We often think of boundaries as something we use with other people - saying no, protecting our energy, asserting ourselves, eliminating toxicity or challenging behaviour. But what I’m discovering is that if I can’t hold a boundary with myself, it’s very hard to do it cleanly with anyone else.

I’ll share what it feels like when you hit a solid no. For me that happened thiS morning, when I noticed how a business strategy I’d been using - cold outreach emailing - left me feeling drained, rejected, and quietly miserable. I’d been pushing through it with willpower, telling myself it was “good for me” and “necessary.”

But my body said something very different.

So I listened.

And what emerged was a clear, grounded, self-respecting no. Which weirdly, led to a clear yes later. More trust and more alignment with your self, and by extension - others

I want more of that, perhaps you do too.

I unpack the story that says you have to be in the ‘right mood’ before you’re allowed to show up, and why that might not be true.

This is about resistance, aliveness, low-mood, being real, and the possibility that you don’t need to arrive cheerful, polished or ‘up for it’ to take part. You might just need to arrive as you are.

Can you relate? That’s been my experience of late. But then I found an unexpected ally…

These reflections came to me in the bath, of all places, when I noticed myself once again circling an old, unresolved situation and trying to make sense of something that may simply never make sense. And instead of analysing it even more, something different happened:

I laughed.

That laughter surprised me. But it also brought relief.

Because life’s a ridiculous circus pantomime, right?

So in this episode, I share a little experiment I’m trying: using laughter as a way to loosen the grip of confusion, relieve overthinking, and create some healthy distance from situations that are really just absurd, contradictory, overinflated or simply not mine to carry.

The spark for this reflection was a message from my friend Tom, who said: joy is wealth. That landed deeply. Because after a long winter of grief, withdrawal, heartbreak and recovery, I’m beginning to notice what happens when my focus starts to move outward again - away from my own internal noise, and back into the flow of life.

I reflect on joy as something natural and fundamental in us. Not something to force or manufacture, but something that emerges when the layers of fear, melancholy, trauma and self-protection begin to soften. For me, that state feels like joyful curiosity - open-hearted, available, playful, receptive, and in contact with the world.

I share a story from a hard day in London, when I deliberately led myself towards small, life-giving things - a walk, a coffee, a sauna, a few moments of real connection - and found myself unexpectedly described as having “joyful curiosity.” That phrase stayed with me. It helped me recognise that even when I’ve been deep in grief, joy is still possible. Not instead of sorrow, but alongside it.

I also explore the idea that joy can be an act of rebellion. A quiet resistance to cynicism, shutdown, scarcity, modern disconnection, and other forces that flatten us. Choosing joy doesn’t mean denying pain, pretending everything is OK, or sacrificing sincerity. It means refusing to let pain be the whole story.

Find the ‘Tiny Acts of Aliveness’ challenge I mention in this episode, here: chriskenworthy.co.uk/aliveness

Self-compassion, inner child work and emotional attunement are wonderful things, but I began to notice something unsettling - that soothing my big feelings in a gentle, maternal way was making them bigger, not calmer. Instead of helping the storm pass, it seemed to reinforce helplessness, collapse and emotional spiralling.

In this episode, I share a new experiment: meeting my inner world with a steadier, more paternal kind of presence. Not cold, not shut down, not harsh - but grounded, matter-of-fact, containing, reassuring and directional. A presence that can acknowledge the feeling, hold perspective, and then ask: what now?

I reflect on masculine and feminine energies, inner child dynamics, emotional storms, victimhood, agency, and the difference between soothing a feeling and containing it. I share how this shift is helping me move through grief, loneliness and overwhelm with more stability, clarity and momentum.

This is an episode about feelings, stories, nervous system states, inner leadership, and the surprising possibility that what helps me isn’t always more tenderness - sometimes it’s steadiness, structure and a plan.

Sparked by a dream about drums, rhythm and an instinctive masculine presence, this episode explores what it might mean to be held by something greater than yourself - nature, seasonality, the body, time, instinct, spirit, the greater force of life itself. When words, strategies and self-help tools stop working, what remains? What if there’s a deeper beat still going on in and around you?

Join me as I explore the comfort of surrendering to larger cycles, while still participating in them. I’ll reflect on grief, timing, intuition, agency, masculine psyche, improvisation, and the possibility that some parts of us already know when to move closer, when to step back, when to rest, and when to trust what unfolds.

This is an episode about rhythm, mystery, instinct, support, and the spiritual relief of realising you don’t live life alone.

In this episode I explore the difference between caring (attention, effort, emotional labour) and blessing (love from afar, well-wishing, release).

If you’re a sensitive, perfectionistic, empathetic type who ends up feeling on behalf of other people, this is an invitation to draw a clearer boundary around your ‘kingdom’ - to reclaim that which is yours (and shed that which isn’t), with dignity.

Try it today. Say you don’t care, if you find yourself caught up in someone else’s drama, or taking responsibility for their reactions. What comes up for you? Judgement, shame… or relief.

Instead, I want to explore something adjacent: ambition.

A friend told me recently, “I’m not ambitious.” And it got us into a deeper inquiry: what if ambition has become tangled up with conventional success - status, money, prestige, the “nice car and impressive job” storyline - and that’s why so many people feel allergic to the word?

In this episode I share my own career arc (from “prestigious job and gravy train” → jumping off in my late 20s → an anti-corporate, frugal, rebellious 30s → a 40s return to purpose, impact, and more options). And I unpack why “success” and “failure” are often unhelpful binaries… because some of the most meaningful wins are actually how we navigate what didn’t work.

We’ll also talk about:

* The difference between goals (often cold, rigid, and perfectionism-triggering) and hopes (clear enough, but held lightly)

* How ambition can be healthy when it’s yours, internally referenced, and aligned with your values

* The “vibe check” principle: how the things that go well often feel lighter, more natural, less forced

* Why clarity soothes (and how ambiguous expectations can be an act of unkindness to your nervous system)

* A winter-friendly approach: dream now, hope gently, act later (spring is for beginnings)

If you’re feeling behind, lost, or like you “should” know what you’re doing with your life by now - I hope this episode meets you softly. There’s no rush. You’re a living process. And surviving gracefully counts as success in my book.

Share your reflections: chris@chriskenworthy.co.uk

Find me on Instagram + LinkedIn: Chris Kenworthy

Subscribe to Letters to Perfectionism: perfectletters.substack.com

This episode is a postcard from midwinter - a love letter from the quieter edge of life. I’m exploring the difference between loneliness, being alone, and solitude… and why those aren’t the same thing.

I talk about those “lonely stories” many of us have (how a feeling becomes a narrative, which quickly becomes ‘truth’), and how easy it is to live in a world where you can go days without meaningful contact - even when surrounded by people.

From a quiet New Year, I’ve been experimenting with what I’m calling conscious solitude: choosing withdrawal on purpose, putting myself first, slowing down, making humble plans, and giving myself the loving gaze I usually reach for ‘out there.’ Not isolation. Not a digital detox. More like 80% inward, 20% outward - with gentle contact points to stay sane.

If you’ve ever felt lonely in a crowd, or caught yourself outsourcing your sense of worth, this one’s for you. Big hug. I see you. Happy new year.

I share recent stories from my life and my improv practice, including a difficult withdrawal from a performance. Through these moments, we look at why boundaries often feel icky or shame-tinged, why we avoid them, and how our bodies tell us the truth long before our minds do.

We’ll explore the difference between loving boundaries and defensive ones, how resentment grows when edges aren’t expressed, and why small, compassionate no’s prevent the need for thermonuclear ones.

And towards the end, I share an unexpected discovery: how honouring your own boundaries subtly shifts your presence in the world - how people look at you differently, how you feel more real, and how clarity creates safety, play, and connection (just like good improv!).

Come along if you’ve ever struggled with people-pleasing, losing yourself in any kind of relationship, anxiety, or trusting yourself.

From the trenches of self-improvement fatigue, I look at how seriousness becomes a self-reinforcing way of being in the world - one that mistakes control for safety, purpose for productivity, and endurance for worth.

I share why our nervous systems cling to the familiar heaviness of ‘being the grown-up’ and how that seriousness quietly drains colour and aliveness from our lives, and what helps to shake it loose again: irreverence, mischief, distraction, connection, and following what feels alive.

This is an invitation to loosen your white-knuckled grip on life’s steering wheel - not by abandoning responsibility, but by remembering the play, pleasure, and curiosity that make being human worth it.

If you often forget to have fun (or can’t even remember how to), this one’s for you.

Part archetype, part inner-world explorer, the Fool becomes a guide into your psyche: revealing sleepy parts, terrified parts, sexy snake-bodied parts, collapsed melodrama parts, cautious parts, joyful parts - every fragment you usually hide, override, shame, or race past.

Instead of fixing or analysing, the Fool asks only: “Ooh… what’s here now?”

I share what I learned as I moved through my own inner landscape: how easily I lose myself in ‘other’ (hello people-pleasers), how much drama my parts can stir when I believe them too literally, how the whole system softens when met with playful non-judgement, and how fooling, surprisingly, becomes a kind of reparenting of yourself.

We look at why perfectionists struggle with this (hello right/wrong thinking), why embodiment is the key to bypassing the mind’s defences, and how the Fool teaches you to let every part have its moment on stage, then bow and exit.

You’ll hear about invisible rest, snake energy, Monday-morning cupboard meltdowns, the theatre of our inner world, and the art of touching your own experience without becoming it.

If you’ve ever wished for a way to meet your noisy inner world - your wounds, your longing, your tenderness, your mischief - without drowning in it, the Fool might just be the companion you’ve been looking for.

This episode weaves together attachment theory, perfectionism, embodiment, and nervous system theory as I reflect on how people like us (anxiously attached) show up in relationship with ourselves and others, as well as in even the tiniest gestures - like reaching for your phone or social media.

I share a micro-practice I’ve been experimenting with: catching the moment of “reach” and meeting it with breath, touch, and self-attunement instead of self-abandonment. We explore why self-soothing isn’t about yet more hyper-independence, but about rebuilding trust with ourselves - without cutting off from connection with others, nature, or what’s truly sacred and meaningful.

Along the way, I speak about boundaries, heartbreak, relentless doing as a recovering Perfectionist, and the lifelong dance between self and other - between the child who still reaches for safety and the adult who can now hold that reach with love.

I look at how perfectionism plays into our desire for merging and control, how we project our unloved parts onto others, and how the path to healing (or wholeness) might lie not in fixing, but in welcoming everything - every messy, contradictory, beautiful part of being human.

Along the way, I find myself circling grief, dignity, humility, and love - with the quiet realisation that what I’ve been searching for has been here all along. What if you’re the one you’ve been waiting for?

In this croaky reflection, I explore what it means to know when you’re struggling. Not just intellectually, but through bodily signals you might recognise. Like the tight jaw, restless legs, sleepless nights, looping thoughts, the quiet slide from responsibility into martyrdom. Through the lens of perfectionism, I map how easily “doing our best” turns into self-neglect, resentment, and collapse.

I share my own warning signs, the ways my inner critic piles on shame, and what it means to retreat with care rather than make self-care another performance. This is an invitation to pause, listen to your body, and remember: struggling isn’t failure - it’s a signal to love yourself more gently.

Drawing from my embodiment coaching training, I share stories about receiving confronting feedback (and unexpected compliments), and how these moments can fundamentally shake our self-conceptions.

We look at why embodied feedback - how you feel to be around in a room, the signals your body sends - matters far more than the stories in your head. And why it’s so hard for us perfectionists to accept kindness or praise. And also how your shadow (or unconscious embodiment), left unexplored, can quietly grab the steering wheel.

Feedback can be affirming or excruciatingly difficult to receive. Yet when we look past our insecurities and fear of judgment - it can be a doorway to more range, choice, and self-mastery. Because who you really are might be bigger, kinder, and more complex (ad messy!) than you dare to believe.

We’ll explore why aliveness isn’t necessarily something ‘out there’ to chase, but life that’s already within you (like desire, wants, attraction) and why and how it demands expression, as well as fulfilment.

I’ll share stories of how my attention can leak into rumination, resentment or numbing (like social media, phone, addiction) and why choosing where you place your attention is your most precious act of agency and asserting yourself in the world.

I also map three natural, human attentional pulls (one-to-one; group/collective; self) and how your old wounds affect each of these.

Join me as I wonder aloud about whether that impulse to seek aliveness from others or out there is really an invitation to meet the aliveness already within you, and then express it - through movement, play, creating, or simply walking the beach and writing messages in the sand.

Along the way I touch upon the impact of grief and loneliness, the improvisational and ephemeral nature of aliveness, and how to hold yourself in strength and softness through all of this.

It’s like driving with one foot on the accelerator and one on the brake: so much energy, but no movement.

I share how I’m learning to slow down, sense anger and sadness as separate forces, and give each a clean expression. Not to lash out, not to repress, but to reclaim agency and aliveness. This is an invitation to notice where you’re holding resentment, and to begin releasing it in a way that feels safe and human.

If you’re a regular listener you’ll know I’m a recovering perfectionist. So I notice how quickly I police urges (from cream buns to sexual desire), labelling them “right/wrong” and shutting down aliveness. Here I reveal an edgy challenge in my own life - feelings of attraction that have awakened primal impulses to protect and possess, and how easily I moralise them.

Guided by embodiment, I talk about the practice of “touching reality with consciousness” - locating the sensation in my body, letting it move, finding safety, and staying with the longing itself.

The episode is an invitation to trade evaluation for presence, to experience appetite as energy, and to widen our capacity to be human messy, desirous, and alive without making it another problem to fix.

I share why playfulness isn’t about learning to “do” play, but about subtracting the noise and distractions that cover up our natural capacity to “be” playful. I talk about following aliveness, experimenting with safe ways of play, and discovering your own play “love language.” I offer simple practices too, drawn from improv and embodiment - like slowing down, following the fun, and welcoming everything - as well as poses that help shift you into a more playful state.

This is a conversation about reclaiming what’s already inside you, building range and resilience, and learning to hold life more lightly.

Visit www.chriskenworthy.co.uk/play for a gift eBook on discovering your play love language.

This is part analysis, part rant, and part love letter to the art of play. I share what I learned about game-building, commitment, group dynamics, and what improvisers know deeply: how to meet a moment, how to make others look good, and how to navigate not knowing.

I also explore our need for fun, connection, and recognition - and what it means to offer joy when it might not be met. If you’ve ever longed to play but hesitated at the edge, or found yourself carrying too much responsibility, this one’s for you.

I make the case for why it’s worth getting curious about perfectionism—not just as a personality trait or habit, but as a powerful, often hidden force shaping how you feel, work, relate, and live. You don’t have to call yourself a perfectionist to benefit from exploring it.

This isn’t about diagnosis it’s about self-understanding. In this episode, I offer some reflections on what perfectionism really is, how it works in the shadows, and what might become possible when you see it more clearly.

I often meet people who say they don’t know how to play or forgot, or that they’ve never really felt playful. So I wanted to take a closer look: What is play, really? How do we find our way into it without pressure or performance? And what might it mean to reclaim play as a personal, pleasurable, maybe even vital part of being human?

This is an open-hearted invitation to notice what kind of play lights you up, with suggestions on how to identify that. I also clear up unhelpful myths and stereotypes about what play should be - that could be getting in the way of you feeling more alive, curious and playful.

I explore how this contraction shows up in the smallest places: in how we walk, speak, think, write, and relate. It’s not just a behaviour - it’s a survival strategy. And letting go for people like us isn’t about forcing ourselves to relax. It’s about noticing the grip, appreciating why it’s there, then gently inviting something new.

This is an episode about self-trust, aliveness, feeling and discovering more micro-moments where you get to choose whether you tighten or soften. This is for anyone who feels exhausted by the effort of holding everything together.

In this episode, I explore our very human relationship with the unknown. I reflect on how your mind instinctively scrambles to make meaning when we find ourselves in unfamiliar territory - and how that effort to “work it out” can sometimes get in the way of effectively navigating what unfolds, and even thriving and creating in it.

Borrowing lessons from improvisation, I talk about the discomfort of not-knowing, the urge to assign a story, and the subtle fear that can creep in when nothing makes sense yet. This is me making the case for more curiosity instead of control, when we don’t know what to do next.

It’s a playful diagnosis, but a real experience. I look at how fun deficit disorder (FDD) links to perfectionism, mental over-exertion, and emotional and physical disconnection. I also offer a few suggested treatments (side effects may include relief, pleasure and feeling alive again).

If life has felt a bit grey lately, and you crave lightness or escape - this might be just what the doctor (didn’t) order.

This is me sharing a story and reflecting on the experience - what it taught me about navigating boundaries and grief through the lens of Perfectionism. And just so you know, there are themes of death in this podcast.

It’s been about a month since Laurie left, and I’ve been slowly processing the grief, the fallout, and the meaning in that loss. Only now do I feel ready to speak about it - and share what this period is still teaching me.

In this episode we’ll explore the nature of ‘doing the right thing’ - even when that only seems to create more pain for you and for others. This is a raw, honest and hopefully fair reflection on navigating the paradoxes in love, loss and being human.

In this episode I share reflections from periods of my life when I’ve felt raw, alone and unsupported - when I had to rebuild trust with myself as a matter of self-preservation. And what I’ve discovered is that self-trust doesn’t come from pushing through, ‘man-ing-up’, or performing confidence. It grows quietly, in moments of honesty, in choosing gentleness, and deliberately noticing how I keep showing up for myself (imperfectly) - especially when life gets challenging.

For me, trust is about how you are in relationship with yourself. And like all relationships, that requires healing. It’s a thing we ‘do’ (as well as say and feel) through our bodies. It comes from a sense of inner peace and wholeness that’s quite possible to nurture, in small acts of kindness, curiosity and compassion towards our noisy inner world.

In this episode, I talk about something very simple - but not always easy: sitting still and being with myself. No fixing, no doing, just being with myself and noticing what’s there. That simple.

It started as an experiment, but it’s been surprisingly rich. I’ve found that when I stop to really listen, there’s a kind of release or healing that starts to happen. It’s not as uncomfortable as I thought it would be either, and it’s putting me in touch with deeper, quieter truths about myself and what next.

This is a meditation on listening, gently, to the signals in your body, the ache of unmet needs, and the quiet internal whispers of what you might really be here for. If you’ve ever felt disconnected from your desires or unsure how to meet them, this episode invites curiosity over easy answers.

In this episode, I tell the story of standing on the edge of a glacial lake in Austria, feeling the pull of aliveness and the grip of fear, all at once. I notice how familiar the pattern is: the hesitation, the mental noise, the search for the “right” way in. Just like improv.

This is honest reflections on what it means to take a risk - whether it’s stepping into cold water or stepping into the unknown with a new scene partner. I explore how our nervous systems respond, how our patterns show up, and how we can meet them with more awareness, self-leadership, and maybe even joy.

Because the way you do one thing really is the way you do everything.

In this episode, I explore the subtle difference between genuinely flowing with life and quietly complying with it. If you’ve ever mistaken your ability to ‘just get on with things’ as calmness, this one’s for you. I unpack the hidden self-abandonment that can sit under so-called flexibility - and how to tell the difference.

You’ll hear reflections from my own journey, what I’ve noticed in others, and how to shift from going along with life to moving through it with agency, dignity, and real calm.

In this episode, I share the story of how I became a Perfectionist - from the early signs I didn’t have a name for, to the moment it all clicked, and the ways it’s shaped every part of my life. Career, creativity, relationships, rest… nothing has escaped its grip.

I talk about what I’ve learned along the way, how my understanding of Perfectionism has deepened, and how that might relate to your own experience - even if you’ve never used the word “Perfectionist” before.

And if you’re curious to discover your unique flavour of Perfectionism, I also share early access to a new personality test I’ve been creating.

This one’s personal — and it might help make a few things make more sense for you, too.

This episode is me choosing not to “function” my way through the re-homing process - but to feel it, and to share that with you. I reflect on what it means to end things relationally, not just practically. On how grief shows up in the body. On humility, holding, and being held. On how hard it is to let go - even when it’s the right thing.

There are funny stories too (Laurie gave me plenty). And there’s some real talk about perfectionism, the pressure to get everything “right,” and what that even means in the messy business of relationships.

It’s raw, yes - but real. If you wrestle with endings, have ever faced a tricky goodbye or struggled to stay soft when life gets sharp, I hope this one speaks to you.

In this episode, I explore what I believe is a core human drive — the longing to feel something. To feel moved, stirred, stretched, awake. I share reflections on what aliveness means, how it shows up in different phases of life (especially mid-life, where I find myself now), and how it can quietly slip out of reach when life becomes too safe, too predictable, or too dull.

I talk about the tension between safety and risk, comfort and edge — and why happiness often depends on our willingness to feel anything at all.

If you’ve ever asked yourself, Is this it? or felt the quiet ache of something missing… this one’s for you.

In this episode, I explore one of those days... When your body speaks louder than the mind, when sensations and feelings emerge without reason. I talk about what it’s like to be there, and share what I’ve learned in my work as an embodiment coach about how to listen to the body, and how it speaks about what you really need.

I share personal reflections, gentle practices, and a few hard-earned truths about what works (and what doesn’t) when it comes to soothing your nervous system and tuning into the signals beneath the noise. As well as the perils of fixing or numbing.

Because commitment isn’t just a thought or promise, it’s a signal to your nervous system, a gesture of clarity, and a kindness to everyone around you.

If you’ve ever sat on the fence, hovered at the edge, or struggled to fully back yourself, this one’s for you.

You’ll meet six improv archetypes, each with their own reasons for walking into a workshop - and the surprising things they discover once they do. Whether you’re already in the improv world or just improv-curious, perhaps you’ll spot yourself in this playful episode.

I explore why we resist rest, what comes up when that happens, and why decelerating from the speed of the everyday is both essential and uncomfortable. But here’s the secret: when we finally do it, something unexpected happens. Inner wisdom reveals itself. We see more clearly how to ‘do’ life. Inside you too is an innate intelligence to help you course-correct, with all the knowledge and insight you’ll ever need to overcome life’s persistent challenges.

If you struggle to slow down (even when you want to), this episode is for you.

This is your invite to reimagine gentleness not as weakness, but as strength, practice, and choice. We’ll look at how being hard on ourselves takes its toll and how gentleness can help us heal, reconnect, and enjoy life more fully.

If you’ve noticed that relentless pushing, striving and achieving don’t work so well any more, of if you’re ever harsh on yourself (like I am), or life asks too much of you - this one’s for you.

In a state of accidental and extreme caffeination, I step through these stages, point out where many of us get stuck, and explain how understanding your needs can change the way we experience happiness.

In this episode, I break down five key ways my improv workshops are different. They’re not about pressure or performance - they’re about presence. They’re trauma-informed, embodied, and deeply connected to life beyond the stage. Because improv isn’t just a skill; it’s a way of navigating the world. And sometimes, stepping into an improv space means stepping into something bigger: self-trust, connection, and healing.

If you’ve ever been curious about improv but assumed it wasn’t for you, this episode might just change your mind.

This is a deeply personal exploration of what play really is, why it matters for everyone (not just kids), and how our attitudes toward it shape our relationships, our creativity, and even our well-being. I also find some empathy for those who struggle to see its value—because honestly, I get it - that used to be how I felt too.

If you’ve ever felt like life has become too serious, if you struggle to bring lightness into your relationships, or if you just want permission to rediscover play for yourself, this episode is for you.

In this episode, I break down three surprising benefits of improv—joy, growth, and connection—and why they make improv more than worth your time. If you’re a busy person who wants to feel more alive, adaptable, and connected in daily life, this is your invitation to rethink how improv fits into your world.

Listen in and discover why improv isn’t just a hobby—it’s a transformative way of life.

In this episode, I explore the three levels of listening from Authentic Relating, with a special focus on Level 3: deep, intuitive listening. This is the kind of listening that goes beyond understanding words and instead seeks to uncover the deeper truths beneath them. It’s about offering honest reflections, sharing impressions, and sometimes even naming the things that feel obvious to us—but may never have occurred to the other person.

This is powerful. It can be transformative. It can deepen relationships and help people feel profoundly seen.

But it’s also risky.

Because when we reflect back what we sense about someone—their unspoken motivations, their deeper ‘why’—we’re taking a leap. It involves guesswork. It might land beautifully… or not at all. And yet, when done with care, this kind of listening is an act of love and service. It has the power to bring people closer to themselves and to each other.

Join me as I dive into the magic, the vulnerability, and the life-changing potential of deep listening.

Here’s what actually happened: my dog went rogue - trying to get kidnapped, then stealing a ball.

Then I got stung by nettles.

Oh, and my central heating system broke, the day before I leave home.

It seems the universe was listening.

Join me for a live-streamed experience of perfectionism, and witness its anger, judgement and humour unfold.

You’ll also learn more about the project, why I’ve created it and what to expect.

It’s a technique for personifying or imagining your emotions as parts within you - inner characters, influences, voices of authority that we accumulate throughout our life. Through this process we become aware of them, so they no longer secretly run the show behind the scenes. The idea is we become more mindful of who they are, what they want, and who YOU are in relationship with them.

The process I walk you through is:

1. Find somewhere quiet where you won’t be disturbed


2. Bring to mind the issue, question, challenge or topic that’s bothering you


3. Close your eyes and breathe


4. Notice what’s going on in your body


5. Give those feelings and sensations qualities, characteristics, persona


6. Name it, age it, endow it with identity (becomes clearer with practice)


7. Ask it questions, back and forth in a comparative dialogue


8. Let it know you’re in this together, say good bye and end

Questions you might ask are:

• How do you feel towards this part? What is your relationship to it? How might you befriend it?


• What does this part feel? Where is it directing its feelings?


• What does it want to say or do?


• What does it want for you? What does it need you to know?


• How can you let it know you’re here, with it?


• How can you make sure it’s seen, heard, and welcome?


• What job could it do?

If this is your first time, take it slow, wait and be gentle with yourself. Chances are these parts haven’t been spoken to in a LONG time. It’s a process of to-ing and fro-ing between thinking and feeling and noticing what happens in your body as you go through the steps. Parts become clearer over time - you begin to recognise which parts get triggered by which kinds of situation.

It’s a simplified version of internal family systems, a novel and effective branch of modern psychology. Here’s a detailed primer:

https://lucasforstmeyer.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/10/Introduction-to-the-Steps-Questions-of-IFS-Therapy-by-Lucas-Forstmeyer.pdf

Or another, as a video: https://youtu.be/Ym8o762U7uc

If you’re on Instagram, there’s a lady here doing lots of interesting work with IFS: https://instagram.com/the_ordinary_sacred?igshid=ZWQyN2ExYTkwZQ==

A handy list of questions to ask yourself when organising your time: https://wp.me/p1L8DU-4Bp

For more about what inspired this episode, read Jen Carrington's excellent article about intentional seasons.

And yes, I meant 'herbicidal' when I said 'insecticidal'. Oops.

I  recognise it, and all at once, Phil Collins becomes the harbinger of  death. This jovial, pinball-headed drummer assumes the form of the human  condition — mortality itself, squaring up to me, eyeball-to-eyeball,  toe-to-toe, sizing me up for the fight of my life.

https://medium.com/@chris_kenworthy/lets-all-play-the-phil-collins-game-51e879872854