Chapter 1 - Why Tell a Story

Chapter 2 - Who Are You?

Chapter 3 - How to Build a Story

Chapter 4 - Stories and Their Uses

Chapter 5 - Stories to Communicate and Connect

Chapter 6 - Stories to Teach and Train

Chapter 7 - Stories to Persuade and Influence

Chapter 8 - Stories to Cast Vision and Communicate

Chapter 9 - Stories to Entertain and Engage

Chapter 10 - Stories to Market and Promote

Chapter 11 - Stories to Honor and Remember

Chapter 12 - Stories to Heal and Grow

Chapter 13 - Now What?

It’s 2:00pm on a sweltering August afternoon in Columbus, Ohio and I feel nothing but the heat. And that bothers me.

I’m winding down the process of getting our son checked in as a freshman at The Ohio State University. It’s an absolute circus. There are multiple lines to stand in, sticker footprints to follow, and forms to fill out. And of course, payments to make.

There are two types of college parents. The alumni, second child-drop-off know-it-all who is more than happy to tell us how our hearts would be broken today.

And then there are the first timers like me. I went to college at night and on weekends. This is overwhelming for me too.

I already knew my heart would be broken today. I’d been told that as soon as our kids were born.

When we had Dustin in 1996, it was a gift. I didn’t have much of a relationship with my older children at the time and felt I had a second chance.

Dustin and I were really close, sharing a love of wrestling, football, and food. We attended Redskins and Ravens games, WWE events, and went one summer to the Professional Football Hall of Fame in Canton. It was this way until about late middle school when kids, especially boys, tend to drift into their own world. But up until this time he would often still want to hold my hand when we were out in public. I always appreciated this. I didn’t experience this with my dad. I might have been 5 or so when once when I hugged him, I kissed him on the lips. He recoiled in anger and yelled at me to never do that again. I never forgot that.

When Dustin was accepted into OSU, he mentally was already there. By then he was independent, with a job, a girlfriend, and a small circle of friends. When he graduated high school, his girlfriend immediately broke up with him which sent summer plans into a tailspin. There was a lot going on as we were in the process of relocating to Tennessee and I had already moved down there from Maryland. Dustin opted to come down with me and spent the summer moping around.

I started looking forward to school starting.

So, when we drove up to Columbus that August, I was secretly celebrating.

But after arriving on campus, reality set it. My celebration turned into numbness. And by 2PM it concerned me. I wondered when the heartbreaking was supposed to happen.

I helped Dustin unpack and make his bed. They stuck him in an antiquated dorm that didn’t have AC.

Fortunately, his roommate’s mom ran out and bought a fan. I felt bad for him but didn’t bother to tell him he had it made compared to sharing a room with 39 other dirty, sweaty, stinky guys in an open bay barracks like I did in boot camp.

His roommate was anxious to get out and start the party and so was Dustin. He agreed to walk me to my truck. As soon as we went up the walkway in the parking structure and I saw my truck, it hit me.

I broke down like I hadn’t in a long time. It came out of nowhere and wouldn’t stop. Dustin hugged me awkwardly and I composed myself. We said goodbye and I drove out of the structure. As I turned on to the interstate, headed back home, that wave of emotion hit me again. I was sobbing so hard I had to pull over, which on that part of the road was difficult. It felt a little like when you have food poisoning and can’t stop throwing up. I think it was my heart throwing up that afternoon.

And then, as I again composed myself, a thought crossed my mind. I’d be doing this again in three years. This time with my daughter Allison. And immediately, my heart threw up again.

Allison and I had a special relationship as she grew up. We shared a love of music and creative things. From age five through 16, we would go out to Carrabba’s or Macaroni Grill before attending the annual father-daughter dance at the church. It was our special date night. In Middle School, our thing became going out for coffee every morning before I dropped her at school.

When we moved down to Tennessee, Allison and I remained close and as she entered her senior year, I knew the big date was just around the corner.

The closer we got to graduation though, the more independent Allison became. Her friends all lived in Clarksville, about 45 minutes from us so she was always gone. As soon as she was accepted into the University of Tennessee, she mentally checked out of childhood and was ready to go.

That summer was full of tension. Allison and her mom are often like oil and water and the elements were active. There were battles over curfews and freedom. I began looking forward to August.

By July 4th, I was praying for August to hurry up and get here. UT sent out a letter offering a two-week math camp for incoming freshmen who might need some help. We decided Allison needed some help. I drove her to Knoxville and got her checked in. I was so excited to leave and get home that I got on I-40 east and didn’t realize until 30 minutes later I was headed in the wrong direction.

By the time math camp was over, we were already in empty nest mode. To be perfectly honest, and I feel really bad about this, I don’t remember dropping Allison off at college the following week. I just remember that I wasn’t devastated. I was sad. I missed her. But I handled it without a tear.

Both of our kids did great in college and have successful careers. Dustin runs warehouse distribution for a startup in Las Vegas. He impresses me with his ability to mix house music, and I speed walk to his tracks.

Allison, a strategic sourcing analyst at Southwest Airlines, is now officially a road warrior herself. We enjoy b******g about travel issues and only speak of airports in their three letter codes. I love when the kids come home to visit, especially when they can be home at the same time. And when they bring their partners. It makes me feel complete.

I think in both cases, the Universe had my back. And my heart. With Dustin I needed to be reminded as I was driving home from Columbus, of how much I loved him. With Allison, I needed some help letting her go. Seeing her independent streak that summer made me realize she was already gone, which meant I had nothing to let go of.

I’m grateful for that.

I’m grateful for them. What have you had to let go of?

This was a hard story to tell. Difficult in that it brings back a lot of raw emotion. Difficult in that it’s a reminder of how fast time flies.

Stories of healing and growth are often the easiest, hard-to-tell stories there are. It’s easy to tell because you experienced it. Difficult in that it often brings back raw emotions.

There is one purpose for a story of healing and growth: To show someone that no matter how tough something is, somehow, you’ll find a way through it, and often are better because of the experience.

That’s tough. Especially if you’re the one going through hell and listening to it. But that’s where healing begins. When we see someone who survived and thrived after experiencing what we are going through, it gives us hope.

If you’re planning to tell a story of healing and growth, build it from this outline:

Place the listener at the scene

“It’s 2:00pm on a sweltering August afternoon in Columbus, Ohio…”

A healing story needs an anchor — when and where the pain started. This transports the listener into the exact emotional context.

Use a common human experience

The empty nest, letting go of children, and feeling emotional numbness are common yet deeply personal transitions.

Your audience will connect with your vulnerability and recognize their own life stages in yours.

Demonstrate the contrast between expectations and reality

“I expected heartbreak but instead felt nothing.”

That contrast created confusion and inner conflict — a relatable and powerful dynamic.

This dissonance often marks the beginning of healing.

Identify previous patterns and how they affected this story

Me with Dustin: healing from my own absent father.

Me with Allison: navigating identity and independence.

Generational ties give the story depth. I’m not just letting go of my kids — I was healing my inner child too.

Show emotion and vulnerability

“It felt like my heart was throwing up.”

Metaphors like this break intellectual barriers and speak straight to the emotional center. Healing stories demand raw truth like this. You might be giving words to something they have been feeling for a long time. They are grateful for this.

Moments of Emotional Climax

“I didn’t cry at first. But when I saw the truck and said goodbye — the tears came.”

These peaks are cathartic for the audience too. If the storyteller felt it and survived, so can I.

Resolution through meaning

“The Universe had my back. And my heart.”

Finding meaning after the pain is what transforms a sad story into a healing one. Even if the resolution is a painful one.

Subtle redemption

I express regret (“I don’t remember dropping Allison off”) but follow it with appreciation.

Redemption in healing stories often comes not from perfection, but from growth and continued love. You just need to have the courage enough to open yourself up that far. Do you?

Gratitude as closure

“I’m grateful for that. I’m grateful for them.”

Gratitude transforms pain into wisdom. That’s the moment when growth overtakes grief.

An appeal to your audience

“What have you had to let go of?”

This creates a bridge from your story to theirs — the moment of healing begins for the listener.

Finally, know that while your story may not be for everyone, it will be specifically for someone. And for that one person, it will be the story they need to heal and grow.

If you have the courage and want to help others heal, please tell your story.

Chapter 1 - Why Tell a Story

Chapter 2 - Who Are You?

Chapter 3 - How to Build a Story

Chapter 4 - Stories and Their Uses

Chapter 5 - Stories to Communicate and Connect

Chapter 6 - Stories to Teach and Train

Chapter 7 - Stories to Persuade and Influence

Chapter 8 - Stories to Cast Vision and Communicate

Chapter 9 - Stories to Entertain and Engage

Chapter 10 - Stories to Market and Promote

Chapter 11 - Stories to Honor and Remember

Chapter 12 - Stories to Heal and Grow

Chapter 13 - Now What?

Brian Griset was the child for whom the term “little s**t” was coined.

He was the last born of Lorin and Dorothy Griset. Brian’s siblings were all much older and living on their own. He came along a little unexpectedly I’d guess.

Mr. Griset was an important man. He served for a time as Mayor of the city of Santa Ana, California. He was a leader in the church I grew up in. He was a lot to live up to.

And I suspect Brian cared little about that.

I knew Brian from my second-grade class. I knew who he was, but we weren’t friends. Then, one Sunday morning, my parents decided to try out a new church. When they walked me into the second-grade class, Brian rushed up to greet me. This was his church. We instantly became best friends.

I wish I could say being Brian’s best friend was easy. It wasn’t. I was introverted. I was quite comfortable being by myself and reading or building a model. Brian had to be active and always engaged. There was no sitting still. His parents encouraged our friendship. I think it’s because they saw how I kept Brian out of their hair. I kept him entertained.

Brian wasn’t drawn to trouble. He ran towards it. I could write a book about Brian, but to properly recognize my friend, I’ll pull out a few of the best anecdotes so you can hear his story from my perspective.

1975. Santa Ana, CA. We are 11 and Brian is bored. We are currently at his older house in a rundown part of downtown Santa Ana. He and his parents live in a nicer home in Orange.

We decide to take a walk. The sidewalk takes us through an old neighborhood. We walk past a row of tall juniper bushes and hear a dog growling. I look to my right and there is a large German shepherd staring at us, teeth bared, hair standing up, and growling.

We freeze. Then Brian looks at the dog and starts waving his arms and barking at it. The dog leaps up and chases us. We wind around a few houses and jump a fence to escape. The whole time, Brian is howling with laughter. I’m exhausted and pissed at him.

“What were you thinking?” I ask.

“That was fun right?” he answers.

It wasn’t. But it was more fun than what happens next.

We take a different way back home to his house, hoping to avoid the dog. We pass a park with a basketball court. The court has weeds growing up through the cracks but a group of African American teens in white tank top t-shirts and large afro hairstyles are playing a pickup game. Brian heads toward them. I grit my teeth. After the dog incident, I have no clue what he is capable of.

He stops, opens his mouth, and calls the group of them the N-word. Then he turns and runs. I still can’t believe what happened but take off with him.

Those guys chase us down the street and through an ally, all the way back to Brian’s house. We manage to get there about 30 seconds before them and crawl underneath his house into the crawlspace. We can see their feet walking around the screens that covered the crawlspace. The dust they kick up drifts under the house. I feel the urge to sneeze.

And Brian is giggling uncontrollably. This is all just a fun game to him.

Mercifully, the kids give up and leave. I am having second thoughts about this friendship.

1975 and 1976. I go on a couple of trips with the Grisets. Mr. Griset is involved with the Billy Graham crusades and often works at them. Brian comes along, which means I do too. Those two trips are exhausting for me. Way too many opportunities for him to find trouble for us. Brian can behave though. One morning at the crusade in San Diego, Brian and I have breakfast with Ruth Bell Graham, Billy Graham’s wife. My fingers and toes are crossed hoping Brian doesn’t f**k up and do or say something stupid to her.

We drift apart in middle school, when I find a much more compatible best friend in Robert “Buzz” Bolton, but Brian’s personality and energy grows. In 7th grade, at summer camp, we are instructed by the head of the camp about the most important rule.

“Never, EVER pull the fire alarm up here unless there is a real fire. If you do and it’s a false alarm, someone in the city could be in danger.”

“Most Important Rule” for a guy like Brian is nothing more than a challenge. We pick up our sleeping bags and suitcases and head to our cabins. I watch Brian. I know exactly what he is going to do. He walks up the closest fire alarm he can find, drops his sleeping bag and suitcase, turns around to look at us, smiles, and pulls the alarm. He just can’t help himself.

Brian attends the same high school I did, dating the girl that eventually becomes my ex-wife. He leaves in 11th grade and goes to a different school. I lose touch with him after that.

Until 2000 when our high school holds a reunion. I fly in from Maryland. I see many of my old classmates and of course Brian. And, in true Brian-like fashion, he shows up with his new boyfriend. Our high school was a conservative Christian school. He makes a statement. None of us expect anything less.

But that was Brian. Brian’s life was a statement. What I didn’t know was that after high school and college, Brian had a successful career in sales (no surprise there). He worked tirelessly on charity rides raising money for AIDS treatment. He had hundreds of Facebook friends. Brian’s light shined like the sun. We all basked in it. After the reunion, Brian called me every year on my birthday. We weren’t close, but we were now reconnected.

And so, in 2010, when I heard he passed away, I didn’t know how to react. Shocked for sure. From what I knew, I never saw it coming. I think that was shared by his many friends. We couldn’t imagine life without Brian in it. For years after his passing, people, including me, would write on his Facebook wall. Messages that contained memories. Stories. So many stories. So many lives he touched.

A few years ago, I tried to find him on Facebook after I got locked out of my account. His page was gone. Someone took it down at last, I guess. I have no doubt people would still be posting on it. I know I would.

I googled his obituary once again. It’s a long one. Look it up. Then I googled his dad’s. In terms of importance and scope and wealth and connections with bigwigs, Mr. Griset had him beat. But those seemed to me like nothing more than the deer heads you see mounted on the wall in someone’s trophy room. Brian’s obituary is rich with who and how he loved and who was loved by him.

And we are all better for having known him.

If I was asked to speak at Brian’s memorial, that would be the story I’d tell. I used many examples of Brian’s antics when I taught the Kiersey Temperaments in my management workshops.

Brian’s behavior is classic Temperament SP. SPs are all about action and making a statement and being in the spotlight. When I tell my Brian stories, the audiences howl with laughter. That is how Brian would want to be remembered. I’m convinced of it. He wanted to make people laugh. That’s why he looked at us before he pulled the fire alarm.

If you get the chance to write a story that honors and remembers, be sure to do it in that order. I can remember a lot of wild s**t Brian did that I would not dare share with people at a memorial. But hey, that was Brian. Not all crazy can be controlled. Still, be sure what you want to say would be appropriate in front of the person’s family and friends. Especially grandparents and children.

Write your story from your perspective. Resist the temptation to project what the person might have been thinking. You likely don’t know. Memorializing someone has a formula. You honor the person from your perspective by what they did for you. You can only speak to how it made you feel, not to their intention even if you can guess. Tell your story and let the audience put the pieces where they think they should go.

And one last suggestion. Why wait for a memorial to tell somebody’s story? I would love the opportunity to read this story to Brian. I only wish I had done it when I could. Don’t wait until it’s too late.

Chapter 1 - Why Tell a Story

Chapter 2 - Who Are You?

Chapter 3 - How to Build a Story

Chapter 4 - Stories and Their Uses

Chapter 5 - Stories to Communicate and Connect

Chapter 6 - Stories to Teach and Train

Chapter 7 - Stories to Persuade and Influence

Chapter 8 - Stories to Cast Vision and Communicate

Chapter 9 - Stories to Entertain and Engage

Chapter 10 - Stories to Market and Promote

Chapter 11 - Stories to Honor and Remember

Chapter 12 - Stories to Heal and Grow

Chapter 13 - Now What?

Chapter 10

Stories to Market and Promote

It’s a cold January morning in 2025 and I’m preparing to present at an HR association chapter meeting in Winchester, VA.

I’m a little nervous, which is unusual for me. Nervous because I’m presenting a new talk for the first time. And this is an important one. It might be what springboards me into a new career when I finish my current one as founder and CEO of Boss Builders.

The topic is relevant: How to Improve HR’s Reputation Through Storytelling. It’s relevant because in most organizations, HR’s reputation is slightly better than that of the DMV. There are many reasons for this, but only a few ways to fight back. Storytelling is one.

So yes, it’s relevant and important. I don’t want to f**k this one up.

It’s now time for the meeting to start. The meeting organizer gets up to introduce the corporate sponsor. Sponsors are the only way meetings can be held in nice locations like this one. They pay for the venue and food, in exchange for an opportunity to get in front of the group to pitch their product or service. It’s expensive, and I’m sure the company expects to get some business out of it.

Two ladies from the sponsor came up to tell us about their organization. They completely waste the opportunity.

As is common, they talk about the services they provide and their website. And it is all forgotten shortly after they leave the stage.

Nobody cares. Even though they provide medical assisting equipment, the audience isn’t moved.

I consider the presentation an abject failure. And it’s not because I just like being a critical a*****e. I’m not. Critical at least. I just hate to see people waste an opportunity. And their money.

In my mind, they should tell the story of someone who really needed help, and how their organization was able to step up and take care of them. That’s a story. Watch any commercial from St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital. Every single one tells a story. And sadly, not all those stories have happy endings. But their stories need to be told. St. Jude can only do the meaningful work they do because of donations. And if you want people to open their wallets, you need to open their hearts first.

A good story does that.

If you get the opportunity to speak in front of a group and talk about something important to you or an organization you belong to, don’t piss away the opportunity! This is where telling a good story will deliver far more impact than a slide deck, created by your marketing department, that you’ve not really gone over, and will likely read to your audience because you’re too nervous to do anything else.

Your company is depending on you! Why are you choosing to let them down? Reading slides to your audience? That should be a felony! And I will personally slap the cuffs on you.

Fight back! With a story! Here’s how to do it:

Consider your product or service. When was the last time you looked at it from the perspective of your current or potential customers? It’s easy to look at it from the vendor’s view, but if you’re looking to add customers, they have a voice (and ears) too.

Identify who the ideal customer is. Certainly, you should have this already. I knew when I ran Boss Builders that my customer was any organization that had newly promoted supervisors that were failing. When I did presentations or sales pitches, I always told stories about making an impact on that audience.

Find customer success stories. These are the foundations for the story you’ll tell. Remember, a good story has all the elements we looked at earlier. Our job now is to make the audience feel just like that customer. We want them to nod in agreement when we describe our customer’s struggles. We want to see them smile and take notes when we talk about how our product or service helped them succeed or solve their problems.

You will tell a story. Put the f*****g clicker down, power down the projector, and just tell the story. Then, prepare to do some business!

If you have the chance to address a group of potential customers, a story is the only way to differentiate yourself. Do it now. Before we know it, storytelling will become a fad, which means a lot of folks will do a shitty job of it. Use what you read here to build a winning story that will gain you some business.

Chapter 1 - Why Tell a Story

Chapter 2 - Who Are You?

Chapter 3 - How to Build a Story

Chapter 4 - Stories and Their Uses

Chapter 5 - Stories to Communicate and Connect

Chapter 6 - Stories to Teach and Train

Chapter 7 - Stories to Persuade and Influence

Chapter 8 - Stories to Cast Vision and Communicate

Chapter 9 - Stories to Entertain and Engage

Chapter 10 - Stories to Market and Promote

Chapter 11 - Stories to Honor and Remember

Chapter 12 - Stories to Heal and Grow

Chapter 13 - Now What?

Chapter 9

Stories to Entertain and Engage

It’s 1:05 PM on a hot August afternoon and I’m racing to get home.

I have a 1:30 Zoom call, my dogs have been outside in their kennel since 6:15 AM and I need to get them out of the heat and into the house. Plus, I really need to pee.

Earlier that day, I did two, one-hour workshops with a client in Murfreesboro, TN. It’s about 85 miles from my house. I did the math. I should have made it back home in plenty of time, but I hung around a little too long chatting with my group and now I need to figure out the fastest way home.

I trust Google Maps. It gives me the fastest routes, warns me of accidents, and best of all, if there may be a speed trap ahead. Google tells me I’ll be arriving at 1:36 PM. That’s not going to work. So, I drive fast.

Most of the drive is interstate and in mid-day, the traffic shouldn’t be too bad. Unless there is roadwork or a semi-truck accident, both quite common on I-24 and I-40.

But not today. I’m rapidly making up time. By the time I get off I-40, Google informs me I’ll be back home by 1:20 PM. This is perfect. I can bring my dogs in, hit the bathroom, and still be able to log in on time at 1:30. Now I need to make the last 17 miles on two-lane country roads without incident.

Which is a problem where I live. I’ve discovered, living in a rural community, that most days the roads have farm equipment or logging trucks on them, along with the mostly old people who probably shouldn’t be on the road. They don’t drive fast. Or very well at all for that matter. Often, they cut right in front of you or worse, drive 20 MPH under the speed limit. My working hypothesis is that they believe they’ll burn in Hell if they go 1 MPH over the speed limit. So just to be safe, they go 20 MPH under it.

So far, things are looking good. The road has a posted 45 MPH speed limit, and the roads are open. I tighten my grip on the wheel, step on the gas and get up to 60 MPH. I might even have enough time to get a quick bite to eat. I feel myself locking into what I call “video game” mode where I’m driving and visualizing trying to beat the clock while navigating around moving obstacles. Even though I’m tightly wound, I’m feeling good.

Until I round a curve and come up behind a Royal Blue SUV. Going about 30.

“Here we go!” I tell myself. “Another slow poke!”

I’ve never considered myself an aggressive driver. A former co-worker told me he was ASSERTIVE, not AGGRESSIVE. That’s how I consider myself too. Very assertive.

So I assertively prepare the driver. “Eat my dust b***h!” I stomp on the gas pedal and pass him at 60 MPH across the double yellow line.

“Yeah, that’s how it’s done son!” I nod and tell myself aloud with a smile.

And then, my heart sinks. The car I’ve just passed lights up like a Christmas tree. That blue SUV is an unmarked police cruiser. I’ve just road-raged a cop.

When I left home earlier that morning, I decided to start a book. It’s entitled Stories Sell, by Matthew Dicks. I’ve read a lot of his books. He’s a professional storyteller, the Tom Brady of competitive storytelling. The GOAT. And even though I’ve already finished it a month ago, it’s so rich that I’m going to listen to it again.

My workshops go well and on my way home, even though I’m racing against the clock, I decide to keep listening. It’s keeping me from focusing on the clock.

About 20 minutes into the drive home, a question arises in my monkey brain.

“I wonder,” I muse, “Would storytelling help someone get out of a traffic ticket?”

Little did I know I’d be personally wrestling with that question in about 45 minutes.

I know I’m screwed. No matter what I might try, there is absolutely no way I have any grounds or excuses to get me out of this. And I’ve learned, after watching the old TV show Cops, that you can’t b******t a cop. They’ve heard it all.

So here I sit on the side of the road. Cars are passing around us. Really slowly. They want to see who it is. Southerners are notoriously nosey. I’m certain they’re saying, “It sucks to be you.” They have no idea.

I dig into the glovebox for my registration and proof of insurance which of course is the old, expired card. I’m hoping this won’t make things worse. I pull my license out of my wallet and watch him get out and walk towards me.

I wonder why he’s moving so slowly, but then I realize my windows are darkly tinted and he has no idea who is in the car. I lower my window, and he stands just behind the driver’s side door.

“What was that all about?” he asks me, his eyes hidden behind dark sunglasses.

Still rattled, I asked “What’s ‘that’?” I didn’t know what to say but didn’t want to offer up any more incriminating things.

“That stupid pass you just did at a high rate of speed!”

At that moment, I decide to just be honest.

“No excuse sir,” I told him. “None whatsoever, but since you asked, I’ll tell you.”

I tell him the whole story. My wife having to spend six weeks with her mom for her hip replacement recovery and helping care for her dad who has dementia. How I am babysitting her dog, my daughter’s dog, plus our two goldendoodles. Having to manage everything along with trying to work while being around to let the dogs out and not letting them stay in the outdoor kennel for too long because of the searing summer heat. The important phone call. And yes, I tell him I need to pee.

“I ought to write you up for reckless driving,” he mutters.

“I would accept that,” I tell him, hoping that might be better than begging for leniency.

When he heads back to the cruiser to process my punishment, I roll up my window and do a quick Google search on my phone. The penalty for reckless driving in Tennessee is a $500.00 fine, five points off your license, and a possible six-month jail sentence.

Now I panic.

How am I going to explain this to Barb?

What will my kids think?

What will my grandkids say when they learn Grandpa Mack is in jail?

Will I have to wear the striped Dickson County Jail uniform and pick up trash on the road? With cops directing traffic around us? How embarrassing. And then, since I’ll no doubt be the oldest man on the crew, drivers that pass us will say:

“Yup Ethyl, thar ya go. Another career criminal out thar pickin’ up trash on the road.”

Are the other inmates going to try and beat up an old guy like me?

Will Lisa tell my upcoming SHRM HR Conference planners that I won’t be able to do their event because I’m in jail?

Who is going to take my Alzheimer’s-stricken mom her pills this Friday and make sure she has food in the house?

Will he at least let me piss in the bushes before slapping the cuffs on me?

After four excruciating minutes that seem like hours, he gets out of the cruiser and begins walking towards me. I can’t help but notice he’s not carrying that metal clipboard with the tickets in it. Nor is he reaching for his cuffs. I lower my window.

“I don’t know why I’m doing this,” he says, “But I’m going to let you off with a warning.”

“Thank you, sir,” I say to him, even though he’s probably 20 years younger than me.

And then he tells me a story.

He tells me what it’s like to clean up accident scenes from aggressive drivers just like me. He assures me he doesn’t want to do that with me.

I thank him again and start back home. I’d now be home by 1:45 so I let Lisa know so she can hopefully reach the client. But now I’m setting my cruise control at 45MPH. Perhaps the only time I’ve set a cruise control at that turtle-like speed. I don’t worry about burning in Hell, but I don’t want to go to jail.

I make it home and everyone is fine. The dogs are happy to see me. They go in and lay down on the cool tile floor and summarily fall asleep. At long last, I can empty my bladder. I log onto my Zoom. It’s all going to be OK.

And then I realize that a story really did help me get out of a ticket. But more importantly, it was an important wakeup call for me. I am an aggressive driver. I own that. But the officer’s story changed my approach to driving. It’s foolish and dangerous. My responsibility is to be less assertive, and more reflective.

A lesson I’ll never forget.

I wrote this story a year ago, the same afternoon it happened. I did it because it was a great story, but it was also an important turning point for me and my driving. It’s been a year since this story took place and I’m still careful behind the wheel.

I consider this a story that both entertains and engages. The entertainment part is critical because the engagement part is the lesson. If I started my story with “You know, you really shouldn’t speed on country roads,” you would have nodded in agreement, even though you likely haven’t driven on a true country road. You’ve been pulled over I’m sure, but probably not caught red-handed doing one of the dumbest road rage moves of all times.

This story combines some of the most important elements for a story that entertains and engages:

· Relatability

· Vulnerability

· Surprise or twist

· Emotion

· Empathy

· Authenticity

The theme of my story was my transformation from an aggressive driver to a more mature, responsible one. I could have just told the audience to slow down behind the wheel, but they already know that. I needed to put them in the driver’s seat, so the lesson stuck. Here’s is how I employed those elements.

Relatability

I’m sure we can all relate to getting pulled over. The tension when you see the cop speeding up behind you. The sinking feeling you get when the blue lights flash. The immediate panic looking for a safe place to pull over, hoping the cop doesn’t misinterpret that as you making a run for it. The endless wait for the cop to get out of the car and walk towards you. The nosey onlookers who want to see just who the f**k is causing traffic to slow down.

Can you feel it? Of course you can. All of it. I want you to feel it so you can better experience the transformation.

Vulnerability

If I tell you a personal story, you will never get a Mack is a Superhero story. First, none exist. Secondly, nobody cares. Who wants to hear a story about someone who always succeeds?

For my story to transform your driving habits, I needed to show that I’m likely a few steps worse than the average aggressive driver. It’s true. I learned to drive in Southern California, navigated the hellscape of Washington, DC traffic for 12 years, and in my travels, have managed to sit in traffic jams in most major cities. I wanted to give you a glimpse into my mind. I’m hoping you can relate.

Surprise or Twist

My hope is that you were as surprised as I was to see that SUV light up like a Christmas tree (notice the metaphor?). But we needed that. Who would want to follow my story only to find I made it home with plenty of time to spare?

Emotion

When this happened, I experienced a range of emotions: anger, fear, shame, and helplessness. I can assure you I felt them sitting there in the car. Cars drove past slowly. I know they were looking at me, trying to see if they knew me. They want to know what I did.

I know this because it’s exactly what I do when I see someone pulled over by the blue lights. I’m sure you do to.

And I’m sure if I went into your car’s glove box, I’d find at least 5 little insurance cards and not one of them would be the current one.

So that’s how I, and we know. But emotion is how our story reaches the heart. This builds into the next element, empathy.

Empathy

Empathy is putting ourselves into someone else’s shoes. In telling a story, we want to create a space for the readers to see themselves in the story.

How many times have you been behind the wheel, late for an appointment, hungry, stuck in traffic, and having to pee? If you’re like me, it’s been plenty of times.

In telling you my story, I was hoping to use that to make you think I was going to try and weasel my way out of the ticket by listing all those excuses. And truthfully, I briefly considered it.

But doing it the way I did keep you guessing about what was next. And if I did my job, you likely breathed a sigh of relief when he let me go.

Every word of the story is true. The times and dates and people. I chose to tell the story in a way to maximize the theme: don’t drive like an a*****e. It’s like a commercial for stopping aggressive driving.

Remember, you’re telling this story for a reason. Let’s be sure we keep people engaged long enough to reach it.

Authenticity

If you’ve included the elements above, then all you’ll need to do is tell the story in your authentic voice. The one we discovered in Chapter 2.

If your goal is to entertain and engage an audience, they’ll have to feel like they’re right alongside you, hearing your story and imagine themselves in it, and when they do, you know you’ve accomplished your mission.

Stories to entertain and engage are what you’ll tell at dinner parties and bars and tailgate parties. Cool teachers will use them in class.

Good storytellers will always tell them.

Chapter 1 - Why Tell a Story

Chapter 2 - Who Are You?

Chapter 3 - How to Build a Story

Chapter 4 - Stories and Their Uses

Chapter 5 - Stories to Communicate and Connect

Chapter 6 - Stories to Teach and Train

Chapter 7 - Stories to Persuade and Influence

Chapter 8 - Stories to Cast Vision and Communicate

Chapter 9 - Stories to Entertain and Engage

Chapter 10 - Stories to Market and Promote

Chapter 11 - Stories to Honor and Remember

Chapter 12 - Stories to Heal and Grow

Chapter 13 - Now What?

Chapter 8

Stories to Cast Vision and Communicate

It’s Spring, 2017 and I’m preparing to speak to a group of managers at a scientific corporation in Memphis. I met the HR rep at the Tennessee State HR conference a few months earlier. She invited me to come and deliver a presentation on How to Be a Great Boss.

Before I go on, the company CEO addresses the group. I sense what he’s about to say has been bothering him for some time. He tells us a story about a recent walk he took through the office on a Friday afternoon.

“We work hard here. I know I do. And I know most of you do too.

I also know that many of you work a lot of extra hours to get everything done. I appreciate that.

But I also know, when I walk through the building on a Friday afternoon, that a lot of you have left for the weekend.

I understand that every now and then, all of us need to leave early for one reason or another. I don’t have a problem with that. But if you find yourself leaving early on a Friday and nobody else is, and you don’t really need to leave early, that should bother you.

If you’re working and one of your teammates leave, that should bother you.

If you’re buried in work and behind on deadlines and choose to leave early, that should bother you.”

Then, he made a few more remarks and I got up and did my presentation.

I don’t know how many managers remember my presentation. I hope all of them. But more importantly, I’m sure they remember that powerful line he told repeatedly: “that should bother you.” It was a statement of accountability, one of the hallmarks of a good boss. And all he needed to do to make his point was to tell the story of a Friday afternoon walk through the building. It worked.

I’ve heard a lot of CEOs speak over the years in my line of work. Most of what I hear out of their mouths is unintelligible b******t. This didn’t happen here. In fact, of all the CEO addresses I’ve slept through, this is the only line of any presentation I can recall. CEOs? That SHOULD bother you!

The CEO really didn’t tell a story. It was more of an observation, a quasi-anecdote, I guess. But it worked, didn’t it?

If you’re a leader and need to tell a story that casts vision and communicates, consider the following:

Have a clear and compelling “Why.” Your story should address why the vision matters, both to the organization and the employee. The customers too. If you don’t have this, you don’t need to be up there telling a story.

Begin with a relatable starting point. The CEO knows the Friday afternoon vibe. In Hawaii, they call that Aloha Friday. I don’t know about you, but on many a Friday, I spied on the president of the association I worked at in the early 2000s, waiting for him to leave so I could make my escape. And no, it didn’t bother me. But it should have.

Create a future employees can see themselves in. This wasn’t the case in my short story, but if you’re casting vision, the best way to cast is to tell a story.

This story should paint a picture of how things will be in the future.

“Imagine coming into work on Friday. And being told go home with full pay. We have met our numbers and are now reaping the benefits. If we achieve our vision, this could be your Friday routine. And you should feel GOOD about that!”

Make the audience the hero of your story. They shouldn’t feel like spectators, they work for you. They need to be in the fight! Use phrases such as “Here’s how you play a key part of this transformation….”

Acknowledge the challenges and the commitment needed. John F. Kennedy was a master orator. His speeches technically weren’t stories, but the challenge is clearly laid out in some of his speeches. Notice how he employes elements in his speeches.

“We choose to go to the moon this decade and do the other things, not because they are easy, but because they are hard.”

“The problems of this world cannot be solved or cynics whose horizons are limited by the obvious realities. We need men who can dream of things that never were.”

Create a call to action. Back again to JFK:

“All of this will not be finished in the first 100 days. Nor will it be finished in the first 1,000 days…nor even perhaps in our lifetime on this planet. But let us begin.”

“Ask not what your country can do for you – ask what you can do for your country.”

Fine tune your story. Consider using some of the elements we looked at earlier. Certainly, metaphors are appropriate. You can also try repeat and reinforce. This is where you may tell the story in a few different perspectives to reach the different personalities of the audience. You can read more about how to do this in my public speaking book Own the Room! How to Transform Terror into Triumph.

End with an emotional connection. Remember, people need to open their hearts before they open their wallets. Employees need to know you care about their hearts before they choose to open them to you. Humans are emotional beings. They must be treated as such.

Chapter 1 - Why Tell a Story

Chapter 2 - Who Are You?

Chapter 3 - How to Build a Story

Chapter 4 - Stories and Their Uses

Chapter 5 - Stories to Communicate and Connect

Chapter 6 - Stories to Teach and Train

Chapter 7 - Stories to Persuade and Influence

Chapter 8 - Stories to Cast Vision and Communicate

Chapter 9 - Stories to Entertain and Engage

Chapter 10 - Stories to Market and Promote

Chapter 11 - Stories to Honor and Remember

Chapter 12 - Stories to Heal and Grow

Chapter 13 - Now What?

Chapter 7

Stories to Persuade and Influence

It’s Wednesday morning, November 3, 1976, and I walk my 12-year-old self into the kitchen to hear my parents talking happily.

That means a lot. Normally, it’s constant arguing.

They are celebrating the results of the presidential election between Gerald Ford and Jimmy Carter. For the first time in their lives, my parents have voted Democrat.

I’m not really into politics, but even as a kid, I’m a news junkie. We don’t have a television but since I spend time Monday through Friday with my grandparents, I watch it there. Before school it’s the local news and then The Today Show and after school it’s reruns of Gilligan’s Island and The Munsters.

I know about the election. I also know that my parents are really conservative, by California standards anyway. My dad’s family are staunch Democrats. He says they would vote for a fence post if it ran as a Democrat.

But this year is different. My parents had gotten religion a few years before. Well, it was really my mom, but my dad was along for the ride. At least in those early years before I think he finally bought in. Because we attend a strict Baptist church at first, things change rapidly at our house. Along with the TV being removed, my dad dumps out all his alcohol and destroys a concrete garden sculpture with a sledgehammer because “it was an idol”, They are attracted to the fact that Jimmy Carter is a Christian. That seems to be the sentiment with their conservative friends.

I ask my mom why they are so excited, and she tells me Carter won.

I know from talking to my friends at school that most of them want Ford to win. Then my mom suggests an idea.

“Why don’t we get a bag of peanuts, and you can go to school and put one on each of your classmate’s desk?” She suggests. “That’s a good way to show them who won!” (This, since Carter was a peanut farmer by trade).

I think about but don’t want to. Middle school is hard enough without trying to entice trouble.

I thought about it again this morning. Election Day, 2024. And even though I don’t think we’ll know who won the election tonight, when the results do come out, there will be the temptation to “show them who won.”

That said, I have some suggestions on how to handle the next few days:

If Your Candidate Won:

Celebrate with your family, friends, and co-workers who share your views. BUT:

* Don’t spike the football and run your mouth. Just like putting peanuts on the desks of sixth graders, it will only cause hate and division, something we have more than enough of already.

* If you have been really vocal about your preferences, your co-workers are going to expect you to break the first rule. Try this. Say nothing. Since you’ve celebrated with the people you should, go to work and….do some work.

If Your Candidate Lost:

Commiserate with your family, friends, and co-workers who share your views. BUT:

* Don’t come to work and bring the grief with you. Just as we should celebrate at home, we should process a loss at home.

* Resist the temptation to look for the sky to fall. Yes, each candidate promised it would along with a bunch of other bad stuff if their opponent won, but I’ve discovered after seeing lots of elections in my 60 years that when all is said and done, there is always a lot more said, than done.

* If you have been really vocal about your preferences, your co-workers are going to expect you to break the first rule. Try this. Say nothing. Since you’ve commiserated with the people you should, go to work and….do some work.

For both scenarios. Realize that those who run for office don’t know you personally. They don’t even know if you did or didn’t vote for them. Don’t ever think that politics is personal in that your favorite candidate will lose sleep because you either did or didn’t vote for them. If they don’t know you, how can they possibly give two s***s about you?

Finally, celebrate the fact we can again watch TV without being inundated with attack ads. At least for the next 18 months.

My wish is for healing. And peace.

I told this story on my weekly INNER CIRCLE on the night of the 2024 presidential election. At the time, the political tension was high. The country very divided. The rhetoric was strong on both sides and, as an organizational development consultant, I could see trouble ahead for businesses and companies as well.

Sometimes, the best way to make a point is to tell a good story. And by putting a previous election from long ago up on display, I tried to draw a parallel while invoking nostalgia.

I don’t know if it worked. I hope it made a difference. But I feel good about trying. You should try too. Here’s a little summary of some elements from my story you can modify and use.

Start with a Specific Moment in Time

Ground your audience in a clear, vivid moment.

“It’s Wednesday morning, November 3, 1976…”

Set Emotional Context

Show what the moment felt like, not just what happened.

“That means a lot. Normally, it’s constant arguing.”

Add Relatable Personal Details

Use pop culture, daily routines, or setting to build connection. Even if they’re dated like mine.

“I watch reruns of Gilligan’s Island and The Munsters…”

Introduce a Shift or Turning Point

What changed? What made this moment different or important?

“This year is different. My parents had gotten religion…”

Use Symbolism or Humor

Add quirky, visual, or emotional details that people remember.

“Put a peanut on every desk” or “He smashed the idol with a sledgehammer…”

Bridge Past and Present

Make the story relevant to now. Connect it to today’s issue.

“I thought about it again this morning. Election Day, 2024.”

Deliver Practical Wisdom (Not Preaching)

Share useful takeaways. Make them sound like lessons, not lectures.

“Say nothing. Go to work and…do some work.”

Acknowledge Both Sides

Show fairness. Influence comes from balance, not bias.

“If your candidate won… If your candidate lost…”

Use Honest, Human Language

Be real. Avoid sounding corporate or polished.

“They don’t even give two s***s about you.”

End with a Universal Truth or Hope

Leave people with something bigger than the issue at hand.

“My wish is for healing. And peace.”

I hope this helps. I know it will if you use it. For both work and beyond.

Chapter 1 - Why Tell a Story

Chapter 2 - Who Are You?

Chapter 3 - How to Build a Story

Chapter 4 - Stories and Their Uses

Chapter 5 - Stories to Communicate and Connect

Chapter 6 - Stories to Teach and Train

Chapter 7 - Stories to Persuade and Influence

Chapter 8 - Stories to Cast Vision and Communicate

Chapter 9 - Stories to Entertain and Engage

Chapter 10 - Stories to Market and Promote

Chapter 11 - Stories to Honor and Remember

Chapter 12 - Stories to Heal and Grow

Chapter 13 - Now What?

Chapter 6 - Stories to Teach and Train

It’s a Wednesday afternoon in April 2007 and I’m on one of my most arduous business trips. I’ve been at this career now for about four years and have had some tough groups. Some of them in rough locations. Once, I spoke to a bunch of factory line managers in a filthy break room. I hung my flip charts on a Coke machine.

But this is different. I’m working with a group of government contracting supervisors on a Royal Caribbean cruise. It’s not arduous at all. But, if I didn’t start the story that way, you might not believe me now.

The group contacted me a few months before. They wanted to know if I’d be willing to accompany them on a cruise and do some training. That would justify it as a business/teambuilding trip.

When I asked how much time they needed me for, they told me a half day. I pushed back. It wasn’t worth it for me to take five days off and get paid for one.

But they insisted I come along.

“We’ll pay your daily rate for all five days, plus your accommodations and travel, and if you like, you can bring your wife along.”

Now it was sounding better! I told Barb and she was excited.

For a day or so.

Then she realized she couldn’t make the trip. Too many work commitments. She was still on active duty in the Navy.

So, I decide to take one for the team and go by myself. In my defense, my wife told me to go. I think she visualized that big check I’d be bringing in.

I had been on a cruise decades before on my honeymoon with my first wife. It was in 1985. I just remember a bunch of old people on it playing shuffleboard.

This was different. First, it was right during Spring break season. 2/3 of the passengers were college kids, partying with their parent’s money.

FYI: If your college-aged kids ask you for money to go on a cruise on Spring break, I recommend your answer be: F**K NO!!

I won’t tell you what I saw, but trust me, just say no.

Second, it was a lot more modern than the ship I was on in 1985. And we would be visiting different ports.

I don’t have my group until Thursday morning, so on this Wednesday afternoon, I am lying on a lounge chair, reading Jack Canfield’s The Success Principles and listening to the DJ down below on the pool deck spinning reggae songs.

I notice people getting up out of their lounge chairs and standing along the rail, looking down into the pool area.

There is a medium sized pool bookended by two hot tubs. Rows of lounge chairs surround it. At one end there is a bar. The other side opens into one of the many buffets. Then, surrounding the entire scene, covered by the deck above, are seating areas with tables.

I don’t know what everyone is looking at, so I join them along the rail.

And there she is. A middle-aged woman in an orange sundress with a big floppy white hat. And she has been camped at the bar for some time.

As the music plays, the lady in the orange dress decides to move towards the makeshift dance floor. She isn’t looking for a partner. She just feels the spirit or likely the spirits move her to dance, I guess. And she does.

A little goofy and conservative at first. Then, as her confidence grows, so do her movements. It’s as if a younger, sexier version of her is awakened. And she leans into it.

The crowd above and below grows. Spurred on by the attention and the legion of margaritas she’s consumed, she gets even more loose. The crowd smiles and shouts its approval.

And then… she spies the brass pole that supports the awning over the bar. She seductively gyrates toward it.

“Please don’t go to the pole,” I silently plead, not wanting to see the upcoming train wreck.

Apparently, I am the only one not interested in seeing the spectacle because the crowd is behind her.

Mercifully, just as she slings a leg around the pole, a couple of the ship’s crew comes along and helps escort her off and inside the ship. The show is over.

The next morning, I head down to the breakfast buffet early. I want to eat before everyone starts putting their dirty paws all over the food. I don’t want my trip to end with explosive diarrhea from Norovirus.

In the corner, sitting alone, is the lady in the orange dress. She’s wearing shorts and a t-shirt now, but I can’t forget that face. Since there are only a few folks here, I decide to go over to her and sit near her.

We make eye contact, and she says hello. I respond and find a seat near her. She doesn’t notice me studying her.

I don’t know what I expected. For someone who nearly did a striptease in front of strangers, she seems really calm and nice. Like that was another person. But it’s her.

I don’t tell her I saw the show yesterday. I’m sure she didn’t want a reminder. She looks a bit tired and worn out. Likely hung over. Not surprising, I guess.

I don’t know who she is or what she does. Perhaps she’s an important woman. Wealthy. Maybe her passion is charity work. This trip is an opportunity to relax and recharge. I guess yesterday took it all out of her because today she seems beaten down. Maybe even a little ashamed. But a really nice person.

I didn’t see her the rest of the cruise.

And I still think about this years later.

I had two encounters with her. The one that made the biggest impression was the first one. No matter how amazing she is on a daily basis, one afternoon of poor judgement ruined it.

Sadly, people will judge you based on what they see, not what you intend to communicate with them. Let that be a lesson for you.

This is a story I told to my management workshops, particularly when the audience was made up of young, first-time supervisors.

I told it because I wanted them to see that direct reports will judge actions far more critically than words. Facta non verba, as the Romans would say.

The story of the lady in the orange dress has hopefully been anchored in the memory of more than just the nosey passengers on the cruise ship. I hope this lesson is alive today in the management styles of those now seasoned supervisors and managers.

How can you use story to teach and train?

Just connect the unfamiliar to the familiar.

I could have ditched the story of the lady in the orange dress for one of my corporate stories. I have enough of them. Working with all those different organizations gave me enough stories to last until the Resurrection. They’re just f*****g boring to a bunch of supervisors who are prisoners in my workshop.

But tell them about a lady almost doing a pole dance in the broad daylight, and they’re all ears.

This is why I tell a weekly story on my Substack Mack’s INNER CIRCLE. I realized a couple of years ago while my life isn’t significant on the grand scale, there are more than enough lessons learned that I could pull one of them out of memory to use as an example.

I can do that because it’s a habit. Just like when I tell you I can’t do 100 pushups at one time, you’ll tell me you have to work up to it. The same goes for storytelling. Start writing down your stories as a journal entry narrative but include the entire story and the lesson learned.

How do I Connect the Unfamiliar to the Familiar?

Re-read the section on Anecdotes, Metaphors, and Analogies. You have the option to make comparisons in your industry

The Biggest Mistake to Make as a Supervisor on Day #1 (for boring presentations to new supervisors)

Or

A Middle-Aged Pole Dancer Interrupts My Professional Development.

Which one will they remember? Possibly the supervisor story, if it’s told well and memorable, but I’m guessing the lady in the orange dress wins. Every time.

Making your comparison in the industry works best if you’re in a relatively conservative group from said industry. But at a conference or perhaps in a non-traditional setting, something outside the industry works best.

And though you can tell a short anecdote, a story that captures emotion will make your important information memorable.

In August 2010, General David Petraeus, commander of forces in Afghanistan explained his strategy to change the hearts and minds of the locals as “oil spots” that spread out and merge with each other. The goal was to expand the secure and friendly “oil spots” until they all massed together and blocked out the bad guys.

Contrast that with how normal military officers conduct a brief. Facts, acronyms, and objective statements. We learn nothing from them. Maybe that’s why they all sound that way.

If your job is to teach, tell a story.

If you tell a story to teach, be sure it connects the unfamiliar to the familiar.

If you know your audience, consider how you compare through analogies and metaphors. You have the choice of similar or different. It’s up to you to choose.

I believe an expert in any field is not a TRUE expert if they can’t teach their craft. All the more reason for you to use stories to teach and train.

Chapter 1 - Why Tell a Story

Chapter 2 - Who Are You?

Chapter 3 - How to Build a Story

Chapter 4 - Stories and Their Uses

Chapter 5 - Stories to Communicate and Connect

Chapter 6 - Stories to Teach and Train

Chapter 7 - Stories to Persuade and Influence

Chapter 8 - Stories to Cast Vision and Communicate

Chapter 9 - Stories to Entertain and Engage

Chapter 10 - Stories to Market and Promote

Chapter 11 - Stories to Honor and Remember

Chapter 12 - Stories to Heal and Grow

Chapter 13 - Now What?

Chapter 5 - Stories to Communicate and Connect

It’s draft day, 1983 and my team is first on the clock. I have some very tough decisions to make.

But this is no NFL draft. It’s nothing close to college or even high school. I’m picking teams for a pickup Nerf football game with a bunch of elementary-aged boys during summer vacation.

I’ve been a day care worker at this job, off and on, since 1980. During the school year I work from 3-6PM and during summer, it’s 9AM – 4PM. As I’m due to leave for Navy boot camp in about five months, this will be my last summer.

Our team has needs everywhere but quarterback. That’s because I’m the quarterback and coach. My good friend, former teammate, and co-worker Guy Wilson quarterbacks and coaches the other team. As I survey the lineup of choices in front of me, one stands out.

He’s a mousy-looking kid who’s slowly patrolling his nostril with his right index finger. Perfect! I call his name.

He looks surprised but walks toward me. The other boys, particularly the 5th graders are incensed.

“Why are you picking him?” they ask. “He’s a freak.”

I know what I’m doing so I dismiss them.

Then Coach Wilson has his pick.

His selection is a pudgy little kid who looks like he rarely ventures outside. Another perfect fit. His 5th graders who hope to play for him are equally disturbed.

Something is wrong in this universe.

Except that it’s not.

It’s intentional.

I can’t speak for Coach Wilson, who will likely be reading this, but I wasn’t born with superhuman strength, talent, good looks, intelligence, or really anything but creativity and curiosity. I preferred to spend my time alone, engrossed either in a book or building a model or creating a diorama. Thus, I never really considered playing sports.

Physically anyway. I would read about it though. As I aged into middle school, I decided to try sports. I sucked at them. I was short, fat, and slow. At PE, when teams were picked, I was usually one of the last ones picked.

And it hurt. Sometimes it still does when I think about it.

But then, in the summer between 7th and 8th grade, after a year being called “fats” or “fat boy,” I started a diet. It was some sort of protein powder that you mix with nonfat milk, ice, and chocolate extract in a blender. I think it was from a company called Shaklee. I drank one for breakfast and lunch, then had whatever my mom made for dinner.

In a couple of months, the weight melted off. When I started 8th grade, everyone noticed. Even Karen Hukee, who I had a mad crush on since 6th grade. It didn’t matter though; I was too shy to act on it. In my mind I was still the depressed 7th grader.

But with my lighter frame, athletics suddenly seemed possible. I went out for flag football and was one of the captains, and best players. I was voted “Most Improved Player.” My confidence soared. When PE came along and we picked teams, I was now among the first. It was a good feeling. But I still felt pangs of sadness as my former “late round” colleagues languished in wait.

I’m back on the clock now. The 5th graders are growing restless, so I decide to pick one of the “good players.” I don’t want my strategy to be predictable.

Coach Wilson makes his selection. Another “good player.” But then we continue our strategy. The boys are getting restless, but the draft is still on.

At last, the teams are intact. But Coach Wilson proposes a trade. He wants to trade one of his “good players” to me in exchange for some of my prized, former late rounders. I’m not having any of it.

Then he ups the ante.

He offers up an additional “good player”. His team is stunned. They can’t believe their coach. My team is worried too. They can’t believe I’m turning down two superstars for a couple of terrible players.

At last, Coach Wilson has one final offer.

“If you do the trade, I’ll throw in Mrs. Klein.”

Mrs. Klein is an old lady who occasionally drives up in her beige Cadillac and tells stories and plays the piano for the kids. Once, she locked herself inside her Caddy and had to wait for a neighbor to call the police. She’s in her 80s.

Of course, I’m not putting Mrs. Klein on the team. I do have my standards. And my pride. Plus, Mrs. Klein won’t be coachable. The game begins.

I can’t remember who won that game. When it ends, Coach Wilson and I scurry off to the kitchen to abscond with several grape sodas our boss Jim would stock. It was our secret. Our code word for the grape soda thievery is “practice.” So, we are practicing.

But even though I don’t remember speaking to him about what we did (not the “practicing”) I’m sure we were on the same page. I became friends with Coach Wilson in high school, and we played football together and carpooled for a time. But I suspect he might have been a bit like me. I think it’s what gave us the idea to show the kids what empathy can be.

Aside from one, who became a Marine Corps officer and survived a sniper’s bullet in Iraq, I’m not sure what happened to those kids. They are all adults now, some with children of their own.

I wonder if any of those kids we picked first were able to capitalize on that one little bit of positivity? I hope they all became successful, confident adults. I hope they remember that little act of kindness Coach Wilson and I showed that hot summer day. I trust they have and will pay it forward.

Coach Wilson became a teacher and high school football coach. He lives in Arizona, and we plan to meet up in Phoenix soon to compete together in a Moth storytelling competition. He’s a storyteller too.

Who will you choose to boost and elevate today?

Stories to communicate and connect are best used when you want to make every person in the room feel unique and special.

And that’s not just some GEN Z b******t. I don’t care who you are. You want to be acknowledged.

When I wrote that story, I wanted to recognize the outcasts. The oddballs. The nerds. The non-athletes. The academics. The challenge of the human experience is that thick-browed neanderthals and shapely beauty queens rule until we graduate high school or college and achieve success while they languish in shitty jobs. That’s the hope. At least it was for me anyway.

But not everyone has this experience. Most still folks feel invisible. They are passed over for promotion at work, turned down for dates after work, and rejected from their families for who knows what. To be seen as a living, breathing human is sometimes just enough. And if you’ve ever been one of the last few to be picked for a team, you know exactly what that feels like.

Now I could lecture you on that and put you to sleep. Or I could just tell you a story. And even if you have no idea what the NFL draft is, or even what a football is, you’ll be able to relate to this story.

Rejection is part of the human condition. My dad was ridiculed as a middle school student in wood shop. He never got over it. I was bullied and fat shamed in 7th grade. I was the one picked last. It f*****g sucked. I still feel that pain today. And as of this writing, I’m sixty-f*****g-one!

And if I tell you this story and it’s the gateway to something that will make your life better, then I have achieved my purpose.

I’ve built rapport with you.

And if you see and feel yourself as the last two people picked for the kickball team, and they pick the other person, leaving you to trot over to your new team like yesterday’s moldy bread, then you get it.

And now my story has opened you up to listen to what message I want to leave you with.

I could end this chapter here and we could all feel warm and fuzzy inside, but there is a real dark side to stories that communicate and connect. In the wrong hands, they can be used to manipulate. And that goes for every other category of story that’s used in this book.

If you’re eliciting human emotion for a nefarious purpose shame on F*****G you!

Chapter 1 - Why Tell a Story

Chapter 2 - Who Are You?

Chapter 3 - How to Build a Story

Chapter 4 - Stories and Their Uses

Chapter 5 - Stories to Communicate and Connect

Chapter 6 - Stories to Teach and Train

Chapter 7 - Stories to Persuade and Influence

Chapter 8 - Stories to Cast Vision and Communicate

Chapter 9 - Stories to Entertain and Engage

Chapter 10 - Stories to Market and Promote

Chapter 11 - Stories to Honor and Remember

Chapter 12 - Stories to Heal and Grow

Chapter 13 - Now What?

Chapter 4 - Stories and Their Uses

In 2024, I discovered The Moth. No, it wasn’t smashed on my windshield. The Moth is a non-profit, competitive storytelling organization I discovered while reading Matthew Dicks’ book Stories Sell.

Up until then, stories were just a part of my management workshops and HR conference talks. Storytelling came naturally to me and early in my training career, I learned that the secret to effective training is to connect the unfamiliar to the familiar. Nothing does that better than a story.

I never knew storytelling itself was a THING until I discovered The Moth. Here is how an event works.

Moth events are held at theaters all around the country. The most common are StorySlams. These are essentially open mike nights. You buy a ticket and then if you want the chance to tell a story, you put your name in a bag.

Moth organizers will select 10 storytellers by having the last speaker dig into the bag to pick the next one. You are scored on a 10-point system, and the scores are posted. You know if you sucked and then get to see your score mocking you for the rest of the event.

Telling the story is the easy part. At least for me. I’ve been on a stage for 25 years with some of the most hostile audiences on the planet. And that was speaking no shorter than 60 minutes. Most of the time I spoke all day. On The Moth stage you only speak for five minutes. And you must stick to that time limit or else the emcee rattles a little maraca and that’s your signal to wrap it up and get your nervous ass off the stage. You are alone, in front of a microphone and blinded by a spotlight. You can’t see the reaction of your audience, but you can feel them. It’s a magical experience. I’ve been to two StorySlams as of this writing and was picked for one of them. I didn’t win but I didn’t finish last. The story you read in the last chapter was the one I wanted to tell the night I was not picked. I think it might have won. I will keep at it. It’s an addictive rush.

I share this with you for one reason. Each Moth event has a theme. Your story must align with that theme. When I see an upcoming Mothevent, I look at the theme. If I have a story and am free, I’ll plan on attending. But sometimes the theme doesn’t apply. One recent one was hospitality. Share a hospitality challenge in your five-minute story. I never worked in hospitality, so I have no story. But other themes? You bet I do.

That’s the purpose of this chapter. To let you see how a story can make something important come to life. To take a theme and make it heard and understood. There are several opportunities to use a story:

· To Communicate and Connect

· To Teach and Train

· To Persuade and Influence

· To Cast Vision in Leadership

· To Entertain and Engage

· To Market and Promote

· To Honor and Remember

· To Heal and Grow

In the following chapters, I’ll tell you a story that follows each theme and then dissect it for you and show you the formula you can build your own story on.

Chapter 1 - Why Tell a Story

Chapter 2 - Who Are You?

Chapter 3 - How to Build a Story

Chapter 4 - Stories and Their Uses

Chapter 5 - Stories to Communicate and Connect

Chapter 6 - Stories to Teach and Train

Chapter 7 - Stories to Persuade and Influence

Chapter 8 - Stories to Cast Vision and Communicate

Chapter 9 - Stories to Entertain and Engage

Chapter 10 - Stories to Market and Promote

Chapter 11 - Stories to Honor and Remember

Chapter 12 - Stories to Heal and Grow

Chapter 13 - Now What?

Chapter 3 - How to Build a Story

It’s an early spring morning in 1987 and I am getting ready to see my first dental patient of the day. He is a male, late 30s who presents with a broken filling on tooth #18. Melissa, my assistant seats the patient and prepares the instruments. I take one last look at the X-ray and tell her it’s time to proceed.

Melissa hands me the needle so I can numb the patient up. She removes the cap, and I take my left thumb and insert it into the patient’s mouth, gently pulling his cheek back to give the injection. He’s nervous. His eyes are as big as a couple of Oreo cookies. But he’s not nearly as nervous as I am. Because you see, the patient in my chair that morning is my boss.

And the worst part? I’m not even a dentist.

But he is.

This story began a few years earlier when I was a senior in high school at a prestigious college prep school in Newport Beach CA. It’s career day and I am sitting in the back of the room listening to recruiters from various colleges drone on and on about how wonderful their school is. Strangely, nobody is asking me where I’m going to college even though I am ranked fourth that year in my high school graduating class. Of course, that’s fourth from the bottom so maybe that explains why.

Finally, near the end of the day a recruiter from a trade school gets up to talk to us. I guess somebody in the career counselor’s office must have fucked up. The recruiter was from the Southern California College of Medical and Dental Careers and was showing us what life as a dental lab tech would be. I was a model builder as a kid and enjoyed working with my hands on small details. Being a lab tech looked very similar to that. The recruiter passed around samples of dentures and other appliances, and I was hooked. I took the brochure, filled it out, and submitted it. 2 weeks later I got the letter in the mail saying I was accepted.

I was good at lab technology. I went from 4th from the bottom in high school to class president at the trade school. The program lasted six months and at month five, we were encouraged to go out and start looking for work.

The challenge was that in the early 80s there was a terrible recession going on and nobody was hiring. Everyone wanted somebody with at least five years of experience, and I had exactly five months. Finally, frustrated, I spoke with my instructors. I asked them for advice. They learned how to be lab techs in the Navy. They encouraged me to check out the Navy so I could get some experience.

I went to a Navy recruiter, and she was very enthusiastic. She told me the Navy needed me and that was good because I sure as hell needed the Navy. She told me the path to what I wanted was simple. I had to get through boot camp and then attend dental assisting school. She said not to worry though because halfway through that program anybody that wants to go to lab school takes a test and if they pass the test they will get to lab school guaranteed.

Now let me pause the story for one moment here. If anybody ever tells you that they are joining the military and a recruiter guaranteed anything, you tell them the only military command they need to do now is the About Face and get the f**k out of there. But I didn’t know that back then. I went through boot camp which was not that bad and then assisting school. I remember in the first week of class thinking oh my God I am so glad I am not doing this. There’s no way I’d ever want to suck blood and spit for a living. I’m so glad I’m going to lab school.

Halfway through the 12-week program we were told that anybody who wanted lab school could take a test. It involved carving a piece of chalk into a tooth. You had five minutes. I got it done in 90 seconds. I aced it. Then the bad news. The head of the lab school told us that because there was no openings and lab school, we would have to wait three years to reapply. When I asked him what I would do for three years he said,

“Well, you’re a dental assistant so you’ll be sitting chairside.”

I told him that’s not why I came in the Navy, and he told me that nobody cared. The needs of the Navy are always going to be the priority. So, in that one moment, the next six years of my life were spoken for, and I did not like what they were speaking.

The only saving grace was my first duty station. I was sent overseas to Australia and summarily was assigned to work in a small dental clinic. The dentist I worked for was a complete, purebred a*****e. When I met him for the first time, he told me,

“Munro, you’re fat. You need to go to the gym and get your fat measured because you’ll be on the fat boy program for sure.”

Things just got worse after that. If I handed him an instrument and it was the wrong one, he wouldn’t say anything, he would just kick me in the shins underneath the patient. Then he would tell the patient how stupid I was. I went through that hell for about six months and then mercifully he transferred. His replacement was better, but I still never really felt any type of connection and I was bored and lonely and unmotivated. I didn’t even want to go to lab school anymore.

In 1986 LCDR Greg Nelson was assigned as the department head of the dental clinic. I didn’t like him at first. He was a little stiff and buttoned up and the first thing he did was took away our long, 90-minute lunch hour. Then, he had a bad habit of running late during most of the procedures, so we were always working through lunch or late. I was getting discouraged again.

Then one day he asked me a very important question.

“Munro, what are you going to do with your life?”

I told him I didn’t know; I just wanted out of the Navy. Then he asked me what I was going to do with myself when I got out, and I told him I didn’t know that either.

“Well, you don’t know much, do you?” he said.

He was right.

The next day he sat me down.

“You obviously don’t have a plan for your life so since you don’t, I’m going to make one for you. You don’t know this but right now as a former lab tech and an assistant, you know more than a first-year dental student in dental school. And since you don’t have any plans, I’m going to make one for you I’m going to get your ass to dental school.”

Now I had to laugh on the inside when he told me this. He had no idea what a lazy student I was. But he was dead series and intended to make good on that promise. He walked me down to the Navy campus office and made me sign up for Physics 100 with University of Maryland. They would fly professors in from the States and hold college classes.

Dental school started too. Every workday. As I would assist him, he would explain what he was doing and why. Now I started to take interest. It was fun because I could really see myself doing this. My motivation began to grow, and my attitude improved.

And so, it was on a spring morning in 1987 that Greg Nelson came to the clinic with breaking news.

“I broke a filling last night.”

I asked him what he was planning on doing. He said there were three options. Option #1 is he could see the local Australian dentist and have him fix it. He said that would not be happening. Option #2 would have him fly to Honolulu and have it fixed there. That’s 17 hours one way get it fixed and 17 hours back. Option #3 was that I could fix it for him.

I suggested maybe we think about option #2 but he was not moved.

“I think you can do this,” he said. “Plus, I don’t want to fly that long flight.”

That week we held dental school on steroids. We had a bag of teeth that we had in the back of the lab. I don’t know why we kept them, but we mounted them up in plaster and he showed me how to cut the prep with that drill, the one that screams loud and sprays you with water. He showed me how to give the injection. Then he made me practice.

One week later, Greg Nelson laid back in the chair and let me fix that tooth. It was one of the most inspiring moments of my life. Maybe because somebody finally really believed in me. Or maybe because I had a boss who put his mouth where his mouth was. Things changed after that. My confidence grew. I knew I could do just about anything I wanted to.

Greg invested in me and set me up on a path of success. I will always look back on him and be grateful for him taking a chance on me.

Everyone needs a Greg Nelson in their lives.

More importantly, we need to be a Greg Nelson in the lives of others.

Greg Nelson and I in 1987. I had a lot more hair in those days.

I consider this story my origin story. I used it in many of my management workshops, particularly when I noticed the audience fading. This story is powerful because it shows how to properly develop your direct reports as a manager.

I chose this story for this chapter because it follows a standard path and brings in the most common elements of a good story. Those elements are:

· Theme

· Characters

· Plot

· Setting

· Conflict

· Turning point

· Epilogue

Let’s look at all those through the lens of my story.

Theme

The theme of your story is the underlying message or big idea that will be fleshed out. My story wasn’t a story about dental work. Dental was just the mechanism. My story was about having someone invest in me. Someone who took a chance and had some skin in the game.

This is how movies are made. The movie itself just promotes the theme. Rocky wasn’t necessarily a boxing movie. Rocky is a love story and the story of someone who has lived in obscurity and now gets his 15 minutes of fame. It didn’t have to be boxing. Rocky could have been a circus performer or an accountant.

Look at most movies today. Twister wasn’t a tornado movie. It was a story about a couple who was divorcing but was still in love. They just happened to chase tornados. Jaws was the first big shark movie, but the shark was just the excuse to get the characters interacting. The real story of Jaws was how to convince people with more power than you that there is a clear danger when nobody seems to believe you.

Determining your theme is the first step in building a story. You can’t move forward without it, so get busy.

But once you determine your theme, it’s time to explore the next element.

Characters

The characters are the players in your story. In mine, of course I am the central character as the storyteller and this story’s theme is about my transformation. Greg Nelson of course is there. We are the two main characters.

There are others though. Dr. Backer, my first boss has a larger part. He represents the Dark Side of my life. Then there are the minor characters of the guy in lab school, the Navy and college recruiters, and Melissa the assistant.

Some of them aren’t necessary, but when you tell a story, sometimes it’s fun to drop them in just as a diversion. We want our audience to keep guessing where the story goes. Characters can help.

Plot

The plot of your story is the sequence of events. It moves separate from the theme because it dictates where the story goes.

Your plot may be like mine. My plot starts in the present, but then it goes back to 1982 when I was in high school. It takes you through trade school, boot camp, assisting school, and the clinic where it marries up with the opening sequence.

You don’t have to do the plot this way. You are the storyteller and so long as it doesn’t cause you to change your story, do it the way you think communicates best. When I tell my story in front of an audience, there is an audible reaction when I tell them:

“…the patient is my boss…”

Audible gasp

“…and I’m not even a dentist…”

Audible gasp

“But my boss is.”

Audible gasp, disbelief and laughter. Is Mack b**********g us again?

Then of course, they won’t relax until they learn how we got here. And that’s the best part of the story!

If your story is a true story, you already know the plot. Just work it.

Setting

Your setting is the location of your story. Mine is set in Australia in 1987 and Newport Beach, California in 1982.

The setting may or may not be important. For me, being stationed overseas was critical because in a normal world, no sane human being would let an untrained kid pick up a dental drill and put holes in your teeth. But overseas, yeah, it happened. I needed to set it up so you wouldn’t think I was full of s**t.

Depending on the location, you might want to highlight the setting or downplay it. But it’s an important part of the story so make sure it’s in there someplace.

Conflict

A good story has a conflict. There needs to be a feeling that things are just fine, and then something goes wrong. In my story, I was doing great in lab school, but the economy was my enemy. Then it was Dr. Backer. Then, apathy.

Think about it. Stories without conflicts are boring. If you want to tell a story to entertain, highlight the conflict. Without it, there is no chance of a major life change. And without that, why would anyone want to listen?

Turning Point

This is the a-ha moment. The payoff. In my story, it was in the first few paragraphs. But you didn’t know it until the very end. I kept it hidden just long enough.

Turning points in movies create classic moments. They are often twists that are unexpected. But once discovered, the audience is in awe. They can’t believe they never saw it coming.

For a story to be listenable, you’ll need a turning point. Otherwise, why would we want to hear it?

The Epilogue

The epilogue ties up all loose ends. At least the ones you want tied up. The best part of telling a story is you control how it goes.

Human beings seek closure. If you leave them hanging, it has a good effect, but that curiosity about what happened will linger. You may be ok with that, but your audience wants to know what happens later.

Think about it. If you’re reading this, you likely think I’m full of s**t. After all, why would a dentist allow a greenhorn to drill and fill their teeth? And how did Mack go from a chairside dental assistant who was supposed to go to dental school, to a management consultant that tells stories?

The epilogue of my story is simple. Once I left my duty station, life happened, and dental school was not to be. Math and science and my ex were the reason. I wound up in an ugly divorce, remarried, went back overseas, came back to the USA and started a graduate program in organizational leadership, nearly killed my boss in 1996, got out of the Navy in 1999 and made the choice to build a consulting business which I ran for 20+ years. There’s a wealth of stories in all that.

Now are you relieved? You got the epilogue. Your closure. Oh yes, and Greg Nelson? He’s alive and well and retired up in Wyoming. I interviewed him on my podcast, and we talked about this very story. You’ll have to listen to it on my podcast Mack’s INNER CIRCLE on Substack.

So that’s your outline. All that’s left is to add your story onto the skeleton.

Well, almost everything. What we just did was assemble a bunch of bricks together to form a wall. We are building it brick by brick. Every brick is an element of the story. Some bricks are theme bricks, some are character. All those bones of the story skeleton are the bricks in the story.

Brick walls are good. They keep good things in and bad things out. But decorative walls can be pure art. If your story is a wall made of bricks, why not take some time to make it interesting? Think of it as artistic graffiti on an old wall in a rundown part of town. It will pop. It will come to life. And it comes to life in a sea of sadness and blight. We are drawn to that color. We want to know its story.

Does your story cause that reaction? If not, let’s apply some artistic graffiti!

There are three types, analogies, metaphors, and anecdotes. None are necessary, but used properly, they make your story more engaging and memorable. Let’s explore them together.

Analogies

Analogies are comparisons between two different things. It highlights what is similar between the two things (“life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re gonna get”) or differences (Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus,). The comparisons help us understand. One analogy I used in management workshops was in participant’s debate over which was better, managers or leaders. I told them,

“Managers and leaders are similar. They are like apples and bowling balls. They’re both round. That’s about it.” The group laughs and then we talk about the use of power and influence. But separating the two was important.

Analogies are the best way to convey technical principles to luddites and for luddites to communicate their needs to techies. By the way, a luddite is a lot like your elderly mom who refuses to try out anything technologically new that might possibly improve her life. Either because of ignorance or fear.

Analogies are a great way to communicate physiological or medical concepts.

The amygdala is like the smoke detector in your house. It lets you know as early as possible if danger is present. Properly charged, it will alarm you in enough time to get you to safety.

Personally, I speak in analogies. You’ve probably noticed. They are sprinkled like black pepper on your Caesar salad in the paragraphs above. And look, I just did it again.

If you’re looking for a good source of analogies, start with comparisons that will relate to your industry and customer. Learn their language and challenges and then speak it in your story. Just like hearing someone use our name, it makes us feel closer and more comfortable.

Be sure your analogies fit the entire group though. This is particularly true if you’re using to teach or train an audience. Using football analogies might work well for a story told at a father/son football banquet but won’t go over in a mixed group who may not watch or understand football.

And finally, be sure your analogies are appropriate. I may be inappropriate in how I’m writing this book, but I’m not selling you anything. You already bought it.

The worst analogy I heard was at a training event when one of the facilitators said something along the lines of “that was about as smart as bending over to pick up the soap in the shower in prison.” I’m certain there was a better analogy out there than this one.

Metaphors

A metaphor is a figure of speech that directly compares two things. Where an analogy suggests something is like something else, metaphor compares to two items directly.

Think back to the dental story. What do you remember about my boss’s eyes? They were as big as a couple of Oreo cookies, right? Now you’ll never look at a bag of Oreos the same again when you see them at Walmart. When you’re sitting in the waiting room at the dentist and hear that high-pitched whistle coming from behind the heavy brown door, you’re going to think about my story and the Oreos and then wonder how big your own eyes are going to get. Maybe as big as Moon Pies. You’ll curse my name for telling that f*****g story. And then I hope you’ll realize the power of a metaphor.

It takes practice to use metaphors properly, but it’s a lot of fun to do. I’m going to generate a list of people in your life, and I want you to create a metaphor that describes them.

Here they are (and use obviously if they are appropriate for you):

· The best boss you ever had.

· The worst boss you ever had.

· The basic function of your job or career.

· You favorite pet.

· A metaphor to describe your favorite movie (i.e. Alien is like Jaws in space).

· Your brand of spirituality or spiritual practice. Or agnosticism or atheism.

· How you feel when you eat your favorite food.

Now imagine describing this to a group of people you don’t know. You’ll have to use a metaphor that would hit all of them. That’s why it’s so important to practice. Keep working on that list above. Generate more prompts if you like. This gets easier and becomes natural after a while. Soon you’ll find your conversations become richer. The seasoning of analogy and metaphor are bringing the natural flavors of your stories out for all to enjoy.

Anecdotes

Anecdotes are narratives that tell a story or impart wisdom but are shorter and don’t always show a turning point or cause and effect. To use an analogy, an anecdote is like a sidekick to a superhero. They are important but serve only to support the superhero. They have value unto themselves, and often the anecdote can stand on its own, but as part of a story, it serves to assist and support.

The following anecdote isn’t mine. I read it years ago on a LinkedIn post and don’t even know if it’s real. But it’s a great example, and I’ll tell it as I remember it, but in my authentic voice. Here we go.

The owner of a small company was frustrated at the employees’ minimal participation in the 401K program. He had invested quite a bit and wanted his employees to participate.

So, he hatched a plan.

At the company holiday party, after an hour or so of drinks and food, the owner asked all the employees and their families to gather around a large table. When they did, he pulled a large black garden trash bag out from underneath. It was heavy. He asked a couple of the workers to help him lift it. They turned it over and dumped the contents onto the table.

The employees and their families gasped. The bag contained stacks and stacks of cash. It was piled high in front of them.

“This was my Christmas gift to you this year,” the CEO began. “Sadly, none of you wanted it, so I at least wanted you to see what it was before I returned it.

The employees were incredulous.

“This is the first time we’ve seen this gift! We would have accepted it.”

All the employees agreed. Everyone was still a little dumbfounded.

Then, the CEO explained it.

“The cash is the amount of money the company was planning to contribute to your 401K. HR publicized it, and sent emails about it, but nobody showed up to claim it so I’m going to put it back in the bank so it can grow.

The CEO stuffed the cash back in the bag put it away. The party continued, although now a bit subdued. More than one employee was served an elbow in the ribs from a pissed off spouse.

What was not subdued was the participation in the 401K. Employees signed up in record numbers.

Let’s examine this anecdote. It isn’t technically a story in that it doesn’t really have that classic turning point, although it technically happens at the end with increased 401K signups. But it provides the ultimate analogy. Most employees don’t see a 401K match as tangible cash. Some dumbasses think a 401K is a running race. Those employees needed that analogy. And the metaphor of using it almost as a gift that was rejected and returned added just a hint of disappointment, the same one you experienced when you gave a Christmas gift that wasn’t appreciated.

This anecdote would be effective though if I was telling the story of an organization I was working with as a consultant. About how I helped them transform from a top-down, command and control structure to one of a learning organization where curiosity and creativity became the culture. And this small anecdote is just one successful brick in our story.

If you’re on Substack, anecdotes are like a Note. The communicate shorter truths but strung together they can build a great story.

That’s all you need to start telling stories. Now we just need to figure out what type of story you need to tell.

Chapter 1 - Why Tell a Story

Chapter 2 - Who Are You?

Chapter 3 - How to Build a Story

Chapter 4 - Stories and Their Uses

Chapter 5 - Stories to Communicate and Connect

Chapter 6 - Stories to Teach and Train

Chapter 7 - Stories to Persuade and Influence

Chapter 8 - Stories to Cast Vision and Communicate

Chapter 9 - Stories to Entertain and Engage

Chapter 10 - Stories to Market and Promote

Chapter 11 - Stories to Honor and Remember

Chapter 12 - Stories to Heal and Grow

Chapter 13 - Now What?

Chapter 2 - Who Are You?

It’s early evening at a Chili’s restaurant near the Louis Armstrong International Airport in New Orleans. It’s just down the road from the plant where you work—the same place you received some good news today. In fact, you and your work buddies stopped here after the shift to celebrate.

The Chili’s is in the parking lot of a Hampton Inn, which means it’s frequented by business travelers. They’re easy to spot. Mostly men, they sit at the bar, scrolling through their phones, mindlessly eating nachos, and drinking beer.

As your celebration winds down, you decide to have one more before heading home. There’s only one guy left sitting at the bar now—an old man in a flat newsboy cap and a black golf shirt. But unlike the others earlier, he’s just staring at his drink: a double bourbon in a glass with a large ice rock. No phone in sight. He seems lost in thought.

“How ya doin’?” you ask, your extraversion a product of the past few beers.

The stranger looks back. He looks sixty-something, but it’s hard to tell. In this part of town, forty can look sixty, and sixty, well…

“I’m good,” he says. “You seem to be doing just fine.”

“I am,” you reply thickly, the beers making their presences known. “Out here celebrating tonight.”

“Yeah? Well, that makes two of us.”

“For someone looking so alone and somber, I can’t imagine what you’re celebrating.”

“Well, how about you tell me what you’re celebrating, and then I’ll share. How does that sound?”

“Fine. Today I got promoted to team lead at the ACME Chemical Plant down the road. I’ve been there two years, and today I got the good news. I was just here celebrating with some of my buddies.”

“Ahh,” the stranger says, “So you’re The Boss now!

He laughs heartily, slamming his hand down on the bar.

“Why are you laughing?” you ask. “What’s so funny?”

You’ve got the world by the balls now, don’t you?” You have no idea what you just got yourself into, do you?”

Now you’re getting annoyed. This drunk old fool is giving you s**t. You make the decision to leave.

“You know what? Forget it. I’ll leave you alone.”

“Wait a minute. Don’t you want to know why I’m celebrating?”

“Sure, whatever.” This guy is starting to creep you out.

“I’m retiring. Tomorrow morning I’m flying home to Nashville and moving on from this career.”

“What did you do?” you ask.

“For the past 25 years, I’ve been a management consultant—helping organizations develop better managers. Working with folks just like you! How about I buy us a round?”

And so, you let the stranger buy you a beer. He orders another Maker’s Mark.

When the drinks arrive, he asks you a question.

“Is your mind right?”

You have no idea what that means. So, you ask. And for the next two hours, he elaborates. He tells you stories. He offers you wisdom. The old guy has seen a lot in his time.

When you leave, you ask the stranger for a card, but he doesn’t have any. Says he doesn’t need them anymore. You thank him for the drinks and his time and head home. As you walk inside your front door, you wish you’d written down everything he told you. It was a two-hour long firehose of wisdom.

It’s OK if you didn’t write anything down—I did. It’s in the book you’re holding now.

And, in case you’re wondering, I’m the old guy at the bar. And yes, at the time I wrote this, I was winding down that long career as a management consultant. I’ve seen and done a lot over the past 25 years, in just that career. I’ve seen even more in my Navy career before that. Lots of stories, lessons learned and acquired wisdom.

Please let me share it all with you. It’s my going-away, retirement gift to you.

I’ve taught so many workshops and written so many books demonstrating tools and techniques. None of them work quite as well without—you guessed it—the proper mindset.

So, remember me as you read through this. I’ve seen a lot over the years. Let me open what’s left of my brain to you.

And you need to get busy getting your mind right.

That’s the About This Book section from my final business book, Get Your Mind Right! Straight Talk for the First Time Boss.

It may have been my last business book, but it was the first book I wrote that was in my own authentic voice. The old man at the bar is me. I’ve got lots of mileage, artificial hips, a bad back, arthritis in my hands, tattoos and scars, and a wealth of knowledge and experience.

The directness and swearing? Yeah, that’s really me. The Maker’s Mark? My favorite. If you sit at the bar and have a drink with me, that’s exactly how it’s going to go down.

I began discovering my authentic voice years ago but took a long time for me to be comfortable with it. Not to mention my authentic voice didn’t work well for church or corporate training events. It worked occasionally at HR conferences where many attendees enjoyed the opportunity to drop their facades and just be themselves.

Get Your Mind Right! was the easiest book I’ve ever written. It required very little editing. It was easy because I didn’t care who got offended by it. I knew my target audience would not be offended whatsoever. If you read that book and didn’t like it, don’t worry. I didn’t write it for you.

I was finally able to talk to a brand-new supervisor the way I wanted to for the past 25 years of my management consulting career. I wrote that book as if I was sitting at the bar talking to that young kid. Using the language of the blue-collar workforce. And increasingly the white-collar group as well. I marketed that book for them. I’m confident it will do its job.

And if that book helps just one person, then it was worth writing.

I know my voice and I’m confident. It just took 40 f*****g years.

What about you?

Who are you anyway?

What stories do you have for us?

Why should we listen to you?

Maybe the best way to begin your journey into storytelling is to define the storyteller. You.

Your Authentic Voice

Thinking back to my first encounter with beets, I’m tasting the earthy nastiness of them and evaluating the entire experience with my now 61-year-old voice. It’s the same voice that guided me in elementary, middle, and high school. It was there in boot camp and all my duty stations. It’s the one constant in my life.

And that voice is my internal voice. My internal narration of life as it unfolds. That, my friend, is your authentic voice. You likely keep this one under wraps. Only your closest friends and maybe your family, and therapist have ever actually heard it. You won’t use this voice in public. Only because that voice is raw and maybe not appropriate. But you can’t deny it because it’s you. And when you tell a story to your family and closest friends, they listen because it’s a part of you they don’t always get to hear, but it’s rich and honest and real. The real you. And your authentic voice.

This is the voice that tells stories. If you allow enough of your true self in, people build an emotional connection to you.

I started using my authentic voice more about 18 months ago when I embraced storytelling. My weekly INNER CIRCLE blog became a weekly story instead of a bland post. I used that authentic voice and stopped being the hero every week. My stories are far more interesting when I tell you about the many times I’ve fucked up. There are no shortages of those. When I think I’ve told them all, my wife is quick to bring a few more out of storage for me.

The best part was my INNER CIRCLE audience. When I started sharing with my authentic voice, I began receiving more feedback from that weekly email. People shared their stories. And those stories were sometimes as painful as mine. Often worse. I think it was because I chose to be vulnerable. Maybe it gave my audience permission to do the same.

This is why it’s so important to discover YOU and your internal, authentic voice.

How to Discover Your Authentic Voice

This is a homework assignment for you. I want you to tell me a story about a time that you were heading down one path and then something happened to send you down another. Write this story for me. That’s a good idea because even though you likely don’t know me (unless your one of my family members or friends who bought this book out of obligation or pity), I’m sure you can feel like you can trust me. And you can. I’m a safe audience. I love typos. You’ve probably already found some in this book, haven’t you?

And the best part? You don’t have to send me or anyone that story. You are writing it to me, but it’s really for you. I want you to dissect and evaluate yourself. Think about your voice, your thoughts, your values, your passions, your goals, your big ideas. Embrace your anger, joy, pain, and pleasure. Write about them the way you really want to. Tell me who you are in that authentic voice.

Once you’ve written it, put it away for a week or so. Then revisit it. You’ll likely want to edit your story but resist the urge. The goal wasn’t to write a story so I could evaluate it (although if you like, I will if you email it to me at MadMackArtist@gmail.com). It was so you could discover YOU and YOUR VOICE! This is who will tell your stories. I hope you two can meet!

Chapter 1 - Why Tell a Story

Chapter 2 - Who Are You?

Chapter 3 - How to Build a Story

Chapter 4 - Stories and Their Uses

Chapter 5 - Stories to Communicate and Connect

Chapter 6 - Stories to Teach and Train

Chapter 7 - Stories to Persuade and Influence

Chapter 8 - Stories to Cast Vision and Communicate

Chapter 9 - Stories to Entertain and Engage

Chapter 10 - Stories to Market and Promote

Chapter 11 - Stories to Honor and Remember

Chapter 12 - Stories to Heal and Grow

Chapter 13 - Now What?

Chapter 1 - Why Tell a Story

Don’t you hate it when one of your co-workers comes back from vacation and wants to tell you all about it?

I do. And it’s not that I’m jealous, although depending on where they went, I might be. I just despise how people recount vacations.

Usually, they tell you about it chronologically. They arrived at this airport, took a cab to the terminal, boarded the cruise ship, got into their cabin, ate at the buffet, commented on how many passengers seemed determined to eat their money’s worth, etc.

It’s boring. And truthfully, nobody really gives a f**k about your vacation. They are just trying to be nice.

But what if you told a story? A story with drama. A story with high stakes. A story with uncertainty? Well, I would listen to a story like that. So would you. It’s the reason we watch movies and TV shows and read novels.

Besides, once you take a vacation and file all the photos away and take all the souvenirs to the Good Will, all you’ll remember about the vacation are the memories of how you felt about things. That’s the story! Pictures won’t show you that. The story is deeper. It’s where the memories are stored. Which means you might not be able to tell your friends about your vacation. About what REALLY happened and how you REALLY felt. But if you could, it would likely keep your audience on the edge of their seats.

Read the following. It’s part of a long story I did about our trip to Fairbanks, Alaska to see the Auroras in February 2025. It’s about one of our excursions.

Barb and I switching places. My eyeballs are frozen. I feel like Jack Torrence at the end of The Shining.

I’m flying down a snow-covered trail at 40 MPH. It’s my first time on a snow machine.

This is one of our excursions. One of the reasons we rented snow gear.

Barb and I are sharing a snow machine. I’m past the age of trying to impress anyone. Besides, she’s in better shape than me and can pick it up off me if I roll it.

Things are going well as we follow our guide. He’s a young kid, full of energy and enthusiasm. He reminds me of a skinny Rob Gronkowski, with longer hair.

The snow machine is a lot like my four-wheeler. Only my four-wheeler doesn’t handle the snow nearly as well as the snow machine does! The handles and levers are heated and there is a tube that hooks into your helmet that warms it, keeping your visor from fogging up.

But that doesn’t seem to be working now. As we speed up to 45MPH, my visor is fogging. I can’t figure out what happened. I don’t want to slow down and yet I don’t want to run into something. I raise my visor.

Now I can see, but I’m riding into below zero wind. At a high speed. I feel my eyes water and then swell. I feel rocks forming in my nostrils. It’s frozen nose hair or boulder-sized boogers. I can’t take my hands off the handlebars to find out which. Not that it matters. Someone can figure it out at the scene when they peel me off a tree. I pop the visor up and down just enough to get to our first stop.

I ask our guide if there was a secret to the defroster. He holds up the other end of the tube. Somehow, I unhooked it. My bad. Now it’s Barb’s turn to drive. I sit on the back and relax as we drove over a frozen lake, past small ice fishing cabins. I kept hearing Christopher Walken’s desperate voice in The Dead Zone:

“The ice…is gonna break!”

We wind around the lake and head back towards the parking lot. Our guide helps us out of our gear. His enthusiasm is palpable and genuine. Almost the way you feel when you’re around a golden retriever. His next adventure is to lead a motorcycle excursion across Alaska. I don’t ride, but if I did, I’d go on his tour. I think he loves his job.

There. Now you know what it’s like to ride a snow machine. Not as easy as it looks, and somewhat dangerous. And really cold.

Here’s how regular people talk about a trip to Fairbanks.

We went on a snow machine excursion, and it was fun and cold. Then we came back to the hotel and went down to the bar and had a drink. Then we all decided to play trivia.

You lost me. I don’t feel like I’m on a snow machine. It’s all sterile and generic.

In my account, I want you to experience the blast of cold air as I lift my visor. I want you to feel Barb’s hands digging into my ribs trying to hold on while I’m trying to steer without being able to see. You meet the guide. Normally, they are just like furniture. But now when you read about Rob Gronkowski somewhere or dream about riding motorcycles through the mountains of Alaska, you’ll think of my guide. Stories give us immortality. They give us relevance. Everyone you come across impacts your story. This is your chance to recount your vacation stories in a new, exciting way.

But don’t expect people to love you any more than they already do. They are still jealous of your vacation. And likely that you’re so good at telling stories.

Your average person wouldn’t tell you a story like that. They would tick off a list of sights and experiences and would NEVER share something too personal or unflattering. In their story, they will be the hero. The center of attention. In mine, you’re likely thinking I’m a clumsy d*****s who observes odd things. And you know what? You’d be absolutely correct. My hope is that makes me just a bit more relatable. And that’s just one more wonderful benefit of storytelling.

But that’s exactly what people want to know about your trip. We can Google where you went. I’m more interested in how you felt. How the experience changed you. After all, we take vacations to experience new things and come home refreshed. Surely something significant, life-altering, or purpose-reaffirming happened. That’s what your audience wants to hear about.

Stories do that. And only a story can do that. Think about how your photos come to life when you tell the story behind it.

So why do we need to tell stories?

You’re a human being. It’s your native tongue. In case you’ve forgotten it, my book will help bring it all back.

About this Book

Chapter 1 - Why Tell a Story

Chapter 2 - Who Are You?

Chapter 3 - How to Build a Story

Chapter 4 - Stories and Their Uses

Chapter 5 - Stories to Communicate and Connect

Chapter 6 - Stories to Teach and Train

Chapter 7 - Stories to Persuade and Influence

Chapter 8 - Stories to Cast Vision and Communicate

Chapter 9 - Stories to Entertain and Engage

Chapter 10 - Stories to Market and Promote

Chapter 11 - Stories to Honor and Remember

Chapter 12 - Stories to Heal and Grow

Chapter 13 - Now What?

About This Book

Life is nothing but a story. A story in which we are the central character. In our story, we are either creating our destiny, reacting to our destiny, or being controlled by our destiny.

Since life is a story, that assumes story will be the language of life. We speak our life, reflect on life, and remember our life through stories.

My earliest memory is waking up from a nap, next to my mom. I’m guessing she is taking a nap too. We are in our apartment in Orange, California. We lived there until 1967 when we moved to Santa Ana. That would make me probably three years old. My mom asks me if I am hungry and say yes, and she gives me some beets out of a can. I don’t like the taste.

58 years later, I still hate beets. My wife grows them in her garden which means I must help wash and can the little red f*****s. And you know what? They taste just as bad as those beets I ate as a three-year-old. That story, the first human memory I have, is relived and retold constantly. I think about it when I see beets in the produce section of Publix. I can taste them as I walked past the canned beets in the fruit and vegetable aisle. I reflect on them when I wash the dirt off them in the sink before peeling them. I’m guessing the last thought in my head on my deathbed will be about beets in the afterlife.

If I’ve had beet stories in my head all these years, imagine what other stories I have? But more importantly, let’s talk about your stories. You are the central character in your story, and I think it’s high time you lean into this.

Here’s why. Humans have used the universal language of story for some time. Look at the storyboard below.

It doesn’t look like a normal storyboard. It wasn’t created for us. It’s for ancient hunters. The only thing we hunt for these days is a parking spot at Walmart. But for these hunters near Altamira, Spain it was relevant 19,000 years ago.

Archeologists used carbon dating to determine the age. I read on Facebook that they deduced that because one of the archeologists found a TV Guide down there with the date on it. I’m thinking that’s the likely explanation.

Even though these are just stick figures, they tell a story. A story that’s also a warning. From bottom to top, we are told to not underestimate our prey. Don’t let them get too close. The second guy from the bottom tells you to pack more than one arrow. Sometimes it takes over three to drop them. The next figure up warns against drinking too much coffee before climbing up in your tree stand. The last figure was done by the guy’s wife. She’s saying he’d “forget his own ass if it weren’t attached.”

Other ancient cave art in France tells similar stories.

When we developed written language, stories spread even faster. Now in our generation, we have so many sensory outputs and inputs that it seems stories would be amplified.

But sadly, stories have been silenced.

We go to conferences and presenters read us the same PowerPoint slides we can clearly see with our own eyes.

Our Saturday morning TV programs are interrupted by annoying car dealer commercials proclaiming (in an exaggerated Southern accent) “Come on down to Bates Ford where we’ll trade for anything that don’t eat!”

We assemble for the CEO’s annual address and summarily fall asleep as she drones on about complexities and opportunities and headwinds and efficiencies.

Sunday sermons are an endless pontification on topics and doctrines that have been presented ad nauseum. Important, life-changing truths that have been taught the in the same sterile way for generations. People nod obediently in agreement, but the message doesn’t penetrate as well anymore.

But think about what happens when we find out an old friend has passed away. A childhood friend whom we we’ve had limited contact with over the years. And then, as the news sinks in, we begin replaying the story of our friendship. Think about the last memorial or homecoming service you attended. Likely, it was an emotional outpouring of stories. The memories our loved ones have of us will be remembered in some form of story. Those stories connect with others and soon we’ve created a living memory. One that can be retold.

So yes, life is nothing but a story. We are the central character. We wake up to a new chapter each day. When the day ends, we take a moment to summarize, and then the cycle repeats in the morning.

I remember flying into St. Louis one early Monday morning. As the plane descended onto Lambert Field, I noticed all the homes around the airport. I could see the lights on in most of them.

A thought crossed my mind.

There are thousands of people below me right now, waking up, getting ready to head out, and each one of them thinks this world revolves around them.

How did I know this? Because that’s precisely how I felt. I wanted to get on the ground, get off the plane, hit the bathroom, and get some coffee. I wanted to make my connection to Des Moines on time so I could drive the two hours to Coralville, so I could check into my hotel and then find a bar and have a drink and then get some food. Then I wanted to get back to my hotel, watch TV, and go to bed.

That was the story of the day, and I wanted to be the satisfied hero. Of course, we can’t control our story being hijacked or intersected or impacted by the stories of others, but we all exist in one big story fest.

I tell you all this because story is the universal language of humans. It doesn’t matter what language you speak. A story crosses all cultures and boundaries. I worked as a management consultant and facilitator for 25 years. I taught workshops in 24 of the 50 states along with some in Germany, China, Poland, Puerto Rico, Canada, Ireland, the UK, and Italy. Even though those overseas groups spoke English, I would only see their eyes light up when I told them a story. A story connects the unfamiliar to the familiar. It’s an anchor that new learning springs from.

Most of my career, I’ve worked with unfriendly audiences. No normal humans want to sit in management training. While serving in the United States Navy, I volunteered to be on the Command Training Team. This meant I had to teach NR&R, the annual Navy Rights and Responsibilities course. This three-hour snoozefest was as welcome as a digital prostate exam. The curriculum covered the Navy contract (including a deep dive into things like the Oath of Enlistment, sexual harassment prevention, and of course, the contract itself. It was dry, the PowerPoint slides overwhelmed with tiny text, and the audience as hostile as a busload of old people at Cracker Barrel who are told there is an hour wait for a table.

The first time I did it, I didn’t know what to do. So, I read the slides and just told stories. Some were true. Some were just examples. From what I could tell, it didn’t suck. Nobody gave me negative body language. Nobody challenged anything. For me, that was feedback enough.

Shortly after I finished, as I was packing up my laptop, a grizzled Navy Captain approached me. I started to panic. I figured I said something that was offensive or inaccurate. I prepared for the worst. And he let me have it.

“Petty Officer Munro. In my 30 years in the Navy, that was the best annual NR&R I’ve ever heard.”

I was floored. Coming from anyone that would be compliment, but knowing he’s likely sat through that academic colonoscopy 30 times, it meant a lot!

So much so that I leaned into doing presentations. Stories became my signature. Feedback after my workshops always listed stories as the highlight.

But now that I’ve moved on from the career in management development, I find myself still doing presentations, but now they focus on helping people tell better stories. I’m convinced it’s the most effective way to communicate.

In fact, if you spend any time at all, communicating with fellow humans, you owe it to yourself and them. Learn to communicate with stories and you’ll benefit everyone around you. Let me show you how.

Me in 1997. Right about the time I taught NR&R.

About This Book

Chapter 1 - Quit Being Afraid!

Chapter 2 - Acknowledge

Chapter 3 - Planning

Chapter 4 - Execute

There are a few more areas to cover before we conclude. The first area is that dreaded question and answer period after a presentation.

“Are there any questions?”

Why do we fear this event? Probably because no amount of preparation can give you every answer to every question. Even accomplished presenters, experts in their fields can get stumped by a question. Here are some suggestions to get you through a “Q and A” session unscathed.

Qualify Yourself

When you qualify yourself to an audience, you set the expectation for the Q and A session. Do this during your introduction. Look at the following example:

“Good evening. I’m Mack Munro and for the next 30 minutes, I’ll be sharing some ideas with you about effective public speaking. Some of this will be new to you, and some will be a rehash of what you already know. Undoubtedly, there will be some great questions that we’ll save for the end and I’ll attempt to answer them. I can’t promise I’ll know all the answers, but I’ll do my best and maybe we can all learn something new together.”

So, what did I tell the audience?

· I would share some ideas

· Some will be new

· Some you already know

· I know you’ll have questions

· There will be a proper time to ask the questions

· I may not know the answer to your questions

Because I don’t know the answer doesn’t mean I didn’t prepare. But at least they know that I’m in a learning mode, and in that mode, any answers I don’t know are just new opportunities for all of us to learn. This way, the audience comes away feeling as if they were important too.

Acknowledge All Questions

“That’s a great question.”

This phrase is short but powerful. It does two things for you. First, it buys you a little time if you really don’t know the answer. Second, it lets the audience know you appreciate their questions, even the tough ones.

I’ve discovered that it doesn’t take much to get an audience on the defense, and like a cornered rattlesnake, they’ll quickly mount an offense to confront you. We’ll cover how to handle a hostile audience in a moment, but the best way to prevent it is to acknowledge the question and the asker. Make your audience feel important and they’ll be less likely to turn on you. It’s hard to beat up someone you like, and if your audience likes you, they’ll be easier on you if you can’t answer the question.

Think Before You Speak

When we get nervous, the temptation is to speak faster. Faster speech shortens the time to think, and so before you know it, you’ve said something you may regret.

When Arnold Schwarzenegger ran for Governor of California in 2003, he seemed a little surprised at the tenacity of reporters at press conferences. At one of his first appearances, during a flurry of questions, he was asked his opinion on what was then referred to as “gay marriage.”

“I think that gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman,” he answered.

Of course, this answer was the only part of the interview seen by the public, but it’s an example of speaking before thinking, which often happens (as in Arnold’s case) when the question come quickly.

Don’t be afraid to pause before answering. If you look like you must think a moment, your audience will feel good because they’ll think they’re pretty intellectual. You’ll give the impression the audience is important and you’re giving them the best answer you can.

Don’t Answer It If You Don’t Know It

You don’t have to know all the answers! If fact, your credibility will be higher if you admit you don’t know it. After all, who knows everything? If indeed you knew everything, your audience would have no reason to come back and hear you speak again. Successful people are constant learners. Constant learners will admit they don’t know anything.

If you don’t know the answer, or are not at liberty to give it, be careful how you respond. Look at the following interesting response from Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld given at a press conference in 2002:

“Reports that say something hasn’t happened are always interesting to me, because as we know, there are known knowns; there are things we know we know.

We also know there are known unknowns; that is to say we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns -- the ones we don’t know we don’t know.”

Huh? WTF?

I’m not exactly sure what he meant, but the answer leaves me even more curious, and slightly annoyed. If you can’t answer it, then don’t. And please don’t give a false or wrong answer! Giving a wrong answer instantly destroys your credibility. You will likely be fact checked in real time on someone’s phone. Insisting your wrong answer is correct ensures your credibility is destroyed for good.

Prepare a System to Get the Answers to Your Audience

It’s always helpful to have a system in place to get difficult questions answered. Usually, I’ll tell my audience in the beginning to write their questions down on the back of their business card and hand it to me as they leave and I’ll get back to them. I also keep a stack of 3x5 cards with me and keep them available for those who don’t have a business card.

Another system I like to use is the Parking Lot. This is usually a flip chart that I write the questions down on if they don’t pertain to what we’re talking about at the time. I can answer them later during the presentation, or at the end.

Develop a system that works for you. Thinking about what to do with the tough questions beforehand will give you extra confidence when you get them.

Calm a Hostile Audience

Audiences can be very fickle. There are some people that want to simply hear their own voice and steal the spotlight from you. And of course, there are just some people who want to be difficult. An audience can love you from start to finish or just until you hit one of their hot buttons. It’s possible for mob behavior to happen if you let things get too far out of hand. Always have a plan in place to quell them if they start to get out of hand.

Know When To Say “Enough”

Remember, you are in charge of your presentation and your audience. It’s ok to love your audience but be prepared to corral them in if you have to. Establish some ground rules in the beginning if you know the topic is controversial – set the expectation to work in your favor. As in dealing with groups of children, it’s easier to do it early before things get out of control.

When you feel the tension in the room beginning to rise, steer your presentation in a different direction. It can be subtle or overt but make an effort to move forward or lateral. You can always come back to the point later when the tension dies down.

Don’t Let the Audience Smell Blood

If a topic is controversial, which can make you appear controversial, expect there to be tension. Keep an eye on the tension. If you start to get flustered, the audience will see it. If they start rattling you and you begin to show any anger towards them, either verbally or non- verbally, they’ll pick up on it. The once gracious audience will then band together and feed on you like hungry sharks.

When things get to this point, it’s difficult to recover – and while you can, you’ll probably lose any credibility you initially had. Keep a cool head, change the subject, move from your position in the front of the room, or reach for a lifeline.

Reach For a Lifeline

A lifeline is someone else in the room that has your back. It could be your co-facilitator if you have one, or someone else you designate. Your lifeline should be in an area at least 10 feet away from you. Their job is to divert the attention from you, long enough for you to gather yourself together and break the tension. Think about how the sound of a gunshot scatters a mob. Your lifeline should be able to stand and say something like:

“Wow sounds like a controversial subject. I think what Mack is trying to say is….”

This shifts your audience’s eyes and posture away from you. Use those few precious seconds to regroup. Then, get the audience back:

“Thanks, Diane, for that information. I’m sure the audience appreciates having two perspectives on this issue. Now let’s look at Point Number Four – and if time permits, we’ll come back to Point Number Three.”

Be sure to establish a signal with your lifeline beforehand and use it!

If you spend some time planning how to handle that Q&A session, it will go smoothly. If you master your subject, ultimately, you’ll probably look forward to it. There is a real satisfaction that comes from being in front of a group of people that want to hear from you, to draw from your knowledge, and to have you help them solve their problems.

One way to become an expert on any subject is to read about it at least one hour per day. Spend your time mastering your subject. If you can answer at least 75% of the questions confidently, you’ll certainly be excused if you don’t know the other 25%

Points to Ponder

1. Am I confident enough to answer random questions from the audience?

2. Do I have a “lifeline” I can trust to accompany me to my next presentation?

3. What steps can I take to become an expert in my subject?

We all want to have a successful presentation. It should be something we celebrate, and our audience remembers. But an unwelcome guest, Mr. Murphy, he of the famous “I will f**k with you when you least expect it” Murphy’s Law will be in the front row. We’ve spent most of this book talking about ways to work around him. But for the adventuresome folks reading this book, here are six sure-fire ways to ensure he has his grip on you!

Treating All Audiences the Same

We covered this in detail earlier in the book. Your audience is made up of unique individuals who share different values, attitudes, motivations, learning styles, personality preferences, ethnic backgrounds, language comprehension, intellectual abilities and experiences. They also may be experiencing illness, hunger, bad moods, stress, headaches, and boredom. Of course, this is before you introduce your topic, which may be welcome to some and inflammatory to others.

Based on all this, why would you think a one-dimensional approach would work? Take some time and find out what you can about the audience, then tailor your approach to fit them.

Over-Reliance on Your Visuals (Particularly PowerPoint®)

We spent enough time on this one but remember: YOU are who the audience came to see, not your slideshow. Use YOUR creativity, style and personality to get the information out. Visuals are just one of many tools you can use to do this.

Plan out your presentation and then decide on the visuals. Develop at least one backup plan in case you face technical difficulties. If your visuals develop a glitch on stage, gracefully shift into Plan B. You’ll come across as a true expert, knowledgeable, and cool under pressure. Fumbling around and looking helpless as your PowerPoint® slides malfunction will do nothing to build your credibility or hammer home your message.

Jokes

I know we covered this earlier, but the more confident you get, the more apt you are to experiment with new techniques. Don’t get cute! If you have a sense of humor, use it subtly, naturally, and sparingly throughout the presentation. If you don’t have a sense of humor, telling a joke won’t make up for it. You risk offending people with a joke. No matter what the joke is, no matter if it deals with animals, vegetables, people, things, situations, cars, boats, cities, states, countries, fictitious characters, or even yourself, there is the inherent risk of offending someone.

Let your subject and your own natural personality win the audience. Funny people are born that way, humor comes naturally to them. Your gifts may be different, but everyone has them. Maximize your own strengths rather than borrow someone else’s. Besides, just a smile is enough to make the audience like you. We all can learn to smile more often!

Talking Down to The Audience

Is your presentation designed to discipline or punish the audience? If not, be sure your tone, body language, or gestures won’t do it for you.

An audience wants to feel appreciated and acknowledged positively. Presenters who talk down to audiences are rewarded with either open hostility, or passive-aggressive silence. Avoid finger pointing. If you must gesture, use an open hand, or the famous Disney two-finger point. Smile and keep your tone light and friendly. Let your audience know they’re important and YOU are privileged to speak to them. Cherish their input and experience.

Answer their questions gladly and make them feel as though it’s the first time you’ve ever heard that question, even if it’s asked every time you speak. Understand that the Activist and Reflective learners are paying attention, just in a different way, so don’t call them out or ridicule them if they appear to be disinterested. Love your audience and they’ll love you back.

Annoyances (“um,” “ya know,” and “you guys”)

Aside from making you look unpolished, annoyances (or filler words) could irritate your audience. “Um” and “ya know” do nothing more than distract, and even if you don’t realize you’re using them, the audience will. Practice will break you of this habit. Start working on it now before “um” and “ya know” become concrete in your vocabulary.

Many years ago when I was presenting while in the Navy, a female officer stood up and said, “Excuse me, I am NOT a guy.” I was floored! It took me a second to realize what I said. I was using “you guys” when addressing the group. Now, if you look in the dictionary, you’ll see that “you guys” is a recognized form of addressing a mixed gender audience. However, I’ve heard it used to address groups of children as well. Regardless of the group, or the appropriateness, don’t use it! You’ll sound unprofessional and could always risk having a female audience member take offense. Imagine if a mixed gender group was addressed as “you gals!”

Letting The Crowd Get Out of Control

We covered this thoroughly in the Q and A section but keep it in mind as you move through your presentation. Look for signs of restlessness or boredom in the audience. Listen carefully to the tone of the questions. Assess your materials, delivery, and pace constantly as you watch them.

If the crowd gets vocal, both verbally and non-verbally, use your lifeline, shift your subject, move around, or do anything reasonable to bring them back. Remember the gunshot effect on a mob. Keep a few tricks up your sleeve to gently but firmly get the audience back in your grasp.

Remember, presentations take work. Focus on perfection and you can’t help but attain excellence. Avoid these six roadblocks and practice the following eight recipes for success.

Let’s finish up with eight strategies to ensure you deliver that knockout! Most of this is all review, so we’ll move through it quickly.

Control The Crowd

Lest we beat the proverbial dead horse any longer, remember this: You control a crowd only if you know them. When you know them, you can tailor a presentation to them. When you know them, you’ll figure out when you’re about to lose them, and when you can keep them, you’ll positively impact them. Know your audience!

Have A Strong Introduction

Tell them what you’ll be telling them. Do it in a way that engages them and intrigues them. A short story, quotation, or shocking statement works well. Let them know how long you’ll be up there in front of them. Tell them what they should be learning from your presentation. The introduction introduces the journey – people like to know where you’ll take them.

Be Informative

You were asked to speak because you’re an expert in what you do. Your audience wants to learn from you so don’t disappoint them. Be sure your presentation contains all the information necessary to inform. Outline it logically and pragmatically. Stick to the outline but be flexible if you need to shift away to further inform. Make it your goal to teach at least one new thing to everyone in the audience.

Use Persuasive Strategies

Refer back this book for these strategies, but remember, the purpose of a persuasive presentation is to mobilize your audience and move them forward. You can use this strategy for even informative or teaching presentations. If you can mobilize and move an audience, you’re doing the same thing that motivational speakers like Tony Robbins and Brendan Burchard do – perhaps a new career opportunity awaits you!

Maximize Your Credibility

Once again, you are an expert, otherwise you’d be in the audience, not in front of it. Use preparation as your springboard to maximize your credibility. Don’t rattle off your achievements or be a name-dropper. People can read all that stuff in your bio. Talk about what you know and what you do. Your knowledge and actions will exalt you more than your accolades and achievements. Inform and acknowledge your audience and you’ll have more than enough credibility with them.

Use Verbal Support

Keep in mind the different personalities and learning styles of the audience. Be sure your examples and stories fit the broad range of people you’ll have out there. Tie the unfamiliar to the familiar. Toggle your verbal support between the pragmatists and the theorists and you should reach everyone.

Use Visuals (Carefully)

Use the visuals, don’t let them use you. Keep them clear, practical, and simple. Don’t let the visuals upstage you. Use them only to solidify your points.

Have A Strong Conclusion

The conclusion wraps up everything you’ve said in a neat little package. It hammers home the main points and motivates the audience to move forward. It lets them know it’s time to applaud. The introduction tells them what you’ll be telling them. The body gives them the information, and the conclusion ties it together. All parts are important, but human beings like closure. Be sure to make a clear endpoint through a strong conclusion.

…and in conclusion:

Speaking in front of groups doesn’t come naturally for everyone. We all get nervous, experience panic and a sense of unpreparedness.

However, we can choose to break free from the fear and leverage the adrenaline. Good preparation, practice, positive visualization, expertise, self-knowledge, and still more practice will make you a confident presenter.

Surround yourself with positive people and creative thinkers. Join a support system like your local Toastmasters chapter. Volunteer to present often. Read one hour per day on subjects in your field of expertise. Practice your body language, gestures, voice tone, and smile. Watch other speakers and learn from them. Most of all, refuse to become a prisoner of your fear. Combine the techniques in this book with meticulous preparation and a positive attitude, and you will deliver a knockout presentation!

A Final Note for Those of You Who Are “The Boss”

If you’re finished this book, you might be tempted to dismiss it since most was devoted to giving keynote talks. Trust me, if you want to be a great Boss, you really need to be a great speaker. If you visualize presenting in front of a huge audience, it will be much easier briefing your team of five each morning. If you imagine yourself giving a talk to hostile shareholders, think about how confident you’ll be when you make a pitch to your own Boss.

Give yourself the gift of confidence and skill presenting in front of a group. You’ll be glad you did.

“You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.”

Eleanor Roosevelt

About the Author

Mack Munro is an artist, writer, and storyteller who resides in Middle Tennessee.

For 25 years, he was a management consultant and trainer who worked with organizations here in the USA and abroad. He was a regular speaker on the HR conference circuit. The high point was delivering a talk at the National SHRM conference in Las Vegas to an audience of 450.

Before that, Mack spent 15 years serving on active duty in the United States Navy.

In his third and final career, Mack works with organizations helping them market products and services through the art of storytelling. His upcoming book on storytelling is a consummate guide for anyone who struggles with this.

When not writing, Mack enjoys sculpting and painting in his pottery studio. He also occasionally competes in local BBQ contests.

You can follow Mack through his Substack Mack’s INNER CIRCLE at mackmunro.substack.com

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About This Book

Chapter 1 - Quit Being Afraid!

Chapter 2 - Acknowledge

Chapter 3 - Planning

Everything we’ve covered to this point is planning and preparation. Using our boxing analogy, think of that time as being in training camp. Training camp is a place to condition and strategize. You’ll do plenty of roadwork and sparring. You’ll watch films of your opponent.

Eventually, you’ll break camp and get to the venue where your fight will be held. By now, the training should have made everything about this fight automatic in your mind. If you trained properly, you’ll almost be fighting on instinct!

Much of what you do in the short period between preparation and presentation has the potential to either ruin your hard work or give you the final “polish” before you present. How you treat yourself during that final day before the presentation could make all the difference in a rousing success, or a less favorable result.

With that in mind, let’s go over some techniques to prepare you for the main event!

Get Some Sleep

I know this is easier said than done. If you’ve been nervous thinking about this day, you’ll probably be too wound up to sleep. However, a good night’s sleep will leave you refreshed and with the ability to get through all your material and make all your points clearly.

Here are a few suggestions for getting a restful night of sleep before the main event:

· Turn the TV off

· Turn your phone off

· Eat a light meal

· No caffeine (this means sodas and chocolate too!)

· No alcohol (yes, this means beer and wine too!)

· No sleeping pills

· Take a hot bath

· Go for a long walk in the early evening

Everything you do the night before should be conflict and stress free. If you always get into arguments with certain people, don’t visit or call them that evening. When you crawl into bed, don’t do your visualization activities, even if they’re totally positive (and they always should be). Relax and do something nice for yourself.

I often get up in the middle of the night before big events. When that happens, I usually start to think about the big event, which gets my mind working, then before I know it, I’ll be wide awake and unable to wind back down and go to sleep. If this happens to you, just get up. Go to your living room, turn the light on, and read a book. You’ll be amazed at how tired you’ll get and before you know it, you’ll get back to bed and fall asleep quickly. If you just can’t seem to relax, get in the shower and get dressed. Your body will adapt to the early hour, and you probably won’t feel tired. If your event is later that evening, you can always take a nap.

Eat Light

Sometimes you’ll be presenting at a lunch or dinner event. Usually, you’ll do your speech either during dessert or shortly after. What you eat during that time is important.

Don’t eat a huge meal. Your body requires energy to digest food. If you’re stuffing yourself with a lot of heavy food, your circulatory system will be working overtime to get digestion going. You need that circulatory system to be flooding your brain!

Try eating fruit, salads or some light pasta. Save the steak and baked potato for your celebration dinner. Avoid spicy or very salty foods. You’ll want to get in front of the crowd feeling your best, not worried about water retention or an upset stomach. Don’t drink a lot of caffeine or alcohol. You don’t want to approach the podium tipsy or with an overactive bladder. Also, don’t drink any carbonated drinks before speaking. You don’t want to be up there in front of everyone burping or getting the hiccups. These same rules apply for meals eaten the night before your presentation. Moderation and discretion are your friends here. Don’t overdo it – feed your brain and it will be there for you the next day!

Don’t Over Train

It’s possible to be TOO prepared. Over training is a common problem with athletes. If you watch a lot of boxing, you’ll hear commentators make remarks that the fighter “left the fight in the gym.”

I’ve worked with enough presenters to see the results of over-preparation. There is a fine balance between knowing your material, and having it so memorized that it becomes flat and uninspiring. Practice is important, but when your coach or the people you work with tell you that “you’ve got it,” then begin to ramp down your preparation. Visualization is enough practice for you at this point.

Visualize Nothing but Positive

This is nothing more than a reminder. Visualize perfection and you can’t help but hit excellence. Refuse to think any negative thoughts. If your preparation was thorough, you’ll do just fine!

Double Check Your Visuals

Your visuals of course should be irrelevant. In other words, people are coming to hear YOU speak, not to see your visuals. However, if you’re going to use them, do one last check to ensure they’re ready as well. Make sure your markers are in your bag if you’re using a flip chart. Double check the version of your PowerPoint® slides and make sure the draft you’re using is the right one. If you’re bringing your own laptop and projector, gather up all the cords, adapters, manuals, recovery disks, and extra bulbs and put them in your car. Make a checklist if that helps. The preparation has paid off – now it’s time to tap into your inner strength and deliver the knockout!

The moments before your big event could be very tense. If you feel your heart racing and your breathing labored, this is normal! Remember the difference between fear and adrenaline? If you’ve prepared well, fear should not exist. Then our goal is to temper the adrenaline, so we don’t get up in front of the audience and finish our 30-minute presentation in five minutes. Try the following techniques to calm yourself down:

Breathe

Correct breathing is key to relaxing and ridding our bodies of toxins and stress. When we inhale, air enters the lungs and eventually makes its way to the cells via the blood stream. When we exhale, we rid the body of carbon dioxide and negative thoughts. Ironically, when we become stressed, we breathe faster and use only 1/3 of our lung capacity. This decrease in oxygen increases stress by contributing to lethargy (increased tiredness), preventing the release of toxins and increasing the workload of other body systems (especially the respiratory, cardiovascular, and nervous system).

Breathing is so automatic that most of us are not aware of how we breathe. Deep breathing (abdominal breathing) is the proper way to breathe. Place your hand on your lower stomach. Your hand should move outward (not your chest) as you inhale. Breathe in as deeply as possible, hold it, and breathe out slowly. Making this a daily practice during non-stressful situations will make this tool available to you during stressful times.

Smile

It takes more facial muscles to frown than it does to smile. Relax your face and the rest of your body by smiling. You’ll feel better about yourself and your audience will get the idea that you’re friendly and happy to be there.

Think Happy Thoughts

As part of your visualization, you should be incorporating the feelings you felt during happy times in your life. Anchor yourself to these good memories and take in the positive power they bring to you.

Think Positive Thoughts

These are not only your happy thoughts, but also the confident, powerful thoughts built through long hours of preparation. If you can think of no other positive thought, then use this one:

If you were asked to speak, somebody thought you were an expert in what you knew. If you asked to speak, YOU thought you were an expert in what you do. Either way, YOU are the expert. Your audience is privileged to hear from YOU!

Enjoy the Moment

This is the moment you stressed over, trained for, and will celebrate from. It’s your moment in the spotlight, perhaps your 15 minutes of fame. Make the most of it – you’ll always think back to this time as one of the great moments in your life!

What Happens Now?

If you’ve done your preparation, know your materials, and are mentally and physically ready, then only one thing CAN happen:

“I’m sitting in the front row, nervously awaiting my turn at the podium. The nervousness though is focused – I’m prepared and I’m ready! I was asked to present in front of this group because I’m an expert in my field. Nobody else knows the subject, they always come to me with questions. My notes are carefully prepared, but I won’t even need them, for I have rehearsed this presentation a hundred times over. There’s no need to worry about the PowerPoint® slides, I don’t have any. My audience wants to hear from me, not a fancy animated word display.

I’m now being introduced. The audience applauds. I make my way to the podium, confidently lay my notes down, and deliver my well-rehearsed opening line. My voice is strong and confident. There is no quivering, no throat clearing, no “ums.” The audience is in my hand. They are putty before me. I’m shaping them with my every word. Each of my points is clear, my illustrations vivid. I make eye contact with all of them. Forget that nonsense about seeing them in their underwear, I see their eyes.

The time passes so quickly up here. I begin to wind down and deliver a powerful conclusion. The audience stands and applauds. The questions and answer period now begins. My audience (yes, they are mine – I molded them with my words) has obviously listened to learn. They ask me questions that appear to be unanswerable to them, but the answers roll off my tongue. Heads nod in approval, and copious notes are taken. I’m the expert and they appreciate my sharing a few moments with them.

Alas, the time is up. Once again, I hear thunderous applause. I quickly and gracefully move off the stage and out the back door. It was an incredible experience!”

A positive, life-changing event just occurred! You are a success. You’ll forever be known as “that great speaker we had at the meeting last year.” Life will be different for you now. People will ask you to help them prepare their presentation. You’ll be asked for help developing visuals. People will want you to critique them. Novice presenters will want you to coach them.

Your schedule will become much busier. People need subject matter experts, particularly those that communicate well. Who knows, maybe you’ll write books and give seminars? The world becomes full of exciting and wonderful opportunities when you master the art of public speaking!

Points to Ponder

1. Did I prepare as much as possible?

2. Am I physically ready to present?

3. Am I mentally ready to present?

4. Did I pack my materials carefully?

5. Am I ready for the new, exciting, and busy life I’ll have after this successful presentation?

About This Book

Chapter 1 - Quit Being Afraid!

Chapter 2 - Acknowledge

Chapter 3: Planning

Zig Ziglar, in his book See You at the Top, recounts the story of an Air Force pilot, Major Nesmith. Nesmith was an average golfer who routinely shot in the high nineties at his favorite course. In the late 1960’s he took a seven-year break from the game. During this time, he became separated from his family and friends, and his health deteriorated. Amazingly, when he resumed playing after his hiatus, he managed to shoot a 74 on his course on the first time back out! How did this happen?

Nesmith was one of many Americans held as a prisoner of war in North Vietnam. During his time in captivity, much of which was spent in solitary confinement, he passed the hours away by returning mentally to that same golf course. He visualized each detail, even down to getting dressed in his golfing clothes. He imagined himself at every tee, played in different weather conditions, and “saw” each ball he hit in real time. Nesmith didn’t miss a detail, even going so far as to coach himself on proper hand placement and swing mechanics. He counted off the steps from the tee box to where his ball was on the fairway.

In seven years, he played a four-hour game every day. During this time, he never missed a shot. Each drive was powerful, straight, and landed exactly where he wanted it. His putting was flawless.

Is it any wonder that he could then come back after that absence and shoot a 74? Of course not! Zig Ziglar points out, “If you want to reach your goal, you must actually “see the reaching” in your own mind before you arrive at the goal.”

Does the same principle work for giving presentations? Of course! The concept of visualizing is nothing new. Athletes have been using it for years. If you’ve ever found yourself daydreaming, or having an “out of body” experience, you’ve been doing it as well.

For our purposes, visualizing is the first step in the Planning process. Most of us visualize backwards! We imagine ourselves in front of the group and picture everything going wrong. Is our poor performance then a self-fulfilling prophecy? It could be. Take a look at the following scenario:

“I’m sitting in the front row, nervously awaiting my turn at the podium. The nervousness though is focused – I’m prepared and I’m ready! I was asked to present in front of this group because I’m an expert in my field. Nobody else knows the subject, they always come to me with questions. My notes are carefully prepared, but I won’t even need them, for I have rehearsed this presentation a hundred times over. There’s no need to worry about the PowerPoint® slides, I don’t have any. My audience wants to hear from me, not a fancy animated word display.

I’m now being introduced. The audience applauds. I make my way to the podium, confidently lay my notes down, and deliver my well-rehearsed opening line. My voice is strong and confident. There is no quivering, no throat clearing, no “ums.” The audience is in my hand. They are putty before me. I’m shaping them with my every word. Each of my points are clear, my illustrations vivid. I make eye contact with all of them. Forget that nonsense about seeing them in their underwear, I see their eyes.

The time passes so quickly up here. I begin to wind down and deliver a powerful conclusion. The audience stands and applauds. The question and answer period now begins. What a wonderful experience. My audience (yes, they are mine – I molded them with my words) has obviously listened to learn. They ask me questions that appear to be unanswerable to them, but the answers roll off my tongue. Heads nod in approval, and copious notes are being taken. I am the expert and they appreciate my sharing a few moments with them.

Alas, the time is up. Once again, I hear thunderous applause. I quickly and gracefully move off the stage and out the back door. It was an incredible experience!”

Does this sound like something you want to experience? If so, let me assure you that it WILL happen! If you visualize your upcoming event using the same technique, you cannot help but have an awesome experience.

However, the visualizing does not itself deliver the knockout. Preparation is imperative. This chapter will take you step by step through the planning and preparation process. Continue to visualize, but let’s start with the basics.

What’s My Goal for This Presentation – And Which Type of Presentation Should I Make?

The first step in preparation is to figure out the end result or the goal. This is probably easy, after all, either you volunteered to speak for a particular reason, or somebody asked you to speak. If the latter was the case, I’m sure you asked, “What exactly are you looking for from my presentation?” Remember, either you asked to speak because you are an expert in the topic, or somebody asked you because they thought you were the expert. In either case, you are in charge – this presentation will be YOUR show, so plan it accordingly.

While most experts give a host of presentation types, I believe they all come down to three main formats. Keeping your goal in mind, choose from the following:

1. Informative

2. Persuasive

3. Teaching/Training

Informative Presentations

Informative presentations serve to share information. Some examples might be:

· Telling employees about a change in benefits

· Informing shareholders of annual profit projections

· Explaining how a construction project will affect traffic and parking

Your goal in an informative presentation is to inform. In its purest form, the informative presentation presents data objectively and without emotion. Informative presentations are probably the most common. We see them everywhere from the White House press briefing room, to our own organizations when the CEO holds a town hall meeting.

There’s no reason to persuade the audience, after all, what you are presenting is usually not up for debate. Of course, this doesn’t mean you can forget about planning and strategy. Secretly, you’re still going to have to employ persuasive strategies. We’ll cover this in a moment.

Persuasive Presentations

Persuasive presentations serve to convince your audience of something and get them moving forward on it. Some examples are:

· Convincing employees that the change in benefits is truly serving their best interest

· Demonstrating to shareholders how your past performance is a good indicator of future success

· Mobilizing employees to voluntarily and cheerfully park offsite or take public transportation during a construction project

Your goal in a persuasive presentation is to mobilize and move the audience forward. It’s designed to convince them that your points are valid, and they should rush to comply. We most often associate persuasive presentations with famous orators like Martin Luther King, Jr. and John F. Kennedy. Consider the following excerpt from this famous persuasive presentation:

“I have a dream that one day the state of Alabama, whose governor’s lips are presently dripping with the words of interposition and nullification, will be transformed into a situation where little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls and walk together as sisters and brothers. I have a dream today. I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight, and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed, and all flesh shall see it together. This is our hope. This is the faith with which I return to the South. With this faith we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope. With this faith we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of brotherhood. With this faith we will be able to work together, to pray together, to struggle together, to go to jail together, to stand up for freedom together, knowing that we will be free one day.”

Martin Luther King, Jr. August 28, 1963

Dr. King’s speech mobilized a nation in pursuit of civil rights. It’s a masterpiece of persuasion. Decades later, it still gives us goose bumps as we view the black and white footage from that summer afternoon. You can almost hear his voice as you walk up the steps to the Lincoln Memorial in Washington, D.C.

Is it possible for you to give a persuasive presentation and have the same impact? Absolutely! We’ll cover how to do it shortly.

Teaching and Training

Teaching and training is the last big category in presentation types. Your goal when teaching and training is to inform specifically, with action to follow. Aside from informative presentations, it’s probably the most common. While they sound the same, teaching and training are quite different from each other. Consider the following examples of teaching:

· Leading your church’s small group in a study of the book of Revelation.

· Lecturing on the principles of organizational behavior to a college class.

· Serving as a tour guide for your senior citizens group’s museum tour.

Teaching covers large-scale overview concepts. It’s like looking at a subject from 35,000 feet. It’s a more detailed version of the informative presentation.

Training is different. Look at the following examples:

· Showing your 16-year-old daughter how to drive a car with a manual transmission.

· Teaching your boss how to add an app to his smart phone.

· Demonstrating the finer points of housecleaning to your husband.

Training serves to impart a particular skill set to the audience. It’s more common in small groups or maybe one-to-one, but you may find yourself giving an actual training session to a large group.

So, Establish Your Goal!

The type of presentation you’re making should help you decide the goal. In the education world, we often use learning objectives as the goal:

“By the end of this presentation, the audience will know how to…”

If you don’t have objectives to use, then query the person who asked you to give the presentation. If they don’t have anything specific in mind, you may have to set your own goals. It may be a good idea to work on some visualization. Imagine yourself in front of the audience again. Try to picture which part of the presentation gets them excited. If your goal is to inform, think about some ways to do MORE than inform – inspire them as well. If you have to persuade them, focus on the most positive points of the topic and build on them. If you have to teach or train, try to think of the most difficult parts of the subject and imagine some creative ways to talk about them. A good goal is the starting point, not the end point, on the road to presentation success!

Points to Ponder

1. What type of presentation will I be giving: Informative, Persuasive, or Teaching/Training?

2. Do I have a specific goal for this presentation?

3. If I have free reign over this presentation, which goal should I choose?

4. If I have been handed a set of expectations and a goal, how can I best work within them while still adding my own personality and creativity?

5. How well do I know my audience?

6. What do I know about my audience?

Know Your Audience!

Remember our analogy of a fighter in training? After learning our own style, we then must figure out the style of our opponent. Sometimes we learn it through a trainer, other times we might view highlights of their previous fights. There are of course some occasions where we might not know anything about our opponent but will have to adapt in the ring.

For presentation purposes, knowing our audience is incredibly helpful, but not always possible. If we have access to someone who knows the audience, we can get the information from them. Sometimes (although I strongly encourage you NOT to) we just have to “wing it.”

Knowing the audience sounds difficult but really involves finding out just four things about the audience: learning style, values, attitudes, and beliefs. We’ll break each one down individually.

Learning Styles

Learning theories abound and anyone in the education field no doubt has their favorite. I chose one of the easier-to-understand theories to help you grasp just some main points as you try to figure out the best way to reach an audience.

In 1982, Peter Honey and Alan Mumford classified adult learners in one of four ways:

Can you identify your learning preference from those four styles? Your learning style will certainly influence your presentation style, much like your personality preferences will. Additionally, it’s important to realize your audience may all be listening to you, while learning from you in their own way. With that in mind, let’s look at each one and develop some strategies to best appeal to them.

The Activist

Activists prefer a learning environment of “hands on.” These are usually the folks that dig their new electronic gadget out of the box and immediately begin trying to hook it up. For them, the instruction manual is just a formality. They prefer to learn about their product by playing with it. Instruction manuals usually come later, and only if the activist gets totally stuck.

You may have some activists in your audience, so it’s important to include, if possible, a few activities that will engage them during your presentation:

· Dialog and brainstorming

· Group discussions

· Competition

· Role playing

While you may not have the flexibility to engage the activists in your audience, it may be helpful to at least make your presentation somewhat interactive so as not to lose them.

The Reflector

Reflectors are a nervous presenter’s best audience! They prefer to sit back and listen, then have some interactive activities to observe. If you decide to have an interactive presentation, use your activists to run the simulation, and have the reflectors be your observers. Most of the time, they will sit quietly and listen to you.

Reflectors are part of any audience, so you might want to be prepared for them by including some of the following activities if possible:

· Panel discussions

· Self-analysis and personality questionnaires

· Coaching and interviewing

· Observing activities

Even with an interactive presentation, you can still engage a reflector. We’ll cover some strategies later that will help you tailor to their needs.

The Theorist

Theorists are the audience members that make the unprepared speaker crash and burn. A theorist wants to know the details and, in many cases, might be listening to refute. However, if you are completely prepared, and have mastered your subject, the theorists are a very rewarding group to speak to!

To connect to the theorists in your audience, you should include lots of the following in your presentation:

· Statistics

· Stories

· Quotations

· Background information

· Models

Remember, you were selected to present most likely because you’re an expert in your subject. The theorists are waiting to hear from experts and if you prepare, you won’t disappoint them.

The Pragmatist

Pragmatists are the thinking version of the activists. They too are very hands-on, but for them, they must get all the information first and feel comfortable with it before diving in.

Activities that appeal to pragmatists are:

· Case studies

· Problem solving activities

· Discovery

· Time to think about how to apply the learning in reality

If you want to make your pragmatists happy, you must show them the relevance of your topic and give them an opportunity to answer the question, “what’s in it for me?”

So, What Should My Strategy Be?

Values and attitudes as we’ll see shortly have a big role in the audience but let me give you some tips on handling the four learning styles. This alone can help you better reach and hold your audience.

Let’s assume an audience of 100 is equally divided into the four learning styles. You can easily take care of the activists by having copies of your materials and slides available before you begin. Remember, the activists tend to dive right in so as you begin the presentation, they are probably leafing through the materials and slides, far ahead of where you might be talking.

Your reflectors will be sitting back listening. Remember, they take in information and process it slowly. While some of them may appear uninterested, they’re probably listening intently in their own fashion.

Your theorists and pragmatists should be the focus of your presentation. Remember, theorists prefer to hear the facts, figures, details, and maybe the supporting data. Pragmatists want to know “what’s in it for them.” These two groups are diametrically opposed, which means you have to speak to both. It sounds impossible, but really, it’s quite simple. Toggle between each main point with a theorist/pragmatist focus. For example:

Theorist View:

“According to Carl Jung, human beings are predisposed to certain attitudes and functions. We are either born introverted or extraverted, or thinking and feeling. This should be paramount when designing incentive programs for employees.”

Pragmatist View:

“So, what am I saying here? If we are born a certain way, the chances of us changing when we enter an organization are slim. Be sure you get to know your people and what motivates them before you start handing out rewards.”

I’m not repeating myself, just paraphrasing my statement to get the attention of the pragmatists. Remember, pragmatists are looking for the bottom line. They want enough information to get them out the door to test it and make sure it works.

While it may seem cumbersome, with practice it becomes quite natural. You don’t need to paraphrase every statement, just the key points. These two groups will be the most vocal, both verbally and non-verbally so be sure to tune into them when speaking. If you do this right, the only folks who will ask questions at the end will be the reflectors. Be prepared to answer questions from all areas of your presentation (we’ll cover that a little later in the book) and be patient with the activists who ask questions that you’ve already answered three times. Remember, they have probably spent most of the time reading ahead.

Final Thoughts on Learning Styles

We rarely have a choice in selecting our audiences. You may know many of the people who will be listening to you but perhaps have never thought about their personality preferences or their learning style. If you’ve ever experienced a time where a presentation put you to sleep, it may have been because it didn’t strike your learning style. Now that you know, be sure to at least try to cater to each of the four styles in some way. We’ll talk about that a little later in the book.

Values and Attitudes

There are two other important areas to consider when planning to connect with your audience. Aside from personality and learning style, each member of your audience carries deeply rooted values and somewhat transparent attitudes. While they are somewhat similar concepts, each one has a uniqueness that at least bears some consideration. Failure to consider them could spell disaster – which you’ll experience during your question-and-answer period!

Values

Values are the tenants each of us operate by. Values are essentially the very last thing you would ever give up. What we hold on to dearest is a good indicator of where our “heart” lies. Here’s another way to look at it. Whenever we “draw a line in the sand,” everything on our side of the line probably is, or directly relates, to our values. We forbid anyone to cross over and tamper with them.

Values lay the foundation for the understanding of attitudes and motivation because they influence our perceptions. What we see as right and wrong is merely external data measured against our value systems.

When we speak to an audience, not only do we need to concern ourselves with their personality and learning styles, but we also need to think about their values. If our topic even remotely touches on religion or politics, we open ourselves up to the possibility of crossing someone’s “line in the sand.” Both topics are heavily rooted in individual values.

Attitudes

If values are the core motivators in individuals, then attitudes are the end results visible to the rest of us. We’ve often heard someone referred to as “having an attitude”, but what does that really mean? To understand attitudes, we must carefully consider the value system, for attitudes are the statements or behaviors that flow from them.

We’ve already talked about the deeply rooted values each of us carries. Regardless of where they came from, they influence much of our lives. Attitudes then, reflect how we feel about something. I like to refer to attitudes as “values with legs.” They are the action component and are expressed cognitively (through opinions), affectively (through emotions), or behaviorally (through actions).

While values usually remain unchanged as we age, attitudes are more fluid. In fact, many different stimuli and environments influence them. Most radio and television ads work hard to change your attitude, knowing full well that your values probably won’t budge.

What does this mean for you as a presenter? You can certainly try to appeal to your audience to change their attitude, but you’ll need to keep their value systems in mind. Persuasive presentations need to make full use of appealing to change attitudes without attempting to alter values.

Why Bother with All This Touchy-Feely Stuff?

Planning to connect with the audience is key. You may be able to “wing it” with other parts of the presentation and get away with it, but don’t attempt to do it here. Any bad experiences you may have had before could have come from not knowing your audience and appealing to just one small part of them. If you have any opportunity to find out about the audience in advance, please take advantage of it. It’s the only way to guarantee success, and it’s crucial when planning your presentation outline.

Points to Ponder

1. When thinking about prior presentations, can I identify people I know by their learning style?

2. Which learning style do I have?

3. Which learning style can I connect with the easiest?

4. What strategies can I work on in order to reach the other three learning styles?

5. What are my values and attitudes?

Getting Down to Business – Planning the Presentation Outline

So far, we’ve spent a lot of time thinking about the type of presentation we’ll do, our goal for the presentation, and the audience who will listen to the presentation. Now it’s time to start assembling our materials. The best way to begin is with an outline.

All of us probably remember outlining speeches in middle school and high school. We often transferred that information onto 3x5 note cards. The purpose of that exercise was to help us organize our thoughts and materials.

This method works just as well today! Think of your outline as the skeleton on which you’ll build your entire presentation.

What Makes Up The Outline?

An outline consists of four main sections:

1. The Objective

2. The Introduction

3. The Body

4. The Conclusion

The body itself may have several points underneath, but for right now let’s figure out what goes specifically under the four main sections. How do you figure out what goes where? There is an easy formula to use:

1. Know what you’re planning to tell them

2. Tell them what you’re going to tell them.

3. Tell them

4. Tell them what you just told them

Sound simple enough? It really IS that simple! Of course, we have to flesh out that skeleton a bit, but if we keep these four ideas in mind, we can’t go wrong.

The Objective

By now, you should already know what your objective would be. We covered this in the section about presentation goals. Think about your presentation and develop a goal or objective for it:

· By the end of this presentation, the audience will understand the four dichotomies of the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator ®

· The goal of this presentation is to build a case for additional funding for the PTA

· My objective is to convince the group that The Rock is the greatest wrestler of all time

If you get the objective developed, the remaining steps should be fairly easy.

If your objective is achievable, and in some cases measurable, the rest of the process should go rather easily.

The Introduction – Telling Them What You’re Going to Tell Them

Next to the objective, the introduction is the most important part of the presentation. The introduction sets the stage for the rest of the presentation. Additionally, it accomplishes the following:

You Capture the Listener’s Attention

Depending on the setting, your audience may not be completely focused on your presentation. This is particularly true if you must present first thing in the morning or shortly after lunch. If you launch into the body of your presentation without a strong introduction, they may not have an idea where you want to take them and might miss some very important information early on.

You Give the Audience a Reason to Listen

A strong introduction gets your audience’s attention and builds the case for why your material is unique and important. Without the introduction, they may not grasp who YOU are and why YOUR material is worth listening to.

You Set the Proper Tone for the Topic and Setting

Regardless of your topic, proper tone helps an audience decide which “ear” to listen with. If your presentation is designed to be serious, they need to know before you get into the material. If it’s of a lighthearted nature, they probably need to know it’s ok to laugh now and then. The introduction gives them clear direction on the tone and setting so they can prepare accordingly.

You Establish Your Qualifications

Earlier in the book, we mentioned that in most cases, you are asked to speak because you are an expert. Your audience probably assumes that, and so for the sake of the theorists who may be in attendance, an introduction is your chance to state your qualifications. Maximizing your credibility is crucial – we’ll cover that shortly.

You Introduce Your Objective and Preview the Presentation

For the sake of your pragmatist and reflector friends, it’s always a good idea to open with an overview of what you’re going to cover. You may also want to begin with a statement addressing the length of the presentation as well:

“For the next 40 minutes, I want to build the case for additional PTA funding.”

Most people like to know how long you’ll be presenting – and will let you know when your time is nearly up. We’ll cover these non-verbal indicators later.

How do you deliver a strong introduction? It’s quite important, but fortunately you have many choices when opening a presentation. Look at the following suggestions for some opening statements.

The introduction is your one and only chance to grab the audience’s attention, so it’s important to do it right. Look at the following strategies and see which ones appeal to you, and which ones you can comfortably and effectively open with.

Asking a Question

The late Andy Rooney of the TV show 60 Minutes began most of his commentaries with a question: “Have you ever wondered they lock the bathrooms at the gas station? What, are they afraid someone is going to break in and clean it?”

His purpose was to get us focused and thinking about his topic. Much of what he commented on seemed trivial, but with an opening question, it makes us take a second to consider, and by then he’s already moving through his material and we decide to listen in.

Telling a Story

Storytelling is becoming a study and art of its own. Organizations use storytelling to convey the history and values it cherishes. Parents do it as a way to impart family traditions.

In an introduction, storytelling is a way to draw the audience in and grab their attention. Be sure your story is short, relevant, and non- controversial. It won’t help if your story either puts the audience to sleep or causes them to leave the room. More on stories later in this book.

Giving a Quotation

Reflectors and pragmatists love quotations. A good quotation can intrigue the audience, affirm your argument in advance, or help them connect the topic to something they believe in. Quotations from experts in your industry or organization are helpful too.

Some examples are:

“A wise man once said, if you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got.” (and then follow with a statement about the change you are trying to persuade the audience for)

“I remember kind of picking my head up from the mat and saying to the referee ‘Tell him not to touch me, I can’t move’.” (and then make the case that while professional wrestling is entertainment, serious injuries can occur)

Be sure when appropriate to cite your source and also make sure you state the quote correctly and source correctly.

Making a Startling Statement

I began this book with a startling statement:

Speaking in front of a crowd scares me. Before each speech I give, workshop I facilitate, or class I teach, I secretly hope that nobody shows up.

My whole point was to get your attention, and since you’re still reading now, I guess it worked.

Startling statements are most effective when they relate directly to the topic. Look at the following:

“I believe that by the year 2030, we won’t have smart phones, instead, people will have their devices embedded into their brain” (and then make the case for increased use of segmentation for marketing your company’s product)

“By the time I finish this presentation, 20 people will have died because of lung cancer” (and then make the case for a smoking cessation program at your organization)

Startling statements can shock your audience to attention. Using a strategically placed “pause” helps too. Just be sure your facts are correct in case your Theorists fact check you in real time.

Referring to the Audience

Audiences pay better attention when they know the presentation is designed for them. It’s the same reason we relate better to people who remember our name or something about us.

Referring to the audience can be as simple as just acknowledging they are in the room. You might say something like:

“It seems like just yesterday all of you were here listening to me drone on and on about the budget. Well because of your enduring that speech, I have some wonderful news to share about the results of your efforts.”

“Every time I get asked to attend a presentation from a motivational speaker, I always wonder what we are doing wrong. Well, let me put your fears to rest by assuring you that we are here to celebrate your achievements”

The eternal question for an audience is “What’s in it for me?” Referring to them in the introduction answers that question and ensures they stay with you until the end.

Referring to the Occasion

Sometimes the occasion is obvious, but by referring to the occasion in the introduction, you appear to understand and know the audience. If you’ve been asked to speak for somebody else’s organization, referring to the occasion lets the crowd see that you care enough to know a little about them.

Start with a statement such as:

“I’m pleased and honored to speak to you on this momentous occasion, the 25th anniversary of your merger with XYZ Corporation”

“Taking a risk with a new product is a scary prospect. You defied the odds, and now, at the 10-year celebration of your company, let me tell you how honored I am to celebrate with you.”

Be gracious, be honest, and most of all, be sincere. Your audience will see right through you if you’re not.

Using Humor

“An effective way to connect with your audience is to use humor. Don’t be afraid to make yourself the object of a humorous story... mildly self-deprecating humor is disarming. Also, choose language that is easily understandable. Your goal is not to impress but to communicate! This does not mean talking down to your audience but instead including them by defining any terms that may be technical or unfamiliar to them. If your audience feels comfortable with you rather than intimidated by you, they are more likely to get the most from your presentation, and you will have accomplished your goal.”

Georgia Riojas Riverside, CA

Used correctly, humor is a powerful connector. As Georgia (who happened to be my 12th grade creative writing and speech teacher) mentioned above, humor is disarming, which is helpful if you’re concerned about a hostile audience, and it makes the audience feel comfortable. Either way, you’ll be more effective at getting your point across to them.

However, humor used incorrectly, specifically if done through joke telling, can destroy not only your presentation, but your credibility as well.

In workshops, I’m often asked what an appropriate joke might be. My answer is that no matter what the joke is, there is always the chance you’ll offend somebody.

Question: “What’s black and white and red all over?

Answer: “A skunk with diaper rash.”

Could that joke offend somebody? Of course, it could be parents of infants, animal lovers, or anyone who may not share that sense of humor. My point is always the same: If a joke even has a remote chance of offending, are you willing to take the risk to tell it? And even if it doesn’t offend, is it really the best way to kick off a presentation?

It’s better to use a humorous story that ties directly to the topic. For example, if you were doing a presentation on filling out tax forms correctly and ethically, it may be appropriate to share the story of someone who tried to list their goldfish as a dependent. If you’re speaking to a group and are the expert in your field, try telling a funny story about when you made a major mistake (assuming you think it’s funny and aren’t still suffering the consequences).

Enough can go wrong during a presentation. Do yourself a favor and use humor appropriately and sparingly – save the jokes for Impromptu Night at the local comedy club. It’s customary to offend your audience there.

Points to Ponder

1. Am I confident enough about my objective to build my presentation on it?

2. Which of the introductory statements or strategies am I most comfortable using?

3. Is humor appropriate with the group I’ll be speaking to?

What Else Can I Do to Make A Great Introduction?

Maximize your credibility. Think about it. Your audience wants to hear from an expert. You must be an expert if you were asked to speak. The task now becomes to show the audience your credentials without having to refer them to your biography. Here are some suggestions:

Demonstrate Your Competence

You must be at least a little competent if you were asked to speak. It’s up to you to show the audience why you were chosen. Perhaps you might mention research you’ve done or certifications you’ve achieved. Maybe your position in the organization is one that through title alone sets you apart as an expert.

But people want to see results. It might be helpful to list achievements or results. The person introducing you can let the audience know this, so it won’t appear as if you’re bragging. Having some of your publications handy will work – maybe you can refer them to a website or mention your article in a recent periodical. Be sure to do it humbly, yet confidently.

Earn the Trust of Your Audience

Trust is difficult to gain and easy to lose. Typically, trust is based on values. We spent some time talking about values and attitudes earlier – you may want to re-read that portion.

People will trust you if you give them enough reason to. Perhaps you might relay an incident or example of something trustworthy you’ve done in your field. If you can’t think of one, relay the story of somebody else the audience knows and relates to, then affirm that story by showing your particular agreement with that person. By identifying credibly with trustworthy people, you can reap the benefit of that same trust.

Don’t break this trust. If, after the presentation, you’re caught doing the opposite of what you talked about, that and any subsequent presentations will forever be tarnished.

Emphasize Your Similarity to the Audience

Opposites may attract, but similarities hold us together over time. Audiences are more interested in how well you relate to them in order for them to believe what you’re telling them will work.

There are several ways to do this. Take a look at the following examples:

“Wow, I guess I’m the last speaker of the day. Can one of you keep an eye on the time for me? There’s nothing worse than getting stuck in rush hour traffic and I’ll be on the beltway right behind you.”

“I don’t know about all of you, but I’m sure looking forward to lunch. As the last speaker before lunch, I’ll be sure we finish on time so we all have plenty of time to eat.”

“Wow, is anyone’s backside as sore as mine? Sitting in presentations can really drain your energy. I promise to make my remarks brief and to the point.”

Can an audience identify with that? Of course! We all get hungry, antsy, sore, and tired. The speaker merely affirms what they are all saying in their heads:

“Oh no, I hope he doesn’t run us late – the traffic is horrible around here.”

“Gosh I’m hungry – sure hope she doesn’t run us into our lunch hour.”

“My ass hurts – I wish we could take a stretch break – I hope he talks fast!”

Be a friend to your audience and show your similarities. It’s ok to be human, even if you are the expert!

Increase Your Appeal to the Audience

Everything above will help you appeal to the audience, but there are five additional ways you can increase your favorability with them:

1. Demonstrate Self-awareness – this is exhibited by self-confidence, a realistic self-assessment, and a self-deprecating sense of humor.

2. Demonstrate Self-management – You’ll see this in a speaker’s trustworthiness, integrity, optimism, and organizational commitment.

3. Demonstrate Self-motivation – Those who defy the odds inspire people. Show your audience that you have a strong desire to achieve, are optimistic, and committed to the organization.

4. Demonstrate Empathy – Empathy is different than sympathy. A sympathetic statement might be, “gee, I’m sorry.” An empathetic statement would be, “that’s terrible – can I do anything to help?”

5. Demonstrate Social Skills – Social skills are nothing more than mastering verbal and non-verbal communication. This enhances your ability to be persuasive, and to build coalitions around commitment.

Are all of these possible to demonstrate during the introduction alone? I believe they are! We communicate so much through non- verbal language. Each of the above can be demonstrated through facial expression, tone of voice, eye contact, and a host of other methods. Your audience is sharp – they’ll be able to spot it so work on these non-verbal parts of your presentation as well.

Demonstrate Sincerity

In America, we suffer from an epidemic of over-flattery. If you work in politics, entertainment, or really most other fields, the facades abound. It’s difficult to find the sincerity in the syrup.

Your audience wants sincerity. Don’t start off by telling them they are the best audience you’ve ever spoke to – they won’t believe you, particularly if you’ve used that line before and somebody in the audience heard it.

Sincerity means that you’re not perfect and don’t claim to be. It means that you’ll share stories of when you failed. You’ll communicate it when you identify and empathize with them. Sincerity will cause the audience to overlook mistakes in your presentation. In a world of fluff, we are all searching for reality.

Wow, can you believe everything we just talked about was just for the introduction? The introduction is crucial. If you get it right, the presentation will flow smoothly. If you goof it up, you may never recover. Be sure to spend some time planning your introduction.

Points to Ponder

1. Am I credible?

2. What can I do personally to increase my credibility?

3. What common experiences do I share with my audience?

4. In what ways can I ensure the audience believes in me?

After finishing the objective and introduction, you need to think about organizing the body of your presentation.

The Body – Tell Them What You Want to Tell Them

After figuring out the objective and designing a strong introduction, it’s time to give them the information. Using our earlier saying, this is where you tell them.

Your presentation body is made up of one or more points, with supporting information to follow. Each main point can be a different focus for you and is a logical point in the presentation for a transition.

By keeping a focused, step-by-step outline, you’ll have an easier time organizing your material, creating your handouts, and arranging your visual aids. Just use any outline format you’re comfortable with. Don’t be afraid to start with a big, detailed one. This is how you’ll plan the entire body so you can fine-tune later.

We’ll revisit the body of the presentation when we look at planning visual aids. But let’s take a moment to take a look at communicating within the body of the presentation.

You told them what you were going to tell them, NOW TELL THEM!

Working the Body – The Informative Presentation

Let’s begin our discussion of the body by focusing on the informative presentation. Remember, informative presentations are designed to share information. The information here also works when teaching and training. Remember, in that type of presentation, your goal is to inform specifically, with action to follow.

When presenting to inform, brevity and clarity are key. Style is important, but not at the expense of substance. Here are four helpful hints when doing an informative presentation.

Cover Only Necessary Information

Think back to our discussion of personality types. We mentioned the function of information gathering and how a preference for Sensing necessitated a “here and now” approach while iNtuition enjoys a discussion of the contributing factors and other possibilities. You’ll need to decide how much information is necessary in order to satisfy both. Remember, the informative presentation doesn’t have to convince or persuade, so focus on what’s necessary to make your point.

From a learning style perspective, remember that pragmatists and theorists need different information. This requires a balance between the theory and the practical. You’ll have to look at the outline and decide which points need to be made so you won’t bore part of the audience in order to reach the other parts.

Link the Topic to the Audience

When informing, be sure the audience has a reason to listen. Once again, asking the question, “what’s in it for me?” from their perspective is helpful. Your pragmatists want to know how this topic can be applied, and the activists are already doing it in their mind, so be ready to address the impact of your subject right away.

Link the Unfamiliar to the Familiar

This is truly the secret to successful communication. Of course, you won’t be able to do this if you haven’t taken the time to know who your audience is. Can you see why knowing your audience before the presentation is so important?

If your goal is to inform, be sure your audience can relate to the topic. If the topic is totally new to them, try using techniques that will link what they don’t know, to what they do know.

“Use the power of metaphor to puzzle your audience and have them think about your topic. Search hard and creatively to find an example that engages your audience by hooking them with something they recognize, but at the same time intrigues them with something unexplained.

At a meeting with a very diverse group meeting for the first time I was at a loss for a way to create a theme. I hit on the idea of ‘weaving a blanket’ that took their diverse experiences and backgrounds and compared them to threads woven together by their interaction at the meeting. Meeting and talking, sharing a common experience together at the meeting created a virtual “blanket” - surrounding everyone, keeping them warm, safe and secure and providing lasting value. Avoid tired examples like ‘home runs’, ‘outside the box’ and ‘blocking and tackling.’ Biology (and other sciences) provides a rich source, but seek out ideas from other cultures, history, anthropology and biographies etc. Old ways of thinking can be shaken up by freshness from an unfamiliar parallel.

Make your metaphor come to life, by rehearsing with cue cards that have “bullets” to lay out the structure of your ideas. Each bullet is a paragraph that you have internalized.”

Stuart Wilkinson, Memphis, TN

Having listened to many of Stuart’s presentations (he was my old Boss back in 1999), I can tell you his use of the metaphor was and is very effective. Look at the next example from the Bible.

While Paul was waiting for them in Athens, he was greatly distressed to see that the city was full of idols.

So he reasoned in the synagogue with the Jews and the God-fearing Greeks, as well as in the marketplace day by day with those who happened to be there.

A group of Epicurean and Stoic philosophers began to dispute with him. Some of them asked, “What is this babbler trying to say?” Others remarked, “He seems to be advocating foreign gods.” They said this because Paul was preaching the good news about Jesus and the Resurrection.

Then they took him and brought him to a meeting of the Areopagus, where they said to him, “May we know what this new teaching is that you are presenting?

You are bringing some strange ideas to our ears, and we want to know what they mean.”

(All the Athenians and the foreigners who lived there spent their time doing nothing but talking about and listening to the latest ideas.)

Paul then stood up in the meeting of the Areopagus and said: “Men of Athens! I see that in every way you are very religious.

For as I walked around and looked carefully at your objects of worship, I even found an altar with this inscription: TO AN UNKNOWN GOD. Now what you worship as something unknown I am going to proclaim to you.

Acts 17:16-23

This is a great story and a wonderful example of linking unfamiliar to familiar. In this story, Paul is trying to get his message across to the wise Greek philosophers. Talk about a difficult audience. These people were f*****g academics! Stoics were concerned with getting meaning from life through minimalism and living without pleasure, while Epicureans advocated pleasure over all else. Neither audience would have related to Paul’s message of the Gospel as it was typically preached, so he does it by reaching them on their level. Paul appears to think well on his feet doesn’t he? I think it’s a great strategy, referencing their unknown god. If something is unknown, and you appear to know about it, you’re automatically the expert. Greek philosophers obviously valued the opinions of experts.

Was he successful? Take a look:

When they heard about the resurrection of the dead, some of them sneered, but others said, “We want to hear you again on this subject.

At that, Paul left the Council.

A few men became followers of Paul and believed. Among them was Dionysius, a member of the Areopagus, also a woman named Damaris, and a number of others.

Looks like it worked! Do you think the Greek philosophers would have listened to his regular sermon and understood? Probably not. And remember, some of the philosophers wanted to hear him speak again. It’s always nice to be asked back by your audience.

How can you learn to come up with creative stories and metaphors? It may come natural to iNtuitive personalities, but for others it takes work. Consider practicing your presentation in front of several diverse groups and ask for their feedback and ideas. You might also want to do some reading, not just textbooks, but maybe some poetry or fiction. Pay attention to the author’s style and the way they use words. You might get some unique and effective ideas for use in your own presentation.

Involve the Audience

Involving the audience to participate in the presentation is another way to ensure the information sinks in. Remember, your activists are already doing it, and the pragmatists are just itching to see how your information really works. Try a few of the following suggestions to get your audience involved:

· Case studies

· Problem solving

· Brainstorming

· Discussions

· Role playing

The location and venue may not make this possible, but when you can, try to provide at least one activity that meets the needs of your activists and pragmatists.

Working the Body – The Persuasive Presentation

Persuasive presentations work a little differently than informative. Persuasive presentations serve to convince your audience of something and get them moving forward on it.

Your goal in a persuasive presentation is to mobilize and move the audience forward. It’s designed to convince them that your points are valid, and they should rush to comply. You may do a little informing, but ultimately, the goal is to move the audience to action. Providing information alone, even if you use creative metaphors and stories, won’t necessarily cause the group to take action.

Here are some strategies for an effective persuasive presentation:

Appeal to the Needs of the Audience

In 1954, Abraham Maslow reasoned that human beings go through life in a quest to satisfy needs. He listed five of them in the hierarchy.

1. Physiological – hunger, thirst, shelter, sex

2. Safety – security and protection from physical and emotional harm

3. Love – affection, belongingness, acceptance, and friendship4. Esteem – internal esteem factors such as self- respect, autonomy, and achievement as well as external factors such as status, recognition, and attention

5. Self-actualization – the drive to become what we are capable of (growth, achieving potential, self- fulfillment)

As humans achieve satisfaction at one level, the goal becomes realizing the next level. Sometimes though, a lower order need may re- emerge, throwing off the entire sequence. Let’s say for example that I have achieved the Esteem level. I’m a Vice President of a large department, have the great pay, benefits, and respect as well as all the perks such as a parking space, key to the executive bathroom, etc. Then one day I lose my job. This pushes me all the way down the pyramid as I struggle to not only re-achieve my esteem needs, but even the more lower order needs such as paying the mortgage. Suddenly, that close parking space and fancy bathroom doesn’t mean quite as much! My immediate goal becomes one of survival.

So how does impact you as a presenter? If you’re doing a persuasive presentation, try to gauge what specific needs your audience has. Your goal is to convince them of something; tie it into one of Maslow’s levels. If the presentation is supposed to convince them a change in HR policy is good, link it to perhaps their safety and security need. For presentations that focus on new opportunities or challenges, perhaps you can tie it into achieving esteem or self- actualization needs. Remember, if Maslow is correct, then everyone, including you, is on a quest to achieve self-actualization. Consider their needs as you develop your persuasive strategy.

Have a Realistic Goal

Dreaming is a great thing! Setting incredible goals and achieving them is even better. Nobody should tell you to think small and think realistically. When giving a persuasive presentation however, being realistic is important.

Having a realistic goal in a persuasive presentation means that what you set out to achieve is achievable. It may not happen immediately, but at least the audience has all the facts, and enough motivation to get started.

Convincing an audience is no easy task. Even the Apostle Paul in the earlier example didn’t convert all the Greek philosophers, but that didn’t keep him from trying. He also didn’t leave the Areopagus angry and discouraged. His goal was realistic – to present the material the best way he could and celebrate the result, regardless of the outcome. Martin Luther King, Jr. didn’t find civil rights immediately improved when he stepped down from Lincoln Memorial in 1963, but the momentum was started.

We can learn much from these examples. Dream big – but realize that big dreams are achieved at times with “baby steps.” Prepare to inform and motivate your audience but understand that initial actions may be small and sometimes unnoticeable. A realistic goal is to just get the process moving.

Defer the Thesis with a Hostile Audience

Not every audience will be excited to hear from you. In fact, they might even know exactly what you’re going to present, and planning to listen with a closed mind. All the preparation with personality awareness, learning style, etc. won’t prevent pre-conceived notions from appearing.

Does this mean you should fake an illness and not show up? Of course not! You’ll just need to change your tactics. In our outline, we said to tell the audience what we’re going to tell them, tell them, then tell them what we just told them. With a hostile audience, it’s best not to tell them what you’re going to tell them. After all, they probably know it anyway. Defer that statement until later, or don’t use it at all. What does this mean?

If an audience is hostile or potentially hostile, you can bet it’s because something is going to be changed for them. People are usually reluctant to change, even if it’s for something better. Your job is to convince them the change is good. Remember our discussion of Maslow and the needs. You might want to try addressing those needs, and then subtly introduce the change as meeting or acknowledging the need. Your goal is to take the hostile energy from the audience otherwise they won’t listen anyway. Use a good introduction with a story or quote; disarm them through some interesting facts or figures. When the initial adrenaline is expended from the audience, you’ll have a much easier time getting your information out. Defer or eliminate divulging your thesis with a hostile audience.

Present Ample Information to Support Your Claims

All adult learners want information. They may each process it differently, but statements without information won’t convince them of anything.

Your information may come in the form of visuals, handouts, references, or through your verbal presentation. Be sure you have facts and figures to back up each of your claims. A statement of greatness becomes just another opinion without some data to prove it.

We’ll revisit this when we talk later about effective visual aids.

Consider Citing Opposing Ideas

Again, your audience isn’t stupid. If your topic is controversial, they probably have lots of data to refute it. Why not take away their momentum by citing that very data? It will give you instant credibility for several reasons.

First, you’ll appear to be extremely prepared. Anyone can gather enough information to support their own claims, but it’s impressive to see someone that took the time to get the opposing data as well.

Secondly, you’ll appear to be objective. Objective people look at all sides of an issue with an open mind. By addressing the opposing views, you’ll show the audience that you’ve weighed the facts and figures and know what you‘re talking about.

Finally, you’ll appear courageous. People are attracted to those who face adversity head on. If you address opposing views, the audience sees that you don’t run from danger and are capable of handling it.

Always prepare for an audience that knows more than you do. Good preparation, and studying all sides of the issue, will give you a very strong chance of convincing them.

Adapt to the Cultural Style of the Audience

Human nature tells us to like what we know and understand. When it comes to people, we are most comfortable dealing with people who are like us.

In 1996, I attended a concert at a county fair in Puyallup, Washington. The headliner was country music star John Michael Montgomery and there were two opening acts, one of which was an established group with significant airplay, Ricochet, and a newcomer named Kevin Sharpe. Kevin Sharpe came out dressed in a Seattle Mariners baseball jersey and completely appealed to the Washington crowd in every way. He referenced their weather, their culture, and their sports teams – essentially making Washington HIS home state. The crowd loved it and him. He played several encores, and nobody wanted him to leave.

When Ricochet followed him, the energy was gone. There was no local appeal, just the feeling that this group was a bigger star and we were privileged to listen to them. In fact, when they finished and left the stage, there was no chant for an encore, but the band reappeared in about a minute as if there was a call for one. It was the strangest thing I had ever seen at a concert and a constant reminder how important it is to acknowledge and appreciate an audience. Adapting to their cultural style is very important.

How can you do it? Again, do your research. Find out what your audience is interested in. Do some research on the dress code and other cultural issues. Find out what the buzzwords are. Ask beforehand what major issues this group has faced. Figure out what their hot buttons are so you don’t push them.

Final Thoughts on the Presentation Body

The body makes up the bulk of your presentation. Your introduction opens the door, but the information in the body is really what the audience comes for. Be sure the body is thorough, concise, addresses all the points, and is deliverable in the amount of time allotted. Your visual aids, if any, will be most effective here.

Once you’ve delivered the material, only one step remains – the conclusion!

The Conclusion – Telling Them What You Just Told Them

It’s almost over! You’ve developed a strong objective, started off with a great introduction, and organized a structured, well-thought out body. All that’s left is to wrap it up and go home.

The conclusion is your opportunity to make a lasting final impression with your audience. It’s a way to wrap up your material in a neat package with a fancy ribbon. A weak conclusion waters down your message. No conclusion leaves an audience feeling uncertain and wondering what happens next.

The Transition

As important as the conclusion itself is the transition to the conclusion. People like to know when it’s safe to close their notes and look at their watches. Hopefully, if you told them in the introduction…

“For the next 20 minutes, I’d like to convince you that The Rock is the greatest wrestler of all time”

…you stuck to that time frame. Your audience will hold you to your word and punish you with negative body language if you fail to live up to it.

It’s helpful to let them know the end is near. Here are some suggestions:

· “And in conclusion…”

· “Finally, let me say that…”

· “As we wrap up this presentation, let me say…”

Be sure to practice this transition! Too much formality makes it sound fake; too little may cause the audience to miss it.

Once the transition is made, it’s time to wrap it up and hit the road. Here are some good ways to conclude your presentation:

Give a Review

We said earlier the conclusion was telling the audience what you just told them. You could conclude by doing a quick review of the body. The conclusion in our sample outline gives a nice framework:

“Because of his career history, achievements, quality of opponents, and his influence in the sport, I submit that The Rock Is The Greatest Wrestler of All Time”

You could BRIEFLY reiterate a little about each point, but this is to serve only as a reminder. If the presentation itself was short, be sure the conclusion is as well. If you presented for over an hour, you could lengthen your conclusion accordingly.

Use Something Similar to the Opening

Following the theme of your presentation is a great idea. If your opening statement was a story or a quotation, you might want to end it similarly. If you used a shocking statement, it might be helpful to repeat the statement, and make it sound far less shocking because of the material you presented.

Continuity is a trademark of good presenters. It makes you look as though you thought out your material and practiced it. It also helps your transition look even smoother. If your introduction was well built, the conclusion is a natural bookend. Mirror it for excellent results.

Return to the Theme of the Opening Statement

This is like the previous point, but focusing on the theme means considering the audience and occasion as well. If it’s a celebratory event, finish with acknowledgement of that. If it’s a big change in structure or procedure, revisit that.

Appeal for Action

This is the cornerstone of a persuasive presentation. After all, this is what you want the audience to hear: what do we do now?

Look at the following example from John F. Kennedy’s inauguration speech on January 20, 1961:

“Can we forge against these enemies a grand and global alliance, north and south, east and west, that can assure a more fruitful life for all mankind? Will you join in that historic effort?

In the long history of the world, only a few generations have been granted the role of defending freedom in its hour of maximum danger. I do not shrink from this responsibility-I welcome it. I do not believe that any of us would exchange places with any other people or any other generation. The energy, the faith, the devotion which we bring to this endeavor will light our country and all who serve it-and the glow from that fire can truly light the world.

And so, my fellow Americans: ask not what your country can do for you- ask what you can do for your country.

My fellow citizens of the world: ask not what America will do for you, but what together we can do for the freedom of man.

Finally, whether you are citizens of America or citizens of the world, ask of us here the same high standards of strength and sacrifice which we ask of you. With a good conscience our only sure reward, with history the final judge of our deeds, let us go forth to lead the land we love, asking His blessing and His help, but knowing that here on earth God’s work must truly be our own.”

What was Kennedy’s appeal to action? It was for us as Americans to take action and serve our country. The body of his speech laid out some very scary scenarios that were currently playing out in the world. He carried an ominous message but also sprinkled it with hope. The body contained a very famous line:

“All this will not be finished in the first 100 days. Nor will it be finished in the first 1,000 days, not in the life of this Administration, nor even perhaps in our lifetime on this planet. But let us begin.”

His conclusion brought the thoughts to a close. Our challenge was to consider the issues in the world and make a decision to take action rather than sit back and watch it happen. It was a very powerful speech and is a fine example of a call to action in the conclusion.

End with a Challenge

Ending with a challenge is similar to the appeal for action. Again, it’s a natural conclusion for a persuasive speech. There may not be specific action required, but this should give an audience powerful thoughts to consider. Let’s take another look at Martin Luther King, Jr.’s I have a dream speech:

“With this faith we will be able to work together, to pray together, to struggle together, to go to jail together, to stand up for freedom together, knowing that we will be free one day.

This will be the day when all of God’s children will be able to sing with a new meaning, “My country, ‘tis of thee, sweet land of liberty, of thee I sing. Land where my fathers died, land of the pilgrim’s pride, from every mountainside, let freedom ring.” And if America is to be a great nation, this must become true. So let freedom ring from the prodigious hilltops of New Hampshire.

Let freedom ring from the mighty mountains of New York. Let freedom ring from the heightening Alleghenies of Pennsylvania! Let freedom ring from the snowcapped Rockies of Colorado! Let freedom ring from the curvaceous peaks of California! But not only that; let freedom ring from Stone Mountain of Georgia! Let freedom ring from Lookout Mountain of Tennessee! Let freedom ring from every hill and every molehill of Mississippi. From every mountainside, let freedom ring.

When we let freedom ring, when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God’s children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual, “Free at last! free at last! thank God Almighty, we are free at last!”

Certainly, Martin Luther King, Jr. could have given a 10-point action plan, but at the time, there appeared to be little hope for African Americans. Instead, he chose to have the audience experience HIS dream. His challenge was for all of us to visualize an incredible future and take small steps to make it happen.

And In Conclusion…

Don’t skimp on the conclusion. Think about the most powerful speeches in history. Can you imagine Martin Luther King, Jr. cutting off his I have a dream speech without its famous “Free at Last” ending? How about Ronald Reagan issuing his challenge against Communism without imploring Mikhail Gorbechav to “Tear down this Wall!” A strong presentation with a weak conclusion translates into a weak presentation.

A Final Word About Planning Your Outline

We jumped around a little in this chapter. We started by talking about how to write an outline but then gave you lots of tips and techniques to give the presentation. I did this intentionally.

Planning your outline means planning out your entire speech. The outline is really your cheat sheet. It should be what guides you in making your points. An outline without action leads to a boring, methodical presentation that will hypnotize your audience.

As you plan your outline, mentally put yourself in front of the audience and give the presentation. Remember the visualization we did earlier. See it in your mind and the audience will see it with their eyes and hear it with their ears!

Points to Ponder

1. Are my thoughts organized enough to begin my outline?

2. Have I spent enough time visualizing my presentation as a product of total perfection?

3. Do I know my audience well enough to tailor an introduction to them?

4. Does my conclusion give the presentation enough energy and leave the audience feeling challenged?

Planning Your Visual Aids

It may seem odd to talk about visual aids at the very end of the planning section, but I did it for a specific reason. Most folks spend a lot of time developing incredible visual aids. In many cases, the visuals are planned before the presentation itself! We’ll talk more about that ill-advised procedure later, but for now let’s focus on the different options available.

Visuals are an important part of a presentation. They provide clarity, add a degree of interest, and in many cases serve are part of the entertainment feature of presentations. When we think about the learning styles of our audiences, we know that the Theorists probably expect some type of visuals, and the Activists like to see them for reference as they explore the topic as well. Visuals may consist of one or more of the following:

Slides

This is the most common of all the visuals. PowerPoint® presentations are convenient and relatively inexpensive. It’s easy to use and contains everything you need to combine text, colors, photos, graphics, and video into a nice presentation, complete with customized handouts.

It’s rare to attend any presentation that doesn’t include PowerPoint®. Most presenters today are trained with electronics, and college courses require the use of this type of visual for student presentations.

However, all of this leads to several problems.

Over Dependency

When used well, PowerPoint® enhances a presentation and gives it a sense of quality and excellence. But PowerPoint®’s use creates a dependence that’s hard to break.

Once of the best things that ever happened to me was getting a job at a company that didn’t have a multimedia projector. I was so used to teaching classes and giving presentations in the Navy using PowerPoint®, that for a moment I didn’t know if I could teach without it. Thankfully I was forced to break my PowerPoint® addiction!

Think of the most powerful speeches given in history. Would Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address made more of an impact with animated bullet points screeching in from the right side of the slide? Would I Have a Dream been more inspiring with streaming video and brilliantly choreographed slide transitions? Absolutely not!

Design Flaws

Access to a canvas and brushes won’t automatically make you an artist. PowerPoint® contains lots of neat features, colors, animations, and ideas, but none of these will help you if the design is bad.

Designing your slides can be easy if you make one critical distinction: are the slides for my use or for the audience to see?

If the slides are for you, then design them to be idea-prompters. If they are for the audience, then make them short and self-explanatory. If you’re careful, you can accomplish both.

On the next several pages, you’ll see some examples of what I refer to as the “Good, the Bad, and the Ugly!”

The Good

Good material. Lots of information.

The Bad

Too much information for one slide. It could be used more effectively as a handout.

The Ugly

This slide is way too busy, and the text is too small – using a sans serif (without the little “feet” on the letters) is a better choice.

The Good

Good material. Lots of information.

The Bad

Too much information for one slide. Font sizes are disproportionate.

The Ugly

Who chose that background? Ouch!

The Good

Good choice of use. Flowcharts work well on PowerPoint®.

The Bad

Boxes are too small – might be better to break it up into several smaller charts.

The Ugly

Text should be uniform in centering and spacing all boxes.

The Good

Designed for both the presenter and the audience – just enough information for both.

The Bad

Never use the Comic Sans font. Unless your audience is kindergartners.

The Ugly

Not sure why the happy face is there.

The Good

Overall, very good. Concise and makes its points clearly.

The Bad

Try making the body of this unbolded. The bold font doesn’t add much and tends to unbalance the slide.

The Ugly

Nothing really.

The Good

Nice balance of text – works for both presenter and audience.

The Bad

Dark background works OK as projected, but it may not make a clear handout

The Ugly

Nothing really – I’m not a huge fan of Times New Roman fonts, but it’s just my preference.

The Good

Excellent information. Nice use of the bullet points.

The Bad

Take a look at the title. Take extra precautions to spell check your slides!!!!

The Ugly

All of it. A misspelled slide is the ultimate curse for a presentation. Anyone who is forced to listen to your talk will make it their mission to find typos. And point them out in your speaker evaluation.

The Good

Concise, simple, and effective.

The Bad

What in the world is that graphic there for? Use clipart sparingly and be sure it adds something to the slide. Never use clipart. Use a photo if you need a visual.

The Ugly

All of it – that graphic just ruined it for me!

As you can see, it doesn’t take much to ruin a slide. Be very careful when working through your designs. If possible, use a standard template in the PowerPoint software. These templates have optimum font sizes as a default. If you type in more than will fit, fonts automatically adjust downward. If you find this happening, use it as a clue to make your text bullets shorter! Don’t try to pack as much information on your slide as you can.

In choosing color, use a medium-colored dark background for projection, and switch to black and white (a white background) when printing your slides for the handouts. Once again, use one of the more conservative templates available in PowerPoint and don’t customize it.

Many companies offer customized templates designed by experts. If you must use PowerPoint®, consult one of them to help you with designs. If your organization has a standard template and it contains flawed design components, suggest some changes using ideas from this book. Remember, the goal of the presentation is to communicate. If the visuals are a distraction, that goal won’t be met.

Technical Difficulties

Technical difficulties are always a possibility. The more elaborate your presentation visuals, the greater the risk of having trouble. Here are just some of your potential problems:

· Laptop getting dropped on the way to the presentation

· Slide show files getting damaged

· Projector bulb burning out

· No power source on the stage

· No extension cord when you need it

· Computer or projector freezing up

· Remote control for slide changes not working

· No “slide monkey” to sit there and advance your slides for you

You can probably think of many more. This short list should make the next point imperative.

No Back Up Plan

Be sure to have an alternate plan. This includes carrying your presentation on a thumb drive, bringing your own extension cord and power strip, taking along a copy of the presentation on paper, or any other crisis-preventing ideas you can think of. I have a bag with every possible adapter and cord I would need to hook up a MacBook. This accompanies me everywhere.

It may also help to learn how all your equipment works instead of relying on someone at the presentation to get it working for you. Learn to be more comfortable advancing your own slides. Practice opening up the projector and changing a bulb. You’ll look more competent and confident to the audience if you don’t fumble around like a helpless moron when getting your presentation together.

Loss of Spontaneity and Creativity

Herein lies the greatest danger in using PowerPoint. It comes from this common mistake:

Most presentations are designed specifically for use with PowerPoint rather than working hard to develop a good presentation and then deciding how to best use PowerPoint to present it.

I fell into this trap early in my training career and it took a long time to get out of it. You’ll find yourself designing for the slide rather than the audience. The material loses its own impact and more importantly, your creativity and thumbprint.

I kicked away the PowerPoint crutch by slowly limiting myself to fewer slides. Eventually, I managed to get myself down to one slide. Once I could do it with one, I realized I could do it with none. The freedom I experienced was incredible. There was no longer any anxiety when computers or projectors failed. More than that, it allowed me to put more of my SELF into the presentation and let the strength of the material win the audience.

Take back creative control of your presentation! Design it as if you only had your presence with no visuals. Use visuals sparingly. Your audience came to see you; the visuals are your tool, not your master. Use them, don’t let them use you!

One last important tip that applies to all visuals:

NEVER READ YOUR SLIDES TO THE AUDIENCE!

It’s the quickest way to make your audience feel stupid and they will absolutely resent YOU for it!

Charts and Graphs

Charts and graphs are extremely important to the Theorists. Remember, their learning style is all about getting the background and foreground of the subject. Additionally, the type of audience may dictate the use of charts and graphs. If you are speaking to accountants and engineers, charts and graphs are their language.

Charts and graphs are also helpful if you’re explaining economic data and trends. Ross Perot used charts in his addresses to the American public during his Presidential campaign in 1992. His platform for the election weighed in heavily on fixing the economy and so he chose his visuals very wisely.

Be sure when using charts and graphs that you make them large enough to see and spend time explaining exactly what it is your trying to show. You may choose to show them using slides, transparencies, or electronically. It’s also helpful to provide copies to your audience, either before or after the presentation. We’ll talk about how to do that shortly.

Benefits:

Charts and graphs are a convenient and effective way to display graphically related data. They appeal to certain audiences depending on the topic.

Drawbacks:

Charts and graphs can be expensive to produce and difficult to see. You’ll have to be sure the data is accurate and correctly displays the points you’re trying to make. They can also be difficult to see and understand if not displayed correctly.

Best Used When:

Making presentations on data-related subjects and with audiences that prefer seeing background information and statistics.

Flip Charts and Poster Board

Flip charts are a very handy tool when making presentations. They are manufactured in several different sizes, styles, and colors. You can purchase them with lines and with a self-adhesive strip across the back, which makes them easy to hang anywhere.

Flip charts can be pre-made, or you can write out your points as you go. You can be very spontaneous with them and take them anywhere quite easily. I recommend keeping a set of the self-adhering Post It® flip charts in the trunk of your car and two or three colored markers as well. This way you always have visuals available if your venue doesn’t.

Poster board is like flip charts but are normally developed professionally and matted on a hard foam backing. Done correctly, they are beautiful and can be used repeatedly. Poster boards however can be expensive to develop and are hard to travel with. They have a tendency to bend over time and the corners quickly get chipped and bent if you use them often.

Benefits:

Flip charts are lightweight, flexible, inexpensive and convenient. You can prepare them ahead of time, or tailor them spontaneously to your audience Poster boards look nice and can be used multiple times.

Drawbacks:

If your handwriting is poor or you have difficulty spelling some words correctly, the flipchart may not be a good choice. Flipcharts may also be hard to read if your audience is large or doesn’t have a clear view of the front of the room.

Poster boards can be expensive, difficult to travel with, and impossible to modify. Be sure your data is static and correct before investing in poster board.

Best Used When:

Flipcharts: Speaking to small groups and when the presentation must be tailored on the fly.

Poster boards: Speaking to many small groups with data that won’t change.

Handouts

Handouts are any materials you give to your audience. They may be used in conjunction with all the other visuals we’ve talked about so far, or as a standalone resource.

When using handouts, you can either follow the format of your visuals or give out a narrative summary. Your handouts can fill in all the details while your presentation covers the main points.

I recommend giving the handouts to the audience AFTER your presentation, unless you need them to follow along with you. They can be a distraction and sometimes even create confusion in your audience (“what page is that on?” or “is this covered in the handouts? I don’t see it!”).

The design of the handout is up to you. You can follow the outline, make copies of your transparencies and charts, or simply use the handout feature of PowerPoint®. Be sure to bring enough copies for each attendee or the buzz created from sharing the handouts may distract them or you.

Benefits:

Handouts are an effective way to get your message to the audience. Some learners process information better if they can refer to it later. Handouts also do away with the need to take a lot of notes. Your audience may be so focused on taking notes that they’ll miss part of your presentation.

Drawbacks:

Handouts can be a distraction, expensive to produce, and difficult to carry and pass out.

Best Used When:

Making any presentation – in conjunction with all other visuals.

Finally

Your planning is done, now practice your presentation! Visualize and practice, visualize and practice, visualize and practice!

Preparation and practice put fear into submission!

Me in my former life speaking at the Pennsylvania State SHRM conference in 2024. I owned that room for sure!

About This Book

Chapter 1 - Quit Being Afraid!

Chapter 2

Acknowledge

The first step in our journey is to acknowledge what skills and abilities we already possess. It seems like a logical process. After all, professional sports teams assess talent each year before training camp to see which skilled players they have and where the needs might be. If a business process is going to be improved, baseline metrics must be established. If someone wants to implement a new fitness routine, they should start by assessing where they currently are.

Improving our ability to speak confidently in front of a crowd is no different. Our first job is to see what strengths and abilities we already have. If you’ve never taken the time to do this, you’ll be shocked at how much of a “natural” you already are! You may also be surprised that despite your preferences, your abilities may be quite strong. Either way, a period of introspection is a wonderful way to start.

Let’s look at some of the basic areas we need to acknowledge as we work to build our speaking skills:

1. Our Personality Preference or Type

2. Our Presentation Style

3. Our Fear

What’s My Preference?

How well do you know yourself? Do you affirm comments, observations, criticisms, and feedback others give you?

These questions are important to answer if we want to acknowledge who we are and what have inside of us. In fact, we need to know this if we ever want to find out why we may have any of the Big Eight we talked about in Chapter One.

When you watch other presenters, do you notice that some have a knack for taking a very obscure concept and making it understandable? How about others who can generate lots of energy with their mere presence on stage? Do you notice some speakers who can deliver potentially bad news while making every effort to connect with the emotions of those in the audience?

If this seems natural for some presenters, it’s possible their personality preference or Type is one reason why. I believe that each of us comes “pre-wired” at birth with certain personality preferences. But while we have “pre-wired” preferences that make it easier to present, we also have the ability to either develop the skills that don’t come naturally to us. It all comes down to a preference. We prefer one thing over another, but we can still do that non-preferred thing if we really push ourselves.

For breakfast, would you rather eat a donut or an apple?

If you prefer donuts, you’d probably eat an apple if you had to, but given the choice, you prefer a donut. Personality preferences are the same. You prefer one thing but if you had to, you could do the opposite.

Here are four ways to break down our personality preferences.

What Activities Energize Me?

Take a moment and think about the following questions:

· In a large group, are you the one making introductions, or do you like to be introduced?

· When you’re with a group of people, would you prefer to talk with the group, or talk individually with people you know?

· Is it easy for you to talk to almost anyone for as long as you must, or do you find a lot to say only to certain people or under certain conditions?

Your answers to these questions help determine whether you have a preference for Introversion or a preference for Extraversion. People with a preference for Extraversion (and notice that we use “a preference for” in how we describe these. I would not call you a donut if you had a preference for donuts at breakfast) tend to prefer verbalization, big crowds, and multiple relationships. They’re most often found seeking the company of others and find it difficult to get anything done in total isolation and silence. It’s because those things give them energy.

People with a preference for Introversion are quite different. They tend to seek depth and appear quiet and reflective. They’re most often found working quietly and efficiently behind closed doors and large groups of people tend to wear them out. Since extraversion and introversion address energy flow, you’ll most often find them cheerful and refreshed after spending hours toiling in their preferred environment.

A word of caution though. While this one appears to be easy to spot, you might be surprised to see the amount of energetic, outgoing motivational speakers who are closet Introverts! I know. I’m one of them. We simply know how to channel the energy out of our comfortable preference and into the situation that demands it. And, at the end of a long day spent in front of crowds, we become physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted. I speak from experience!

How do I Gather my Information?

Now take a moment and think about the following questions:

· Would you rather hang around someone who is always coming up with new ideas, or thinks “inside the box?”

· When you read, do you enjoy odd or original ways of saying things, or do you wish writers would describe things as they are?

· Are you more intrigued by theory or do you prefer a more scientific approach?

· Are you one of those people who don’t believe things until you can process them with your five senses, or do you trust your gut?

Your answers to these questions tell us if you prefer to gather information through Sensing or iNtuition.

People with a preference for Sensing prefer to gather information in the here and now, literally, perhaps using the five senses. If you ask them to describe an object such as an orange, they’ll look at just THAT orange, smell it, peel it, taste it, and then describe THAT orange only. They’re most comfortable with data they can completely account for.

Folks with a preference for iNtuition on the other hand, tend to gather their information figuratively, looking perhaps for relationships, possibilities, and additional meanings. If you hand people with this preference an orange, they’ll certainly hold it and look at it, but don’t be surprised if they begin describing oranges. They’ll talk about the climate to grow oranges in, which may include California or Florida, then they’ll talk about the vacation they took to Disney World, which leads them to a discussion of the best time they ever had as a family, etc.

Which Part of Me Makes Decisions?

Think about these questions:

· Do you prefer sentimental things over more logical things, or vice versa?

· Do you find it difficult to empathize with someone’s experience?

· Do you consider facts or people’s feelings or opinions when making an important decision?

Your choices here help determine whether you use emotion or logic when it comes to making decisions. We can refer to you as having a preference for Thinking or Feeling.

If you have a preference for Thinking, it doesn’t mean you’re smart. It just means you prefer to make decisions based on objective data. For you, fairness, clarity, and justice are key descriptors of your process. You tend to look at the consequences of the action and use them to help decide the necessary course of action.

If you prefer Feeling, you make your decisions differently. You’re primarily motivated by relationships and interpersonal factors. The impact of the decision on the people involved is the driving force in your choices. While at first glance this preference may come across as tentative and not as confident as the preferred thinker might, it’s important to realize that once both make a decision, it’s firm and unbending. The process and frame of reference sets the two apart.

How Do I Prefer to Structure My Life?

Now try to answer these questions:

· Do you plan events well in advance, or prefer to do whatever looks like fun when the time comes?· When you have an important task at hand, do you like to organize it carefully before you start, or plan it as you go along?· Would you prefer to do most things according to what feels right, or a set schedule?

Depending on how you answered those four questions, we might tell if you prefer lots of structure and closure (Judging) or prefer less of a rigid environment (Perceiving).

People with a preference for Judging like neatness, conciseness, and a clearly defined finish line. They are list-makers and are likely to use a day planner and stick with it year-round. In terms of preference, they would most likely prefer to be decision-makers rather than information-gatherers.

People who have a preference for Perceiving like less formal systems, instead opting to address situations as they arise. Give someone like this a leather organizer and it will gather dust. Let them have a calendar app and they’ll ignore it, opting to check social media instead. For them, closure only comes when all the data and plans are ready – this defines the deadline. They don’t appreciate YOU setting the deadline for them. They can work well under pressure if it’s their pressure. These folks certainly have structure, but it’s their structure and it fits them and their Type.

How Do You Get All That Information From A Few Questions – And Is It Valid?

Much of the work done around Type was pioneered by Swiss-born Psychiatrist C.G. Jung, who hypothesized that human behavior didn’t just “happen”, but was related to a set of preferences that are established early in life and form the basis of the personality that others see. As a person gets older, much of what they do, see, and think is framed by those preferences. Jung’s work was then built upon by Katherine Briggs and her daughter, Isabel Briggs-Myers. They developed an assessment containing similar questions to the ones you previously answered, and the results give your preferences in one of 16 possible combinations.

Discovering your Type is accomplished by taking this assessment, which is known as the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI)®.

The MBTI® is statistically sound and designed to measure your self-identified preferences. The instrument has been around for decades and currently taken by over two million people each year. You really can get all that information from those 93 questions!

So What?

Understanding your personality Type and preferences is the first step to acknowledging why you might fear public speaking. We often fear what we don’t understand. If you have difficulty interacting with large groups of people, or if doing so really tires you out, it’s helpful to know that it might be because you have a preference for Introversion. You can give an outstanding presentation with ease when you run through it in your head, or when you give it to a small familiar group of two or three people but transitioning that onto the stage is troublesome.

Similarly, if you have trouble taking large and confusing concepts and making them understandable to a diverse audience, or if you have a tendency to drone on and on with the same point and say the same thing a thousand different ways, this could be a result of preference for either Sensing or iNtuition.

If, when delivering a presentation that could negatively impact the current conditions of the people around you, and you come across as cold and calloused, or overly concerned; we might say it’s because you’re playing into your Thinking or Feeling preference.

You might be one of those presenters who can stick to your allotted time or run way ahead of it. On the other hand, you might tend to run over the time, perhaps getting caught up in a question-and-answer time that leads to more discussion. If either of these apply, it’s probably due to you’re either practicing Judging or Perceiving.

Each of these four dichotomies is extremely helpful when doing the basic assessment of your SELF. While we’re essentially stuck with our preferences for life, we don’t have to be held prisoner by them. Whether speaking in front of a group seems natural or not, we can all learn to shift out of our preferences to get to a strong comfort level. We’ll talk about that more in later in the book.

What’s My Style?

If you decided to become a professional boxer, your first step, the one before drinking raw eggs and getting up before dawn to run, would be to assess your boxing style. Your coach and manager would analyze your punch strength, speed, boxing ability, and conditioning. Only after observing this through hours of training and sparring, would your management team agree you were ready for your first fight.

What’s your presentation style? Do you prefer to interact with your audience, or would you rather deliver information in a lecture? Are you mobile up on stage, or do you prefer a stationary place, safely behind a podium? Are you comfortable with using metaphors, or would you rather just give the information straight and to the point? Do you like high-tech visual aids, or would a simple flip chart and note cards suit you?

The Elements of Style

Each of these questions is designed to help you learn more about your presentation style. We all have preferences for how we would ideally like to present. If we master our style, we’ll become quite comfortable presenting information in an environment that suits us. What are the elements of style? We have some suggestions below. See which of these seem comfortable to you.

Use of Pace & Pauses

How fast do you speak? Do you tend to run your sentences together very quickly, or are you more deliberate?

Pace is the speed at which we speak. It’s a little like running a mile. If you begin very quickly, only to finish slowly, we might say that you failed to “pace yourself.” Speaking is the same way. If you tend to begin quickly, then blow through your hours’ worth of material in five minutes, your pace may be too fast. If you have only 20 minutes to speak, but end up consistently running over your allotted time, we might say your pace is too slow.

Pauses are the natural spots for us to take a breath of air when we speak. In writing, a comma signals a logical place to take a breath – which helps us better structure our written work. If your presentation seems to run smoothly, yet you constantly find yourself out of sync when trying to catch your breath, it may be a result of ill-timed or poorly planned pauses. We’ll see a little later how a well-timed, strategically placed pause can have more impact than the word that it precedes.

Voice Modulation

When you listen to game show host, actor, and commentator Ben Stein, do you think he comes across as boring? If so, it’s probably because he speaks in a very deliberate, monotone voice. He’s a brilliant man, but to the average person, the brilliance is heavily cloaked in a presentation voice that prevents us from hearing what he has to say.

Voice modulation is the act of changing our tone and pitch to keep our audience listening. It involves emphasizing certain syllables, words, and phrases. If you want a good example of good voice modulation, watch a TV preacher sometime. Their emotional appeal is most often contained in a well-timed voice inflection. Martin Luther King Jr.’s I Have a Dream speech is a wonderful example of voice modulation in action. While Dr. King’s words are indeed powerful on their own, I doubt Ben Stein could make the same impact in his monotone delivery.

Eye Contact

Making eye contact is a critical part of getting your message across. In some cultures, eye contact is a greeting, an acknowledgement of your pure existence. In particular, the tribes of northern Natal in South Africa greet each other with Sawu bona, a salutation that literally means “I see you.” If we have a bad customer service experience, many times it begins because a clerk fails to maintain eye contact with us.

I remember a speaker we had back in high school on chapel day. During his 30-minute sermon, he looked over our heads and failed to make eye contact even once. I had no clue what he was trying to say, mainly because I felt he wasn’t trying to talk to me anyway. It didn’t help that he insisted rock music was from the Devil. Good eye contact tells your audience that YOU have an important message specifically tailored to their ears. The pathway to the audience’s soul is through the ears, but you must first get through the gateway of the eyes.

Learning to make eye contact is a challenge for most of us. Maybe it’s because we grew up listening to our parents tell us “It’s not polite to stare.” Perhaps we think it’s confrontational. People tell me to never make eye contact with a growling dog as they see it as a challenge.

One way to ease into using eye contact is to practice the two-second rule. As you speak, make eye contact with each person in the audience for two seconds at a time. If you’re up on stage, you won’t have to look them in the eyes, just look at their forehead. Make a conscious effort to speak and scan the crowd, with two-second stops at as many people you can. Be sure to scan gently; don’t dart all over the room. Take care not to focus on one person or section for too long. I always find it difficult to move from someone who appears to be very interested in what I’m saying. Also, be careful not to get sidetracked by individuals in the audience that may get our attention. It could be a person we know who makes a surprise appearance, or maybe someone in bright colored clothes, or maybe a person with a physical abnormality. In these cases, it most certainly is impolite to stare, plus we’ll probably lose our train of thought.

Later, we’ll talk about strategies to help us learn about our audience before even stepping out on stage, which should prevent any audience anomalies from surprising us.

Gestures

Have you ever met people who convince you they’d be mute if you tied their hands behind their back? Each of us speaks with some gestures, some of us more than others.

The use of natural gestures in a presentation gives it variety, works to emphasize certain points, and helps us connect with those who are watching us. It’s the non-verbal equivalent of voice modulation. Do you remember President Clinton’s vehement denial of his relationship with Monica Lewinsky in the late 1990s? What stood out to most observers was his pointed finger gesturing as he emphasized,

“I did not…have sexual relations…with that woman… Miss Lewinsky.”

When it comes to using gestures, moderation is key. Too much can wear an audience out, too little lulls them to sleep. Again, look at TV preachers to get an idea which amount is right for you.

Here is a final word about gestures. Be sure to choose them carefully. In high school, Mr. May, our school administrator was giving a rather animated lecture in a Bible class when he raised up his hand to point upward and used his middle finger rather than his index finger. Of course, the class mentally checked out after that – we couldn’t believe Mr. May gave us all The Finger.

Posture & Body Language

Several years ago, a study was published in which former street muggers observed videotapes featuring normal citizens walking down the street. They were asked which of these they would choose to assault if they were still involved in their evil past. The observers overwhelmingly chose to avoid people that had body language and posture that exuded confidence. This could be anything from walking erect with shoulders back, hands swinging naturally at their sides, and head not locked forward, but naturally aware of the surroundings.

Body language is the most powerful communication we have. It can be argued that every body movement has a meaning and no movement is accidental. For example, through body language we say, “Help me, I’m lonely”; “Take me, I’m available”; or “Leave me alone, I’m depressed.” We rarely send our non-verbal messages consciously. We lift one eyebrow for disbelief. We rub our noses for puzzlement. We fold our arms to protect ourselves. We shrug our shoulders for indifference, wink one eye for intimacy, tap our fingers for impatience, and slap our forehead for forgetfulness.

Posture is important too. Good posture accomplishes two objectives. First, good posture, i.e. shoulders back, head high, arms naturally at the side exudes confidence. You’re the expert – your body language says that for you. It’s more powerful than a bio tucked inside the course materials. Secondly, good posture helps you breathe, which in turn allows you to have better modulation, breath more naturally, and make your strategic pauses where you need them.

Just as with gestures, body language can either energize our presentation, put the audience to sleep, or create total confusion as you gyrate all over the stage. Don’t overdo it. You’re not in the audience at a wrestling match or a Tony Robbins event. Be reasonable and appropriate.

Appropriate body language consists of what we’ve covered previously about eye contact and gestures, but with the added act of a conscious smile. After eye contact, the presence or absence of a smile sends a very important message:

“I’m glad to be here and I like you.”

There’s no better way to get your audience connected to you than with a smile. Of course, the key is to have a sincere smile. Your audience won’t be fooled. Let them know you are excited to be there and that you like them!

Filler Words & Nervous Habits

What is “um?” It’s a filler word – a word we use to fill in a “dead spot” in the presentation. “Um” isn’t the only culprit. “Ya know” is another biggie. Watch professional athletes in an interview and you’ll see this one used liberally. “Uh” makes a nice filler too. Teenagers like “like.” Entrepreneurs like to start every sentence and answer any question with “so.” In any place where silence seems uncomfortable, the filler word finds a home.

Filler words are sometimes impossible to eliminate, but we can certainly try to minimize them. One way is to appreciate the pause. Use that quiet moment to make emphasis, gather your thoughts, or prepare the audience for the next phrase. There’s nothing wrong with a little silence, provided it’s no longer than a second or so. Another way is to have a trusted person count your filler words. You’ll be surprised how often and how naturally filler words invade your presentation.

Each of us has nervous habits. I’m not sure where they come from, but we all have nervous tics that happen when we experience stress.

The late comedian Rodney Dangerfield tugged at the knot in his tie. Jack Nicholson smoothed his eyebrows. Professional baseball players possess and perform a wide array of nervous habits, from “crossing” themselves, spitting, tugging on the bill of their caps, or grabbing their crotches. Why is this?

Nervous habits are like filler words. We use them to fill in a break in the action where a spoken word is either inappropriate or impossible to use. It usually happens when we are the focus of attention. While some folks enjoy the spotlight, others feel much too vulnerable in it, and manifest this feeling by doing some sort of gesture. It’s almost always unconscious. I never knew I twisted my wedding ring when I was teaching until a student mentioned it to me. Sometimes we use nervous habits as a ritual – much like a good luck charm. Just remember that both filler words and nervous habits are usually evident to everyone but YOU. Enlist the help of some trusted friends to help point them out to you.

Enjoyment and Ease

Do you like your audience and the subject you’re presenting? If so, it probably shows through your non-verbal language more than anything else. Aside from eye contact, a smile, and positive voice modulation, nothing communicates your enjoyment and ease more than your apparent comfort level with the audience.

This is difficult – after all, you may be experiencing sheer terror on the inside, but the outside must not show it. Look at some of the better talk show hosts on television. I’m sure each of them experiences nerves while on camera, but you’d never know it from watching them. Jerry Springer calmly moved about the stage despite angry women clawing at each other’s clothes and hair. Dr. Phil McGraw maintains composure even when you know he wants to reach out and slap some of his guests. Oprah Winfrey expresses extreme compassion and anger without coming off as overly emotional. Why? Each of them is at ease with their audience. They are the experts - they are in control. How do you master this skill? It comes from knowledge, preparation, and practice. We’ll cover this more in later in the book.

So, What’s YOUR Style?

Now that you know what’s involved in presentation style, the next step is to find YOUR style. The best way is to ask others for feedback. Look at evaluations from previous presentations you’ve made. Find out from trusted friends and colleagues where your strengths were – this will indicate where you were able to operate well within your comfort level – most likely when you were working in your preferred style.

But what if you’ve never presented before? If this is your first time, perhaps a couple of dry runs in front of a small and friendly audience would be helpful. Ask for honest feedback. Find out what got and held their attention. If you can’t get that audience together or are not yet ready for prime time, then try watching a video of you presenting.

A video won’t lie to you. It’s a great way to see yourself from the audience’s perspective. The only requirement is that you can do an honest self-assessment of your style based on what you observe.

Just as a fighter must learn their own style, maximizing it to their benefit, they must also learn to adjust whenever necessary. The fighter’s manager can sometimes pick opponents that are suited to their style, but often they have very little choice. You may have little choice of presenting under the conditions most appealing to you – so mastering multiple styles is an important skill to learn.

Points to Ponder

1. What is my style?

2. What areas do I need to develop?

3. Who can I trust to help find my strengths and weaknesses?

Facing Your Fear

All of us have some fear of presenting. The key question is to ask why? If we know specifically what we fear, we can take steps to conquer it.

If you fear giving a presentation, ask yourself this series of questions:

* What was the worst experience I ever had giving a presentation?

* What was the reason that experience happened?

* Did I learn from that experience?

* What is the ONE thing I fear most that might happen during upcoming or future presentations?

* If that ONE thing happens, what will the fallout be?

* Will that fallout result in death or personal injury to me or anyone I love?

* Am I willing to face my fears and develop strategies to overcome them?

Remember our thoughts about fear in Chapter One? Fear is really nothing more than the anxiety that comes from possible, POTENTIAL problems rather than actual problems. While this should provide you a measure of comfort, let me elaborate for those who are still nervously biting their nails.

It seems like the natural reaction to express fear when we’re called on to do a presentation. After all, we don’t want to come across as cocky. It’s also a natural reaction to begin sweating and getting nervous and afraid when our dentist comes into the exam room and the assistant unwraps the sharp instruments. We haven’t yet experienced pain today, but perhaps we had a bad experience before which scares us. It appears our brain works overtime to scare us! Why does this happen?

To understand how this works, we must look at classical conditioning, one of the many ways that humans learn.

Classical conditioning grew out of experiments conducted at the turn of the twentieth century by Russian physiologist, Ivan Pavlov. Working closely with his dog, Pavlov determined that learning a conditioned response involves building up an association between a conditioned stimulus, and an unconditioned stimulus. How does this work? In Pavlov’s experiment, he would blow some powdered meat into his dog’s face, which caused the dog to salivate. This is what we might call the unconditioned stimulus. Dogs salivate at the scent and taste of food. Then Pavlov began ringing a bell at the same time he blew the meat into the dog’s face. Eventually, all it took was the ringing bell to get the dog drooling. This response was a result of the conditioned stimulus – that of the ringing bell. On a side note, when we got our outside cats in 2015, I would ring a cowbell when I would feed them. Now, if I go out to feed them and they’re not there, I just ring that cowbell and they come running.

So, FYI Pavlov, my cats are as smart as your dog. Likely much smarter.

What does that mean for us? It’s very simple. Just as some of us had bad experiences in the dentist’s office previously and now begin to get nervous when we smell the topical anesthetic and see the instruments, we also begin to visualize actual or imagined bad experiences during a presentation. We replay the scenario repeatedly, until like Pavlov’s dog, we begin to respond as if the unconditioned stimulus was upon us. Maybe we envision ourselves up on the stage and the audience is laughing at us. We may see ourselves dropping our notes, or the nervously stalling for time when the PowerPoint® slides freeze up. Perhaps we see ourselves losing our train of thought and drawing a complete blank. Worst of all, we imagine a hostile audience, listening only to respond, and then beating us up during the question-and-answer period.

QUIT SALIVATING AT THE SOUND OF THE RINGING BELL!!!

You’re much brighter than Pavlov’s dog and can choose to break this cycle! We’ll work on it together! You can no doubt fill up several sheets of paper with potential problems. I can too. The difference is that we’ll address them and overcome them through careful preparation and flawless execution. We’ll plan our work and work our plan. It will happen through a combination of self-awareness, mental conditioning, audience scouting, and practice. Let’s transform that fear into useful adrenaline and deliver a knockout presentation!

Points to Ponder

1. What was the worst experience I ever had giving a presentation?

2. What was the reason that experience happened?

3. Did I learn from that experience?

4. What is the ONE thing I fear most that might happen during future presentations?

5. If that ONE thing happens, what will the fallout be?

6. Will that fallout result in death or personal injury to me or anyone I love?

7. Am I willing to face my fears and develop strategies to overcome them?

“Failure isn’t an option. I’ve erased the word ‘fear’ from my vocabulary, and I think when you erase fear, you can’t fail.”

Alicia Keys

About This Book

Chapter 1

Quit Being Afraid!

“I was scheduled to make a year-end presentation to our board of directors covering the financial status of our bank. Although I was an administrative Vice President, I was the only woman board member to address the 12 men who sat on our board. I was a little nervous but had practiced at home and felt confident it would go well.

I stood up at the end of the long table facing the seated board members. I judiciously passed out the reports I was planning to review, but within only a few minutes of reviewing the financial reports, I experienced a hot flash that turned my face red and erupted a sweat I had never experienced before. I had to use Kleenex to stop the sweat dripping from my face. What to do?????? I stuttered and thought: these guys are going to think I am falsifying the records. So, I thought I’d better go all the way…by faking a fainting spell!

The president cancelled the meeting and one of the board members, a medical doctor, checked me out. He said it was stress. Although the meeting resumed the following week without incident, I never forgot it.”

Mary Ale

Santa Ana, CA

Put yourself in Mary’s shoes. Here is someone who was a senior executive, well versed in her job and seemingly well prepared for the presentation, but ended up experiencing a meltdown in front of her audience. However, she’s not alone. Anne shares a similar experience:

“As the shift supervisor, it’s my responsibility to brief the team at the beginning of a shift. I’ll never forget my first one. Here I am, newly graduated from college addressing a group of mostly middle-aged men. Looking out into their frowning faces, I suddenly forgot what I was supposed to say. I drew a complete blank. Time slowed down to a crawl. It was like one of those dreams where you’re being chased but you can’t run because your buried up to your neck in Vaseline.

The only words that came out were ‘do a good job today’ and then I quickly left the group, went into the restroom and threw up. Fortunately, after talking to my dad later that morning, he talked me off the ledge of wanting to quit. He gave me a few tips, and I did much better the next day. But nothing I learned in college speech classes prepared me for that first awful day!”

Anne White

Bluefield, WV

Are Mary and Anne unusual? Of course not! Time and time again, research has been done on the physical and mental effects fear of public speaking has on individuals. According to statistics, it’s stronger than the fear of dying followed by financial ruin, and spiders & snakes. According to the Book of Lists, the fear of speaking in public is the #1 fear of all fears. The fear of dying is #7! Over 41% of people have some fear or anxiety dealing with speaking in front of groups.

More importantly, if you’re The Boss, giving presentations is something you’ll have to do all the time. People look to you for information and inspiration. If you can’t communicate in front of a group, you’re screwed. Then, what happens when you must present your team’s progress to the senior executives? If I work for you and you can’t competently go up the chain to represent me and give me the resources I need to be successful, I’ll lose all respect for you.

The Boss needs to be The Boss at presenting!

If it doesn’t come naturally, then you need to get busy working hard to make it become natural. This book is full of helpful tips on how to do that. We’ll start by addressing the common reasons people are afraid of presenting and then we’ll build a winning structure to prepare and deliver a knockout presentation. The advice is here, but you’ll have to be the one to put it into practice. I know you can do it!

But first, let’s look at the most common reasons people fear giving a presentation. The same people that collect research on the fear of public speaking generally agree on the following reasons for the fear. We’ll refer to them from here on as the BIG EIGHT:

1. Speaking in Public is Often Unfamiliar to Us

If you’re afraid, is it because you don’t get to speak often? Like most things in life, repetition tends to build confidence. If your opportunities to speak were infrequent, perhaps once or twice in your high school speech class, then maybe with the toast you gave at your best friend’s wedding, it’s no wonder you may be dreading that upcoming presentation!

2. We Lack Confidence

Strangely enough, we are usually asked to present something because we know more about it than others do! If this is true, the audience should be clamoring for our every word! Why then are we worried about what the audience will think? In this case, I believe the answer is that we are unaccustomed to the pedestal the audience puts us on. It could be a low self- esteem issue, a pervasive negative atmosphere, or even a culture of listening to refute rather than just plain old listening. Whatever the case, we tend to discount the information power we have and focus on the microscope we believe the audience is viewing us with.

3. We Feel Isolated

Being in the spotlight may be something we all fantasize about, but the reality is that it’s pretty scary! On stage, we know everyone is looking at us. The focus is solely on us. Our voice is amplified through a microphone. Our presence has been announced and anticipated for hours, days, or even months. There’s no support for us up there, just us, our notes, maybe a PowerPoint® slide presentation to distract the audience from time to time, but nothing else. Isolation away from people is one thing, but isolation with everyone watching YOU can be terrifying.

4. We’re Naturally Self-Conscious

Do you have an accent? Does your voice carry a low or high pitch? Do you move your arms when you speak or hold them tightly to your sides? Do you move your feet around or stand very still? If the answer is YES to any of those questions, then realize that you share these same traits with the other nine billion people on the Earth! We are all unique, yet all have some of the same characteristics when we get in front of an audience. But when we are amplified, spotlighted, and the focus of the attention, we often believe we are the most unique individuals ever seen.

5. We’re Afraid of Looking Foolish

If you think back on all the presentations or speeches you’ve seen, you probably recall different incidents where the speaker looked nervous, had their fly open, tripped on a cord on their way up to the podium, or any other number of unfortunate, embarrassing experiences. In every case, you probably whispered to yourself I’m sure glad that isn’t ME up there! The problem is, NOW YOU ARE UP THERE! Every one of those memories will now reappear as you prepare for your presentation.

6. We’re Afraid of the Consequences

If our presentation is lousy, we’ll forever be judged by it. If we’ve been able to fake our expertise in private, we’ll now be exposed in public. Even if we do well, we may have to get up and repeat the performance somewhere else!

7. We’re Afraid of Making Mistakes

Maybe you remember sitting in a presentation where the speaker made a major mistake, quoted an incorrect source, or completely forgot their lines. While like Fear #5, this fear is different in that in many ways it’s subtle – you wonder who, if anyone caught it – and the pressure of NOT knowing drives you crazy!

8. We’re Afraid We’ll Be Boring

Boring speakers are not only ineffective but also cement that trademark into their reputation. If our subject matter is intrinsically important to us, there’s no greater insult than to have an audience bored by it. We fear having any presentation we give be prophesied in advance with statements such as “oh no, not that same boring speaker again.”

Each of the BIG EIGHT is completely valid. I’ve experienced all of them and early on, thought about them every time I taught a class or gave a presentation. The difference now is that rather than be paralyzed by them, I’m now propelled by them.

How is this possible? It happens when you separate fear from adrenaline.

What is fear? Webster defines it as: “A feeling of agitation and anxiety caused by the presence or imminence of danger.”

What is the danger? When it comes to public speaking, there really is no inherent danger, just the anticipation of danger. Essentially, our fear of public speaking is more a fear of possible, POTENTIAL problems rather than actual problems. This holds true even if you’ve never had bad experiences in the past. The anticipation of every possible negative, horrible scenario haunts us, from the day we are asked to give the presentation, through the preparation phase, and of course in the moments leading up to our appearance on stage. And ALL of this is based on something that hasn’t even happened yet! Does that mean it isn’t real? Of course not, but it does give us hope that we can change our mental state to override the fear.

Friend, that’s the definition of anxiety.

Adrenaline is different. Technically speaking, adrenaline is a hormone produced by the adrenal medulla in mammals. It causes quickening of the heartbeat, strengthens the force of the heart’s contraction, opens the bronchioles in the lungs and has numerous other effects.

The secretion of adrenaline is part of the “fight-or-flight” reaction that we have in response to being frightened. With this better blood flow towards the skeletal muscles and liver, the muscles and liver will be able to function to their highest ability due to the increase in oxygen that they are receiving. This explains the stories you’ve probably heard where a frail grandmother lifts a car off her grandson, freeing him after the floor jack fails and causes the car to collapse. It’s a positive charge that spurs us to athletic excellence. It may be the same feeling you get in your stomach when you see an e-mail or text message pop up on your screen from somebody special.

In a presentation, adrenaline is the boost of energy we need to override the fear of potential problems and deliver an energetic and motivating presentation. Of course, this energy must be harnessed – otherwise our presentation may frighten the audience. But if we leverage adrenaline to work in the right amount, and in the right place, the results can be awesome!

How do we tap into this? We’ll work on it at length in this book but for now just realize that each of us has this power within us. If we combine it with meticulous preparation and a strong base of knowledge in our subject matter, we can’t possibly fail!

“I have self-doubt. I have insecurity. I have fear of failure. I have nights when I show up at the arena and I’m like, ‘My back hurts, my feet hurt, my knees hurt. I don’t have it. I just want to chill.’ We all have self-doubt. You don’t deny it, but you also don’t capitulate to it. You embrace it.”

Kobe Bryant

I know that sounds strange coming from a guy who’s been teaching and speaking full time since 2000, but it’s true. Speaking in front of people makes me nervous. Sometimes even a little afraid.

But that’s normal. And, if you must give a presentation or teach a class, you’ll feel it too. The key is learning how to leverage that fear and transform it into energy. This book shows you how to do that.

Now about this book. Back in 2005, I wrote what I thought was the definitive guide to giving a great presentation. The book was titled: Podium Paranoia – Transforming Fear into Knockout Presentations. It took me over a year to write, and I couldn’t wait for it to launch.

But few people bought it. Very few. I was frustrated. I know for a fact that most people fear speaking in front of a group and would avoid it at all costs. Why then, with such a great resource available, would people not buy it?

I never found the answer, so the book sat for a few years languishing on Amazon. It might still be out there. Who knows? But as I found out, who cares?And so, I went on doing workshops and building my business helping companies build better bosses and helping bosses do a better job. And in doing that, I found one area that bosses really suck at is in giving presentations. Not big keynotes like I did, but simple presentations, like safety briefs, stand-up meetings, and of course briefing executives. The more I saw this, the more I realized that the old dusty, moldy Podium Paranoiabook had the answers. So, in 2019, I took out the manuscript and updated it.

Significantly as it turns out. After all, back in 2005, you were really cool if you used PowerPoint® but now it’s an expectation. Back then, audiences weren’t distracted by mobile devices, but they are now.

Now, in 2025, as I wind down my corporate career, I am refusing to let this book go down into obscurity. It’s needed. It’s necessary. Just attend any conference (save for a conference marketed to professional speakers) and you’ll see that the average human sucks at speaking. They use fillers, read slides, get distracted, and bore the audience to tears. I think it comes from lack of experience, that can be traced to the fear of speaking in public. Fortunately, the solution is in your hands right now.

This book is designed for someone who is going to make a presentation in front of a large crowd, but the techniques will work with small groups and even one-on-one. I break the topic down into small bites and give you lots of lists and checklists. The answers are all here for you, you just need to read them and put them into practice.

But now that I’ve moved on from the career in management development, I find myself still doing presentations, but now they focus on helping people tell better stories. This is something I’ve always done when presenting workshops, it comes natural to me. In the past few years though, I’ve leaned heavily into storytelling. I’m convinced it’s the most effective way to communicate. And since that’s a thing, I’ve updated this book to focus a great deal on the art of storytelling. My book, The Art of Storytelling, teaches this craft.

That brings us to a final point before we jump into the material. You must practice! If you’re afraid of speaking, the only way to cure it is to do it more often. Practice doesn’t make perfect, but it does breed confidence.

Shortly after I wrote the first book back in 2005, I got a contract position teaching civilian transition skills to retiring and separating military members. This was a three-day program done in front of audiences between 50 and 80 people. Lectures, not really interactive sessions. And for the most part, the audience didn’t want to be there. I did this three times a month for several years.

The pay was terrible but the best thing it did was make me a better speaker by forcing me to develop techniques on the fly to make some absolute s**t curriculum interesting and useful. I learned to better relate to a diverse group and think on my feet. I figured out how to use stories to hammer home important points. But more than anything, it was a grind. Standing on your feet for hours at a time. I gained stamina as well as confidence. Spending each well-earned break talking to attendees and answering their questions does that. Practice helps. Practice is imperative. Even with all the years I’ve been doing this, I get rusty after not doing a presentation after a month or so.

So, practice. If you’re The Boss, you owe it to your direct reports, your organization, and yourself. If you’re a teacher, you owe it to your students. If you’re a preacher, you owe it to your congregation.

In fact, if you spend any time at all, communicating with fellow humans, you owe it to yourself and them. Invest in yourself and you’ll benefit everyone around you.

* About This Book

* Preface

* Chapter 1: You’re The Boss. Now What?

* Chapter 2: Stick Your Head Up Your Ass (But Don’t Leave it There)

* Chapter 3: Better to Respected than Liked

* Chapter 4: Don’t Sweat the Load

* Chapter 5: Sharpen Your Axe

* Chapter 6: Make Better Decisions

* Chapter 7: Fix Small Problems Before They Become Big Ones

* Chapter 8: Play the Game

* Chapter 9: Final Thoughts

Chapter 10: The Good Ones

It struck me upon completion of this book that the tone, particularly towards my time in the Navy, was extremely negative. If you read just the previous nine chapters, you might think I never had any good supervisors. But I did. And when I think about what made them good, it was just little things. Particularly, little things they did to show they cared about me. That meant everything. So, I’ll take this final chapter to celebrate all the good ones. I’ll do my best to go in chronological order.

Good Boss #1: Jeff Valentine

It’s March 1985, and I’m a newly married 20-year-old. My wife and I were married in a lavish ceremony in Santa Ana, California. I had just flown home from my overseas duty station in Australia a few weeks before.

We were excited to begin our new life together overseas. There was just one problem. A big one. My new wife may not be able to make the journey back with me.

I joined the Navy simply to get work experience and get out of the house. At the ripe old age of 20, I was engaged to my high school sweetheart, and our plan was that I would transfer to my first duty station in June 1984. Then, I would return home in March 1985, where we would get married, and she would accompany me back.

That was the plan. But it wasn’t possible.

The only way my plan would work was if the Command would sponsor my fiancé. That meant paying her plane ticket, giving us Navy housing, and all my married pay allowances. The only problem was that my Command had a policy that only sponsored family members of those in pay grade E-4 and above. I was an E-2.

But I had a supervisor who loved stirring s**t up. While he was good to me, he was a holy terror on everyone else. I’m not sure why he was such a salty old sailor. He had a pretty wife who was several years younger than him and a newborn son. Whatever the cause, Jeff loved creating issues.

Once, he called the base theater to rip someone a new one about why the movie Amadeus (he pronounced it Uhmadius) was only playing one time. Not that he would have watched it anyway. He told me as much when he hung up the phone.

“Sometimes I just like being an a*****e,” he said with muted pride.

Jeff was stuck in pay grade E-5. It was very competitive to advance at the time. The only way to break out of the pack for promotion was to get a good formal evaluation. The only way to do that was to amass a host of collateral duties to work in addition to your “day job.” Jeff chose to work all day at his collateral duties and then come in at night to finish his lab work in the clinic.

When I told him of my plans for March, he was skeptical but agreed to help.

And he did.

He assured me when I flew home in March that he would get us Command-sponsored and have a house for us. I took him at his word. I didn’t tell my wife-to-be she might not be coming back with me. I didn’t even have a plane ticket for her.

As the time to fly back overseas drew closer, my anxiety was on red alert. It was five days before I was due to fly back that I received a message from Jeff. Since calling was prohibitive and mail took forever, he sent a Navy message that was forwarded rapidly through the post office.

As I opened that message, a wave of relief came over me.

“Congratulations on your new marriage. You are command-sponsored. You have a house waiting for you when you arrive. Airline tickets should arrive tomorrow.”

And in that moment, I experienced a feeling of peace. And, this may sound dramatic, a sense that someone cared about me enough to put themselves at risk.

Even though Jeff was a self-proclaimed a*****e, he proved he would go to the mat for me. I still have the utmost respect for him.

As a supervisor of humans, what are you doing to show you genuinely care for your people? Are you willing to go to the mat for them? Put yourself at risk?

It’s only through these situations that a supervisor can genuinely prove they care. Are you up for that challenge?

Good Boss #2: Greg Nelson

I joined the Navy for one reason only: I needed job experience.

After graduating high school fourth from the bottom of my class, college was off the table. I opted to attend a trade school to learn how to be a dental laboratory technician. This fit nicely with my love of art and creative things. The only problem was a shitty economy in 1982. After failing to find a job after graduation, my instructors encouraged me to try the Navy.

“After all,” they said, “It’s where we learned to be lab techs.”

A Navy recruiter “guaranteed” I’d go to lab school after finishing basic dental assisting school. I learned the hard way that nothing, NOTHING, can be guaranteed by a recruiter. I did not get lab school, and now, with six years of obligated service, I would spend it all sitting knee to knee with a dental officer, sucking blood and spit, and passing instruments. Lucky me.

With my dreams of lab school and returning to art dashed, I anxiously awaited the end of dental assisting school and finding out my first set of orders. Finally, in late April, our class was assembled, and our orders were read aloud.

Most were headed to ships in San Diego. A few were assigned to the Fleet Marine Force to deploy with the Marine Corps. Many of the females were assigned to shore-based commands. And a few of the lucky ones were stationed overseas.

When my name came up, I held my breath.

“Dental Recruit Munro. Your orders are to Branch Dental Clinic…Australia!”

My classmates were jealous. Now, of all the places I wanted to visit, Australia was on the top of the list. Men at Work had just released their third album, but immediately I heard their famous song Down Under in my head. I wondered how a Vegemite sandwich would taste. My disappointment at staying an assistant was somewhat muted when I discovered I’d be going someplace exotic.

I proposed to my girlfriend at the time, and she said yes. We had been dating since 11th grade. The plan was for me to fly to my duty station, then, after 10 months, I would fly home, get married, and we would head back to Oz.

Never having flown in an airplane before, the long flight over to Sydney seemed eternal. Then I had to take a domestic flight all the way across the continent to Perth, which is on the west coast. After a night in Perth, I donned my dress white uniform, slung my seabag over my shoulder, and took a cab to the airport.

The flight to Learmonth was a short one. I landed on a remote airstrip in the middle of nowhere. It was desolate, near a pristine coast, but looked much like the surface of Mars with red, dusty soil and huge termite hills. My supervisor, DT2 Jeff Valentine, met me, and we drove the 45 minutes to the base. On the way, we dodged a herd of emus and saw several roos, as the Aussies call kangaroos.

After going through the front gate, we drove down to the dispensary (no, not that kind of dispensary) where the dental clinic was co-located with the medical clinic. We came in through the back door, and I met my first Navy boss.

He was a tall, physically fit Navy Lieutenant Commander, Dr. Gary Backer. The first thing he said to me was:

“Munro, you’re fat. You need to get down to the gym and get your body fat measured. You’ll be on the Fat Boy Program (officially known as ‘Remedial PT’) for sure.”

Things progressed rapidly downhill from there. I hated dental assisting. It was boring. I was an artist. Now, I was simply sucking up spit, bits of filling material, and blood through a noisy suction and passing Dr. Backer instruments. I was cleaning up after the artist—getting verbally abused most of the time. Sometimes physically. When, by mistake, I handed him the wrong instrument, he’d simply kick me in the shins under the dental chair. You have no idea how hard it was not to drop the suction, send a left hook over the top, and cave in the side of his head.

After nearly three months of this, I was extremely frustrated. I was bored, lonely, homesick, and completely without a rudder. Fortunately, Dr. Backer soon transferred back to the States, and his replacement was much more pleasant. LCDR Dave Fabre was a good boss and treated us with respect, but I was still unhappy as a DT. It helped when I was able to rotate every three months to cleaning teeth, as it enabled me to work alone and have some music on.

In May of 1985, I flew back to California and got married. My new wife and I returned to Australia, where we were assigned a big, three-bedroom house in the community. My attitude improved. Even though work still sucked, home life was fun. Navy housing was built in the existing neighborhoods of the nearby town of Exmouth, and our next-door neighbor on the right and the one behind us were Aussies (pronounced Ozzies). I learned to play darts and rugby. We had just as many Aussie friends as Yanks. I didn’t think about lab school that much anymore.

In 1986, Dr. Fabre posted back to the States, and his replacement was LCDR Greg Nelson.

I didn’t care for him at first. He seemed a bit more buttoned up and was a meticulous clinician, which meant he ran us late almost every day. Then he took away our 90-minute lunch break, which was meant for PT, though most of us just goofed off. He agreed to give it back if we all achieved an OUTSTANDING on our physical readiness test—but that seemed like a long shot.

Then one day, he asked me what I was going to do with the rest of my life.

I told him I just wanted out of the Navy. He asked what I would do when I got out, and of course, I didn’t have an answer. After looking through my meager service record, he told me:

“You are a trained lab tech and an experienced assistant. Right now, you know more than a first-year student in dental school. And since you don’t have a career plan, I’m creating one for you. I’m going to get you to dental school.”

I laughed on the inside because he had no idea what a lazy, unmotivated student I was. But he was dead serious. He walked me over to the Navy Campus office and made me sign up for Physics 100 with the University of Maryland. Each semester, professors were flown in to teach classes, and the Navy paid 75% of the tuition.

Now I was nervous. Math and science were my worst subjects. But he tutored me, and I got a “B” in that class. I signed up next for a college algebra class and summarily failed it. However, I took and passed Econ 101, a computer course, and later, a college writing class. The writing course was my favorite. The professor, Dr. Emma Broussard, would always read my essays first and privately told me she loved my writing.

I loved it too. I volunteered to write a column in the base newspaper, The Talking Stick. I dreamed about writing a horror novel. It was fun.

Dental school had started too—not officially, but each time Dr. Nelson did a procedure, he explained what he was doing and why it mattered. It was almost as if he were teaching me to be a dentist. I began to feel my confidence soaring.

Then, one Monday morning about six months later, he came in with an announcement:

“Last night, I broke a filling.”

Keep in mind, he was the only dentist on base—and really in the region—aside from the local Royal Flying Doctor dentist, Dr. Glick. I had worked with Dr. Glick when Dr. Fabre was on leave and was not impressed.

“What are you going to do?” I asked. “You’re the only dentist in town.”

He replied:

“I have three options. Option #1 is I see Dr. Glick, and that will NOT be happening. Option #2 is to fly to Honolulu (an 18-hour flight), have it fixed there, and then fly back. Option #3 is—you can fix it for me.”

I suggested Option #2, but he insisted I do it. That week, we had some really focused training in preparation. We had a bag of teeth in the lab that we had pulled out of patients (at their request, by the way). I’m not sure why we kept them, but they came in handy! I mounted them up in a plaster base, and Dr. Nelson showed me how to cut the prep with that loud drill that whistles and sprays water all over you. You can do some serious damage with that thing! He showed me how to give the anesthetic. I practiced on some oranges. He wasn’t that brave yet.

That next Monday morning, he sat back in the chair. The other tech assisted me, and I fixed that filling! It was one of the most inspiring, confidence-building experiences of my life. My boss put his MOUTH where his mouth was. And even though I never made it to dental school (math and science are my kryptonite), Greg instilled a sense of confidence in me I’ve never lost.

Greg Nelson and I in 1987.

Good Boss #3: Manny Fontanilla

When Jeff Valentine got a set of orders to NAS Pensacola, I anxiously awaited news of his replacement. Then we got the message: DT2 Valentine was being replaced by DT1 Manny Fontanilla.

A panic set in. Now, I’m embarrassed to admit this, but I was not happy. Before joining the Navy, I had known a few Filipinos. One was my instructor in civilian lab school. When I got to boot camp, I’d say more than half of the Company Commanders (CCs—the Navy’s version of drill instructors) were Filipino. And they were f*****g mean as hell. One unlucky recruit asked a CC why so many Filipinos were CCs. He did at least 100 push-ups for that stunt.

So, when I found out my new LPO was a Filipino, I’m ashamed to say I was worried. I thought it would be like boot camp again.

But Manny was different—quiet and affable. He had a wife and two small children. He arrived shortly before Greg Nelson, so it was a period of change in the clinic. Manny asked me why I hadn’t advanced to paygrade E-5 yet. I told him it was very competitive. He didn’t accept that answer.

Dental department, 1987. From left to right: Greg Nelson, Me, Katherine Davies, Manny Fontanilla, and Jim Harris.

“I’m going to teach you how to study for the advancement exam,” he promised.

And he delivered.

To get advanced, you must pass a 150-question exam about your specialty and have enough award points and a high enough evaluation to put you in the right zone for promotion. It’s highly competitive. Manny knew my study habits were poor. But he also knew how to pass that exam.

“You’re going to see most of the questions over and over again. Your goal is to score as high as possible, so find the questions you see after each exam, write them down on a 3x5 card, and use that to quiz yourself.”

So, that’s what I did. I took all my study materials and put them in my car. Then, after taking the advancement exam, I went to my car and highlighted every question I remembered seeing. When I took it again six months later, I scored remarkably higher. I repeated that process with the cards. Now I had more questions memorized. I passed on the next try!

When I transferred, I taught my wife that method. Now with two of us memorizing questions, we doubled our inventory. The advancement exam was becoming predictable. We were both promoted to E-6 in record time. I would later teach this method to my direct reports. Advancements went up. When we transferred to Bremerton in 1995, I ran into Manny. He was still an E-6. We were now the same rank. He was so proud of me.

All because I had an LPO in Manny Fontanilla who took the time to help me advance. I’m grateful for him.

Dental department, 1987. From left to right: Greg Nelson, Me, Katherine Davies, Manny Fontanilla, and Jim Harris.

Good Boss #4: Todd Graef

In December 1988, I transferred to my second duty station at Naval Hospital Long Beach in Southern California. I was in great shape—both physically and professionally. The previous two years working with Greg Nelson had gotten me to a very good place, and as a wonderful parting gift, I found out I had been selected for promotion to E-5. Long Beach was near my hometown of Santa Ana, and we would be stationed near family and friends. I wasn’t sure what my job would be in the dental department, but I was excited just to be home and near the local college so I could continue my preparations for dental school.

Things did not go as planned. I ended up working as an oral surgery assistant to a Navy captain who was a tyrant in the operating room. His name was Joe Anderson. If something didn’t go right during one of our marathon 7-hour orthognathic surgery cases, Captain Anderson would yell, scream, and throw instruments. I hated the stress and was often sick to my stomach the night before O.R. cases. Things weren’t going well at home either—between the stressful job, four nights a week in school, and every other weekend committed to studies.

Mercifully, Captain Anderson retired, and his replacement was very different. His name was LCDR Todd Graef.

Dr. Graef was the opposite of Captain Anderson in every way. He gave us better training and more opportunities to give input during those long O.R. cases. He purchased modern equipment and made us part of a functioning team. Wednesday O.R. days became something to look forward to—from operating with music in the background (2 Live Crew and AC/DC) to relying on us to become partners in the surgical cases. We thought and operated like one efficient person. He trained us well enough that if he had dropped dead in the O.R., I believe we could have closed the case without him.

Outside of the O.R., he was a great boss too. Todd had an antique 50 lb. dumbbell in his office, two cannon balls held together by an iron shaft, and would often challenge us to a one-armed press contest. He was professional yet unconventional, and each day was something to look forward to rather than dread. He got rid of people who were stuck in the old ways and had a nickname for everyone we dealt with around the hospital that gave us s**t, which gave us almost our own language to communicate with—Humpty, HOTBOP, Steiney, The Hool, etc.

It was the first winning team I’d ever been on, and it was due to his leadership. It was a great way to wrap up the years I spent in patient care.

A great boss not only builds individuals but also builds their ability to work together. How are you building your team this week?

Todd Graef and I catching up in Virginia Beach in 2025.

Good Boss #5: Jun Basco

What’s your favorite way to be greeted?Hello? Hey? Greetings?

I think my favorite is the one below. Of course, to make it real, you have to hear it with a heavy, staccato Filipino accent:

“Ah Pet-ty Officer Moon-row, what can I do to make your day a whole lot better?”

As an enlisted sailor, I interacted quite a bit with the Chief Petty Officer community. Now, the Chief is often thought of as the backbone of the Navy. It’s difficult to attain the rank of Chief, and those who do gain quite a bit of prestige.

In my time, I ran across many Chiefs. Some were useless—chain-smoking, coffee-chugging slugs who contributed little. Some were decent but focused on the finish line of retirement more than the development of junior sailors. Yet there were a few, like Chief Jun Basco, who personified what a Chief should be.

I worked for Chief Basco at Naval Dental Center Guam from 1992–1994. He was knowledgeable, hard-working, but most of all, cheerful and helpful. The greeting above was his standard greeting to everyone—and he meant it. I never heard anyone else use that greeting, but I never forgot it.

I think the key to this greeting is this:

“How can I…?”

If you ask, “Can I help you?” it’s usually a yes or no answer. “HOW can I?” opens up more possibilities. Everyone needs something. This is an invitation to articulate it.

The second part of the greeting is important too:

“…make your day a whole lot better?”

Even on your best day, something could be done to make it better. Sometimes it’s nothing tangible—just a kind word or a smile. Other days it’s rescuing someone from a really bad situation or circumstance. When you ask someone how to make their day a whole lot better, you’re inviting a truly important, rapport-building conversation.

Imagine if you were greeted like this at the DMV—or TSA? Imagine if your boss greeted you like this?

You can’t control those interactions, but you can take the initiative to do it yourself. Be a Jun Basco.

Me and Jun at a command picnic showing off our new ink. 1994.

Good Boss #6: Jon Berude

This one is controversial in our house. Barb hated working for him. Jon Berude was my last commanding officer at the dreadfully dysfunctional Naval Dental Center, Northwest.

CAPT Berude took over command during my last two years in the Navy. He looked at me differently than the other officers did. I think I intrigued him a bit—likely because I was doing some innovative things in MID, and he was a big-picture, forward thinker. Most of the time, anyway. When the Command started the TQL journey and I joined the training team, he often sought my advice. Even though I was enlisted, I had a master’s degree in organizational leadership—which meant I was a “master” of it, I guess.

Berude was the reason I was assigned the PAT for the doomed, after-hours watch standing proposal. He asked for my help developing the presentations for the I.G. inspection we had during my last few months in the Navy. When I told him I’d interviewed for a leadership coaching position before I left the Navy, he was intrigued and impressed.Why does he make the list? Because he believed in me—as a person and as a professional. And he treated me as such. It’s a good feeling. I felt respected at last. Just before walking out the door.

Finally

I hope you see that little things done consistently make a big difference. Simply by treating your direct reports like fellow members of the human race, you’ll be doing more than most.

Imagine what taking an active interest in their personal and professional goals could do for them.

You have the roadmap now.

Get your mind right—and get after it!

About the Author

Mack Munro is the retired Founder and CEO of Boss Builders. He spent 25 years working with organizations of all sizes and types, in the USA and abroad. He spoke at countless HR conferences, taught workshops in 7 different countries and 24 states, designed and developed management and leadership curriculum and workshops, and wrote numerous books.

Today, Mack focuses on helping organizations tell better stories to highlight their products and services. He also works as an informal mentor to managers and new business owners and entrepreneurs.

Mack also spends his now ample spare time writing on his Substack and on several short stories he’s had saved up, just waiting for the time to flesh them out. He competes at The Moth competitive storytelling events. His highest placing to date is 3rd. An artist at heart, he enjoys time sculpting and painting in his pottery studio. He also competes in the occasional local BBQ competitions. Again, a competitor at heart, Mack was proud to take a third place in brisket and a fourth place in ribs.

You can connect with Mack at MadMackArtist@gmail.com or at his Substack at mackmunro.substack.com.

* About This Book

* Preface

* Chapter 1: You’re The Boss. Now What?

* Chapter 2: Stick Your Head Up Your Ass (But Don’t Leave it There)

* Chapter 3: Better to Respected than Liked

* Chapter 4: Don’t Sweat the Load

* Chapter 5: Sharpen Your Axe

* Chapter 6: Make Better Decisions

* Chapter 7: Fix Small Problems Before They Become Big Ones

* Chapter 8: Play the Game

I’m sure as soon as this book goes to print, I’ll think of more things I should have added. But I’ll just let that thought go. This is, after all, the end of this chapter and phase of my life. My hope is to now let this knowledge and experience go. It’s served its purpose, and I’m ready to embrace my next and final chapter.

However, there are a few last suggestions and thoughts I have for you.

Write and Tell Your Origin Story.

Your team will want to know everything there is to know about you. Even if you were once a peer, you’ll need to tell your story.

Origin stories frame you. The best one I heard was from the President of the Military Engines Division of Pratt & Whitney, one of my favorite clients. He told the history of the engines, from the game-changing Double Wasp of WWII to the ones built for the F-35. It gave me a deep appreciation for him and for the company.

I’ve told you many of my origin stories in this book. A few more follow. It’s so you can feel as though you know me. I suspect if you ran into me in a bar, you’d tell me you read this book and then ask me to tell you the story of how I nearly killed my boss.

And if you feel like you know me, you likely feel you can trust me. I hope you do, anyway.

This is the experience you’ll need to create for your team. You are a real person, and they need to see you as such. Besides, your job is to create more of you, so they ought to know what they’re in for. I’d love to hear your origin story. Find me on Substack, and let’s connect—please share it with me.

Journal.

Yeah, I know it sounds touchy-feely. Next, I’ll be telling you to do yoga.

It’s not a bad idea. You’re going to need something to deal with the stress you’re about to face.

Journaling will help you in two ways. First, you’re going to lose track of time. Making time each day to record events, key conversations, accomplishments for you and your team, and a place to document performance issues. Then, most importantly, write down how you felt about everything. That’s the cleansing part of the activity, and the second way journaling will help. It’s good to empty your head. You’ll sleep better at night. It’s good to revisit what you wrote too. I have three years of a journal I’m keeping. It reminds me how time flies and also how some problems never seem to go away. I use the Day One app. Journaling on your phone makes the most sense since it’s always with you.

Stress Relief.

This is where the yoga comes in. Or long walks. Or something that shifts your perspective. Stress is healthy in small amounts. You’re going to be operating in the red zone most of the time. You’ll need some outlet for stress.

If you have an introverted personality, it means you’re energized when you’re away from people. Trouble is, you’re going around people all the time. This means you’ll need to take frequent sanity breaks. I recommend 10 minutes every hour. Even if you don’t smoke, buy a pack and just go outside and light one and hold it. It’s an excuse to go outside. You could just stand out there and stare into space, but someone might think you’re communicating with aliens. Keep your battery charged up.

If you have an extraverted personality, this won’t be a problem. In fact, you’re going to have a different issue. You’ll need to give your team space to get their work done, and you’ll likely have more than enough to do.

Develop some hobbies or activities that will relieve your stress. Make sure you take your PTO. Don’t worry—the problems will be waiting for you whether you take PTO or not. So quit being a f*****g martyr and take your PTO.

Your INNER CIRCLE.

When I was a kid in Sunday School, I learned that Jesus spent most of his time talking to people, solving their problems, and healing them. It wore him out. He had 12 followers. They were his INNER CIRCLE. The people he could just hang out with and be real with.

But when times got particularly tough, like when he was about to be arrested, he relied on his INNER, INNER CIRCLE—Peter, James, and John. They had close access.

You are likely not Jesus, but you’re going to be spending each day talking to people, solving their problems, and, in maybe some odd ways, healing them. You’re human. If Jesus needed an INNER CIRCLE, why wouldn’t you? A group of people you can be open with. People you can be honest with. People you can be real with. People who won’t judge you. People who will support you.

And then, you’ll need a layer even closer. Your version of Peter, James, and John. Your most trusted relationships.

These should mostly be made up of people from outside your organization and shouldn’t include family. Or maybe not some of your friends either.

Use this group, but also support your INNER CIRCLE.

If you’re looking for an INNER CIRCLE, you can join mine on Substack, where I write weekly stories and drop occasional knowledge.

Make a plan to create your INNER CIRCLE.

Plan Your Next Move.

You may find managing people to be enjoyable. If so, there is a clear path for that. The current trend is for people in Generation Z to opt out of management tracks, so that opens up the world to you. Start planning your next move, whether in your current organization or elsewhere. Your journal will help you craft a great resume where you can list some of your greatest hits.

On the other hand, maybe you’ll discover managing people sucks ass. That happens quite a bit. It’s not for everyone, and only a few are really good at it. If you don’t like it, focus your attention on your technical skills or learn some new ones. There is no shame in tapping out of this role. It’s a tough one.

Pay It Forward.

Finally, if someone guided you this far and helped you land your new role, reach out and thank them. If you had mentors who got you this far, find them and acknowledge them.

I remember years ago when then-President Barack Obama said that “if you have a business, you didn’t build that.” I was incensed. I built my company. With my own f*****g hands and hard work.

Until I thought long and hard about it. There were plenty of people who invested in me. They reached out and taught me what I didn’t know. There is no way there could have been Boss Builders without the help of others.

So, show your gratitude and make yourself available to mentor others. Pay it forward.

I would wish you luck in this journey, but luck has nothing to do with it. By being a good human and doing good things for others, I believe you reap good fortune. So just do that. Be a great boss. The boss you would want to work for. And always look out for your people.

* About This Book

* Preface

* Chapter 1: You’re The Boss. Now What?

* Chapter 2: Stick Your Head Up Your Ass (But Don’t Leave it There)

* Chapter 3: Better to Respected than Liked

* Chapter 4: Don’t Sweat the Load

* Chapter 5: Sharpen Your Axe

* Chapter 6: Make Better Decisions

* Chapter 7: Fix Small Problems Before They Become Big Ones

In late 1997, I was nearing the end of a four-year tour in Bremerton, Washington. By now, I knew I wanted to be a management consultant. Since there was no formal role for that in the Navy, I volunteered to be part of the Command Training Team. As an offshoot of that, I also certified to teach courses in total quality leadership, the initiative known as TQL.

TQL was put in place by the Bureau of Medicine and Surgery (BUMED). Congress recently mandated military commands develop five-year strategic plans to justify budgets. This effort required the use of an ad hoc committee known as the Executive Steering Committee (ESC), which was chaired by the Executive Officer (XO) and other senior leaders. Of course, few people on active duty knew what all this meant, so that necessitated lots of training. I enjoyed this work.

TQL also required we look for ways to make processes more efficient. Since I had the requisite training, I was put in charge of a Process Improvement Team (PAT). The issue I was to focus on was both efficiency and morale.

The region we served in the Puget Sound area of Washington State consisted of a headquarters facility and dental clinic at the PSNS shipyard, a large clinic 25 miles to the north at the Bangor SUBASE that served the submarines, another facility at the air station at Whidbey Island, and a small clinic in Everett. The clinics at PSNS and Bangor were located 25 miles from each other, and the staff from both lived in that region.

A command climate survey revealed morale problems. They always did. Sailors aren’t happy unless they’re whining about something. One of the problems seemed like a good candidate for a PAT intervention, though—the process by which we provided emergency dental coverage after hours.

The current system involved each chairside technician from PSNS and Bangor spending the night at the clinic after working hours in a rotation. On weekends and holidays, the duty dental tech, as we referred to them, would spend the entire 24 hours there. The duty room was hot and uncomfortable. Plus, who wants to spend the weekend at the clinic? And you got no comp time. It was back to work the next working day.

The techs at Bangor had it easier. There were 22 of them, so they rotated every 22 days. PSNS didn’t have it so lucky. There were only seven techs. That meant once a week, and two weekends a month. And that’s when everyone is there. When people go on leave, or around the holidays, the unlucky ones left covered the slack.

My PAT decided to be creative. We figured the worst that could happen was our plan being rejected by the ESC, so we shot for the stars.

First, we toyed with the option of using cell phones. They were a thing in 1997, just not like today. We thought the phone number could be published as the emergency line for each facility, and the tech could go home and be on standby.

Then, we took it one step further. We combined the 22 techs from Bangor with the seven from PSNS. They all worked within range of both facilities. Then, one number could be published, and both facilities would share it. Now, not only could the techs spend the nights in their own beds, but they also only had to do it every 29 days.

But there was one more thing to check. We needed to find out how many after-hours dental emergencies occurred. We looked at the previous three years of logbooks. In that time, exactly ONE after-hours dental emergency came to the clinic. It was all we needed. I summarized the data, built a stellar PowerPoint presentation, developed a proposal with timelines, and prepared to brief the ESC.

And so, it was on an unusually clear day in Bremerton that I donned my dress blue uniform and prepared to present to the ESC. I was confident. I knew my stuff, but I was also armed with my newly minted master’s degree. I was the only enlisted man in the command who had one. I was ready.

As expected, I delivered the presentation of a lifetime. I answered every question, allayed every concern. Their body language was open and positive. I knew our proposal would be accepted.

When I finished, I drove back to Bangor and sat down at my desk. A moment later, my phone rang. It was the admin officer from PSNS.

“Petty Officer Munro,” he said. “Nice job on the presentation today.”

“Thank you, sir!” I replied. “Thanks for letting me know.”

“Well, I wanted to tell you as soon as possible. The ESC voted down your proposal.”

“What? What happened?”

“Next time you come down to PSNS, come see me, and I’ll let you know what happened.”

I decided “next time” was right then and there. I got back in my car and drove back down to PSNS.

The admin officer told me to take a seat and closed his door.

“The XO stood up right before you came in. He told us, ‘Petty Officer Munro has a proposal here to combine the watchbills of both PSNS and Bangor and rotate those techs home with a cell phone. He’s done his research. He’s even found there was only one after-hours emergency over the past three years.’”

The XO obviously read my proposal before the meeting. I wasn’t surprised. I had to turn the entire thing over to the Command a few days before my presentation.

The admin officer continued.

“The proposal is a good one and makes sense. But here is what I’m going to tell you. While I’m the XO of this command, there is no way in hell there will ever be a cellphone watch after hours.”

I had no chance, and I didn’t even know it. All that hard work and preparation. The excited looks in those techs’ eyes as they considered life without spending the f*****g night in the clinic.

I got bit in the ass—and not the last time—by the inner workings of organizational politics. It was a game I would learn to play the hard way.

It’s a game you’re going to need to play too. And let’s be clear: look at this as a game. If you don’t, you’ll get discouraged and frustrated. But you must play. If you don’t, your direct reports will lose all respect for you. So, don’t be a chicken s**t. Let’s talk about the game.

In a normal world, meritocracy would win the day. The person with the best argument, the most accurate statistics, and the most influential style succeeds. That’s not the world we live in. We all look for a way to get an edge. To put the thumb on the scale in our favor. To have our proposal accepted over all the others.

So, we look for ways to get around the traditional path. Maybe we meet behind the scenes with some of the interested parties. We keep things secret. We’re just trying to find a little leverage.

That’s the game. It’s called navigating organizational politics. It’s a game you will need to play. And if you play, play it to win. That involves lots of steps. Let’s navigate them together.

Step #1: Get Your Mind Right My high school football coach would scream at us when we made mental mistakes to “get our mind right.” I guess he wanted us to focus. Usually, it worked. But mindset is a critical part of playing the game you’re signed up for. It’s important to do some soul-searching because your attitude towards the game will be the deciding factor if you plan on winning. There are five potential attitudes toward the game. Only one will serve you well.

Attitude #1: Politics Don’t Matter. They are irrelevant. Meritocracy ensures the best person will win. Attitude #2: Politics are Dirty and Manipulative. The only people who play the game are evil sharks. Attitude #3: Politics are a Thing, But I Refuse to Play. Just count me out. Attitude #4: Politics are Sometimes Necessary. I play the game only if I must. Attitude #5: Politics are How Things Get Done Around Here. I’m an active and willing participant.

Which attitude wins? #5, of course. Politics really do make the wheels turn. Slowly and dysfunctionally for sure, but they turn. Think about this: What if you had a boss who had Attitude #2 or #3, and you wanted them to take your concerns up to senior management? Your boss, likely a spineless fool, would rather not upset the normal order of things. I guarantee you’ll lose respect for that boss.

Don’t be that boss. Figure out the reason your attitude is something other than #5 and fix yourself. Look through your past. Maybe you had a situation like I did in the Navy. Maybe you got burned a few times already. Face it. I had to do it. So do you.

Step #2: Identify Your Goal If you’re going to play the game, play to win, but know exactly what you’re playing for. Is it something to improve your life? The work lives of your teammates? Playing the game requires you to take risks. Weigh the risks against the rewards but be sure to keep your goal in mind.

Step #3: Identify Every Player In my story, the players included everyone who sat on the ESC. That included the XO who chaired it, the CMC, the admin and fiscal officers, and all four clinic directors. The ESC was the only group I’d need to influence.

Step #4: Identify the Current Status of Your Relationship with Each Player There are three potential relationship statuses: A good relationship. A bad relationship. And the worst one: no relationship. A good relationship is fine. Just be sure to maintain it. The bad relationship is a problem, but the time to solve it is not when you’re in the middle of the game. That will look like pandering. Having no relationship is a crime. A sin. With no relationship, though, is the opportunity to create a good relationship. But the middle of the game isn’t the best time.

This is why the time to repair, rebuild, or forge relationships with people in power is when you DON’T need them! If things are running smooth for you, get out and meet people. The relationships you build and improve now will serve you better when you need them for something.

In my story, I had a good relationship with the admin officer. He replaced the joker that was spying on my techs in the parking lot, looking for civilian clothes. I had a good relationship with the clinic directors. I did not have a good relationship with the CMC. I didn’t really have a relationship with the XO. Can you see why my idea got voted down?

Step #5: Identify Where Their Support Lies for Your Idea at the Moment There are two levels of support for you or your idea. People will be for you or against you. It’s important to know that because that dictates where you need to put in the work. You’ll have to search for this. People often hold their cards close when it’s a big decision or something controversial. This is where having that organizational awareness is so important for you. Use your proxy power to gain access to this information.

Step #6: Identify the Wants and Needs of Each Player in the Game Wants are usually surface requests. I want a raise. I want a beer. Needs are deeper. I want a raise, but I need respect. I want a beer, but I need to relax.

People often lead with what they want but rarely reveal what they need. With the gift of hindsight, I think the XO wanted everyone’s compliance and for him to be seen as the ultimate authority, but I believe it’s because he had a need to be respected. If he could only have seen that giving the junior enlisted folks their lives back would have gained him more respect than he could have ever imagined.

You’ll need to build some strong relationships to learn about people’s wants and needs, but again, the time to do it is not in the middle of the game. Plan well beforehand.

Step #7: Link Your Proposal to Address the Wants and Needs of Each Player in the Game with Your Power and Influence Go back to the first chapter about equipping yourself. Your levels of power and influence will be the ammunition you need to move people to your side. Don’t neglect forging relationships with everyone you can. You may need their power to proxy with in the future.

Had I known this back in 1997, I would have subtly mentioned multiple times how doing this thing for the junior enlisted would improve morale but also raise the level of respect toward the senior officers.

Step #8: Identify Where Everyone is at With Their Decision There are three statuses for decision-making: I am locked in. I’m actively deciding. I need more information to make my decision.

Locked in works so long as people are locked in favor of your proposal. If not, move on.

Actively deciding requires you to take a deep breath and cross your fingers. When someone is actively making a decision, they’re likely not taking any new information. That would be like interrupting Judge Judy in her chambers while she’s making her decision during the commercial break.

“Get the hell outta here!” she’d scream in her New York accent.

When someone needs further information, that’s a gift for you. Now, if you know them well, you can frame your proposal against their wants and needs and guide them one-on-one. That’s the best-case scenario for you. If you can do this, you’re a master of the game

What’s left?

Step #8: Push PLAY!

Put your plan into motion. Monitor the game at every step. Make mental and physical notes of actions and reactions. If you win the game, you’ll need a roadmap to follow for the next iteration. If you lose, it’s like looking at game film after a Friday night ass-whipping on the football field. You’ll learn from your mistakes and, hopefully, not repeat them.

And remember, even if you lose, you’ll gain the respect of your team for fighting hard on their behalf. That’s the ultimate way to build lasting respect.

This happens about every four to six months. I wake up nauseated and spend the morning throwing up. I’m sure it’s from stress and a terrible diet. It’s practically routine by now.

But this feels different.

Last night, I went to the movies with two co-workers. We’re all big Stephen King fans, and Pet Sematary had just come out. Before heading out, I scarfed down leftover chicken fajitas from Sunday’s dinner at my parents’ house, grabbed contraband boxes of Jujyfruits and Milk Duds, and met my friends at the theater.

Pet Sematary was the only Stephen King book that ever scared me enough to sleep with the lights on. I was 24 when I read it, and it still got me. I was anxious to see if the movie lived up to the book.

It didn’t. Not even close. It wasn’t scary—except for Zelda, the sister with meningitis, who was terrifying. When the movie ended, I went home, grabbed a snack, and crashed. No nightmares. The real nightmare was waiting for me.

The infamous Zelda…

The clock says 04:15. I'm salivating profusely. It won’t be long now. By 04:20, I’m in the bathroom, heaving.

If this episode goes like all the others, I’ll need to drag myself out of bed, drive to work, check in at sick call, and get the Navy doctor’s permission to go home. That’s Navy policy: prove you’re sick before you can stay home. Years later, in my first civilian job, I realized how nice it was to just call in sick.

The short drive to work is a series of pull-overs to vomit on the side of the road. By the time I get to medical, I’m sure I’ve got nothing left, but my stomach hasn’t gotten the memo. The doctor sends me home.

Day one is a blur of sprinting between the bed and bathroom. My throat is raw, my abs ache like I’ve done a thousand sit-ups, and the purge won’t stop.

Day two is no better. The doctor thinks it’s food poisoning. Probably the fajitas, left out too long at my parents’ picnic table. Thankfully, I’m the only one who ate the leftovers.

By day three, I’m dehydrated, gray-skinned, and completely spent. They send me home again. That night, I finally start feeling human again—starving, but human.

The unplanned cleanse drops my weight significantly, which isn’t bad considering I’m pushing 235 pounds. My uniforms might finally fit again.

A week later, I’m back to normal and somehow not traumatized by fajitas. But I can tell you this: food poisoning is the worst non-fatal illness you can get. I’ve never had it again and never want to. I now read expiration dates religiously and probably toss more good food than bad. If you haven’t had food poisoning, trust me—you don’t want to relate.

You’ve probably noticed my recent writing has been reflective—painfully personal. After I published my story on Dobson parenting, a friend texted me, concerned and probably a little offended. I didn’t reply right away. I didn’t want to get caught up in emotion. I’ve seen lifelong friendships implode over politics and religion, and I’m not eager to add to that list.

Thinking about it later, that post was a lot like this food poisoning episode. A violent purge your body initiates because it’s trying to save you. That’s what it felt like emotionally. You drink too much alcohol, your body makes you throw up to protect you. I’ve lived long enough to experience that firsthand—don’t ask me how.

When I told my friend that, he understood. I appreciate that. He gets it. And he gets me too, probably not as much as he thinks he does, but he might be close.

These past few years have been tough. I’ve had to face childhood trauma while caring for the same aging parents who caused much of it. There’s anger, bitterness, and grief. Therapy is helping, but so is writing.

I see these stories as an emotional cleanse. Dragging ugly memories out into the open, confronting them, purging them. It’s not easy. It’s never easy. But writing them down—raw language, profanity and all—feels like healing. Like vomiting up the poison.

The good news? I feel like I’m at the end of Day Three of the Post-Pet-Sematary-Chicken-Fajita-Cleanse.Lighter. Stronger. More energized. Hopefully, that will show in the stories I write next.

It’s a journey, and I’m still on it. If you’re on it too, stick with it. Follow my footsteps if you like; I’m probably a little ahead of you. I’m also way behind some of you, and I welcome advice from anyone who’s further along. There’s strength in numbers, and I’m grateful to be counted among you.

* About This Book

* Preface

* Chapter 1: You’re The Boss. Now What?

* Chapter 2: Stick Your Head Up Your Ass (But Don’t Leave it There)

* Chapter 3: Better to Respected than Liked

* Chapter 4: Don’t Sweat the Load

* Chapter 5: Sharpen Your Axe

* Chapter 6: Make Better Decisions

Chapter 7: Fix Small Problems Before They Become Big Ones

It’s a July evening in 1990, and I’m home watching a baseball game when my pager goes off. I’m the duty dental technician at Naval Hospital Long Beach that evening, so I call the quarterdeck, and they connect me to the emergency room. As the duty tech, it’s my job to go in and triage the patient, then, if necessary, call the dental officer.

I park my car in the ER lot and go up to the charge nurse. He leads me to a treatment room where my patient awaits in a wheelchair. A towel is wrapped around his face.

Now, as a dental assistant, I’ve seen some nasty s**t. Nothing fazes me. But when this joker removes the towel, I take a step back.

“What do you think?” he asks in a thick lisp. He speaks in a thick lisp because his upper lip has swelled to about four times the normal size. He looks like Donald Duck.

“I think I’m going to page the duty dental officer,” I reply. He arrives an hour later.

Turns out, this patient has a periapical abscess. You get those when an untreated cavity spreads bacteria into the pulp of your tooth. It becomes infected. You know how roadkill swells up on the highway in the summer? Well, that’s what’s going on in your tooth. Problem is, your tooth is encased in enamel, the hardest substance in the human body. The blood and pus can’t go out, so they go inward and form an abscess.

This guy’s abscess was massive. Like a zit of Biblical proportions.

The dentist asked him why he waited so long to get it checked out. He said he didn’t know. Considering he was in the Air Force, that answer didn’t surprise me. We ended up treating him that night. I’ll spare you the details.

Actually, I won’t. You’re curious anyway, aren’t you?

So, we numb this guy up, and the dental officer grabs a pair of hemostats and grabs the head of the Biblical zit and pinches it off. It’s a good thing I’m standing by with the heavy-duty suction. That thing explodes like Mount St. Helens. The rubber suction hose spasms as clumps of blood and pus flow into a clear plastic container. It’s the color of…

Okay, you’ve heard enough. The moral of the story? Go to the f*****g dentist sooner rather than later!

Actually, that’s not the moral of the story, just good advice.

If this guy had simply gone to the dentist and had his tooth filled as soon as he found out he had a cavity, this would have all been avoided. Yeah, you get a shot in your mouth, hear that dreaded screaming drill, and have water sprayed all over your face. Then you have a numb lip the rest of the day. Oh yes, and then there is the dental bill.

But now look. Not only did he need a root canal on that tooth, but he also had a massive cocktail of antibiotics to take. Eventually, he needed a crown on that tooth. Lucky for him, he was on active duty, so he didn’t need to pay for any of this.

The moral of the story is: fix little problems before they become big ones.

What are the little problems you’ll be dealing with as The Boss?

Think back to elementary school and later middle school. Petty arguments. Tattling. People thinking you play favorites. People stealing other people’s lunches. People bringing personal issues into work. People gossiping about said personal issues. These all seem minor, but they’re the root of deeper conflicts and issues. Be sure people are watching you to see how you’ll handle things.

Remember this: In the absence of information, people fill in the gaps with worst-case scenarios or with what is most sensational.

Never forget it.

Your people are watching. If you allow little s**t like this to go unheeded, you’ll be seen as a spineless pushover. Or they’ll think you’re letting it go on because you’re playing favorites.

That means you need to act. Take the person to the side and let them know that what they said or did is unacceptable. Tell them the consequences if they do it again. If you want some helpful scripts and tools for this, check out some of my other books.

I know some of these behaviors seem borderline okay, plus you won’t find these listed in the employee handbook or other policy manuals. If they’re disruptive, though, you’ll need to address them. These are likely FOCUS leg problems, so refer back to that chapter for help.

But in the old days, McDonald’s owned what they were. I found a photo of an old menu. Take a look:

First of all, the pricing dates this. But notice the simplicity. And, since it’s so simple, the menu can add helpful descriptors that make me want to buy. Yeah, I know McDonald’s makes money hand over fist, but I wonder—if they stuck to simple—maybe their operations costs would be low enough to match today’s profits. Sometimes, simple is just better.

Which brings me to my lesson today. Sometimes simple plans with clear communication give us the best chance for success. Military planners—known for complex plans that don’t translate well into actual battle—made this mistake in the ill-fated Operation Eagle Claw hostage rescue attempt back in 1980. The complexity and overplanning of that operation resulted in multiple aircraft lost and eight servicemen killed… all without ever confronting the Iranians. Simple, yet not simplistic, strategies—combined with significant training to run that simple plan—might have led to success.

So what about you? What about your business? Is the presentation you’re planning full of jargon, complicated figures, and wordiness that’s sure to put your audience to sleep? Are your customer acquisition strategies so complex they require the planets to align just to make them work?

It may seem counterintuitive, but I’m convinced that making your plans, presentations, strategies, and initiatives simple and straightforward eliminates confusion and gives you a much better chance for long-term success. Maybe McDonald’s should ditch trying to be cool and trendy—keeping pace with Panera and Chipotle—and go back to what they really are: cheap, unhealthy comfort food. I might even become a raving fan then.

What do you think?

* About This Book

* Preface

* Chapter 1: You’re The Boss. Now What?

* Chapter 2: Stick Your Head Up Your Ass (But Don’t Leave it There)

* Chapter 3: Better to Respected than Liked

* Chapter 4: Don’t Sweat the Load

* Chapter 5: Sharpen Your Axe

Chapter 6: Make Better Decisions

In early 1996, my Command purchased a very expensive solution to a problem we really didn’t have.

As LPO, I supervised the dental clinic operations at the SUBASE in Silverdale, Washington. Our mission was to ensure sailors never deployed with dental conditions that could flare up. That’s a big problem on submarines. Stealth is their modus operandi. If a sub must surface to medivac someone with a toothache, the commanding officer of the sub will be fired, and the dental officer who signed off on their record will get their ass chewed.

Since normal humans abhor going to the dentist, it’s like herding cats to get sailors in for an annual exam. Eventually, they make it in. It just takes a lot of work.

So, when the Command saw an opportunity to f**k up something that was working just fine, of course, they took it. Why wouldn’t they?

“Let’s bring dentistry to the people!” was the cry that prompted the Command to purchase a 36-foot RV reconfigured as a mobile dental clinic. The Mobile Dental Van. The plan was to have my technicians take a driver training course, and then they would rotate driving the van to the Delta Pier where the subs were moored so they could catch patients as they came back and forth to work.

The van was large, slow, and hard to maneuver. It intimidated my techs, particularly when they had to navigate the tight Delta Pier. That’s a recipe for disaster.

My 36 foot pain in the ass!

And so it was that nearly every week, the van came back to the clinic with a dent or scratch. And each day, right about the time the van would be returning to the clinic, my paranoid boss would scurry out from behind his desk to run outside and inspect it. Then, of course, if he found anything, he’d come to my office.

“Petty Officer Munro, have you seen the dental van today?”

“Uh, no sir.”

“Oh, you better get out there and take a look. It’s damaged again. How did it happen?”

Well, of course, I wanted to tell him I had no idea because I was stuck in this f*****g office doing reports that nobody ever reads, but I followed him out to look at it.

This scenario played out regularly. I needed bigger pants because that van became a 36-foot-long pain in my ass.

And then, one day it got a whole lot bigger.

“Petty Officer Munro! Red Alert! Red Alert! Have you seen the dental van today?”

“Uh, no sir.”

“Oh, you better get out there and take a look. The whole side is smashed in. How did it happen?”

Apparently, I had my clairvoyant radar off that day, since I didn’t have an answer for him. I wonder if he ever expected me to have one?

While I wasn’t exactly sure what a “Red Alert,” was, the damage was pretty bad. Of course, my boss wanted the driver punished. That was his usual suggestion. I always let the drivers off. This was way out of their comfort zone. Of course, I had to do a full investigation. And here’s what I discovered:

The van was damaged because a dumpster came loose and rolled into the path of the van as it was turning. The driver never saw it.

And why is that? The van was too f*****g big for the Delta Pier!

That was the reason. The drivers did the best they could. There is too much chaotic activity on a Navy pier to somehow expect there never to be any damage. If they had simply parked a few feet off the pier, it would have been just fine. But in the quest to be relevant, a dental van had to be in the thick of the action.

This was a system and process problem, sold as a people problem. And because of that, innocent drivers got ass chewings.

And that, my friend, is a huge problem.

People screw up. It’s in our nature. But often, systems and processes are at fault. It’s much easier to blame a person because it’s much easier to punish a person. You can’t shame or punish a system or process. It’s not any fun either.

Don’t fall into this trap. If you’re The Boss, your first reaction to a problem should be hands in pockets. Don’t blame or rush to judgment. Don’t settle on the most obvious cause. Learn to look deeper. Learn to look ahead strategically. Realize that all systems and processes are complicated and often fail. Most of the time, it’s not human error. It’s just easier to blame the humans.

When faced with a problem, think through these steps:

1. Is it a people problem or a process problem?

2. If it’s a people problem, deal with it using the 3-Legged Stool of Great Performance.

3. If it’s a process problem, start by mapping out the process with a flowchart. You can read about how to use these tools in some of my other books. This book is just to help you get started.

4. Look for areas of duplication and rework. These will likely be where you find the root issue.

5. Look for the root issue. No sense in trying to slap band-aids over stuff that needs to be amputated. If you don’t solve your problem at the root, it just keeps coming back, larger and stronger. Enlist the help of your team. Asking them to help you solve a problem engages them and shows them you’re human. If you show respect for their experience, they will reward you with their loyalty.

Your ability to make better decisions will grow over time. That’s the wisdom we talked about a few chapters ago. You’ll have to make lots of mistakes to sharpen your decision-making skills, but that’s how you’ll learn. Start with smaller problems to build your confidence, then work your way up to the bigger ones. This is where a mentor will be invaluable. Your coach, if you have one, will help too.

Don’t be like my old boss. Nothing looks more pathetic than an angry little man yelling and screaming over something completely irrelevant. It’s not a good look for you.

I hope you had a good weekend. I spent most of mine in a lot of heavy thought. It’s why you got that post from me yesterday.

But, I also worked on a sculpture. It’s just for practice. I call it “Bald Couple Waiting for the Bus at a Nudist Colony. Not sure it will end up in The Louve.

This week’s story takes us back to 1985. I hope you enjoy it, but when you read my stories, look for the meaning in them. It’s the reason I put myself through this exercise each week.

The Young Man and the Sea

It’s hot as hell at 1:30 p.m. on a Thursday afternoon in the spring of 1986. I’m sitting in the fighting chair of a fishing boat, several miles off Lizard Island—an Australian territory on the Great Barrier Reef in the Coral Sea.

Lizard Island

Sweat drips into my eyes, and the back of my neck burns, even under several layers of sunscreen. I’ve been in this chair for half an hour, listening to the engines grind and the chatter of the deckies. I close my eyes, just to get a break from the sting of the sweat. I leave them shut. Despite the heat, it’s relaxing. I can feel myself drifting off…

“F*****g hell!” one of the deckies screams as he leaps down from the bridge and charges toward me.

I jolt awake and grab the pole just as it nearly gets yanked out of my hands. I’ve got a bite. A big one. No clue what I’ve hooked yet—but it’s big.

A week earlier, my future ex-wife, her younger sister, and I met my father-in-law and his new wife in Sydney, Australia.

At 22, I’m way out of my league. I recently married my high school sweetheart and am stationed in Western Australia with the Navy. The only reason I’m here is because my alpha-male father-in-law is chasing a bucket-list dream: catching a black marlin. Us being stationed in Australia gives him the perfect excuse.

There’s another reason, too. My wife’s younger sister is in a rebellious phase, and her parents think getting her out of Newport Beach for a month might help. What’s the furthest place from California? Australia. So, she’s ours to babysit.

It’s not terrible—though she does manage to stir up some trouble. Nothing serious, just enough to be a pain in the ass. She’s the type to open the fridge and monkey-lip milk straight from the jug. And I’m not a fan of constant company.

Our reward? A first-class trip to the east coast of Australia. My wife’s family is wealthy.

We fly from Exmouth to Perth, then on to Sydney. My father-in-law’s new wife is a princess—not literally, but close enough. She has a full meltdown when she can’t order iced tea at a restaurant. We take a harbor cruise, see the famous opera house and harbor bridge, and the next day fly up to Cairns, Queensland. Tropical weather. This is where we’ll catch our charter flight to the marlin grounds.

Before that, we do a river-rafting trip. It’s the end of summer in the southern hemisphere, so the water’s low. The guides start a paddle splash fight to keep things fun. One gets too close and cracks my father-in-law across the nose, splitting it wide open. He takes it like a champ, even after several hours in the ER. The princess suggests suing the tour company. I’m glad he shuts her down.

The highlight, though, is the fishing. No clue what it costs, but it’s got to be a fortune. We board a twin-engine prop and fly an hour to Lizard Island, a tiny speck in turquoise water. We check into our rooms for the night, ready for the big day.

Our first day on the boat is uneventful. Phil, the captain—a Yank—walks us through the process.

We take turns in the fighting chair, one hour at a time. The crew has this routine down to a science. Three rods are baited and cast. Outriggers stretch the side lines wide, leaving the center pole straight back. The boat trolls along, hoping to lure a marlin. If it strikes while you’re in the chair, it’s your fight.

The two Aussie deckies—Spinner and Tappet—introduce themselves and run me through the demo. They strap a harness around me and anchor it to a cleat.

“You hook a grander and he drags you over, you’ll be seventy feet down in seconds,” Spinner says, grinning through a smile missing a few teeth.

Aussies love nicknames. Spinner comes from fishing rods. Tappet—well, as he explains with his own toothless mouth—is a type of wrench.

“People call me tappet-head.” Somehow, not surprising.

They slot the rod in front of me, then tell me to plant my feet on the platform. It’s like a leg press machine. Spinner holds the tip of the pole and tells me to push. I lift him clean off the deck. He laughs and says he hopes I’m the one to hook a “grander”—a 1,000-pound marlin. Me too. Just to piss off my father-in-law.

He doesn’t like me. Can’t blame him. I grew up barely middle class. The only reason I even met his daughter was because I went to a private school in Newport Beach, 25 miles from home. She and I couldn’t have been more opposite. From the start, I had a list of instructions about how to act around him. Dress a certain way. No jeans. No mustache—I’d “look Mexican.” Which is funny, since I actually am one-quarter Mexican. Maybe I should’ve told her to dye her blonde hair black before meeting my abuela.

He was right about one thing: I had no business marrying his daughter. But that didn’t make me feel any more comfortable around him.

Day one ends with nothing but me reading Stephen King’s Christine in between a few shifts in the chair.

Day two, we reel in a big wahoo and eat it for dinner. Delicious.

Day three, my father-in-law gets his shot. He’s in the chair when the line snaps from the outrigger. Phil slows the boat, and the rod bends into a brutal arc. Spinner and Tappet move fast, guiding him, while Phil throws the boat in reverse. My father-in-law reels furiously. Usually, this kind of fight can last hours.

Not this time. The marlin chokes on its stomach trying to throw the hook, and he drags it in easily. No fight. Once it’s gaffed and hauled alongside, it’s clear it’s no grander.

At the dock, the fish is hung by its tail and weighed. He poses for a picture, then sends the nose to a taxidermist in Cairns. He’s disappointed. Not what he hoped for. And tomorrow’s the last day.

Thursday morning, we head out, towing the marlin carcass. Phil slashes it with a gaff and shakes it violently. Sharks appear instantly, thrashing into a frenzy. Fascinating. Horrifying. The brutal reality of game fishing.

At 1:00 p.m., it’s my turn in the chair. Spinner and Tappet strap me in, set my feet, and hand me the rod.

At 1:30, it happens.

“F*****g hell!” Spinner yells as he bolts toward me.

I jolt awake, grabbing the pole just before it’s ripped away. I’ve got a bite. A big one.

I start to reel, but the line grinds to a stop. Phil throws the boat in reverse, sending spray across the stern, and I feel the line give a little. I gain fifteen feet, each mark on the line showing progress. Then the fish surges, peeling all of it back—and another six feet for good measure.

The line suddenly goes slack. I reel hard, frantic. Too easy. And then I see why.

A massive, dark-gray shape explodes out of the water twenty feet from the stern. The marlin crashes back with a violent splash and dives straight down, dragging the line with it. He’ll do anything to get rid of that hook.

For the next hour, it’s a back-and-forth battle between me and the fish. He’s strong and continues to drag back the line, but soon he begins to tire. At last, I reel him in, and he’s gaffed and roped to the side. Phil jumps down off the flying bridge and gives me a big hug. Catching a marlin on his boat is good for his bragging rights, and his business. He also knows he’ll get a big tip.

We make the ride in, arriving just before sunset. The marlin is hung by its tail and weighed. At 970 lbs., it’s no grander, but it’s still a catch. I feel like I should be celebrating, but instead I’m just sad.

As soon as the photos are taken, we rush to the airstrip to catch our flight back to Cairnes. On the flight back, I reflect on what happened.

F

From L to R: Me, Tappet, Spinner, and Phil

Catching this fish wasn’t something I dreamt about. It wasn’t on my bucket list. I had no desire to try and one-up my father-in-law this way. I didn’t need this to prove anything to him. The sad reality is that a beautiful specimen gave its life to stroke the ego of a wealthy man. I wished I wasn’t the one that brought it in.

When we visit the taxidermist the next day, he takes my payment of $500.00 to have the marlin’s bill mounted. My father-in-law has his done too, although he never displayed it. At least while I was married to his daughter. I can brag “mine’s bigger,” but all he’d have to do is show me his bank account to put the argument to rest. I suppose he displayed it someplace later.

My trophy sits behind my monitor on my desk. I don’t have the heart to get rid of it, but it’s a constant reminder of the folly and stupidity of trophy hunting. Maybe in some way by me keeping it, I’m somehow honoring that beautiful fish.

The trophy.

There are better ways to leave a positive mark on this world. Deer heads, stuffed birds, and marlin bills are trophies the laud conquerors and hunters and survival of the fittest and death. I hope I’m better than that. I’d rather leave a living legacy.

Epilogue

We left Australia for good in December 1988. The marriage ended a couple of years later. My ex remarried twice, and I wonder, down deep inside, if my ex-father-in-law didn’t admit that I was the best of the three. I’m sure I am. One was a grifter and tax cheat who left my ex with two additional kids and no support. He killed himself a few years ago. Her second was a preacher who supposedly had a movie coming out about his life. That marriage lasted a year.

My ex-father-in-law divorced the princess a year or so later. He then started dating a series of gold-diggers, eventually settling down and marrying for the third and final time. He passed away last year.

And me? I’m reflecting on all this while gazing reverently at the bill from that magnificent fish.

I am so sorry I had to be the one who brought you in. I wish I could take it back. You should still be swimming freely….

Some people rise to the occasion. They are at their best when chaos reigns and solutions seem elusive. They are stoic, think and act rationally, and have a knack for making a tough situation seem rather ordinary. We admire people like that.

And then there is everyone else…

One of the biggest challenges for my mom was learning new technology. It seemed to grow in prominence in her life even as she aged. My dad described her method of problem-solving a misbehaving computer or a confusing remote was “push every button until you figure it out.” That of course never worked. Their DVD player played every one of their movies in French until I was able to fix it for them.

Sadly, that’s how most of us solve a problem. We don’t really know what the root issue is so we go after the surface solution and try multiple attempts without documenting or testing anything which results in the occasional fix, but most often, a more complicated situation.

What’s the best way to solve a problem? Try this approach:

Step #1: Specifically define the problem. This means name the problem. Rather than “The TV’s broke” say “I can’t seem to figure out how to change the language from French back to English.”

Step #2: Get out all documentation and manuals you have. Intuition works occasionally but why reinvent the wheel when you can refer to some documentation.

Step #3: Work systematically while testing and documenting each step. Take a step. Test the result. Write down what the result was. When you get a step correct, take the next step. Stop, document, and move on. Then, when the problem is solved…

Step #4: Document everything you did. This way you have more data to use when you need Step 2 in a similar problem.

This is the standard way to solve a technology problem but it can certainly work in other areas.

* “John is a terrible employee” (Vague, subjective, and not very specific)

* “John is unreliable” (Better, but still not specific. What makes him unreliable?”

* “John never seems to be here when we need him” (Still better, but more specific please?)

* “John has been late 5 times in the past 2 weeks.” (Now we have something to work with!!!)

Work through the steps using documentation from time and attendance, the HR handbook, and of course any previous performance documentation. Then sit him down and figure out why he’s been late and get him to fix it. Rather than trying a bunch of solutions to motivate John, be sure to go through this methodically.

Our organizational value is quantified by how well we solve or prevent problems. Try these four steps next time you get challenged by a problem.

Have an AWEsome week!

* About This Book

* Preface

* Chapter 1: You’re The Boss. Now What?

* Chapter 2: Stick Your Head Up Your Ass (But Don’t Leave it There)

* Chapter 3: Better to Respected than Liked

* Chapter 4: Don’t Sweat the Load

“If I had six hours to chop down a tree, I’d spend the first four hours sharpening the axe.”—Abraham Lincoln

If I had six hours to chop down a tree, I’d spend it in my lounge chair with a beer watching the guy I paid do it for me. But that’s me.

As The Boss, you don’t have that luxury. And there are two axes for you to sharpen: you and your team. After all, your job is to get results through others. Think of them as your implements. Your resources. They are valuable, and you must maintain them—just like your axe. Don’t let them get rusty and dull.

Don’t let yourself go either. As you go, so does your team. Even the flight attendants tell you to put on your own oxygen mask before assisting others. No wonder you’re always sucking wind!

The YOU Axe

There are three ways to measure the sharpness of your YOU axe:

· Knowledge

· Skills

· Experience

Knowledge: What do I know?Skill: Do I know how to do it?Experience: How long have I been doing it?

All are important. You’ve likely met people who are academics—maybe other book-smart folks. They have a ton of knowledge, but debatable skills and likely little experience. They can teach you theory, tell you what might happen or should happen, but no actual experience.

It’s a place to start, though. You can also get knowledge through books and YouTube videos. There are some of my books for sale on Amazon, and if you look hard enough, you can probably find some of my old training videos floating around too.

Skill though, requires intervention. You might get it from specific training programs, mentors, and teachers. It’s the learning of how to do something. It’s the hands-on part of the experience.

My sculpting teacher, Nan Jacobsohn, begins each class with a demo of a project and some theory. Then, it’s time for the hands-on portion of class. We master the skill after obtaining the knowledge.

But Nan has decades of experience. She was sculpting when I was learning to drive. Her experience can’t be matched by any student. It takes time. No matter what I create, Nan’s version will be better. But the harder I try to match Nan’s creations, the better sculptor I become. I think I get better with each project. It’s my goal. Getting better should be your goal too.

And it will take time for you to gain that experience. I know this because, of all the managers I worked with in my consulting career, it was the rookies who made the worst mistakes. They don’t know any better, and sometimes managing people is unpredictable. But do it long enough, and you’ll start seeing the same patterns emerging. That’s when your knowledge and skills become experience. And now, you’re the complete package. Because:

Knowledge + Skill + Experience = Wisdom

Not dumb-ass-dom. Wisdom. As in WISE-dom. You know what to do, how to do it, and when to do it.

Do a self-evaluation. Have your boss and your HR business partner do one on you as well. That will tell you what training, coaching, and experience you’ll need.

Do I Need a Coach?

Absolutely! After all, professional athletes have coaches at every level of their sport. But if you notice, professional sports coaches don’t teach fundamentals. You’re not going to see an NBA head coach demonstrate proper dribbling techniques during a time-out. That stuff is learned much earlier. A coach’s job is to leverage the knowledge, skills, and experience you already have to help co-create a solution with you. Good coaches know you and know how to move you to a more effective place.

So yes, you need a coach. If your company pays for one, even better. You just need a good one. And trust me, there are more bad ones than good ones. It’s because anyone can call themselves a coach. That should frighten you. That’s like saying anyone can become a physician just by wearing a white coat, a stethoscope, and telling you to turn your head and cough. The only good news is that you can contact the American Medical Association to verify your doctor is who they say they are. Coaches, on the other hand, are the Wild West. It’s unregulated and there are a lot of coaches out there who have no business doing any coaching.

To find a good coach, get a referral. From somebody like me who knows what to look for. You should also only consider a coach who is credentialed by the International Coaching Federation (ICF). The credentials are Associate Certified Coach (ACC), Professional Certified Coach (PCC), and Master Certified Coach (MCC). Their prices go up the higher the credential, but that’s because of the hours of experience. You’ll likely be just fine with an ACC-credentialed coach.

And one last thing: Be sure you’re coachable. That means you’re the one suggesting getting a coach, you’re open to feedback, and you’re willing to put in the work. You do that, and coaching will benefit you. It will be worth the time and effort.

Do I Need a Mentor?

Absolutely! Mentors provide an experienced perspective. Good mentors have years of experience, which is a core building block of wisdom.

A coach leverages the knowledge you already have. A mentor supplements your knowledge with their experience. They likely won’t co-create a solution with you. Their job is to provide lessons learned from their experience. They’ve already fucked up enough to learn from that experience, so they can pass it along to you.

Mentoring happens through observation and discussion. Watching your mentor handle tough situations is a great way to learn. The discussion helps the lessons take on a larger life. A good mentor will tell you more of their failures than successes. Failure is where learning begins. Good mentors don’t pretend to know it all. In fact, the best mentors don’t believe they know enough to mentor someone. That’s how you find the best mentors.

I guess in a way, I’m your mentor. I’m not really teaching you skills in this book. I’m sharing experiences. Good, bad, and often ugly. There is no way I could have learned this in school. A two-year long master’s degree in organizational leadership taught me nothing but theory. 25 years working in the industry showed me everything, including the utter uselessness of theory. It’s what I’m passing along to you, my friend.

Your Direct Report Axe

Since your job is to get results through others, those others need to have their s**t together. It’s your job to make sure they do.

While you measure your success with the formula of Knowledge + Skill + Experience = Wisdom, you’ll need something a little different for your people. I’ll give it to you. It’s the best gift I can possibly give, besides my mentorship in this book.

It’s a tool. The 3-Legged Stool of Great Performance. I created it years ago and have taught it ever since. In a 3-legged stool model, all three legs need to be in place, or else it falls over. One leg is not more important than another. They all depend on each other.

You use it by asking a series of questions.

Here’s the scenario: Your direct report just fucked something up royally. You just got your ass chewed for it by your boss. Now you need to fix it.

First, take a deep breath. Put your hands in your pockets so you don’t strangle them. Get your emotions in check. Stop sweating the load.

Then, you ask your first question: “Do you even know what you’re doing?”

If the answer is no, you’ve just solved the problem. The first leg of the stool is the leg of SKILL. Skill means a person knows how to do something. If you didn’t know how to do it, no wonder you screwed it up.

We fix the SKILL leg through training. Training fixes skill problems. It doesn’t matter how you do the training: in-person demonstrations, online videos, books, demonstrations, etc. Then, you’ll need to evaluate if the person learned the skill.

There are complicated learning frameworks out there, different levels of evaluations. You don’t have time for that b******t. Here’s how you measure:

You: “Before you came to the class, did you know how to do XYZ?”Them: “No.”You: “Now that you attended this training and passed the exam, do you know how to do XYZ?”Them: “Yes.”You: “Problem solved.”

Of course, you want to verify learning through a demonstration and keep following up, but skill problems are the easiest ones you’ll deal with. The second leg will challenge you much more. It becomes a problem when someone KNOWS what it is they should be doing, they just don’t WANT to do it.

The second leg is the leg of WILL. If training fixes skill problems, what fixes will?You have two options: motivation and/or consequences.

Motivation

Motivation is a driving force that pushes a person to do something. Motivation can be intrinsic, which means it comes from within. I had an intrinsic motivation to create the next generation of great bosses. Nobody had to motivate me in this career. Ever.

But it can also be extrinsic. There are forces pushing you to do something. You do it for someone else, not yourself. Sometimes out of love, and sometimes out of compliance or obligation. Extrinsic motivation can also be a threat. The threat of termination is extrinsic motivation to get to work on time. A speeding ticket is extrinsic motivation to slow down.

Keep in mind, everyone, even the laziest, slovenly, slothful employee, is motivated. Maybe not motivated to do what you want them to, but something gets them out of bed in the morning. You just need to figure out what it is. You’ll accomplish this as you build rapport with your team. Some might need public recognition, while others are motivated by a “thank you” note on their computer. Pay attention, and your people will show you what works for them.

Sometimes, motivation needs a helping hand. That’s where consequences come in.

Consequences

In 2021, our daughter Allison graduated from college and moved to St. Louis for work. She got her Missouri driver’s license and license plates and settled in. 18 months later, she was recruited by a company in Texas and moved to Dallas. That’s when the trouble started.

Well, she didn’t think it was a problem, but my wife did. Allison didn’t get her Texas license or plates. The Missouri plates soon expired. Barb mentioned it, but Allison blew it off. This pissed off Barb something awful.

Unfortunately, she took it out on me.

“You need to tell her to get that license. She’s going to get pulled over and fined. You need to get her to get serious and fix this.”

I didn’t bother mentioning it to Allison. I know better. She does things on her timetable.

But Barb continued to b***h about it. Finally, I had enough. “Let’s let the Universe take care of this, Barb. Let Allison continue to drive, and when she inevitably gets pulled over, gets a ticket, and a serious fine, you’ll never have to worry again. She will never forget the lesson, and what’s better? When she has kids, she’ll harp on them about getting their license and plates, so you won’t even have to worry about your grandkids.”

Barb was pissed, but eventually, Allison got those plates.

Consequences are your friend. They can provide the harsh reality your words don’t.

But be careful you have the right, power, and ability to use consequences. Again, early in this new role, be sure to keep the communication lines open with HR. They can help you stay out of trouble.

You’ll probably spend quite a bit of time early on dealing with the WILL leg, but the largest proportion of your time will go to the last leg: the leg of FOCUS.

Focus Problems

Focus problems are those things that fall in between the lines of SKILL (I know how to do it) and WILL (I want to do it). Typically, people with focus problems are highly skilled AND highly motivated, just not successful. Here are some typical focus issues. Then, I’ll tell you how to fix them.

Focus Problem #1: Irritating and Unprofessional Behaviors Not Addressed in the Employee Handbook. This is the little annoying s**t that gets under your skin, like negativity, naysaying, talking over others in meetings, dominating the conversations, or basically annoying people to the point of exasperation. And yet, you’ll not find one of these behaviors mentioned in the Handbook.

That’s ok. You don’t need a f*****g Handbook. If a behavior is not acceptable, address it. I’ll tell you how in a moment.

Focus Problem #2: Misalignment with Corporate Values. Individuals have values. These are usually a list of the types of behaviors they won’t accept from someone. Typically, these are developed over time and are very personal. We are drawn to people and things that align with our values.

Corporations and organizations have values too. Typically, a list of behaviors we expect from each other and maybe how we treat our customers.

Where personal and corporate values align, there is harmony. A good fit. But if the opposite holds true, get ready for the fireworks!

People will not change their values. Organizations won’t either. If values don’t align, the employee needs to go. There is a process for this, which I’ll share in a moment. But we’re not through all the Focus problems yet.

Focus Problem #3: Big Picture Misalignment. In the 2009 film The Blind Side, loosely based on the life of NFL star Michael Oher, Sandra Bullock’s character watches in dismay as her adopted son Oher struggles to block in live practice. Knowing Oher’s vocational assessment highlighted a propensity for protective instincts, she interrupts practice to reframe the job of the left tackle.

“This team is your family, Michael. You need to protect them. From those guys,” she says, pointing to the defense, clad in red jerseys.

And he does. Oher has a Focus problem. He has the skill and will to play football, he just needs some alignment. Reframing the team as family shifts the focus. Now, Oher realizes how important his job is.

There will be times you’ll need to provide that alignment. Let your people know how what they do impacts the bottom line and the big picture. Frame their work in the important light it deserves.

But if this doesn’t work, I have a process to fix it. But we have one last focus problem to discuss.

Focus Problem #4: An Overall Bad Fit. In 2001, the organization I was working for hired a new communications director. He was a former staffer for a prominent member of Congress and had an ego the size of the national debt. Nothing he did was immoral or illegal, he was just a f*****g pain in the ass to work with. Everything was all about him.

Soon, his antics began to fray the edges of our crack team. We complained to the boss. He didn’t address it. Mercifully, this joker eventually left. But the damage was done.

Some folks are just not going to work out. Often, it’s unpredictable. And usually, it’s nobody’s fault. That said, cut your losses. Sooner rather than later. If the person shows no sign or interest in improving, move on. You have the rest of your team to think of.

Fixing Focus Problems

You’ll have more than enough focus problems to deal with, so don’t worry. After a while, this process will be second nature.

Step #1: Bring the Issue to the Attention of the Person Using Feedback. This is critical. If a person doesn’t know what they’re doing is wrong, how can they possibly fix it? Feedback must be intentional, clear, consistent, and frequent—especially early in a person’s tenure. Make sure your feedback is specific, done in private, and spells out the consequences of non-compliance clearly.

Then...

Step #2: If the person agrees, offer them coaching and/or a mentor. Coaching is not teaching or training. If their SKILL leg is strong, training is a waste of time. Leverage the knowledge they already have in co-creating the solution.

Step #3: BUT if the person disagrees, now you have a good old WILL problem to deal with. Get ready to bust out the motivation and/or the consequences.

Do you remember the steps?

1. Bring the issue to the attention of the person using FEEDBACK.

2. If they agree, provide COACHING and MENTORING.

3. If they disagree, unleash the MOTIVATION and/or CONSEQUENCES.

There. That’s how you sharpen your axe. You can start this process now. You already are if you’re reading this book, so keep at it.

Finally, one of the best ways to build both skill and rapport with your team is to take an active interest in their career development. Even if you’re managing a team of young people in places like a fast-food chain or car wash. If you can find these out, it gives you a great opportunity to develop them.

When you know the career paths of your team, you can then delegate tasks to them that will give them the knowledge and skills they need for their own professional development. You can certainly assign tasks randomly, but if you know a particular task would be attractive to someone for their development, consider them! You’ll get better performance out of them than you might have from yourself.

The final chapter of this book tells the stories of good bosses I had in the Navy. Nearly all took an active interest in my career development. All had a part in who I am today.

I hope you get that opportunity.

I hope you had a good weekend. I spent most of it in the studio on some sculpting projects.

For those who are interested, it’s Week #3 of retirement. Still processing it and not sure what’s next, but my bluetooth is in discovery mode.

I’m not sitting idly on my ass though. My newest book The Art of Storytelling - How to Master the Universal Human Language is out in paperback and Kindle. Today’s story is in it, but most importantly, I’ll teach you how to tell a story and when to use it. It will be available by chapter on Substack in a few months. My public speaking book is in the queue first. You can get it on Amazon HERE.

This story was one I used to use in management courses years ago. I hope you’ll enjoy it!

And now…The Lady in the Orange Dress

It’s a Wednesday afternoon in April 2007 and I’m on one of my most arduous business trips. I’ve been at this career now for about four years and have had some tough groups. Some of them in rough locations. Once, I spoke to a bunch of factory line managers in a filthy break room. I hung my flip charts on a Coke machine.

But this is different. I’m working with a group of government contracting supervisors on a Royal Caribbean cruise. It’s not arduous at all. But If I didn’t start the story that way, you might not believe me now.

The group contacted me a few months before. They wanted to know if I’d be willing to accompany them on a cruise and do some training. That would justify it as a business/teambuilding trip.

When I asked how much time they needed me for, they told me a half day. I pushed back. It wasn’t worth it for me to take five days off and get paid for one.

But they insisted I come along.

“We’ll pay your daily rate for all five days, plus your accommodations and travel, and if you like, you can bring your wife along.”

Now it was sounding better! I told Barb and she was excited.

For a day or so.

Then she realized she couldn’t make the trip. Too many work commitments. She was still on active duty in the Navy.

So, I decide to take one for the team and go by myself. In my defense, my wife told me to go. I think she visualized that big check I’d be bringing in.

I had been on a cruise decades before on my honeymoon with my first wife. It was in 1985. I just remember a bunch of old people on it playing shuffleboard.

This was different. First, it was right during Spring break season. 2/3 of the passengers were college kids, partying with their parent’s money.

FYI: If your college-aged kids ask you for money to go on a cruise on Spring break, I recommend your answer be: F**K NO!!

I won’t tell you what I saw, but trust me, just say no.

Second, it was a lot more modern than the ship I was on in 1985. And we would be visiting different ports.

I don’t have my group until Thursday morning, so on this Wednesday afternoon, I am lying on a lounge chair, reading Jack Canfield’s The Success Principles and listening to the DJ down below on the pool deck spinning reggae songs.

I notice people getting up out of their lounge chairs and standing along the rail, looking down into the pool area.

There is a medium sized pool bookended by two hot tubs. Rows of lounge chairs surround it. At one end there is a bar. The other side opens into one of the many buffets. Then, surrounding the entire scene, covered by the deck above, are seating areas with tables.

I don’t know what everyone is looking at, so I join them along the rail.

And there she is. A middle-aged woman in an orange sundress with a big floppy white hat. And she has been camped at the bar for some time.

As the music plays, the lady in the orange dress decides to move towards the makeshift dance floor. She isn’t looking for a partner. She just feels the spirit or likely the spirits move her to dance, I guess. And she does.

A little goofy and conservative at first. Then, as her confidence grows, so do her movements. It’s as if a younger, sexier version of her is awakened. And she leans into it.

The crowd above and below grows. Spurred on by the attention and the legion of margaritas she’s consumed, she gets even more loose. The crowd smiles and shouts its approval.

And then… she spies the brass pole that supports the awning over the bar. She seductively gyrates toward it.

“Please don’t go to the pole,” I silently plead, not wanting to see the upcoming train wreck.

Apparently, I am the only one not interested in seeing the spectacle because the crowd is behind her.

Mercifully, just as she slings a leg around the pole, a couple of the ship’s crew comes along and helps escort her off and inside the ship. The show is over.

The next morning, I head down to the breakfast buffet early. I want to eat before everyone starts putting their dirty paws all over the food. I don’t want my trip to end with explosive diarrhea from Norovirus.

In the corner, sitting alone, is the lady in the orange dress. She’s wearing shorts and a t-shirt now, but I can’t forget that face. Since there are only a few folks here, I decide to go over to her and sit near her.

We make eye contact, and she says hello. I respond and find a seat near her. She doesn’t notice me studying her.

I don’t know what I expected. For someone who nearly did a striptease in front of strangers, she seems really calm and nice. Like that was another person. But it’s her.

I don’t tell her I saw the show yesterday. I’m sure she didn’t want a reminder. She looks a bit tired and worn out. Likely hung over. Not surprising, I guess.

I don’t know who she is or what she does. Perhaps she’s an important woman. Wealthy. Maybe her passion is charity work. This trip is an opportunity to relax and recharge. I guess yesterday took it all out of her because today she seems beaten down. Maybe even a little ashamed. But a really nice person.

I didn’t see her the rest of the cruise.

And I still think about this years later.

I had two encounters with her. The one that made the biggest impression was the first one. No matter how amazing she is on a daily basis, one afternoon of poor judgement ruined it.

Sadly, people will judge you based on what they see, not what you intend to communicate with them. Let that be a lesson for you.

Have an AWEsome week!

I hope you had a good week so far. Before we go on, I’d like to give a shout out to my friend and spiritual mentor Lauren Smith who just published Notes from the Hollow, Healing Truths for the Heavy Heart. I got my copy last week and am enjoying the short reflections. It’s perfect for me in this new season of life. I think you’d enjoy it too!

And now…Maybe the World’s Not Quite Ready for You Just Yet

Lately, I’ve been hooked on a unique Cooking Channel show called Big Bad BBQ Brawl. It features two brothers, Shannon and “Big” Rich Ambrosio, owners of a successful BBQ food truck in Brooklyn, New York, traveling the country to challenge local chefs in fun, head-to-head competitions.

In a recent episode, the Ambrosio brothers entered a full BBQ competition in Florida. This meant going up against real pitmasters in three categories: brisket, ribs, and chicken. Wanting to wow judges accustomed to sweet Southern flavors, they served Italian-style brisket, Vietnamese-flavored ribs, and non-traditional chicken.

They didn’t place in any category—and they were crushed.

This is my version of a traditional Texas brisket. 16 hours of cooking time. You can have this half.

Here’s the lesson: while their food was good, the Florida judges weren’t ready for it. A great idea, wrong place, wrong time.

We’ve all been there, haven’t we? We pitch a brilliant new process and the boss shuts it down. We launch a product or service we know customers will love, and they ignore it. We pick the “perfect” restaurant or gift for a partner, and it falls flat.

In all these cases, we approached the idea from our perspective—not from the audience’s.

I know, it’s that Golden Rule thing: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” But here’s the truth—most people don’t care what you want. They care about what they want.

So maybe, before we launch something new, we should do a little market research—or at least some careful observation. Innovation is exciting, but it’s also risky. The world might not be ready for your idea… yet.

It takes patience and thoughtful preparation.

This week, before you unleash your next big idea—whether on the market or in your relationship—ask yourself:

1. Is there a need for this right now?

2. Is there a need for this ever?

3. Am I convinced it’s great without testing it?

4. What’s my plan if it’s rejected?

I’m not here to discourage you—just to help you stack the odds in your favor.

Have an AWEsome week!

* About This Book

* Preface

* Chapter 1: You’re The Boss. Now What?

* Chapter 2: Stick Your Head Up Your Ass (But Don’t Leave it There)

* Chapter 3: Better to Respected than Liked

Chapter 4 - Don’t Sweat the Load

My introduction to the Navy came on the evening of December 5, 1983, when I arrived at boot camp in San Diego, CA.

I was assigned to Company 204 with 79 other young men. It was nearly nine weeks of sleep deprivation, inspections, endless education sessions, physical training, and hours of close order drill. You are in fear most of the time, hoping you don’t f**k up, and yet, boot camp is designed to make even the most squared-away individual an occasional f**k-up. And when you do, you’ll be doing push-ups until you're blue in the face, or worse, doing an hour-long PT session at 8 PM with the Navy SEALs in an event known as “marching party.”

The fear continues as you leave boot camp and go to your specialty training. Fear you’ll flunk out. Fear you’ll somehow forget something and get in trouble. And when training ends and you get to your first duty station, the fear only grows.

Your supervisor is afraid you’ll f**k up, and he’ll get his ass chewed because of you. His supervisor fears the same thing. It goes all the way up to the Commanding Officer. He’s afraid someone under his command will f**k up and he’ll be in trouble for it. You should know this if you read the news. Commanding Officers are relieved for things that happen several layers beneath them, yet they are accountable. And it terrifies them.

And since everyone is afraid of everything and everybody, there is a pervasive culture of fear. And when you’re afraid, you either tuck and run, or you try to be superhuman. You fight your fear by creating other variants of fear. Before you know it, everyone you know is terrified of something, and the more power you have, the more you “sweat the load,” as we used to say. You yell and scream and look pissed all the time. That’s the look of a squared-away sailor.

And no Chinese, or Russians, or North Koreans have even fired a shot. God forbid that happens. There was enough stress in the ranks without a war when I was in. Maybe a war would have fixed that.

But the stressed, pissed off, screaming leader is a bad look for you. Or anyone. If you want to make your direct reports lose any respect for you, wait for a stressful situation and then proceed to yell and scream and throw things. Look busy and angry. The only thing that will complete your look would be a hat with a set of mouse ears on it. Now you look the part. The part of a useless leader who can’t handle stress.

Since you want to be better, let me tell you the secret. It’s not a secret, just a practice: Stay calm under pressure.

You may remember the Boat People, Cambodian refugees who fled the Khmer Rouge in the 1970s. They fled genocide and oppression, boarding fishing boats to escape. Nearly 400,000 of those folks didn’t survive the journey. When researchers looked at the data of the surviving Boat People, they found each boat that made the journey had a leader onboard who didn’t panic when attacked by pirates or sharks or storms. Their calm kept the other passengers calm. Calm is contagious. But so is sweating the load.

After 15 years of having to sweat the load, I was mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausted. And I was never deployed in combat. Why all the stress?

But you have the freedom to create a culture not based on fear, but on performance. Not on stress, but on achieving goals. How do you keep your head when all hell is breaking loose around you?

Protect Yourself at All Times. It’s normal to be afraid of things. I’m afraid of heights. My mom is afraid of clowns. Liberals are terrified of conservatives. Conservatives fear liberals. Face your fear but keep your scared face to yourself.

Think about flight attendants. If the plane is bumpy, look at the flight attendants. If they look calm, then calm your ass down. If they buckle up and start doing the sign of the cross, then maybe send a farewell text to your family. Their face dictates what yours should be. So, for you, stay calm under pressure. That’s contagious. Sweating the load makes you look pathetic. If you do, be sure to keep the mouse ears close by.

Identify Your Trigger Points. We all have them. We discussed them a few chapters ago. But now it’s time for action. If there are certain things that piss you off, avoid those things. For me, it was going to Costco on a Friday night when our kids were young. I was tired and stressed. The Costco in Gaithersburg, MD, was a dump—small, hot, loud, and crowded. The worst part was the freeloaders eating samples at the end of each aisle, blocking my path out of that hellhole. When this led to me ramming a shopping cart through the aisle, right into the asses of people blocking the aisle, I realized I was not mature enough to go to Costco on a Friday night. I suppose with therapy, I might eventually have gone back, but it was easier to just avoid it.

Manage Your Trigger Points. This is the hard part. Just like we talked about in Chapter 2, knowing your triggers is just the first part. You’ll have to manage or avoid them. And all this needs to be done out of sight. Your direct reports need to see the confident version of you, not the stressed-out, panic-driven, sweat-soaked, fear-filled version you feel on the inside. You can reveal more of your REAL self to your team another time, when there is no stress.

You won’t have to worry if your new role will be stressful. It will be. More than any job you’ve ever had. Now that you know that, start preparing yourself. I’ll have a guide for you on that in the next chapter.

I begged my parents to let me take music lessons. They were more than happy to support me and asked what instrument I wanted to play. I chose the trumpet. Every Thursday at 4 p.m., I took a 30-minute lesson with Walter Palmer at Wynn’s Music in Tustin.

Mr. Palmer was probably in his 40s. He had a huge mustache and could play multiple instruments. I brought him a check for five dollars each week, and he taught me new notes and techniques, encouraging me to practice an hour a day.

At first, it was fun—and I was good. I went to a Lutheran K–8 school, and our music teacher, Ms. Pat O’Tera, encouraged me. She was organizing a marching band for the Santa Ana Christmas Parade. We didn’t have enough students, so she partnered with a Catholic school—The School of Our Lady. Kind of ironic for Lutherans and Catholics to march together, considering their storied past. Probably wouldn’t happen today.

Getting ready to march in the Christmas parade. That’s my best friend Brian Griset.

Playing in a band was fun. The marching part? Not so much. I had no idea I’d be marching again a few years later in Navy boot camp. Whatever joy I found in it disappeared once it became mandatory—all day, every day, for eight weeks.

It made me want to play other instruments. I wanted to be like Ms. O’Tera. Well, not exactly like her—she was significantly overweight, and both she and the inside of her tiny Ford Pinto were covered in cat hair. But I admired how she could pick up any instrument, wipe off the mouthpiece, and just play.

Since playing trumpet meant I could play other brass instruments like the French horn and flugelhorn—and I’d already mastered all the notes and fingerings—I asked my parents if I could take violin lessons. That way, I could learn strings next. Woodwinds would follow.

That was the plan.

My parents disagreed. They wanted me to focus on just one thing. Eventually, I lost interest. I wouldn’t pick up the trumpet again until 1985, when I was overseas and volunteered to play in a quartet, going Christmas caroling with a bunch of other sailors. After that, I never had the desire again.

When I launched my management training and consulting business, I was so excited I took on any project—regardless of whether I was interested or even qualified. I was supremely confident and had no problem faking it until I made it. It didn’t take long before I mastered a bunch of different disciplines and skill sets.

Work was fun. Each client was different. Some needed help with outplacement and résumés. Others wanted basic management training. A few asked for conflict resolution sessions. Some needed help with performance management systems or process improvement. I felt like a handyman—good at many things. And unlike my Navy days, no two days were the same.

One of the best parts was changing brands. I’ve operated under numerous DBAs over the years. I guess wearing the same clothes and doing the same job every day for 15 years in the Navy made me go a little crazy. Just look at some of my brands.

Nobody puts Mack in a corner. Or a box for that matter!

In 2018, I felt pressured to narrow my focus. My wife had been after me for years. Lisa Young too. At the Tennessee State SHRM conference in Nashville that year, both Barb and Lisa told me: pick a name and stick with it. That’s when Boss Builders was born.

Then came the hard part—figuring out my specialty. Apparently, that’s the secret to scaling a business.

I worked with a business coach for a year and followed all his advice.

But it didn’t feel like me.

I was asked to get in a box—and stay there.

Don’t get me wrong. I liked the box. I just didn’t like the idea of living the rest of my work life in it.

I doubled down on the focus and came up with a marketing pitch:

I work with frustrated HR professionals who are tired of their team leads, managers, and supervisors underperforming.

So focused. So narrow. An inch wide and a mile deep. That’s the recipe.

For regular people, anyway.

Remember—I’m the guy who wanted to play every musical instrument known to man. If my parents had let me, I might be a didgeridoo virtuoso by now.

I’ll learn to play this if I f*****g feel like it!

Just like I was put in a box back then, I felt my spirit boxed in now. I started turning down work that genuinely interested me—all so I could stay focused on my “one thing.” I did everything they told me to do. But I wasn’t happy anymore.

Especially when that “one thing” dried up.

I loved doing workshops. I still loved training. But the forced focus took a lot of that joy away.

Of course, none of this really matters now. I’m retired from that career. But I’ve learned to listen to the real me—the one who nerded out on a Sousa march, the kid who wanted to play every musical instrument, the musician who could appreciate vintage country, classical, or whatever sounded good. Someone who would never thrive in a box, a uniform, or a singular cause.

That’s the real me.

And in this next—and final—career, I’ll do whatever I damn well please. If I want to play the kazoo or bang spoons on the table, I’ll do it. If I feel like teaching a workshop on storytelling, nobody’s holding me back.

It took me 61 years to figure out who I really am. But now that I know, I’m aligning everything to that.

What about you?What box are you living in?Are you comfortable? Good.But how stable is that box?How long will you be safe there?

I’m learning more about myself every day.

What are you learning?

Have an AWEsome week!

Sunrise from my front porch

All were beautiful, but nothing inspires me more than a sunrise.

I didn’t grow up a “morning person.” Growing up, I’d sleep in as long as I could. The Navy changed that a bit, but once I settled into a routine, I quickly went back to sleeping in as long as possible. With my first wife, we’d sleep in until around 11 on a weekend, eat breakfast, then go back to bed for a couple of hours. Then stay up watching movies until about 2 a.m. And repeat.

That changed when Krystal was born. I started getting up earlier to be up with her so my wife could sleep in. Later, when I discovered computers, I’d get up around 5 a.m. just to have some time to tinker before heading to work.

After that relationship ended and I got serious about college, I officially became a “morning person.” It was the only time I could write papers and do homework. Since Barb and I now had a young child of our own, getting up early was the only way to get anything done. And the habit stuck.

Now I’m up at 5 a.m., regardless of the day, with or without an alarm. But my favorite thing to do is watch the sun rise. Maybe the most inspirational one was on a long drive I took from California to Tennessee in 1992. I’d been driving most of the night, and just as I was getting close to Amarillo, Texas, the sun began to rise. I’m not sure why it struck me as so beautiful—maybe it was because I’d been in the dark for so long. Watching the sky lighten, then shift into shades of pink and purple as it brightened, felt almost like being reborn.

Sunrise over Maryland’s Eastern Shore

Here are some other reasons I prefer sunrise:

· Beginning of a New Day: Sunrises mark the start of something new—symbolizing fresh opportunities and a chance for a reset, which can be incredibly inspiring.

· Quiet and Serene: Mornings are often peaceful, with fewer people around. It’s a more intimate and personal connection with nature.

· Promise of Potential: A sunrise represents hope—a reminder that the day ahead is full of possibility.

· Renewal and Rejuvenation: The slow, colorful rise of the sun inspires a sense of renewal, almost like a natural awakening.

· Inner Reflection: Sunrise offers a peaceful moment for quiet reflection, intention-setting, and mindfulness.

· Rarity of Experience: Since most people aren’t up that early, a sunrise feels like a rare and special gift.

· Optimism and Energy: The vibrant colors and brightening sky create a surge of energy and optimism—fuel for a good day.

· Connection to Nature: Watching the sunrise roots you to the natural world, bringing perspective and awe.

· Physical Health Benefits: Science backs it up—morning light helps regulate circadian rhythms, improves mood, and boosts well-being.

Enough about me.

Which inspires you more: sunrise or sunset?

Respond back and let me know.

* About This Book

* Preface

* Chapter 1: You’re The Boss. Now What?

* Chapter 2: Stick Your Head Up Your Ass (But Don’t Leave it There)

In 1997, shortly after I nearly killed my boss (the story is in the preface), the Command decided to rotate its senior petty officers. I was brought to Command headquarters at the Puget Sound Naval Shipyard (PSNS) to run the I.T. department known as MID. My wife, Barb, was sent from admin at PSNS up to the SUBASE where I used to work. Mercifully, the Command decided to move my old grinning boss out. Barb would have killed him. I’m convinced of it.

We were taking our graduate program in the evenings, and now, with my decision made to eventually become a management consultant, I took classes seriously. I enjoyed reading volumes of information, far beyond just my textbooks. Research fascinated me. I thought of doing some myself.

A year after being moved to PSNS, I put together a little research project. It centered around management style. My style was a little laissez-faire, where I provided little supervision, and Barb’s was a lot of command and control. I wanted to interview those techs who had been there for both of our tenures and see which style they preferred.

This wasn’t a real research project. It lacked any scientific rigor, whatever that is. Plus, I already knew what the results would be. In a world where command and control were the norm, who wouldn’t prefer laissez-faire? I sure as hell preferred it, even though it was scarce in the Navy.

I was shocked when the results showed the exact opposite. To a person, they preferred Barb. When I asked why, the answers were clear. And unanimous.

“We preferred DT1 Barb,” said one. “When you told us we couldn’t do something, we all knew we could wear you down. When DT1 Barb says no, she means it. And we respect that.”

At first, I was angry. I spent each day protecting those techs from our evil boss. I cut them slack, took on their responsibilities, and received more than my share of ass-chewings for them.

But I realized later that my goal was to be liked. To be popular. To be the best boss I could possibly be in a sea of terrible ones. To be compassionate and empathetic. To care for people beyond just telling them what to do.

Turns out being liked is a terrible goal. Work to be respected. To be taken seriously. Not by creating an environment of fear. To have rapport with everyone. Do that, and eventually, you might be liked. Strive to be liked, and you’ll exhaust yourself and end up just being pitied.

Why is this simple piece of advice ignored?

Look at the picture below. It’s a four-quadrant graph:

On the Y-axis, you see empathy. You remember empathy from Chapter 1. Our willingness to see a situation from someone else’s perspective. The opposite of empathy is sympathy. It’s looking at a situation from our own perspective. One isn’t better than the other; they’re just different.

The X-axis shows how we make decisions—the difference between emotional and rational. Emotional decisions favor what people like. Rational decisions are data-based. Again, one isn’t better than the other. They’re just different. But this does make a neat little graph, doesn’t it?

Most people in your situation think the top-left quadrant is the best place to start. I certainly did. We look at our people’s lives and remember what it was like to be them. I remembered being a chairside dental assistant, chained to the f*****g chair all day and at the whims of a dental officer who was determined to win the battle on tooth decay singlehandedly. I remembered what it felt like to have the dentists yell at me and throw instruments and run me through lunch and late at the end of the day. And because I cared about my people, I made emotional decisions based on my experiences.

Friend, that’s not sustainable. I found that out the hard way. Before I knew it, I had a revolving door with people coming in to complain, cry, whine, or vent. The little candy dish I kept stocked with fun-sized Snickers was continually empty. And eventually, my patience was emptied too.

I stopped putting my heart into things. Or people. I was exhausted. I moved from empathy to sympathy. And even though I was making emotional decisions in favor of my people, on the inside, I just didn’t give a s**t anymore. I just started feeling sorry for them and for myself.

That led me to the bottom-right quadrant on the graph. I stayed in sympathy but moved to rational decisions. I became calloused.

Calloused.

Let’s talk about callouses. Normally, they form on your feet. It’s a build-up of skin. If you’ve ever had a pedicure, you know why they soak your feet in hot water and use that cheese grater to scrape your feet. They are sanding callouses off your wretched feet. The skin flies off like little wood chips. I know. I’m describing my own experience.

You can’t feel things with callouses. Growing up, my dad had a bad thyroid condition. As a result, his feet had thick callouses on them. One day, my brother and I were running through the house. We stopped when we passed our dad, who was sitting on the couch with his feet on the glass coffee table. He had a thumbtack stuck in the bottom of his left foot. He had no idea.

That’s where you’ll end up, you employee-hugging, chocolate-jar-stocking rookie. Please don’t fall for it. Don’t get sucked into it.

You don’t need to start off as a hard ass. But realize that the top-right quadrant on the graph is where you need to be. Be empathetic. Never forget where you came from. If there is a Hell, there is a special place in it for those who came from the ranks and became a******s once they get power.

But also, be rational. Make your decisions based on data, norms, and policy. Just remember to build rapport using empathy and communicate freely and openly on the how and why of your decisions.

That’s how respect begins. Like trust, you’ll always need to build and rebuild it, but once it’s lost, it rarely returns.

I, of course, am on nobody’s radar. I won’t be born for another four years. In fact, I’m the reason my parents decided to marry so soon. Which means, for obvious reasons, I’m not watching This Is Your Life live on black-and-white television.

This show, hosted by Ralph Edwards, brings out celebrities and tells their life stories, complete with pictures and surprise guests. The guest of honor is clueless until each chapter of their life is revealed—and then, one by one, people from their past walk out on stage.

Tonight’s guest is former heavyweight boxing champion Joe Louis. At 46, he’s overweight and aging. Poor choices in managers have left him broke. He’ll eventually end up working as a doorman at a casino in Las Vegas in the final years of his life—just to make ends meet.

But tonight, he’s being honored. Edwards tells his story and brings in guests from Louis’s past. One by one, they come out to greet the champ.

And then, the moment the audience has been waiting for:From Hamburg, Germany—the first man to knock Louis out—Max Schmeling.

Louis and Schmeling fight two epic battles. The first, in 1936, is supposed to be an easy win for Louis. He doesn’t train as hard and puts on weight. Schmeling, on the other hand, studies what little film is available at the time. He notices a glaring weakness in Louis’s defense.

Schmeling knocks Louis out in the 12th round. The African American community is devastated. Louis was their hero. The black press shames Louis. Schmeling returns to Germany a national hero. Though he never joins or supports the Nazi Party, Hitler and his propaganda minister, Joseph Goebbels, turn him into a convenient PR tool. Goebbels even manufactures quotes where Schmeling supposedly declares himself a member of a superior race.

The rematch happens two years later.

This time, Yankee Stadium is packed. By 1938, Nazi aggression has the world on edge. This is no longer just a boxing match. It’s a battle of ideologies: a so-called "Master Race" vs. a so-called inferior one.

Louis knocks out Schmeling in the first round.

Schmeling returns to Germany in shame. He is drafted into the army and serves as a paratrooper. He survives the war, eventually becames an executive at Coca-Cola, and passes away in 2005 at the age of 99.

But on this night in 1960, Louis and Schmeling are all smiles and hugs. They will remain friends until Louis passes away in 1981 at the age of 66.

This Is Your Life is a beautiful night of memories.

When I “retired” from the Navy in 1999, I didn’t have a ceremony. Traditionally, Navy retirements happen after 20 years, but I was fortunate enough to qualify for an early retirement program. Because I had 15 years in, I could retire and receive 33% of my base pay—$800 per month for life. (COLA would increase that amount over time.) Plus, I’d get all the usual retirement benefits.

Which meant I could have had a retirement ceremony. I just didn’t want one. Barb had already transferred to Millington, TN with our son, and I didn’t see the point.

I made myself a little shadow box with my meager military awards. The Command presented it to me, along with a second Navy Commendation Medal. I gave a short speech, and Barb sent a letter that was read aloud. Then it was over. I tossed my uniforms in the dumpster right outside the building and returned to being a civilian.

My retirement ceremony. In uniform but even then losing the battle against hair loss.

When Barb retired in 2012, it was a big production. First, she was an officer. Second, she had 30 years in.

I put together a slideshow of her career set to instrumental country music. It played before the ceremony started. There were speeches and tributes. I read a poem about the flag during a moving moment where people representing all of Barb’s ranks passed the flag along to each other with a slow, deliberate salute. It was all played to the tune of Proud to Be an American. Finally, the flag was handed to Barb, and she presented it to her father.

It was powerful. It gave closure to her career.

When I made the decision last year to retire from Boss Builders, it felt more practical and pragmatic than emotional. Even though those years were the best and most rewarding of my professional life, the slowdown in business drained me. The passion wasn’t there anymore. I was done.

Last week was my final gig. I flew to Gonzales, LA to do two, one-day workshops. They were satisfying. Not particularly emotional—until the final night.

That evening, I walked past the hotel training room one last time. On one of the tables was a lone box of crayons. For some reason, that hit hard.

The next morning, I got up early to fly home. I didn’t feel much different—but I knew my world had changed.

I didn’t have a professional identity anymore.

And yet, at 61, I’m not old enough to spend my days at the Senior Center playing bingo and doing chair aerobics with a bunch of 80-year-olds that smell like mothballs.

Sitting in Louis Armstrong Airport, updating my LinkedIn profile—that’s when it hit me.

There really isn’t a placeholder on LinkedIn that fits me. So, I just typed:Retired at Retired.

But that felt almost disrespectful.

I’ve toyed with the idea of doing public speaking and storytelling coaching, so I reworked my LinkedIn profile for that. You can check it out HERE.

But I’m still not sure. I don’t want to make any rash decisions. People tell me to take a few months off, and they’re probably right. But I don’t want complacency to creep in. I also don’t think I’ve fully processed the decision yet.

I know that because on Saturday night—after a wonderful day with our daughter Allison and her partner Austin—Barb handed me a wrapped package.

When I opened it, I immediately became emotional. It was a scrapbook that Lisa Young put together. The title was:

Mack Munro. The Boss.

Essentially, it was my This Is Your Life.

Friends, clients, colleagues, and family all wrote tributes and Lisa placed these lovingly among photographs.

I didn’t make it past the first page without breaking down. It was a letter from my son, Dustin.

I read the ones from Krystal, my oldest—and of course, from Allison.

But Barb’s was the most special. She drew a parallel between her retirement and mine.

Navy retirements are solemn occasions. Lots of ceremony and tradition. Here’s what she wrote:

“As we say in the Navy, ‘You have stood the watch.’ In essence, it is a powerful and symbolic way to express gratitude and recognition for a service member’s commitment and service to their country. This also recognizes you for your service and commitment to all the existing, new, and upcoming leaders.

The statement that follows—‘The watch stands relieved’—signifies that the remaining service members, or leaders, will continue to carry out the duties and responsibilities of the watch.

Trust that you have bestowed the knowledge and tools to all the managers you have trained to carry on and be successful.”

Now I understand why she was so emotional at her own ceremony.

She was leaving something good and walking into the unknown.

When I left the Navy, I knew exactly what I wanted—and I hated what I was leaving. No closure needed. I just wanted to get the F**K OUT OF THE NAVY AS SOON AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE.

But not this time. Not this career.

This one meant something. It still does.

I knew it in Louisiana last Thursday night as I packed to go home. I debated bringing my two black Boss Builders golf shirts back. They were dirty and I wouldn’t need them anymore, but it was hard to let go. I did. I knew I had a few more here at home in the closet.

Or I did anyway. Today I got up the courage to put them in the Good Will bag. Besides, I have a few long sleeve denim Boss Builders shirts I use for sculpting and painting. So it will still be with me.

And as I still try—three days later—to get through that scrapbook without breaking down in uncontrollable tears, I realize: I do need closure.

This Is Your Life.

This was my life.

And it was a damned good one.

As I read through each testimonial, I realize that much of what people are thanking me for—remembering me for—are things I honestly don’t even recall doing. And the ones I do remember didn’t seem all that special at the time.

But for the person who experienced them? They meant the world.

Just like Joe Louis’s eyes lit up when Max Schmeling walked out from behind the curtain—mine are doing the same.

If this is what you remember about me, I’m so grateful you told me. I’m honored to have been part of your life.

This part of my life has been amazing. I’m happy you were part of it with me.

I hope you’ll continue to follow me and stay in touch. I am deeply grateful for you.

And now, like I tell my spiritual advisors Lauren Smith and Sherile Turner—I’m doing the equivalent of being Bluetooth discoverable.

Just waiting for the Universe to send a signal.

Waiting.

Patiently.

Sort of.

Have an AWEsome week!

First, there were the Batman movies, which built on the original 1960s TV series with Adam West (with several different actors), and the Superman movies with Christopher Reeve. Then came The Hulk and Spider-Man. Then nothing. Then, of course, came the wave of other superhero movies and the phenomenon of multiple Hulk reboots, two more Spider-Man reboots, another Batman reboot, and then, of course, Batman v Superman.

And now we have the MCU and DCU, with even more Spider-Men, Batmen, Supermen, and various other freaks—like a talking fox in the Guardians movies.

It’s not just superheroes. Since the original Jaws movie in 1975, there have been four sequels and several other killer sharks in movies. Just when you think it’s safe to go back into the water…

I was afraid to go in the swimming pool in 1975.

What does this all have to do with you? Well, how original are you? How groundbreaking are your ideas?

There’s a risk in being first and being original. You could, of course, be wildly successful. That’s what happened 50 years ago with the original Jaws movie. Even though the shark looked fake, the terror kept people off real-life beaches. Sequels tried to recapture that same magic, but aside from more realistic sharks and bloodier human feedings, they just didn’t have the same effect. There was always a comparison to the original.

On the other hand, you might fail. It’s possible. But here’s the thing: even if it fails, you were the first to try. Even if someone builds on and perfects your idea, they still keep YOU in the conversation. Someone else is trying to improve what YOU started. YOU started it. You’re still memorable.

Hollywood seems to have lost its creativity. And the more it happens, the more I think about and miss Adam West, Christopher Reeve, and the robotic, fake shark Bruce. The more you copy the original, the more the original shines.

What new idea have you been thinking about proposing? What new direction have you been contemplating in your current career path? Instead of waiting for affirmation from what’s already been tried, why not be the pioneer who is remembered—if for no other reason than simply being first.

* About This Book

* Preface

* Chapter 1: You’re The Boss. Now What?

Chapter 2: Stick Your Head Up Your Ass (But Don’t Leave it There)

By the time 1997 rolled around, I was absolutely done with the Navy. I knew what I’d do when I got out, but I still had to put up with my old career for another 18 months. My list of grievances was long. I was tired of the micromanagement, the culture of fear, and the zero-defect mentality. It seemed like a whole lot of activity, anxiety, and stress over… of all things… a DENTAL command. In the Navy, there are two types of officers. Line officers drive ships and are the REAL Navy officers. Staff officers, on the other hand, do administrative work. Dental falls into that group. Now, as a department onboard a ship or at a small shore command, dental is fine. It’s in its proper place. But go to a large base and get stationed at a dental command, and you’ll see a whole lot of unimportant people doing their best to look important and relevant. Because of this, dental commands tend to go out of their way to justify their existence. Since dental is important but not THAT important, dental commands try to create a rigorous environment that shipboard commands might have to endure. This leads to a lot of elementary, stupid stuff like seabag inspections, an inordinate number of rules, and long hours.

It was about this time that my Command, up in Bremerton, Washington, decided to re-evaluate a policy. As the LPO of the Bangor SUBASE Dental Clinic, I was given new marching orders from the Command Master Chief (CMC): All enlisted personnel need to report to work each day in uniform. Now, that doesn’t sound unreasonable. Except if you work in direct patient care. My chairside techs wore scrubs. The Command provided them and laundered them. Techs would come to work in civilian clothes, change into scrubs, then get busy. At the end of the day, they’d throw the scrubs in the laundry, get dressed, and head home. Just like you would do at any normal job. Except nothing is normal in the Navy. The edict was a subtle way to suggest some enlisted sailors didn’t have the required number of uniforms. It was up to me to enforce it, which seemed like a stupid thing to do to other grown adults. At first, I didn’t notice anything wrong. People were coming to work in uniform as ordered. The CMC didn’t think we were complying. I told her we were. Then, a week later, the proof I wasn’t trusted arrived. I came to work early, at 0615. As I entered the parking lot, I saw a lone car parked in the back. Circling around, I noticed it was the Command Admin Officer. He was sitting in his car. I don’t think he saw me, so I pulled around where he couldn’t see me and just sat in my car. As each of my techs drove up, he lifted a pair of binoculars. All the way until 0700, when we officially started work. He was spying on my technicians for the CMC. I was outraged. But with no power, I kept it inside. But I don’t anymore. I’ve told that story to management training attendees for 25 years. It’s one of many that involve bad bosses. And that led me to a great discovery:Bad bosses are just bad human beings with power. If you’re a bad boss, the news is bad for you. You’re a bad human. And somehow, some way, some dipshit gave you power. But that’s a warning for you if you’re the dog with a car bumper in your mouth. If you’re not a good human, do us all a favor and tap out now. Don’t be the reason I need to come out of retirement. Bad bosses aren’t trustworthy. The story of the spy in the parking lot is an example of what happens in an environment of zero trust.Trust is difficult to build. It’s nearly impossible to rebuild. As The Boss, your job is to build a level of trust that enables you to do your job: getting results through others. To do that, you’ll need to build rapport. To do that, you need to develop empathy. Let’s break those down.

Rapport

Rapport is a professional relationship. It’s based on mutual respect. You see rapport when world leaders get together on the public stage. They may hate each other, but professionally, in front of cameras and reporters, they act like normal humans. If they were dogs, they’d be wagging their tails and sniffing each other’s ass. Rapport is a relationship that happens when there is trust. Even if I don’t like you, I trust you’ll always treat me with respect—the kind any other human being on the planet is entitled to. The way to get to rapport is to start with empathy.

Empathy

Empathy is your willingness and ability to see a situation from someone else’s perspective. It’s the opposite of what happens on a regular basis these days. Empathy means experiencing what others experience—actually, intellectually, or emotionally. It hopefully leads to greater understanding. My mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease last year. It wasn’t a surprise. I knew for some time that something was wrong. Eventually, I had to take over all her finances and care. It’s been tough. On both of us. As of this writing, she still lives independently, but I take each Friday off to spend with her—running errands, doing her food shopping, and refilling her pill container. A few months ago, I was contracted by a utility in West Tennessee to do two sessions of empathy training, one on Friday and the other on Saturday. I told my mom that I’d see her that Thursday since I would be gone on Friday. “Where are you going?” she asked. “To Memphis, to do a workshop on empathy.” “What’s empathy?” she asked. I realized this was a good teaching opportunity. My mom is conservative. A little right of the right. In fact, if the Proud Boys had an offshoot called the Proud Old Ladies, my mom would sign up. Her Alzheimer’s has stolen so many memories and behaviors, but this one somehow survives. “Ok, mom,” I say. “Let me give you an example. How do you feel about illegals crossing our borders?” “Don’t get me started!” she fumes, sitting up with fists clenched. “They need to be kicked out. All of them!” “Ok, mom,” I say. “Why don’t we play a game. It’s 50 years ago and I’m 10, and Marshall is six. Dad’s run off and left us. You don’t have a job. We don’t have any food. There are gangs running the streets, and nobody is safe. BUT, you’ve heard that if you can somehow go north to Canada, there is safety, jobs, food, and a chance to start a new life. The only problem is that it takes forever to do it legally. However, if you sneak across the border, you have a chance to get settled and apply to stay legally. What would you do?” “Well, we’d be going to Canada. It’s my job to protect you.” “Yeah, mom, but it’s illegal,” I insist. “How do you justify it?” “Family comes first. You do everything for family.” And that’s when I told her that was an example of empathy. She got to experience it from a human perspective, not from a talking head on the news. She looked at me curiously at first, tilting her head a bit. It reminded me of what my dogs do when I spell out T.R.E.A.T. for them. And I felt good too—a breakthrough of sorts. An example of the power of analogies. Then, 15 minutes later, she asks me:“What are you doing on Friday that you can’t see me?”

F*****g Alzheimer’s. Building rapport through empathy is tough. It’s a four-step process that involves a lot of work on your part. But if you want to succeed in this job, you’ve got to do it. The first two steps of this process will be your favorite. They involve your favorite subject in the whole world: YOU. To get to know YOU better, stick your head up your ass. Well, not literally. But the first step is a look within.

Step #1: Self-awareness

You can’t tell me you’ve never been to either or the airport and not said:

“Did he/she even look in the mirror before they left the house today?” In other words, this person appears to lack self-awareness. But self-awareness is more than just looking in the mirror before leaving the house in pajama bottoms and furry slippers. It’s a look inside—an evaluation of what motivates you, what inspires you, what frustrates you, and what infuriates you. Basically, self-awareness is knowing as much about yourself, inside and out, as you possibly can. The best way to grow self-awareness is through self-assessments and 360-degree surveys. If your HR department has these, take advantage of them. Self-assessments reveal behavior and personality traits, and 360s give your boss, peers, direct reports, and sometimes customers the ability to give you feedback. You’d better have some thick skin if you take a 360. You’ll quickly realize you don’t walk on water. But this is stuff you need to know. Self-awareness is also about acknowledging what annoys and frustrates you. We need to identify all of these. If not, you won’t succeed in Step #2.

Step #2: Self-Control

You’re driving on I-40 through the hills of East Tennessee. It’s four lanes snaking around steep grades and sharp turns. Semi-trucks are creeping up the roads in a long line in the right lane. The left lane clearly states, “No Semi-Trucks.” It’s painted on the pavement every 100 feet or so. The left lane is moving along just fine. Until some impatient, hemorrhoid-suffering trucker decides he just can’t wait any longer and cuts out into the left lane to pass. Now you are behind two trucks, climbing the hills at 45 MPH. Your blood boils. What are they doing up there, blowing each other kisses? Mercifully, the hill flattens and you’re moving. The offending truck moves back into the right lane. As you pass him, you have a choice. You could ignore him, but what would you REALLY love to do right now? Unleash the finger, of course. It’s what any normal human being would do. The question is, will you do it? Your decision depends on your ability to control your emotions. And trust me, managing humans will push your emotions to their limits. It’s not enough to know what makes you lose your s**t; you must be able to control it. In a crisis, your people will look to you. If you’re running around frantically like your ass is on fire, that’s going to cause them to react. They play off you. If you’ve done the hard work of a 360 survey, you likely found some blind spots. Correcting them using a coach or mentor is imperative for you right now. So, this is what I mean by sticking your head up your ass. Get to know YOU. Now, once you do that, it’s time to pull your head back out and get busy.

Step #3: Knowledge of Others

In 2003, my wife received orders to be the assistant department head of materials management at a large Naval hospital. It was a big step up, but she had no idea how big it was about to become. A few months into her tour, her boss, the department head, was deployed to Iraq. She was pushed up to be department head. This was a tough job with a tough group: 160 direct reports, with 120 being civilians. And this group had a reputation for trouble. I know my wife has the patience of a New Yorker in rush hour, so I was expecting fireworks. But there were none. When she got the job, she spent the first few weeks just rebooting everything—the relationships, the expectations. She decided to just get to know her people: What was important to them? What motivated them? Even though she was extremely busy and worked long hours, she made a point to devote the first 45 minutes of each day to just greet people; to show them she noticed them, and to demonstrate she cared for them.

They didn’t forget this. When she transferred two years later, the employees were devastated. They had a big going-away party for her. They did that for every department head who left, but those were celebrations. They grieved my wife leaving. When the Army took over our beloved hospital and renamed it Walter Reed, they civilianized that department head job. Some of my wife’s old employees called to see if she was willing to retire from active duty to apply for it. “That way,” they reasoned, “you’ll never have to leave us again.” She built rapport. That rapport led to trust. And trust led to devoted followers who would do anything for her. You can do the same thing! But it requires you to pull your head out of your own ass and turn your attention to others. Once you’ve done the hard work of self-awareness and self-control, it’s time to focus on your direct reports, your boss, and your peers, both old and new. This is exactly what my wife did when she made the rounds through the cube farm, learning about her people. The more she knew about them, the better able she was to do the fourth and final step.

Step #4: Relationship Management

This is that professional rapport I keep talking about. Remember, you don’t need people to love you. You don’t need to love them. You NEED their respect, and that’s something you earn, not demand. Do your part to get to know your people, then use that knowledge to forge deeper relationships with them. Let them tell you their goals, both personal and professional. Listen to their career aspirations. Encourage them to share challenges they’re facing within your team and with others. When your people trust you, they’ll open up to you. And once that happens, and they know that you care about them and have their back, they will support you. And give you their loyalty. Eventually, their respect. And maybe, just maybe, someday, they might actually like you. But liking you right off the bat usually doesn’t equate to respect. It takes time, so do your part as early as possible. Once we have rapport, it’s time to figure out how to get those results through others. This is where development comes in. You’ll be spending much of your management career right here if you’re doing things right. We’ll talk about that in a bit.

Hope you had a great weekend. I spent Saturday in the Studio. Finished this beauty up!

When you get this, I’ll likely be boarding a flight to New Orleans for my last business trip.

So, no story this week. I thought I’d take today for a little reflection. This Friday morning, I’ll be officially retired as The Boss at Boss Builders. Wrestlers retire like this:

So this will be me:

And now… The End of the 3rd Quarter

I often look at life as a football game—at least in terms of timelines and dates. I think of it as four quarters.

The first quarter was my life growing up in Southern California—elementary and high school years—trying to figure out what I wanted to do when I grew up.

My first quarter ended at age 19. That’s when I left home in 1983 and joined the Navy. I did it because I needed a job. I thought it would allow me to continue my chosen occupation as a dental laboratory technician. It did not.

Instead, the Navy became a 15-year journey into hell. I didn’t get lab school and was stuck in a dead-end job as a chairside dental assistant. Toward the end of my time in the Navy, I finally figured out what I wanted to do with my life. Nearly killing my boss in 1996 motivated me. When my second quarter ended in 1999, I embraced my new career as a management trainer and consultant with a passionate vengeance.

My third quarter has been a satisfying blur. It began with a couple of normal jobs. I worked in two HR departments and did a tour as director of professional development at a trade association. That was to establish myself and get a few civilian credentials and some experience before launching my own business in 2004.

I began the journey alone. I took any work I could find with any client who would pay. In 2006, I signed on as a contract facilitator at American Management Association. The pay was absolute s**t, and AMA treated its contractors like they paid them. But AMA opened a lot of doors for me. I was busy. To help, I began working with Amy Hanisch. She was an HR assistant I met while teaching an administrative professionals workshop in DC with AMA. She brought me in to speak at her leadership conference and started working with me on the side, arranging my travel and doing other admin stuff. That enabled me to focus on just developing content and teaching. Amy was fun and creative and it felt good to have a partner.

Soon, Amy outgrew me and became a CHRO, and I started working with Gina McCabe. That coincided with our move to Vanleer, TN, in 2014. Gina stayed with me for a few months after that, then left to take on a full-time position.

That left me in a new area with no admin support. I was worried. Business was beginning to pick up, and I didn’t want to be in the business of scheduling travel. But I had an idea.

A couple of years earlier, I met Lisa Young at the church I was attending at the time. She ran the hospitality team—herding cats, I mean volunteers—into their allotted service times. Later, Lisa invited me to speak to her Mothers of Preschoolers (MOPS) group. She always impressed me with her efficiency. She had a good network. I knew she could help me.

So, I called her one Sunday afternoon. I asked if she knew any of her MOPS moms who were looking for part-time admin work. Then she asked me a very important question:

“What about me?”

And that’s when the magic happened. Lisa Young started working with me in early 2015.

Now, I’m a very unorganized person. I rarely plan ahead, and details and deadlines bore me. With Amy and Gina, I stayed focused on work but also checked in on their work. I didn’t want to be on a business trip and have something fall through the cracks. I trusted them to a point, but since I didn’t trust myself, I never felt comfortable.

That changed with Lisa. She began our relationship by asking a million questions. I think she was amazed I stayed afloat being so unorganized. Soon, she set up folders and systems and structures. She scheduled a weekly call with me. She shared a detailed spreadsheet of my travel preferences and trips. Lisa did amazing things with a calendar. Each week was organized, and in our weekly meetings, she would verify everything.

Lisa and I working the booth at the TN State SHRM conference in Chattanooga in 2023.

And I was f*****g busy! Some years I was on the road 35 weeks. I did workshops and spoke in 24 of the 50 states as well as in Germany, the UK, Poland, Ireland, Italy, China, Canada, and Puerto Rico. We were working with all sorts of interesting organizations and industries.

The best part? I never worried about anything other than creating and delivering. Lisa did everything else. I just showed up.

There was a small hiccup. I was getting off a flight from BNA to BDL and when I headed for the rental car facility, I realized I didn’t get my confirmation for the hotel. I stopped to check and there was no reservation.

“Dammit Lisa!” I remember thinking.

And then I realized I booked this trip the week Lisa was on vacation. I thought I’d save her the trouble. Of course I would forget the book the hotel. I’d forget my ass if it weren’t physically attached. I learned to just stay in my lane.

In 2018, business was booming. Lisa began to take on additional roles. She would connect with clients. She scheduled Lunch and Learns with leads from conferences. Whole weeks were arranged for me to do a state barnstorming tour. We did this in Ohio, North Carolina, Kansas, and Maryland. Soon, clients were asking me where Lisa was when I showed up for my presentation. Boss Builders was growing because of Lisa’s relationships with prospects and clients.

Lisa recommended I meet Rachel Wolohan. She did marketing. We needed help. On a trip to Maryland in 2018, Lisa and Rachel met me for lunch at Red Robin. Rachel had a newborn with her. We talked and agreed that Rachel could help us out with marketing. Rachel has been with us ever since. She lives in Florida, and the best part of our monthly Zoom calls is watching her conduct business while gracefully keeping her two young boys under control. She’s amazing!

The team was growing, and so was my business. 2019 was our best year ever, with gross income surpassing anything I’d ever made. I was happy but was beginning to tire of the grind. A weeklong road trip to Ohio, where I did seven sessions in five days, broke me. I was burning out.

In early 2020, I flew to Kansas City to take a one-day drawing course for facilitators with an old friend, Jill Greenbaum. The style is known as Bikablo. We used large markers and learned to draw figures and shapes. It ignited an old passion in me: art. I came back home with a new fire. I would add art to my workshops.

Flipcharts came alive with Bikablo!

I purchased a bunch of Bikablo markers and paper, and my first few workshops in early 2020 were a lot of fun. One group in Watertown, CT asked me to leave the flipcharts so they could hang them in their breakroom. I felt my energy returning.

2020 signaled a change. COVID shut the world down for a time, and when it did, my business shifted. At first, it was just from in-person to remote. That was perfect for my new drawing technique. I bought a document camera, and then my virtual groups would watch me color in and fill in words as I taught the course. Sort of like a bald Bob Ross, I guess. At the time, I figured that COVID would last forever and we would all be working and teaching remotely from this point on. That was true for about a year. Then, the world began to reawaken. Only my business didn’t.

I used to be a religious person. I’m not anymore. But I do believe in some sort of higher energy or something. I also believe if we lean into it, our journey is being guided by something or someone. I think that’s what happened in 2020. I was reintroduced to art just in time to thrive for a time. I started doing pottery and sculpting. The creative side of me was growing.

I began a journey of self-awareness and discovery. It started with a program I took on Positive Intelligence. I started to see patterns of dysfunction in my life that likely had plagued me since childhood. It’s been a journey, but I see progress. A couple of months ago, I started therapy. My body is healthier than it has been in years. I want the same for my mind.

Business was another story. Every trick I used to get business failed. Nothing seemed to work anymore. It was almost as if I was failing and had no control over it. At first, I blamed clients for not wanting to do business with me. Then I figured it was something I was or wasn’t doing. Leads were not converting, and nobody was signing up for our cohorts. Nobody read my LinkedIn posts. They used to devour them like seagulls attack your french fries when you sit outside at McDonald's. But now there was just the sound of crickets. I was becoming invisible. Soon, I just stopped caring.

I think the energy or force or Universe was just getting me ready for what’s next. There’s no other explanation.

In 2023, I had a decision to make. I always told myself I wanted to be done with my business when I turned 60. 2024 was the year. Lisa and I talked about it and started putting plans in place to wrap things up.

I didn’t know what to do with the business. Essentially, I am the business. I’ve tried to scale it. I even worked with a business coach for a year just for that. Sadly, people only want me to do their workshops and talks. I’m not being arrogant—just honest. I’ve tried substituting contract instructors, and it’s just not the same. I did have lots of intellectual property though. And since my work is part of my life’s mission, I wanted it to somehow carry on after me. That’s when I reached out to Kate Vendemio.

Kate was on my podcast a few times and we met up when I had some trips out to Maryland. At first, I considered her as a contract instructor, but now I thought of something better. We talked about it when I met up with her in Dallas at HR Southwest in 2023. We decided to formalize the transition from Boss Builders to Mt. Vernon Consulting earlier this year.

You probably know the rest. Mt. Vernon Consulting will assume everything Boss Builders, and thankfully, Lisa will stay on with Kate in the transition—and hopefully beyond. Kate will support all our programs and clients. You are in good hands.

This Friday, August 1, 2025, marks the beginning of my 4th quarter. I’ll fly home early that morning after wrapping up my last gig this Thursday. And that’s where the uncertainty lies.

When I found art, I envisioned my 4th quarter as unlimited time to practice. I also enjoy cooking BBQ, competitively upon occasion. I thought I might do a little catering.

As I near the big day, I’m realizing that for the first time in decades, I don’t really have something that drives me. Some passion, similar to what inspired Boss Builders. I don’t want to spend the 4th quarter doing activities in between watching TV and wasting time. Art and BBQ are activities. I don’t want them to be a career.

Maybe I don’t need a career anymore.

But I think I still have something left in the tank. Just not sure what it is.

I’m a good writer. I’ll keep writing. I’m finishing up my book on storytelling that releases September 1 of this year. I’ve already finished two in the past two months. I released Get Your Mind Right! a month ago and updated and retitled my public speaking book Own the Room! After that, I’ll begin my first fiction project—a book of four short stories I’ve been musing over for decades.

I have one idea. Inspired by Proximo. You may remember him as the slave owner and former gladiator who mentors Maximus in the movie Gladiator.

Proximo was the best. He eventually won his freedom. In his second career, he assembled teams of slaves and trained them to fight. He could no longer fight. His gift was passing on his knowledge and skills to the new generation.

That’s me. I’m too damned old to be up in front of groups of people the age of my kids. I love the audience, but I also know there is better and much younger talent out there. They are the ones who most need my knowledge and skills. Maybe I’ll start my own “gladiator school” for speakers and trainers.

"I wasn't the best because I killed quickly, I was the best because the crowd loved me. Win the crowd and you will win your freedom."

Maybe that’s me. In a non-violent sort of way.

I guess I’ll just keep an open heart and open mind and let the universe decide what’s next.

Awards: Worst Organization Ever

But as a way to wrap up this career, let me say the absolute worst organization I ever worked with was Naval Dental Center Northwest, in Bremerton, Washington from 1995 - 1999. I wasn’t a consultant then—just an employee. But after reflecting on the past few decades and the legion of dysfunctional organizations I’ve helped, NDCNW was and still is the most fucked up entity I’ve ever seen. You can read about it in my book Get Your Mind Right! It would have been a good candidate to be featured like The Office.

Awards: Best Organization Ever

The best organization I ever worked with was COCC in Southington, CT. I met one of my best friends, Steve Guglietta, there. He built their training program from nothing and fed me a steady diet of work for 12 years. They know how to do things right. I know how the sausage is made at COCC, and they still would be the first place I would call if I needed a job.

A close second is Pratt & Whitney. I started working with them in 2007 and was almost honored to do training for them. As a WWII history nerd, I grew up building model airplanes. My favorite was the Republic P-47 Thunderbolt with a Pratt & Whitney R-2800 Double Wasp engine. Now I was working with the company that built it! I did a three-day workshop for emerging leaders for about seven years in locations all around the USA and abroad. It’s fun to see some of my early attendees now in executive roles at Pratt.

My third favorite was Premier Medical Group in Clarksville, TN. My favorite because they are local and I made a lot of good friends there and saw them through lots of ups and downs. They did me a special favor helping me get my mom into the primary care clinic when she first moved out here, and I am forever grateful for that.

Awards: Most Satisfying Project Ever

I left the Navy with a chip on my shoulder as big as the national debt. I hated the Navy. I hated what it did to my career plans. Who would have known that the most satisfying work I ever did was for active duty military.

In 2004 I started doing contract work teaching Transition Assistance Preparation (TAP) to transitioning service members. I went through the program while on active duty in 1997 and found it helpful. Now I was the one on stage. And it was a stage! Me and 80+ people in the audience for a three-day lecture.

It was hard work. But it was satisfying work. To this day, I still hear from folks that went through my class years ago. My presentation skills were honed from the repetition. I learned how to think on the fly and my stamina and stage presence grew. It was and still is the most satisfying project ever.

Collaborations

I had a lot of colleagues I partnered with over the years. Most of the time, I’d meet them on particular projects. But I noticed that over time, when the projects would end, we’d drift apart.

In 2016, that changed. I met Margi Bush at a leadership conference in West Virginia where I was going to talk about performance management. She spoke before I did on the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, which I loved since I use that assessment regularly. She used stuffed animals as examples and told stories. That’s my language. We talked afterward and realized we could probably work well together.

Margi and I worked with this utility in WV. They really embraced our tools!

Margi is a credentialed coach. I was able to send my coaching clients to her, and since we were like-minded, I knew they were getting the best care. We teamed up on a few projects, and I always looked forward to working with her. For some of our clients, we billed ourselves as Beauty and the Beast. At first, Margi was upset, but I told her not to be sad. The Beast was beautiful on the inside. I don’t think it helped. Clients would call and say, “I think we need the Beast for this project. “But often they wanted Margi’s softer approach.

Finally

This rambling memoir needs to end. There are far more people to thank and recognize and I don’t want to leave anyone out. I’ll likely put something profound together at some point, but I felt like I needed to say something this week since this is the end of the third quarter.

I’m looking forward to the 4th—with anticipation, excitement, a little anxiety, and a bit of terror.

Maybe because I know there is no overtime.

And…if this resonated with you, reply back to this email or in the comments and let me know.

Edvard MunchFrankie Goes to HollywoodJames “Buster” Douglas

Got it?

They were all “one-hit” wonders.

Edvard Munch was the artist who painted the now-iconic The Scream, an expressionist depiction of shock based on the haunting faces of Peruvian mummies that were on display in his hometown. Sadly, this was Munch’s only success. Most people don’t even attribute it to him, but instead Photoshop captions on it, such as “What? Congress agrees on something?” and post it to their Facebook walls.

Relax, maybe an anthem of the hedonistic 1980s, was first performed in the seldom-remembered Brian De Palma film Body Double. It quickly became an ’80s standard, played in clubs and at parties everywhere. In a decade that produced more than its share of “one-hit” wonders, this one might be the signature piece. Frankie Goes to Hollywood never produced another hit after it.

James “Buster” Douglas was known in boxing circles as a “tomato can,” a crude term that describes boxers who are merely opponents used by up-and-coming fighters as a way to pad a winning record. On February 11, 1990, Buster Douglas did the unthinkable and knocked out a seemingly invincible Mike Tyson in Japan. The success was short-lived, however. A severely overweight and undertrained Douglas was dispatched in three rounds by Evander Holyfield just eight months later.

All of us desire fame and fortune in one form or another. The big question is: what happens when we get it? The three examples above show a rags-to-riches-to-rags sequence that all of us would rather avoid. The question isn’t how we become successful (although that’s important and probably the reason you read my stuff), but what happens when you finally achieve it?

I don’t profess to be totally successful, but I have managed to accomplish many of the professional goals I set out to achieve. Here is what I’m learning that is helping me keep up the momentum. Maybe it will help you too.

Document your journey to success. Most of us are tempted to throw out failures. I recommend documenting them and holding on to them. You’ll never know what works and what doesn’t if you can’t refer to a record of what you’ve already tried. My first book, From Cave to Cubicle, sold few copies. I realized after I published it that it had no clear purpose, targeted no specific audience, and was simply too long and too academic. I still have one copy of that book, though, and have the cover matted and framed to serve as a reminder of how not to write a book.

Remember who helped get you there. Barack Obama offended a legion of entrepreneurs several years ago with his statement, “You didn’t build that.” While initially incensed by this statement, I realized it’s absolutely true. Nobody achieves success alone. At a minimum, you probably at least have some family and friend support. At most, maybe someone who invested in you financially or intellectually. It’s important to recognize those people and what they did to help you succeed.

Remember to reach out and help others. Your journey has two destinations: become successful and then reach back down and help others become successful too. Everything I’ve learned that allowed me to accomplish goals was taught to me by others who were willing to share. You need to do that too. Zig Ziglar, the legendary motivational speaker, had a key phrase he used throughout his lifetime: “You can get everything in life that you want when you help others get everything that they want.”

None of us want to be a “has-been,” a “never-was,” or a “one-hit wonder.” Take some time this week to evaluate where you’ve been, where you are, and where you want to be. Summer is a good time for this. It will help you prepare to hit your journey hard in the fall.

Here are the previous two chapters:

* About This Book

* Preface

Chapter 1 - You’re the Boss. Now What?

Little Bartons Creek is a seven-mile, two-lane country road I drive when heading up to Clarksville, TN to visit my mom each week. It bisects several corn, soybean, and tobacco fields and hosts a large tobacco-curing complex of old barns.

About three miles in, there is an old house with a large white dog that sits on the front porch. Each time I drive past, the dog jumps off the porch and chases me. Even though I know there’s no danger to me, instinct makes me speed up to get away.

But think about this from the white dog’s perspective. He fully intends to catch the rear bumper of my car. He’s likely obsessed by it. Even though he has no chance of catching me, he’s willing to try every day. And that’s just me. Who knows how many other cars he chases?

What’s going to happen when he finally gets his teeth on a bumper?

He’s probably never though that far ahead. Something he wants so bad, but what’s he going to do when he catches it?

That sounds a lot like you, doesn’t it? For who knows how long, you’ve been whining and complaining to your boss about getting more responsibility. Maybe hoping for a promotion to team lead or supervisor. You’ve probably been asking for this for some time. You might have been in the running before but were turned away. But now, the job is finally yours.

You caught the bumper. Now get ready to hold on for dear life!

I’m not joking either. Being The Boss is a lot of work with a lot of responsibility and not a lot of extra compensation for your trouble.

What made you want this position? What were you thinking?

Don’t worry. Most people who get this opportunity experience the same feelings. I certainly did when I got my first big supervisory role. Excitement with a side of dread and uncertainty. So many unknowns and yet so many problems to solve.

When I worked with organizations that had dysfunctional management or supervisors, I often met one-on-one with the culprits. I always started with the same question:

When you got this role, did anyone tell you what to expect or what was expected of you?

The answer was usually “no.” The best advice they get goes something like this:

“There’s no way you can prep for a job like this. You’re better off learning as you go.”

Well, that explains why I’ve been so busy in this career. That’s the dumbest advice anyone could give you. That’s like telling students in a surgical residency that the best way to learn is to just start cutting. I don’t want to be sleeping naked on that operating table!

You can prep for a job like this. You SHOULD prep for a job like this. So let me prep you.

I’ll help you get your s**t together. If you are brand new to the role, here’s what I suggest.

Embrace Your Key Marching Order

You’re likely in this role now because you are seen as a superstar. The person who gets things done. And because you’re that good, someone thought it would be a good idea to promote you to team lead or supervisor so you could manage the other individual contributors.

Let me translate that for you:

Your Key Marching Order is to Get Results Through Others.

Before this, you were a superhero. You didn’t need anyone, much less a sidekick. Now your mission has changed. You need to create more of YOU. Your job is to develop your team so that you are essentially multiplied. Now there are many of you and s**t’s going along just fine. That’s the goal.

But it rarely happens this way.

It’s because most superstar mindsets rarely change. It’s hard to take a back seat and watch your direct report tackle what you used to. You’re reluctant to let go so you get busy and stick your hands back into your old job. Before you know it, you’re doing your old job AND your new one and are physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted. Plus, your people are all just sitting around on their ass while you do everything.

That’s YOUR fault. I’m telling you this now, so you don’t start off on the wrong foot. Get ready to redefine success.

If you’re a parent, you likely want your children to be more successful than you. I certain do. That’s the mindset needed from a new supervisor. Your glory now comes from the achievements they do. Even though you might not get recognized (and you’ll always get the ass chewings when they f**k up), realize that your glory is deferred now. You may not be around long enough to realize it, but it will happen. You will influence the next level of leaders. That’s the job.

Remember: Measure Your Success by the Success of Your People. You win when they win.

Put Friendships in Proper Perspective

Here’s the downside of your promotion. Your friends can’t be your friends anymore.

At least the way they are now. That’s a hard reality to confront, but there’s a reason for that.

When I was in the Navy, promotion to officer or Chief Petty Officer were significant milestones. You were now in a very elite peer group. I got out of the Navy before my wife was commissioned as an officer, but if I was still in, life would be very different. We could never be stationed together. Technically, it’s considered fraternization. And even though it wouldn’t happen, the visual tells a different story.

Perception will be one of your biggest enemies. Your actions will be scrutinized from above and below. Your old friends might expect preferential treatment. I know I would. And your enemies are probably shitting themselves anticipating your revenge tour.

Friend, none of this can happen. You’ll have to address those relationships with each of your old crew. Let them know that what we used to do at work and even sometimes after, must change. You can still be friends, but please be careful. And there are always the optics.

Remember: YOU must address this issue, quickly and specifically. All eyes are upon you.

Do an Inventory of Your Power and Influence

You’d never go into battle without doing a complete inventory of equipment and weapons. It would be foolish.

But most new supervisors do just that. They start the job without any knowledge of what tools they have access to.

You have two sets of armaments: Power and Influence. Plus, one bonus set that few managers take advantage of. Let’s break them down separately.

Power

Power is either awarded to you (a promotion) or taken by you (military coup, corporate takeover). Power is used to essentially push, or nudge people or systems to get results.

Since it’s been given or taken by you, it can be removed from you too. That means you’d better not abuse it!

Here are some common power bases:

Position: This is the power of your title. Often that’s enough to make people do what you want them to do. You get this by virtue of your new job.

Be careful with this one. Sometimes just talking out loud about an idea makes people think you’re telling them to do it. The position speaks for you.

And because that’s true, don’t make the mistake of telling people they need to listen to you because you’re The Boss. Say goodbye to your credibility.

Expertise: This is the power of what you know how to do. This is often what got you the new role in the first place. That’s great but be careful this doesn’t seduce you into doing some of your old job. Expertise feeds the ego. Your ego is hungry as the new Boss, so don’t let this happen.

But be sure to continue building this expertise. Expertise has a shelf life. Don’t let yours expire.

Resource: This is power that comes from your ability to get things. Much like Red in The Shawshank Redemption. Being able to acquire resources might have been the reason for your promotion. And if you have it, it’s likely because you’re really good at networking with others. That’s a strength.

But be careful not to overdo this one. Your job is to get results through others, not get resources.

Proxy: This is the power you get by virtue of your connections to others with more, or different powers than you. It might even mean using your connections to help you get what you and your team need to be successful.

This is one of your best powers. It can only grow so get busy connecting with others. But be careful. Your proxy is only as good as the credibility of the person you’re proxied with.

Think about what life would have been like for you if you had proxy power with Saddam Hussein in 1999. Golden ashtrays and toilet seats. Big parties. Lots of fun. But then what would it have been like in 2003 when the Marines saw your face on a deck of cards of the 52 most wanted?

Be careful who you proxy with. But be sure to proxy.

Reward: Reward power works when people do what you want because they know you have the means to reward them. Let me translate that for you: This leads to what we called “butt snorkeling” when I was in the Navy. Your jokes are never funnier, your stories never more interesting. But it’s a façade. Don’t fall for it. Reward who needs rewarding and then you can use the next power, Reward’s ugly stepsister:

Punishment: Punishment power means people do what I want because I can make their life miserable. Believe it or not, some managers adopt this as their primary. It’s ok. It helped make me lots of money in my career. But please don’t abuse this one. There’s a time and place and a process which you’ll need to verify with HR but also don’t ignore this one. Some people only respond to this power.

Never lead with it but keep it in your back pocket.

Personal: Personal power is your ability to get things done by just being nice. Being nice doesn’t mean being lenient or weak. You can just be a good person who does and says good things.

And you’ll be surprised how much easier things flow and how much you can get when you’re simply a nice person to deal with.

And last, and least, Charisma: Charisma is getting things done because of your ability to just blow us away with your charm. Charismatic individuals include Dolly Parton, Freddie Mercury, and The Rock. These folks light up a room by just walking in it.

Now, if you’re wondering if you have charisma, don’t worry. You don’t. If you did, you would know it.

But this is the least important power unless you pair it up with some of the big ones up there like expertise and resource. Without a backup power, charisma is no better than a Krispy Kreme donut. It’s nothing but sugar and air. You need a whole box to feel like you’ve eaten one actual, legitimate, no s**t, solid donut.

So, if you have it, back it up with something.

Influence Power is pushing to get things done. Influence is different. You draw people to you.

Think about influencers. If you have a particular passion or hobby, you probably follow some influencers on social media. I do it for pottery and BBQ. We listen to influencers for a variety of reasons, but mostly because we respect their knowledge and performance.

We can and should be influencers as The Boss. Where power needs to be awarded or seized, influence can be grown by anyone. And the supply is limitless.

Influence can be identified through behavior assessments, coaching sessions, or mindful observation. It can be grown through partnership with a good coach or mentor. And it’s worth your time to grow it.

Influence works above you, with people who have more power than you. You can’t deploy power against someone who has more than you, but influence can speak truth to power.

Here are some of the influence strategies:

Logical Persuasion: Logical persuasion is the language spoken by data-driven people who exist on a steady diet of numbers. Good decisions for them are based on data and analysis. You need to use this language with people like this. Get used to quantifying requests and results.

Common Vision: This is spoken by people who tend to look at the big picture, but one where everyone is aligned. In other words, when you want to convince the CEO that every Friday should be Bring-Your-Dog-to-Work Day, you’d let her know that this request aligns with corporate value #5, Connectedness. That’s the language of big-picture, mission-driven people.

Impact Management: Let’s talk a little about diarrhea. Well, let’s not. I just wanted to get your attention. And that’s what impact management does. It gets people’s attention. You’ll need to use this when relating a critical request or piece of data, especially when there’s a lot of physical or mental noise in the room.

Use it when you need to make a big statement or get people’s attention. But don’t overdo it. Overuse makes it just an annoying part of your personality, much like chronic diarrhea.

The Big Three

On the first day of my first job after my 15-year Navy career, I found myself sitting next to my boss, Stuart Wilkinson, the Vice President of HR. Stuart, an affable, balding Brit, hired me, and as his new supervisory development specialist, he was invested in my success.

We were at the weekly management team meeting, at a large conference table that seated 20. Seats were filling fast.

As people filed in, Stuart leaned over to me and identified them by name and position. He made sure to identify everyone around the table.

Then, Stuart took me on a visual tour and elaborated on each person—the things most important to the CFO, the CMO, the CEO, and the rest. It was a great primer for someone who hadn’t yet worked in a corporate environment.

Finally, when the meeting ended, Stuart quizzed me on the people in the room. He told me to schedule meetings with them and look for ways I could help them develop their supervisors.

Stuart employed The Big Three:

Organizational Awareness: Who’s who in the organization? Who’s got the power? Who should I be wary of? Stuart made a point to put a face to a name and title.

Individual Awareness: Stuart knew the folks in the room well. He shared that intel with me. He always pushed me to show value, and this started from day one.

Relationship Management: When I met with all those important folks, I was prepared because I knew what was important to them. Because I met them where they were, they supported my programs.

If you’re The Boss, get out of your office and start meeting people. The Big Three will create valuable relationships you’ll need later.

Don’t forget, you have tools and resources to do this job. You now know about power and influence, but there is one additional resource: your HR department.

Your Relationship with HR

My business, developing better bosses, grew primarily because of my relationship with the Society for Human Resource Management (SHRM). I would speak at their conferences and would often get contracted to do consulting projects or management training.

I got to know them well. I was familiar, having spent my first few years out of the Navy working in HR departments as a management development specialist, but I never really experienced what full-time HR was like.

It’s a tough business. HR is the liaison for the people both up and down the organizational totem. The have a responsibility to the employees, the managers, the executives, and the relevant laws and regulations. They are watched and often scrutinized by all. The have a tough job.

And I’ve worked around enough organizations in my career to see that good HR people outnumber the bad ones. It’s not even close. Unfortunately, ALL HR professionals tend to have an unfavorable reputation. It’s the nature of the job. HR often enforces rules, putting them in the unenviable position of the “fun police.” A few HR folks lean into this, which results in actions, that are interpreted negatively by employees, who then spread this negativity into the rest of the workforce. Then, when an employee goes to HR and sees a closed door or gets voicemail each time they call, HR’s reputation falls even further.

If you’re The Boss, your job is to treat HR with the respect they deserve and partner with them.

Growing up, I was a fan of professional wrestling. I passed this love down to my kids when they were little and even though we’ve all outgrown it, we still speak of it fondly.

Tag team matches involve two teams wrestling each other, one at a time. When you start getting beat up, you crawl to the corner and tag your partner into the match. That gives you time to regroup. Then, your partner tags you back in.

That’s the relationship you need with HR. They are your tag team partner. However, YOU need to do 95% of the wrestling. They are there as your support system, your trove of important resources, and hopefully a place where you can find the information you need to be successful.

But they aren’t there to do the whole match for you. Tag them in, then tag yourself back in as soon as you have what you need to be successful.

And when HR saves your ass a few times, do your part by spreading GOOD information about HR. When you hear your team bashing HR, step up and defend it! Treat HR well and they will be your most trusted resource.

What Are My Three Key Responsibilities?

We know your job is to get results through others. But what does that translate to? Where do you start? What should you pay most attention to?

There are three key responsibilities. All are equally important. If you manage to do something in them each day, you can be sure you’re doing the right things. Here they are, in no particular order of importance.

Solving Problems

When you have a bad service experience, it’s common to call on the manager. The manager comes out, listens to you (if your name is Karen), provides some resolution, and then everyone just moves on.

That’s you now. You’re the manager and you’ll be where the buck stops. People need you to remove roadblocks and negotiate impasses. And that’s not just customer problems.

You’ll need to provide solutions to systems, processes, structures, and networks. You’ll draw from all your technical expertise plus those newly minted negotiation and conflict resolutions skills you should be honing.

The good news is that you’ve likely got this one down. It’s what got you in this new role. Just be careful not to put all your effort into this one. Delegate and train your team to pick up the slack too.

Protecting the House

If you’re like any normal human, you likely have measures to protect your domestic dwelling from threats and intruders. It might be alarms, doorbell cameras, dogs, motion detectors, guns, or even that nosey old lady that lives next door. You likely sleep better at night. You protect your house.

Your organization is also your house. Maybe your work house. And just like the one you live in; it faces threats too.

There are four types of threats:

Safety Issues. I’m sure your organization has mandatory safety training. Depending on your industry, you may get lots of it. I worked with a gas utility in West Virginia a few years ago and they start each meeting with a safety brief. Every. Single. One. It’s that important to them.

If you’re The Boss, you’re the first line of defense. As you make your rounds, be on the lookout for trip, fire, and other hazards. You may have a safety team, but ultimately, you’re accountable for everything. Pay attention. In safety training and in the workplace.

HR Issues. Like safety training, you likely have mandatory HR compliance training. This is some boring s**t. But you need to learn it and memorize it and learn to recognize it and enforce it. I know you have an HR department. You already know they’re your tag team partner. But you’re their partner too. When you see something, say something. Things like discrimination, sexual harassment, and blatant policy violations. They can’t be everywhere. They rely on you. Don’t let them or your team down.

And, for the love of all that’s holy, PAY ATTENTION IN THAT BORING HR COMPLIANCE TRAINING!!!!!

Your name is on a sign-in roster. If something goes down, and your trembling ass is in front of the judge, your excuse of “I didn’t know that was a problem” won’t hold water. If your name is on the roster, you knew or should have known.

PAY ATTENTION IN THAT BORING HR COMPLIANCE TRAINING!!!!! And then put what you learned into practice.

Reputation Issues. If your industry is facing a war on talent, talent can pick and choose. Nobody in their right mind is going to work for a losing organization.

Imagine this. You’re a college football star with pro aspirations. You go through the NFL pro days and the Combine. As draft day nears, your see your stock beginning to fall. It looks like you might be a late round pick.

Draft day comes and you’re in front of the TV. The first two rounds are over and you’re still waiting. The big money is now off the table. You are now just hoping to be drafted. But that means you have a good chance of landing with a loser.

As each team’s selection is announced, your anticipation rises or falls depending on the team. If a winning team is on the clock, you want to play for them. But imagine getting drafted by teams that are perennial losers. Or have dysfunctional and meddlesome owners who are notorious tightwads. Or have a fickle and vocal fan base. You don’t want to waste your talent on a loser.

If you work for a winning organization (and I’ll let you define that), you don’t need to recruit. Talent comes to you. But don’t let people, things, and/or the resulting media storm ruin your good, hard-earned reputation. When you see a customer experience going South, intervene. When you overhear employees badmouthing the company in front of customers or vendors, put a stop to it. Reputations are hard-earned and easily lost. Protect yours!

Regulatory Issues. If you work in healthcare, finance, government, legal, or defense industries, you’ve got plenty of rules, standards, regulations, requirements, and expectations. And just as in the safety and HR issues, your participation is mandatory.

Learn and teach those regulations. Get your team to have yours and the organization’s backs.

Developing Employees – I know I said all three are equally important, but some expectations are more equal than others. This is that expectation. But here’s why.You know that your job involves getting results THROUGH others. But you can’t do that if the others don’t know what they’re doing. If you give them tasks or delegate to them without proper training and development, you set them up for failure. Then you’ll have to do it yourself, and your management job too.

That’s why developing your people is so important. We have a whole chapter in this book on it and you need to really pay attention and put what you read into practice.

Just like your car needs maintenance, your people do too. Evaluating their skills, abilities, and attitudes is part of the development job. Tune in and let your people know you’ll set them up for success.

Finally

Keep in mind, if you’re promoted from within, people might struggle to see you in this new role. You’ll certainly be acting different but think about everything else. How you dress. How you carry yourself. The company you keep. Leaning into the new role will make this transition quicker and easier.

And you need that because remember, your teeth are firmly gripping the bumper.

Hold on!

I had cats growing up and always found a kinship with them. They required little attention and gave little affection, which always made it so rewarding when they showed any.

When our kids were little, I got two kittens while Barb was deployed. She was pissed. She’s allergic to them. We rehomed the cats, but I vowed to one day get another.

We moved to our 32-acre property in Vanleer, TN in 2014. This was our son’s first year at The Ohio State University. He couldn’t take his car on campus until his sophomore year, so he left it with us. I parked it on the gravel driveway, and it sat until he’d come home for a visit.

That Christmas, he came home and spent a few weeks with us. When he prepared to leave, he told me he secured some off-campus parking, so he would be taking his car. That was fine by me. I didn’t feel like doing that 7-hour drive back up to Columbus.

The night before he left, I started his car and pulled it up to the carport so he could pack his stuff. I turned on the heater to warm it up. That’s when I heard a loud thumping and grinding noise coming from the fan. I shut it off and tried to figure out what was wrong. I had no answer. When I told Dustin, he agreed to leave his car since a heater was important in Columbus. I drove him back to campus the next day.

Then, I took his car into the shop. The fan motor was burned out. It cost $1,200.00 to fix. I drove the car home and parked it back on the driveway.

A few weeks later, I started it up so I could move it and heard that same thumping, grinding noise coming from the heater. I took it back to the shop. This time, the mechanic had the correct diagnosis.

“You don’t have a blower problem,” he explained. “You have a squirrel problem.”

Squirrels were building nests in Dustin’s car using nuts, leaves, and insulation from the firewall. Another $1,200.00 to fix. And now I had some decisions to make about the car.

Barb suggested parking the car in the barn. That was a non-starter for me. The barn was further up the gravel driveway, but it was packed with s**t from our move. Plus, it leaked, smelled like mildew and mold, and was full of spiders and who knows what else?

My neighbor suggested a shotgun. I didn’t feel right about shooting something that was just trying to stay warm. I guess I’m not really a country boy after all.

Besides, I had a better idea. Cats are the natural enemy of squirrels. At least I think they are. I suggested getting a cat.

Strangely, Barb was open to it, but still insisted parking in the barn was the best course of action. But I had the football and was heading to the end zone. I would have my cat!

The local vet in Erin, TN posted a sign from someone who had free kittens. That was perfect. Kittens! Free!

Barb and I drove out to a farm just outside of Erin. We were met by an old lady who had a bunch of horses. Her husband was a grouchy old, retired Marine. He was friendly until we told him we were both retired Navy. He scowled and limped back into the house. His wife was much friendlier.

The old lady walked us up to her barn. There was a large female cat sitting on some hay. It was the mom. When we walked in, a bunch of grey kittens came running out to greet us. And that’s when I saw her—a tiny, light grey kitten with white paws all around. When I picked her up, I knew she was the one.

Then, more surprises. My cat-averse wife picked up a small dark grey kitten with deep blue eyes. She wanted her.

Two cats??? Say it isn’t so!! I couldn’t believe it. I scooped up the kittens and we took them home.

Allison, our daughter, named them. My kitten was named Athena. Barb’s became Iris.

I put them on our front porch and put a baby gate over the opening to the steps so they couldn’t get out. I got a cat bed, scratching post, water and food dishes, and a litter box. Then, I settled in, waiting for them to grow big enough to chase squirrels. I did have a Mazda 3 to protect.

Two weeks later, I left for a business trip to Ontario, California. It was a two-day workshop. At the end of the second day, I finished and headed to the airport. My flight home would take me to Phoenix, where I would connect to Nashville.

As I boarded my flight, Barb sent me a text:

“Something got Iris. Off to bet.”

Now Barb is a notoriously terrible texter. I read that as “off to bed.”

And that broke my heart. Iris is dead and now you’re off to bed? Like it was nothing. NOTHING!!!!

And then I got a second text:

“The cat is in your office.”

Great. Something killed Iris and you just put her little kitten body in my office?

I held back tears as I flew to Phoenix.

But when I arrived, there were more texts.

Turns out, something did attack Iris on the front porch. It bit her really bad. Barb took her to the VET, not the BET. The doctor didn’t think she’d make it, but she pulled through. The free cats now cost around $500.00. And the cat in my office? That was Athena. And she was just fine.

Iris coming home from the bet, I mean VET!

But I wasn’t taking any chances now with my cats.

I decided to rig up a fortified compound on the front porch that would protect Iris and Athena.

The cat compound

I purchased chicken wire and wood to build an enclosed pen. Then, I rigged up a motion detector light, fortified the gate, and attached a cowbell to it as a warning. And the pièce de résistance? A 20-gauge shotgun. I wasn’t f*****g around anymore. It was sophisticated. The Viet Cong would have been proud of my booby-trapped cat fortress.

That night, I settled in to sleep only to be awakened an hour later by the cowbell tinkling. I jumped out of bed, grabbed the shotgun, and headed out. The motion detector light was on, so I opened the door and saw a big raccoon crawling over the gate. I shot at it and missed, and it disappeared. Iris and Athena scattered. Barb came running out, as did Allison. It was a close call.

And that night, as I sat in the rocker, shotgun in my lap, freezing my ass off, standing watch over my kittens, I realized that it probably would have been a better idea to just park the car in the f*****g barn. I implemented a very expensive solution to a simple problem.

I learned a lesson that day—something you might benefit from:

If the cost of the solution to your problem is greater than the cost of the problem, DON’T DO IT!!!

But it’s a cost I’m good with. Which is a good thing, since those free cats have cost us a small fortune in the last 11 years.

Iris and Athena are doing well. Iris lost a few of her nine lives that day, I think. Her left eye is still damaged and waters non-stop. She is sweet and affectionate. To my knowledge, she’s never eaten a squirrel. She did have a run-in with a barbed wire fence a few years later that required hospitalization and surgical repair, but again, she did just fine.

Athena spent her first few years hating me. Even though I picked her out and showered her with love, she just ignored me. Until five years ago, when something attacked her. I looked everywhere for her when she didn’t turn up for breakfast. I found her in the barn, buried under some boxes and tarps. She had been attacked by something that bit her right across her spine. When I found her, she looked up at me with an expression that said, “Thank God, you found me.”

Athena in her happy place. My lap.

Two days at the vet, and I brought her home. Since then, she is in love with me. She won’t leave me alone. When I come home from business trips, she runs out to greet me when I get out of the car. I guess I am her hero. Like Iris, she has yet to eat a squirrel.

But six years ago, Barb and I were walking on the 3-mile loop we frequently do. As we passed our neighbor’s pig pen, I heard a tiny meow coming from some trees. A tiny kitten spied us, quickly hustled down out of a tree, and ran toward me. We kept walking. That kitten followed us the entire way. I think he chose us. Barb rolled her eyes as I scooped him up. When I brought him home, he immediately climbed into a small tree, laid across a branch, and went to sleep. I named him Tiger.

Tiger on the day he found us

Tiger is our hunter. To date, he’s killed and eaten mice, rats, moles, birds, snakes, frogs, lizards, and yes, squirrels. Lots of them. I usually just find the tail in the barn. Sometimes, there is a skeletal spine attached. Once, I saw him walking out of the woods with a whole squirrel in his mouth—sort of like a tiger carrying its prey. There has been no squirrel damage since.

I wanted a cat, and now I have three. I’m a happy man. Yes, those cats were a hell of a lot more expensive than just parking that car in the barn, but what I gained in time with my cats is more than worth it.

Dogs love you no matter what. Rusty and Shiloh do, and I love them for it.

You must earn a cat’s love and affection. But once you do, they will give it to you unsparingly.

Yes, I’m a cat guy.And damn proud of it.

Iris today

Athena today

Tiger today

With that in mind, I thought I’d offer up some suggestions on how to be taken seriously. This might be helpful advice if you’re trying to influence someone and might be very beneficial to younger folks who are trying to find their place in the world.

1. Be Current on Current Events. I know most folks don’t care much for the news. Frankly, I can’t blame them. I used to be a news junkie every evening, watching around 2 hours of the evening news. For the sake of my mental health, I no longer do that. However, I stay up on current events by reading at least four news apps cover to cover, just to get a 360 degree perspective. That’s important. News channels frame the news the way their particular viewer prefer to get it. If you don’t believe me, next time you go to the gym and run on the treadmill, watch the TV news on the screens in front of you. FOX and MSNBC will report the exact same incident but frame it with their particular ideology.

Regardless, having a knowledge of current events gives you something to reference when you talk to people. When I taught workshops, I always tried to tie in a current event and relate it to the topic. It really gives whatever you do a fresh look.

2. Be Reliable. Increasingly, I’m impressed with people, events, and services that actually start on time. When was the last time you stood outside a store or business, and it opened EXACTLY at the hour the sign says it would? I can’t remember. I’ve stood outside of Sam’s Club, Costco, Kroger, LabCorp, and many others. When someone I book an appointment with shows up on time, it’s more of the anomaly and not the norm. I’m typically shocked when a flight I’m booked on leaves on time. Mediocrity seems to be the standard, and anything slightly above seems amazing. To be taken seriously, be EARLY and ready to go at the appointed time. I guarantee you’ll make a great impression.

3. Be Assertive. Assertive is not to be confused with aggressive. Assertive means that you take the lead in any type of interaction. Introduce yourself rather than wait to be introduced. Offer a firm handshake instead of accepting one. Ask others their name and ask them questions about what they do rather than ask for a favor first. On another note, though, if you’re already assertive, be prepared to tone it down if you typically intimidate and annoy others. Assertiveness needs to be practiced with the right amount of balance.

So, there’s the three places you can get started. Work on these and you’ll have a much better chance of being taken seriously. The standards, sadly, are low. It won’t take much to stand out in a positive way.

On the morning of October 11, 1996, I woke up not knowing what I wanted to do with the rest of my life, but by noon that day, it was absolutely, positively crystal clear.

At the time, I was about two years into my first major supervisory role in the Navy, serving as Leading Petty Officer (LPO) of the branch dental clinic at the Bangor SUBASE in Silverdale, WA. I had 22 direct reports and the boss from hell.

He wasn’t a screamer, like many of the officers I’d worked for. Quite the opposite. He simply smiled a creepy little smile. All the time. Even when he was pissed. And you only knew he was pissed because he would grind his teeth when he smiled, and his ears would turn red. The worst part? He talked to everyone junior to him as if they were a child.

Working with this asshat was bad enough, but what made everything worse was my career quandary. I was 32 years old and still had no idea what I would do when I grew up. The Navy was supposed to be a one-and-done tour, but a bad divorce and a shitty economy kept me in. My second and current wife Barb was all in with the Navy. She wanted to become an officer. Since we were now married, that became my goal too. The challenge was that we needed a college degree to apply.

We finished a Bachelor of Science degree in healthcare management from Southern Illinois University. We attended class every other weekend for our upper-division studies, then used a community college to complete our lower-division work during the week. It was difficult and stressful, but we hoped getting a commission would make it all worth it. We applied for the first time in 1994.

Neither of us was selected.

Fortunately, we knew someone who knew someone who sat on the selection board. We found that of the 12 selected (out of nearly 300), all had master’s degrees. Just when you think the marathon is over, you find someone has just added another 12 miles!

That meant we needed a graduate degree. Technically, it didn’t matter the subject if it was business-related. My criteria were simple: No math!

The only program that worked was an MA in organizational leadership from Chapman University. We enrolled and started the program.

I didn’t like it. The program coordinator taught the first three classes, and we heard all the same stories and jokes three times. Plus, it was all boring theory. I used the massive amount of writing assignments to vent my frustration. I even wrote one about my boss: Portrait of a Manager.

We applied for the officer program a second time. Again, we were not selected. Now I was getting frustrated. I was about six years from retirement but wasn’t sure I could hold out that long.

And then, there was that boss from hell.

The worst part of working for him was our daily status meeting. He referred to it as “doing business,” as if he knew what an actual business was. The meeting was him ticking through his checklist of s**t that needed to get done, none of it earth-shattering, but in his mind, every single f*****g thing was a crisis. I dreaded those meetings.

About this time, our son Dustin was born. Now we were operating on little sleep, stressed at work, still taking classes, and no closer to our goal of commissioning. Plus, things were getting expensive with a newborn in the house. I was still paying child support out the ass from my first marriage, so the stress was palpable.

And ever present, in my thoughts and in person, was my boss.

So, on the morning of October 11, 1996, I went into the meeting with my guard up, as well as my blood pressure.

He started in with his faux pleasantries. All b******t, of course. Then, he had a hot issue to tell me about.

“Petty Officer Munro, why have you not updated the Plan of the Week in the officer’s lounge?”

The Plan of the Week, or POW, was an agenda of all the events happening in the command that week, like a paper calendar before we all had smartphones.

“It should be updated, sir,” I said, remembering I’d delegated that monkey task some time ago.

“Well, it’s not. Come, let’s go look together, shall we?”

I followed him like a little puppy, and we went back to the lounge. He thumbed through a stack of POWs on a hanging clipboard.

“Look at this,” he said. “These are over three weeks old. Don’t they teach you how to read calendars in that master’s program you’re in?”

And that’s when I snapped. Not out loud, but in my head. He had his back to me, still gazing at the POW clipboard.

I walked up behind him, raising my fist. My plan then (at least my amygdala’s plan) was to cave in the back of his head with my fist. I raised it up, ready to bring it down like a fleshy sledgehammer.

And then I thought of Dustin. How would it be for him to know his daddy was in jail for killing his boss?

So, I stood down. If that shithead is still alive, he has no idea how close he came to both of our careers ending that morning. But at least I might have had one after I got out of Leavenworth.

But at that moment, the clouds parted, and I finally knew what my life’s purpose would be. I made a commitment on that day that for the rest of my working life, I would do my best to create the next generation of great bosses.

And thankfully, that master’s program was the absolute right degree for me! It didn’t teach me to read a calendar, but I’d already figured that out by then.

Now I was taking those classes seriously. While Barb stayed home with Dustin, I doubled up and finished early. Then I took care of Dustin while Barb finished.

I loved the program now. My plan was to finish and then walk out of the Navy at the 15-year mark. I was even wearing a shirt and tie to class now. Practicing being a civilian, I guess. But no ordinary civilian. I was ready to change the world. I started teaching some college classes in the evenings. It came naturally to me.

I was out of the Navy in early 1999. My first job was in the HR department of UT Medical Group in Memphis. I stayed a year, then Barb got commissioned as an officer and we transferred to the Washington, DC area. I took a job as director of professional development at a trade association, then a year later moved to part-time in the evenings and took a day job as the management education specialist in the HR department at a local hospital.

After 18 months there, I went back to the association full-time and started some consulting and training projects on the side. In 2003, I fired my bosses for the last time and struck out on my own.

I’ve never looked back. The next 22 years are a blur. Workshops, seminars, keynotes, breakouts, and coaching. I’ve taught workshops and spoken in 24 of the 50 states, as well as speaking and training in Munich, Germany; Shanghai, China; Rzeszów, Poland; Montreal and Toronto, Quorn, UK, Canada; Cork, Ireland; Rome, Italy; and Puerto Rico. I’ve flown a million miles, likely more. I’ve worked with nearly every industry, with businesses large and small. I’ve seen a lot, not everything by any means, but a lot. And with that comes the inspiration for this book.

As of this year, 2025, I’m winding this career down. At 61, my goal is to be off the stage before someone tells me I should have stepped down long ago.

But that’s okay. Even though I didn’t create the next great generation of bosses, I’d like to think I made a dent.

This book is my last business book. The intended audience is someone who was just informed they are the new team lead or supervisor. Someone who stepped up or was pushed up and now realizes life has just changed, for the better, but likely for worse.

What the f**k are you going to do now?

That’s why I’m here. Let me be your guide as I walk you through the most common mistakes first-time supervisors make. I’ll use stories and examples.

I’ll throw in just a few tools too. As I was writing this book, it occurred to me that most of the lessons I’m leaving you have nothing really to do with management tools or techniques. It’s about having the right mindset, the right attitude, and the correct expectations for this job.

I realized this because most of my examples were from my time in the Navy. That’s before my long management consulting career. It was those experiences that prompted my career arc.

Early on, I was amazed that so many incompetent people had power. They were telling me what to do, and they were, in fact, clueless. And yet, with the power bestowed on them, they could negatively impact my life and career. Most of the time, they did.

In another twist, most of the examples in this book happened at my last command, Naval Dental Center, Northwest in Bremerton, Washington. I sensed a sickness in that organization when I was stationed there. An organizational sickness. Now, looking back at it with the benefit of 25 years working with some of the most dysfunctional organizations on the planet, NDC Northwest was, and still is, the absolute worst one. I guess it was helpful to have that as a reference.

But back to you.

I find now that being a great boss starts by having the right mindset and expectations. In the Navy, you’re promoted to positions of leadership because you pass a written test on technical aspects of your job. I guess they figure you’ll learn the other stuff along the way. Which explains the gross incompetence I saw over my 15-year Navy career. So, this book is about the right mindset. If you want more tools and techniques, just buy one of my other books on Amazon. There is a list of them at the front of the book. This book is special though. It’s just for you. The brand-new Boss.

If you’re reading this, please understand that as The Boss, you are now the topic of conversation around the dinner table at night, or at the bar with their buddies, or in tearful conversations with spouses, friends, or parents. The Boss. That’s YOU now. Lots of responsibilities, problems, and stress, and there is not enough compensation in the world to make up for this. But the reward is massive.

Your legacy.

To have someone remember YOU as the best boss they ever had. That’s immortality.

Even if you never hear that, you can assume, if you’re doing things the way I suggest, that you indeed are someone’s best boss.

Time is short, so let’s get started.

This is a photo of me in 1997. I’m smiling if you can believe it. It’s all I could manage.

I hope you had a great weekend. You’ll find out what I did in this week’s story above or below.

But just a quick reminder that the second section of my book Get Your Mind Right! drops tomorrow morning. If you read or listen to it, let me know what you think. I’ll have one more free chapter next week and then it goes behind the paywall. Two more free Thursday posts too. You can just buy it the old fashioned way too by clicking the link above.

Thanks so much for subscribing!!

and now…Where did the Time Go?

It’s 5:30 AM and I’m on a Southwest 737 pushing back from the gate at the Phoenix Sky Harbor International Airport. I’m booked on a 7:30 AM flight but overestimate how long it takes me to drive from Flagstaff to Phoenix. On a side note, on that two-hour drive, I pass the largest roadkill I’ve ever seen. A horse. I guess only in the Arizona desert. In my hunt for coffee after getting through TSA, I notice the early Nashville flight is boarding. I go to the counter and ask if there is room on the earlier one and there is. Mercifully, the flight is half-filled. I have a preferred seat for writing, right side window. Nobody can bump my right arm. The middle seat is blessedly empty.

I’ve just spent the weekend with two old friends. Old, in that I’ve known them for a long time. Old, in that we’re all old now.

Guy Wilson has been my friend the longest. Well, maybe not as my friend, but because we went to the same church, I’ve known him the longest. He is a year younger. We carpooled my senior year of high school and played football together for two years. We also worked together at Calvary Church Christian School. Daycare supervisors. You read about this in my story As the Tables Turn. Guy Wilson is Coach Wilson.

Rob Green was the first friendly face I found as a freshman in high school. We met just before summer football practice. He attended this Jr/Sr high school the year before, so he knew everyone. He introduced me to everyone. Still, we were lowly freshmen so thankfully we had the size for football.

Well Rob did anyway. He was much taller, lanky and a little clumsy. We played on the JV team for Coach Joaquin. The Varsity was coached by Coach Cupp. Varsity sucked ass. They rarely won. JV on the other hand was a scrappy little team.

California CIF rules required any transfer kids to stay off varsity for one season. So, we had some juniors and one senior from public school on the JV team that would have been starters on the varsity. We often held our own when we scrimmaged the varsity. That season we won most of our games.

Rob and I both returned our sophomore year and again were on JV. Coach Joaquin moved up to varsity to coach under Coach Cupp. The season started great. We lost our first two games, but Rob and I were beasts. We looked forward to a full season of ass whippings.

Until Monday’s practice when Rob and I and Scott Johnson got pulled up to varsity. Now we were the rookies. I didn’t feel welcome. Even less so when I blocked starting linebacker Will Travis in a scrimmage and broke his shoulder. But by then end of the season, Rob and I were starters.

Junior year was going to be great. Our new Iranian teammates would make their debut. My best friend Buzz transferred from public school and would play. He was huge. As tall as Rob, but a hell of a lot bigger. It was Buzz at center and me at left guard. Rob played on the defensive line. And we were a force. We didn’t make the playoffs but knew our senior year we would be ready.

Our team, junior year. That’s Rob on the top left, #74. I’m in the middle, #78. Buzz “Terror” Bolton is on the far right, #77. Coach Cupp is on his left.

Until that was future was derailed by Dr. Bahnsen. No, he wasn’t an evil scientist, just a theologian and ethicist brought in to teach Bible 3 and 4 to the upper class. And he was no joke. Bible 3 went from the easy A class to the reason Buzz left in December to go back to public school. We were assigned long essays and required to memorize large sections of bible verses and apostle’s creeds and passages from books. I failed it my junior year and had to go to summer school at the end of my senior year to get my diploma. Sort of like a diabolical Vacation Bible School, I guess.

Senior year finally arrived. We had new uniforms, more organization, and a sense of anticipation. Since Buzz was gone, Guy moved to guard and Rob stayed mostly on the defense. His hand and foot speed were dangerous. He could make linemen miss blocks and look foolish. Then he made you pay for it by taking your quarterback’s head off. Several rising juniors had talent, and we started strong. We came close to finally beating the Buckley School, but a holding penalty took the go-ahead touchdown off the board and broke our spirit. You may remember the Buckley School as the one attended by Michael Jackson’s daughter Paris. We had a two-game winning streak going into the playoffs and thought we had a chance of going far.

Senior year. Guy is on the top left, #60. Rob is in the middle, #74. I’m on bottom left, #50.

Sadly, we lost all three of our last games, our league games. After our last loss, 22-0 to Liberty Christian, Rob and I sat on the grass at Mile Square Park, listening to the coach drone on some b******t about trying harder next season. Guy would have that season. He was a rising senior. Rob and I silently contemplated life after football.

Rob and I never played again. Guy went on to have a great senior year, played a year in college, and himself became a high school football coach and history teacher. He is now semi-retired, starting his Substack and hopefully, as a result of me busting his balls all weekend, will tell his stories. Rob does some secret s**t that he gives vague clues to so I know it must either be important and classified, or non-existent.

Earlier this year, Guy asked if I would come out to Flagstaff to celebrate his 60th birthday. The way he said it told me it was very important and so I agreed. I would not make his actual birthday. Barb’s is that same weekend and she’s also turning 60 so no coin toss necessary. We agree on the weekend of July 11. Rob will be there too. He still lives in California, so he’ll drive out.

On the flight out there last Friday, I admit I was a little nervous. I’ve seen Guy a few times over the past few years when he lived in Florida. I’ve only seen Rob once since high school, back in 2009, I think. Rob and Guy have remained very close friends over the years. I wondered if I’d feel like a third wheel. What would we have in common after all these years?

I land in Phoenix at 2:30 and drive the two-hour journey in 100+ degree heat. As I drive up the mountains, the temps drop into the 80s. Then it gets greener, and the scrub brush gets taller. Then, you blink, and the pines appear. This is Flagstaff. I haven’t been here in 34 years or so.

I park my car and walk into the lobby of the Hampton Inn. The digital key is active, so I walk in and head to the elevator. Then someone shouts.

“Hey, over here!”

I turn around and see two large old men rising slowly from the couches. It’s Guy and Rob. We hug and tell each other how good we look and how good it is to see each other even though it’s evident to all of us that we are no longer those vibrant, strong, forces to be reckoned with we used to be. But I knew when I hugged those guys that they were the same guys I hugged after games. We had aged and we had changed, but we were still the same.

Rob, Guy, and me. Guy is the only one who still has hair.

Guy’s wife drove us all to dinner. Since Guy and Rob and I are of California lineage, and I’ve told them Tennessee Mexican food is caca, they take me to their favorite place. I have a carne asada burrito that is so good it makes me a bit emotional.

I always wondered why, when I get upgraded to a suite at Hilton, it has a couch and coffee table and end chairs. Who would ever entertain guests in a hotel room?

Turns out I would. I got the sense Guy’s wife didn’t want three old men telling loud stories until 3AM at his house so we went up to my room and hung out until, jetlagged, I tapped out. Rob took Guy home and I slept in until 4AM. I wrote for a few hours then Rob picked up Guy and we went to breakfast. We drove out to Guy’s house and spent the day telling stories. Lots of them. Guy has two big dogs. He kept asking me if I’m ok with big dogs. I have two. Yes, I’m good. He was insistent. I told him dogs are fine. Then I wondered if it was because his dogs would bite. I saw his big dog, Dinsdale, a mastiff. Now I’ve always felt a sixth sense and deep connection to animals, but particularly to dogs and cats. And the occasional lemur. I was hoping it would work with his dog.

Guy instructed me to sit in the recliner and then he let Dinsdale in. He was huge, his head the size of a small seedless watermelon. Slobber drooled off his jowls. He slowly walked toward me. I looked at him softly. I was hoping he could read my mind telling him he’s a good boy.

He put his big head on my hands, and I rubbed his neck and shoulders. He seemed to relax. But damn that head was a big one. And there was a big jaw attached to it. He walked away and then returned. We repeated the ritual. On the third time, he seemed friendlier. This is when I expected the worst. He would nuzzle me and then bite my face. I wonder what I’d look like without a nose.

But he was fine after that. We talked all afternoon, then went out to a sports bar for one last bit of unhealthy food and some bourbon. I headed back to the hotel at 7 after we shared a long hug and vowed to do this again soon.

And, as I always do after telling a tale of some adventure that interests only me, I’ll share what I learned.

The Power of Gratitude. Guy isn’t in the best of health. It prevents him from doing what he loves most: coaching football and leading young men. I couldn’t attend his real birthday, but Rob did. Coach Wilson’s former players, many of them now fathers of young men, gave him many tributes. I could still see the emotion in his eyes and hear it in his voice when he told me. It lifted his spirits. I could feel it. And I could see that if there was anything Guy would want, it would to be back on the sideline.

Lesson learned: If you have something nice to say to someone, say it now. If someone has helped you grow personally and professionally, let them know. And especially, for those of you who have someone whose changed your life for the better, Let THEM KNOW. You may have no idea how bad they need to hear it.

Our Memory is Shared Only with Us: If you’ve ever played sports, performed in front of a group, or did anything that pushed you a little and made you grow, you probably have a linear memory of how it happened. The older I get, the less I think about playing high school football. It seems like it was just the other day, but it was nearly half a century ago. I thought I remembered quite a bit of it. Until I sat down over a few drinks with Guy and Rob and we started telling football stories.

While many of our stories linked up with each other’s recollection, many more didn’t. Some of them I was shocked they couldn’t remember. Even the names of some people. The sequence of events and even the year they took place. The names of some of the best teachers. Well, it wasn’t they couldn’t remember anything, they just remembered what impacted them enough to make it last in their memory until this weekend.

When I realized this, I felt a sense of relief. Spending time with my mom each week makes me hypersensitive to any hints I might be forgetting things.

Guy sees his experience in high school, with us and football, through his lens. Rob and I have done the same. Where we have shared memory, we can now piece in the parts we learned from others. I left with a much better recollection of those football games. I think if we had a few more days, we might discover far more.

And one last interesting observation. When I went overseas to Australia in 1984, Guy and Rob recorded a letter on a cassette tape to me. I was so happy to hear from them since there was no email and texting. It was all letters and very expensive phone calls. On the tape, they talked and joked and laughed and even recorded the Monty Python classic The Penis Song. When I told them this weekend how much that meant to me, they couldn’t remember sending it. HOW CAN YOU FORGET YOU SENT YOUR FRIEND A CASSETTE TAPE OF YOU PLAYING HIM THE PENIS SONG?

And then I remembered my memory is not theirs. But now they can experience my gratitude.

Lesson Learned: Question your memory, not for sanity or viability, but push yourself to remember those key events that shaped you. Then, if possible, find someone who shared or knew of that experience to help you discover more from those events.

And do something that makes someone else happy. You may never know how much it meant to them. Even if it involved having to listen to The Penis Song.

Telling Stories with Storytellers is Like Untangling a Big Wad of Christmas Lights:

You know I’m a storyteller. My preference for introversion means I usually don’t initiate a story, but I’m always happy to tell one.

Guy is a storyteller. A great storyteller. Guy has a strong preference for extraversion which means he’s happy to initiate conversation, or stories, or most anything. And, for you folks who took MBTI with me, he’s an intuitive thinker, with a preference for perceiving. Which means Guy Wilson can take a conversation from a particular football teammate’s name and somehow, we end up trying to figure out what might happen if they started putting people who cut the tags off mattresses into the Colorado SuperMax prison. Then that would turn off into yet another direction.

Rob is also a storyteller. Because he and Guy have been close friends for many years, they share many of their football memories and of life after high school. They have remained close even when Guy moved to Florida and then Arizona. He was with him when he was dealing with one of the craziest ex-wives on the planet, even worse than mine. They have memories and stories. Rob tends to keep Guy focused. Not an easy job.

Then enter me. An introverted storyteller. I tend to start a story, then they take off with it. We talk all weekend through stories. We all tend to look up as we’re remembering and imagining things from the past. I wonder how much of the remembering is imagining.

And I realize now, as my plane is descending into BNA, that in spite of this, there is so much I have missed over the years with my friends. I don’t know how many more times we can do this, but I don’t want to let these guys go into obscurity. I realize I need them. I think they need me. We need each other.

Lesson Learned: Reconnect with Friends. Better yet, don’t allow yourself to become disconnected.

Welcome to our first Thursday edition of Mack’s INNER CIRCLE. I’ll post here for free for a few weeks and then just keep this for paid subscribers. Blogs are different than stories. Stories show transition. You’ve noticed this I’m sure on the Tuesday edition. Blog posts are shorter and just pass along thoughts and information. Thursday will be blogs.

Fun fact: Blog is short for Web Log.

I hope you enjoy it! If you do, please reply to the email or in the comments if you have th Substack app.

And now…Unleash Your Inner Ninja Warrior

The other night while flipping channels on the TV, I came across the American Ninja Warrior TV show. If you've not seen it before it involves some very physically fit individuals who run on a timed obstacle course. The course requires balance, stamina, and most of all upper body strength. I was amazed at watching some of these people and then even a 65-year-old who managed to finish several of the obstacles before falling off and losing his dentures in the water. I thought about what it would be like to be on this program but at my age and with my hip replacements and bad back, just bending over to tie my shoe is enough of a warrior challenge.

For all of us non-athletes, I believe there still are some Ninja challenges we can do when it comes to our professional development. It's easy to admire those in our field who are committed to excellence, who give great presentations, do amazing analytical work, or solve complicated problems. The good news is that all of us have the potential to be in that class. It simply involves your commitment to personal and professional development.

I don't know what these Ninja athletes do but I can imagine it involves several types of training, many of which are not directly related to the obstacles they must overcome in the challenge.

What that means is that not only do they need to know how to climb on parallel bars, but they also need to develop the upper body strength and the hand strength to hold their grip. It doesn't always involve just cardio as we might think about it via long distance running, it might be short interval sprints. This means that transferable physical strength and agility must be made to be the focus of competitive strength and agility. In other words, you must train for more than just the actual competition.

We need to do the same in our professional lives too. While we might be good at our jobs, there are some ancillary skills we might not be good at. I must admit I was pretty good in what I did as an organizational and management development consultant, but where I came up very short was in sales. That may not seem like a logical business skill for me to have but if I couldn't sell what I did then I wouldn’t be able to do it. Because of that I spent hours reading everything I could get my hands on about sales. I contracted a business coach to help me with my marketing. Boosting that skill led to more sales and success when I ran Boss Builders.

But what about you?

Right now, are there other skills that would help you be more successful? You might be good at making a presentation but how are you at navigating the politics of your organization? You might be great at solving a complicated problem but how good are you at preventing that problem in the first place? All of us have a responsibility to be the best in our field. Since only a few of us can be elite athletes, why not be excellent in the everyday playing field that is our professional lives?

Have an AWEsome week!

Launch day is here. I know I’ve sent this section out before so I won’t count it as one of the two free chapters. But now there is the audio too. You can listen right here by clicking that button above. You can also listen to it on your favorite podcast app. I hope my narration doesn’t suck! And of course, you can just scroll down to read it. . You can also get it on Amazon in paperback and Kindle HERE.

Remember, the target audience for this book is a first time supervisor. Maybe your boss. Please let me know what you think. You can reply back to this email, or down in the comments. And don’t worry, I already know there are bad words. I meant to put them in. And you’ll likely find typos and grammar problems. Just focus on the message and how it makes you feel. That’s what I want to know.

About This Book

It’s early evening at a Chili’s restaurant near the Louis Armstrong International Airport in New Orleans. It’s just down the road from the plant where you work—the same place you received amazing news from today. In fact, you and your work buddies stopped here after the shift to celebrate.

The Chili’s is in the parking lot of a Hampton Inn, which means it’s frequented by business travelers. They’re easy to spot. Mostly men, they sit at the bar, scrolling through their phones, mindlessly eating nachos, and drinking beer.

As your celebration winds down, you decide to have one more before heading home. There’s only one guy left sitting at the bar now—just an old man in a flat newsboy cap and a black golf shirt. But unlike the others earlier, he’s just staring at his drink: a double bourbon in a glass with a large ice rock. No phone in sight. He seems lost in thought.

“How ya doin’?” you ask, your extraversion a product of the past few beers.

The stranger looks back. He looks sixty-something, but it’s hard to tell. In this part of town, forty can look sixty, and sixty, well…

“I’m good,” he says. “You seem to be doing just fine.”

“I am,” you reply thickly, the beers making their presences felt. “Out here celebrating tonight.”

“Yeah? Well, that makes two of us.”

“For someone looking so alone and somber, I can’t imagine what you’re celebrating.”

“Well, how about you tell me what you’re celebrating, and then I’ll share. How does that sound?”

“Fine. Today I got promoted to team lead at the ACME Chemical Plant down the road. I’ve been there two years, and today I got the good news. I was just here celebrating with some of my buddies.”

“Ahh,” the stranger says, “So you’re The Boss now!

He laughs heartily, slamming his hand down on the bar.

“Why are you laughing?” you ask. “What’s so funny?”

“You’ve got the world by the balls now, don’t you? You have no idea what you just got yourself into, do you?”

Now you’re getting annoyed. This drunk old fool is giving you s**t. You make the decision to leave.

“You know what? Forget it. I’ll leave you alone.”

“Wait a minute. Don’t you want to know why I’m celebrating?”

“Sure, whatever.” This guy is starting to creep you out.

“I’m retiring. Tomorrow morning I’m flying home to Nashville and moving on from this career.”

“What did you do?” you ask.

“For the past 25 years, I’ve been a management consultant—helping organizations develop better managers. Working with folks just like you! How about I buy us a round?”

And so, you let the stranger buy you a beer. He orders another Maker’s Mark.

When the drinks arrive, he asks you a question.

“Is your mind right?”

You have no idea what that means. So, you ask. And for the next two hours, he elaborates. He tells you stories. He offers you wisdom. This old guy truly has seen quite a bit.

When you leave, you ask the stranger for a card, but he doesn’t have any. Says he doesn’t need them anymore. You thank him for the drinks and his time and head home. As you walk inside your front door, you wish you’d written down everything he told you. It was a two-hour long firehose of wisdom.

It’s OK if you didn’t write anything down—I did. It’s in the book you’re reading now.

And, in case you’re wondering, I’m the old guy at the bar. And yes, at the time I wrote this, I was winding down that long career as a management consultant. I’ve seen and done a lot over the past 25 years, in just that career. I’ve seen even more in my Navy career before that. Lots of stories, lessons learned and acquired wisdom.

Please let me share it all with you. It’s my going-away, retirement gift to you.

I’ve taught so many workshops and written so many books demonstrating tools and techniques. None of them work quite as well without—you guessed it—the proper mindset.

So, remember me as you read through this. I’ve seen a lot over the years. Let me open what’s left of my brain to you.

And you need to get busy getting your mind right.

I hope you had a great long weekend. I discovered that as my dogs age, they are less comfortable around fireworks. Actually, the more they freak out. Rusty in particular was a shivering wreck Friday and Saturday nights. Living here in the South, fireworks appear to be in the DNA of natives. July 4th celebrations last a week. Barb and I and the dogs all aged this weekend.

That’s the topic of this week’s story. Growing up and aging. Something my kids are wrestling with now as young adults. I’m offering up my experience. Maybe it will help.

Before we get to it, remember, tomorrow morning you’ll get the first of 3 no-cost chapters of my newest book Get Your Mind Right! Straight Talk for the First Time Boss. Then, another post on Thursday. I’ll do this for 3 weeks and then Wednesday and Thursday posts go behind a paywall. I hope you’ll join my paid subscribers (I appreciate you!) for that

And now… Hitting the Wall of Adulthood

It’s 1989. I’m 27 years old. Finally, the day has come—I officially feel like an adult.

It’s not a good feeling.

Right now, I’m stationed at Naval Hospital Long Beach and I’m miserable. I’m working as an oral surgery assistant, which means I spend most days on my feet, sucking blood and spit, handing instruments to the surgeon. Every Wednesday is operating room day. O.R. cases can go five to eight hours. You learn quickly not to drink anything the night before—or that morning. It’s as if you’re the one lying naked on the table. No bathroom breaks. No smoke breaks. No food. Your legs, back, shoulders, forearms, wrists, fingers, neck, and feet all ache. I had no idea what it was doing to my hips. Twenty-two years from now, both will be replaced with titanium.

Me with my co-workers in 1990. Fun fact. That's my wife Barb on the far left. We were still married to our exes. Steve Kerr, me, and Larry Marchand.

To make it worse, the surgeon—and his colleague, who he brings over from the Long Beach shipyard clinic—are complete a******s. When they get frustrated in the OR, one or both yells and throws instruments. Best part? When they screw up—snap off a root tip or something—they look at me like it’s my fault.

But work is only one of the headaches. I’m in class four nights a week at Long Beach Community College, and every other weekend with Southern Illinois University, desperately trying to piece together a college degree. I don’t want to stay in the Navy, but I don’t really know how to do anything else. My degree is in Health Care Management, which doesn’t interest me, but I’m banking on the idea that any degree is better than none. Still, I’m tired. And discouraged.

Then there’s my young family. My daughter is 3, my son barely one. My wife stays home with both kids—which saves us on daycare—but with only one income, things are tight. We do our shopping every two weeks after military payday. Once we’ve hit Price Club, Stater Brothers, Fedco, and filled the car with gas, I might have $20 left to get us to the next check. It’s stressful. And when you pile that on top of work and school, it’s overwhelming.

And then, of course, there’s family. I took orders back to California so we could be near both our families. What I didn’t realize was how much I had changed after nearly five years overseas. I’d grown up. I didn’t want to do the same silly stuff I used to when I was a kid dating my wife. But she felt that separation. She was still close with her family and missed them desperately when we were away. After four years overseas, she wanted to catch up. Her sisters and brother lived nearby, and they were over constantly—usually uninvited. Family became overwhelming.

One Tuesday night, I almost turned into the driveway after class at 10:20 PM. I was exhausted, and I knew I had to be in the OR the next morning. As I drove up to the house, I saw the living room curtains open, and there she was—my wife, her sisters, her brother—dancing and goofing around. I was so frustrated I just parked down the street and sat in the car for an hour, completely out of gas emotionally. At the end of my wits.

Being an adult isn’t fun. I don’t know why I rushed through childhood thinking it would be better than this—but it’s a mess. What was I thinking?

This is adulthood. That feeling of hopelessness in the face of endless years of work. Of working for the man.

It’s like hitting the wall during a marathon. Even if you train, it still hits you. When I used to teach management courses, I called that point Phase 3—when you want to quit and walk away.

But somehow, I kept going. I went through a divorce. Dated a while. Remarried. Moved overseas. Had two more kids. Finished a BS and MA. Got out of the Navy. Started a business. Got out of debt. And then, one day, I looked in the mirror and saw an old bald man staring back at me.

And honestly—I don’t remember how I did it. I wish I could write it down, hand it to my kids, and say: Here’s how you get through it.

Because now, our two youngest adult kids are hitting that same wall.

They’ve got good jobs. They make good money. But even with all that, they say the same things I used to. They wonder how they’re supposed to grind away at this forever. They worry about the economy. The country. The future. And when they ask how we survived it, how we figured it all out—I have no answer.

We just did. Just like our parents did. Just like their parents before them. One day, life just becomes a predictable, numbing rhythm. You cope. You adjust. You move forward. And one day, they’ll get through it too. And like me, they won’t be able to explain how.

But now, at 61, I’m feeling that uncertainty again. Even though I’m in the best shape I’ve been in 15 years, 61 is a long way from 26. I’ve got wisdom now—but I worry about how long I’ll have it.

It’s the uncertainty of aging. Watching my mom deteriorate from Alzheimer’s. My father-in-law from dementia. My dad died from ALS. I worry about that. I have energy and creativity now, but what happens if the economy tanks? I’m good at pottery and writing—but what happens if I get Parkinson’s?

It feels like I’m hitting another wall. The wall of senior adulthood. And all the uncertainty that comes with it.

Senior adulthood feels the same and different. The same in anxiety. Different in energy—I have far less of it now.

My kids can pry wisdom and knowledge from this old geezer. But I don’t have many people left to ask about my own fears. Not many around who’ve gone through what’s next. And so, I guess, like before, I’m just going to have to figure it out on my own.

Just like I did at 27.

Where are you on your journey?

Who’s helping you along the way?

Have an AWEsome week!

I hope you had a wonderful weekend. July is upon us and for kids here in Tennessee, that means they enter the home stretch of vacation before school starts. I’m glad we are over that season of life!

This week I’m going to try something new. The button at the top is for you to LISTEN to this week’s INNER CIRCLE post. Of course you can read it below by just scrolling down.

I started playing with the audio feature of Substack as I recorded the audio book of Get Your Mind Right! (By the way, you can LISTEN to the first few chapters of that book starting NEXT Wednesday! I’m really happy how it turned out. You can also get the paperback or Kindle version on Amazon).

Let me know what you think ok? You should be able to listen from the email but I think if you click it, you can also listen to it on your favorite podcast app.

And now… Something Doesn’t Feel Right

It’s 4:00 AM on a Thursday morning in July 2016 and I’m dropping my rental car off at the Albany airport in New York. I’ve just spent a couple of days up in Montreal doing a workshop for a communications company. It’s much more convenient to fly Southwest to Albany and drive across the border than to have the headaches of navigating customs at Trudeau Airport in Montreal.

I’m flying home to Nashville, via Chicago Midway. It’s the first flight out which usually means zero headaches. Let’s hope that holds true this morning. I do everything I can to avoid a travel SNAFU. SNAFU is an acronym for Situation Normal All Fucked Up. I think the military invented that. Likely because it fits. I know. I was in the Navy for 15 years.

Albany is one of those airports where the National Car rental doesn’t have the Emerald Executive option which means you have to wait in line at the counter. That’s a giant pain in the ass. When you drive out though, you don’t need to stop at the gate. It’s a straight shot out. Then, a straight shot back in when you need to return the car. I park my rental and leave a half-filled water bottle in the cup holder. I open the trunk to get my bags and lay the key on the front seat. Then I head to the terminal.

Albany is a small airport, and nothing is open this early. I walk around for a bit, then get in line to wait for the Starbucks to open. Fortunately, I’m first in line. Finally, the green-clad barista unhooks the velvet rope, and we file into the shop. My order is easy. Grande Pike with room for cream and one of those overpriced Egg McMuffin knock-offs Starbucks sells. Everyone else orders a double foam cold brew, three pump mocha chai coffee with two shots, topped with Madagascar cinnamon and monk fruit sweetener. Complete with the little green stick that plugs the hole in your plastic lid. Thankfully, I’m ahead of them in line. I’d like to be able to enjoy my coffee sometime before Christmas. I head to the gate.

On the overhead pager, I hear a muffled announcement about flight delays. I walk over to the monitor and see that all Southwest flights are shown as cancelled. Apparently, there is a computer glitch.

The gate area is already packed with mostly vacationing families and the line at the counter is long, so I jump in and pull out my phone to call Southwest. The rep tells me they normally can’t switch my flights over the phone, but this was a big deal, and she would do what she could. She keeps apologizing profusely and manages to get me on a 10:30 AM flight to BWI with a connection at 4:20 PM to BNA via a quick stop in Cleveland. I will arrive at BNA at 6:40 PM. She sets it up and my boarding pass shows up on my Southwestapp. This is just one of many reasons I never check bags. I like keeping my options open. I thank her and then head off to look for a comfortable place to sit for the next 5 hours.

But something doesn’t feel quite right. Passengers (again, mostly travelling novices) are getting frustrated. I hear a loud scream and shriek coming from the direction of a young mom with a toddler who is having a meltdown of Biblical proportions. The mom, not the toddler. Then I see a group of Southwest flight attendants all talking. I hold my phone up to my ear pretending to be on a call and walk close by to eavesdrop. They are having trouble connecting to their dispatcher (from what I can tell) and none of them know what’s going on. SNAFU was turning into TARFU (Things Are Really Fucked Up). I have a decision to make. Things are probably going FUBAR (Fucked Up Beyond All Recognition) and I don’t want any part of it.

I need to get home tonight. I have a local workshop in the morning. If things don’t get on track and my flight from Albany to BWI is cancelled again, I may not get a later one out and miss my connection in BWI. Also, I watched the weather reports the night before and there are thunderstorms forecast for the Midwest. This is normal in the hot summer afternoons. That could delay or cancel the flight going through Cleveland. I don’t want to spend the night on the airport floor. I’m usually too cheap to get hotels and spent more than a few nights sleeping in airports.

There is another option though.

I could drive the distance home.

Yes, it will be long but at least I know I’ll sleep in my own bed tonight. It’s a roll of the dice though. What if I drive it, and the FUBAR Southwest situation gets fixed? It’s a dilemma. I’m not sure what to do, but I better decide soon.

I opt to re-rent my rental car from National and drive home. It’s still sitting in the garage with the key on the front seat. And the still-cold, half-full water bottle. I start the car and plug in my phone for Google Maps. Travel time is 14 hours and 20 minutes. I start the car and head for the interstate.

It’s a long drive. New York, Pennsylvania, Ohio, Kentucky, then finally to Tennessee. I make it to the Nashville airport, where I need to turn in the rental and pick up my car, at 8:15 PM. The flight I was booked for, Albany to BWI, BWI to Cleveland, and Cleveland to BNA flight arrived well before that at 6:32 PM. A few minutes early. My decision to drive turned out to be the wrong one. I thought back on my process. Maybe this will help you. I had 14 hours and 20 minutes to think about it. It’s an acronym called OSGO.

O – Objective Data

When I knew there was a problem in Albany, I looked at what I knew:

· The flight was cancelled.

· Cancellations have a ripple effect.

· Summer flights are booked to capacity so it’s hard to rebook if you get cancelled.

· There would be storms in Cleveland.

· At the time, Southwest employees were still in the dark.

S – Subjective Data

I then reflected on what I assumed:

· At the time, I was flying about 3 weeks a month. 99% of the time, I flew Southwest. They are reliable but usually booked to capacity.

· I had already experienced computer glitches twice before, once on United and once on Southwest. It’s a mess.

· I saw the meltdowns at the smaller Albany airport. I didn’t want to see the probable mob at the much larger BWI where people would be getting cancelled out of vacation flights to Cancun, Aruba or Jamaica. There would probably be no place to sit and no open outlets to charge my phone or laptop.

G – Gut Feeling

Something didn’t feel right.

Based on previous experience, I just didn’t trust that my new, complicated itinerary would work.

So I decided to drive. And it was the wrong decision. So I then agreed to…

O – Own It

I followed the progress of the flight on the Southwest app at every stop on my drive. I felt good when I saw the Albany flight was delayed by 45 minutes. I was just a little bummed when I saw the flight left Cleveland on time. I was angry when I saw it landed at BNA and I was still driving through Louisville.

But I owned my decision. I used data and my gut reaction. Given what I had, it was the best decision.

Not to mention I came up with a new decision model I later used in my workshops, a new story, 3 new ideas for management curriculum, and caught up with an old friend on the phone. Overall, I think it was a win.

So what about you? When it’s a big decision how do you decide? Next time, think about how to OSGO your decision to prevent TARFU and FUBAR.

Have an AWEsome week!

ps. Next week starts my new sequence of posts. Tuesday is the regular, free INNER CIRCLE. Wednesday is the first part of Get Your Mind Right! Free for three weeks and then the paywall goes up. Thursday is an additional post for paid subscribers. But I’ll keep it free for a couple of weeks. Hopefully you see enough value to be a paid subscriber!

Thanks for joining me.