Link to video version can be found here.

2020 was an illuminating year for all of us. Personally, I experienced many tumultuous mental and physical health crises that shifted my mentality about almost everything that I had previously crafted my identity on. In turn, I started to share personal anecdotes surrounding my health struggles with my followers in a series called ‘my skin diary’. After the return of my cystic acne, and an awful bout of gastro-intestinal issues caused by a medication I was prescribed for my skin, I began to post about how awful I felt daily. I shared with my, then much larger, audience about how I had struggled with cystic acne since the age of 13, when I had first been prescribed Accutane. Also known as Isotretinoin, this is a very harsh medication prescribed to those with different skin conditions, like cystic acne. From the age of 13 to 20, I was prescribed Accutane on eight different occasions, each time for a year. While taking it, you must get blood work done every month (as there can be horrible side effects), always be on birth control and able to pass a negative pregnancy test, and also pass a multiple choice exam where you’re asked questions about sex, and you have to solve every single one by saying you’ll stay celibate. That’s the only right answer for every question.

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Not only was this like a monthly humiliation and torture ritual for me, but something more sinister was happening. Without my noticing, even the common yet painful side effects of skin peeling and nosebleeds became my casual daily sacrifices to escape people’s gasps of horror at my acne covered skin. After doing this every single month for 8 years to get my medication and have clear skin, I was gutted. I had tried mostly everything else on the market. I had tried every diet, every plan, every topical medication. After every year round of Accutane, when my acne came back like clockwork, the dermatologists would just put me back on it without another thought, reassuring me that maybe I just needed one more round. They reassured me that when I became an adult, the hormones would regulate and the ‘problem’ would fix itself. But when it didn't, and in fact came back in full swing despite my adulthood, I faced an important challenge. I had to realise that these constant ups and downs—of feeling so powerful with clear skin and like a monster without it—had consumed me for too long. The high school girl that would wake up at six o’clock sharp to cake foundation and powder on before class was beginning to believe that being reliant on this medication to feel beautiful, acceptable, and palatable enough in society was absolutely obliterating my mental health.

When I turned 21, and the dermatologist wanted to prescribe me Accutane again, I decided to give a last shot to another medication instead, doxycycline. I didn’t know it would leave me bedridden and 50 pounds lighter than usual. I became a shell of the person I was in just a few months: I was always shaky and lethargic, yet pent up with anxiety. I had to smoke weed every morning just to muster up the strength to get out of bed. Anything I ate or drank would end up vomited back up seconds later. They tried to tell me that these things could be normal, and I just had to wait it out. I knew that there was nothing normal about what was happening to me; I was not functioning in my everyday life at all anymore. So I ghosted them, and got off the medication immediately. After doing my research, I found tretinoin, a topical retinoid that I had never once been offered before. Upon my move back to my hometown to heal and regain healthy weight, I went to my primary care physician and asked if I could have a prescription for it. Immediately, it cleared my skin. And after an endoscopy and colonoscopy, my gastroenterologist gave me strong acid reflux pills and told me to stay away from doxycycline forever. My weight was thankfully regained and my acne has subsided since then, but I’m not really sure how those 8 long years on Accutane will come back to harm me, and how being on birth control since the age of 13 has affected me mentally and physically.

Every American has a story like this, or knows someone who does. My experience is a very tame, and non-lethal example compared to others’ stories. No matter who you are, most of us are closer to being one bad week away from being unhoused, than we are to becoming billionaires. And that one bad week could even be one bad day, if you have a particularly expensive hospital trip. As an American who has lived in Europe and Asia, healthcare is often one of the most glaring differences between our society and the others that I have experienced. In Seoul, I was always blown away by how streamlined and easy it was to get medical attention. Whether you are seeking life saving care or help for something considered to be cosmetic, it was always made accessible, and not just for Korean citizens. Even when I didn’t have insurance, and I got sick or needed an endoscopy, it was so affordable. Perhaps it’s all a matter of perspective, as they would wince when about to read me the total and say, “it’s a bit expensive…” I’m sure times have changed slightly, but it would be something like 20,000 won (~$14) for a month's worth of pills, or 200,000 won (~$141) for an endoscopy at Yonsei’s award winning hospital–anesthesia included. I never felt like I could not afford to get the help I needed, even if I was not covered by insurance. The doctors there were caring, efficient, and extremely professional. On the other hand, public health systems are not always the best. The UK’s NHS for example, has its issues, with extreme staff shortages and immense wait times for even life saving care. Regardless of issues–which could be fixed with some more funding or infrastructure to train doctors to meet the overwhelming amount of people needing care–I do believe that healthcare is a human right, and should be provided to us as such. The American healthcare system is a laughing stock to everyone but us. We cannot allow for profit to be prioritised over health in the way that we currently do. Without our health, what do we have?

The idea of universal healthcare might seem obvious and easy to get onboard with for many of us. But when I shared my health struggles online, I received a lot of mixed reactions from my audience. I could tell that many of the negative comments I received were projections from those unhealed, who still bear the trauma endured through their own acne struggles, or weight fluctuations. On one hand, I had never been more celebrated for how skinny I was by my peers and online yet I felt like I was going to fall over and die at any moment. On the other hand, I was called cursed and disgusting for refusing to cover up my cystic acne anymore, but also was somehow receiving the most clicks, opportunities, and attention of my whole online career. People could either relate and were excited for the representation, or tried to repress me and do mental acrobatics to find a way to make my struggles my own fault. I see these two camps of thought in many of our current platitudes, healthcare aside. There’s people who will say hey, this isn’t right! I want to yell about this, and get it out there in the open, and then maybe do something to change it and make it fairer for everyone. And then there’s people that say, well hey now, it’s been this way forever! I’ve had to do this for decades! And now you want to change it, just because you’re over doing what I’ve been forced to do forever? That’s not fair; that’s not how things worked for me, so they won’t work like that for you!

Societal pressure and indoctrination often make us perpetrators of our own trauma. The everyday violence that these systems normalise keeps us so pained, so fearful, that we want to inflict the same pain on others. No one came to help you when you were struggling to pay your health insurance premium, so why would you help them, or allow them to get off scot free? I believe that punishing younger generations–those who will feel the effects of allowing healthcare, education, and energy to prioritise profit over the people and the climate–is a form of masochistic self-harm. I think many are angry that they let themselves be fucked over by systems for so long. But it’s not too late to fight for something right. Maybe it’s not outrightly going to help you, but the impact your choices have will go on to help many.

You cannot go back to the past. Change will always be synonymous with humankind, and trying to delay this process is futile. When Elvis came out shaking his hips on the Ed Sullivan show, the elder and more conservative generations were mortified by his dancing. He was signed on for three special performances, two of which were filmed from head to toe, and met with an uproar of outrage (or delight, from his fans.) An infamous democratic senator and well known segregationist, James Eastland, even publicly called for him to be suppressed. Though the last performance may have been broadcasted from the hips up, Senator Eastland could not stop progress, no matter how hard he tried. I think if you brought a City Girls CD to the Ed Sullivan show, they would have had you tried as a witch and burned immediately. But things go on, and I am blessed to be able to listen to Megan Thee Stallion. I thought everyone learned that the past is better left in the past when they read The Great Gatsby in middle school. History repeats itself; the lesson will be relearned. The past cannot be resurrected, no matter how hard you try. I do believe we will, one day, make progress in the right direction with healthcare and the climate. I have to hope and believe.

Last December, something shifted slightly within the public discourse surrounding healthcare. Someone was caught on CCTV in midtown Manhattan after having allegedly shot Brian Thompson, CEO of UnitedHealthcare. Most of us did not know of Brian Thompson before this day. But soon enough, it was revealed that UHC was under investigation for implementing AI to reject 90% of claims, making UHC the top denier of claims, and the DOJ had also named him in a lawsuit for insider trading. Due to these cases, the police initially had reported that it looked like the work of a professional, perhaps alluding to it being an inside job or that of a highly skilled or even paid, assassin. For a week after, the NYPD mobilised like we had never seen before, bringing out all the resources they could to track down the person many online began to call “The Adjuster.” On December 9th, LM was arrested in a McDonalds in Altoona, Pennsylvania. The media circus that ensued was like nothing I had ever seen in my life before, as people picked apart LM’s social media accounts for any crumb of information that could put together the pieces. To many, it didn’t seem likely that someone like him who seemed to have it all on paper (valedictorian, rich, good-looking), would have allegedly been able to commit this crime. Attempting to fit him into the image of someone who could be the perpetrator of this crime sent many people into a spiral. Apparently, the police and UHC were also concerned about the reaction that ensued: UHC has allegedly issued DMCA’s to people using the alleged shooter’s CCTV image for stickers—without any mention of the company or alleged crime. In a memo, police instructed media outlets to stop posting his image–instead opting for one that pictured him with—what one can only assume is—soiled pants in a police interrogation room. I began really following the case the day he had an outburst outside of the Pennsylvania courthouse. According to a court filing by LM’s Pennsylvania attorney Thomas Dickey, after the police allegedly failed to read LM his Miranda rights at McDonalds, he did not know if he would even have representation in court. Exasperated, he yelled to anyone that could hear: “Your coverage of this event has been completely out of touch and an insult to the intelligence of the American people and their lived experience.” 

I talked passionately about due process in my last piece. What ensued in the past four months has been the most insane disregard for due process and the right to the presumption of innocence I can attest to seeing play out in real time. Many of you will remember the perp walk that happened on December 19th. Perp walks have been around forever, and are utilized by the police to parade around the individual they have captured to make them appear guilty to the general public. They also function as a way to pat themselves on the back and say, “yeah, we did it everyone", which is exactly what Eric Adams and Jessica Tisch proceeded to do in their subsequent press conference.

What stood out most to me about the perp walk was seeing a person, born in the same year as me, being paraded around like a trophy in the dead of winter, without a bulletproof vest or, even, just a jacket. As if the perp walk wasn’t enough, Adams and Tisch have gone on countless shows and filmed documentaries about the case, sharing privileged evidence before a federal indictment has been filed. This is extremely problematic for the defense. Though being given a strict deadline to file motions (April 23rd), “roughly 130 pages of Grand Jury testimony are being withheld, roughly one-fourth of the Grand Jury testimony” as of March 26th, 2025. However, the prosecutors’ willingness to act outside the boundaries of set codes of conduct and instead focus on things like LM’s court attire or notes of support may come back to bite them, as they continue to make extrajudicial statements in attempts to influence the potential jury pool. The perceived “woke” nature of the alleged crime has thrust LM into becoming a symbol for the fight surrounding healthcare—with his consent or not. He has become the vessel upon which the Trump admin will demonstrate how they intend on claiming, conquering, and quelling anything perceived as dissent or the incitement of it.

I attended one of LM’s first state hearings, the one that occurred on December 23rd, 2024. That morning, armed with my heat tech and hand warmers, I was shocked by how few people had come to line up to spectate. However, it had been extremely cold, information on location/timing extremely scarce, and awareness still spreading. I realized after that day that many do not know they have a right to spectate any court hearing they choose to. Media presence around 100 Centre Street was already strong when I arrived, and many reporters came up to intimidate us into speaking with them, shoving images of LM in our faces and asking if “this” is why we’ve come. But not everyone was there to support LM or his right to a fair trial, exactly. Many were there because of their experiences as healthcare workers, as people with healthcare, or people simply interested in politics or law. Chelsea Manning spoke publicly about why she attended LM’s most recent hearing here. No matter who it was that I spoke to or where they came from, we all stood together in a quiet solidarity that day. I found it to be a very meaningful day for me. Seeing LM with shackles around his waist keeping his hands in place in front of him at all times was a sobering experience. The redness around his eyes and paleness of his skin were a glaring reminder that he is still a human being, and one with indelible rights. Despite the blinding eruption of camera flashes as he walked out of the courtroom, he held his head up with unwavering strength. Since then, the control he faces at his hearings has been heightened: he is not allowed to be unshackled unless he is to sign something, and cannot even grab a glass to have a drink of water. When asked to remove his cuffs in court, the Judge maintained that “for security reasons and for the security people here, they would prefer him to remain cuffed.” Mass murderers, those who often make very explicit their intentions to harm oppressed communities, are hardly ever given this type of treatment in court. Even if you believe him to be guilty, surely his treatment–as though he has already been found guilty–should still come off as alarming to you. 

I keep thinking about the Manson family case, especially since that’s what headlines seemed to enjoy calling those of us who attended any of LM’s hearings. I am purposely not linking these inflammatory articles, but you can find them easily if you go looking. I actually was interested in the Manson case years ago, and read everything I could find on it. Manson was good at speaking to the runaway of the 60’s– children born in a time when communes, open door policies, and free love were the mainstays of society. He was a man of his times, beckoning the lost soul into his community with music and psychedelics. He was also a perpetual criminal, a narcissist, and a master manipulator. As Dianne Lake put it in her book Member of the Family:

“As I discovered that first day in his magic bus, when he focused his attention on you, he made you believe there was no one else in the world. He also had the uncanny sensibility bestowed upon mystics, yet misused by sociopaths and con men, to know exactly what you needed. Charlie knew what you were afraid of, and could paint a scenario that would use all those insights to his advantage—traits that I would see in equal parts over time. Of course, at this moment, as I walked up the bus steps I saw none of these things. Instead, all I saw was acceptance.”

Manson was incredibly racist, and believed that The Beatles song Helter Skelter was a subtle nod of confirmation to his theory that a race war was the only way to heal the world. So, using his ‘charms,’ Manson indoctrinated a cult of young people to kill at his whim, and attempted to blame it on black people to incite a race war. Manson’s trial is an infamous one; his attempts to make a mockery of the courtroom and his crimes in general are extensive. On one occasion, Manson came out with a bloody X etched into his forehead during one of his hearings. On another occasion, The New York Times reported that he “leaped at the judge in the Sharon Tate murder trial today and said after being subdued that “someone should cut your head off.” Despite the horrific nature of his crimes and what he was actively trying to incite, Manson was not labeled a terrorist, nor was he tried as such. He was found guilty on seven counts of first degree murder, one count of conspiracy to commit murder, and sentenced to death. However, the very next year, the death penalty was abolished in the state of California. Many of his family members, who committed the crimes directly, even eventually made parole and now live freely. Manson lived out his whole life in prison, having been denied parole twelve times despite having “accrued 108 serious disciplinary violations in prison since 1971”, until his death in 2017.

I believe the death penalty should be done away with completely, and the prison system completely annihilated and replaced with something that encourages positive change, rather than perpetual punishment. But to think Manson wasn’t deemed influential or dangerous enough to be tried as a terrorist, and LM allegedly is? When I saw LM, I saw a man being respectful and polite, even to those who paraded him around and yelled out to him like a caged animal. I saw someone who held his tongue, knowing the severity of his situation, despite the fact that his rights were actively being stripped away. And I see someone who, despite having what I assume to be massive amounts of discovery to review, takes time to make logs of letters he receives and tries his best to respond to many. This sort of pressure, on any one human, would be immense to carry. I’m actually grateful the media even made the comparison between LM and Manson’s cases—while both are highly publicized, their cases actually highlight a glaring difference between the two: just how politicized LM’s case has become. I think that if LM had allegedly targeted minorities, Trump would have called him a nice guy and invited him to hang in his luxury football suite once he was acquitted. Maybe you don’t. But for Daniel Penny and Kyle Rittenhouse, two alleged ‘vigilante’ murderers who committed racially charged attacks, it went pretty much like that. Patrick Crusius, a man who killed 23 people in a white supremacist filled rage against hispanic immigrants, was even recently offered a plea deal to avoid the death penalty.

For people of color, lack of due process is unsurprising and commonplace. Those at the BLM protests I attended were tear gassed and shot at with rubber bullets, but those at 50501 last week were not. I don’t want to knock the 50501 protests—and do correct me if I am wrong—but I saw many express that the crowd seemed to be mostly older and white. I saw a video of a Gen-Z individual who spoke about the lack of our generation’s presence in the crowd, which is not that shocking if you consider that many of the younger people in this age bracket would consider themselves to be more right-wing or a-political. Perhaps I am wrong, and this was not the case, but I, unfortunately, was not there to see for myself.

I would also like to mention that 50501’s stance on Palestine seems shaky—and the absence of support for Palestine on their platforms is glaring. As of three days ago, they have posted a video calling for “justice, liberation, and dignity for all people everywhere,” however I hope that as the movement grows, so too, will their courage. Making sure the existence of Palestine and its people is explicitly visible and loudly spoken about is incredibly important for an organisation like theirs to do, especially when the current administration attempts to label the mere representation of Palestine as anti-semitism, or even terrorism. While I want to appreciate people like Cory Booker for his ‘filibuster’, or other Democrats who went to the protests to speak, their stance on Palestine is always awful, and it’s a big reason why many leftist people, me included, were hesitant to cast a vote for Kamala. It’s just simply not enough to fight for freedom–in any way shape or form–here but not everywhere else. We are not free until we are all free. I want to mention that I was really proud of Hasan Piker’s speech, I think he kept it short and sweet enough. I am glad he continues to use his voice so fearlessly for Palestine.

50501 was just as peaceful as the BLM protests I attended were. When it’s people of color peacefully protesting in the streets and demanding justice for George Floyd or Breonna Taylor, they are tear gassed and shot at with rubber bullets; but whether it’s the peaceful white folks with colorful signs or the violent white folks wielding guns but wearing MAGA hats, they’re labelled “good” people and left to their protest, whether it is peaceful or not? When one amasses a cult with intent to kill on your behalf to incite a race war, it’s life without parole and or even release; but allegedly killing one rich white healthcare CEO and the AG immediately calls for the death penalty without allowing for any sort of due process to take place? When ideas can become illegal and the government maintains their right to deport or detain people based on their views, dissent and terrorism is fully in the eye of the beholder. Punishing those who allegedly attempt to threaten the rich, white ruling class is encouraged. However, any sort of justice for those who kill the innocent people in Gaza is swiftly swept under the rug.

If the death served to benefit the big money making machine that America depends on, then it wasn’t murder, it was simply business as usual. The government says: “Congrats, you get a pass to kill! Collect your get out of jail free card; it’s good for an unlimited amount of uses, as long as you kiss the ring.” Rules are mere suggestions to those with enough money and influence to fight or intimidate their way into evading consequences. The Trump admin has made it extremely clear that those that are for a free Palestine, those that want to see change in America at the alleged risk of their freedom, and those that believe in free speech, all things they are trying to claim are ‘illegal ideas,’ are all to be considered dissenters and terrorists, whether they are citizens, residents, students, or immigrants. Mahmoud Khalil is just one example, but since his detainment, there have been many more instances. In fact, just this week, Sam Beard, Stop Cop-City activist and spokesperson for LM’s official legal fund, was visited by the FBI’s Joint Terrorism Task Force. It is clear that the government is utilizing this task force—and whatever other resources it can mobilize—to intimidate those who they deem dissenters–even just those that dissent with their use of free speech or protest. They have even blatantly stated they are looking for ways to legally deport citizens. I can’t help but wonder: how will they operate when the fine-line between dissenting and exercising one’s constitutional rights becomes more and more blurred? Will those that believe in the constitution–even those who may have voted for the current admin–be labeled terrorists for even attempting to uphold our fundamental rights? The Trump admin’s fight to dismantle due process is a grotesque attack on our democracy, and a danger to us all. Which pillar of democracy will they attempt to dismantle next? And which will it take to finally mobilize us?

If you would like to donate to LM’s official legal fundraiser, I’ve linked it here.