In this episode of Relational Ground, I sit down with Kevin Shane, co-founder of Noodle Research and former communications and design lead at the Male Contraceptive Initiative. Kevin shares how his work in human-centered design has shaped not only his career but also his understanding of relationships, masculinity, and personal growth.

Our conversation explores the people who shaped Kevin’s worldview, including an uncle who embodied a powerful blend of toughness and compassion. We discuss the concept of sonder, the recognition that every person you meet is living a life as rich and complex as your own, and how that mindset can deepen empathy and reduce judgment.

Kevin also reflects on the importance of discomfort and challenge. From performing in school plays to traveling the world, he argues that growth comes when we move toward adversity rather than away from it, much like a herd of buffalo charging into a storm.

Throughout the episode, we examine how boys and men benefit from communities that encourage vulnerability, experimentation, and authenticity. Whether in sports, theater, work, or marriage, Kevin’s story is a reminder that resilience is built through connection.

This is a thoughtful conversation about what it means to become more fully ourselves, and how the relationships we cultivate make that possible.

Links related to this conversation below:

* Noodle Qualitative Research & Strategy

* Kevin Shane on LinkedIn

* The concept of Sonder: The Awareness That Everyone Has a Story

* Male Contraceptive Initiative

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A key insight is his distinction between being needed and being wanted—a shift that transformed his understanding of love, self-worth, and partnership. He describes how strong relationships create a feedback loop, generating energy that carries into other areas of life.

Yiannos also introduces the idea of the relationship as a “third child” that must be actively nurtured, warning that neglecting it can destabilize the entire family system.

He closes by highlighting two critical challenges for men: the movement from resilience to silence, and the rise of “functional isolation,” where friendships fade over time. His question—who do you call at 2 a.m.?—underscores the need to rebuild meaningful connections in our lives.