Given this weekend’s events and the current state of social media as a whole, at this moment in time, my newsletter is the one space I feel confident will allow us as a digital community to maintain a truly meaningful connection.

And given the current state of the world, I know I am craving connection and community more right now than ever. How about you?

Now, you may have stumbled upon this post as a confident go-getter who goes full steam ahead towards their dreams and desires and always lands on their feet. And if you miraculously and likely, accidentally, wound up here in my Substack sphere, first of all, I’d like to say three cheers for you, you f*****g unicorn. And secondly, while I’m sooo happy for you and not irritated at all by your immense self-belief and wondrous success in all that you do because I’m hashtag doing the self-work to mostly mean that and also, don’t actually fully believe you, I just want to put it out there before we’re in too deep… I might not be “your people”.

However, if you, like myself, are a mere mortal, welcome to my Substack! By nature, some of the more unfortunate quirks of being a human being that most inherit from birth are a deep fear of the unknown and a deeper distaste for rejection. As we get older and life all-too frequently confirms that exploring the unknown is uncomfortable at best and rejection sucks 100% of the time, those charming quirks can manifest into a perpetual habit of getting in our own way… over and over again. Good news is, that fun fact is pretty universal! So again, I share this “note to self” because unless you’re a unicorn, we could all use a friendly reminder to get the f**k out of it every once in a while.

So, why did I decide that swearing at you was a good place to start this new venture? Well…

It was the only way I could actually start it! Because I almost didn’t. I almost decided that maybe Substack just wasn’t for me. Any guesses what could’ve possibly stopped me from writing this and then, actually asking you to read it entirely? All together now… ME!

Transparently, I’ve had this account set up for nearly two months. I’ve stared at my computer screen until I started seeing double and spent weeks anxiously humming and hawing about what my first post should be about. I’ve started and deleted countless thoughts and tangents because the tyrannical boss hovering over my shoulder and whispering not-so-sweet nothings in my ear had me convinced that whatever I was writing couldn’t possibly be profound or impressive enough to convince you to subscribe and stick around. Spoiler alert: I work from home with no colleagues. The a*****e in my ear was me. She is me.

Then, someone somewhere somehow found my page in the black hole of brilliant content on this app where I thought I’d comfortably hidden the nothingness I’ve offered up since claiming my domain and subscribed. So, here we are. I had no choice but to stop hiding. Once again, external validation saves the day.

To be honest, I’m still having minor heart palpitations every time I remember that I have actually officially started this page. The spiral is endless. What will I write about? Who will want to read it? What if I’m finally my complete and utter self and the all-powerful They with a capital T, hate it? Or worse… nobody even f*****g cares?! And now, I’m actively writing the first post you will see and if you’ve read this far, thanks but also, if you hate it, please don’t tell me because I’m too many words in to start over and —*woo-f*****g-sah*

Wait… hang on a second. I just realized in real time that I am doing it. And if you’re reading this sentence, that means you’re reading what I wrote. And if you’ve gotten this far, it means you probably actually sort of… like it? And maybe, I’m being presumptuous but that feels like something I know now that I didn’t know before I posted this. And holy s**t, that means the formerly unknown that almost stopped me from writing this at all, was a pretty freaking sweet situation that I’m really happy, grateful and excited about and dare I say it, even proud of myself for? And ya… some people may have chosen not to click the link or read my work or subscribe to my page. F**k, I’m sure A LOT of people didn’t. But ignorance is bliss when it comes to rejection and I don’t know who or how many didn’t anyway so who f*****g cares?! All I know is that you’re here because there is a link to click, a post to read and a subscribe button to press. Because I got out of my own f*****g way. With a little push from that first ominous subscriber. Thanks for that one, friend.

And now I’m passing that virtual nudge along, just in case you need it.

Before I go on, let me preface what I’m about to say with the fact that I hate myself for quoting a cheesy sports mantra right now but this is relevant and timeless and I’m Canadian so this man is basically our King, which I feel gives me a pass. “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.”- Wayne Gretzky. Side note, I generally don’t care for sports whatsoever but hockey is the lifeblood of my people.

And he’s right! The only way we 100% guarantee the failure, rejection and/or pain we are all, rightfully, scared of is by never trying or doing the thing or sending the pitch or swiping right… or is it left? I met my husband before dating apps were really a thing. Which, yes, makes me a bit of a dinosaur but aging is a privilege and these days, so is getting to say “I met my husband in real life” so I’m very much okay with that. But I digress.

We still might fail, or get rejected or hurt if we try but also? We might not. So what if, instead of being the tyrannical bosses or critical bullies or anxious helicopter moms in our own ear, rattling off potentially negative what-if’s and talking ourselves out of ever putting ourselves out there and trying, we just… didn’t? What if we just convinced ourselves to try because this time, it might just work out. And if it doesn’t, what if it not working out this time leads us to the next time when it does?

When you think about it, that’s kind of just how the cookie called life crumbles. But if we don’t just do the thing or try, we’re essentially… how do I put this eloquently? I don’t know. Essentially, we’re fucked. Because we are absolutely guaranteeing, without a shadow of a doubt, we will never get to the time it all worked out because we’re stuck here, in this time, which I imagine isn’t really filling our cup or satiating our appetite because we’re actively toying with the idea of doing something to shift, transform or progress from where we currently are.

I don’t know about you, but a majority of the time, not doing “the thing” out of fear that I will pour time, thought and energy into doing something and failing at it, actually wastes way more time, thought and energy in the end. Because instead of just ripping off the bandaid and committing the means necessary to fail or not to fail, I will spend weeks, months, maybe even years ideating on it, wondering what could have been and/or regretting my choice to not take the shot. And guess what? I get absolutely nothing in return for all that valuable time and energy spent spiraling.

The sooner I just do it, whatever “it” is, the sooner I get to gaining a lesson learned, imperative feedback, boosted confidence — and hell, maybe even success! I may not get the ideal result I was after but I won’t leave the experience empty-handed. No matter what, I will move on to the next chapter with more than I had before and I will be one step closer to filling my cup, being the woman I want to be and showing my kids you actually can do anything you set your mind to. That, my friends, is time very well spent.

I know we’re all about to be inundated with the “new year, new you” marketing b******t that anxiety attacks are made of so please, don’t misconstrue this for that. I have no doubt you’re f*****g great exactly as you are. But, in fairness to the PR wizards that play on our emotional instability, we do all want to grow, evolve and improve. Life is short. Who doesn’t want to be, give and receive more while we’re here? And so we should. If it all stayed the same, it’d make for incredibly f*****g boring chat during our bi-monthly coffee catch ups with the friends we wish we had time to see more often!

Thankful for the nudge that helped me get out of my own way so I could be here with you right now. Thankful for the fire in my belly that’s constantly pushing me to the edge of what could be next. And very thankful for you being here to explore this new adventure with me. Jury’s still out on if I’m “to fail or not to fail” on this one but I’m grateful for you supporting me while I just do the thing and try. I hope you’ll stick around for the inevitably wild ride ahead!

FYI, you can absolutely sign up for a free subscription but if you enjoyed this post and want to see more like it, you may be left with some FOMO! Posts like these will generally only be accessible for paid subscribers in the future, along with our chat group, exclusive video content and monthly Ask Me Anything’s!