My clearest memory of this feeling was when I visited my family in Jamaica. I stood on the verandah with my grandmother, standing, looking at the passing clouds as she sat and spoke to me. I was to leave in a few days, and I wanted to treasure every moment, but my spirit felt gone from my body, as if I were an outsider looking at myself from afar. I couldn’t stop thinking of my grandparents, who seemed much older; I wanted to be little again and for time to slow down. I realized I was worn down and too depleted to feel the present passing of time; I felt stuck in my own mind.

I’ve come to realize that exhaustion is a deeply spiritual experience that follows a physically worn body, or comes before it. The two often collide at some point, as if teaming up to make you listen. Our body is deeply intelligent, deeply spiritual, and it tells us more than we think. I often brace when I find myself at this point again because I fear that if I sink into it, I’ll never get out, or it’ll cost me too much. I’m starting to realize that my best way out isn’t sinking, nor is it throwing myself into the deep end. Instead, it is when I try my best to float. It feels almost like surrender, while holding unto the pieces of control that I can. The equivalent of keeping my nose above water, my back arched, my feet wide and light, my arms open. I let the lapping water on my face be a reminder that I’m not sinking.. that I can still feel cool air against my skin. For just a minute more I’ll trust the water to carry me.

So I’ve been learning to listen.. this is what she tells me :

1. You miss your younger you for a reason.

Be a child again. Children are to be admired, and respected. They are most purely themselves, they listen to who they are and they embrace it. As an adult you drift further and further from you and closer to what the world tells you.

“Listen to me for a minute” , she says. So I write down the things I loved as a child, the things that brought me the greatest joy and that I did without the push back of a noisy mind. This is what she said:

Read - Find worlds to travel and continue to learn and meet new people. Explore many lives. Engage your imagination. This place that is far away has always been your getaway. Go make a visit.

Write - Words are your language of love, they are your redemption.They are your release.

Embrace your quirky.

Sing.

Perform.

Create.

2. Return to the Sun

Naturally, when I retreat inwards I find that I spend more time indoors. It’s hard to go outside, but once I do, there is something refreshing and comforting about the gentle wind, and the warmth of the sun. One of my favourite things to do in nature is to take my socks off and feel the earth beneath my feet, the grass between my toes. The sun on my forehead, chin titled towards the sky. When I do these things, even just one, I can feel my spirit recharging. Especially the sun.

3. I play dress up

I wear clothes that makes me feel inspired. A flowy dress because I am embracing my romantic. Overalls or headwrap because today I am an artist who works at home. Lots of jewellery and my hair out in an afro ; I am a fairy. Feeling like I look good in my outfits brings a little more magic to my day and it inspires me to step into whatever that mood is. Really I am playing dress up, like I once did when I was young. Except now I can do it all the time and make it even more real with adult tools. In dressing up, I tell myself that I am worth the effort, I am worth the care.

4. I think about my dreams

I’ve noticed that alot of the times when I’m anxious it’s because I have dreams that I am ignoring because I do not believe I can ever reach them. My soul feels unfulfilled because it can sense I am not working towards any thing I truly dream about. I want to be a writer and a poet… I reach for my paper and I start writing again, little by little. I day dream about having a bakery someday so I start baking again and I give it away to friends and family because that’s when it tastes the best. I’ve noticed that there is always push back before I do things aligned with my dreams, but once I do them, I start to believe more, I start to feel more like a spirit in a body, instead of an empty shell.

5. I change my definition of success

Success doesn’t have to be lots of money, a steady career, many trophies on a shelf. Success can be whatever you decide it to be. When I started to think like that, I realized I am not failing. What even is failing, except fear and shame built into an idea that’s meant to control? Success can be living minimally, in a peaceful place. It can be a kind heart that doesn’t harden in a cruel world. You are successful. And you can decide what that means for you.. today.

6. I slow down

As someone who was raised in a slower paced country, I could feel the jarring difference of the fast paced life of the bustling city, of a place that revolves around schedules and the clock. I am not living in the country side like I wish to be, but I can replicate it as best as I can. Slower mornings. Less time on the phone, more time wholeheartedly engaging in whatever I’m doing.

7. I let myself stop performing

For many, we smile more, laugh harder, and are extra bubbly when we’re going through it. Partly because we want to force ourselves into being okay, staying above water, and reassure others that everything is fine. But often we’re simply hiding from ourselves. I realized one day that it felt tiring, that I was using more energy to cover up my exhaustion. I decided to let myself breathe without a performance. This was the decision that pulled me closer to floating.

It felt like a self-confrontation, followed by an embrace. That’s when I could slowly start to pull myself up again. I realized I wanted to be heard, much more than I knew. I started with myself.

Author’s Note

Now, this list is, of course, not a prescription that promises to bring you back to yourself. Let me remind you that I’ve been in this space countless times, and I always drift back. So this is not a cure; instead, it is a declaration that you matter. Sometimes the smallest steps make the biggest difference because we’ve stored a lifetime of data in our bodies, and it already knows it. I hope this letter permits you to embrace you, wholeheartedly.

With all my love,

Aliyah

As always, your support means the world to me. I hope to see you again, next time.

Thanks for reading Aliyah’s Substack! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work.

I just knew I was vengeful for something incredibly offensive -

Dala laughed at me,

But it wasn’t even funny.

Let’s see if he’ll laugh at this -

I walked up to him and turned around

Pushed my buttocks out

And I squeezed

I squeezed with all my might

And when I felt a pop

I knew I was successful

Laughter couldn’t keep itself in this body of mine

Holding my stomach,

Rolling on the floor -

I let it out

“Mama! Mi pupup on Dala!” The words bubbled out with giggles

Yet Their noses scrunched like a domino effect one after the other

And I felt a bulge in my underwear

“Look how you crap yourself,” Dala pointed out

And my laughter left as quickly as it came

And theirs entered with a force that shook me

Entirely

Author’s Note ~

This memory is one I hold dear to me, funny enough, for some reason, what felt like an everlasting moment of shame has cradled itself into the softest parts of my heart. I’m sure you’ve had a memory like that, one you never thought you would treasure years later. I was maybe 4 or 5 at the time, and my little body wanted revenge and there I learned a valuable lesson.

Take a moment to dig through your treasure chest of memories, what’s coming up for you? I hope this trip with me through memory lane has gifted and reminded you of something that could be helpful right about now.

Thank you for listening

As always, your support means the world to me. I hope to see you again, next time. If you’d like to continue to see my work, Please support me by subscribing. It’s free!

Thank you <3

Thanks for reading Aliyah’s Substack! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work.

Credits

* Music by Epidemic Sound : Out of Order . The Fly Guy Five

* Pinterest Image : @morgunovaludmila097

Never really in sight but its presence drifted over the people

It’s breeze brushed against our tongues, pulling words like Irie and Godbless

Yes, the people of the sun -

Where mother nature held us but allowed us to know her in her anger

Childhood enveloped my years with yellow butterflies and gravel roads

Evergreen trees danced with the rain and stood in reverence with the sun

See I was raised on an island, where our bodies danced along to beating drums,

and our tongues knew no bounds

Speak and laugh and sing the joys of this land

Our sorrows echo together in a mighty shout

I was born under the skies of May

So I’ve always known the gentle hum hum

I was instantly shown the magic of the world – its hot breath pours life into me,

Intimate , See ?

We walk a land that tells us stories and asks for the touch of our bare feet

Thanks for reading Aliyah’s Substack! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work.

Author’s note ~

I left home at the age of 14. It’s been almost 10 years since I left. Home is an island called Jamaica. I often go through my days carrying pieces of the memory of this place with me. It was the place of my childhood, and the place I can find some of my most favourite people on this earth. I love to find ways to slip our language into my speech; we call it Jamaican Patois.

It’s easy to feel disconnected when you’ve been away for so long without the language surrounding you, without the people around you and the sun that holds it all together. So I wrote this piece in homage to the place I am from.

To those of you who are far away from home, and those who feel like home is a collection of the people you love, all in one space, and therefore no longer exists, I hope this brings you comfort.

You might be far from this place, and even if you know you’ll probably never move back, remember that you are a snapshot, a living relic that simply exists in another space. Home is within you.

As always, your support means the world to me. I hope to see you again next time. If you’d like to continue to see my work, please support me by subscribing. It’s free!

Thank you <3

You know those early days when your little body held big anger?

I just knew I was vengeful for something incredibly offensive -

Dala laughed at me,

But it wasn’t even funny.

Let’s see if he’ll laugh at this -

I walked up to him and turned around

Pushed my buttocks out

And I squeezed

I squeezed with all my might

And when I felt a pop

I knew I was successful

Laughter couldn’t keep itself in this body of mine

Holding my stomach,

Rolling on the floor -

I let it out

“Mama! Mi pupup on Dala!” The words bubbled out with giggles

Yet Their noses scrunched like a domino effect one after the other

And I felt a bulge in my underwear

“Look how you crap yourself,” Dala pointed out

And my laughter left as quickly as it came

And theirs entered with a force that shook me

Entirely

Author’s Note ~

This memory is one I hold dear to me, funny enough, for some reason, what felt like an everlasting moment of shame has cradled itself into the softest parts of my heart. I’m sure you’ve had a memory like that, one you never thought you would treasure years later. I was maybe 4 or 5 at the time, and my little body wanted revenge and there I learned a valuable lesson.

Take a moment to dig through your treasure chest of memories, what’s coming up for you? I hope this trip with me through memory lane has gifted and reminded you of something that could be helpful right about now.

Thank you for listening

As always, your support means the world to me. I hope to see you again, next time. If you’d like to continue to see my work, Please support me by subscribing. It’s free!

Thank you <3

Thanks for reading Aliyah’s Substack! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work.

Credits

* Music by Epidemic Sound : Out of Order . The Fly Guy Five

* Pinterest Image : @morgunovaludmila097

From a young age, the seas surrounded me,

Never really in sight but its presence drifted over the people

It’s breeze brushed against our tongues, pulling words like Irie and Godbless

Yes, the people of the sun -

Where mother nature held us but allowed us to know her in her anger

Childhood enveloped my years with yellow butterflies and gravel roads

Evergreen trees danced with the rain and stood in reverence with the sun

See I was raised on an island, where our bodies danced along to beating drums,

and our tongues knew no bounds

Speak and laugh and sing the joys of this land

Our sorrows echo together in a mighty shout

I was born under the skies of May

So I’ve always known the gentle hum hum

I was instantly shown the magic of the world – its hot breath pours life into me,

Intimate , See ?

We walk a land that tells us stories and asks for the touch of our bare feet

Thanks for reading my Substack! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work.

Author’s note ~

I left home at the age of 14. It’s been almost 10 years since I left. Home is an island called Jamaica. I often go through my days carrying pieces of the memory of this place with me. It was the place of my childhood, and the place I can find some of my most favourite people on this earth. I love to find ways to slip our language into my speech; we call it Jamaican Patois.

It’s easy to feel disconnected when you’ve been away for so long without the language surrounding you, without the people around you and the sun that holds it all together. So I wrote this piece in homage to the place I am from.

To those of you who are far away from home, and those who feel like home is a collection of the people you love, all in one space, and therefore no longer exists, I hope this brings you comfort.

You might be far from this place, and even if you know you’ll probably never move back, remember that you are a snapshot, a living relic that simply exists in another space. Home is within you.

As always, your support means the world to me. I hope to see you again next time. If you’d like to continue to see my work, please support me by subscribing. It’s free!

Thank you <3

It’s been a week now since I’ve written this. I wanted to say hi <3. 

Lately I’ve been committed to keeping the promises I make with myself, the promise to live a fulfilling life through my mission, my dreams, and for living for myself with peace and love that also moves through others. 

So I’ve been sleeping more, drinking more water, eating better and better, running and showing up consistently for my dreams, my passions, my missions. Basking in the sun that invigorates me. I can feel my skin glowing brighter, my body brimming with life and energy, my mind calmer and my soul more and more at peace. 

Peace has been coming in waves, like a gentle breeze that caresses my face each time it passes by. It’s been showing up more and staying longer- soon I think it will be a presence I know very well and one that stays.

Some of my clients are starting to recognize me. My YouTube and my Substack , are slowly growing ; small tokens of my consistent efforts. The more I show up in these ways, the more my life seems to fall into place, no longer unsteady or tumultuous - I’ve received the message.

  I’m starting to taste it and feel it in my bones, my life that was meant for me —becoming mine. It was always mine wasn’t it? Maybe I have always known what it is I need to do , my mission, my desires. I’m starting to realise that I have the key.

Who I am, who I want to be is already within me isn’t it? It is there for me when I finally decide to take it. 

That light that glows within me, that has never gone out even when surrounded by darkness - I have always softened the room and eventually brought it back to life. That light that burns within me seems to know more than it lets on, I’m starting to trust it. This inner knowing.

Your guide is within you and around you. Keep going and you’ll see that the universe, the creator , your guides will meet you. They have always been there , you know that. And they are cheering you on. 

With all my love, 

Aliyah

I wrote this letter to myself - only for myself. Sorry this one wasn’t made with you guys in mind (hahaha) But the more I read it, the more surprised I felt by its clarity and the emotions it stirred in me. I started to think maybe… just maybe, it might stir something in you too. I feel that this could also be for you.

I love you guys and am grateful that you’re here. So this letter that I selfishly wrote, I want to also offer to you, as a way of saying, ‘I hope you give this to yourself too, and believe it -You deserve it. And I am cheering you on.’

As always, your support means the world to me. I hope to see you again, next time. If you’d like to continue to see my work, Please support me by subscribing. It’s free!

Thank you <3

Thanks for reading Aliyah’s Substack! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work.

Thanks for reading Aliyah’s Substack! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work.

I wrote this poem for a reflective class project, at the time I was struggling with which memories to turn into a story, this one constantly played out in my mind. We were little girls making magic from the mundane. Our house was our castle and we were the sculptors no one knew about, our mischief is where we flourished.

I hold these memories like golden rays of sun that turned gold. Growing up is quite the journey, but I’m never too old to take my frequent trips, to memory lane.

With love, to grandma whose home was a magical garden full of possibilities and Tiana - you were always a sister long before I knew it.

I hope you guys enjoyed! I know alot of feels this thing called nostalgia quiet often. For me it can be a thing of aching sadness or a joyful treasure I can hold unto forever. I hope this piece helps you dig out some memories that moves you and brings you life.

Thanks for reading Aliyah’s Substack! This post is public so feel free to share it.

Thank you for being here, your support means everything to me. I am so grateful for it.

Feel free to say hi! or leave your thoughts or your stories below. I would love to hear from you.

I love to spend days in my mind with 

you

Crafting the feel of your fingertips 

against my skin

And the smile that pulls sorrow from mine 

Unravel me like an infinite thread and 

combine the comfort of our joined tomorrows

I close my eyes and you are more real 

than ever before

My lids become heavy with the weight 

of something I can’t hold

See I am an artist, 

and to my own detriment, create and

 destroy 

Spinning butterfly cocoons from silk,

 I let my pen and the vastness of my 

mind 

Mold you into place, 

and blossom from the conviction

 of my heart 

I wish I could breathe magic into you, 

and make you appear from this place 

that is so unreachable 

and out of touch 

With the tip of my fingers to my pen, 

I wish you could simply 

appear

Thanks for reading my Substack! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work.

I am a hopeless romantic and a dreamer. What a combination ! We all have dreams, and often I’ve noticed we sometimes find it hard to admit that we want to find a lover. Not just any lover, but one who is permanent and a tender hug to our soul , a testament to who we are, the life we live and the way we want to be loved.

It’s easy to get caught up in this dream to the point of romanticizing and daydreaming, I often found myself going to this land. A land where all my dreams came true and this was one of them. I wanted to share this poem for those of you who are still dreaming and often get whisked away in the fear that it will never come. I hope you find what you are looking for, while living and loving fully regardless. I hope this comforts some part of your soul, and some part of your mind , knowing that we can all be a little lonely, sometimes.

Thank you for being here, your support means everything to me. I am so grateful for it.

Feel free to say hi! or leave your thoughts or your stories below. I would love to hear from you.

This post is public so feel free to share it, I appreciate your support. Thank you always!