Toolshed Palm Springs embroiled in allegations of racism, misogyny, transphobia, and discriminatory treatment toward Honey Davenport and ONYX SoCal-Southwest.

Daily Inspiration: When we were wrong we promptly admitted it

* Step 10 from 12 step programs.

* Immediate, honest and conciliatory inventory of wrongs.

* Sincerity is in the timeliness, the complete accounting, and the action to resolve.

Leather News: The Toolshed Incident

* May 1st, the Toolshed leather bar in Palm Springs held two back to back events starting with the Rodeo Welcome Party in conjunction with the Palm Springs Hot Rodeo from 6 to 8 pm and then a special fundraising event by ONYX SoCal-Southwest from 8:00 pm to 2:00 am.

* ONYX SoCal-Southwest is a leather organization dedicated to people of color, and this event was intended to be a community building outreach opportunity for the group and had been planned with Toolshed for months.

* The ONYX SoCal-Southwest event was to headline DJ Honey Davenport who is the current standing Mr. Palm Springs Leather of P.S.L.O.D who’s home bar is the Toolshed. Honey Davenport also has a long pedigree of performance and fame in our community on the national level along with their current journey to compete at IML in just a couple weeks.

* In the week leading up to the event Toolshed allegedly renegotiated on a number of agreed upon terms including the amount they would pay ONYX from $1000 down to $750 because it’s reported the bar owner said “Honey is too expensive”.

* On the day of the event the Toolshed owner contacted Honey Davenport and told them to play country music for the first two hours of their set starting at 8:00 pm during the ONYX Southwest event.

* This started a chain of conversation between Honey Davenport and ONYX leaders, then ONYX leaders and the Toolshed owner explaining that country music isn’t a part of what they do at their events, and that are are to paraphrase Honey Davenport, “few intersections between country music and the house vibe he plays for P.O.C. Events.

* Honey and ONYX did come to an agreement at the last minute to appease the Toolshed by mixing in some country music during the first two hours of their event even though they felt it was not a good idea.

* When Honey Davenport showed up for their set, he found out that the DJ hired for the rodeo event to play country music was asked to stay all night “just in case”, which immediately set a tone for the situation that the Toolshed owner had doubts or a lack of trust in Honey Davenport. Additionally it landed negative because the bar had told ONYX that Honey Davenport was “too expensive”, but they can pay an additional DJ to hang around all night “just in case”.

* As Honey Davenport started their set with a country music tune, then second a house mix the owner of the Toolshed immediately came to Honey and sternly underscored they wanted country music to be played, to which Davenport stated they planned to mix in.

* Shortly into the set Davenport reported on their video account of the night’s events that a patron who was part of the rodeo crowd came up and asked if they were going to play country music or not, ultimately telling them, “Read the room, it you are in a room full of white people maybe you should play white music.”

* At this point Honey Davenport made the decision to leave the event as they did not feel they were honored or appreciated in that moment by the owner of the bar or its patrons, at an event and space that is supposed to be about bringing people of color and community together in a safe environment welcomed.

* Davenport transitioned to the other DJ to had been on hand and left, the men of ONYX continued to try and get through their event.

* ONYX posted a lengthy statement on their social media explaining their own account of the bad-faith actions of the Toolshed owner leading up to the event, their parallel accounting of how Honey was treated, their steadfast support for Davenport’s actions, and their disappointment in how the Toolshed treated the organization and all involved.

* Honey Davenport posted their own video statement on social media the following day which offered his detailed accounting of the night’s events which parallels perfectly with that of ONYX.

* For almost a week Toolshed was silent as news of the incident spread across social media, podcasts like Butt Honestly and others. They refused to discuss the matter meaningfully with the parties involved for nearly a week.

* On Thursday May 7th the Toolshed finally released a statement on social media which is closed to comments except only to those who applaud them. It reads in vague generalities, carefully crafted terms that equivocates the matter to something of an accounting error that needs to be looked at and investigated. It reads impersonal and detached like boilerplate lawyer speak or even AI generated verbiage.

The best response to the Toolshed statement I have seen as of this recording is from Hades Amun-Ra, Mister Mr. Kink 2026 of Palm Springs.

While its appreciated that acknowledgment that harm occurred, the Tool Shed’s statement still falls short of meaningful accountability. It frames the issue primarily as a matter of “communication” and “coordination,” while failing to directly name and address the racism, misogyny, and transphobia that patrons, performers, and community members experienced and witnessed.

When harm disproportionately impacts Black people, femmes, trans people, and queer people of color, it is important to explicitly recognize that reality rather than speak around it in generalized language about “respect” and “diversity.” Avoiding direct language minimizes the experiences of those affected and makes it difficult for community members to trust that the full scope of the issue is being understood.

Additionally, this statement does not outline concrete accountability measures or actionable next steps beyond future written agreements and internal discussions. Communities deserve more than promises to “learn and do better.” We are looking for clear, public commitments such as:

* What specific anti-discrimination policies will be implemented or strengthened?

* What staff training or cultural competency measures will take place?

* How will incidents involving racism, misogyny, transphobia, or discriminatory treatment be documented and addressed moving forward?

* What systems will be put in place to ensure performers and patrons feel protected and supported in real time?

* How will impacted community members be included in these conversations and solutions? It is also difficult to reconcile the claim that the community is being “heard” and that feedback is being welcomed while comments on the post have been disabled.

* Closing off public dialogue prevents transparent community conversation and accountability, particularly for those directly impacted who may not feel safe or empowered enough to reach out privately. If the goal is truly to listen, there must also be space for the community to speak openly and be acknowledged publicly.

Accountability requires specificity, transparency, and action — not only reflection. Our community deserves spaces that do not simply celebrate diversity in branding, but actively protect and affirm the people who make that diversity possible.

– Hades Amun-Ra

Please drop your comments on YouTube or email them to daddysam@atouchofgay.com

* Website: atouchofgay.com

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* Audio Podcast drops on all major platforms every Sunday

* YouTube Podcast drops a day early on Saturday

* Our Podcast plays on GayPHX.com streaming radio every Monday at 10:00am

Submissive roles aren’t about being less, getting consent before sending NSFW pictures, addiction recovery resources for leather, fetish and kink communities.

Daily Inspiration: Submission is not about being less.... - Bobby Box

* It’s about choosing to let go in a space you feel safe

* It’s the quiet confidence of trusting someone else to lead

* It’s discovering that there’s a different kind of power in not holding everything together for once.

* Instagram @bybobbybox

Check In: Leather Making and Cyberbullying

* Making leather vests and armbands

* Cyberbullying Seminar

Social: Online Consent For Explicit Content

* Sending unsolicited nude photos and videos to you

* Inquiring about private information, details, kinks, and behaviors

* Assuming someone is using mainstream social media as a dating and hookup platorm

* Profile and personality is not implied consent

* Always ask before sharing or exploring explicit content or conversation

Media: The AfterMeth Podcast – Healing For Gay Men Addicted to Chemsex

* Dr. Dallas Bragg co-author of Lust, Men and Meth: A Study Guide

* Increasing awareness of characteristics and effects of crystal meth (chemsex)

* Answering the questions....How can I stop relapsing? How can I heal my addiction? How does crystal meth addiction affect gay men? How can I get sober?

* Instagram Dallas Bragg

* Website: https://www.recoveryalchemy.org/

Leather News: Sobriety At International Mr Leather in Chicago

* Recovery meetings twice daily at IML 11:00 and 11:00

* For all people in recovery to decompress and build connections

* At Congress Plaza Hotel

https://soberleathermen.org/

Event: Living Sober San Francisco – Castro District – July 10-12, 2026

* The annual Western Roundup Living Sober conference

* Supports individual sobriety and maintains unity, connecting Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer, Intersex, Asexual or LGBTQIA+ members within the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous & Al-Anon since 1976.

* Celebrating 50 Years

* Website: https://livingsober.org/

Please drop your comments on YouTube or email them to daddysam@atouchofgay.com

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* Audio Podcast drops on all major platforms every Sunday

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* Our Podcast plays on GayPHX.com streaming radio every Monday at 10:00am

A Touch Of Gay Podcast 56 – 04/26/26

Dallas police raid on gay sex party, Mr Texas and Mr Australia Leather contests, International Mr. Leather coming up!

Daily Inspiration: Our sex can a beautiful violent joy

* Leo Herrera, Analog Cruising

Check In: Crazy Season

* Events filling up the calendar for spring and summer

* IML coming up and getting ready to make some pieces

* Work challenging with new training to escape AI encroachment

Politics Social: Sex Party Police Raid – Dallas Observer

* Dallas Police raided a Cumunion sex party last week on Friday the 17th, detaining dozens of men and ultimately arresting two of the event’s organizers.

* Police said the raid was part of an initiative targeting sexually oriented businesses. The venue, Spayse Studios just off Harry Hines Blvd says it host everything from “birthday parties, to anniversaries, to adult kink parties.”

* Forty-eight men were detained. Police seized a load of drungs including 27 grams of marijuana, 671 grams of psilocybin mushrooms and 11,000 grams of hash oil. Also seized was $11,000 in cash, multiple computers, hard drives and other electronics, as well as “pleasure devices” along with a cargo van believed to be used in the production of pornography.

* Ultimately two men who police say organized the event were arrested and now face charges.

* Police say the reason for the raid was that organizers didn’t get the proper permits.

* The Cumunion event is part of a nationwide franchise brand of gay sex parties that are held at various kinds of venues from bathhouses to rented warehouse spaces. The Cumunion website only stated that “due to circumstances outside of our control,” the evening portion of the party was canceled.”

Leather News:

* Austin Kink Weekend - Mr. Texas Leather – Rodrigo - https://www.instagram.com/khal_rodro/

* Austin Kink Weekend - Ty and Bootpup Maximus who are the new Mx.Texas Leather and Texas Bootblack.

* Mr Australian Leather - Cal - https://www.instagram.com/hair_n_hide

Event: International Mr. Leather – Chicago – May 21-25

* International Mr. Leather contest

* Dozens of events, parties, workshops, vendor mart

* Tickets still available

* Host hotel wait list, but neighboring hotels still available

* Recovery Meetings twice daily

* Link: https://www.internationalmrleather.com/

Please drop your comments on YouTube or email them to daddysam@atouchofgay.com

* Website: atouchofgay.com

* Facebook, Instagram, Threads, Bluesky: atouchofgaypod

* Audio Podcast drops on all major platforms every Sunday

* YouTube Podcast drops a day early on Saturday

* Our Podcast plays on GayPHX.com streaming radio every Monday at 10:00am

This week our host Daddy Sam celebrates 9 years of continuous sobriety from alcohol and drugs, the pride flag returns to Stonewall Inn, and the latest leather news and events!

Daily Inspiration: After getting sober, it was a whole new world

* “The gay world is intertwined with drinking and drugging. After getting sober, it was a whole new world” - Dave Becker

Check In: Nine years of sobriety

* Admitting I could not continue as I was.

* Willingness to change everything.

* Leaving the scene doesn’t mean checking out of life.

* A journey to clarity and purpose.

* Joy and fulfillment beyond imagination – not giving up anything.

Politics Social: Pride Flag Reinstated At Stonewall

* The National Park Service will restore the Pride flag at the Stonewall National Monument in New York after a settlement was struck between the Trump administration and a group of nonprofit organizations.

* The administration ordered the removal of the rainbow flag from the first national monument dedicated to LGBTQ+ back in February, citing a policy restricting non-government flags.

* The Stonewall National Monument was first designated by President Barack Obama in 2016, protecting the Stonewall Inn in New York City as a historic site, becoming the first U.S. national monument dedicated to LGBTQ+ history.

Leather News:

* Mr. Anvil Phoenix 2026 – Bloo

* Indigenous Leatherman of Diné and Hopi Tribes

* Flags red, sex positive, music lover.

* https://www.instagram.com/bloo.by.nite/

Event: Baja Bears Bear Weekend 5/29-31 – Mexicali, Baja California

* Friday - Underwear Party at Porkys Show Center

* Saturday - Pool and Foam Party at Rancho Arroyo Hondo

* Sunday - Tour Secretos De La Chinesca Barrio Chino

* Sunday Fetich Room at La Interna – Farewell Gathering

* https://www.instagram.com/bajabears/

Please drop your comments on YouTube or email them to daddysam@atouchofgay.com

* Website: atouchofgay.com

* Facebook, Instagram, Threads, Bluesky: atouchofgaypod

* Audio Podcast drops on all major platforms every Sunday

* YouTube Podcast drops a day early on Saturday

* Our Podcast plays on GayPHX.com streaming radio every Monday at 10:00am

Daily Inspiration: Your playing small does not serve the world

* Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. - Marianne Williamson

Check In:

* Leather weekend in Phoenix

* Mr. Anvil Leather

Politics Social: Misinformation

* Verify news memes before you post or comment on them

* Google, Associated Press, Reuters, CNN, NBC, etc

Health: One tablet per day HIV medication in testing for legacy HIV patients

* New 1-tablet HIV medication being tested by Gillead for “forgotten population”

* To replace multi-medication regine for patients from 80s-90s who have become resistant

* Combines Bictegravir and Lenacapavir into one tablet that’s smaller than a multivitamin.

* Gilliad expects to submit to US government for approal in near future

* Source: https://www.npr.org/2026/03/03/nx-s1-5727702/hiv-aids-pill

Leather News:

* Mr. Fetish Berlin 2026 – Alexander – Stompee https://www.instagram.com/werepup_stompee/

* Mr London Leather 2025 – Galen https://www.instagram.com/solidwolfg2/

Event: Folsom Street East – June 21st

* 27th street between 11th and 12th Avenues in Manhattan

* Sunday 11:00 am to 6:00 pm.

* Information about all surrounding events

* Tickets available at the website for festival

* Website: https://www.folsomstreeteast.com/

Please drop your comments on YouTube or email them to daddysam@atouchofgay.com

* Website: atouchofgay.com

* Facebook, Instagram, Threads, Bluesky: atouchofgaypod

* Audio Podcast drops on all major platforms every Sunday

* YouTube Podcast drops a day early on Saturday

* Our Podcast plays on GayPHX.com streaming radio every Monday at 10:00am

Check In: A Touch Of Gay

* A leather scented discussion of sexual health, spirituality, advocacy and travels of a sober leather daddy.

* New name, same mission to inform, engage and advocate for the maturing LGBTQ+ community.

* New website, social media channels handles.

Daily Inspiration: Tell someone you love them today

* Make a conscious moment to say the powerful words

Politics: Supreme Court Sides With Conversion Therapy

* Advocate - The U.S. Supreme Court on Tuesday, on Transgender Day of Visibility, struck down Colorado’s ban on so-called “conversion therapy” for minors.

* The decision elevates abstract free-speech doctrine over a growing body of medical evidence and leaves LGBTQ+ youth more exposed to a practice doctors have long described as harmful.

* The Court ruled 8–1, with a broad majority, including two liberal justices, joining the opinion striking down the law, and Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson dissenting.

* The Court held that because conversion therapy often takes the form of talk therapy, Colorado’s law amounts to a content-based restriction on speech.....that it barred therapists from encouraging a change in sexual orientation or gender identity while allowing speech that affirms a patient’s identity or transition.

Health: Drug resistant form of Shigella emerging among gay and bisexual men

* Increase in cases of a more drug resistant form of Shigella in UK and Australia.

* Cases particularly acute to men who have sex with men.

* Shigella is a gut infection that can be passed on during sex, directly or through unwashed hands.

* Symptoms including diarrhea, stomach cramps and fever typically appear between 12 hours and 4 days.

* Shigella can last up to 7 days and in most cases it clears on its own.

* Severe cases can be treated with antibiotics.

* If diagnosed avoid having sex until 7 days after your last symptoms. Avoid spas, swimming pools, jacuzzis, hot tubs and sharing towels, as well as preparing food for other people.

Leather News:

* Mr LA Leather – Brian Hettler of Los Angeles aka Mr. LA Leather Bear 2026 - Instagram: midasheart

* Mr San Diego Leather - Sal Leon of San Diego, tattoo artist - Instagram: savagesal

* Mr Eagle LA Leather Update – Wyatt Heath title stripped, Daren McCoy - Instagram: honeyguu

* Social media handles for all three are in the show notes!

Event: Fire Island Bear Weekend – June 11-15

* This June, Fire Island turns up the heat as bears, cubs, chubs, admirers, and friends from around the world descend on the Pines & Cherry Grove for the most seductive, unapologetic, and unforgettable bear event of the summer.

* From sun-drenched afternoons on the beach to sweat-soaked dance floors after dark, Fire Island Bear Weekend is where desire meets community—and the vibe is as thick as the bodies. Expect poolside flirtation, moonlit walks, packed parties, intimate moments, and that unmistakable Fire Island electricity that keeps you coming back for more.

* fireislandbearweekend.com

Please drop your comments on YouTube or email them to daddysam@atouchofgay.com

* Website: atouchofgay.com

* Facebook, Instagram, Threads, Bluesky: atouchofgaypod

* Audio Podcast drops on all major platforms every Sunday

* YouTube Podcast drops a day early on Saturday

* Our Podcast plays on GayPHX.com streaming radio every Monday at 10:00am

In-depth interview with Mr. Cincinnati Leather Sgt. Alex on how he got started in leather, what motivates him, and where he is headed next.

Follow Sgt. Alex:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elsargentoalex/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61579373378664

Pulse Nightclub demolition, LGBTQ+ workplace employment discrimination, and DadFest 2026.

Our Daily Inspiration: Today I will affirm my worth as a human being and a gay person.

* Growing up we were bombarded with negativity about being gay.

* We were taunted, called names, and attacked.

* We should feel good about being gay.

Check In: High heat and navigating transportation

* It’s already over 100 degrees in Arizona before end of March.

* Sold vehicle requires strategies to get around, do errands, and smartly.

Pulse Nightclub Demolition

* March 18th demolition of the Pulse Nightclub in Orlando, FL commenced.

* Bittersweet moment as the building has been a makeshift memorial since the 2016 massacre where 49 were killed.

* The demolition follows a symbolic step taken last week, when the club’s iconic sign was removed.

* Demolition makes way for a new permanent memorial that will be built by the City Of Orlando.

* A dedicated website offers a detailed narrative of the project: https://www.pulseorlando.org

Legal Alert: Fourth Circuit Federal Court to weigh LGBTQ+ workplace discrimination case

* Zinski v. Liberty University, began as a straightforward Title VII claim. Ellenor Zinski alleges she was fired in 2023 after informing Liberty University – a conservative religious college, that she is a transgender woman and is undergoing medical transition.

* This week, a federal appeals court in Richmond, Virginia, heard the case where Liberty University wants to invoke its religious beliefs to fire a transgender employee.

* Her lawsuit argues that her termination violated Title VII’s prohibition on sex discrimination, relying on the U.S. Supreme Court’s 2020 decision in Bostock v. Clayton County, which held that firing someone for being transgender or gay constitutes discrimination because of sex. Writing for the majority, Justice Neil Gorsuch extended workplace protections to LGBTQ+ employees nationwide, but left unresolved how those protections interact with claims of religious liberty.

* The court will rule in the coming months.

Event: Dadfest – Cathedral City, CA – July 2-5, 2026

* Time to show off those Dad Bods! Western Xposure’s Dadfest is a sexy daddy way to celebrate the 4th of July. This coming July weekend is your chance to get some quality pool time in with dads, bears, and other big friendly men.

* DJ’s from Dry Heat will be poolside all weekend bringing their unique sound to all of Dadfest!​

* Explore CCBC! There are trails to roam, grassy areas to relax in, dark rooms and outdoor play spaces, and much more including hot tubs, a steam room, and cold plunge waterfall.

* Free lunch BBQ on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday

* Passes and reservations for CCBC now available at https://www.westernxposure.net

Viewer Comments:

In reference to Episode 43 topic, “Are you a traveling ho?”

“Hi Sam! Would love if you could highlight the various Jacks clubs around the country (and the world), giving men access to safer play (and lower-pressure play for those who may be cock-curious), and also the social bonding that can come from mutual masturbation. It’s also awesome for breaking-down age barriers! “

Please drop your comments on YouTube or email to me at sam@growingoldergay.com

* Our website: growingoldergay.com

* Follow our social media channels

* Podcast drops on all major platforms every Sunday

* Video version of podcast drops a day early YouTube!

* Our show plays on GayPHX.com streaming radio every Monday at 10:00am

Our 50th episode covers sex positivity and blunt discussion into moral judgements about sexual preferences, practices and STI prevention.

Our Daily Inspiration: Sex positivity is an philosophy, not a behavior

* Def: Having or promoting an open, tolerant, or progressive attitude toward sex and sexuality.

* Viewing sex as a normal and healthy part of life, respecting others’ sexual preferences.

* Not being judgmental of other’s consensual and legal sex practices and preferences.

Check In: Choosing not to own a car

* I sold my personal vehicle not out of need, but desire to live without one.

* Reduce living costs and free up money for other priorities.

* Change perspectives and strategies on transportation local and long distance.

What our podcast is about and our perspectives

* Our tagline: A leather scented weekly discussion of LGBTQ+ kitchen table issues, can’t miss events, and life lessons.

* Sex positive, unashamedly advocating for sexual health, safe practices, and prevention.

* Open and frank talk about health, sex, social topics, and how political matter affect us.

* Celebrates a vibrant lifestyle – just because we are aging doesn’t men we quit living.

* Support transgender community 110% - no apologies.

* Content admittedly leans toward topics concerning gay men.

Viewer Comments:

In reference to our topic on last week’s podcast episode alerting our community to a new STI that is beginning to circulate:

“We are who we are and we do what we do” ??? Only SOME in the community do what they do. SOME of us prefer stable partnerships instead.............

Really speaks to the benefits of fewer partners or monogamy for our community”

* Monogamy is not a foolproof or reliable STI prevention method.

* We do not judge our community around legal and consensual sexual practices – especially in when discussing important health issues that people need to learn about without bring contextualized around shame or shade.

* Making judgements, throwing shade, and speaking down to people around their relationship styles, sexual practices, and their preferences is no better for our community now than when people shamed AIDS victims in the 1980s and 1990s. There is no place for this behavior in our community in 2026. Period.

* Viewer followed up but we will not platform them further.

Please drop your comments on YouTube or email to me at sam@growingoldergay.com

* Our website: growingoldergay.com

* Follow our social media channels

* Podcast drops on all major platforms every Sunday

* Video version of podcast drops a day early YouTube!

* Our show plays on GayPHX.com streaming radio every Monday at 10:00am

Alert for a new sexually transmitted fungal infection, embracing the unknowns, tax time and viewer comments about consent and etiquette.

Our Daily Inspiration: Accept the full force of your mystery

* Embrace your unknowns - the new questions that arise, let them exist.

* Let go of the need for immediate, logical explanation or certainty in everything.

* Finding comfort in the inherent, unfolding process of life - trust in the journey.

Check In: Tax Time

* I put it off until the last minute as always.

* Gig work, business corporation tax return.

* Changing income formula requires constant adjustments to the withholding or tax prepayment scenarios.

Sexual Health Alert: TMVII sexually transmitted fungal infection emerging

* Trichophyton mentagrophytes genotype VII (TMVII) is an emerging, highly contagious, and often painful sexually transmitted fungal infection.

* A form of ringworm, it causes causing inflamed, itchy, and scaly skin rashes, found primarly in areas of sexual contact including the genitals, buttocks, and face.

* First identified in the US in 2024, it is primarily reported among men who have sex with men (MSM).

* Treatment requires extended oral anti-fungal treatment with medications such as terbinafine or itraconazole.

* Avoid skin-to-skin contact, including sexual activity with infected person(s).

* Can also be be transmitted via contaminated towels, clothing, bedding and sex toys.

Viewer Comments:

Question on our video about sex play space etiquette: How often do smaller or younger or inebriated guys get raped in these places?

Please drop your comments on YouTube or email to me at sam@growingoldergay.com

* Our website: growingoldergay.com

* Follow our social media channels

* Podcast drops on all major platforms every Sunday

* Video version of podcast drops a day early YouTube!

* Our show plays on GayPHX.com streaming radio every Monday at 10:00am

Kitchen Table Episode 48

Getting consent before you touch and other fine forms of gay play space etiquette.

Our Daily Inspiration: Consent Is Sexy

* Always ask before engaging

* Gear is not consent

* Implied consent

* Situational consent

Check In: Work From Home

* Starting month three of work from home

* Requires extra dilligence for diet, exercise, social interaction

* Requires conscious change of environment

Social Beat: Play Space Etiquette

* Just because we are more mature doesn’t mean we are socially adjusted

* Wherever we go there we are

* Bring a good attitude and leave your expectations at the door

* Bring confidence, but be self aware

* Be friendly and willing to converse. Ask for what you want.

* Don’t be over aggressive or pushy, respect other people’s space

* Don’t invite yourself into other people’s scene

* Learn to accept a no response and don’t take it personally

* Read up and recharge – Leo Herrera Analog Cruising

Please drop your comments on YouTube or email to me at sam@growingoldergay.com

End Plugs:

* Our website: growingoldergay.com

* Follow our social media channels

* Podcast now on Amazon, iHeart, Spotify, Substack and Apple Podcasts

* YouTube!

On the anniversary of the death of Marcus Freiberger we’re still looking for answers and you might be able to help.

Our Daily Inspiration: Watch out for yourself

* Recognize we are a targeted group

* Take precautions

* Trust your gut

* Safety net

Special: Michael Bayne Missing

* Age 32, 6 feet 4 inches tall, 215 pounds, brown hair, brown eyes

* Last seen Monday February 16th at 9:40 am in Tempe, AZ

* Wearing blue baseball cap, light-colored jacket, and jeans.

* His wallet was left at home and no signs of foul play were found there.

* His 2017 white Volkswagen Jetta is missing. License plate KDA39X

* His cell phone was pinged in Mesa, AZ in the area of McKellips and Country Club Rd at 6:30 pm Monday Feb 16th. The phone has since been off the network.

* Please contact Tempe Police Department at 480-350-8311 immediately.

Special: Marcus Freiberger

* Marcus disappeared this weekend a year ago, his body found a month later floating at a rock quarry in south Phoenix.

* According to the police report, his phone GPS information put him in the area of south Phoenix along the Salt River corridor between 7th street and 25th Avenues on the day of February 21st and into the morning hours of February 22nd.

* He spent nearly 11 hours at a location near 25th Avenue and Broadway Rd between approximately 5:00 pm and 4:30 am.

* For the remainder of the morning and day of February 22nd he moved around to various locations in the industrial and river-bed area south of I-10 before his phone disconnected from the network around 2:00 pm.

* Marcus body was found in the pond of the rock quarry nearby on or about March 19th, a very remote area with no immediate public vehicle access.

* Marcus’s truck was later found locked up and secure on March 26th at the parking lot of the Rio Salado Audobon Center at Central Avenue and the Salt River, having been reported to have been seen parked there for weeks.

* The t ruck was impounded and DNA was found on and inside Marcus’s personal belongings.

* After cursory interviews with a number of people close to Marcus in his last days, those he was identified as speaking to on the dating apps, and the collection of information from his truck the case has been closed.

* Marcus mattered. His life mattered. And his family deserves answers.

* Marcus’s family has hired a private investigator and are launching a website where tips can be submitted anonymously.

* A GoFundMe has also been created to help fund independent DNA testing through a private lab, testing that should have been prioritized when his case was fresh!

* Submit Tips: https://www.securesolutionscollective.com/marcus-freiberger

* GoFundMe: https://www.gofundme.com/f/justice-for-marcus-support-our-investigation

Please drop your comments on YouTube or email to me at sam@growingoldergay.com

Find Your Joy No Matter What

* Find ways to rise above the bad news and trauma of our times

* Change the media, social, activity channels

* Be open to try new activities, new hobbies, explore new interests

Check In:

* My Birthday

* AZ Gay Rodeo, HIV Testing, Gigs

* Test driving Hyundai Tucson Hybrid - TestDrivenTV

Benito Bowl Recap

* Bad Bunny Half Time Show

* Celebrities

* Dancers

New Wegovy Tablet

* Injectable GLP-1 now available in tablet form

* Taken once daily on an empty stomach in the morning with water.

* Various dosages from 1.5mg to 25mg maintenance dose to manage side effects.

* To be used alongside a reduced-calorie diet and increased physical activity to aid weight loss and reduce major cardiovascular risks.

* Available in U.S. pharmacies now with self-pay prices ranging from $149 per month for lower doses to higher costs for higher dose.

* Insurance may be more likely to cover tablets than injectables.

Leather Season:

* RGV Leather Weekend – Rio Grande Valley Bears

* Congratulations Mr RGV Leather - Alejandro

Event: Lazy Bear Week - July 27 – Aug. 3, 2026 - https://www.lazybearweek.org

* Celebrating 30 Years of Lazy Bear Magic!

* Over 2500 bears in Guerneville, CA

* Week long supply of playtime, parties, events, and touristy goodness

* 2026 Tags now available – get in early

Event Save The Date: Palm Springs Leather – October 29-November 1 –

https://www.pslod.org

* Valhalla Theme

* Registration Opens Soon

As always you can click on the EVENTS tab at our website for LGBTQ gatherings nationwide all year long. If you have an event you would like featured in our event calendar or even here on the podcast, send an email with the details to sam@growingolderday.com

DAILY MEME: Be more of who you want to be

Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of other’s opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”

― Steve Jobs

Social: Superbowl Weekend

* Many of us including myself are not into sports – but not all LGBTQ+ people do

* Halftime Show Bad Bunny

* Turning Point USA counter programs with “The All-American Halftime Show,” with Kid Rock.

Big Gay Cruise: CBP Raid Nets Drug Arrests at Atlantis Cruise in Miami

* In Florida last Sunday at the launch of what’s known as “world’s biggest gay festival at sea,” U.S. Customs and Border Protection officers were screening bags with trained detection dogs when several suitcases were flagged.

* They arrested nine passengers after narcotics were allegedly discovered in their luggage.

* The arrests came prior to the departure of Royal Caribbean’s Symphony of the Seas.

* Drugs confiscated and arrests made for possession and in some cases trafficking of ecstasy, LSD, cocaine, ketamine, methamphetamine, and GHB.

* With more than 5,000 passengers booked the week-long Atlantis Events cruise is one of the largest gay cruises.

Legislative Alert: Poppers Could Become Felony In Arizona

* The Arizona Legislature is considering a new lay that would make amyl nitrites — commonly known as “poppers” — illegal in the state.

* Arizona House Bill 2191 would classify the sale, possession or use of poppers as a class 5 felony or in certain cases as a misdemeanor

* Offenses would carry prison time and thousands of dollars in fines.

* The bill would also ban the sale of nitrous oxide, often called “laughing gas.”

* The bill is sponsored by Republican and Majority Whip Rep. Julie Willoughby.

* Local state bills follow increasing Federal scrutiny of poppers and FDA crackdowns on some of their manufacturers at the hands of RFK Jr who has stated his belief that the inhalant causes AIDS.

Break Spot – Leather, Events, Viewer Comments

Leather Season:

* Mr Chicago Leather – Joey Metler

* He will move on to compete at IML in May

Event: Gear Up Weekend - June 11-14, 2026 -

https://www.gearupweekend.com

* Annual retreat designed to help gay, bi, trans, and queer men (21+) learn about and explore kink in a friendly, inclusive, and low-pressure environment.

* Workshops, play spaces, social events, and hands-on opportunities,

* A chance to connect, discover new interests, and celebrate your kinks—whether you’re experienced or brand new.

* Saratoga Springs Retreat Center

* Registration opens February 10th.

* Shared lodging options from $550 all inclusive – cabins, bunk house, tents, RV

Event Save The Date: Bear Week in Provincetown, MA - July 11–18, 2026

As always you can click on the EVENTS tab at our website https://growingoldergay.com/ for LGBTQ gatherings nationwide all year long. If you have an event you would like featured in our event calendar or even here on the podcast, send an email with the details to sam@growingolderday.com

DAILY MEME: The more we practice empathy to get better we get at it – Renee Hebert

* Heard on the Throwing Light Podcast by Louis Toliver Jr

* Listening without judgment, observing nonverbal cues.

* Putting yourself in others shoes, trying to learn about people different from you

* Developing self-awareness, identify and question your own biases – blind spots

Check In:

* TestDrivenTV – Dodge Charger Scat Pack

* New threads for video, casual but nice – push and pull with my husband who has a different style template.

* Dermatologist – Actinic Keratosis

Good News: Rainbow Sidewalks

* The city of San Antonio is replacing the now banned rainbow crosswalks in the Pride Cultural Heritage District with new rainbow sidewalks.

* On both sides of North Main Street 6-foot wide rainbow flag striping will color sidewalks entire length of the “gay strip” in downtown.

* Chevron designs at the corners emulate the modern progress pride flag.

* Then entire $170,000 tab is being taken up by the city.

* This strategy overcomes the Texas state and Federal policy attacks that have forced the removal of rainbow cross walks. They won’t be able to take this rainbow away.

Social: Transphobia In The LGBTQ+ Community

* Even in our own community transgender people are othered

* Even in our own community transgender people are excluded

* Even in our own community transgender people are blamed

* Transgender, bisexual and non-binary people are all part of our family

Leather Season: Cigars and Leather

* Baked in the DNA of the leather and fetish genre

* Tom of Finland Art influence or influenced?

* Often part of the role play and role responsibilities in D/s relationships

Event: Smokeout 2026 Las Vegas

Self described as “a fun-filled, uncomplicated weekend in Las Vegas for cigar and pipe studs, bikers, leathermen, bears and friends from all over the world, with time to gamble, shop, be a tourist, enjoy a show, attend events or relax by the pools and have a great time!

* Wednesday through Monday at the Tuscany Suites Resort and Casino

* Special room rates for registered participants

* Vendors

* Smoking Lounge

* Private pool and playroom spaces

* Barbershop and bootblack

* Dinners and socials

* Motorcycle ride and offsite opportunities

* Event registration $60 ahead of time, $ 80 at the door

Event Save The Date: No Kings III – March 28

As always you can click on the EVENTS tab at our website growingoldergay.com for LGBTQ gatherings nationwide all year long. If you have an event you would like featured in our event calendar or even here on the podcast, send an email with the details to sam@growingolderday.com

Viewer Comments: “I agree with you about Tesla “

* Revisiting the Tesla Comments from last week

* Have a sense of humor

Check us out now on Amazon Podcasts and iHeart Radio Podcasts!

DAILY MEME: I am not what I own

* My value as a person is not in my material possessions

* My standing in the world is not of my financial wealth

* My happiness and self worth is directly proportionate to my of love for myself and others

Check In: Weekend in Palm Springs / Cathedral City

* Shopping for leather in Palm Springs

* Stay downtown at the Motel 6 – center of the “tweakerverse”

* Stay at CCBC and fun times

* Beautiful facility upgraded in recent years

* Family like service

Social: Lowered inhibitions when out of town “Travel Hos”

* When away we tend to be bigger sluts than at home

* Keeping up appearances professional and social

* Fresh meat on the apps

* Foot loose and fancy free

Health: Paying cash for PrEP / DoxyPEP

* Expiration of Obamacare funding has left many without coverage – renewals for marketplace down over 40% going into 2026,

* HHS cuts have lowered or eliminated availability for support programs that have traditionally covered HIV prevention, testing, and medications.

* Still some support programs available depending on location.

* Out of pocket options exist for PrEP and DoxyPEP.

* Generic Truvada $30 a month

* Doxycycline $15-30 a month

Viewer/Listener Comments: Is PrEP Safe?

First, I am not a doctor and I am not giving medical advice. The following is my own experience and factual information available with a little research.

* In a word, Yes PrEP is safe. It’s certainly safer than having HIV

* High efficacy. When taken properly, oral PrEP reduces HIV risk by about 99%.

* Well tolerated by most.

* Prescriptions require regular testing and monitoring including kidney and liver health and testing for HIV and other STIs

* Common concerns include kidney function and bone density as older formulations of Truvada could affect kidneys and bone density in rare cases. Newer options like Descovy and injections like Apretude are less of an issue.

Leather Season:

* Congratulations Gage Ryder Mr. Mid-Atlantic Leather 2026

* Congratulations Brian Hettler Mr. LA Leather Bear 2026

* IML Rules Change

* Raises the bar for eligibility with more stringent vetting guidelines

* Can only compete one year

* Seeks to keep class size at 50 starting in 2027

Event: CLAW 2026 – April 2-5, 2026 Columbus OH

* Cleveland Leather Awareness Weekend – Columbus

* 2,000+ Leather Men, 2 BDSM Dungeons, 118 Booth VendorMart

* 150+ Classes and Workshops

* Kink Socials & Mixers

* More

* Hotel 80% full Hyatt Regency Columbus, OH

* Must register for event to stay at host hotel

Event Save The Date: Desert Smoke Palm Springs – June 5-7, 2026

* Palm Springs Leather Order Of The Desert

* Cigar weekend social and play

As always you can click on the EVENTS tab at our website for LGBTQ gatherings nationwide all year long. If you have an event you would like featured in our event calendar or even here on the podcast, send an email with the details to sam@growingolderday.com

Kitchen Table Episode 42 – 01/18/2026

Making a hard won life count, gay ageism, sexy James Franco miniseries, Mr Eagle LA Leather Wyatt Heath and upcoming LGBTQ+ events.

Our episode today is recorded well in advance of post day because my husband and I are actually on a getaway weekend to Palm Springs and Los Angeles to do some leather shopping and take in some local flavor at some of the one of the gay men’s play spots. If you see us out and about please come up and say hello!

Because of this, if the world ended or some big topical news story has hit since this was recorded earlier in the week that needed due attention, I apologize in advance for not talking about it now.

DAILY MEME: There is a cost to honoring yourself. Make it count.

* Live the life you have always wanted

* Explore your world, yourself, your people – challenge your box

* Do what they have always tried to keep you from doing

* Invest in yourself – education, health, spirituality, finances

Social: Navigating Ageism

Ageism is a process of systematic stereotyping and discrimination against people because of their age – mostly to those older in years.

* Ageism in the dating / hookup scene / sex

* invisible

* rockstar syndrome

* Ageism in the workplace / career

* promotions / positioning

* job searches

* Ageism in the social experience

* how you are treated

* included/excluded

* Setting expectations / acceptance / self sorting

* understanding

* acceptance

Bingeable TV: 11/22/63 Miniseries – Hulu / Netflix

* James Franco stars in 11/22/63, an eight episode miniseries based on the Stephen King novel of the same name.

* An English teacher goes back in time to try and prevent the assassination of JFK

* The eight episode series twists and turns as Franco’s character attempts to rewrite the past and finds that the past tends to fight back

* Good story line, time and culture representation of 1960’s Texas, lots of classic cars.

Leather Season: Contests and Congratulations!

* Congratulations Wyatt Heath for winning Mr. Eagle Leather LA 2026

* Bartender at Bullet Bar North Hollywood

* “I’m humbled to have the life I have today. Just over two years ago, I wasn’t sure I’d make it through addiction But today, all the hardwork I put in, all the faith and love my parents and brother have and had in me, and the love of so many men who refused to give up on me has paid off. I truly am living a life that was promised me in so many different sobrieties…a life beyond my wildest dreams. - Facebook“

* Mid Atlantic Leather contest this weekend

* Mr LA Leather Bear contest this weekend

Event: Austin Kink Weekend – April 16-19

* Mr./Ms/Mx Texas Leather, Texas Bootblack, + more

* Workshops, vendors, special events and parties

* Run Passes $125 – 175 on sale now

* Holiday Inn Mid-Town Austin

Event Save The Date: Vallarta Pride

La nueva era

* un pride muy mexicano

* 17 al 24 mayo

As always you can click on the EVENTS tab at our website growingoldergay.com for LGBTQ gatherings nationwide all year long. If you have an event you would like featured in our event calendar or even here on the podcast, send an email with the details to sam@growingolderday.com

End Plugs:

Thanks to GayPHX for including re-broadcasts our podcast weekly on their streaming radio station every Monday in the 10:00 hour. You can hear lots of local voices, entertainment, news and music 24 hours a day at GayPHX.com

* Our website: growingoldergay.com

* Our social media

* Podcast now on Spotify, Substack and Apple Podcasts in addition to YouTube!

DAILY MEME: We deserve the care of our government.

* Remembering that our government exists to protect the well being of all of us

* Our leaders must have empathy for others, be trustworthy, be honest

* Each one of us must actively participate in shaping our government from top to bottom

Honoring Renee Nicole Good – from the Advocate

An American citizen, Renee Nicole Good was many things — a wife, mother, poet, singer, devoted Christian, and “extremely compassionate” human being.

Good had a wife and three children — a 15-year-old and 12-year-old from her first marriage, and a 6-year-old from her second marriage

Renee Good was a poet with a passion for singing. Good described herself in her Instagram bio, which featured an LGBTQ+ Pride flag, as a “poet and writer and wife and mom and shitty guitar strummer from Colorado; experiencing Minneapolis, MN.”

Good’s ex-husband that she was a devoted Christian who had taken part in mission trips to Northern Ireland in her youth and participated in a choir during high school. Her love of singing would lead her to study vocal performance in college, though writing was her ultimate passion.

Good graduated in December 2020 from Old Dominion University in Virginia with a degree in English, and won an award the same year for one of her works.

“This is yet another clear example that fear and violence have sadly become commonplace in our nation,” ODU President Brian O. Hemphill said in a statement. “Indeed, this tragedy reflects the deep strain being felt in countless communities across our nation. As citizens, it is our duty and right to call upon leaders and officials to restore civility in all facets of our lives, especially at the hands of those who are entrusted to protect and serve.”

“May Renee’s life be a reminder of what unites us: freedom, love, and peace,” he continued. “My hope is for compassion, healing, and reflection at a time that is becoming one of the darkest and most uncertain periods in our nation’s history.”

Action we can all take: MyACLU.org

The American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) has been fighting in court and in the headlines for our civil rights and the rule of law for over 100 years. While often being cast by the right as a force if bleeding heart liberals, over their history have fought for everyone. “We The People means everyone”.

In our current regime they have been a vital force in fighting back against the many countless unconstitutional, immoral, and inhumane actions that have been coming at us by our government. They have been suing in court and winning for us. They are the ones in the trenches, the ones appealing for us, the ones standing before the supreme court voicing our case.

They have been much the push-back leading all the way up to the supreme court for LGBTQ rights that have been taken, the actions to harm our community, and the directives to erase us. They have also been on several of the other fronts including immigration, law enforcement over reach, and voting rights among others. They are the tip of the spear for us that we ourselves cannot

This takes money. While there are many big donors, there is a way that you and I can help on our own level. We can support the ACLU by donating and becoming a monthly supporter. At their website there are multiple options starting as low as $19 a month.

I have started my own monthly donation and I encourage all who hold our rights dear and support what the ACLU does for us to put your dollars in the bowl too. We need them, and they need our help too.

Inspiration: Martin Sheen Podcast

Most of us remember actor Martin Sheen in modern times from his many seasons as President Bartlett on The West Wing. His acting career spans several decades in movies, television and in the theater. His four children are also well known in popular culture all for their own works and their own stories.

He is an avid activist as well over the decades, a spiritual person and one who brings a wealth of wisdom that has come through in the work we have seen on screen. Martin Sheen now brings his talents to a special podcast presentation as he shares never before heard stories of his life, personal reflections and poetry that inspires.

“I think it’s important you know that I have no intention of leaving who I am at the door with this podcast. Anyone who knows me knows I cannot tell a personal story that doesn’t have some social justice connection at its core. I have my convictions, and issues that draw on my empathy and compassion. Frankly, it is what drives and informs my conscience and makes me who I am. How could I bring any less to this endeavor?”

— Martin Sheen

Event: Western Roundup Living Sober - July 10-12, 2026 - San Francisco, CA

In the San Francisco Castro district the longest running LGBTQ sobriety conference celebrates 50 years with their event this summer in July. The weekend hosts meetings, workshops, speakers and entertainment centered around multiple 12-step programs – in the spiritual home of our world wide community.

Registration is now open at their website https://livingsober.org/

As always you can click on the EVENTS tab at our website growingoldergay.com for LGBTQ gatherings nationwide all year long. If you have an event you would like featured in our event calendar or even here on the podcast, send an email with the details to sam@growingolderday.com

Find everything on our website: growingoldergay.com

Our podcast now on Spotify, Substack and Apple Podcasts in addition to YouTube!

Today we have some good wisdom from Pete Buttigieg on the way forward into 2026, the deets on a live on tracker for anti-LGBTQ+ laws in the works in your home state, a Latino Pride event coming up soon in Arizona, and how we can protect ourselves from HPV and the cancers it can cause.

DAILY MEME: Hope is the consequence of action more than its cause - Pete Buttigieg

* Time to get busy to put a stop to the destruction of our country and way of life

* Get involved locally and be a part of the cause to stop, replace, and rebuild

* Electing Democrats this fall is our number 1 priority. A majority in Congress is our best chance and putting the brakes on the Red Hat agenda.

Great Red Hat Shit Show: LGBTQ+ Legislative Tracking 2026 - LGBTQ+ Legislation Alerts

Following up on our daily meme and it’s message all of us can keep tabs on what’s happening in our own backyards relative to legislation that can affect our community directly on the local level.

There are a number of states in particular where the legislators and governors are hellbent to take advantage of their majorities and their perceived permission structure from the folks to attack LGBTQ+ rights, healthcare, and over social safety net programs.

LGBTQ+ Legislative Research Group which is an independent group of LGBTQ+ researchers, journalists, and activists has assembled a live tracker of active legislation in play in various states that can inform you on what’s in the works locally, so you can be informed and take action.

You can log onto their website at legialerts.org and follow the links to find the live Google Docs that are updated daily on the status of pending bills, across the country in your home state. First I want to thank them for their hard work, and thank you for using it to take action where needed.

There website is on the screen if you’re watching us on YouTube, and can be found in the show notes wherever else you might be listening.

Health: HPV Vaccine Important Consideration For Sexually Active Gay Men

For those of us who are sexually active regardless of sexual identity, the human papilloma virus (HPV) is not only very common, but can present a significant health risk. HPV is known for being the primary cause of genital warts and several types of cancer, including cervical, anal, vulvar, vaginal, penile and oropharyngeal (throat), which includes cancer of the tonsils and back of the tongue.

Nearly 80% of men and women get HPV at some point in our lives, mainly through intimate contact.

For men having sex with men, HPV presents an elevated risk because of the nature and mechanics of our sexual contact. Those of us living with HIV and/or who have multiple sex partners are at an even higher risk of contracting HPV and its associated cancers.

The good news is that there is an available vaccine that is highly effective to protect against HPV and its ability to cause cancers. Today is is routine to give children and teenagers, even young adults the HPV vaccine. Most of us who are older than 30 may not have been given the vaccine as a normal routine and must opt in.

Young persons ages 13-26 who have not been vaccinated require 2 or 3 doses depending on age according to the CDC. If you are 27 45 you may discuss your risk factors with your healthcare provider to see if vaccination is the right option in which case most insurance will cover the medication and administration doses. If however you are over 45, most sources will tell you the vaccine is not recommended because we have already most likely been exposed to the virus at some point.

If however we are over 45 and have a compelling risk model like high sexual activity with multiple partners a provider may be willing to prescribe the vaccine. Most health insurance however will not cover it at over age 45, and it has to be paid for out of pocket.

It’s pretty expensive, ranging from about $200-400 per dosage, of which about three are required over a six month period. That means one has to want it bad enough to be able to pay $600-1200 for it.

As always, I recommend you talk to your medical provider and share with them your concerns and your risk factors and get their advice. I am not a doctor and I am not giving medical advice, just sharing about options available to us to protect ourselves.

Event: Tucson Latino Pride Festival – Saturday, March 7th 2026 - Lpfaz.com

Latino Pride Alliance is gearing up for their 2nd Annual Latino Pride Festival in Tuscon with the date coming up fast on Saturday, March 7th. The community gathering and celebration of LGBTQ friends and allies takes place at the MSA Annex near downtown Tucson at 267 South Avenida del Convento.

The celebration from 2-10 pm includes entertainment, vendor booths, community outreach and plenty of fun. Full information can be found and tickets are on sale now at their website lpfaz.com

As always you can scan our nationwide events calendar at our website growingoldergay.com and click on the EVENTS tab. If you have an event you would like featured in our event calendar or even here on the podcast, send an email with the details to sam@growingolderday.com

Rounding out the year the passing of a dear friend just before Christmas is top of mind, the hit gay-centric TV show Heated Rivalry is binged hard, and the high point blessings of 2025 that came in spite of the Great Red Hat Shit Show are counted.

DAILY MEME: Keep Them As A Flower Inside You – Martha P. Johnson

* Memorializing loved ones in our heart

2025 High Points

* Experienced love felt for others and given to me

* I cried in happiness and in sadness – getting in touch

* LGBTQ+ monument in PS

* New connections with community, new friends, reconnected with family

* Job growth as a result of educational work and willingness to change course

* Found deeper purpose in work and community

* Moved to a new home due to work

* Hope for future in spite of the Great Red Hat Shit Show.

Heated Rivalry on Max (Hulu and Prime with upgrades)

* Heated Rivalry is a Canadian sports romance written, and directed by Jacob Tierney.

* Follows the stories of two different romances between male hockey players.

* The main story follows professional hockey players Shane Hollander (Hudson Williams) and Ilya Rozanov (Connor Storrie) who are fierce rivals on ice but fall into a high energy casual sex relationship off the ice when their paths cross.

* The story evolves over the years as their relationship becomes something more and the challenges of secrecy, feelings and tension increases.

* A second story line of hockey player Scott Hunter played (François Arnaud) and a barista he falls in love with Christopher “Kip” Grady (Robbie G.K) is introduced in parallel that burns with deep love and the challenges of keeping it all secret in the professional spotlight.

* The season finale ends with Hunter winning the season championship and coming out publicly by inviting his secret love down to the ice for a passionate kiss and embrace to a stadium of cheer. Hollander and Rozanov watching from afar are texting one another in shock, empowered to continue their own romance.

* Heated Rivalry is officially renewed for Season 2 which will depict the continuing relationship of Hollander and Rozanov a decade later and the continued challenges they have with secrecy and its tension. Release is tentatively set for 2027.

Find everything on our website: growingoldergay.com

Now On Spotify, Substack and Apple Podcasts in addition to YouTube!

At the table this week we talk strategies to fight off winter doldrums, the big BeefDip Bear Week in Mexico next month, PrEP on demand regime and hanging out with GayPHX.com

DAILY MEME: Good insurance against the winter blues is a renewed commitment to social connection

* Avoid isolation by getting out - movie, or dinner, take a walk.

* Inviting friends or family over for dinner, movie or card night.

* Go to meetings or gatherings, a craft class, club events.

* Get out to the gym in the evenings.

GayPHX.com Podcast and streaming radio station

* I recently sat for an hour long interview for the GayPHX Podcast about GrowingOlderGay.

* Community spotlight, local businesses, personalities and groups.

* Calendar of events at venues.

* Podcast and streaming radio station, social media.

Sexual Health: PrEP 2-1-1 – The On Demand Option

PrEP 2-1-1 is strategically taking Truvada around the times when you have sex, instead of every day.

* PrEP 2-1-1 is good for when you can plan ahead for sex and/or are having sex less frequently. If you’re having sex once a week or less, then PrEP 2-1-1 may be easier to use (and less expensive) than daily PrEP.

* PrEP 2-1-1 requires more attentiveness to timing the doses of Truvada.

* Following the numbers (2-1-1), take two pills together 24 to 2 hours before anticipated sex, take one pill 24 hours after the first two, and then take one more pill 24 hours after that. Take your doses as close to the same time each day as possible.

* If you have sex more than once over more than one day, take two daily doses after the last time you had sex.

* Only Truvada has been studied as 2-1-1, so do not use this dosing strategy with Descovy.

* See your provider to see if PrEP 2-1-1 is an option for you.

* Thank you to San Francisco AIDS foundation for this information.

Puerto Vallarta BeefDip Bear Week 2026 – Jan 25 to Feb 1 -

BeefDip Bear Week is one of the most attended and longest running leather & bear events in the world. It is held in Puerto Vallarta every year between the last weekend of January and the first weekend of February.

* Full week of pool and dance parties around Puerto Vallarta.

* Daytime excursions, play parties, cinner events, and a cruise.

* Bears, bears, bears.

* Your BeefDip Dog Tag includes ALL of the official club/night parties and ALL of the official day/pool parties.

Find everything on our website: growingoldergay.com

Now On Spotify, Substack and Apple Podcasts in addition to YouTube!

DAILY MEME: Make a special effort to support the LGBTQ+ members of our local community.

Holidays are a tough time for many early in their queer journey.

Support local holiday events - bring your joy, your energy and abundance to them.

Host a gathering, invite those who may be alone out or to your home.

Show someone who might need a lift the meaning of chosen family.

Housekeeping: Just Moved because work changed

Off for two weeks over Thanksgiving Holiday.

New townhouse style apartment.

New studio that is subject to change, dinner table, and more.

Tour and explanation of evolution.

Coming to you soon with more including interviews and special guests.

Body Fatigue – Three story

The work of moving hasn’t gotten any easier.

Five days of climbing three floors of stairs killed us.

Took a week to recover physically from strains, pains and fatigue.

Older bodies need rest and a pause.

International Mr. Leather Packages Now On Sale – May 21-25, 2026 – Chicago

The big leather event of the year over Memorial Day Weekend.

Early Access Pricing on Event ticket packages on sale now.

Early Access Pricing ends 2/1/26.

Hotel reservations at Congress Plaza Hotel open now.

Find everything on our website: growingoldergay.com

Now On Spotify, Substack and Apple Podcasts in addition to YouTube!

The Thanksgiving Holiday is coming which means gratitude for what we have and what makes our life good. It also means the gatherings or lack of that we as LGBTQ people might or might not be looking forward to. Today we talk navigation strategies for getting through the holiday.

Daily Meme – Let me set aside time today to quietly gather my gratitude

* Slow mind and take a moment.

* Take inventory of the basics.

* Expand on the peripheral.

Thanksgiving Holiday Survival Strategies

* Choose to spend time with those who you care for the most.

* Invite someone, grow your circle, include in the fun.

* Seek out an emotional safe space, set boundaries with family.

* Take quiet time for yourself if needed.

* Avoid over indulging in alcohol or drugs.

Moving Next Week

No episode next week as we are moving to a larger living space and new studio!

Search for GrowingOlderGay at:

* Apple Podcasts

* Spotify

* Substack

See GrowingOlderGay on social media:

* Facebook

* Instagram

* Threads

* Bluesky

And you can always find us on our website GrowingOlderGay.com for extra stuff!

Find everything on our website: growingoldergay.com

Now On Spotify, Substack and Apple Podcasts in addition to YouTube!

Daily Meme – It’s a privilege to grow old gay

* 30 is not the end point of life for gay men.

* It’s a statistical win for gay men to grow old.

* We can continue with healthy, vibrant sex lives.

* We have wisdom of learned lessons to pass down.

Supreme Court Passes On Gay Marriage

The Supreme Court has rejected the opportunity to revisit the topic of same-sex marriage this week. In the appeal of former Kentucky court clerk Kim Davis to overturn the court’s 2015 ruling in Obergefell v. Hodges, the court decided not to hear the case.

* This means that for now, nationwide protection of same-sex marriage remains the law.

* Conservative right may be defeated for now, but will still continue their fight against same-sex marriage.

* Rejoice but keep your eyes on the fringe Christian Right radar.

Sex Positivity Misnomers

* It’s not how much sex you have, but your attitude toward it.

* It’s about valuing sex as healthy and respectable part of life.

* Being free of shame, guilt, and judgment

* Being open minded and willing to discuss freely

Couple Sex Health

* Honesty and communication.

* Preparation for pop-up needs.

* Adherence to prescribed medications – buddy system.

* Intimate physical check-ins.

San Juan Bear Weekend – 2/12-16 –

sanjuanbearweekend.com

* Thursday Meet and Greet dance party at Club 303.

* Friday Beach Party and Leather Party.

* Saturday Bear Milk Dance Party and Underwear Night.

* Sunday Pool Party.

* Monday Closing Blackout Party.

This comes from our series of videos from earlier this year called “Surviving Anti-LGBTQ Politics”. The 10-part series hits on a variety of strategies to weather the storm we find ourselves in. The final installment after talking about how to get through all the doom was called “Keep Building Utopia”. And to expand on the notion, let me take us back right now to Episode 10 and let my 10-month younger self do the talking..........

“During the darkest days of the AIDS crisis, we buried our friends in the morning, we protested in the afternoon, and we danced all night. The dance kept us in the fight because it was the dance we were fighting for. It didn’t look like we were going to win then and we did. It doesn’t feel like we’re going to win now but we could. Keep fighting, keep dancing. -Dan Savage

Keep Moving Forward

For many of us there has always been a fight. For most of us there will be a fight ahead. We must have something worth fighting for, a win in our days worth the blood, sweat and tears. In the fight we must never forget to keep building our lives as we have always wanted them to be. We must not lose ourselves in the fight.

Continue reaching for your dreams, knowing these trying times will cement them deep in your foundations of life. Take new opportunities to educate yourself, learn new skills, try new things – build your better self. Come out on the other side of these times with a stronger passion, skill set, purpose and direction.

Keep building community. Build new alliances and friendships with the people we meet in the battles, share your passions and your energies with them. Join in the celebrations, the fights, and the communion of your brothers and sisters. Welcome new friends into these circles and give them the support they need too. We all need each other now more than ever.

Never stop creating beauty and celebrating our culture. We are beautiful people who express our color and vibrancy in ways many on this earth wish they could. It’s our superpower, and the one many of those who oppose us are most afraid of. Art, culture, color and celebration of life is why we are who we are. Full speed ahead.

Be who you are without shame or apology. Our beauty and our capacity to love is the thing that makes us special. We need to be visible, vibrant, colorful and joyous. Our example of a good life is the one we must never hide, edit down, discount or put in the closet. Be seen, be heard, you are good.

We deserve our place on this earth and in the fabric of society. We are worthy of equality, love, respect, freedom, and our place at the table of life. In this fight, keep your eyes on the main goal of your life and never top building toward your utopia.

You can catch the entire series on the Surviving Anti-LGBTQ Politics playlist found on our GrowingOlderGay YouTubeChannel which is linked in the information section as well as on screen at the end of this video.

Eagle Cathedral City – eaglebarcc.com

One of the long beloved homes of the LGBTQ leather community in the Palm Springs area had been the iconic Barracks Bar in Cathedral City. Opening in 1992, it survived some 34 years and served as the most favored gay night spot and gathering place in the region until it closed suddenly in August of 2024 under a number of challenges.

While Dicks On Arenas still remains as a leather bar as well as the popular Tool Shed in Palm Springs, the community suddenly found themselves with a huge hole in their night life. Locals Phillip and Jeremy Nalwalker missed it so much, they wanted to bring it back.

With a groundswell of enthusiasm from the local community, the couple invested their life savings in addition to over $700,000 in crowdfunding to secure and transform the old Barracks location into a world-class gay space – bigger, better and more encompassing than before.

Starting with a complete down to the studs remodel and expansion, it will become the Eagle Cathedral City, pay homage to the other 30+ Eagle leather bars in the world. In my visit to the Eagle Bar open house over Leather Pride weekend, I saw that the old Barracks Bar interior and exterior has been stripped bare and ready to move onto the construction phase of a completely re-imagined space.

An expanded patio area, around twice the size of the old one with an additional 800 square feet. Well shaded, there will be an additional outdoor bar for faster service on busy nights. A bank of lockers and bench will be provided for a wardrobe changes - woof. There are also going to be cooling misters and heating elements both to knock the edges off of weather extremes

Inside, a larger and more navigable dance space will feature modern state-of-the-art lighting, and an incredible new sound system that promises to make the Eagle the areas premier dance club and a favorite for DJs. Additional bathroom space is being added with some 14 stalls and 6 urinals.

While the building and facilities will be entirely new from top to bottom, a new energy and slate of fresh events are planned Phillip and Jeremy are keeping what they have missed. The built-in Rough Trade Gear store will be back, the pool table will have it’s place, and yes the famous Sunday beer bust will return.

In my conversation with Phillip and Jeremy at the open house, it was stated they plan to open in February of 2026 in conjunction with the International Bear Convergence weekend. You can learn more at their website eaglebarcc.com and even buy gear with their new bar logo on it.

Palm Springs LGBTQ Monument

Having spoken about the new LGBTQ monument in downtown Palm Springs in our last episode I just had to go see it for myself in person when my husband and I were in town for Palm Springs Leather Pride weekend.

Seeing it in the flesh was an amazing experience because it’s huge and imposing. At 8 feet tall and 14-feed wide, it’s layout and shapes drawing you into it. No matter which direction you approach the colorful steel structure from, it looks different. Circumnavigating it brings new perspectives that just seem endless. You can even get to the center of it and look through.

Just unveiled last month the $500,000 sculpture is located in Frances Stevens Park at the corner of Alejo and Indian Canyon Drive just on the north side of downtown. Designed by renowned artist Jim Isermann, it features the expanded colors of the Philadelphia rainbow flag. It’s a must see when you visit Palm Springs

Palm Springs Leather Contest

This year’s annual Palm Springs Leather Pride event was one for the books in terms of attendance, new event features, and in the poignant unfolding of the contest itself. The event held at the Hotel Zoso in downtown hosted four days of leather folk in fabulous Palm Springs weather perfect for many of the outdoor events both onsite and off.

And speaking of those, there were two clothing optional pool parties at Cathedral City Boys Club (CCBC) and an indoor play party in the hotel basement called Going Deep. Having attended both, I can tell you myself and my husband came home tired and sore in all the right places.

The CCBC event was packed with hundreds of men both in and around the pool as well as in all of the surrounding play spots. At the hotel play party, over 500 men packed the basement with DJ music, lots of mazes, play furnishings, and cleaning supplies to make it one of the best organized mass orgies I think I have ever seen. Woof, woof, woof.

The contest itself was the center of the action with last year’s Mr Palm Springs Leather title holder Rene Hebert handing his sash off to this year’s contest winner Honey Davenport. Honey came into the contest this year with the title of Mr Dicks Leather. He was one of my top picks for winner before the contest and came out on top well deserved. Congratulations Honey, it was a great performance and I look forward to seeing what you bring to the community.

Making the evening an emotional space too was Rene Hebert’s step down speech. First of all, if you are unaware, he is currently the reigning International Mr. Leather, having won that contest last spring in addition to his Mr. Palm Springs Leather title. He is a native of Canada, but has currently lived in Palm Springs to be close to his leather family Daddy Doc Duhon, James Moore, or partner James Dunagan.

Bringing the evening to tears was his announcement that he will be leaving the U.S. before Christmas because his visa renewal was denied. While I can’t run his entire speech here, I will let him share some of what he said.

I had a hard time with this obviously. It’s a perfect storm of where we are at as a country right now, that someone who has contributed so much to his community, who is an upstanding representative of his craft, and a well educated professional is kicked out for no apparent reason. In a show of solidarity, his leather family based in Palm Springs has also announced they plan to follow Rene to Canada to continue their journey together.

We as a community need to continue supporting our tribes, and continue building our utopia. They all represent a great example of the keep moving forward mindset. I love you guys.

Coming Up Personal Changes

In the continuing to move forward vein, my day job employer announced last month that our team would be transitioning from working at the office to a work-at-home model. For me this is a double sided coin because I have worked from home before for a good length of time and am used to what it means.

The challenge is that because of work in the health care field, there are strict requirements for my work-at-home space. It has to be secure and private, separated from other people in the household. That means for my husband and I, a move to a larger home that can provide a separate workspace.

The good news here is that in the coming month, I will be coming to you from a new studio space / dining table scenario. This will provide hopefully for better quality both for our studio recorded content and whatever else I present to you. There might be a weekend where there is no podcast while the move takes place, but I will keep you informed.

Social Media & YouTube

Please follow us on all of our social media channels, @growingoldergay the 4-major food groups including Facebook, Instagram, Threads and BlueSky. Also get a refresher course on how to survive the national disaster we are all living through right now with the full playlist of Surviving Anti-LGBTQ Politics.