I’m Dr. Tara, and today we are talking about something many people know too well but may not always have the language to name:

What happens when you know something is wrong with your body, but the medical system treats your concern like an inconvenience?

What happens when your pain is minimized?

When are your symptoms blamed on stress?

When your questions are brushed aside?

When the doctor has already made up their mind before you finish explaining what is happening?

Today’s episode is not about attacking physicians. Let’s be clear about that. Many clinicians are caring, skilled, and trying to do their best in a high-pressure system. Many are damn good at what they do.

But good intentions do not erase power dynamics.

And power dynamics matter –now more than ever.

Because when a patient is dismissed, delayed, interrupted, or labeled “difficult,” –whether consciously or unconsciously, the consequences can be serious. Delayed diagnosis. Worsening symptoms. Emotional trauma. Loss of trust. Emergency care that might have been prevented.

So today, we are going to talk about how to move from being a passive patient to becoming what I call a professionalized advocate.

Not aggressive.

Not apologetic.

Not silent.

Professional. Prepared. Clear. Strategic.

That’s right. Strategic. This episode is especially important for Black women and women of color, because the research illustrates that our communities have long histories of being unheard, undertreated, and misread in healthcare settings. But this conversation is also for anyone who has ever sat in an exam room and felt their truth slipping through the cracks.

Now let’s get rooted.

Understanding the Power Dynamic

Let’s start with the uncomfortable truth.

Healthcare is not always an equal conversation.

Historically, medicine has operated under a model called medical paternalism. That means the physician was treated as the authority, the decision-maker, the person who knew best — while the patient was expected to comply.

That model may sound a bit old-school, but pieces of it still show up today. I think it’s human nature to defer to the physician. They have degrees, certifications, and industry experience that we naturally lean on and come to expect them to use when addressing our health concerns.

Also -there’s our human element at play. We are sometimes in a hurry. We sat in that waiting room past our appointment time and all we want to do is get in, get out, and get back to work or get home to prepare dinner…and thus, when they give us a short summation of what they perceive to be wrong with us based on our words, we readily accept it –whatever gets us the cure and out the door –right?

You see it when a patient says, “I know something is wrong,” and the doctor says, “Your labs are normal,” as if normal labs automatically mean everything is fine, but the patient accepts the response.

You see it when a patient describes pain, fatigue, weakness, dizziness, swelling, or changes in functioning — and the response is, “It’s probably stress.” The patient considers their daily life stress and assumes that maybe it all has finally caught up with them.

You see it when a person is interrupted before they can finish the story of what has been happening in their own body. Violets, that interruption is poor bedside manner. If done too frequently, it can become a patient safety issue.

Because the patient’s lived experience is clinical information.

Your symptoms are data.

Your patterns are data.

Your changes in functioning are data.

Your ability or inability to walk, sleep, eat, breathe comfortably, work, care for your child, or complete basic daily tasks — that is all meaningful information.

But here is where the challenge begins.

Doctors are human. Who knew? I’m kidding. But –they can have cognitive biases. Two common ones are anchoring and premature closure.

I hear you. Dr. Tera –what does “anchoring” mean? Well, anchoring happens when a clinician fixates on the first explanation and has trouble moving away from it.

Premature closure happens when the diagnostic process stops too early.

For example, a patient comes in with chest discomfort, shortness of breath, and fatigue. The clinician decides early that it is anxiety. After that, every symptom gets filtered through the anxiety explanation.

That does not mean anxiety is never relevant. It can be. But advocacy asks a sharper question:

What else has been ruled out?

That question matters.

The goal is not to humiliate the physician or act like you know more than the clinician. –And, you will have to work on how to effectively push back without harming the relationship –but we’ll talk about that another time. No Violet. The goal is to make sure the door does not close before the right questions have been asked.

That is where professionalized advocacy comes in.

A professionalized advocate does not walk into the room hoping to be liked.

They walk in prepared to be clear.

They understand that respect and assertiveness can exist in the same sentence.

They do not perform politeness at the expense of personal health safety.

And they do not confuse being calm with being passive.

Passive, Aggressive, or Assertive

When people feel unheard in healthcare, they often fall into one of three responses: passive compliance, aggression, or assertiveness.

Let’s break those down.

Passive compliance sounds like this:

“Well, the doctor said everything is fine, so maybe I’m overreacting.”

“I didn’t want to bother them.”

“I didn’t want to seem difficult.”

“I figured they would order more tests if they thought I needed them.”

This is understandable. Many of us were raised to respect authority. And when you are tired, sick, overwhelmed, or scared, it is hard to challenge someone who seems to hold the power.

But passive compliance can become dangerous when it causes you to suppress important information.

Then there is aggression.

Aggression often comes from frustration. It can sound like yelling, blaming, insulting, threatening, or shutting down the conversation.

Again, the emotion may be understandable. If you have been dismissed repeatedly, anger makes sense.

But aggression usually makes clinicians defensive. They may stop listening to the substance of your concern and focus only on your tone.

That is not fair, but it is real.

The bridge between silence and explosion is assertiveness.

Assertiveness says:

“I am going to be direct.”

“I am going to be honest.”

“I am going to stay focused on the clinical issue.”

“I am going to ask for what I need clearly.”

Assertiveness is not rudeness.

Assertiveness is not arrogance.

Assertiveness is a safety tool.

Let me say that again:

Assertiveness is a safety tool.

And when you learn to use it with structure, you become harder to dismiss.

The ROOT Framework for Clinical Advocacy

Now let’s get practical. The ROOT Framework is Rooted in Violet & Co.’s signature self-advocacy model. It helps patients organize what they are experiencing, communicate or “Speak Up” clearly, request support, and create a follow-up trail. Let’s walk through each part.

R: Reveal What’s Going On

The first step is Reveal What’s Going On.

This is where you gather the truth of what your body has been telling you.

Not just symptoms in a vague way.

Specifics.

When did it start? How often does it happen? How long does it last? What does it feel like? What makes it better? What makes it worse? What has changed in your daily functioning?

For example, do not just say:

“I have been having stomach pain.”

Instead, say:

“The pain started six days ago. It is on the lower left side of my abdomen. It feels stabbing. It comes and goes during the day, but it gets worse after meals. Over-the-counter medication has not helped.”

That is stronger.

That is clearer.

That gives the clinician something to evaluate.

Reveal also includes emotions, stressors, sleep, food patterns, medication changes, menstrual cycle changes, work stress, caregiving responsibilities, and environmental triggers.

Not because everything is “just stress.”

But because the full picture matters.

When you reveal what is going on, you stop treating your symptoms like random events and start looking for patterns.

That is advocacy.

O: Offer Your Observations

The second step is Offer Your Observations.

This is where you bring your lived experience into the appointment as useful clinical information.

You are not diagnosing yourself.

You are saying:

“Here is what I have noticed.”

For example:

“I noticed the dizziness happens mostly when I stand up.”

“I noticed the swelling is worse in the evening.”

“I noticed the chest tightness happens even when I am calm.”

“I noticed the fatigue is different from regular tiredness because I cannot complete normal tasks.”

This matters because one of the biggest communication gaps in healthcare is that patients often leave things out.

Sometimes they feel rushed.

Sometimes they feel embarrassed.

Sometimes they assume the doctor will ask the right question.

Sometimes they think, “Maybe this detail does not matter.”

But your observations may be the missing piece.

Rooted in Violet & Co.’s advocacy philosophy positions the patient as an active contributor in the healthcare conversation, not a passive participant. The ROOT Framework specifically emphasizes clearly articulating changes during appointments using fact-based language.

So instead of walking in and hoping the doctor pulls the story out of you, walk in ready to offer the pattern.

You might say:

“I want to share three observations before we decide on the next step.”

That sentence alone changes the tone of the visit.

It tells the clinician: I came prepared.

O: Outline What You Need

The third step is Outline What You Need.

This is where many patients lose power because they describe the problem but never clearly state the request.

They say:

“I’m still in pain.”

But they do not say:

“I need a plan for what we are doing next.”

They say:

“I’m worried.”

But they do not say:

“I would like to discuss whether additional testing or a specialist referral is appropriate.”

They say:

“I don’t feel heard.”

But they do not say:

“I need you to explain what has been ruled out and what has not.”

Outlining what you need is not about demanding unnecessary care.

It is about clarifying the next step.

You can say:

“I need to understand what conditions we have ruled out.”

“I need to know what symptoms would make this urgent.”

“I need a follow-up plan if this does not improve.”

“I need a referral to someone who specializes in this issue.”

“I need my symptoms documented clearly in my chart.”

“I need to discuss whether additional testing makes sense based on these symptoms.”

This step is powerful because it moves the conversation from vague concern to clinical action.

It also reclaims some control over the care trajectory. The Playbook frames this step as helping the patient identify what success and support look like instead of passively accepting a standardized care plan.

And let’s be honest: in a rushed appointment, if you do not state what you need, you may leave with a vague reassurance instead of an actual plan.

A professionalized advocate does not just explain.

She outlines.

T: Take Note & Follow Up

The final step is Take Note & Follow Up.

This is the accountability step.

Because advocacy does not end when the appointment ends.

You need to document what happened.

* What symptoms did you report?

* What did the clinician say?

* What diagnosis was given, if any?

* What tests were ordered?

* What tests were declined?

* What medications were prescribed?

* What side effects were discussed?

* When are you supposed to follow up?

* What symptoms mean you should seek urgent care?

This is where you turn a one-time conversation into a paper trail.

That paper trail matters.

Not because you are trying to create conflict.

Because memory fails.

Systems fail.

Charts can be incomplete.

Specialists may not communicate.

Patients may leave overwhelmed.

So …

* Take notes.

* Bring someone with you if possible.

* Ask for after-visit summaries.

* Use your patient portal.

And when something is unclear, use the Loop-Back Method.

Say:

“To make sure I understand, what I heard is…”

Then repeat the plan back.

For example:

“To make sure I understand, you are saying my labs are normal today, but if the pain worsens, I develop a fever, or I cannot keep food down, I should seek urgent care. And if the pain does not improve in three days, I should schedule a follow-up. Is that correct?”

That is not annoying.

That is smart.

That is how you reduce confusion.

That is how you protect yourself.

A Full ROOT Script for a Difficult Appointment

Let’s put the full ROOT Framework into a real-world example.

Imagine a patient has had worsening abdominal pain for six days, but the first response from the clinician is, “It may just be stress.”

Here is how the patient or advocate might use ROOT:

* Reveal What’s Going On: “The pain started six days ago. It is on the lower left side of my abdomen. It feels stabbing, and it has not improved with over-the-counter medication.”

* Offer Your Observations: “I have noticed it gets worse after meals, and yesterday I had to leave work early because I could not stand comfortably.”

* Outline What You Need: “I need to understand what physical causes we are considering and what has been ruled out. I would also like to discuss whether additional testing or a specialist referral is appropriate.”

* Take Note & Follow Up: “Before I leave, I want to make sure I understand the plan. What symptoms should make me seek urgent care, and when should I follow up if this continues?”

Now listen to how different that sounds from:

“My stomach hurts and I’m worried.”

The concern is the same.

But the structure is stronger.

ROOT helps you show the pattern, state the concern, request the next step, and leave with documentation.

That is the difference between hoping to be heard and helping the conversation move toward action.

CUS Words and the Two-Challenge Rule

Now let’s add another tool for moments when the concern is more urgent.

The CUS framework stands for:

Concerned. Uncomfortable. Safety.

These are signal words used in high-risk environments when someone needs to escalate a concern.

The language matters because it clearly marks the seriousness of what you are saying.

You might say:

“I am concerned that my symptoms are getting worse.”

If the response is dismissive, you move to:

“I am uncomfortable leaving without a clearer plan.”

If the concern still is not addressed, you move to:

“This feels like a safety issue because my symptoms are affecting my ability to function.”

Now, let’s pair that with the Two-Challenge Rule.

The idea is simple:

If you raise a safety concern and it is not addressed, you raise it again clearly.

Not twenty times.

Not in a circular argument.

Twice.

For example:

First challenge:

“I am concerned that my shortness of breath is worsening and I do not feel safe going home without a clearer plan.”

If the response is still dismissive, second challenge:

“I need to repeat this clearly. I am uncomfortable leaving because this feels like a safety issue. What is the next step to evaluate the shortness of breath?”

If the answer is still unsatisfactory, then it may be time to escalate.

That could mean asking for a charge nurse, a supervising physician, a patient advocate, a department manager, or the facility’s patient relations office.

And no, asking to escalate does not make you dramatic.

It means you understand that unresolved safety concerns need a higher level of attention.

Medical Gaslighting and Clinical Dismissal:

Now let’s talk about a phrase many people use because they have lived it: medical gaslighting.

Medical gaslighting is a form of clinical dismissal where a patient’s symptoms are invalidated, minimized, or explained away without enough investigation.

It may sound like:

“It’s just stress.”

“You’re too young for that.”

“That’s normal for women your age.”

“Your labs are fine, so there’s nothing wrong.”

“You need to lose weight.”

“You’re probably anxious.”

Here is the important distinction:

A clinician can consider stress, anxiety, weight, age, hormones, or lifestyle as part of the picture.

But those should not be used as excuses to stop thinking.

The problem is not when a doctor says, “Stress may be contributing.”

The problem is when stress becomes the dumping ground for symptoms that have not been properly evaluated.

So how do you respond using ROOT?

If the doctor says:

“It’s probably stress or anxiety.”

You can say:

“I understand stress can affect the body. I want to offer an observation: these symptoms also happen when I am calm. What physical causes have we ruled out, and what physical causes still need to be considered?”

If the doctor says:

“Your tests were normal.”

You can say:

“I am glad those tests were normal. I also want to reveal that my symptoms are still affecting my daily functioning. What is the plan to investigate beyond these initial tests?”

If the doctor says:

“I don’t think it’s serious.”

You can say:

“I hear you. I need to outline what I need before I leave. What symptoms or changes would make this serious from your clinical perspective?”

That last question is powerful.

Because it asks the clinician to define the threshold.

* What should I watch for?

* When should I return?

* What would change your mind?

* What would make this urgent?

That information helps you leave with a plan instead of confusion.

The Documentation Lever

Now we need to talk about one of the most important tools in advocacy:

Documentation.

When a serious concern is being dismissed, you can use what I call the documentation lever.

This is the statement:

“Please note in my chart that I reported these specific symptoms and that this request was declined.”

Let me repeat that.

“Please note in my chart that I reported these specific symptoms and that this request was declined.”

This statement does several things.

First, it slows the conversation down.

Second, it clarifies the record.

Third, it makes the decision visible.

Fourth, it reminds everyone in the room that documentation matters.

Now, do not use this casually for every disagreement. Use it when there is a genuine clinical concern, a meaningful request, and a refusal that you believe needs to be recorded.

You can also soften the wording while keeping the power.

For example:

“I understand you do not think imaging is needed today. For clarity, can you please document that I reported worsening abdominal pain for six days and requested additional evaluation?”

Or:

“Can you please document the symptoms I shared today, your clinical reasoning, and the plan for what I should do if symptoms continue?”

That is professional.

That is reasonable.

That is not combative.

It is also protective.

Because if symptoms worsen later, the record matters.

This aligns directly with the ROOT Framework’s final step: Take Note & Follow Up, which focuses on documenting clinical conversations, diagnoses, care team roles, and follow-up steps to build accountability and prevent dismissal from becoming invisible.

Closing

So here is what I want you to take from today’s episode.

You do not have to become aggressive to be taken seriously.

You do not have to shrink yourself to be respectful.

You do not have to memorize medical terminology to advocate well.

But you do need structure.

That is what ROOT gives you.

Reveal What’s Going On. Tell the truth about your symptoms, patterns, and changes.

Offer Your Observations. Bring your lived experience into the room as useful clinical information.

Outline What You Need. Ask for clarity, next steps, referrals, testing discussions, documentation, or follow-up.

Take Note & Follow Up. Write it down. Confirm the plan. Use the portal. Schedule the next step. Build the paper trail.

The professionalized advocate does not walk into the room trying to overpower the physician.

She walks in prepared to partner.

But she also walks in knowing that partnership requires listening on both sides.

At Rooted in Violet & Co., we believe self-advocacy is not about being difficult.

It is about being rooted.

Rooted in your body.

Rooted in your voice.

Rooted in your right to ask clear questions and receive clear answers.

Before your next appointment, ROOT yourself.

Reveal.

Offer.

Outline.

Take note.

And remember:

* Your symptoms are data.

* Your observations matter.

* Your questions deserve answers.

* Your follow-up is part of your protection.

Thank you for listening to the Rooted in Violet & Co. Podcast with Dr. Tara.

Until next time, stay rooted, stay clear, and keep rising for your health.

You know that heavy sigh? The one you only let out after everyone else has finally left the room? Or that weird flutter in your chest during a “low-stakes” meeting where you’re just trying to hold it all together?

In our community, we often call that “strength.” We call it “just being a Black woman.” But your body is calling it something else entirely.

What is the Superwoman Schema (SWS)?

In this episode of the Rooted in Violet & Co Podcast, we dive into a framework that changed how I look at my own health: the Superwoman Schema.

Developed by Dr. Cheryl Woods Giscombe, SWS describes a collective response to stress often found in Black women. It is defined by five key pillars:

* An obligation to manifest strength.

* An obligation to suppress emotions.

* Resistance to being vulnerable.

* An intense motivation to succeed.

* An obligation to help others while neglecting self-care.

While these traits are often praised as “resilience,” research shows that maintaining this “cape” is a physical tax on our systems.

The Science of Weathering

This chronic stress leads to a biological process known as Weathering. Coined by Dr. Arline Geronimus, Weathering explains how the repeated “wear and tear” of navigating social and environmental stressors leads to advanced biological aging.

For many Black women, this means:

* Accelerated Aging: Our cells are often biologically “older” than our chronological age.

* Health Disparities: A direct link to higher rates of hypertension and maternal health complications.

* Survival Mode: A heart that beats in survival mode rather than in peace.

Reclaiming the “Violet” Path

Protecting your peace isn’t a luxury—it’s an act of resistance. Advocacy starts with choosing yourself.

In this house, we are hanging up the cape. We are choosing to bloom instead of just surviving.

Join the conversation:

* 🎧 Listen: Spotify

* 💬 Comment: Does the “Superwoman Schema” resonate with your story? Let’s talk below.

The Health-Hair Connection

We often talk about hair in terms of beauty, but let’s talk about it in terms of longevity. For so many of us, we have allowed it to hold us back. There is something called the “hair-exercise paradox.” Research shows that nearly 40% of Black women have avoided physical exercise simply because of the time and cost required to maintain straightened styles.Let’s lean into that 40% statistic for a moment. When we say 40% of Black women have avoided the gym to save a hairstyle, we aren’t just talking about vanity. We’re talking about a negotiation.It’s a negotiation between the ‘clinical expertise’ of a doctor telling us to lower our blood pressure and the ‘lived experience’ of a woman who knows that showing up to a Monday morning board meeting with ‘sweated-out’ hair carries a professional penalty. We have been conditioned to believe that our external presentation is the gatekeeper to our success, even at the expense of our internal well-being.That’s not just a vanity issue; that is a health crisis. Avoiding the gym increases our risk for hypertension and heart disease—conditions that already disproportionately affect our community.Beyond the gym, we have to look at the chemicals. We now know that relaxers are linked to an increased risk of uterine cancer, and even synthetic braiding hair can contain harmful substances like lead and benzene. When we choose to “Free the Crown,” we aren’t just making a style choice; we are making a medical one. We are choosing protection. Because at Rooted in Violet, we believe that knowledge is not just power—it is protection.

Let’s Talk about the 2026 Movement and Identify

This 2026 wave of the natural hair movement is different. It’s not just about finding the perfect curl cream anymore. It’s about the “no extensions, no wigs” pledge. It’s about Gen Z leading the charge and saying, “I am enough exactly as I grow from my scalp.” Specifically, we are finally seeing 4C hair—the tightest, most beautiful coils—getting the visibility it deserves through initiatives like #FreeYourCrown. This matters because embracing our natural hair is directly linked to higher self-esteem and mental wellness. But I want to be clear: this isn’t about policing each other. If you wear a wig for convenience or because you’re navigating alopecia, your journey is still valid. Advocacy is about having the agency to choose what is best for your body and your spirit. You are the architect of your own health.

Advocacy and The ROOT Framework

So, how do we protect this crown when things go wrong? Maybe you’re noticing thinning at the edges or a scalp that just won’t stop itching. This is where you move from silence to strategy.Let’s walk through our signature ROOT Framework for your next dermatology visit:R – Reveal What’s Going On: Be honest. Tell your provider exactly when the shedding started. Is it tied to a new product or a stressful season? Your body’s signals are valid and deserve investigation.O –Offer Your Observations: Use specific language. Instead of saying “my hair is falling out,” say “I’ve noticed circular patches of thinning over the last two months”.O –Outline What You Need: This is where you reclaim control. Ask for a culturally competent provider who understands coily textures. Tell them, “I need a treatment plan that works with my natural hair routine”.T – Take Note and Follow-Up: Write it all down. Don’t leave that office without a clear plan and a scheduled follow-up. This framework turns you from a passive patient into an active partner in your care.Closing ThoughtsBefore we go, I want to leave you with a thought. Speaking up for your health—whether it’s about your heart or your hair—is an act of healing. It restores the dignity that systems often try to take away.Remember: Reveal. Offer. Outline. Take Note. Because your voice is the strongest medicine you have.Stay rooted, stay rising. We’ll see you in the next episode.

Want more content on this subject, visit our Rooted in Violet & Co website

In This Episode, We Discuss:

The 5 Dimensions of SWS: Understanding the internal obligations to project strength, suppress emotions, and resist vulnerability.

The Biological Receipt: Why Black women face a 2.6-fold higher maternal mortality rate (69.9 per 100,000 live births) and how chronic stress accelerates cellular aging.

The Help-Seeking Paradox: Why we often refuse help even when resources are available.

Our signature method to help you move from silence to strategy in healthcare spaces.

Key Resources & References

Dr. Cheryl L. Woods-Giscombé: The pioneer of the Superwoman Schema (SWS) conceptual framework.

CDC 2021 Maternal Mortality Data: Highlighting the systemic health failures facing Black women.

The "Super Human" Narrative: Moving from hyper-independence to a reconciliation of strength with human limitation.

Visit the Website: Find toolkits and advocacy resources at RootedinViolet.com.