.kelseywickenhauser.com/join


 



This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit jenalleytherapist.substack.com]]>https://jenalleytherapist.substack.com/p/34-from-body-or-food-obsession-to-283jenalleytherapist.podbean.com/fab01431-4d62-30a8-b9f2-bfde57e042b7Wed, 14 Aug 2024 10:00:00 GMTJen Alley, TherapistNo1176<![CDATA[33: Want to Feel Happier and Less Depressed? Implement THIS!]]>Many studies over the past decade have found that people who consciously implement gratitude into their lives tend to be happier and less depressed. While it may sound cliché, there is science to support that practicing gratitude positively impacts our physical, social, emotional, and mental health! 


 


Resources:


The 4 A's of Appreciation According to Brian Tracy: 


  • Appreciation: Actively recognizing and valuing the positive aspects and people in your life

  • Acknowledgement: Consciously acknowledging the good things and feeling thankful for them

  • Admiration: Admiring the qualities, skills, or achievements of others and yourself

  • Affection: Showing love and fondness for the people and things that positively impact your life


Guided mediations for gratitude: https://www.mindful.org/5-guided-meditations-to-fill-your-heart-with-gratitude/


 


Next Steps: 


Want to work with me?


You can learn about the services I offer at www.jenalley.com



 


 


 



This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit jenalleytherapist.substack.com]]>https://jenalleytherapist.substack.com/p/33-want-to-feel-happier-and-less-839jenalleytherapist.podbean.com/93202efa-c26d-392e-ba33-f89bdb96ff4eThu, 01 Aug 2024 13:36:08 GMTJen Alley, TherapistNo940<![CDATA[32: How to Overcome Fear, Shame, and Procrastination To Reach Your Goals]]>Do you ever feel stuck or unmotivated in working toward a goal despite your best efforts? You're not alone. This episode explores common obstacles that hold us back. From procrastination and self-doubt to burnout and fear of failure, we'll talk through effective strategies to overcome these challenges and also tips for giving yourself compassion and grace when things feel hard.


 


Resources and Related Episodes: 


Episode 15: Tips for Learning Your Nervous System and How to Move Back into Regulation to Handle Life's Stressors


 


Episode 14: Getting Real About the Discomfort of Growth and Change


 


Episode 4: The Power of Self-Talk: Unlocking the Magic of Self-Compassion 


 


Next Steps: 


Want to work with me?


You can learn about the services I offer at www.jenalley.com



 


 



This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit jenalleytherapist.substack.com]]>https://jenalleytherapist.substack.com/p/32-how-to-overcome-fear-shame-and-c93jenalleytherapist.podbean.com/820cb04e-6554-3640-9b33-600629f177faWed, 24 Jul 2024 10:00:00 GMTJen Alley, TherapistNo1084<![CDATA[31: Tangible Tips if You are Feeling Overwhelmed or Burned Out]]>It can be hard as an adult to prioritize and find time to take care of our own wants and needs. As a parent, it can feel even harder. The consequences, though, of not identifying and prioritizing our own needs are dire. We might be more on edge with our kids and partners, we might experience chronic unhappiness, and we might experience greater symptoms of anxiety and/or depression. Today, we are going to talk about how to identify and prioritize your needs and take ownership over your own life, even as a busy adult.


 


Resources and Related Episodes: 


Episode 4: The Power of Self-Talk: Unlocking the Magic of Self-Compassion


Episode 6: Emotions: What They Are, Why They Matter, and How to Navigate Them


Episode 8: Organization, Routines, and Non-Negotiables to Decrease Stress + Improve Your Mental Health


 


Book: Real Self Care by Poojah Lakshmin


 


Next Steps: 


 


Want to work with me?


You can learn about the services I offer at www.jenalley.com



 


 



This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit jenalleytherapist.substack.com]]>https://jenalleytherapist.substack.com/p/31-tangible-tips-if-you-are-feeling-93ejenalleytherapist.podbean.com/f02b02b0-1c39-3e07-aab0-a022ae41d3d9Wed, 17 Jul 2024 10:00:00 GMTJen Alley, TherapistNo1487<![CDATA[30: Part 2: Brain Retraining Coach Katie Nickerson Shares How to Rewire Your Brain for Health & Wellness]]>Did you know your brain holds the key to transforming your health?  By retraining your brain, you can calm your nervous system and promote healing from within.


 


Brain Retraining Coach Katie Nickerson shares her knowledge of the nervous system and practical exercises to help move our nervous systems back into a felt sense of safety. She also offers her story of moving from chronic illness back to health through brain retraining (and no, it’s not just positive thinking or all in your head).


 


In this episode, Katie gives additional resources and tools for helping us regularly move back into a state of ventral or safety. 


 


If you missed Part 1 of our conversation, you can find it here.


 


Want to learn more about Katie or work with her? You can find her here:



Free consult Sign up: https://calendly.com/katienickersoncoaching/30min

Email: katie@abodehealingco.com

Website: https://abodehealingco.com/

IG: @abodehealingco
https://www.instagram.com/abodehealingco


 


 


Next Steps: 


 


Want to work with me?


You can learn about the services I offer at www.jenalley.com



 


 



This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit jenalleytherapist.substack.com]]>https://jenalleytherapist.substack.com/p/30-part-2-brain-retraining-coach-ef3jenalleytherapist.podbean.com/5b01a803-9d55-3b09-9cc5-d1dcdb001d9fWed, 10 Jul 2024 10:00:00 GMTJen Alley, TherapistNo1794<![CDATA[29: Part 1: Brain Retraining Coach Katie Nickerson Shares How to Rewire Your Brain for Health & Wellness]]>Did you know your brain holds the key to transforming your health?  By retraining your brain, you can calm your nervous system and promote healing from within.


 


Brain Retraining Coach Katie Nickerson shares her knowledge of the nervous system and practical exercises to help move our nervous systems back into a felt sense of safety. She also offers her story of moving from chronic illness back to health through brain retraining (and no, it’s not just positive thinking or all in your head).


 


In this episode, Katie explores the need for us to be aware of what state our nervous systems are in to protect our own health and to help ourselves heal from negative feedback loops.


 


Be sure to check back next week for Part 2 of our interview!


 


Want to learn more about Katie or work with her? You can find her here:



Free consult Sign up: https://calendly.com/katienickersoncoaching/30min

Email: katie@abodehealingco.com

Website: https://abodehealingco.com/

IG: @abodehealingco
https://www.instagram.com/abodehealingco


 


 


Next Steps: 


 


Want to work with me?


You can learn about the services I offer at www.jenalley.com



 


 



This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit jenalleytherapist.substack.com]]>https://jenalleytherapist.substack.com/p/29-part-1-brain-retraining-coach-277jenalleytherapist.podbean.com/1726124a-fda6-32b1-bf4c-77a848924c72Wed, 03 Jul 2024 10:00:00 GMTJen Alley, TherapistNo1889<![CDATA[28: Breaking the Silence: Men's Mental Health Matters]]>June is Men's Mental Health Awareness Month. Mental health is a crucial aspect of overall well-being, yet men often face unique challenges and stigmas that prevent them from seeking the help they need.


We'll discuss:


  • The societal pressures and expectations that impact men's mental health.

  • Common mental health issues men experience and how they manifest.

  • Practical advice on how to seek help and support loved ones.

  • Resources and practices for maintaining mental well-being.


Let's break the silence together and create a culture where men's mental health is a priority.


Resources: 



 


Next Steps: 
 



 



This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit jenalleytherapist.substack.com]]>https://jenalleytherapist.substack.com/p/28-breaking-the-silence-mens-mental-847jenalleytherapist.podbean.com/e466f052-ad75-3f53-821c-2db5e041a20dWed, 26 Jun 2024 10:00:00 GMTJen Alley, TherapistNo781<![CDATA[27: Navigating Parenthood: Katie Hallberg's Inspiring Story of Raising a Transgender Child]]>Guest Katie Hallberg shares her journey of parenting her transgender son. She offers wisdom for all parents and gives us insight into the internal work that she had to do in order to achieve she and her husband's vision of keeping their family together across time and keeping their then-daughter, now-son, alive. 


 


June is Pride Month which recognizes the impact that lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender individuals have had on history locally, nationally, and internationally. Pride Month is a time of celebration, reflection, and action, honoring the history of the LGBTQ+ movement and advocating for a more inclusive and equitable future.


 


Here are important statistics highlighting the mental health issues that LGBTQ young people face. 


 


Resources: 


The Genderbread Person


LGBTQ+ Mental Health Resources


LGBTQ+ Mental Health Resources Texas


LGBTQ+ Crisis Hotlines


 


Connect with Katie: 


Instagram


 


Next Steps: 
 

Join the Community!


Become a Modern Family Mental Health Insider!


Visit me at www.jenalley.com
Follow me on Instagram @jen.alley.therapist
Leave a written review on Apple Podcasts!



This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit jenalleytherapist.substack.com]]>https://jenalleytherapist.substack.com/p/27-navigating-parenthood-katie-hallbergs-d0ajenalleytherapist.podbean.com/1c105703-566b-32d7-a08f-b34e707b8ecfWed, 19 Jun 2024 10:00:00 GMTJen Alley, TherapistNo2587<![CDATA[26: The Truth About What's Keeping You Upset and In Conflict]]> 
Resources: 
 
Worksheet
 
Next Steps: 
 

Join the Community!


Become a Modern Family Mental Health Insider!


Visit me at www.jenalley.com
Follow me on Instagram @jen.alley.therapist
Leave a written review on Apple Podcasts!



 


Today's Sponsor: https://realtyit.com/ 



This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit jenalleytherapist.substack.com]]>https://jenalleytherapist.substack.com/p/26-the-truth-about-whats-keeping-a72jenalleytherapist.podbean.com/8ecc7a03-ed93-3d6a-94d8-d4d2121ae1d1Wed, 12 Jun 2024 10:00:00 GMTJen Alley, TherapistNo859<![CDATA[25: Ten Tips to Work Toward Thriving Instead of Just Surviving This Summer With Kids At Home]]>How do you feel about summers? While I love having more time with our kids and enjoy the slower pace, it also can be challenging with the lack of structure and lots of togetherness! 


 


This episode will highlight 10 strategies to help your family have a successful summer! 


 


Next Steps: 
 

Join the Community!


Become a Modern Family Mental Health Insider!


Visit me at www.jenalley.com
Follow me on Instagram @jen.alley.therapist
Leave a written review on Apple Podcasts!



 



This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit jenalleytherapist.substack.com]]>https://jenalleytherapist.substack.com/p/25-ten-tips-to-work-toward-thriving-2e2jenalleytherapist.podbean.com/e09729f7-85f4-3bff-b5ea-2a8490f14306Wed, 05 Jun 2024 10:00:00 GMTJen Alley, TherapistNo1403<![CDATA[24: Mental Health and Wellness Part 2: Ask a Therapist- Getting Down to the Basics of Mental Health (Guest Interview with Joy Johnson)]]>I was excited to guest on Joy Johnson's podcast, The Journey to Becoming. Joy is using her platform to spotlight mental health this month for Mental Health Awareness Month after experiencing heartbreaking mental health trauma in her own family. 


You can find Part 1 of our conversation here. 


You can find Joy Johnson on Instagram.


Resources


NAMI
 
Find a therapist
 
Feelings and Needs List
 
Mental Health Tracker/Daily Check-In Sheet
 
Next Steps: 
 

Join the Community!


Become a Modern Family Mental Health Insider!


Visit me at www.jenalley.com
Follow me on Instagram @jen.alley.therapist
Leave a written review on Apple Podcasts!


 


Thanks for listening!


 


 



This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit jenalleytherapist.substack.com]]>https://jenalleytherapist.substack.com/p/24-mental-health-and-wellness-part-e82jenalleytherapist.podbean.com/d939a8f5-e0ba-3ccc-9d37-af3f5b32df85Wed, 29 May 2024 19:42:05 GMTJen Alley, TherapistNo1847<![CDATA[23: Mental Health and Wellness Part 1: Ask a Therapist- Getting Down to the Basics of Mental Health (Guest Interview with Joy Johnson)]]>I was excited to guest on Joy Johnson's podcast, The Journey to Becoming. Joy is using her platform to spotlight mental health this month for Mental Health Awareness Month after experiencing heartbreaking mental health trauma in her own family. 


Part 2 will be aired next Wednesday. 


You can find Joy Johnson on Instagram.


Resources


NAMI
 
Find a therapist
 
Feelings and Needs List
 
Mental Health Tracker/Daily Check-In Sheet
 
Next Steps: 
 

Join the Community!


Become a Modern Family Mental Health Insider!


Visit me at www.jenalley.com
Follow me on Instagram @jen.alley.therapist
Leave a written review on Apple Podcasts!


 


Thanks for listening!


 


 



This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit jenalleytherapist.substack.com]]>https://jenalleytherapist.substack.com/p/23-mental-health-and-wellness-part-ca2jenalleytherapist.podbean.com/a51f343f-d854-3e96-b9f7-17b97e67f165Wed, 22 May 2024 11:00:00 GMTJen Alley, TherapistNo1846<![CDATA[22: Mental Health Awareness Month: Do You Or A Loved One Struggle With Anxiety? Here's What You Need to Know.]]>In light of Mental Health Awareness Month, this episode explores the most commonly diagnosed mental health disorder, anxiety. We will talk about the different anxiety disorders, symptoms, causes, and treatment options. We will also talk about something you need to know about your anxiety AND something you can do to help it! 


 


Next steps:


Join the Community!


Become a Modern Family Mental Health Insider!


Visit me at www.jenalley.com
Follow me on Instagram @jen.alley.therapist
Review this episode!


 


Thanks for listening!


 


 



This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit jenalleytherapist.substack.com]]>https://jenalleytherapist.substack.com/p/22-mental-health-awareness-month-d85jenalleytherapist.podbean.com/7db638bc-d26c-3356-a5b0-b39608401606Wed, 15 May 2024 09:00:00 GMTJen Alley, TherapistNo1445<![CDATA[21: Mental Health Awareness Month: An Overview of What You Need to Know]]>It is Mental Health Awareness Month and this episode explores what mental health is, how to identify if you or someone you know (including your child) might be struggling, ways to support your mental health, and next steps if you or a loved one needs support. 


 


Resources: 


Feelings List


Brené Brown Empathy Short


Next steps:


Join the Community!


Become a Modern Family Mental Health Insider!


Visit me at www.jenalley.com
Follow me on Instagram @jen.alley.therapist
Review this episode!


 


Thanks for listening!


 



This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit jenalleytherapist.substack.com]]>https://jenalleytherapist.substack.com/p/21-mental-health-awareness-month-cfdjenalleytherapist.podbean.com/d1f65f07-f1ed-3544-b6fc-d2c80c580191Wed, 08 May 2024 12:26:58 GMTJen Alley, TherapistNo1402<![CDATA[20: Tired of Living on Autopilot? Incorporate THIS to Help You Live With More Purpose and Intention.]]>Our lives are short and precious, but with the many tasks and demands of adulting (and parenting), it is easy to just push through the days in order to relax (and often numb out) in the evening. If you find yourself going through the motions but not feeling as joyful, present, or excited about life as you'd like to be, this episode offers strategies for helping you identify what you want life to look and feel like and how to make it happen. 


 


Next steps:


Join the Facebook community! 


Visit me at www.jenalley.com
Follow me on Instagram @jen.alley.therapist
Review this episode!


 


Thanks for listening!



This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit jenalleytherapist.substack.com]]>https://jenalleytherapist.substack.com/p/20-tired-of-living-on-autopilot-incorporate-ae6jenalleytherapist.podbean.com/4f053757-c0f8-3231-aa18-6d178f581ea3Wed, 01 May 2024 14:22:23 GMTJen Alley, TherapistNo1099<![CDATA[19: Struggling After Trauma? Here Are 10 Things I Learned About Trauma From Being a Columbine High Student.]]>If trauma has changed you, there is nothing wrong with you and you’re not doing it wrong. Trauma has an ongoing impact on how we think, how we perceive our world, and how we survive our present. This week on the podcast, we are talking about ten things I learned about trauma both from being a student at Columbine High School during the shooting and from my practice as a trauma therapist. This year marks the 25th anniversary of the shooting. 
 
It is my hope to share some of the insights from my own experience with you to support your own journey through trauma. 


 


Resources: 


The Body Keeps the Score


 


Next steps:
Visit me at www.jenalley.com
Follow me on Instagram @jen.alley.therapist
Review this episode!


 


Thanks for listening!



This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit jenalleytherapist.substack.com]]>https://jenalleytherapist.substack.com/p/19-struggling-after-trauma-here-are-5cejenalleytherapist.podbean.com/fa4ca2f6-b1ff-322d-9708-4f248a6dbe79Wed, 24 Apr 2024 13:00:00 GMTJen Alley, TherapistNo1685<![CDATA[18: Struggling or Going Through Something Hard? Here Are Tips to Get You Through.]]>We all go through tough times. When we are having a hard time, it is easy to want to numb out, withdraw, or ruminate. This episode provides strategies to help you navigate the difficult or uncertain seasons of life. 


 


Next steps:
Visit me at www.jenalley.com
Follow me on Instagram @jen.alley.therapist
Review this episode!
Thanks for listening!


 


Resource: 


Episode 6: Emotions: What They Are, Why They Matter, and How to Navigate Them



This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit jenalleytherapist.substack.com]]>https://jenalleytherapist.substack.com/p/18-struggling-or-going-through-something-5e0jenalleytherapist.podbean.com/25244efe-4645-3284-ac7a-4a92adda6a84Thu, 18 Apr 2024 22:51:44 GMTJen Alley, TherapistNo1012<![CDATA[17: Want to Feel More Creative & Energized and Less Anxious or Depressed? Try this.]]>In a world that values productivity and checking things off of the to do list, it can feel like we don't have time to rest. Studies show, though, that we don't have time NOT to rest.



Rest (while we are awake) can take many forms, but the main idea is that we move from an external focused state where we are DOING to an inward state where we are BEING. Whether it is active rest or more passive rest like sitting on the couch meditating, it is vital for brain health as well as boosting creativity, problem solving, and energy that we take breaks to rest.



If rest feels weird or unsafe for you, it may take practice getting used to not actively doing something or taking in information from a screen to distract you from your internal world. You also may need support from an experiential therapist to help move rest from feeling less okay to more okay.



Please also listen to Episode 6 which explores emotions as well as Episode 4 on self-compassion for more information.



You also might check out this Ted Talk and article on the seven types of rest that every person needs.



Next steps:


Visit me at www.jenalley.com


Follow me on Instagram @jen.alley.therapist


Review this episode!


Thanks for listening!



This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit jenalleytherapist.substack.com]]>https://jenalleytherapist.substack.com/p/17-want-to-feel-more-creative-and-223Kajabi-2148582664Wed, 10 Apr 2024 13:00:00 GMTJen Alley, TherapistNo813<![CDATA[16: I Feel Lonely and Disconnected. What Can I Do About It?]]>In this episode, we explore the pathway to connection and leaning into vulnerability in order to feel less alone and more fulfilled in our relationships.



Nearly 60% of the US adult population reports feeling lonely on a regular basis. Loneliness may be a huge public health threat regarding the impact it has on our minds and bodies.



In thinking about the causes of loneliness, I think that America’s value of rugged individualism in addition to social media, technology, and busyness are all contributing factors. We often don’t have time or make time for connection and when we do, it is shallow.



It takes spending both quality and quantity time with people to really build relationship, to trust, and to know the ins and outs of one another’s lives. For those of us who were in college pre-iPhone, think back to your days at university. If you had a core group of friends, you likely spent tons of time studying, making food, exercising, and just hanging out with one another. This led to closeness and deep connection.



While adulthood already presents challenges to this type of relationship because of increasing responsibilities and less dedicated time, I think the iPhone, streaming services like Netflix, and technology at large has made us even more distant and less connected to our neighbors and community members. Social media also paints idyllic pictures of the avatar that people want to present to the world- a polished version of oneself. Consequently, we are often comparing our insides to others’ outsides and are even less likely to be open and vulnerable with others. And, without quality time and trust, it is even less likely that we will be vulnerable in the relationships that we do have.



I believe that one of the anecdotes to this is being more real and honest about the things that are happening in our lives and who we are. It takes courage to be vulnerable or to be the first person to say, “I am struggling.” Or, “This hard thing is happening.” But when it is met with compassion and connection, we feel less alone, more connected, happier, and healthier.



Today’s episode on A Mental Health Podcast, Between the Two of Us, explores the power of vulnerability in our relationships. It can be found on Spotify and Apple Podcasts.



Resources:


Brené Brown's Ted Talk, The Power of Vulnerability





This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit jenalleytherapist.substack.com]]>https://jenalleytherapist.substack.com/p/16-i-feel-lonely-and-disconnected-1d8Kajabi-2148577605Wed, 03 Apr 2024 13:00:00 GMTJen Alley, TherapistNo890<![CDATA[15: Tips for Learning Your Nervous System and How to Move Back Into Regulation to Handle Life’s Stressors]]>The "window of tolerance" is a concept commonly used in psychology and mental health to describe an optimal state of arousal where a person is best able to manage stressors and emotions effectively. It's essentially a zone where you feel safe, regulated, and capable of dealing with whatever life throws your way.



Our window fluctuates based on many factors and se all move outside of our window of tolerance at times. Certain emotions or situations may cause you to repeatedly move outside of your window. Techniques like mindfulness, grounding exercises, and therapy can help you widen your window of tolerance and develop resilience in the face of adversity.



Resources:


Window of Tolerance Image and Description (NICABM)



This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit jenalleytherapist.substack.com]]>https://jenalleytherapist.substack.com/p/15-tips-for-learning-your-nervous-476Kajabi-2148574606Wed, 27 Mar 2024 13:00:00 GMTJen Alley, TherapistNo1278<![CDATA[14: Getting Real About The Discomfort of Growth and Change]]>If you lived to be 78, the average age of death, how many years do you have left? That might sound morbid, but I think there is something powerful about helping us to prioritize and be intentional with our lives and relationships when we are reminded of its brevity.



Many of the things that we want for our lives require us stepping outside of our comfort zone. Most things that are worth doing and having (from a good relationship to scaling a mountain to finally owning that dream lake house) come through intention, hard work, and some discomfort.



What is important to you? As Mary Oliver surmises, “Doesn’t everything die at last, and too soon? Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one and precious life?”



If you want help identifying what is important to you and how to be more intentional, here is a free resource for you!



This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit jenalleytherapist.substack.com]]>https://jenalleytherapist.substack.com/p/14-getting-real-about-the-discomfort-2baKajabi-2148570447Wed, 20 Mar 2024 05:00:00 GMTJen Alley, TherapistNo747<![CDATA[13: How Do I Talk With My Kids About Body Safety And Try To Keep Them Safe From Sexual Abuse?]]>Child sexual abuse is a significant health issue with lasting impact for survivors. Over 90% of perpetrators are someone that child knows and is familiar with.

We are all responsible for teaching our children about their bodies, boundaries, and creating as much safety as possible within our own homes and communities.

This week’s podcast is all about how to talk with your children about their bodies, ok versus not ok touch, body boundaries, and helping you as the caregiver identify grooming behaviors.



Resources & Further Reading:


https://www.cfchildren.org/wp-content/uploads/resources/child-abuse-prevention/docs/all-ages-sexual-abuse-prevention-conversation-guide.pdf


https://www.rainn.org/articles/how-can-i-protect-my-child-sexual-assault


https://www.safeaustin.org/get-help/child-safety/


https://bravehearts.org.au/about-child-sexual-abuse/what-are-the-signs-of-child-sexual-abuse/


https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/pdf/can/CSA-Factsheet_508.pdf


https://childmind.org/article/10-ways-to-teach-your-child-the-skills-to-prevent-sexual-abuse/


On Instagram:


@cacoftexas


@jennaquinnlove


Books:


Let's Talk About Body Boundaries, Consent and Respect: Teach children about body ownership, respect, feelings, choices and recognizing bullying behaviors


My Body Belongs To Me From My Head to My Toes


Body Boundaries Make Me Stronger


Yes! No! A First Conversation About Consent


Body Safety Book for Kids


Next Steps:


You can find me at jenalley.com or follow me @jen.alley.therapist on Instagram.


Please be sure to subscribe to the podcast so you don't miss an episode.


Leave a review so more friends can join us!


Share this episode with a friend.


Thanks for listening!









This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit jenalleytherapist.substack.com]]>https://jenalleytherapist.substack.com/p/13-how-do-i-talk-with-my-kids-about-268Kajabi-2148563434Wed, 06 Mar 2024 06:00:00 GMTJen Alley, TherapistNo1618<![CDATA[12: Why Do I Continue to Repeat Behaviors That I Want to Stop, And What Can I Do?]]>We all have behaviors and symptoms that we don't feel serve us and that we wish we could stop doing or get rid of. Whether it is sabotaging relationships despite wanting closeness, overreacting in specific situations, or experiencing anxiety, hyper-vigilance, people pleasing, or any other symptom or behavior, somehow they make sense or have coherence within our systems.


When we are triggered or have a symptom or behavior that is consistently coming up, it is important to practice curiosity instead of judgement, use "It makes sense..." to explore instead of feeling like we shouldn't be doing it or having the feeling, and practice compassion for ourselves/for the part that is struggling, and finally, look for experiences that are a mismatch to what we are expecting to have happen. Our brain learns through experiences. The most important first step, though, is to recognize that the repetitive symptom or behavior has deeper roots than whatever is happening in that current moment. Therapy may be needed to help you uncover its origins.



Next Steps:


You can find me at jenalley.com or follow me @jen.alley.therapist on Instagram.


Please be sure to subscribe to the podcast so you don't miss an episode.


Leave a review so more friends can join us!


Share this episode with a friend.


Thanks for listening!





This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit jenalleytherapist.substack.com]]>https://jenalleytherapist.substack.com/p/12-why-do-i-continue-to-repeat-behaviors-508Kajabi-2148560967Wed, 28 Feb 2024 06:00:00 GMTJen Alley, TherapistNo1425<![CDATA[11: Guest Bess Hilpert Shares Her Experiences of Childhood Abuse and Trauma and Her Journey Toward Healing and Finding ”I”]]>Trigger warning: This episode includes dialogue around sensitive issues including childhood abuse, neglect, sexual abuse, rape, suicidal ideation and suicide. Please take care of yourself and seek appropriate help if you need support.



Did you experience childhood trauma or abuse? Adverse childhood experiences are defined as traumatic events that happen between ages one and seventeen.



They include:


  • Physical abuse

  • Sexual abuse

  • Emotional abuse

  • Emotional neglect

  • Physical neglect

  • Mentally ill, depressed, or suicidal person in the home

  • Drug addicted or alcoholic family member

  • Witnessing domestic violence

  • Loss of a parent to death or abandonment by parental divorce

  • Incarceration of any family member for a crime



Research shows that these experiences have a profound impact on both mental and physical health throughout the lifespan. The CDC shares that 61% of adults had at least one ACE and 16% experienced four or more ACEs. Last year alone, there were 3.5 million reports of child abuse reported in the United States.



I am so grateful to author and activist Bess Hilpert for sharing her story of childhood abuse and trauma as well as the healing journey she has been on. Bess is passionate about bringing awareness to the impact of ACEs and is making it her mission to give permission to others to share their story by sharing her own.



Resources:


Finding I: A Journey of Repair by Bess Hilpert


Adverse Childhood Experiences Questionnaire


FindingI.org


Subscribe to Bess's newsletter


Sponsor for today's podcast: RealtyIT



Next Steps:


You can find me at jenalley.com or follow me @jen.alley.therapist on Instagram.


Please be sure to subscribe to the podcast so you don't miss an episode.


Leave a review so more friends can join us!


Share this episode with a friend.





This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit jenalleytherapist.substack.com]]>https://jenalleytherapist.substack.com/p/11-guest-bess-hilpert-shares-her-bacKajabi-2148549338Wed, 21 Feb 2024 06:00:00 GMTJen Alley, TherapistNo3766<![CDATA[10: Why Does Conflict Go Badly With My Partner, And What Can We Do Differently?]]>Every couple (and relationship) has conflict. Many times, we don't act how we want to or may feel like we turn into a different version of ourselves when conflict happens. For example, we may rage or withdraw, we may shut down or move into people pleasing.


Often, when we have an oversize reaction to the situation at hand, it is because of information from our history or family of origin that is getting tugged on (even if we aren't aware of it).


This episode dives into Terry Real's work (he is the founder of Relational Life Therapy). We explore the parts of us that often take over during conflict or when our bodies and brains are perceiving something as unsafe, and we talk about what we can do to have healthier, more constructive conflict and connection with our partner.


Resources:


I want to be closer to my partner! - this PDF download gives research-backed actionable ideas of what to do and what not to do in your relationship to nurture the relationship. It also includes a curated list of further reading and podcast episodes by experts in the field of romantic relationships.


Terry Real's Time Out Rules


My New Website: www.jenalley.com


Today's sponsor: https://realtyit.com/ - They specialize in websites for real estate but can also create custom websites for companies in any industry. They just created my new, custom website from scratch. Check it out here!




This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit jenalleytherapist.substack.com]]>https://jenalleytherapist.substack.com/p/10-why-does-conflict-go-badly-with-8d2Kajabi-2148530459Wed, 14 Feb 2024 13:00:00 GMTJen Alley, TherapistNo2034<![CDATA[9: Get Back That Lovin’ Feeling: What To Do And What Not To Do In Your Relationship With Your Partner]]>Do you feel like you and your partner have fallen into routines of co-managing but you are missing that connection and spark? Are you wanting to feel closer to your partner? If so, this episode is for you.


Using research from the Gottman Institute's Love Lab, we will explore both the do's and dont's to a healthy, happy relationship.


We know from the Gottman Institute that emotionally disengaged couples divorce an average of 16.2 years after their wedding. BUT we also know from their research that connection, trust and happy relationships are made in the many small interactions and moments of our lives. The great news is that with intentionality, we can use these small moments and interactions to warm the relationship back up.


I want to feel closer to my partner! I have created a free download for you that has specific and practical ideas for creating more connection and intimacy in your relationship. It also has links to additional resources that will be helpful for you to read and listen to.


Additional resource: Sound Relational House


Be sure to follow me on Instagram @Jen.alley.therapist



This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit jenalleytherapist.substack.com]]>https://jenalleytherapist.substack.com/p/9-get-back-that-lovin-feeling-what-656Kajabi-2148509060Wed, 07 Feb 2024 14:00:00 GMTJen Alley, TherapistNo1873<![CDATA[8: Organization, Routines, and Non-Negotiables to Decrease Stress + Improve Your Mental Health]]>What does cleaning, organizing, and identifying your core needs have to do with mental health? As it turns out, there is a lot of evidence to support that organization, rhythms, clean spaces, and routines can help our mental health and wellness by providing structure, consistency, and focus in our lives.



Between being a wife, a mom to two school age kids, my private practice, and my podcast/blogging/creator endeavors, I have many balls in the air. On one hand, I like variety and pursuing various interests. But what I have realized in my own life and see among my female friends and clients who are also moms, women often carry the mental and physical load of the household. The result often ends up leaving moms scattered and not tending to their own physical, mental, and emotional needs. Additionally, it can leave parents, particularly moms, feeling like life is a game of whac-a-mole, focusing our attention on whatever pops up next. Of course, this is generalized as there are some dads who also carry more of the mental and physical toll of the household, but this role still falls predominantly on women.



Identifying our non-negotiables, or fundamental needs as Chelsi Jo (podcast host of Systematize Your Life) calls them, helps us to prioritize the things that will help us in the busyness of life. Examples of non-negotiables or fundamental needs include tidying, date night, personal time, exercise, a certain amount of sleep, and meal planning. Creating a structure for those needs and rhythms and adding them to our calendar can be a game changer so we actually make time to do the things that will help us to thrive.



What are your non-negotiables? What are the structures and routines that decrease your stress and help your mood, ability to focus, and life to run more smoothly?



Resources:


Systematize Your Life Podcast


A Slob Comes Clean Podcast


App: Day One Journal


Help me figure out my non-negotiables!



This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit jenalleytherapist.substack.com]]>https://jenalleytherapist.substack.com/p/8-organization-routines-and-non-negotiables-2f9Kajabi-2148487019Wed, 31 Jan 2024 06:28:00 GMTJen Alley, TherapistNo2647<![CDATA[7: Navigating Stress: A Guide to Understanding and Managing It]]>Stress is an inherent biological response to a perceived threat, triggering a cascade of chemicals and hormones such as adrenaline and cortisol throughout the body. This evolutionary adaptive mechanism, designed for immediate problem-solving in moments of danger, can, unfortunately, lead to a perpetual cycle of stress in modern life.


Types of Stress:


Acute Stress: A physiological and psychological reaction to a specific event. Once the danger subsides, the body returns to a relaxed state.


Severe Acute Stress: Occurs when an event is perceived as life-threatening, potentially leading to conditions like PTSD and other mental health issues.


Episodic Acute Stress: Results from frequent episodes of acute stress, impacting physical and emotional well-being. For instance, constant worry or crisis situations can contribute to this form of stress.


Chronic Stress: A sustained feeling of pressure or being overwhelmed over an extended period, draining psychological resources and adversely affecting mental and physical health.



Common Manifestations of Stress:


  • Anxiety

  • Irritability

  • Anger

  • Overwhelmed/feeling fear or dread

  • Loss of interest

  • Racing thoughts

  • Difficulty concentrating

  • Physical symptoms like headaches, body pain, and upset stomach

  • Tension

  • Clenching/grinding teeth

  • Changes in libido

  • Restlessness

  • Withdrawal

  • Substance use/abuse

  • Overspending

  • Panic attacks

  • Sleep and appetite changes

  • High blood pressure

  • Chest pain

  • Fatigue

  • Weight changes

  • Hormone fluctuations

  • Exacerbation of mental health conditions



A.Z. Reznick identified a specific stress response cycle comprising four phases:


  1. Resting Ground State

  2. Tension/Strain Phase

  3. Response Phase

  4. Relief Phase (Physiological and Psychological)


The Nagoski sisters, authors of Burnout, suggest methods to complete the stress response cycle, helping our bodies recognize safety. Failure to complete this cycle can result in the persistence of stress continuing in our bodies.



How to Complete the Stress Response Cycle:


Our lower brain communicates through movement and sensation. Examples of ways to complete the stress response cycle include:


  • Yoga

  • Deep breathing

  • Tai Chi

  • Brisk walks

  • Progressive muscle relaxation

  • Laughter

  • Creative expression

  • Grounding techniques

  • Meditation

  • Emotional release (e.g., crying)

  • Physical touch (e.g., long hugs)

  • Sensory experiences (e.g., )

  • Breathing exercises (e.g., belly breathing) R

  • hythmic activities (e.g., rocking, dancing)



Practices for General Stress Management:


  • Regular exercise

  • Balanced nutrition

  • Effective time management

  • Realistic goal-setting

  • Adequate sleep

  • Leisure and recreational activities

  • Nurturing social connections

  • Minimizing substance use

  • Learning stress reduction skills

  • Practicing mindfulness



The Ultimate Goal:


The aim is not to eliminate stress entirely but to complete the stress response cycle. Developing an adaptive and flexible nervous system allows for a smoother transition between safety and danger, promoting overall well-being. Recognizing stress as a natural part of life, adopting coping strategies, and nurturing a healthy lifestyle contribute to achieving this goal.


Resource: Podcast episode: Brené Brown with Nagoski sisters on Burnout



This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit jenalleytherapist.substack.com]]>https://jenalleytherapist.substack.com/p/7-navigating-stress-a-guide-to-understanding-788Kajabi-2148466100Wed, 24 Jan 2024 06:00:00 GMTJen Alley, TherapistNo1754<![CDATA[6: Emotions: What They Are, Why They Matter, and How to Navigate Them]]>Emotions get a bad rap in our society. However, emotions help us to understand ourselves and our world better. Our emotions help us understand who we are, what matters to us, how we feel toward our relationships, and what we need. They give our lives and experiences meaning. Without our emotions, we wouldn’t be ourselves.


We are constantly experiencing emotions and sensations in response to our ever-changing environment which translate into feelings, predictions, and behavior. In other words, we really can’t get away from our emotions!


Understanding our emotional world better then helps us to be in the driver seat instead of being unconsciously driven by our emotions. A lot of my work with clients is to help them learn about their emotions and to see that they are giving them information about how they are doing in the world. In our society, we learn to judge or criticize or brush off our feelings as they are seen as unimportant or even a nuisance.


Emotions are giving us really good information in real time about how we are doing with what is going on in the present or how we are doing when we are thinking about a relationship, something that has happened or something we think might happen. We are constantly encoding data and taking in information about what is happening around us. Much of this, obviously, lies beneath the surface of our awareness. This data includes memories, sensations, meanings, images, behavior, and affect.


When an emotion comes up, it is layered with much of this unconscious data from our history. Let’s imagine that when you were a child, you ate chocolate chip cookies at your grandmother’s house. It was a place that felt safe and nurturing for you. When you eat chocolate chip cookies now, you always have a warm sensation and feel soothed (but you might not have any understanding of why that is if you haven’t spent time making sense of it).


Emotions aren’t good or bad and won’t kill you (although many of us feel scared of them, especially the ones that feel harder to process). The best way to move through them is to notice what is happening (I am having an emotion), be curious about the emotion (instead of judgmental or critical), name the emotion, and then practice compassion toward that emotion. This will help us to process through the emotion much more quickly and helpfully. Adding resistance to the feeling only causes us more suffering!


Being with someone we trust as we experience a difficult feeling can also be super helpful. All of this can be applied toward parenting or being with a loved one when they are having a hard feeling.


I highly recommend Dr. Marc Brackett’s book, Permission to Feel and Atlas of the Heart by Dr. Brené Brown. They also have a great podcast together. Brené Brown also has an HBO special on emotions.


You might also print out a handout that details feelings. We know that the more we are able to name the specific feeling, the more it can calm the amygdala when we are experiencing fear or a strong emotional response. It also helps us understand HOW we are doing. Brené Brown has a helpful PDF of 87 human emotions and experiences and I also love the handout from the Center for Nonviolent Communication which helps us identify our emotions, the story we are making up, our unmet needs, and our request. Here is a guided meditation to help you name your emotions.


If you would like a daily tracker to help you identify your feelings and check in with yourself each day, click here. Finally, here are three of my favorite people to follow on Instagram regarding modern day parenting: @drbeckyatgoodinside, @maryvangeffen and @attachmentnerd.



This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit jenalleytherapist.substack.com]]>https://jenalleytherapist.substack.com/p/6-emotions-what-they-are-why-they-73fKajabi-2148447979Wed, 17 Jan 2024 11:00:00 GMTJen Alley, TherapistNo1923<![CDATA[5: How Conscious Awareness Can Improve Your Life & Relationships + How to Teach Your Kids About Their Internal Worlds]]>Teaching individuals to observe their own minds and stay attuned to their inner workings is one of the most important skills I teach as a mental health therapist. Our lives often slip into autopilot, as highlighted in a 2010 Harvard study suggesting the average person spends nearly half their day on autopilot, their thoughts adrift. Curiously, the more we operate on autopilot without attention or awareness, the less content we tend to feel.



It makes sense that we go about our days on autopilot as our brains prefer automating routines to conserve energy. It's a gift in many ways, enabling us to function effortlessly in familiar settings. Yet, if we move about our lives entirely in this automatic mode, we lose touch with the present and it becomes challenging to cultivate awareness. Without this awareness, connecting with ourselves or nurturing healthy relationships becomes difficult, and our pursuit of happiness is hindered.



Mindfulness, the practice of purposeful presence, offers us more than just happiness; it aids us in moments of struggle. Consider a scenario where a morning meltdown unfolds—my child in distress, and my own frustrations bubbling up. Amidst this chaos, awareness granted me a crucial pause—a moment to observe the situation and my emotional response. This space allowed for a different, more thoughtful reaction, steering away from automatic, reactive behaviors.



Understanding the distinction between the mind and the brain is important. According to psychiatrist Dan Siegel, the mind is an embodied and relational process that regulates energy and information flow throughout our body. Remarkably, our minds can influence our brain's structure through experiences. Positive experiences, like offering kindness instead of criticism (if taken in with awareness) can rewire our brains, fostering growth and self-regulation.



Siegel terms this ability to perceive the mind of the self and others "Mindsight." It is powerful tool for understanding ourselves and our inner worlds with more clarity and it helps us to integrate our brain and enhances our ability to relate to others.



Developing mindsight isn't an instant transformation but a gradual process. Starting with mindful exercises and exploring our emotional landscape, we can chart a path toward deeper self-awareness. It's a journey where curiosity, openness, and acceptance pave the way for personal growth and more harmonious relationships.



Practical strategies, like the Wheel of Awareness or BASIC (Behavior, Affect, Sensation, Images, Cognitions), offer structured approaches to cultivate mindfulness and awareness. However, the initial stages might feel overwhelming or disconcerting, a common response when diving into one's inner world. Grounding techniques and seeking support through therapy or community can ease this transition.



The STOP method—Stop, Take a breath, Observe, Proceed mindfully—serves as a powerful tool in moments of stress or overwhelm. It allows us to pause, observe our thoughts and emotions, and proceed with intentionality.



Exploring awareness and mindsight isn't just a personal endeavor but an opportunity to foster these skills in our children. Reflecting their inner worlds back to them, helping them navigate emotions and thoughts, contributes to their mindsight development.



Remember, this journey toward greater awareness isn't about achieving perfection but about embracing the process of self-discovery and growth. It's about carving out moments to observe, to reflect, and to respond consciously in order to know ourselves better, to improve our self and emotional regulation, to improve our mental health, and to improve our relationships.



Resources:


Guided Meditation (Dan Sigel)- Wheel of Awareness


Dan Sigel Books - I especially recommend The Whole Brained Child, No Drama Discipline, and Parenting From the Inside Out for parenting books


Brené Brown’s list of feeling words


NVC List of Feelings/Needs



This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit jenalleytherapist.substack.com]]>https://jenalleytherapist.substack.com/p/5-how-conscious-awareness-can-improve-1d8Kajabi-2148428922Wed, 10 Jan 2024 14:00:00 GMTJen Alley, TherapistNo1881<![CDATA[4: The Power of Self-Talk: Unlocking the Magic of Self-Compassion]]>How do you talk to yourself? Have you ever thought about it? Most of us have a running dialogue going much of the time be it positive, negative or neutral. How do you talk to yourself when something hard or bad happens or when you make a mistake?



While it might sound woo-woo, being compassionate with ourselves is strongly associated with positive psychological well-being. People with higher levels of self-compassion report feeling more happy, optimistic, curious, and connected. They also experience decreased depression, anxiety, fear of failure, and rumination.



Self-talk: it's that constant conversation we have with ourselves, often running in the background. Some days it's uplifting, some days it's not, and sometimes, it's merely a stream of neutral thoughts. What we often overlook is the tremendous impact of how we talk to ourselves. Enter the world of self-compassion—a game-changer in the way we perceive and speak to ourselves.



Picture this: you make a mistake. What's your internal dialogue like? Is it self-critical, judgmental, or understanding and supportive? It turns out that this self-talk matters immensely. Negative self-talk can spiral into anxiety, depression, and shame, creating a belief that we are fundamentally flawed. Enter the internal critic—a voice that can dominate our thoughts, feeding into feelings of inadequacy or unworthiness.



But here's the silver lining: with neuroplasticity, change is possible. That's where self-compassion swoops in. It might sound a bit "woo-woo," but research backs it up. Self-compassion involves extending understanding and support to ourselves in times of failure, inadequacy, or suffering—essentially treating ourselves with the same kindness we'd offer to a loved one.



Dr. Kristin Neff, a prominent figure in the field of self-compassion, highlights its significance in fostering emotional resilience, psychological health, and overall well-being. It's not just a fluffy concept; it's a powerful tool with tangible benefits. Self-compassion involves three crucial components:



  • Self-kindness vs. self-judgment: Instead of harsh criticism, it's about being understanding and caring toward ourselves, acknowledging our imperfections.

  • Feelings of common humanity vs. isolation: Recognizing that everyone faces failures and struggles fosters a sense of connection rather than isolation.

  • Mindfulness vs. over-identification: Being aware of our suffering without getting lost in the narrative, offering perspective and self-compassion.



It's important to note the distinction between self-compassion and self-indulgence. It's not about indulging in laziness but about wanting genuine well-being, pushing through challenges with resilience and learning from mistakes. The impact of self-compassion extends deep into our physiology. When we experience compassion, whether from ourselves or others, our brain responds with calming neurochemicals, inducing a sense of security and safety. Conversely, judgment triggers excitatory chemicals, leading to feelings of defensiveness and insecurity.



So, how can you incorporate self-compassion into your life? Start by becoming aware of your self-talk. Catch those negative thoughts and gently redirect them. Practice visualizing someone or something you deeply care about when offering yourself compassion.



Then, it's all about practice, repetition, and utilizing Kristin Neff's three-step process: Recognize your suffering. Acknowledge your humanity and imperfections. Embrace a broader perspective, offering yourself encouragement and support. Surround yourself with compassionate individuals or seek therapy if needed. And if offering yourself compassion feels challenging, explore the reasons behind it. Remember, how you talk to yourself matters—it shapes your emotions, behaviors, and overall well-being. Embrace self-compassion as a guiding force towards a more fulfilling and emotionally resilient life.



Resources:


www.self-compassion.org


Kristin Neff’s Ted Talk


Guided meditations for Self-Compassion


Kristin Neff’s Book, Self-Compassion


Self-Compassion Workbook


Building Grit Through Self-Compassion (podcast episode featuring Kristin Neff)



This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit jenalleytherapist.substack.com]]>https://jenalleytherapist.substack.com/p/4-the-power-of-self-talk-unlocking-7baKajabi-2148412206Wed, 03 Jan 2024 06:00:00 GMTJen Alley, TherapistNo1669<![CDATA[3: Setting Resolutions and Intentions for 2024 + Strategies to Improve Your Mental Health]]>For those that celebrate, Christmas is now over and the new year is right around the corner. And with a new year comes ideas about what we want our year to look like. For many of us, it means setting goals, intentions, and resolutions.



A 2022 poll by YouGov found that 37% of Americans indicated they had a goal or resolution they wanted to achieve the following year. A Forbes survey showed that the average resolution lasts just 3.74 months. Despite the low long-term success rates of resolution, there is something that seems helpful about setting goals and making steps toward them.



Forbes found that the most common resolutions include improved fitness, improved finances, improved mental health mental health, weight loss, and improved diet. While I personally have some goals in mind for 2024 around moving my body more, finances, and friendships, I am focusing in on two words I have chosen as intentions for 2024: presence and consistency. I love choosing words as an anchor to come back to.



Behaviors, thoughts, and feelings are all connected. While none of these are easy to shift, behaviors are the easiest of the three, and a change in behavior will change how we feel and think. So, if you want to feel or think differently, focus on what behavior you can do that will likely impact how you are feeling and thinking. For example, if you are overwhelmed and thinking about how much you have to do, a brisk, 20-minute walk will likely help clear your mind, improve your focus, and give you energy. I want to remind you that the good news about goals is that we can start at any time. If you miss a day or a week or a month, you can start again. It doesn’t have to be perfect to be effective. If you get off track, notice and start again.



With that, it is important to talk about the significance of one degree difference. While one degree seems small, it will have a huge impact on where we are across time. An example of the one-degree difference is that if a plane leaves Los Angeles for Rome and flies for 12 hours (but is one degree off), it will land in Africa! So, while you can have large goals, it is also ok to just make small shifts in your behavior. Consistency is the key. Across time, you will be in a far different place than had you never implemented the small changes.



Because many of us are hoping to improve our mental health in 2024, here are some of the changes or shifts you will want to focus on:


  1. Drink more water

  2. Create a gratitude practice

  3. Get 7-9 + hours of sleep

  4. Exercise

  5. Get outside

  6. Practice mindfulness

  7. Focus on improving your social connectedness


I wish you a happy and healthy 2024! Please let me know what your goals, resolutions, and intentions are! You can find me @jen.alley.therapist on Instagram.



Resources:


Atomic Habits


The Power of Habit


Daily Tracker


Intentional Living Worksheet


Guided Mindfulness Meditation




This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit jenalleytherapist.substack.com]]>https://jenalleytherapist.substack.com/p/3-setting-resolutions-and-intentions-162Kajabi-2148395344Thu, 28 Dec 2023 01:00:00 GMTJen Alley, TherapistNo1732<![CDATA[2: Navigating Grief During the Holidays]]>The holidays can be a super difficult time for folks who are grieving. Emotions tend to be amplified during the holiday anyway, and grief in particular can be exacerbated because of memories and feelings of loss or aloneness that might come up. Grief during this season can certainly be in regard to bereavement (grieving the death of a loved one), or it also might be following a divorce or breakup, shifting family dynamics, illness, being in relationships that are unhealthy or not how you want them to be, or feeling really alone.



We often want to be able to predict and “get over” our difficult emotions. But I think grief is a really important part of the experience of loving and loss or wanting something to be so different than how it is. Many times, there is a before and an after with grief- things never go back to being the same as they were before. However, as we feel our emotions and are in relationship with the grief, we can learn to integrate the loss into a life that has meaning, value, and love. We can emerge from the grief transformed.



One of the things that makes grief extra difficult is our culture’s lack of ritual and time and understanding of the grief process. Western culture is demanding and wants us back at work by Monday. We are expected to just get over it and many times, to navigate it on our own as we live in a “pull yourself up by your bootstraps culture.” The reality of grief and our culture’s reality are often at opposite ends of the spectrum and have opposing needs. Grief needs slowness, care, time, and space.



Community and support (including groups or individual therapy) are a huge resource in the grief process and can help us to feel less alone. Feeling alone in grief often adds additional stress, pain, and even trauma. During the holidays, especially, we might be with others who are sharing the same loss (ie. the death of a parent). Despite the shared experience, it is likely that you and your sibling are going to experience the grief differently and even need different things. While one sibling might want to talk about it, the other might find it too painful. I think the most important thing we must do is identify what we are feeling and needing (when possible) and try to communicate that to those around us. It might be as simple as, “I need some down time,” or, “I want to have an intimate celebration of life with our family at the park over the holiday to remember our person.”



We also must have a lot of compassion and grace for ourselves and others as we navigate these big feelings. It might be helpful for you to create traditions or plan activities that you will do to remember your person or to care for yourself in your grief. You might want to do these alone or with others. Journaling, spending time grieving, spending time in nature, creating, or talking about your grief can all be helpful.



Grief has many physical, mental, emotional, and even spiritual manifestations. I will link a handout you can refer to below for a more detailed list, but it is important to know that grief is a full body experience and can cause a great deal of stress on our bodies. Taking care of ourselves during the grief process might feel very hard, but it is important to listen to what our bodies are needing. Doing things that complete the stress response cycle each day can be a helpful practice for releasing stress during grief. The handout linked below can offer many ideas for doing this.



When you are supporting others in their grief, it is important to be empathic, compassionate, and flexible. The grieving person might be irritable or might withdraw and want to isolate. They might want to talk incessantly about their loss or not want to talk about it at all. As a compassionate friend/partner/parent, our job is to just hold space when we feel we can and be non-judgmental about how the other person is handling their grief. Of course, if we feel someone needs extra support (like from a mental health professional), we can suggest that. Often, what people who are grieving need most is compassion and kindness. They also need us to be in it for the long haul as grief is a marathon and not a sprint. There is nothing we can say to make it better or fix the other person’s grief, and that is not our job. It can be helpful to do tangible things for the grieving person (like running errands, picking up kids, making meals, etc.). It is important to respect the grieving person’s boundaries. They may need more leniency around changing plans last minute, deciding not to attend a family event, or even wanting to talk about their grief and then changing their mind.



Grief is a normal human response, but it is really a difficult thing to navigate. Should you need support around your grief this holiday season, grief support groups or therapy can be a super valuable resource. See below for handouts from today’s episode/blog.



Grief handout: Includes manifestations of grief, self-care in grief, and how to support others who are grieving (it also includes what NOT to say)


Brené Brown Empathy Short


Burnout



This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit jenalleytherapist.substack.com]]>https://jenalleytherapist.substack.com/p/2-navigating-grief-during-the-holidays-3d8Kajabi-2148382429Wed, 20 Dec 2023 17:00:00 GMTJen Alley, TherapistNo2329<![CDATA[1: Practical Tips for Maintaining Your Mental Health this Holiday Season]]>In the last two weeks, I have talked with so many friends and clients about the holidays and what it brings up for them. While we are sold the idea of the magic of the season, most of the folks I talked to shared hard stories of everything from feeling stressed with all of the social and family engagements and pressure to feeling lonely and sad about family relationships that are severed because of dysfunction or trauma.


One of the major challenges of the holiday’s boils down to expectations. Hallmark, social media, and our society paints a picture of twinkly lights, bottles of champagne, cheery gatherings, beautifully wrapped gifts under the tree, and a crackling fire keeping everyone warm. Consumerism and materialism are constantly knocking at our door to buy all the things and this pressure only ramps up during the holidays. However, for most people, even if the holiday appears picture perfect, it doesn’t FEEL that way.


I remember a professor of mine from grad school saying that many people feel better being at least two state lines away from their family of origin or their in-laws. And even if that isn’t the case with you, and you feel generally close with your family, the truth is that spending extended time together as many do over the holidays can bring up stress and anxiety or even pain, hurt, or unresolved trauma. Reality at best often includes the stressors like perceived obligations as well as competing wishes and traditions like what time we must eat, what will be served, which presents should be wrapped versus unwrapped if they are from Santa or how we will open gifts- one at a time or all at once.


Traditions themselves can become problematic when there is disagreement on exactly what the tradition should be. At most family gatherings, there are also interpersonal conflict and differences of opinion in terms of religion, politics, or even how you are parenting your kids. Whether or not you like to hang out with your extended family, it is easy to feel a sense of obligation around how you spend your time during the holidays. There are also often expectations around gift giving or what you do as a family that might bring up extra strain financially or even in regard to values- for example, if you tend toward minimalism, you might not want your kids to receive piles and piles of gifts that have been generously given but infringe on the life you are trying to build. Or, maybe you don’t feel you have the finances to be buying gifts for everyone in the family or going to holiday shows and events but that seems to be the explicit or implicit expectation. One friend said that for her, the hard part about the holidays is, “Managing expectations. Yours, mine, the kids, everybody’s. It always seems like everything is a hassle and then a let-down but then we post pictures like it was amazing.”


Additional challenges can arise when there are two sides of the family (or perhaps even more if you or your family members are divorced). It can feel like a human tug of war to try to fit everyone and everything in and can leave all of us feeling exhausted instead of recharged after the “most wonderful time of the year.” As extended families grow larger through marriage and birth, dynamics often become trickier and it can feel really hard as traditions shift and relationships change. It is common for there to be struggle and even grief as family dynamics shift and as grown children form their own families and traditions.


At worst, reality can be much more difficult and dark. Things like illness, grief, abuse, addiction, major mental illness, or a family history of neglect or dysfunction can make the holidays a really difficult time. I also have clients who feel deep sadness and loneliness around the holidays. Whether they are single, cutoff from family members, or are married with kids but don’t have a good relationship and are far away from extended family, the feelings of hopelessness and sadness of not having people, close relationships, or family tend to increase this time of year.


I know of people fighting cancer this year, another recovering in ICU from a stroke, and a friend of a friend whose husband is fighting for his life. I will cover more about grief and the holidays in episode three, so be sure to check that out, but for the sake of this podcast, I just want to name that there are some people navigating some really difficult times like their first holiday without a loved one or knowing it is the last.


Here are some practical things we can do to help our mental health during this holiday season.


  1. I would encourage you to make a list or a calendar of what is important to you over the holidays. Time off is precious and for many of us, rare, so taking time to really assess what your needs are (or what your family’s needs and wishes are) is important. Identify what others (including work and family or friends) are expecting of you. You might want to assess how you feel toward each of these things and also what the emotional cost of these events might be. Based on all of this, you might choose to set boundaries around what you say yes and no to. Hard truth: what you choose to do or not to do will likely disappoint others. This is hard, but it is also important to live your one authentic life. People might feel disappointed, upset, or frustrated, but boundaries protect the relationship so we don’t become resentful. If you need help with boundaries, I highly suggest my friend and mentor’s book that was just released- Setting Boundaries that Stick by Juliane Taylor Shore.

  2. Check in with yourself. Pay attention to when you start to feel overwhelmed or stressed and give yourself a chance to reset (go to the restroom, do grounding exercises, go outside, call a friend, take a walk).

  3. Keep up with your self-care as much as possible- exercise, sleep, and eat healthy when you are able to.

  4. Talk with friends or a therapist to get support around navigating the holidays. Knowing you are not alone in your struggle or feeling heard can go a long way.

  5. Limit drinking/numbing- bring awareness and mindfulness to these behaviors and when possible, talk to someone or choose a healthier behavior to help you self-soothe. That said, don’t be hard on yourself when you do find yourself numbing as your body is doing the best it can to self-regulate and feel better.

  6. The reality is that the holidays are probably not going to be perfect. Know that people will do the things they do and work on helping yourself stay in a better place by setting appropriate time boundaries around what you are able to do and give yourself an exit plan if you need to.

  7. Don’t strain relationships unnecessarily – avoid triggering topics and know in advance about how much time to spend. Allow yourself an out and stay for an amount of time that feels doable for you. If there is violence, abuse, or someone is doing something that makes you or your family unsafe, it may be important to set physical boundaries or not attend even if that means upsetting others.

  8. Remember that you and others are generally doing the best they can.

  9. As you are with the reality of holiday, grief may come up as it might feel disappointing or sad.

  10. When possible, practice gratitude. Look for what is good but also seek connection and support in the hard.

Resources:


Mental health tracker


Setting Boundaries that Stick by Juliane Taylor Shore


Crisis hotlines: Text HOME to 741741 (for any crisis) 24/7 hotline


Call or text 988 or chat 988lifeline.org (suicide and crisis lifeline) 24/7


Nonviolent communication handout- find it at www.jenalley.com/podcast and look for this episode


Be sure to subscribe so you don't miss an episode.



This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit jenalleytherapist.substack.com]]>https://jenalleytherapist.substack.com/p/1-practical-tips-for-maintaining-c76Kajabi-2148371791Wed, 20 Dec 2023 06:00:00 GMTJen Alley, TherapistNo1905<![CDATA[Trailer: Welcome!]]>Welcome to Between the Two of Us, a Mental Health podcast. Grab a cup of coffee or slide on your tennis shoes for a walk while we explore what it means to be human and get real about the beauty and challenges of life.



I want to destigmatize mental health and make therapeutic concepts and neuroscience more accessible. Hi, I am your host, Jen Alley. I am a Licensed Professional Counselor, a wife, and a mom of two school-aged kids. I am a nerd for research and learning, and I want to use the Between the Two of Us podcast to share ideas, strategies, and exercises to help you live with greater joy, authenticity, and improved mental wellness.



My guests and I will share stories and struggles from our own lives to help you feel less alone as you move through challenges in your life. We will tackle questions like, What is mental health? How do I improve my relationships? How can I feel closer to my partner? What do I do when I feel stressed, overwhelmed, or have big emotions? How do I cope with anxiety or depression? Why is parenting so hard sometimes and what can I do to make it better? How do I heal from trauma or grief? How do I find more purpose or meaning in my life? When should I see a therapist or psychiatrist?



Just like you, I am trying to figure it all out as I navigate this one messy and beautiful life I have been given. I believe that doing life with others is so incredibly important. Knowing we are not alone (and are normal) is a critical piece of feeling like we belong. You belong here! Welcome! You can connect with me at www.jenalley.com or @jen.alley.therapist on Instagram, Facebook, and TikTok.



This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit jenalleytherapist.substack.com]]>https://jenalleytherapist.substack.com/p/trailer-welcome-3f9Kajabi-2148311952Tue, 21 Nov 2023 04:06:00 GMTJen Alley, TherapistNo101