INTRODUCTION

In our last post we began looking at some practice lessons for working with harmful sexual behaviour (or HSB) in children and teenagers - this came off the back of a book chapter I co-authored with my fellow HSB specialist, Sharron Wareham.

The points we drew out in the first post were:

- Keep in mind that age is not the same as maturity

- Harmful sexual behaviour is often developmentally out of sequence

- The victim/perpetrator split is a false one, and…

- Behaviour has a function, even when it is harmful.

Here are the remaining 5 practice lessons. As always, please bear in mind that these are the things that came to mind when I was drafting these posts; they are by no means exhaustive - but I hope they’ll be helpful.

HSB Practice lessons (cont’d.)

5. Punishment rarely leads to safety or change

A strong theme in our chapter is the damage caused by punitive responses.

When it comes to punishment, the obvious candidate is the criminal justice system (CJS); that, at least in part, is its function - to meet out justice implies the victim is recognised as such and the offender punished. But other responses to HSB in children can be equally if not more punitive than prosecution.

I’ve lost count how many kids suffer what can only be described as ‘punishment’, but not from the CJS; for example:

- Being labelled inside and outside the family as some kind of weirdo, paedo or countless other pergoratives.

- Being made to leave their home in order to protect others, albeit that one or some of those same ‘others’ may have been abusing the child for years.

- Being kicked out of school and thus bereft of the routine, stability, friendships and positive adults it offers - again usually due to some malformed concept of ‘being risky’ to other kids.

…and on it goes. While we-the observing adults-may not see these things as punishments per se, that’s absolutely how children see them. Or certainly, it’s how they feel them. Some of the trickiest hurdles I’ve had to deal with in the treatment of HSB in children, are the complex grief, resentment, bemusement and/or utter rejection felt when these things happen.

Perhaps the greatest argument for the suspension (if not outright rejection) of the punishment paradigm, is the distraction it becomes to the treatment process itself. I’ve found myself spending weeks and weeks helping a child navigate the confusing vagaries and painful disruptions of things other than the behaviour itself. While these things happen because of the HSB, they also distract terribly from it - so the child’s focus moves from what really matters, the roots and meaning of the HSB, to the reactions of others to it. **

It’s worth noting, also:

- Most children with HSB do not go on to do so again once it’s been discovered and treated*

- Outcomes improve significantly when children receive timely, appropriate help and see treatment interventions through (rather than dropping out - this is a risk factor)

- Criminalisation often increases shame, isolation and distorted beliefs and adds nothing to the treatment process.

- But treatment doesn’t require criminal prosecution in order to happen (depending on the availability of local services to intervene effectively).

The worst case scenario is punishment without treatment or with off-the-shelf manualised programmes that don’t/can’t adapt to the individual needs of the child - again, as a developing human, every child HSB intervention is by definition unique as it has to address this child’s journey, no-one else’s (see lessons 1 & 2 in the previous post).

💡 Practice lesson summary: HSB in children should sit within safeguarding and welfare systems wherever possible, not criminal justice responses - which, overall, tend to do more harm than good. The development of countrywide effective, local, pre-court HSB services for children of all ages should be a policy and provision goal of national government, with resources to match. Breathy and meaningful oratory about addressing sexual violence needs to backed by robust legal processes and the cash to treat the abuse, not least in children - that would ensure we make quick and lasting strides towards a society free of sexual abuse.

6. Assumed ability is a serious blind spot

Professionals frequently overestimate what children understand about sex, consent and harm.

When I was helping to manage a secure children’s home, it never ceased to amaze me that an 16 year old child might not know how to tie their shoe laces. Or know how much shampoo to use on their hair. Or be able to use cutlery properly…

So I’m never surprised when children know a lot less about sex, sexuality and sexual behaviour than their age might suggest.

This is particularly the case, in my experience anyway, when it comes to teenagers. Younger children attract a more consistent ‘benefit of the doubt’ approach from most adults. But it’s different with teens. There’s a tendency to assume that because they’re out there in the world and have access to the internet that somehow they can assimilate all that into a coherent sense of how this stuff works.

They can’t. Not necessarily, anyway.

Most abused and developmentally troubled kids will get by and make do and not harm anyone else along the way; but many won’t. And when that journey includes sexual abuse of some kind, we shouldn’t be surprised when a child’s presentation and behaviour goes awry in the sexual domain. After all, how do you safely, consistently and realistically get good information about the nuances, vagaries and subtleties of safe sexual exploration, reciprocity and informed consent when your only counsel is t’internet?

I dread to think!

Some things to remember:

- Sexual abuse can fundamentally distort a child’s internal rulebook. What most kids imbibe and infer from years and years living and observing loving, prosocial adults in the family home, these kids miss out on. So they end up with a deficient (on a good day) or distorted (on a bad day) script about how to conduct themselves sexually.

- If the wider context of family relationships is dysfunctional, then the far more complex and granular intricacies of emerging sexuality will remain opaque, too. So even kids who haven’t been sexually abused, but may have endured poor attachments in early development, will struggle to grapple successfully with their burgeoning adolescent selves - including their sexual selves

- Learning disabilities, ADHD, autism (and other ND conditions) and trauma all affect judgement and impulse control. Taking account of the broader functional and developmental picture must be a primary focus of any treatment program.

💡 Practice lesson summary: Understanding must never be assumed. It must be assessed, supported and reviewed. I try to make it a rule of thumb not only to ask the right questions, but to dig deeper to ensure that I and the child understand their answers. Children, particularly troubled children, quickly learn how to parrot things adults around them say. Some of them can do this brilliantly as they’re able to fit the words to the context. BUT, we have to ensure they understand the words themselves, lest we fall foul of assumed knowledge that isn’t really there.

7. Gender shapes how children are responded to by systems - and by individuals

Responses to HSB are not gender-neutral.

I’ve worked in two places in my life that illustrate this point well:

- the criminal justice system and

- the mental health system.

Where I live, in Wales, there are no prison beds for women and girls; there are hundreds for men and boys, though. In the low secure mental health unit downstairs from my office, it’s rare to see boys; but girls proliferate.

I realise this is an over-simplification, but the point stands, I think: we tend to categorise boys’ aberrant behaviour as criminal and girls’ as health related; ergo, one is punished (or at least dealt with in a more punitive system) and one is treated.

Think about that. Boys are much more likely to end up in prison for sexual behaviour, whereas girls are more often dealt with in hospital or community-based services. In truth, for most children displaying HSB, neither of these places is ideal for helping them process what’s happened to them and move forward to better days.

In short:

Boys may be more likely to be viewed as dangerous and therefore get punished or, at the very least, get made subject to a more punitive system.

Girls’ HSB may be minimised, mislabelled and perhaps seen as something ‘in them’ that needs fixing (though there are significant outliers where girls’ HSB gets an even more punitive response than boys’. There’s a detailed case example of exactly this point in our book chapter)

Gender stereotypes, particularly in the sexual domain, can obscure both vulnerability and risk in boys and girls equally.

This connects to the point made in section 3 above - the victim/perpetrator split. Boys are more often tagged as a offenders (forgive the phrase but it reflects the system vernacular and helps for brevity!) and girls as victims. Whilst the offender stats around prevalence and gender attributes support this broad bifurcation, both these terms are a little odious to me as they bring to mind toxic generalities of predation and paralysis respectively - neither of which does anything like justice to the complex nature of the HSB problem.

💡 Practice lesson summary: Professionals must actively reflect on how gendered assumptions shape assessment and intervention, resisting the enmeshed in-built biases of male/female and victim/offender which are so ingrained in our systems.

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8. Culture matters, but it must never excuse harm

Children develop within family and community cultures that influence beliefs about sex, power, gender roles and relationships. For the purposes of this post, I’m thinking about wider cultural parameters like nationality, ethnicity, language, sex and religion as well as the practical, lived-experience of these in an individual family home.

In our practice, there are some basic principles it’s useful to have in mind - they are i basic but no less important for it:

Cultural humility is essential - it’s easy to slip into assuming we know everything we need to know about someone else’s culture; we certainly don’t. In fact, even if we share the same culture, we grew up in a different home at a different time with different people - these factors alone make cultural humility a necessary prerequisite for our work.

Cultural stereotyping is dangerous. Following on from the previous point, if we flagrantly assume we understand the broad range and granular nuances of how another culture may have impacted a child, not only are we open to major mistakes and misunderstandings, we’ll almost certainly never be able to help to optimal effect.

Harmful experiences must never be minimised in the name of culture. The question is not one of excuses but of explanations. Examining the influence of wide and narrow cultural drivers on the emergence of HSB in a child is necessary in order to understand it better and treat it more effectively. It is never OK to minimise, play down or some how excuse it.

In our poly-cultural societies, those of us haling from hegemonic groups have grown used to tailoring our language and assumptions so as not to offend. Such social complexities and allowances are helpful and respectful as well as, in my view, ensuring we enjoy and benefit from the delightful and multifaceted cultural traditions around us - the total is far greater than the sum of the individual parts.

But, we must never allow politeness, sensitivity or the eagerness not to offend others to lull us into ducking the very real issues in play. While it can be tricky to navigate the space between honesty and openness about what’s going on and differing cultural experiences and viewpoints, navigate it we must. Better to confront the issue/s and find oneself on the receiving end of an angry service user or worse still a complaint, than to balk at the challenge, be distracted or diluted in our practice and find that we missed something. Or worse, find that a child was not kept safe, that HSB wasn’t assessed and treated properly and/or an adult abuser went unchallenged.

When religion and gender expectations converge, things can be very hard. But I think returning to our practice principles can help us here. Asking about things with a genuinely open desire to learn and understand, can really promote trust in situations where people in the cultural minority will not expect humility or respect. Demonstrating both in spadefuls can be a bulwark against knee-jerk reactions from all concerned and help relationships coalesce into something that can promote healing.

💡 Practice lesson summary: Something can be culturally familiar and still harmful. Not assuming we know enough and instead taking time to ask about things in a firm but gentle way, will help us to understand more and to practice better. In the end, though, safeguarding responsibilities always come first. First and foremost this is not a deaf child, a christian child, a same-sex parented child, or a Sikh child (for example); above all they are a child and they may well be in need of our protection, regardless of cultural heritage, preference or choice.

9. Early warning signs are often missed

Many children show indicators of distress long before behaviour escalates.

Sexualised behaviour in younger children is often silenced or redirected: Parental discomfort to notice and address sexual play that is out of sync developmentally or resistant to correction can prolong the behaviour, intrenching it and increasing treatment resistance later on.

Systems frequently wait until harm to others occurs before intervening. Again, I’ve lost count how many kids have had to precipitate numerous incidents before someone decides to ask the ‘why’ question. Schools, social workers and others often do not call a strategy meeting or even consider whether they should look more closely - which they should.

Opportunities for early recovery are lost. Most so-called HSB will never develop into that if we’re prepared to talk more openly, intervene more readily and do so earlier. The earlier the better, too, as children’s problematic conduct is most effectively resolved if it’s brought out into the open and addressed honestly, with kindness at the first opportunity - we do not need a pattern of HSB before we can justify getting involved; if fact, the opposite is true.

Many local authority areas have good systems in place - partnerships with specialist services that can advise-formally or informally-those with a statutory duty of child protection. But many do not, so practitioners, teachers, social workers, foster carers and others are left to flounder for information and guidance about what to do and how to do it. Early intervention is key.

💡 Practice lesson summary: Early, curious and developmentally informed responses reduce harm and prevent escalation. HSB responses and system expectations should form part of all worker inductions, particularly in social work, foster care and residential care, but also for health visitors, youth workers, YOT teams, support staff, as well as those running sports clubs, Sunday schools, play and youth groups and many more. Know the signs and do something straight away - there’s no better intervention than an early intervention.

For information on this see the excellent resources produced by the CSA Centre for Expertise.

What good HSB practice with children looks like

Across the book chapter, and more so in these two posts, I’ve tried to summarise what effective HSB practice consistently involves if it’s to avoid a legion of pitfalls and optimise our service to the child and, through them, to their family and the wider community. Here’s a bullet-point distillation:

- Avoid punishment and advocate for it’s avoidance wherever possible

- Never assume a child has the knowledge or ability their age might suggest

- Sex and sexuality are inseparable from gender - always consider it

- In formulation and assessment generally, ask how culture might have contributed

- Intervene as early as possible and train others to do so

Useful treatment foci

In their qualitative systematic review of HSB teenagers (all boys unfortunately!) Campbell et al (2020) identified 5 key themes as critical components of successful intervention for these kids.

Here they are in brief - there’s a link to the full paper below**):

- The key role played by the relationships between the young person and the practitioner

- The significance of the role played by the parents and carers

- The importance of taking account of the wider context in which the HSB took place

- The role of disclosure during the intervention process

- Children need to be equipped with skills as well as knowledge

Time and space won’t allow me to unpack these in more depth here (may be there’s another post in this for later?), but you’ll be able to see that there’s some crossover with the content outlined above and in last week’s post.

As I look back over this now before hitting ‘publish’ I’m struck by how much more could be said on each point, as well as a number of others that could be made. But I’ll stop there…for now.

FINAL THOUGHTS

Children and young people who display harmful sexual behaviour are, obviously, children and young people first. Their episode/s of HSB should not be allowed-either by us or by the system-to define them - they are so much more than that!

But when HSB takes place someone nearly always suffers detriment or harm. As practitioners, therefore, we have a duty to maintain the complex and sensitive balancing act that involves promoting safety for all while providing treatment that will avert future recurrence. This is often referred to (including by me sometimes) as ‘risk management’ and ‘treatment provision.’ This is not a binary choice that demands we choose which child to manage and which to treat; along with the victim/perpetrator split mentioned previously, this is spectacularly unhelpful - but it still happens.

All HSB kids have suffered, usually some form of sexual abuse, but not always. Implicitly they are all victims in some form or another. If they have gone on to display HSB later on, then they have all in some way or another put others in harm’s way. So, let’s do away with stigmatising tag lines and unhelpful tropes in favour of seeing the child in the big picture of their lives so we can help them make changes and learn lessons that improve their life chances moving forward.

For me, it helps to keep these things in mind, so I don’t become part of the problem, adding to the iatrogenic systems around us all.

As always, when in doubt and not sure what to do, I revert to my tried and tested maxim: lean in, empathise and be kind!

See you in the next one.

Listen on SPOTIFY here

Listen on APPLE Podcasts here

Listen on YouTube here

More information:

See Jonny’s temporary website - here

- BOOK: For a great book covering the range of issues around HSB in much more depth, see the excellent: Allardyce, S. & Yates, P. (2018) Working with Children and Young People Who Have Displayed Harmful Sexual Behaviour (Protecting Children and Young People). Dunedin Academic Press. (Link)

- BOOK: Cultural Responsivity Book 1: Treatment of Sexual Violence (Ours is chapter 4 - link)

- WEBSITE: Child Sexual Abuse Centre for expertise - brillaint website with tons of useful resources and information (link)

- BOOK: Children as ‘Risk’ - Sexual Exploitation and Abuse by Children and Young People by Anne-Marie McAlinden (link)

- PREVIOUS POST: For more on moral development see Theory Bites 6a - Lawrence Kohlberg’s theory of moral development (link)

- *PAPER: A meta-analysis of trends in general, sexual, and violent recidivism among youth with histories of sex offending by Lussier et al (2024 - link)

- **PAPER: Young people who display harmful sexual behaviors and their families. A qualitative systematic review of their experiences of professional interventions - Campbell et al (2020 - link)

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©️ Jonny Matthew 2026

INTRODUCTION

I’ve published a few things in my career so far; not a lot, but a few (see more here). But I never get tired of the buzz I feel when something new comes out!

This month, a chapter I co-wrote with Sharron Wareham was published in Cultural Responsivity (Book 1): Treatment of Sexual Violence.

I know - not one to leave around on the coffee table, right! :0)

Our chapter lays out 3 detailed case studies of children who’ve run foul of the law because of their harmful sexual behaviour (HSB). Sharron and I use these examples to highlight systemic failings and encourage responsive and sensitive practice that takes full account of childhood as a developmental work in progress.

Anyway, as I’ve been on on a roll writing about HSB, I thought I’d lay out some basic practice ideas that can help keep us from making these mistakes in our own work.

Check out the book on Amazon here...

Bucking the system

Despite huge progress over the last 25 years or so, work with children and young people who have displayed harmful sexual behaviour (HSB) still sometimes gets pulled towards risk management, control and, perhaps most of all, adult assumptions about intent and psychopathology.

Iatrongenic harm is still rife. All too often, reactions are still knee-jerk in nature. Tabloids still rush to stick children with adult labels. It’s still easier for the common mind to assume inherent pathology than it is to pause, look for longer and see the story behind the behaviour.

Most specialist practitioners navigate this work in an appropriately child-centred way. But the vagaries of wider systems like safeguarding and youth justice don’t always do so well. As we’ve said, knee-jerk reactions, defensive practice and, occasionally, assumptions about adult risk patterns, can wind things back to the bad old days.

The trouble is, when fear dominates, development gets lost - children are, by definition, developing, so we must do everything we can to keep HSB (as with every other kind of ‘offending’ behaviour in kids) firmly in the child first zone.

Simply put, our chapter argues for something simpler and more demanding than easy tropes and regressive risk ideas: we need to understand sexual behaviour in children through a developmental and trauma-sensitive lens, not a criminal one.

What follows are some practice lessons for anyone working with children and young people where HSB is a concern - especially those who share our passion for bucking a system that doesn’t always serve these kids-or the public good-very well.

HSB Practice lessons

I’m going to lay out the first four here and then complete the list with five more next week.

1. Keep in mind that age is not the same as maturity

Chronological age tells us very little about a child’s actual capacity.

The baseline maturational processes of brain development, particularly the complex stuff around executive functioning, doesn’t complete until much later than was previously thought. ‘Brain childhood’ continues well into the mid-20s with some studies now saying as late as 28 years old.

Trauma, neglect, abuse, neurodiversity and disrupted education can significantly delay this development such that children may possess much less capacity to understand their impulses and control their behaviour than their number of trips around the sun might suggest. Age does not equal maturity!

Physical appearance often masks emotional, cognitive and moral immaturity. Many 15 year olds look like they’re 20; but many of them may be delayed in their development and functioning like primary school kids. Add to this the biologically turbulent and mesmerising forces of pubescence and things get tricky pretty quickly.

For me, the best thing to do here is to pause, step back, take time to properly scan the long view for this child, manage the risks and then begin the work of encouraging some developmental course corrections to get things back on track.

💡 Practice lesson summary: Never assume understanding, intent or responsibility based on age alone. Functional maturity must always be assessed. Current functioning is best seen in light of the child’s journey so far - which is why, in my view, life-course case formulation must be central to all assessment processes.

2. Harmful sexual behaviour is often developmentally ‘out of sequence’

When children show sexual behaviour that is clearly outside what would be expected for their age, something has usually gone wrong earlier in development. This is one of the many things I’ve long learnt to assume is happening - i.e. I screen it in until I have good reason to screen it out.

Many children with HSB have learned about sex too early or in unsafe ways. For example:

Being eroticised early due to long, frequent and severe exposure to pornographic material long before they have anything near the maturational wherewithal to filter and understand it.

Having grown up being abused sexually (and/or in any other way) such that the child’s concepts of care, relationships, adult behaviour and their own role in the family are terribly skewed.

Sexual behaviour may reflect copying, confusion or survival strategies rather than sexual intent. In my experience, there is almost always some element of abuse-reactivity going on - why wouldn’t there be?

When it comes to sexual behaviour that is out of sequence, pre-pubescent sexual behaviour is particularly significant and should never be dismissed. It’s very presence alone-nevermind the details of type, severity, frequency, etc.-should be enough to sound the alarm.

💡 Practice lesson summary: If behaviour doesn’t fit the child’s developmental stage, the key question is not, ‘what did you do?’ but ‘what happened to you?’ Ask yourself questions like: why does this HSB make sense for this child, what role does it play for them, where did they learn it in the first instance and how do they feel before, during and afterwards?

3. The victim–perpetrator split is a false one

Systems often divide children into two camps:

the harmed child, seen as vulnerable and deserving of care

the harming child, seen as risky and responsible

It’s this latter group that most often fall foul of adultifications and over-reactions.

I’m with Anne-Marie McAlinden here, that this split is a false binary that is deeply misleading at a conceptual level and completely unhelpful at a practice level. Even if we were in possession of all the necessary information to determine whether the weight of a child’s behaviour places them more in one camp than the other, what would it achieve?

What matters here is how this child got to this place, what meaning this has for them and those affected, and what we can usefully do to mitigate all this and move forward.

Children who cause sexual harm often have their own histories of abuse, neglect or exploitation

Protecting one child while ignoring the needs of another increases long-term harm, labels the ‘offending’ child (obviously!) and may actually increase future problems - not least if the child’s sense of who they are begins to form around what they’ve done.

A child can pose risk to others and be at risk from others. They can do things that are harmful and simultaneously be frightened, unsafe and traumatised - to split the two is to split the child. We should be working for coherence and a positively unified sense of self, not a clearer label to satisfy some vacuous and utterly useless systemic taxonomy!

💡 Practice lesson summary: Safeguarding and treatment must include all of the children involved, including those whose behaviour is causing harm. Keeping in mind that the reason they are now causing harm is almost certainly fuelled by the harm they themselves have endured at the hands of others, is key here. Let’s reject the victim-perpetrator split as an unhelpful falsehood.

4. Behaviour has a function, even when it is harmful

Sexually harmful behaviour in children is rarely about sexual pleasure. Pre-pubescent kids may well experience physical pleasure in bodily contact, but this is manifestly not the same thing as adult sexual sensation - because it lacks the maturity of thought and meaning, it lacks context and reciprocity.

Our problem, as adults, is that we can struggle to assimilate our own associations of sex and pleasure from abusive behaviour that is sexual. So we ask understandable but nevertheless nonsensical questions like: ‘how can they possibly get any pleasure from doing that to someone?’

Wrong question.

A better one, in my view, is to ask where the behaviour might have originated and what function might it have for the child now (if any).

Sexual behaviour in children, particularly in those with sexualised histories of one form or another, often serves other purposes, such as:

regulating fear, anxiety, distress or other difficult feelings

gaining a sense of mastery (over the self or their feelings or over others)

seeking connection, reassurance or attention

reenacting learned and skewed relationship patterns, messed-up displays of affection or downright abusive behaviours

Whether we’re assessing or treating, having a sense of how the child ‘sees’ the behaviour, what their expectations of it are and how they learned it (origins!) it critical.

Personally, I would always want to ask: what did you think would happen (if you did this), how did you think the other person would feel when you did this and where do you think you learned this behaviour from? Or some such.

Obviously when and how we ask these questions is based on our understanding of and relationships with the child concerned - timing is everything.

💡 Practice lesson summary: Assessment must explore what the behaviour does for the child and where it came from, not just what it does to others and how to stop it. Having a focus on behavioural function helps with this.

What good HSB practice with children looks like

Across the book chapter, and more so in this post, I’ve tried to summarise what effective HSB practice consistently involves. Here’s a bullet-point distillation:

- being mindful of how systems confuse children and responses to HSB

- take care to avoid unhelpful terminology

- remember age doesn’t equal maturity

- maintain a child-first, trauma-sensitive stance

- push for developmentally sensitive formulation-based assessment

- manage risk, don’t judge the child

Final thoughts

Children and young people who display harmful sexual behaviour are not telling us they are dangerous. They are telling us that their development has been disrupted, needs have gone unmet and they need our help to sort through it all and begin moving on.

If we respond with fear, punishment and labels, we risk reinforcing the very conditions that shaped the behaviour in the first place. For us, we must strive to ‘see’ the child themselves and, preferably, take the long view of how they came to where they are now - who influenced that journey, who disrupted it (and how) and where has that left them in terms of relationships, knowledge and readiness to navigate a complex sexual world.

If we respond with curiosity, compassion and developmental understanding, we can create the conditions for safety, recovery and change - all the time using our relational skills to engage the child with warmth, acceptance, good humour and empathy.

That is not being soft on harm. It is being serious about healing now and prevention later. Five more practice lessons coming in the next post.

See you in the next one.

Listen on SPOTIFY here

Listen on APPLE Podcasts here

Listen on YouTube here

More information:

See Jonny’s temporary website - here

BOOK: For a great book covering the range of issues around HSB in much more depth, see the excellent: Allardyce, S. & Yates, P. (2018) Working with Children and Young People Who Have Displayed Harmful Sexual Behaviour (Protecting Children and Young People). Dunedin Academic Press. (Link)

WEBSITE: The CSA Centre for expertise has a brilliant website - it’s a mine of information on all aspects of sexual abuse (link); there’s also good information of HSB there, too; check it out here (link)

BOOK: Cultural Responsivity Book 1: Treatment of Sexual Violence (Ours is chapter 4 - link)

BOOK: Children as ‘Risk’ - Sexual Exploitation and Abuse by Children and Young People by Anne-Marie McAlinden (link - this is a corker!)

PREVIOUS POST: For more on moral development see Theory Bites 6a - Lawrence Kohlberg’s theory of moral development (link)

JOIN NOTA: Thus is the U.K.’s only professional affiliate organisation supporting those working with sexual abuse - it’s brilliant. Check it out here and I hope to see you at the next event (link)

Subscribe & Follow?

You can join the email list for this blog publication here. Your information is safe and you can unsubscribe anytime very easily.

You can also “Like” this site on Facebook or connect with me on LinkedIn or Twitter. The voiceovers are also on YouTube, Spotify and Apple Podcasts.

©️ Jonny Matthew 2026

INTRODUCTION

In our last post, we began looking at Kohlberg’s theory of moral development. we saw where it (and he) fits into the theorising of his time and the basic structure of his theory.

For professionals working with children, especially those recovering from developmental trauma and/or who offend, understanding Kohlberg’s theory can help us think about and guide more effective interventions and foster a healthier morality in kids. It can allow us to drill down beyond the surface behaviour or obvious presentations of a child and look more broadly about how their experiences may have impaired their moral development.

Doing this means we can avoid falling into quick judgments or unhelpful heuristics; it can help structure our thinking and gain a degree of objectivity that’s essential for ensuring we serve this as well as we can - if our assessments and intervention planning are better, the child will do better and we’ll optimise the change they can make.

The stages and levels again - briefly

Kohlberg organised his theory into 6 stages in 3 levels (for more detail on these see the previous post):

1. Pre-Conventional Level (Typically in early childhood)

Stage 1: Obedience and Punishment Orientation

Rules are ‘fixed’ and decisions are made to avoid punishment.

Stage 2: Self-Interest Orientation

Actions are driven by self-interest and immediate benefits; others might benefit but it’s still mainly about ‘me’; but if they benefit, fine.

2. Conventional Level (Typically in adolescence)

Stage 3: Interpersonal Accord and Conformity

Focus on being a “good person”, meeting expectations, prioritising relationships and social approval.

Stage 4: Authority and Social-Order Maintaining Orientation

Emphasis on law and order, duty, upholding societal rules and maintaining a functioning society.

3. Post-Conventional Level (Achieved by some adults, if at all)

Stage 5: Social Contract Orientation

Awareness that rules and laws exist to serve society but can be changed if unjust; decisions are based on fairness and human rights.

Stage 6: Universal Ethical Principles

Guided by abstract moral principles like justice, equality and dignity which supersede laws.

Applying Kohlberg’s Theory in Practice

For children recovering from developmental trauma, their moral development may be delayed, impaired or disrupted. Trauma can create trust issues, boundary problems and emotional dysregulation - as well as a raft of associated behavioural and presentational issues.

In my working world of youth justice and forensic mental health, a child’s ‘offending’ is simply the official recognition that something they did broke the law, or may have done. For us, though, being able to zoom out and look at the broader developmental context for the child’s current functioning is critical if we are to avoid adding to their problems through criminalisation and punishment, when kindness, understanding and treatment are what’s needed.

Kohlberg, like lots of theoreticians, can help us think more clearly and non-judgmentally, giving kids the best chance of emerging from the justice system-or any system-unscathed.

Here are a few thoughts about practical ways Kohlberg’s theory might help guide child care professionals:

1. Build Trust and Safety First

Create and encourage consistent, predictable environments where children feel secure - safety is a bulwark against reactivity, which is so often the driver of problem behaviours.

Be transparent about expectations and consequences. There’s so much talk about ‘restorative’ approaches, but there has be something to restore kids to! Often there isn’t, so let’s start by working on that. In Kohlbergian terms, if a child is to begin identifying with a group such that they have incentives to conform and do their bit for social order (stages 3 & 4), then the group has to be worth investing in; safety encourages this.

2. Address Emotional Regulation

Trauma can massively undermine safety and impair emotional control, so supporting children to recognise and manage emotions effectively is key. Children will not be able think about never mind employ more complex socially interactive skills like theory of mind and empathy, if they’re still trapped at the beck and call of their own feeling states.

Gently and empathically leaning into what they’re feeling, applying word labels to feelings and appropriately sharing our own feelings in relation to events and situations can all help kids begin getting a sense of what emotions mean, what causes them and how to self-soothe. Strategies like this that provide a kind of emotional coaching can begin to allow children to settle in themselves; once they do, they’re much more likely to begin acting with a little more deliberation, rather than reacting - essential if truly moral behaviour is to develop.

In my view, it’s the lack of overt recognition of this in Kohlberg’s theory that lets it down a bit for me - it seems to assume children have facilities like theory of mind and meta-cognition, when many are still pin-balling between emotional states they have little insight into. Addressing this early on is important.

3. Assess Moral Development Stage

Use Kohlberg’s stages as a framework to understand where a child currently sits. There are no rigid taxonomies here, but a look over the stages will give us a sense of where a child may be on their journey of moral development.

Adjust interventions based on whether the child operates at a pre-conventional or conventional level. i.e. are they in a childhood mode of moral functioning: simplistic, ego-centric, maybe with a sense of others’ welfare emerging, but it’s still mainly hedonistic and self-seeking? If so, they probably in the pre-conventional level somewhere, look at the stage descriptions (1 & 2) to drill down more specifically. Or are they showing some maturity in their ethical thinking: looking for social approval in some things and interested in being thought of as a ‘good person?’ In which case they’re likely more in the conventional level somewhere (stage 3 or 4).

4. Tailor Interventions

For example, for children at Stage 1 (Obedience and Punishment), focus on building trust, creating structure, building safety and security - make this the priority. Keep your appointments (where, when and how you meet) as consistent as possible.

For those at Stage 2 (Self-Interest Orientation), we can focus on and comment about the feelings and experiences of others; asking questions about how they think someone else might feel or think, can encourage kids to actively ‘go there’ and begin building empathy and mentalising others. If this is tricky, start by helping them articulate their own feelings, thoughts & subjective experiences before introducing comments about the same in other people.

Once we have a sense of where the child might be in their progression and development, we can think more clearly and specifically about how we can augment and encourage this along.

5. Create Ethical Dilemma Discussions

Use age-appropriate moral dilemmas to encourage children to think critically about right and wrong. Chatty and informal conversations that look back on choices made, situations encountered and explore ideas are easy but useful. Helping kids run different fun scenarios (e.g. the old one about if there was a beggar, a bank manager and a bride swimming towards a two-person lifeboat, which two would you rescue and why?), is another easy way of' ‘intervening’ positively to propagate moral growth without it feeling like an intervention at all.

Discussing real situations that might arise for the child in future, giving opportunity to think in advance about their options and the pros and cons of each, is not only useful in terms of mental preparation, it also focuses them on the moral meaning of their decisions and the possible impact not only for themselves but for others, too.

6. Foster Perspective-Taking

Use word and picture work to help children understand the emotions and experiences of their own and in others. I used to do this a lot using a pile of cuttings from newspapers and magazines of people with different facial expressions. To start with we can work with the child to match up feeling faces and feeling words - this is useful if kids have had poor attachment experiences and lack the linguistic labels for feelings and body states that most kids begin learning from attachment figures in the pre-verbal stage.

As they progress, use some pics that just show the face and others that place the person in context, then chat about how the person is feeling and why they may be feeling that way? How might we be able to help them feel differently (calmer, happier, less upset, etc.) can help link emotion and action, fostering empathy.

Use storytelling, group discussions and role-playing exercises, when kids are ready for it, to build empathy by learning from others. And on it goes - let your creativity loose and have fun!

7. Set Clear, Compassionate Boundaries

Boundaries must be firm but communicated with care. Here we’re looking to strike the balance between a more Durkheimian educative, pedagogical approach to moral learning and the more autonomous group moral osmosis of Piaget (in general terms I guess this is a tension between sociology and psychology? But I digress…). Kids need to know where the edges are-this far and no further-and these will need to flex and evolve as they grow, of course. But children who may have lacked clarity on what’s OK and what’s not will need us to be clear so they know the extent of the arena they have to work and learn within.

Eventually, of course, they’ll need the freedom to explore ideas, disagree with ‘authority’ and rehearse trying out their own possibilities - don’t all teenagers do this; shouldn’t all teenagers do this?! The key is to tailor the parameters within which they function-the boundaries, the edges-such that they can do the early learning they may have missed and in doing so start to feel safe and settled, Then they can do the moral and ethical exploration all kids need in order to arrive at and cement their own preferential morality into place.

Using punitive approaches when the boundaries get crossed can hold kids back in terms of moral growth - stalling them in stage 1 (avoidance of punishment) rather than encouraging a growing sense of belonging and, eventually, group identification and a sense of the greater good.

8. Reinforce Positive Behaviour

Praise and celebrate ethical decision-making and small moral victories. Even if there’s loads of room for further progress (which there always is), the very fact that a child has thought about something and/or made a good decision is reason enough for celebration. Be cautious not to make the praise too lavish and take care to target the effort rather than the talent, as this avoids the praise itself feeling overwhelming or running contrary to the child’s more negative sense of self, in which case they may reject it. It’s the action (decision, choice, conduct) we want to highlight for encouragement (Carol Dweck is very good on this - see link below).

Encourage persistence even in small moral dilemmas. Change always comes incrementally, so helping the child to understand this by taking a ‘one-step-at-a-time’ approach, is wise. Big change comes off the back of accumulated small ones; so making our expectations, language used and practice applied around this will help guide kids through big leaps in a series of baby steps.

9. Address Trauma Impact on Moral Development

Recognise that trauma can stunt the progression of moral reasoning. Abused children get trapped in the fear and harm caused by what they’ve been through. Spending their formative years in way too much fight and flight sets up the body and emotions to be stuck in a quasi survival mode. The Kohlbergian ideas of group identity, social and legal conformity, personal duty and working for the common good get subverted by the need to feel safe and get through the day. Without opportunity to settle into safety, learn from the patient compassion of others and adopt a more positive sense of self, kids remain stuck such that progress to stages 3 and 4, never mind the higher moral ideals of stages 5 and 6, remain Herculean.

Identify and address traumagenic functioning as a priority. If sleep is disturbed, relationships are fraught, routine is elusive and/or emotions are labile, anything approaching a normative cognitive development remains impaired; ergo moral reasoning is stalled, too. Noting these kinds of symptoms, looking for patterns, getting advice where necessary from clinical colleagues will all help us keep the historical context of the child’s presentation in view. Taking the child out of the trauma is pretty straight forward; taking the trauma out of the child takes time - but this is time they need if their wider cognitive and emotional progress is to be re-started which, in turn, will allow progress in their moral development, too.

As always with these thoughts about application, it’s crucial to tailor everything to the individual child and to remain flexible so that our approaches and the interventions we employ can pivot as their needs become clearer and evolve over time.

Supporting Child Care Professionals: Self-Care is Crucial

Working with traumatised children is emotionally taxing; sometimes it can feel downright overwhelming. To have any chance of hanging in there for the long haul, we must prioritise our own well-being to remain effective; consider:

Regularly assessing your personal stress levels - the ProQoL can help with this.

Maintain healthy boundaries - while we all use appropriate self-disclosure and self-deprecation in our work to some degree, maintaining a sense of balance in this is important. This will ensure we can keep a healthy separation between our personal selves and our working selves.

Reflect on your “why” to stay motivated during challenging times. When progress is slow-which it very often is with troubled kids-it’s easy for our mojo to get slowly depleted. If you notice this, it can help to revisit why it you do what you do and reinforce your sense of ‘mission.’

We all have our own ways of keeping well in the work. But when work strays into areas of morality-whether it be criminality, violence and/or mental distress and it’s correlate behaviours-the toll on us can be greater than usual and stretch our ways of coping, too.

Remaining vigilant to the impact of our work and the potential for vicarious trauma, makes a commitment to getting and staying well all the more important.

FINAL THOUGHTS

So there it is - Kohlberg’s theory of moral development and some ideas about how we can allow it to inform our practice.

In my view, he offers a useful framework for understanding moral development in children. For child care professionals, it provides a roadmap that can really help to structure or thinking and thereby usefully inform assessments and interventions, helping us to include children’s ethical growth among the many other factors we take into account along the way.

However, we must always remind ourselves that each child is unique and interventions must be flexible, compassionate and trauma-informed as we seek to tailor everything for this child and their individual needs. The goal is not just to help children make better decisions but to empower them with the reasoning skills and emotional resilience needed to navigate life’s moral dilemmas.

And right now, as always, there are lots and lots of those! I hope that’s helpful.

See you in the next one!

Listen on SPOTIFY here

Listen on APPLE Podcasts here

Listen on YouTube here

More information:

COURSE: Jonny’s self-care course, ‘Looking After No.1’ (link). Get the book for £3.97 here.

QUESTIONNAIRE: The Professional Quality of Life Measure - a questionnaire to help you get a sense of your current stress levels and work satisfaction. The measure is tailored for those in the helping professions and is FREE to download and use (link)

WEB ARTICLE: Read the opening pages of Kohlberg’s ground-breaking doctoral thesis here (link)

PAPER: Moral Development: A Review of the Theory by Kohlberg & Hersch (1977 - link) This one has a useful education focus.

BOOK CHAPTER: Moral Education in the Cognitive Education Tradition: Lawrence Kohlberg’s Revolutionary Ideas (link pdf download) - an involved but useful summary of the man, his context and how he worked with and between the ideas of Durkheim & Piaget.

WEB ARTICLE: Summary of Kohlberg’s theory from Simply Psychology (link)

WEB ARTICLE: A more in-depth and detailed pdf of Kohlberg’s theory - again from Simply Psychology (pdf download link)

*PAPER: A Theory of Human Motivation by Abraham Maslow (1943; see p.371 for reference to ‘prepotency’ - link)

PAPER: Moral Development, Religious Thinking and the Question of a Seventh Stage by Kohlberg & Power - a religious and philosophic take on it al… (1981 - link)

PAPER: Kohlberg’s Theory of Moral Development and Its Comparison with Ethics from the Perspective of Shia Islam - interesting read this for those who want to dig deeper into the role of religion in moral thinking, esp. the ‘moral nature of man.’ (link)

More in the Theory Bites series:

Theory Bites 1. - Urie Bronfenbrenner: Ecological Systems Theory (link)

Theory Bites 2. - Abraham Maslow: Hierarchy of Human Needs (link)

Theory Bites 3. - Erik Erikson: Psychosocial Stages of Development (link)

Theory Bites 4. - Sigmund Freud: Psychosexual Stages of Development (link)

Theory Bites 5. - Steven Porges: Polyvagal Theory (link)

Theory Bites 6a. - Lawrence Kohlberg (link)

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©️ Jonny Matthew 2026

INTRODUCTION

Why do kids do what they do? What drives their sense of right and wrong? Can you teach this stuff or is it imbibed by just being in the world? What role does education have in the moral development of children? Before, during and after the turn of the 20th Century these were some of the big questions exercising thinkers in psychology, sociology and philosophy.

Lawrence Kohlberg, building on Jean Piaget’s work, revolutionised contemporary understanding of how children and adults develop moral reasoning. He proposed that moral development happens in six distinct stages, and can be grouped into three levels - the stages progress as individuals mature, encounter real-life moral dilemmas and develop their thinking.

For professionals working with children, especially those recovering from developmental trauma and/or who offend, understanding Kohlberg’s theory can help us think about and guide more effective interventions and foster a healthier morality in kids.

But before we get into that, let’s back up a bit first…

Context

Simply and very generally put, Lawrence Kohlberg did the hard work of theorising required to progress the thinking of Emile Durkheim and Jean Piaget.

Writing at the end of the 19th and beginning of the 20th centuries, Durkheim’s emphasis was on the moral impact of society on the developing child. The child growing up in society, internalises its norms and expectations such that the society becomes represented in the child. He was interested in the role of education in explaining the morality of society, and thereby reinforcing it*.* Critics, including Kohlberg, felt this approach to be too pedagogical or ‘teachy.’

Writing a bit later on, Piaget included the child’s developing morality in his staged theory of cognitive development. He emphasised the need for children to discover morality for themselves, rather than being taught it - which, he thought, robs the child of fully understanding it.

Then, into the fray, comes Lawrence Kohlberg who published his doctoral thesis in 1958 with a focus on thinking (cognition), morality and education. He asked a big group of adolescents for their views on various moral dilemmas; the classic one being: ‘should Heinz steal a drug to save the life of his wife or should he obey the law and let his wife die for the lack of the drug? Why or why not?’

He then followed the same group over the next 20 years, continuing to test them and observing the development of their moral reasoning. Kohlberg said this development changed in a predictable pattern that progressed with age, increasing in complexity and scope over time - his theory seeks to articulate this progression.

Principles of Kohlberg’s Theory

Before looking at the developmental stages themselves, there are some broad principles that will help us understand the theory, it’s structure and children’s progression through it:

Sequential Progression: Moral reasoning develops in a fixed order, and individuals cannot skip stages - Maslow called this ‘prepotency.’*

Cognitive Development Link: Advanced moral reasoning relies on cognitive growth; the more mature the cognition, the more advanced the moral reasoning.

Universal Stages: The stages are universal across cultures, though the pace of progression varies (as does what constitutes ‘moral, immoral or amoral’, of course!).

Focus on Reasoning Over Action: Moral development emphasises the reasoning behind actions, not just the behaviours and/or decisions themselves.

Discombobulation Drives Growth: Encountering and grappling with challenging moral situations and dilemmas promotes movement to higher reasoning.

Perspective-Taking: The ability to see situations from others’ viewpoints is essential for advancing through the stages (obviously, this requires meta-cognition and other exec functions like empathy - see 2 above).

The Six Stages of Moral Development

As with all the theories we’ve looked at, this one is broad and zoomed out; it can’t be applied rigorously and specifically to an individual child and be expected to nail it every time, faultlessly explaining what’s going on.

That said, it can give us a useful overview of human development as it deals with issues of morality, conscience and ethical thinking. And, like most theories, it can help structure our thinking and save us from lazy tropes and unhelpful practice habits.

So here goes; a quick overview of Kohlberg’s stages of moral judgment or justice reasoning (6 stages in 3 levels):

1. Pre-Conventional Level (Typically in early childhood)

In this stage children make choices that respond to labels or rules of right and wrong, good or bad, but these are interpreted in terms of the pros and cons for them and/or the power of those making the rules.

Stage 1: Obedience and Punishment Orientation

Decisions are made to avoid punishment.

Rules are viewed as fixed and unchangeable.

💡 e.g. a child doesn’t take biscuits without asking first because they fear being told off.

Stage 2: Self-Interest Orientation

Actions are driven by self-interest and immediate benefits.

Awareness emerges that others also have interests.

💡 e.g. a child helps to tidy their room because Mum has promised them a treat if they do.

2. Conventional Level (Typically in adolescence)

The child understands and wants to behave in ways that maintain the expectations of the ‘group’ (e.g. family, society, country) to which they belong - not merely out of an expected imperative to conform but a personal desire to do so.

Stage 3: Interpersonal Accord and Conformity

Focus on being a “good person” and meeting societal expectations.

Moral reasoning prioritises relationships and social approval.

💡 e.g. a child takes on a sponsored run because his friends will be impressed

Stage 4: Authority and Maintenance of Social-Order Orientation

Emphasis on law and order, duty, and upholding societal rules.

Actions are justified by maintaining a functioning society - serving the greater good.

💡 e.g. a driver doesn’t park on double yellow lines because that might block emergency vehicles.

3. Post-Conventional Level (Achieved by some adults, if at all)

The individual makes a clear effort to define and conform to principles that are valid aside from ‘group’ and aside from the individual’s own identification with the group. Such principles need to be logically comprehensive, univeral and consistent, not merely the vagaries of someone’s thinking in the moment.

Stage 5: Social Contract Orientation

Awareness that rules and laws exist to serve society but can be changed if unjust or need updating (practice changes, thinking moves on, etc.).

Decisions are based on fairness and human rights.

💡 e.g. someone decides to risk arrest at an illegal protest because demonstrating against human rights violations serves a higher cause.

Stage 6: Universal Ethical Principles

Guided by abstract moral principles like justice, equality and dignity.

Laws are secondary to these overarching principles & exist to serve them.

The idea that moral choices are based on moral principles - and sometimes the principles may cause a person to make choices in service to those principles that supersede convention/laws.

💡 e.g. the selfless, principled actions of people like Rosa Parks (who refused to give up her seat on a bus for a white person); Alexei Navalny (challenging systemic corruption in Putin’s Russia) or Harriet Tubman (who smuggled hundreds of slaves to freedom via the Underground Railroad) might be examples of this stage.

It’s worth noting here (and remains a mystery to me if I’m honest!) that although Kohlberg thought stages 1-4 were universal to all people and across cultures and societies, he felt that adults rarely achieve moral development to stages 5 and 6, saying that only around 10-15% of people did. More recent research has suggested that around 20% of people reach the post-conventional level.

Whatever the truth of it, it’s unlikely any of us will know whether we have or will attain stage 6 until our personal circumstances confront us with the kinds of stark choices, the like of which Parks, Navalny and Tubman encountered.

Whatever the truth of it, it’s unlikely any of us will know whether we have or will attain stage 6 until our personal circumstances confront us with the kinds of stark choices, the like of which Parks, Navalny and Tubman encountered.

💡 e.g. recent events around the senseless killings of bystanders/protestors against the work of ICE agents in the U.S. show how suddenly circumstances can change and present moral dilemmas - do I protest this or not; am I prepared to put up with this or not? None of knows how we’ll react till it happens….)

FINAL THOUGHTS

So that’s the theory laid out in all its glory. Like the others we’ve covered already (links below), Kohlberg is staged and sequential, and it assumes a degree (at least) of prepotency at each stage.

But where does that leave us in our efforts to help the kids we work with and care for? In the next post, we’ll look at this a bit more closely to see what Kohlberg has to offer us in our work.

In the meantime, knowing a little about how children might develop this side of their functioning is useful, not least because it helps to shape and bring form to how we see an area of their lives that can easily add to their woes-as they encounter the wrong side of the law, for example-and how we can respond in ways that take account of their relative maturity when it comes to ethics, other-awareness and morality in general.

I hope that’s helpful. See you in the next one!

Listen on SPOTIFY here

Listen on APPLE Podcasts here

Listen on YouTube here

More information:

WEB ARTICLE: Read the opening pages of Kohlberg’s ground-breaking doctoral thesis here (link)

PAPER: Moral Development: A Review of the Theory by Kohlberg & Hersch (1977 - link) This one has a useful education focus.

BOOK CHAPTER: Moral Education in the Cognitive Education Tradition: Lawrence Kohlberg’s Revolutionary Ideas (**link** pdf download) - an involved but useful summary of the man, his context and how he worked with and between the ideas of Durkheim & Piaget.

WEB ARTICLE: Summary of Kohlberg’s theory from Simply Psychology (link)

WEB ARTICLE: A more in-depth and detailed pdf of Kohlberg’s theory - again from Simply Psychology (pdf download link)

*PAPER: A Theory of Human Motivation by Abraham Maslow (1943; see p.371 for reference to ‘prepotency’ - link)

PAPER: Moral Development, Religious Thinking and the Question of a Seventh Stage by Kohlberg & Power - a religious and philosophic take on it al… (1981 - link)

PAPER: Kohlberg’s Theory of Moral Development and Its Comparison with Ethics from the Perspective of Shia Islam - interesting read this for those who want to dig deeper into the role of religion in moral thinking, esp. the ‘moral nature of man.’ (link)

More in the Theory Bites series:

Theory Bites 1. - Urie Bronfenbrenner: Ecological Systems Theory (link)

Theory Bites 2. - Abraham Maslow: Hierarchy of Human Needs (link)

Theory Bites 3. - Erik Erikson: Psychosocial Stages of Development (link)

Theory Bites 4. - Sigmund Freud: Psychosexual Stages of Development (link)

Theory Bites 5. - Steven Porges: Polyvagal Theory (link)

Subscribe & Follow?

You can join the email list for this blog publication here. Your information is safe and you can unsubscribe anytime very easily.

If you want these posts sent straight to your inbox, click the blue subscribe button below.

You can also “Like” this site on Facebook or connect with me on LinkedIn or Twitter. The voiceovers are also on YouTube and Spotify.

©️ Jonny Matthew 2026

INTRODUCTION:

Regular readers of the blog will know that I’m a voracious reader. It is one of my life’s great pleasures, as well as being the only guarantee of continued learning - something I’m completely committed to.

So, just like last year, I thought I’d kick off 2026 (happy New Year, by the way! 🥂) with a review of my reading from last year - in the hope that you might be triggered to read one or more of them yourself and improve your practice further.

Unlike last, though, my reading was interrupted by family events, culminating in my lovely Mum passing away at the end of September. In order to help me weather the storm of all this, I deviated from my normal diet of work-related stuff, into something much more mixed.

This had two results:

- I read far fewer books than I normally would (around 30 instead of 50 ish)

- Many more of them were fiction; read for their distraction value and to help me relax and recover.

I won’t list everything I read, but include here only those related to helping troubled kids to recover and allied subjects (and one or two others) - after all, that’s why you’re here!

📘 Books read in 2025:

Here’s the list, along with my opinion in brief of each one and a star-rating (as posted on Instagram). I ‘read’ both in Audible and in print.

Feel free to nip on to the end if you don’t want to read all this - you can always keep it for later… 😉

FIRST 10:

1. A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens - (print) my annual holiday read. Absolutely delicious! Nothing like the telly versions. Finished 01/1/25 5⭐️

I read this for its powerful message of self-reflection as well as the scrumptious prose. The longer I work with troubled kids the more convinced I am of my own ignorance and the associated need to strive to do and to be better.

2. Skandar & The Unicorn Thief (audio) by A.F. Steadman. Recommended by my 10 year old niece. Potteresque & surprisingly enjoyable - a ripping good yarn - Finished 04/1/25 3⭐️

- As child care professionals, I think it serves us well to take the occasional foray into the literary world of the kids we serve. While many of them (most?) won’t be big readers, spending time here can only help keep us oriented; the great imagination and unpredictability of Skandar’s world is a good foil against the creeping cynicism that so easily threatens.

3. Mary Magdalene Revealed: The First Apostle, Her Feminist Gospel & The Christianity We Haven’t Tried Yet. (audio) Mm, esoteric, confused & generally unhelpful in any meaningfully spiritual sense; at least to me. Good brain fodder, though, and a useful challenge to the dominance of men in historical theological writing (not least the Bible itself!). Finished 09/1/25 - 2⭐️

4. The Exchange (print) by John Grisham. An enjoyable & compelling read; a worthy sequel-of-sorts to The Firm - finished 15/1/25 3⭐️

5. On Kindness (print) by Adam Phillips & Barbara Taylor. An interesting, informative & challenging history of a virtue in decline. Important! 4⭐️ - finished 18/1/25 4⭐️

- Time and again, when thinking about our work and when training with colleagues, I come back to the centrality and power of kindness. It is perhaps the the pinnacle of what we do to help troubled kids: lean in, empathise and be kind.

- I’ve long had in my mind to write something of book length on Kindness - maybe something to push forward with this year?…

6. THE DEVELOPING MIND (3rd Edtn.) How Relationships and the Brain Interact to Shape Who We Are (audio & print) by Daniel Siegel - very possibly the best book ever written; certainly the best I’ve read. A proper swim in the deep end. The third edition of this genius work is a tour de force. Finished 07/3/25 5⭐️

- Another gestating plan I have in the offing is a masterclass for those wanting to accelerate their learning. This book will be one of the texts we examine on the course.

7. ADHD - A Hunter in a Farmer’s World (audio) by Thomas Hartman. A fascinating & useful hypothesis. Well worth a read - finished 11/3/25 3⭐️ His substack of the same name is well worth a look if ADHD is an area of interest.

8. Fathomless Riches or How I Went From Pop to Pulpit (audio) by Richard Coles. Enjoyed this a lot - it challenges the usual prescribed routes to Christian conversion but is dripping with grace and self-reflection. A cracker! Finished 20/3/25 4⭐️

9. Nothing Is True and Everything is Possible: Adventures in Modern Russia (audio) by Peter Pomerantsev. A fascinating story by story account of life in Putin’s post soviet Russia. Scary and dark, as you’d expect, but insightful nonetheless. Finished 01/4/35 3⭐️

10. The Price of Life: In Search of What We’re Worth & Who Decides by Jenny Kleeman (audio) Absolutely un-put-down-able! Engrossing, shocking & compelling - all at once! Finished 05/4/25 4⭐️

- In our working world, the organising ideas in this book are important. Lives are not usually and overtly ‘valued’ - this would be to open up the ‘valuer’ to acerbic criticism, and rightly so. But where and how we choose to target resources says a lot about what and, much more importantly who, we (as a society) really value…

SECOND 10:

11. One Shot by Lee Childs (print) - a classic Jack Reacher tale; better than the film! - finished 18/4/25 3⭐️ (I went on to read another 14 Reacher novels this year - they’ve become a real safe port in a storm for a troubled mind - love ‘em!)

- Having long waxed lyrical about the importance of self-care, I’ve learned new lessons this year (more on this in a future post). Suffice to say that allowing my ‘Tigger mind’ to roam the benign plains of fiction-taking time out from child trauma, abuse, etc.-has been chief among them. Simple but true.

12. The Life You Can Save by Peter Singer (audio) A philosophical deep-dive and data-informed exploration of giving; how individuals, organisations and charities can best direct their resources to maximum effect - finished 21/4/25 3⭐️

- Sometimes the best help we can offer is cash. Maybe not at work, but certainly when it comes to wider charitable engagement - see an example here. This book is a fascinating exploration of how to target our giving-large or small- to best effect.

13. God After Deconstruction by Thomas Jay Oord & Tripp Fuller (audio) A brilliant summary and persuasive polemic for open and relational theology. If you’re a Christian with questions about the Bible & faith, or a skeptic on religion, this is for you. Masterful! - finished 26/4/25 5⭐️

14. Ultra-Processed People: Why Do We All Eat Stuff That Isn’t Food… And Why Can’t We Stop? By Chris van Tulleken (audio) Enlightening, complicated & more than a little bit scary. Everyone should read this! Finished 28/5/25 4⭐️

- One work-related aspect of this book is the examination of links between financial poverty and poor quality food. Like Michael Marmot’s book, it blasts the ‘poor people make bad dietary choices’ argument right out of the water. Systemic injustices, and therefore future health prospects and life-chances, extend well beyond education, access to work and social mobility; they infect the very bodies of the kids we serve!

15. The Salt Path by Raynor Winn (audio) Autobiographical account of atypical homelessness. Nicely written, gentle & strangely inspiring; even though the author’s voice is irritating after a while, it made me want to pack up & walk… Finished 23/6/25 3⭐️

- This tale has suffered some turbulence in terms of its veracity this year. But for me, it acted as a literary metaphor for ‘walking through troubled times’, something me and my family were experiencing during Mum’s decline. In that respect it served me well.

16. Not in God’s Name by Jonathan Sacks (audio) - stalled - bored 0⭐️

17. NAVIGATING AUTISM: 9 Mindsets for Helping Kids on the Spectrum by Temple Grandin (audio & print) An absolute stonker, this one! It started me on a deep dive into reading on autism that I still haven’t fully surfaced from; so much to learn… Finished 08/20/25 4⭐️

- Anyone working with, connected to or caring for troubled kids will get real value from this. Amid the rising prominence of neurodiversity and the associated cries of ‘over-diagnosis’ this book equips the reader to better understand and respond to the autistic child.

18. CURED: The Remarkable Science of how People Recover from Chronic Illness by Dr Jeff Rediger - (audio) An incredibly enlightening and encouraging book - a rare fusion of science, spirituality and hope. Loved it! Finished 29/10/25 5⭐️

- A useful reminder of the power of mindfulness, meditation and self-care (among lots of other things!) in our efforts to stay well in an increasingly toxic culture.

19. Middleland: Dispatches from the Borders by Rory Stewart - (print) still reading ⭐️

20. The Autistic Brain by Temple Grandin - still reading ⭐️

Not all work

For me—and likely for many others—reading offers both comfort and discovery. I read not only to expand my understanding, gather knowledge and challenge what I think I know with fresh perspectives, but also to step away from reality for a while. I love getting lost in different worlds and slipping into the lives of others through their stories.

In a year during which my own story and that of my wider family has been difficult, books have functioned to help me un-plug, keep me grounded, get me out of my own head (and emotions!) and allow me to just be. The fictional life and stories of Jack Reacher have been a particular blessing - THANK YOU Lee Child!

Not all the books cited above are ‘work’ books, obviously. Some are faith-based, others are just fiction for fun or general interest because the cover caught my eye. I agonised briefly about whether to include these or not, but decided this was more about reading in general than it was about reading to be better practitioners; so there they are.

But my top 3 reads of 2025 - in capitals above - are (in no particular order):

1. The Developing Mind (3rd Edtn.) How Relationships and the Brain Interact to Shape Who We Are (audio & print) by Daniel Siegel - an unparalleled work of neurological genius served up for the lay reader. Truly brilliant!

2. Navigating Autism: 9 Mindsets for Helping Kids on the Spectrum by Temple Grandin - I asked a couple of experts what to read on autism and they both suggested Temple Grandin; I was not disappointed. This book is gold dust for anyone who comes across autism in their work with troubled kids.

3. Cured: The Remarkable Science of how People Recover from Chronic Illness by Dr Jeff Rediger - this is a unique book, in that it manages to remain scientifically focused while lifting the eyes to see the wider picture. It’s embrace is big enough for mindfulness, nutrition, meditation and the broad swathe of human spirituality - all of which, Rediger asserts, impacts our health. A beaut!

FINAL THOUGHTS

Looking back over 2025, I’m grateful as always for the privileges I enjoy. Above all, I’m thankful for having been born to, raised by and taught how to live life well by my Mum, Faith Rosina Mary Matthew (27th January 1942 to 27th September 2025) - herself the most voracious reader I have ever known.

Thanks once again for indulging me in this little foray into my 2025 and the uniquely comforting role books have played for me this year. And thank you, as always, for your support in the last twelve months - for the blog and my work in general. THANKS to everyone who’s attended a course, read a book, watched a video or emailed with encouragement. My only wish is that what I write here-and thus what you guys read-will help make the lives of troubled kids better somehow.

So, I will keep reading and writing in the hope of encouraging us all to learn, expand our thinking and practice, and so serve troubled kids more effectively. And also in the hope of urging us to look after ourselves - to find and soak in the solace that is… reading.

HAPPY NEW YEAR! See you in the next one! 🥂

More Information

Last years reading list post - (link)

Follow this year’s reading on Instagram (link)

Join Audible, not sure where I’d be without it now! (link)

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©️ Jonny Matthew 2026

INTRODUCTION

Working with troubled kids has all kinds of complexities attached to it - none more so than when the child has a learning disability. Over the years I’ve come across this a lot but it still amazes me how complex it can be, especially when layered up with other factors - like trauma.

In the last post we looked a bit at how kids with LDs can be effected by trauma and some of the differences to bear in mind if we’re going to avoid applying the same approaches we might use for normally developing children.

In this post, we’ll look at how we can approach our work of supporting traumatised kids with LDs and some practical ways we can orientate our practice to try and optimise our impact.

Given the breadth of the subject, what follows is necessarily cursory, but please contribute your own thoughts by leaving a comment.

How to Support Traumatised Children with Learning Disabilities

The issues facing kids with LDs, who also endure trauma, are legion and so are the challenges for those trying to help.

Given the summary ideas listed in the previous post, here are a few thoughts on how we might approach our work in supporting these kids in a way that takes account of all this (as always, this is very much a list of things that strike me as I write and is therefore far from exhaustive).

4 things to get us started…

1. Understand this Child’s Unique Needs

Every child with LDs has a unique combination of strengths and challenges. So, practitioners should:

Understand the child’s specific LDs and how it might be affecting their ability to process trauma.

Speaking with parents, carers, educationalists and other colleagues who know the child well can really help here.

Focusing on the child’s functioning before the trauma (if possible) can help us highlight the before/after affects of what happened.

Observe how the child expresses stress or fear, negative moods, disappointments, how they regulate affect, etc. as this may differ from typical trauma responses.

Remember, nothing is perfectly generalisable; every child is different-before the trauma-so, equally, every child’s post-traumatic presentation is layered on top of that distinctiveness, and is therefore unique in itself.

2. Use Trauma-Informed Practices

Trauma-informed care ensures that children feel safe, understood and supported.

Key principles include:

- Developmental focus: Taking account of how old the child is is important; how mature they are even more so. Make sure to distinguish between the two; in the intervention planning phase, maturity is the thing that matters most.

- Safety: Create predictable routines, boundaries and environments to help children feel secure. Your own consistency of presentation and approach is central to this - keep change to a minimum and you’re well on your way!

- Trustworthiness: Be respectful, consistent and transparent in your actions and communication. Follow through on what you say - always. If in doubt, listen; then listen some more, reflect back…and listen again. It’s their party, remember, so keeping that in mind will help put the brakes on any tendency to rush in.

- Empowerment: Give children choices and involve them in decisions whenever possible. If in doubt, ask them what they’d prefer, what they think, etc. Coupled with the kind of active listening mentioned just now, this gives kids their voice - particularly crucial when children with LDs may struggle with communication anyway.

3. Adapt Therapeutic Approaches

Standard trauma interventions will almost certainly need to be chosen and adapted to best fit children with LDs:

- Art or play therapy can help non-verbal children express their emotions. Using non-directed approaches allows the therapist to learn from the child and avoids things like confirmation bias and the misreading of intentions and meanings. When it comes to ‘interpretation of meaning,’ again, let kids do this for us as much as possible - jumping to conclusions is the enemy!

- Sensory integration techniques may help children with sensory processing challenges to self-regulate. Information from parents and carers can really help here, too; always ask, ‘what’s worked previously in this situation?’ Then integrate and develop these into your work. Tactile techniques, movement, music/rhythm, breath work, etc. can all work with LDs, too, so don’t right these off; but don’t rush in thoughtlessly, either. Keeping the child’s interoceptive ‘inner world’ in mind will help.

- Social stories or visual aids can be used to explain therapy concepts and process/es, present ideas, posit responses and/or provoke conversation. This is a real skill; suffice to say that some kids need a more tangential and/or creative approach to explaining things… But this is worth the time and effort involved as it feeds into safety, helps with engagement and builds trust, as well as ensuring the ways we communicate ‘fit’ the needs of each child.

4. Collaborate with Schools/Education

Trauma often affects children’s ability to learn (see last week’s post), so collaboration with teachers and other educational staff is critical.

Strategies include:

- Recognise that help here is two-way traffic - we can all learn from each other in our joint mission to help kids. Asking for help may also give us an ‘in’ to offer help back.

- How kids with LDs interact with peers can provide valuable insights for the helping process - teachers and school staff have unique insights into this. Smoothing the therapeutic process by introducing consistencies that dovetail with school, for example, is a great way of helping kids feel safe and at ease.

- Providing a safe space at school where kids can go to self-regulate can really help. Lots of special schools and schools with well-being units/areas will have these, but the child may not know about them or have used them before. Tap into every resource available.

- Training educationalists to recognise trauma responses in children with LDs. In my experience, some LDs teaching staff can (understandably) tend to assign behavioural and emotional responses to the LDs. While this may well be true, there may be trauma-genic influences in play, too. Raising awareness of this in school settings is a good place to start.

- Adjusting academic expectations to accommodate the child’s emotional state. We encounter this a lot in our work using the trauma recovery model (TRM). Often a child’s presentation will regress as they start to deal with hard stuff (processing trauma). When this happens, the key is that our help must also also adapt so our expectations of the child match their current capacity - none more so than school performance. Dialling up the pressure in school is that last thing a child needs if they’re just beginning, or in the throes of, processing trauma.

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Practical Implications for Practitioners

1. Holistic Assessments

Social workers and other helping professions should assess both trauma history and LDs when working with children; looking at either in isolation is a waste of time.

This dual lens helps practitioners:

Understand the child’s unique needs and challenges.

Identify gaps in support, such as unmet educational or therapeutic needs.

Whenever possible-i.e. when there’s been an episodic (one-off) trauma, rather than a developmental one-we need to examine the before and after aspects of it; how did this traumatic event change the child’s presentation?

This approach will help avert the risk of the trauma defining the child in the adults’ minds. To help them recover to how they were, we need to understand the impact of what happened.

This is more complex, of course, if the adults aren’t aware of their having been a traumatic event. Then we’re reliant on noticing changes, sometimes over time, between the child’s previous presentation and the changes induced by what happened to them.

In either event-known/unknown trauma-assessing the whole child as broadly as possible, is critical

2. Advocate for Multidisciplinary Support

Children with LDs often require coordinated care across multiple systems. Blockers within and between different parts of the system make things worse for the child and harder for those trying to support them.

Practitioners can:

Advocate for even more individualised plans (IEPs and EHCPs; or 504 Plans in the U.S.) in education and healthcare settings.

- Temporary adjustment of plans and approaches may be necessary during a child’s recovery process.

- Reviewing plans in light of a changed presentation will help keep things up to date and relevant.

- Adding the views of new disciplines to existing plans may yield a more rounded picture of the child, leading to a clearer view of what’s going on and how to help.

Collaborate with therapists, teachers, healthcare colleagues and caregivers to create a cohesive care plan. Tailoring everyone’s expectations to the current needs of child will ensure a smoother approach to the work.

Ensure access to services like speech therapy, occupational therapy or other specific and/or targeted help. More than most client groups, kids with LDs need robust and persistent advocacy to ensure they get the help they need. Fighting on their behalf and giving their voice a boost can be hard work, but it’s tremendously satisfying, too.

Having as many relevant disciplines involved in the helping task, ensures thoroughness and increases the likelihood of a successful outcome.

3. Educate Parents and Caregivers

Parents and caregivers may need guidance on how to support their child at home as things unfold.

Practitioners can:

- Teach caregivers about trauma responses and how they may differ in children with LDs - helping parents to adjust their understanding of their own child is a key part of aiding recovery. The child will need to be ‘held’ safely at home during the treatment phase; parents and carers are absolutely central to this - any time educating, supporting and helping them is time well spent.

- Learning together, working together - Parents spend significantly more time with their kids than we do, obviously. So, for example, providing strategies for calming and supporting the child during meltdowns or distress can really help soothe the home environment and ‘hold’ the child more effectively as they recover. Any insights gained by practitioners that may help in the home-and vice versa-should be shared freely and form part of an ongoing, regular, two-way conversation where key adults are constantly learning from each other in the trial and error nature of the process.

- Connect families with support groups or community resources. Peer support during tough times can be a massive help. Parents/carers may not be aware of local opportunities to plug into the support other individuals and families can provide. Whether these be in-person groups, WhatsApp groups or online resources of some kind, cutting through the isolation is a good thing. Doing some of the work for parents and carers and making them aware of what’s ‘out there’ can be a big help.

4. Promote Resilience

Building resilience is a key goal for all traumatised children.

Resilience is a multi-dimensional concept which, in simple terms, is defined as positive adaptation and competence while facing adversity. (Goddard, 2020:7)

Often, children with LDs-especially those exposed to developmental trauma-will not have experienced the ‘ordinary magic’ of being held within a loving family, where adults are attentive, affectionate and alive to their problems and needs. So they haven’t learned how to ride over and learn from the inevitable bumps in the road that come along from time to time.

Practitioners can help ameliorate this by:

- Encouraging caregivers to focus on the child’s strengths and achievements. Balancing the problem focus with strengths, achievements and positives is powerful and can lend real hope and encouragement to what can feel like an arduous and slow process at times.

- Facilitating positive peer relationships through group activities, playdates or involvement in settings where kids with LDs can get together. Aside of the obvious benefits to the child and their parent/s, being present at such times can provide professionals with valuable insights into the child and their current functioning; all this feeds back into the assessment and intervention planning to best meet needs and tailor support more effectively.

- Teaching coping skills, such as deep breathing, mindfulness and tactile expression in ways the child can understand. Somatic (body-based) approaches like these can be really helpful in slowing down the physiological aspects of trauma activation, helping the child to be calmer in the moment and take fuller advantage of the opportunities afforded them. N.B. Work within your skillset and don’t over-reach, of course - this work is not the place for experimentation…

FINAL THOUGHTS

When trauma and learning disabilities meet inside the unique personality of a child, it presents challenges for those of us trying to help. But with the right input and help, children can be supported very successfully to overcome these barriers and fulfil more of their potential than they would otherwise.

Most of us have accumulated a range of skills, techniques and knowledge during our careers; the challenge here is how to apply all that to the needs of this particular child. Keeping this perspective front and central is, perhaps, the key principle of all this.

By understanding the unique needs of traumatised children with LDs, practitioners can advocate with confidence - and hang in there when the going (and the funding) gets tough - to ensure they receive the care and compassion they need.

With patience, creativity, collaboration and a truly trauma-informed approach, we can help children move beyond their challenges and build brighter futures.

See you in the next one!

Listen on SPOTIFY here

Listen on APPLE Podcasts here

Listen on YouTube here

More information:

See Jonny’s temporary website - here

WEBSITE: ACEs Hub Wales (link) has loads of resources available

WEBSITE: Traumatic Stress Wales (link) also has a resources section as well as links to various events, a treatment and recovery section as well as information on prevention

BOOK: Navigating Autism: 9 Mindsets For Helping Kids on the Spectrum (link)

BOOK: Ordinary Magic: Resilience in Development by Ann Masten (link)

PAPER (2025): Trauma-Informed Practice for Children and Young People with Intellectual Disabilities - A Scoping Review (link)

PAPER (2020): Adverse Childhood Experiences and Trauma-Informed Care by Anna Goddard (link)

PAPER (2009): Assessment of PTSD in Individuals with Intellectual Difficulties (link)

PAPER (2008): Responding to the Mental Health Needs of Young People with Profound and Multiple Learning Disabilities and Autistic Spectrum Disorders: Issues & Challenges (link)

For colleagues in the U.S. (though information is useful regardless):

WEBSITE: Child Mind Institute

WEBSITE: National Child Traumatic Stress Network.

Subscribe & Follow?

You can join the email list for this blog publication here. Your information is safe and you can unsubscribe anytime very easily.

You can also “Like” this site on Facebook or connect with me on LinkedIn or Twitter. The voiceovers are also on YouTube, Spotify and Apple Podcasts.

©️ Jonny Matthew 2025

INTRODUCTION

Through my work with colleagues at TRM Academy, trauma is a major part of my working world. Lately, though, the intersection of trauma with learning disabilities has come to the fore. So the next two blog posts are going to examine this conflation.

Now, I’m not an expert in learning disabilities (LDs), but have worked with this quite a bit over the years. Having read around it a lot recently in relation to some cases I’m involved with, I thought I’d share some thoughts about how trauma can be uniquely impactful in the context of LDs.

Developmental Trauma and Children with Learning Disabilities

Childhood trauma has profound and lasting effects, shaping kids’ emotional, social and cognitive development - this much is obvious; like humans of any age, these kids carry the ‘wound’ (‘trauma’ means ‘wound’) with them long after the triggering event or events have passed.

But when children with learning disabilities (LDs) experience trauma, the impact is even more layered and complex. I’ve split thinking on this into two posts:

- Fundamentals: This post explores how developmental trauma might affect children with LDs and some differences in trauma presentation between children with and without LDs.

- How to help: The next post will examine a few general approaches and practical strategies for helping them heal and thrive.

As always, this is a summary of the issue - nowhere near a thorough coverage…

What Is Childhood Developmental Trauma?

First things first…

Childhood developmental trauma occurs when children experience repeated or severe adverse events during their early years; things like:

Abuse (physical, emotional or sexual)

Neglect (omission of necessary positives - e.g. affection, stimulus, food, medical care)

Witnessing violence (e.g. domestic violence, emotional coercion, threats, war)

Chronic stress (e.g., living in poverty, experiencing discrimination)

Trauma in early childhood disrupts development; not least, young brains that are highly malleable are impacted by such experiences, which in turn can alter how children process emotions, form relationships and learn.

As Dr. Bruce Perry is credited with saying, a child growing up in trauma has a brain that has developed as if it were locked in a jar of toxic chemicals’ (paraphrasing from memory).

For children with LDs—who already face challenges with memory, language, information processing and/or problem-solving (to name but a few)—trauma compounds these difficulties, creating unique challenges that may require specialist support.

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How Trauma Affects Children with Learning Disabilities

Here are a few broad-brush issues that set the scene for how trauma impacts uniquely when laid over pre-existing LDs.

1. Heightened Vulnerability

Children with LDs are often more vulnerable to trauma for several reasons, for example:

They may struggle to express themselves, making it harder to report abuse or neglect, or to ask for help when they need it. This can range from big things like telling someone they’re being abused, through to simply making it known they’re in pain.

They’re more vulnerable to bullying or abusive adults due to being different. Essentially, they are ‘easy’ targets and being less likely and less able to speak up. This is the double whammy of LDs - the child is both an easy target for negative attention and more easily missed as a potential victim - laying them open for exploitation and mistreatment of all kinds.

Communication delays or cognitive difficulties can make it harder for them to understand, process and communicate traumatic events. The notion that kids should ‘just tell someone’ presumes they have the wherewithal to know what’s happening to (cognition) them and that speaking up is the appropriate response (communication) - never mind that they have the ability to do so!

In these ways, vulnerability is at the core of any trauma wound where LDs are concerned.

2. Compounding Challenges

Trauma affects emotional regulation, behaviour and attention—areas that many children with LDs already find challenging. For example:

- Hypervigilance: Traumatised children may feel perpetually on edge, interpreting neutral or benign situations as threatening, over-reacting to mild stimuli and/or seeing danger where there isn’t any. Obviously, this can heighten anxiety, agitation and/or distractibility in children with LDs.

- Difficulty learning: Children have to be settled in order to learn. Safety and physical homeostasis is essential in order for the cognitive faculties to do their thing. Trauma interferes with the ability to focus, retain information (particularly in working memory) and solve problems. So, children with LDs, who often struggle with these areas as a result of traumatic experiences, will find school even more challenging.

- Social difficulties: Both trauma and LDs can make it hard to connect with peers, leading to increased isolation and low self-esteem. If your early years are spent in the turmoil of violence, neglect or abuse, your sense of self (internal working model) and ability to trust others (attachment) are compromised too. This effects the interpersonal world in a way that undermines the child’s ability to connect easily and safely with others.

3. Delayed Development

For children with LDs, trauma may lead to further developmental delays. For example:

- A child with a language delay may regress in their ability to communicate after a traumatic event. This makes speaking up difficult, if not impossible, compounding the inner, subjective confusion further still, and triggering externalising behaviour that can distract supportive adults from what’s really going on.

- A child with attentional challenges may become even more hyperactive or unfocused. The overlap of LDs, attachment insecurity and post-traumatic symptoms like hypervigilance, agitation and a heightened startle response can be nye on impossible to interpret easily. Children can be tagged as being stroppy, pegged with an ADHD label or as just being in a bad mood - none or all of which might be true. It might be assumed that they’ve reached a developmental peak - gone as far as they can and the presentation indicates we shouldn’t push them any more to grow and learn. Again, this might be correct. But it might not be!

- A child with a negative self-concept or poor self-esteem may feel even worse. Navigating the world as a child with LDs is hard enough; trauma adds a huge negative influence on the developing sense of self, making it doubly difficult to process, move passed and get back on track developmentally. It’s an uphill battle for a child with LDs to build a positive personal script and/or internal working model, trauma doubles-down on these challenge further still.

Differences Between Traumatised Children With and Without LDs

Trauma often manifests differently in children with LDs compared to their typically developing peers. While both groups experience emotional, behavioural, psychological and physical symptoms, children with LDs may show unique patterns and/or express them differently.

For example:

1. Emotional Regulation

- Typically developing children: May display mood swings, withdrawal or irritability as a response to trauma.

- Children with LDs: Emotional outbursts or shutdowns may be more intense and frequent or feelings may turn inward just the same, but the expression may be very different.

2. Communication of Trauma

- Typically developing children: Might verbalise their trauma through storytelling, explaining their fears, talking about ‘a friend’ or just coming straight out with it.

- Children with LDs: May rely more on non-verbal behaviours and presentations that are observable by others (e.g. aggression, clinginess, school refusal, self-harm) to express their trauma, especially if they have limited verbal skills.

3. Behavioural Changes

- Typically developing children: Behaviours like avoidance, aggression or regressed play are often context-specific (e.g. tied to reminders of the trauma or clear triggers).

- Children with LDs: The LD child is much less likely to be conscious of any cause and effect association and so may react in an even less directed or obviously connected way. Behaviours may seem unrelated to triggers, as cognitive difficulties can make it harder for them to connect cause and effect, and harder for others to detect.

4. Trauma Processing

- Typically developing children: Can often engage in talking therapies and cognitive approaches (particularly older kids) to process trauma. Or they may speak tangentially about things or draw pictures that gives clues to the adults around them.

- Children with LDs: can do exactly the same but will need access to non-verbal therapies like art or play, that allow some expression and processing whilst also tailoring to their communication and cognitive needs. And will definitely need very observant adults to pick up on things in ways unique to each child.

FINAL THOUGHTSs

Of course, all of the above is a desperate simplification of an immensely complex pantheon of challenges. But that, in itself, makes the material point here: that those of us tasked with caring for and supporting these children have our work cut out.

It starts with embracing one fundamental idea - that children of all kinds suffer trauma, feel the after-effects and need the safe people around them to be switched on and proactively focused on their needs, so when things change or the time is right to let someone know, we’re ready.

I hope this post has at least underlined this challenge and some of the reasons for and ways in which children with LDs experience trauma and go on to respond to and indicate their need for help. In our next post we’ll take a look at a few things we can do to help.

See you the next one!

Listen on SPOTIFY here

Listen on APPLE Podcasts here

Listen on YouTube here

More information:

See Jonny’s temporary website - here

WEBSITE: ACEs Hub Wales (link) has loads of resources available

WEBSITE: Traumatic Stress Wales (link) also has a resources section as well as links to various events, a treatment and recovery section as well as information on prevention

BOOK: Settling to Learn: Settling Troubled Pupils to Learn - Why Relationships Matter in School by Louise Bombér (link)

BOOK: Navigating Autism: 9 Mindsets For Helping Kids on the Spectrum (link)

BOOK: Ordinary Magic: Resilience in Development by Ann Masten (link)

PAPER (2025): Trauma-Informed Practice for Children and Young People with Intellectual Disabilities - A Scoping Review (link)

PAPER (2009): Assessment of PTSD in Individuals with Intellectual Difficulties (link)

PAPER (2008): Responding to the Mental Health Needs of Young People with Profound and Multiple Learning Disabilities and Autistic Spectrum Disorders: Issues & Challenges (link)

For colleagues in the U.S. (though information is useful regardless):

WEBSITE: Child Mind Institute

WEBSITE: National Child Traumatic Stress Network.

Subscribe & Follow?

You can join the email list for this blog publication here. Your information is safe and you can unsubscribe anytime very easily.

You can also “Like” this site on Facebook or connect with me on LinkedIn or Twitter. The voiceovers are also on YouTube, Spotify and Apple Podcasts.

A book review by the author.

INTRODUCTION

This is the first guest post since I re-launched the blog on Substack. I hope it’ll be the first of many.

Chris Perry is a former Director of Social Services for South Glamorgan County Council, a former Non-executive Director of the Winchester and Eastleigh Healthcare NHS Trust, a former Director of Age Concern Hampshire and a presenter of an award-winning current affairs programme on Express FM.

He has written extensively, in recent years, on health and social care, youth justice and income inequality and poverty, and although the articles have been well received they have not, as yet, impacted Government thinking as he hoped.

Now, Chris has written a book which has been published on Amazon recently. The book is intended as a catalyst to debate by giving the issues a longer shelf life and taking them to a wider audience.

This summary is written in the third person by Chris Perry himself.

A FAIR SOCIETY by Chris J Perry

Chris considers, widening income inequality and increasing poverty to be the great social evils of our time.

Global billionaire wealth increased by $2 trillion in 2024. That is roughly $5.7 billion per day and was three times faster than the previous year. In contrast the median household disposable income in the UK in 2023 was £34,500: a 2.5% decrease on £35,100 in 2022.

'The NHS and Social Care are in crisis and in need of radical reform, restructuring and cultural change based upon a whole systems review.'

Social Work is undervalued and social workers misused. The utilities, gas and electricity, are making huge profits and paying extortionate salaries and bonuses while people go cold. The water boards are failing to keep up with acceptable standards. There are concerns about rising knife crime amongst young people.

And…

In 2022 / 23 there were 4.3m children in the UK being brought up in poverty: 2/3rds of whom had a parent in work.

In March 2023 there were 107,317 children in the care of the local authority in the UK – the highest number ever.

In December 2023 112,660 homeless households were living in temporary accommodation in England.

Despite low detection rates the courts could not keep pace with demand and prisons were bursting at the seams.

Two million older retired people were living in poverty in the UK in 2024.

It’s to this state of affairs that the book speaks.

Drawing upon years of experience and empirical evidence, Chris sets out to demonstrate that one cannot address whole systems problems with component level solutions.

He argues that unless Government takes steps to reverse the widening income inequality and increasing poverty in our society the NHS will not keep pace with demand. Government will constantly be playing catch up and cannot go on throwing more and more money at the first aid camp at the bottom of the cliff without building a fence at the top - treating the symptoms not the causes.

There is a wealth of evidence on the social determinants of health which has demonstrated the correlation between income and health and is well documented (editor’s note: see the excellent book, The Health Gap, for an encyclopaedic coverage of this evidence)

A Fairer Society considers the causes of income inequality and poverty and the effect on physical and mental health, the quality of life, motivation in employment, demand upon health and social care, homelessness, anti-social behaviour and crime.

'Government should use identified savings and agreed additional expenditure to pump prime a ripple effect of radical reform'

It traces the changes in the public sector over the past 50 years and advocates Government should use identified savings and agreed additional expenditure to pump prime a ripple effect of radical reform, restructuring and cultural change across the public sector based on a “whole-systems approach” and increase the state pension and tax-free personal allowance to lift people out of poverty and reduce demand upon the NHS.

The challenge is to get, and keep, as many people as possible talking about the issues, causes and possible solutions so that they become familiar, acceptable and begin to gain traction.

It will take “Political Will” driven by “popular demand” to bring about change. The more people who buy the book the more likely it is that the Government will take note.

FINAL THOUGHTS

I haven’t yet read Chris’ book, but my copy is ordered.

His wealth of experience and enduring passion for children and families battling the intrinsic inequalities in UK society today, make it a must read.

I really hope the government will take his views on board.

See you in the next one!

See Chris’ book on Amazon

More information:

See Jonny’s temporary website - here

LinkedIn: Connect with Chris on LinkedIn here

BOOK: The Health Gap: The Challenge of an Unequal World by Michael Marmot (link). This is an absolute beaut!

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©️ Jonny Matthew 2025

Introduction

I wanted to pop on quickly to break the radio silence and say,’ Hi.’

My Mum’s serious health situation lasted many months and she passed away on Saturday 27th September - bless her! I’m prioritising spending time with my sibs and my Dad just now, as well as my own recovery from a traumatic few months, so not yet writing regularly.

I’m mindful of and very grateful for you guys’ patience with my silence in the bloggosphere - it’s not for lack of desire on my part but my head just isn’t fully in the game again just yet.

That said…

That said, I’m continuing to read a bit and grapple with the many issues that characterise our work with troubled kids and their families - as well as disparate other stuff.

So I thought I’d ping over a few bits that might of interest. Some of these I’ve posted as Substack Notes, but others not:

- Blog post by Thom Hartmann - (read it here)

This post, called ‘ADHD & the Dopamine Myth - What Motivation Science Gets Wrong.’ is a corker. It came up on my email feed and thought I’d share it - the focus is on understanding differences with motivation in folk with ADHD.

Thom’s book is fab and absolutely one of my favourite ADHD reads.

- Book by Peter Singer - (learn more here)

Singer is a world renowned philosopher who’s written on a vast array of subjects including ethics, animal rights and the morality of wealth, among other things.

The book is a philosophical deep-dive and data-informed exploration of giving; how individuals, organisations and charities can best direct their resources to maximum effect. It’s helped me think more clearly about where I route my own giving.

It’s not for the faint-hearted but the audio book is my recommended format for this one - it’s absolutely worth the effort.

Autism-related

I’ve come across a few situations recently that have tested me on what I know, or more honestly what I don’t know*,* about autistic spectrum conditions (ASCs) and how best to work with them.

Now, while I’m a massive believer in being clear when I’m out of my depth, I also can’t stand not knowing stuff. Hence what follows…

Temple Grandin reads

I’m really enjoying Temple Grandin’s book, The Autistic Brain, at the moment. It came recommended so I thought I’d give it a go - I don’t regret it. Just reading it is a clinic in what we can learn from people with ASCs.

The other Grandin book I have in process at the moment (yes, I know, I’m down an ADHD rabbit hole chasing autism just now - it’s how my brain works!), is Navigating Autism.

It lays out 9 mindsets (for us) when helping ‘kids on the spectrum.’ Here they are:

1. Every child is more than autism

2. Whole child evaluations are vital

3. Steps to take before beginning any intervention

4. Know these medical conditions associated with autism

5. Know these psychiatric conditions associated with autism

6. Prepare kids for the real world

7. Focus on strengths, not deficits

8. Work on the growth zone

9. Envision a successful adult

I haven’t quite finished either book yet, but I’m finding them really helpful - not least because of the unique perspective brought to the subject by an author who is autistic herself.

ASCs and criminality

My main reason for deep-diving into autism just now relates to some work I want to do in the Prevent field. This connects with one or two previous posts where autism (and numerous other factors) and criminality have overlapped - notably the Southport tragedy and the Ammanford school stabblings.

My passion, as always, is to fight for kids whose needs are not properly understood such that they get a raw deal, not least when their behaviour means they falls foul of the criminal law. So I did an Elicit search to get a summary of what we know on the subject fr recent academic research and thought.

The various summary sections are useful in themselves but, as always, the bibliography is gold dust for anyone wanting to read more detail.

CSA & Safeguarding

The CSA Centre for expertise published their guide for developing a strategic response to child sexual abuse - it’s good stuff this. It’s primary aim is local safeguarding children boards and partnerships, but there’s useful data here for others, too.

Based on a review of 170+ SCRs, rapid evidence and child practice reviews, it’s a useful repository of up to date thinking on the subject - on that basis it’s well worth a read. It’s a an absolute must read for anyone with a policy that hasn’t been updated for a while.

Final Thoughts

Apologies, once again, for the lack of new blog material. I expect this to continue for another few weeks, but absolutely will be back tapping away at the keyboard as soon as possible - my list of potential future posts is now massive!

In the meantime, I hope these few bits and bobs will inspire you to keep reading.

Thanks again for your kindness in staying subscribed here - it means more than you know!

Cheers, Jonny

More information:

See Jonny’s temporary website - here

BOOK: ADHD: A Hunter in a Farmers World (link)

WEB ARTICLE: Temple Grandin entry in Wikipedia (link)

BOOK: The Autistic Brain: Exploring the Strength of a Different Kind of Mind (link)

BOOK: Navigating Autism: 9 Mindsets For Helping Kids on the Spectrum (link)

DOCUMENTS: Developing Your Strategic Response to Ch9ld Sexual Abuse: A Guide for Safeguarding Children Partnerships (document download link, webpage link)

ELICIT REPORT on ASCs & CRIMINAL VULNERABILITY: This is the AI-generated summary report in response to my question: What is the prevalence and nature of criminal vulnerability among children and adolescents with autism spectrum disorder across different age groups and severity levels? **** (link)

Subscribe & Follow?

You can join the email list for this blog publication here. Your information is safe and you can unsubscribe anytime very easily.

You can also “Like” this site on Facebook or connect with me on LinkedIn or Twitter. The voiceovers are also on YouTube and Spotify.

©️ Jonny Matthew 2025

INTRODUCTION

On 24th April 2024 at about 11am a 13 year old stabbed two teachers and a fellow pupil at Dyffryn Amman School in Ammanford in Carmarthenshire. Mercifully, none of the injuries were life-altering but, one teacher who intervened suffered neck injuries which easily could have been life-threatening, if not fatal.

Since then the local safeguarding children board and associated professionals convened a Multi-Agency Professional Forum (MAPF) and subsequently published a report.

Having raised a number of questions in the last post, I wanted to see what, if any, answers we might get from knowing a little more - particularly about the girl involved.

Questions we raised

- What kind of girl was she?

- What did a ‘good day’ look like for her?

- Did she have friends; could she fit in or was she isolated.

- Who liked her?

- What was she good at?

- Did she have aspirations or plans for the future? (having asked for help?)

- Why was she bullied and what was done to support her?

- Why might her father have refused an early help assessment

- When were her ‘unusual’ interests first noticed, by whom and what was done?

- What aspects of her presentation caused others to think she was ‘odd?’

And, perhaps more importantly:

- Had she asked for help? If so, what did she think would help her? Was any attempt made to get this for her?

- Who did she trust at school? Were there adults she could speak to? Did she speak to anyone?

- Why did she dress like she did? Did this provide any insight into her internal world?

- What is her experience of ‘home’ like?

- What do we know about why she took a knife to school on this and previous occasions?

- Why was she not excluded and things escalated given the repeated nature of the behaviour?

- What was the narrative in the school - playground and staffroom - about her as a person, pupil, friend…?

And on it goes - the questions are legion!

Mercifully, the review report gives a far more balanced, understanding and humane summary of her character and experiences - something the press could learn from…

All about the girl - insights from the review

In between drafting my initial thoughts on this and publishing it, the review of the incidents was published (27 August 2025).

Without trawling over it all, I thought it was worth listing here some of the findings from the review that give insight into the subjective experience of this young girl.

I’ve limited my list to things specifically cited in the review report - all items are quoted exactly unless stated otherwise or indicated with brackets [ ]. All bold emphases are mine. In each case I’ve listed the page number for reference.

- She experienced bullying around potential neurodiversity (p.4)

- Showed signs of autism: low moods, tics, tip-toeing, cracking fingers, self-harming and escapism through made-up stories (p.4)

- Traumatic separation from birth mother (parental separation) (p.4)

- Witnessing violence towards her father from Mum’s new partner (p.4)

- Apologised to [her father] and was extremely distressed about what happened (after the incident - p.5)

- [She was] quirky, rebellious about uniform and had difficulties making friends (p.5)

- She had an orange marker for social needs, meaning she may have had previous emotional/behavioural concerns but was not one of the pupils requiring urgent consideration (in a review of children’s plans - p.5)

- Paraphrased: She took herself off to an old hall where pupils go at break times with permission from their head of year. She didn’t have this permission but went there. Teacher 1 (a victim) removed her from the hall on more than one occasion. The girl challenged this.

- The review stated in the Victim Perspective and Reflections section, that: ‘It seemed that being allowed to be in the hall was very important to child A – could she have been allowed to stay in the Hall with the others? Would that have made her feel safer and have helped with any social/friendship challenges she may have been experiencing?’ (p.6)

- Troubled childhood (p.7)

- Fracture parental relationships (p.7)

- Lack of a consistent, secure and stable maternal figure in her life (p.7)

- Exposure to domestic abuse [several with Police involvement between birth and being 8 years old] (p.7)

- Her emotional state deteriorated as she progressed through primary school…(p.8)

- [and] she experienced even greater difficulties in her secondary school days (p.8)

- Adolescence is likely to have added to her pre-existing emotional state (p.8)

- An assessment or specific diagnosis for neurodiversity was not carried out (though a CAMHS letter 2 years previously indicated the presence of traits that might be indicative of such - p.8)

- Child A is described by education staff as capable and bright academically with no additional learning needs support required (p.8)

- She struggled in her first secondary school, which was a Welsh speaking school. Child A was adamant for some time that she did not wish to speak Welsh and eventually moved to a school where this was not required (p.8)

[ - She had] unusual interests in war memorabilia, Hitler, a fascination with weapons and purporting to speak German and Russian (p.8)

- She was an Army cadet, which father said she loved, and this may have fed her fascination with things related to the war, weapons and conflict (p.8)

- Her father describes her as loving to read, research things and having a fertile imagination, creating fantasies (p.8)

- A CAMHS School in Reach consultation, the school described her as showing distinctive behaviours that made her stand out from peers developmentally (p.8)

Other insights from the review

These things I feel may have impacted the outcome (the incident) but are issues separate from the characteristics of the girl herself (not verbatim unless in ‘‘).

‘Historical behaviours in relation to risk of harm to others were discussed within the initial CAMHS assessment in February 2022, before the timeline for this report, with no further action taken in relation to this risk’ (p.9)

In early 2022 her father completed and returned an autism screening tool which suggested further assessment was indicated…

…A strategy meeting in October 2023 (at least 18 months later!) records that the school were going to follow this up - but there is no evidence this happened

A referral to PREVENT was discussed but never made - following the first knife incident in Sept. 2023 (p.8)

Instead, an assessment for early help to better understand her needs was offered; her father declined (p.8)

There is no information about whether or not she was on the waiting list for ASD assessment - which is several years long any any case (p.10)

‘There is a pattern throughout the review of agency records of child A and her father receiving some offers of help and support that were declined or not followed up.’ (p.10)

Domestic violence incidents recorded by Children’s Service over a 10 year period were considered to be of a lower-level and ‘not viewed as prolific in their frequency’ (p.10)

Children’s Services encountered problems with engagement by the father and the child, but the presenting issues were not felt to merit statutory involvement (p.10)

Father’s lack of engagement with early help was not fed back to the Central Referral Team for further analysis. If it had, a different level of help may have been offered (p.10)

Police took the girls allegations of bullying seriously and dealt with her appropriately (p.10)

Agencies’ assessments and plans do not include input from the mother and no evidence exists to suggest this was sought (p.10)

‘On occasions, there is evidence of a lack of ‘professional curiosity’ around child A’s presentation, her history and how it may have been affecting her as an adolescent.’ (p.11)

Overall, the lessons for agencies to learn echo those of a myriad previous enquiries, serious case reviews and child practice reviews.

Obvious blunders

But there are some things that should be normal practice but weren’t. And also there are things that should’ve been place that weren’t.

My take on section 8.2 (p.13)

- Transitions: these are always tricky. But information was not passed on between primary and secondary school. The same thing happened again when she changed secondary schools. Pretty basic.

- Communication/Information sharing: probably the most recurrent ‘finding’ in reviews of this kind… Education, children’s services, CAMHS and the father all had info that, were it viewed together, could well have triggered better help and maybe even averted the horrors that followed.

- Assessments and follow-up actions: quote, ‘There were key points when child A’s needs could have been comprehensively assessed from a cognitive and emotional health and wellbeing perspective, to understand what help and

support she needed and to ensure any potential risks were managed effectively (p.13).’ As well as this, follow-up after and between appointments, and when things got defaulted/declined or were transitioning to another agency, were missed.

Things I’d add to the list of improvements needed:

- Automatic escalation: when cases involve people who 1) won’t engage, 2) fall sub-threshold for Prevent and (3 don’t meet muster for safeguarding, there needs to be an automatic multi-agency forum convened with decision-making powers to intervene.

- Singular digital information: information splitting between different systems always seems to confound matters. Add agency-specific permissions and things get missed, serially. One digital repository for public agency info (police, education, health, social services, youth justice) is the obvious solution. If we can take someone’s heart and lungs out and put a secondhand set in, why the heck can’t we set up a national digital information system that works? The only challenges then are the data-protection implications of multi-agency access…

- Fast-tracking of specific assessments: when cases involve potential risk to the public, a faster route to appropriate assessments should be automatic. examples include:

- Risk assessments - clinical ones, not jumping-through-the-hoops-to-tick-the -box ones. Things like a SAVRY would pull together what’s known and guide ongoing decision-making (see info below).

- Neuro-diversity assessments - ADOS & ADIR trained professionals could be available for deployment when a child’s presentation suggests they may be grappling with a different brain. F-CAMHS teams across the UK could (some might already?) have a workstream that triggers their involvement in such cases. A waiting list of ’several years’ as in this case, is no help at all.

- Ring-fenced funding for safeguarding: I’ve lost count how many times I’ve come across cases which, years ago, would have been opened, investigated and intervened with. Now, in part because funding is so constricted, thresholds have risen and intervention is reluctant - agencies are forced to select only the most obvious, most pressing referrals for action. In the worst areas, there’s even some professional pride in batting cases away (I could name names… :0)

I’ve long felt that youth justice, education CAMHS and the police could work more closely together at the edges of our remits to help mop up cases which risk falling between the stools. YOT prevention work, MAPPAs & MARACs, voluntary, charitable and private agencies, police partnerships and others are already doing some good work on this - there are examples of good practice out there.

We just need to make that the norm.

Final thoughts

My heart goes out to those affected by this terrible incident - I can only imagine how scary and deeply unsettling this must be for them. Only a fool would downplay the impact.

But the review report presents us with a very different child to the one portrayed in the needlessly incendiary and selective press reporting at the time. Indeed, the review described the girl as being, ‘affected by several Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs), which we know can have a long-term detrimental impact on a young person’s emotional, social and behavioural development.’ (p.7)

This was a little girl - 10 when the first worrying behaviour emerged - who needed help to feel safe, understand herself and to navigate the world (not least adolescence!) without harm. We failed her.

As usual, the report lauds the professionals’ willingness to learn from all this and work together to avert future tragedies of this type. To my ear this is just more echo, more tired old rhetoric, more future orientation to take us away from the sadness and guilt as quickly as possible.

The plain truth is, we need to see children as children, we need to meet their needs and ensure their safety. In short, we need do whatever it takes and spend whatever it costs to help kids develop well and fulfil their potential. Because, as Richard Rohr wisely said,…**

‘If we do not transform our pain, we will most assuredly transmit it.’

I think that’s what happened in Ysgol Duffryn Aman. See you in the next one!

#helpnotpunishment

Listen on SPOTIFY here

More information:

Since this post was drafted the review report from the Multi-Agency Professional Forum (MAPF) has been published - a separate blog post coming on this very shortly.

A Spring Within Us (2018 - link)

MAPF REPORT: MAPF Incident Review – Ysgol Duffryn Aman (link) Blog post on this coming soon…

RESEARCH QUOTED IN THE MAPF REPORT: Adverse and positive childhood experiences, and their association with children’s involvement in violence (link)

PREVENT & CHANNEL PANEL: Factsheet 2024 (link)

SAVRY: Structured Assessment of Violence Risk in Youth (link). I my view, this is a great tool. Lots of clinicians and others are trained to use it, so delays are not built-in - doing more of these would provide useful structure to lots of cases where vagaries and splintered information add to the complexities.

BOOK: A really good reference for all things autism and legal - Autism and the Law: Navigating a Legal Minefield by Adam Feinstein (link)

BOOK: Children As Risk by Anne-Marie MacAlinden (link) best book I’ve read on risk as it relates to children. It’s about HSB/CSE but the principles speak to ‘child crime’ in general, in my view. More a criminological read than a practice one.

LECTURE: Dr Gwen Adshead - Reith Lecture 2024 #1 (This is brilliant! (link)

BOOK: What Happened to You? Conversations on Trauma, Resilience and Healing by Bruce Perry & Oprah Winfrey (link)

BOOK: Working with Troubled Children and Teenagers by Jonny Matthew (link)

Related blog posts

PREVIOUS BLOG: Punishment Doesn’t Work for Troubled Kids - Do This Instead… (link)

PREVIOUS BLOG: The case of Valdo Calocane starkly illustrates the need for treatment rather than punishment (link)

PREVIOUS BLOG: Avoidable Tragedy: What We Can Learn From Axel Rudakubana (and the Southport tragedy) (link)

Subscribe & Follow?

You can join the email list for this blog publication here. Your information is safe and you can unsubscribe anytime very easily.

If you want these posts sent straight to your inbox, click the blue subscribe button below.

You can also “Like” this site on Facebook or connect with me on LinkedIn or Twitter. The voiceovers are also on YouTube and Spotify. (NB: my Pinterest account was hacked and is now permanently offline).

©️ Jonny Matthew 2025

INTRODUCTION

On 24th April 2024 at about 11am a 13 year old stabbed two teachers and a fellow pupil at Dyffryn Amman School in Ammanford in Carmarthenshire. Mercifully, none of the injuries were life-altering but one teacher who intervened suffered neck injuries which easily could have been life-threatening, if not fatal.

Despite admitting the stabbings, there was a trial because the girl denied intent to kill. The first trial was ‘irretrievably compromised’ and collapsed due to ‘a great irregularity’ with the jury, the Judge said. The girl was subsequently found guilty of all charges and was sentenced to 15 years. She can expect to serve 7.5 years in custody, the rest on licence in the community.

None of what follows here intends to take away one iota from the shock, suffering and fear the folk involved went through, or indeed what they will continue to go through as they strive to recover from these horrific events and get on with their lives.

But there are one or two observations I’d like to make, most notably the narrow, selective and spectacularly unhelpful emphasis the media always place on such tragedies.

Firstly though…

Raw facts

Here’re a few things that seem clear:

A child: As in the case of Axel Rudakubana, who was 17 when he killed three little girls in Southport in July last year, the girl who stabbed three people in Ammanford was a child at the time; just 13 in fact.

Weapons at school: A Freedom of Information request to Ysgol Dyffryn Aman said there were four incidents of weapons being taken on to school premises during the 2023/2024 academic year - the year of the incident - with two pupils permanently excluded (BBC).

Government awareness: A deputy head teacher from the school had written to the Welsh Government a number of times raising the issue of behaviour at the school, including the lack of clarity about powers to search pupils bags; the last of the emails was on the morning of the incident. He resigned following the stabbings (ITV-X).

Context on the day: One of the most frequently aired aspects of this case-aside from the phone footage of the incident itself-is a video from the school CCTV system showing the girl sat alone in a school hall stabbing the wooden floor next to her with a knife (YouTube), clearly something’s not right.

Near tragic outcomes: three people got stabbed, in public, by someone they knew while at work/school. No-one died, but it could so easily have been very different.

Emotional impact: Lots of others witnessed what happened, were fearful then and doubtless still are now; lots of parents waited in terror until the school came out of lockdown and they could be reunited with their children (BBC). The emotional impact will be long-lasting, especially for the three primary victims.

Lost youth: A child who was 13 when this happened will be nearly 30 by the time the custodial and community supervision aspects of her sentence are done.

What we are told about ‘the girl’

I’m a passionate believer in the need to keep such children’s identities out of the public domain; the one downside of this is the almost complete lack of ‘humanising’ information about them in the press and elsewhere.

We hear lots about the offence but next to nothing about the child behind it - except any salacious and incendiary details the media choose to share, thus fuelling the ‘othering’ of the child concerned.

Once an offence of this kind has occurred, the critical, ill- or partially-informed tropes of the press, become the received ‘truth’ about the child and linger long in the public mind.

Here are a few of the things that have appeared in the press about her:

- She’d made notes asking herself why she wanted to stab teachers

- She received a fixed-term exclusion in September 2023 for bringing a knife to school (on instruction from the local authority the school waived their right to exclude her permanently)

- She had interests in war memorabilia, Hitler and weapons (ITV-X) but was not referred to Prevent at that time.

- While still in Primary school (age 10) concerns were raised when she took a BB gun to school

- She’s described as ‘odd.’

Cause & cure: what we don’t know

Reading everything I could find on this case, I’m left with a pile of questions.*

As usual, media outlets focus on the impact on victims, bystanders and the community at large - that’s ‘news’ after all. But we’re not given even a shred of information that de-mystifies what happened, gives insight into ‘why’ or at least what might have been going on behind it all - there’s no vestige of explanatory value in any of it.

On the contrary what we are told is never balanced - it’s almost entirely negative or shocking. Thus the public bay for ‘justice’ without any relevant understanding of cause; without that, the route to any cure is obscured.

Here’s what I’d like to know:

What kind of girl was she?

What did a ‘good day’ look like for her?

Did she have friends; could she fit in or was she isolated?

Who liked her?

What was she good at?

Did she have aspirations or plans for the future?

Why was she bullied and what was done to support her?

Why might her father have refused an early help assessment? (having asked for help?)

When were her ‘unusual’ interests first noticed, by whom and what was done?

What aspects of her presentation caused others to think she was ‘odd?’

And, perhaps more importantly:

Had she asked for help? If so, what did she think would help her? Was any attempt made to get this for her?

Who did she trust at school? Were there adults she could speak to? Did she speak to anyone?

Why did she dress like she did? Did this provide any insight into her internal world?

What is her experience of ‘home’ like?

What do we know about why she took a knife to school on this and previous occasions? Has she said why?

Why was she not excluded and things escalated given the repeated nature of the behaviour?

What was the narrative in the school - playground and staffroom - about her as a person, pupil, friend…?

I wouldn’t mind betting…

Having spent the last 30 years dealing with youth crime in one form or another-youth justice social work, sex offending specialism, running interventions in a secure unit and more-I’d be very surprised if there weren’t a whole load of factors helping to fuel the kind of behaviour that exploded on 24th April 2024.

It could be any or a combination of a whole load of things: developmental issues, biological issues, neurodiversity (particularly this), learning disabilities, abuse experiences, social isolation, episodic or serial trauma…and on it goes. You get the idea.

I can count on one hand the occasions I’ve come across where a child has offended in this kind of way for no discernible reason - that number drops again after a thorough assessment and getting to know them a little.

And yet none of this appears in the press. So the pervasive stereotypes of lone, violent, antisocial teenagers continue to build in the public mind without challenge.

Final thoughts

My heart goes out to those affected by this terrible incident - I can only imagine how scary and deeply unsettling this must be for them. Only a fool would downplay the impact.

But there’s learning here for us all, surely?

What I really want to know is - what good the system thinks will come from putting a 13 year old child through two trials on the basis that there was intent, rather than just accepting the guilty plea for the violence and putting in place the right structures to understand her, understand what happened, where it came from and how best to help.

Unlike the current criminal sentence, that would ensure the lessons are learned, that she is treated as someone with needs that can be met and the public would be a LOT less likely to be affected by her behaviour in future.

One thing I’m sure about - if punishment doesn’t work in changing behaviour like this (and we know it doesn’t), doing so by denying a child her entire adolescence certainly won’t work either.

#helpnotpunishment

See you in the next one!

More information:

*Since this post was drafted the review report from the Multi-Agency Professional Forum (MAPF) has been published - a post coming on this very shortly.

MAPF REPORT: MAPF Incident Review – Ysgol Duffryn Aman (link) Blog post on this coming soon…

WEB ARTICLE: Case summary and sentencing - BBC article (link)

BOOK: Children As Risk by Anne-Marie MacAlinden (link) best book I’ve read on risk as it relates to children. It’s about HSB/CSE but the principles speak to ‘child crime’ in general, in my view.

PREVIOUS BLOG: Punishment Doesn’t Work for Troubled Kids - Do This Instead… (link)

PREVIOUS BLOG: The case of Valdo Calocane starkly illustrates the need for treatment rather than punishment (link)

LECTURE: Dr Gwen Adshead - Reith Lecture 2024 #1 (This is brilliant! (link)

BOOK: What Happened to You? Conversations on Trauma, Resilience and Healing by Bruce Perry & Oprah Winfrey (link)

BOOK: Working with Troubled Children and Teenagers by Jonny Matthew (link)

PREVIOUS BLOG: Avoidable Tragedy: What We Can Learn From Axel Rudakubana (and the Southport tragedy) (link)

Subscribe & Follow?

You can join the email list for this blog publication here. Your information is safe and you can unsubscribe anytime very easily.

If you want these posts sent straight to your inbox, click the blue subscribe button below.

You can also “Like” this site on Facebook or connect with me on LinkedIn or Twitter. The voiceovers (though not for this post) are also on YouTube and Spotify. (NB: my Pinterest account was hacked and is now permanently offline).

©️ Jonny Matthew 2025

INTRODUCTION

Despite being still in a period of suspension from my usual blogging schedule (ongoing family issues) I couldn’t resist sending something out following yesterday’s published review into the Ammanford Stabbings.

I have a more thoughtful opinion piece coming out in the autumn, but thought some of the info I put together yesterday might be useful to you guys.

So here it is…

There's a bunch of links and documents below, too, but here are the bits I found/made yesterday while trying to get my head around it all:

MAPF REPORT: MAPF Incident Review – Ysgol Duffryn Aman (link)

POWERPOINT summary of the main lessons to be learned (link) *

ONE-PAGE SUMMARY PDF of the same information (link) *

Where next?

This case, like many others of its kind, throws up all sorts of questions about what might usefully change to avert future incidents of this kind.

Among the initial things that struck me were:

A review of the Prevent referral criteria and what might be done with those people who don’t quite meet it but are nonetheless a concern. Or those that meet criteria but don’t consent to intervention

More intervention providers to be available to the Police and Prevent Panels to engage with people of interest - this may ‘allow’ more people to meet threshold and get the help needed

Appropriate increased funding to deploy such professionals who can build links with people of interest and help avert possible future incidents/offences

A review of when and how youth offending teams might usefully be deployed as intervention providers for sub-threshold Prevent candidates, even when no offence or previously recognised ‘prevention’ work is indicated

Provision of fast-tracked risk and ND assessments to be available for people deemed in need and who might also be in or on the cusp of Prevent, where their (suspected) neurodiversity may play a role, for example

Consideration of improved information-sharing between agencies… as always!

Please add your own thoughts in the comments!

FINAL THOUGHTS

Yet again, a young person with clear and evident needs has slipped through the net. Sadly, it’s often the criminal justice system that catches them, as it’s the system of last resort.

Learning the lessons such that we improve inter-agency working and the help available to people of interest-particularly children-as never been more important.

It beats why we are content to have a system that confines children to custody for crimes instead of changing things to get them the help they need. That would be a win/win - the public isn’t harmed and childhoods are not sacrificed on the altar of systemic inadequacies…

See you in the next one!

More information:

* I used ChatGPT to do the initial summarising, so this won’t entirely avert the need to read the report in full (but it’s quicker!)

See Jonny’s temporary website - here

MAPF REPORT: MAPF Incident Review – Ysgol Duffryn Aman (link)

WEB ARTICLE: Case summary and sentencing - BBC article (link)

BOOK: Children As Risk by Anne-Marie MacAlinden (link) best book I’ve read on risk as it relates to children. It’s about HSB/CSE but the principles speak to ‘child crime’ in general, in my view.

PREVIOUS BLOG: Punishment Doesn’t Work for Troubled Kids - Do This Instead… (link)

PREVIOUS BLOG: The case of Valdo Calocane starkly illustrates the need for treatment rather than punishment (link)

LECTURE: Dr Gwen Adshead - Reith Lecture 2024 #1 (This is brilliant! (link)

BOOK: What Happened to You? Conversations on Trauma, Resilience and Healing by Bruce Perry & Oprah Winfrey (link)

BOOK: Working with Troubled Children and Teenagers by Jonny Matthew (link)

PREVIOUS BLOG: Avoidable Tragedy: What We Can Learn From Axel Rudakubana (and the Southport tragedy) (link)

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©️ Jonny Matthew 2025

Context

Just before midday, on 29th July 2024, three little girls were killed while attending a Taylor Swift-themed dance and yoga event in Southport, North West England. Two adults were very seriously injured and eight other children, five of them critically.

Introduction

The sentencing of Axel Rudakubana this week has provoked the usual pantheon of incredulity and rage - and all points in between. Of course it did. The utter tragedy his actions visited on three little girls, their families, injured and traumatised friends, teachers and neighbours echoed around the nation.

On hearing what he did, it felt like the whole country took a sharp intake of breath - it was so crass, pointless, alien to our humanity and utterly devastating.

Understandable Outrage

As always in such cases, the media, justice system and public ‘vox pop’ focus is on the killer, the killings themselves and whether or not he got what he deserved.

On this last point, with tiresome inevitability, the broad conclusion is that he…

…deserved to be sentenced as an adult, but wasn’t

…deserved a whole life sentence, but only got 52 years, and

…he deserved to die, but he didn’t

And on it goes.

The anger is completely understandable; as is the need to find some semblance of meaning and to comprehend who would do such a thing. Sadly, all of this also drives the need for revenge - or, as people prefer to call it, ‘justice.’

Aside of whether it actually is justice that we seek, we all want to feel the episode is somehow closed with as much dignity and fairness as possible, given the horrors involved.

Othering

Axel Rudakubana’s actions on the 29th July 2024 were characterised by a lethal insanity of the sort that addles the minds of ordinary humans. It’s the very inhumanity of it that forces us to see him as ‘other’ than us - different, alien, ontologically distinct; a species apart, if you like.

Understandably, we want to make the chasm between how we see ourselves and someone ‘like him’, as wide as we can. We need to feel some distance between him and what he did, and us - because we’d never do that.

Of course we wouldn’t.

Any sound-minded decent person would agree, not least because we can’t get our heads around why someone would set out to kill children. But that’s exactly my point; our shock and outrage at what he did means we have to take refuge in believing that someone like that can’t possibly be anything like us; ergo, he must be something or someone other.

But I don’t think it’s good enough to dismiss what he did, to dismiss him, with sneering and contemptuous assertions that he’s mad; to ‘monsterfy’ him, if you will. Or even to simplistically depict him summarily as a ‘knifeman’ on a ‘rampage.’

The most published image of Rudakubana - taken after his arrest by Merseyside Police* - is one that seems to visually confirm his otherness and, perhaps incidentally, helps to justify the derision. Anyone looking like that, clearly isn’t anything like me.

We need to do this distancing. We need the space between us and him. The dissonance between what he did and how we see ourselves as people, is too great, too unbearable; so we widen the gap by othering. For all it’s tragic sadness, this is a natural and necessary psychological heuristic to keep us from being tarnished by anything we and he might share.

The elephant in the room

But obviously, there’s a lot more to it than that. Once the media hype and tabloid sensationalism has died down and the press wagon has moved on to the next thing, something will have to be done.

Even a cursory reading of the press coverage, highlights enough markers of concern for us to ask wider questions about ‘why’ it happened and what might be needed to improve responses to similar situations in future. But also on an individual level, we need to know what might have helped this boy such that the events of last summer were averted.

The presence of so many markers of concern should energise us to question not only the subjective chaos of a very troubled mind, but why we couldn’t prevent their escalation into such an unmitigated tragedy.

For example, things known about Rudakubana include:

Anger issues

Agoraphobia

Selective mutism

Obsession with homicidal dictators (Hitler, Genghis Khan)

Thinking, talking about and studying violence

Calling Childline

Being a victim of racist bullying

Feeling frightened and carrying a knife

Being ‘immediately and permanently’ excluded from school for admitting he carried a knife

Returning to school two months later to assault another child

Living with an autistic spectrum condition

Being referred to the Prevent programme - 3 times

Previous convictions for assault and possession of a bladed article

Local YOT involvement

Several incidents of Police involvement between May 2019 and October 2022…

…including his parents calling the police due to concerns about his behaviour…

…including a near miss when he tried to return to school with a knife

Assaulting his father and damaging the family car when his parents took his computer away

Numerous police calls to the multi-agency safeguarding hub (MASH)

And on it goes

Clearly this is not a child (and he was a child) that just upped and did something terrible out-of-the-blue. There was a long, clear and checkered history that led up to it all.

Subscribe now

Avoidable, but not yet…

The murders of Bebe King, Elsie Dot Stancombe and Alice da Silva Aguiar were unspeakably tragic and desperate. Perhaps the most irksome and utterly frustrating thing for those of us who work with serious crime involving children, is that they were avoidable, too.

‘The amount of information known before the murders about Rudakubana's violent obsessions has prompted serious questions over whether more could have been done to stop him.’ (BBC 22/1/25 - link)

Most weeks, my colleagues and I come across children who, if they aren’t contained, assessed and treated could very well go on to harm others - some of them very seriously.

The problem is, it seems to me, that there just isn’t the provision in our system to do the containing, so that the necessary stability, safety and professional expertise can be brought to bear.

Where do you contain, assess and treat a child who:

Has not (yet!) committed an offence serious enough to be remanded, but might harm others if they’re not helped?

Is not obviously mentally ill such that a section under the Mental Health Act could apply? Or

Who wouldn’t pass muster in the Family Court for a secure welfare order?

Many very troubled kids just fall between the stools of criminal, mental health and welfare responses, and so can’t be secured for the necessary stability to be put in place to allow a good assessment and planned response. There just isn’t the provision - legal or financial - to safely and securely hold kids like this so they can be properly assessed for the help they need.

So, just like Axel Rudakubana, there can be a pantheon of issues, concerns, markers and risky features on display, but there is no provision to address them.

Sorting THAT out is the priority - perhaps the most pressing social policy issue for troubled kids in the UK right now.

FINAL THOUGHTS

For what it’s worth, I don’t believe Axel Rudakubana was a monster or a born killer.

More likely, this was an extremely troubled child, seemingly for most if not all of his childhood, who didn’t get the help he needed, when he needed it - in time to prevent the catastrophe in Southport.

While we grieve with the victim’s families and deal with our need to ‘other’ the killer lest we’re tarnished by our shared inhumanity, let’s ask the question that really matters and seek to change the system to answer it:

Why was a child this troubled not able to get the help he needed to fulfil his potential?

And, at the same time, let’s hope that if we ever get desperate, really desperate, we get the help we need. Because I suspect that if I’d lived the childhood that he lived, with the problems and challenges he faced, I might not be that different after all…

See you in the next one!

More information:

WEB ARTICLE: BBC Online article about ‘red flags’ being repeatedly missed (link)

LISTENING: The BBC Reith Lectures 2024 by Dr Gwen Adshead - Lecture #4: Can We change Violent Minds? (link - the entire series is quite superb!)

PREVIOUS BLOG: Imprisoning Kids: Why Do We Punish When we Could Help?? (link)

PREVIOUS BLOG: Punishment Doesn’t Work…For Troubled Kids. Do This Instead (link)

* I took the decision not to publish the image here - it felt like I’d be playing into, even encouraging, the ‘evil’ mythic status and associated othering of a very needy 17 year old boy.

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Introduction

In the last post, we looked at the common phenomenon of self-blame - when children take on responsibility for the way others treat them.

We saw how abusive parenting and other such experiences can fundamentally skew the way a child perceives themself, through the development of a negative internal working model of who they are (internalised) and the dismissive, critical or blaming narratives of the adults around them (externalised).

Eventually, the child develops a sense of self that is self-blaming. This can remain the case throughout childhood and on into adulthood unless the right treatment is brought to bear and the right environment provided in which healing can occur.

So what can we do to help the kids we work with who blame themselves for other people’s sins?

Practical Strategies for Professionals

As always, not an exhaustive list by any means but some thoughts that might help us think about how to adapt practice to these kinds of children.

1. Create a Safe and Supportive Environment:

Establish Trust: Build a therapeutic relationship based on trust and safety, allowing children to express their feelings without fear of judgment.​ Only consistency can make this happen - kids have to believe we’re there for the long haul, that they have some agency in the process and that we believe in them and in their ability to move on - that they can do it! This sets the culture for whatever comes after.

Consistent Routines: Maintain predictable routines to provide a sense of stability.​ Meet on the same day at the same time each week, if you can. Use the same room, establish little routines between you that can act as markers of ‘how we do things’ when we’re together. On the TRM Training we call these ‘anchor points.’ This enhances a sense of belonging and ease that fuels honesty and encourages progress in the longer term.

2. Psycho-Education:

Normalise Reactions: Educate children about common responses to trauma, pointing out that self-blame is a common but unfounded reaction.​ Remember, most kids-particularly younger ones-have no idea that their struggles are as a result of what happened or that they are common reactions to difficult events. Gentle education can shine a light into these dark spaces, de-mystify some of the struggles and bring hope that progress is possible.

Clarify Responsibility: Reinforce, when the time is right, and always gently, that the responsibility for the traumatic event (one-off) or development (longer term) lies with others, not the child. ​’Others had control, you didn’t; so it can’t be your responsibility.’ Caution is needed here, of course, as children may balk at any sense that we’re blaming their parents - even the most insecure and damaging attachments retain great loyalty in many kids. So, while they may come to it eventually-hopefully they will-we need to be tentative and gentle as we introduce these ideas, allowing the child’s own presentation to signal their readiness.

3. Therapeutic Techniques:

Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (TF-CBT), EMDR, etc: Evidence-based approaches can really help children process traumatic experiences, begin to express difficult emotions and reframe distorted beliefs related to self-blame. ​But this work is highly skilled and should only be attempted in a thoughtful way by those fully qualified to use them - none of us should use our work as an experiment or to ‘try out’ things we’ve learned on a one day course (yes, it’s unbelievable, I know, but I witnessed this recently!). So only work within your skillset as defined by your training and qualifications.

Play, Music, Drama, Art…: Again, these are the domains of the properly trained and qualified among us, but non-directive techniques can be valuable in allowing children to begin to express what may have been hidden inside them for years. On a less intense level, playing with kids while we talk can help them engage, do away with that awkward eye contact across a table and promote a sense of fun and relaxation. Learn what this child likes and go with that; harness their preferences to help them engage and use whatever props and approaches they respond to best.

4. Encourage Emotional Expression:

Creative Outlets: As above, incorporating activities like drawing, storytelling or role-playing to help children express and process their emotions can be a massive help. ​Depending on the age of the child, the more verbally oriented approaches may or may not be best suited to what they need. Be flexible and prepared to adapt to what they’re comfortable with and go with that - there really is no substitute for a bit of trial and error when it comes to finding out what works for each individual child - as long as we do it gently.

5. Involve Caregivers:

Parental Support: Educate parents/caregivers about the impacts of trauma and the importance of reinforcing the child's innocence regarding the causes of their difficulties. As in point 2 above (clarify responsibility), emphasise to parents/caregivers that the child may need to be told repeatedly that they are not responsible; encourage them to do this subtly and plainly, making sure they maximise natural opportunities to do so, rather than nagging the child with a trite message.

Family Work: Facilitate sessions that improve communication and support within the family unit.​ Again, if this moves beyond the realm of basic discussions and working with individuals, we may be straying into the domain of family therapy. So let’s not go there unless we’re qualified to do so. But most of us can usefully spend time with different people in the child’s supportive network, to lend our weight and encouragement to their efforts and help them stay on track. Creating a positive, attuned and attentive home environment where caring adults notice and spend time with the child, is more than half the battle when it comes to unpicking the damage done in hostile times and places!

FINAL THOUGHTS

None of this stuff is rocket science. We all know how to do most of this without having to revise it in advance. For most of us, it’s probably more about reminding ourselves that kids recover well in a safe and supportive context - then doing whatever we can to promote that, to tweak and adjust things to best suit this child.

With all that in mind, the next post will expand things further and look at the role we play-as people-in children’s recovery and some of the things we can do to improve our readiness and facility to help. It’s when a child finds themself in both in the right context and with the right people that the magic really happens.

See you in the next one!

Listen on SPOTIFY here

More information:

DOWNLOAD: Trauma Recovery Model Schematic (free download - link)

PAPER: A Concept Analysis of Empathy by Theresa Wiseman (link)

BOOK: Working With Troubled Children & Teenagers by Jonny Matthew (link)

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If you want these posts sent straight to your inbox, click the blue subscribe button below.

You can also “Like” this site on Facebook or connect with me on LinkedIn or Twitter. The voiceovers are also on YouTube and Spotify.

©️ Jonny Matthew 2025

INTRODUCTION

In the last post and the one before that, we looked at the common phenomenon of self-blame - when children take on responsibility for the way others treat them.

In the first post we examined the issue itself, asking why kids blame themselves when, to us, it’s obvious that what happened wasn’t their fault. In the last post we began looking at what we can do to begin supporting kids to work through this and get things in a better perspective.

Today, I want to change the focus of ‘how we can help’ from the kids themselves on to us as individual professionals.

Practical Strategies for Professionals

As always, not an exhaustive list by any means but some thoughts that might help us think about how to adapt practice to these kinds of children.

1. Foster Resilience and Self-Compassion:

This first section is about the kids, but I felt it was also about us as people and how that goes on to impact the efficacy of the work - so I’ve included it here (rather than the previous post):

Strengths Identification: Help children recognise their strengths and highlight past instances of overcoming challenges.​ Often, we are so (rightly!) focused on the problems and associated safeguarding tasks that we miss the strengths in the child and their network. Helping kids to gain insight into how they’ve coped well, what this says about their ability to adapt and what it’s taught them, is a great way to rebalance the equation in their favour.

Self-Compassion Exercises: Teach kids practices that promote kindness toward themselves; counteracting feelings of blame and guilt in this way can really help. Reframing those negative verbal narratives that the child may have absorbed is a good place to start. For example, you could think through how the child speaks about themselves and notice the words they use; then reframe them gently to draw out and emphasise the good stuff! Do exercises that explore what the child can do, what they’re good at generally and take opportunities to offer gentle praise whenever you can.

N.B. Be sure to offer praise and encouragement in small doses and without language that is too exuberant! Remember, this is a kid who blames themselves for the awful stuff others have done. Their negative internal working model and critical self-narrative will over-power our efforts if we’re too lavish and over-the-top. Gentle, subtle, consistent positivity will eventually win out; but the winner is the one who can play the long game - so stay tentative and gentle and keep going.

2. Develop Your Own Knowledge - Reading & Review:

Read: Staying in touch with the latest research and practice thinking on child trauma is important if we are to stay current and offer kids the best chance of recovery. When training professionals I often ask therm, ‘when did you last read a book or research paper that relates directly to the work you do with kids?’ The averted eyes and sideways, downward glances give people away - for most of us it’s far too long ago. Why not resolve to read a bit more? Set yourself an achievable goal and give it a shot - if my experience is anything to go by, you’ll find it stimulating and thought-provoking, not to mention the evident improvement in knowledge and practice confidence. Go for it!

Review Practice: After a tricky session or one that’s gone well, take time to review what happened, why it did/didn’t work and what you can learn from it and/or improve next. Dan Hughes’ PACE idea is great structure for this, I find. Or you can use the TRM (pdf link) to check the alignment of the child’s needs with your practice focus.

3. Develop Your Own Knowledge - Training:

Courses: There are loads of good training and learning opportunities available these days. Even if your employer has a limited budget, many online courses are now half a day or a couple of hours long and therefore more affordable, If you’re really committed, you could consider paying for some of this yourself. Try places like Slide Share for PowerPoint slides shared by others for free. Or Eventbrite and other training platforms where professionals and agencies give access to training and learning opportunities.

Investment Mindset: Training is pricey sometimes. And while agencies should be picking up the tab for the essential stuff we need to do our jobs, they rarely go beyond that - budgets just don’t allow. So, a long time ago now, I took it on myself to pay for training I felt would help me do a better job. Paying for a course yourself is one thing, but using your annual leave to attend is another thing altogether - so I also took to asking my employer to allow me the time-off to attend - so I pay for the course and they let me have the time; that way there’s no impact on my annual leave. Yes, it costs; but in the end, it means I’ve had some fantastic training I never would have had if I’d waited for someone else to pay! Give it some thought…

4. Look After Yourself:

Three things here:

- Recognise the Potential Toll: Helping children come to terms with and start processing their traumatic histories can have a real impact on us - those trying to help. Recognising this is a valuable safeguard against secondary trauma and the deleterious effects it can have…

- Try My Little Online Self-Care Course: I wrote a little book on self-care after a serious brush with burnout. This developed further into an online course during lockdown when it was in high demand. If you want to know more about the pitfalls of vicarious trauma and the solutions that can help avert it, check it out here.

- You Matter! We can’t be optimally effective in helping others if we neglect our own needs and take home the stress and trauma of the kids at work. Most of the progress these kids make will happen in the context of positive relationships - that’s you! So the need to stay strong, avoid burnout and be on your best game is imperative - so be sure to look after yourself, too.

Instilling Hope: The Path to Recovery

It's imperative to convey to both children and their caregivers that recovery from trauma is not only possible but probable with appropriate support and interventions. Children possess remarkable resilience and, with the right guidance, they can navigate through the pain, shed the toxic self-blame and emerge stronger. As professionals, our role is to encourage this process, offering tools, empathy and unwavering support along the way, to facilitate their healing wherever we can.

By implementing these and other strategies and fostering an environment of understanding and compassion, we can make a profound difference in the lives of children burdened by self-blame, guiding them toward a future is more hopeful and offers possibilities that wouldn’t otherwise be available to them.

FINAL THOUGHTS

I’ve always struggled with seeing kids blaming themselves for the toxic horrible-ness others have inflicted on them - it both maddens me and saddens me.

It is an incredibly liberating realisation, though, that most kids will find their best chance of recovery in the context of safe, consistent and caring relationships. The solutions lie less in clever techniques and fancy new-fangled approaches, but more in the reliability and skill of someone who really cares - I can do that. And so can you.

So maybe the best way to really help troubled kids - whatever the problem - is to get better at our jobs and release more of our raw human kindness into the mix?

See you in the next one!

Listen on SPOTIFY here

More information:

DOWNLOAD: Trauma Recovery Model Schematic (free download - link)

PAPER: A Concept Analysis of Empathy by Theresa Wiseman (link)

BOOK: Working With Troubled Children & Teenagers by Jonny Matthew (link)

Subscribe & Follow?

You can join the email list for this blog publication here. Your information is safe and you can unsubscribe anytime very easily.

If you want these posts sent straight to your inbox, click the blue subscribe button below.

You can also “Like” this site on Facebook or connect with me on LinkedIn or Twitter. The voiceovers are also on YouTube and Spotify.

©️ Jonny Matthew 2025

Introduction

Have you ever wondered why some people blame themselves for things other people did to them; things that are just not their fault? Yeh, me too!

I’ve long since lost count of the number of children I’ve worked with whose lives continue to be blighted, not only by the awful things done to them by others but by an additional burden of blame they lay on themselves.

From the viewpoint of someone who hasn’t suffered in this way, it seems nuts - why on earth would you even think you were responsible for what they did to you, never mind form your self-identity around it and live like you’re doing penance!

But that’s the point - it’s neither a logical response to the trauma nor something our imagined objectivity can help us understand.

Origins of Self-Blame and Internalised Anger

Troubled kids almost always grow up in situations that skew their development. In other words, what ‘happened’ to them is much more than a one-off or episodic event. More usually it’s something that sets and effects the very context in which they grow.

It effects everything.

So a child growing up in an environment lacking in empathy, for example, will develop coping mechanisms to the current situation that persist right through into adulthood. They won’t develop empathy itself in the way children in more stable and loving environments will.

Two problems ensue:

1. The child lacks the huge benefits that empathic parenting affords - for example, good co-regulation, a positive internal working model that they’re valuable and loved, trust for other people, etc.

2. The child doesn’t learn to be empathic towards others. Empathy is not something learned cognitively, like facts or information; it is felt. If you haven’t felt empathy you’re unlikely to develop and be able to show empathy.

Negative narratives of the child

Parents and others who ‘care’ for kids in ways that are abusive, neglectful, inconsistent, etc. often add to their woes by speaking negatively to the child about the child. In other words, parents/carers say things like:

‘You’re a pain in the…’ (fill in the blank)

‘I wish you’d never been born’ or ‘Why were you born?’

‘Can’t you just shut up and leave me alone’

‘I hate you, you make life so…’ (fill in the blank). etc.

You get the idea.

In other words, the child’s narrative of themselves, given to them by the parent, is a blaming narrative in which the child is cast as the protagonist; the problem is not the abusive or inadequate parenting, it’s the child themselves.

So as the child begins to develop language, which in turn drives cognition, they ‘learn’ a sense that they are the problem. They begin to adopt the parent/s narrative for themselves. Some kids will begin to say the same things about themselves that the parent does or, more often in my view, they internalise it, adding to the negative internal working model they formed in the pre-verbal phase of their development. All the self-focused negativity just keeps on being confirmed and consolidated.

So far, so bad

For a child to accept that their caregivers—supposed sources of love and protection—are instead sources of distress can be overwhelming; it’s just too much to take on. To survive emotionally, they may internalise the idea that they are at fault, finding this less terrifying than facing the reality of unsafe family members or caregivers.

As time progresses, this imbibed sense of the self as the problem, will begin to emerge in speech and behaviour that makes them stand out - and not in a good way.

Key points so far:

1. Empathy-Lacking Environments: Children in emotionally dismissive, abusive or hostile environments often resort to self-blame as a coping strategy. They inherit this from the poor attachment piece (internal & non-verbal) and from the caregivers’ overtly negative narrative - what they say about the child (external and verbal).

2. Denial of Emotional Needs: Accepting caregivers' narratives helps children avoid confronting the painful reality of emotional neglect or abuse. Arguably, it’s ‘easier’ for the child to accept themselves as the problem than it is to confront the fact that they have abusive parent/s. This suppresses the child’s emotional need for love and affection from those closest to them.

3. Misplaced Control: Self-blame provides a false sense of control, as children believe changing themselves can prevent further harm. They may become labile, suffering swings of emotion, all the time striving to capture some sense of agency over how they feel and how others treat them - with the obvious problems this brings.

Adaption - The Mechanism Behind Self-Blame

For vulnerable children, realising their powerlessness is unbearable. Self-blame offers an illusion of understanding and control: if they're at fault, they can potentially ‘fix’ themselves and fix ‘it’ (the situation) to avoid further abuse and garner the much sought-after affection.

This flawed mechanism makes ‘sense’ to the child trying to adapt to survive and to curry the favour of those closest to them; it provides a semblance of relative safety in an unpredictable environment.

In this situation, the child has no time or opportunity to settle and become the person he or she really is!

💡 "The child has a primary need to be regarded and respected as the person he really is at any given time, and as the centre—the central actor—in his own activity. This highlights how self-blame arises when a child's authentic self is not recognised or respected.” Alice Miller - Psychiatrist

Consequences of Self-Directed Anger

While self-blame helps the child avoid the realities around them and hold on to the illusion of loving parents, it misdirects anger and confusion inwards. This misdirection leads to a cycle of self-directed aggression, shame and maintains a negative and distorted self-perception.

- Now and later on:

Left untreated, a child in this situation will adapt to survive, but will form a skewed sense of self, believing they are to blame for problems, constantly falling short of expectations and feeling unworthy or unlovable. And so the cycle goes on…

The child takes on the narratives of the abuser/s, both internally and externally.

Some will kick against this toxic mix and display anger, aggression even violence towards others (our prisons are full of people like this).

Others will develop chronic low/negative self-esteem and the internalising of constantly disparaging narratives takes root and bears the poisonous fruit of self-loathing

Later on, these kids become adults who self-blame and may take on excessive responsibility in relationships, accepting blame for issues beyond their control: ‘it must be me’; ‘it’s probably my fault.’

FINAL THOUGHTS

If you work with troubled kids, whatever the setting and whatever your role, you will doubtless recognise many of your service users in this account.

Breaking free from self-blame involves reclaiming your life narrative from distortions sown in the throes of trauma and abuse - no easy task. While challenging, this process can lead to self-understanding, compassion and a more fulfilling life, it can be a long and difficult road to travel; one most people will not achieve without help.

For those of us working with troubled kids we do well to remember the power of active, respectful listening and tons of empathy in gaining trust and gaining permission to help kids along their healing journeys.

Next time, we’ll look a bit more closely at what we can do to help.

See you in the next one!

Listen on SPOTIFY here

More information:

PAPER: A Concept Analysis of Empathy by Theresa Wiseman (link)

BOOK: Working With Troubled Children & Teenagers by Jonny Matthew (link)

Subscribe & Follow?

You can join Jonny’s mailing list here. Your information is safe and you can unsubscribe anytime very easily.

If you want these posts sent straight to your inbox, click the blue subscribe button below.

You can also “Like” this site on Facebook or connect with me on LinkedIn or Twitter. The voiceovers are also on YouTube and Spotify. (NB: my Pinterest account was hacked and is now permanently offline).

©️ Jonny Matthew 2025

INTRODUCTION

In the last post, we began looking at Object Permanence (OP) - the understanding that objects (including people) continue to exist even when they are not visible.

We said that it’s is an early, fundamental milestone in cognitive development that infants largely acquire in the months before they can speak - usually by the time they’re around 8 months to a year old.

We looked at some of the problems this brings with it if a child doesn’t develop OP in the usual way: these include various things that roughly fall into the areas of emotional and cognitive development - see last week’s post for more on this if you missed it.

Today, I want to shift things a little more positively and look at some ideas of things to do and ways of being when we’re working with kids, that can help them recover some of the lost ground around object permanence.

Strategies for Supporting Teenagers with Delayed Object Permanence

Teenagers who did not fully develop object permanence may be more clingy, insecure or demanding of attention than their peers - in some cases, to the degree where they behave more like a child who is much younger. But there are things we can do to support these kids:

Consistent Communication:

Regular Check-Ins: Maintain frequent and predictable communication to reassure the teenager of your presence and support. This is particularly helpful in residential or foster care settings, where the presence of the adult/s may need to be reinforced - sometimes constantly; at least for a while. Being especially live to this issue is important when children have just moved home and may need more grace than most kids their age (e.g. who are just moving house with their family) to get used to a new place and new people.

Clear Expectations: Set and communicate clear plans and routines to provide a sense of stability - and then stick to them; following through with the plan is key! Involve children in decision-making as much as possible, don’t change things without warning (especially at the last minute) and if you do have to change things, don’t dismiss their reactions to it - it feels genuinely unsafe! Lean in, empathise and be kind.

Use of Visual Aids:

Calendars and Timetables: Be creative with visual schedules, calendars and/or routines to help them anticipate events and understand timeframes. Pictures work better than words for some kids, so adapt to suit them. It’s a lot easier to drop in a gentle reminder about something visible and explicit, than it is to verbally keep cuing them up - the latter relies on them holding things (appointments, etc.) in their heads, which they may not be great at if this has been an issue for a long time.

Photographs: Use pictures of family members, friends, carers and familiar places to reinforce the continuity of people and places - these little visual cues being constantly on display can help keep kids settle and remind them that things continue even when not immediately and obviously present. This can work well is residential and foster care settings, too, especially at the beginning where kids are trying to familiarise themselves.

Jean Piaget, 1975. ©FARRELL GREHAN/CORBIS/GETTY IMAGES

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Gradual Separation Practices:

Short Absences: Practice brief separations followed by returns to build a sense that absences are temporary - leave the room but keep talking as you do so - this can show kids that you are there, even thought they can’t see you (because they can hear you). Or just say, ‘I’m nipping into the kitchen to… I’ll be back in two minutes.’ Just make sure you do come back in a timely way - don’t be distracted or let things drift. Don’t respond negatively if they follow you, though; they may need to do this for a while before they can handle the visible separation - but it’ll come. Let them determine the pace of things.

Transitional Objects: Encourage the use of items like a favourite object to provide comfort during separations or leave something of yours with the child while your away - a hanky, a pen, anything; it’s the fact that it’s yours that matters, not what the thing is. Photos in their bag or wallet or on the home screen of their phone can help, too (though teenagers will want to be cool, so they might resist that last one!). So something of the person, place or whatever goes with me - I don’t need the present visual reality to be with me because I have this representation of it, to help me build and maintain a mental representation.

Positive Reinforcement:

Practice Independence: Gently praise and encourage independent activities to help build confidence - don’t be too lavish, though; little and often is good. By focusing on independent play, kids can start to physically and cognitively (consciously-mentally) disconnect from the parent/s or carer/s, before reconnecting again when the the adult is present or they resume a joint activity. This repeated cycle of ‘leave and return’ can help build a sense of safe absence from the parent in a context of constant reconnection.

Celebrate Progress: Recognise and reward efforts in coping with separations or changes. Simple behaviourism still has a place! Caution is needed here, though, to avoid linking any reward to subjective feelings of distress or toxic disconnection. Again, just gently encouraging progress of this kind helps to underline to the child that being alone, playing independently or just being OK while the adult is absent, ends in positivity - not only does the adult return but they do so with praise and encouragement.

Professional Support:

Experienced Input: Consider engaging with a child psychologist, psychiatrist or psychotherapist specialising in developmental delays and attachment issues; your local GP should be able to point you in the right direction or check out the British Psychological Society website ‘find a psychologist’ tool for somewhere to start. Even a short consultation with someone familiar with and qualified in child development like this could yield some useful practical advice to get you started.

Support Groups: More informally, you can connect with community groups for caregivers and children facing similar challenges to share experiences and strategies as well as to not feel alone in the struggle. The major fostering organisations would be a good place to start - see the links below for some pointers.

By implementing these kinds of strategies consistently and patiently, we can provide the necessary support to kids struggling with object permanence, fostering a more secure and confident developmental progression.

Final thoughts

I was practicing for many years with troubled kids before I cottoned on to the concept of OP and how important it is in child development - it took even longer to think through and learn from others what can be done about it. But once you see it, it can be really helpful in understanding what’s going on for some children and in steering our work to encourage recovery.

Of course, OP is part of a broader, more complex developmental picture; but thinking through what it feels like to be a child who struggles to hold people and things ‘in mind’ is a valuable insight, I believe.

In the end, as always, if you don’t entirely know what to do: lean in, empathise and be kind!

See you in the next one!

🎧 Listen on SPOTIFY here 🎧

More information:

PREVIOUS BLOG: ‘Object Permanence: what it is, why it matters and how it can go wrong (link)

WEB PAGE: The Fostering Network - providing advice and information to prospective and approved foster carers (link)

WEB PAGE: CoramBAAF (formerly the British Association for Adoption and Fostering - link)

WEB ARTICLE: Simply Psychology article on object permanence and Piaget’s blanket and ball study (hidden toy) - (link)

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If you want these posts sent straight to your inbox, click the blue subscribe button below.

You can also “Like” this site on Facebook or connect with me on LinkedIn or Twitter. The voiceovers are also on YouTube and Spotify. (NB: my Pinterest account was hacked and is now permanently offline).

©️ Jonny Matthew 2025

INTRODUCTION

A 13 year old anxious toddler?

I recently observed a young man in a residential setting who seemed genuinely unable to leave his carers alone.

If they got up to go into the kitchen (or anywhere else for that matter) he followed.

When they went to the bathroom, he would stand outside and talk to them through the door!

He stood uncomfortably close during conversations or even if there was no discussion going on at all - often just standing with the side of his body right up against the adult’s body, rather than at a discreet distance or across the room.

He did lots of hugging, including spontaneously walking across a room to hug a person who’d been there the whole time, as if physical contact was necessary to convince him they were there and all was well.

He is a ‘school-refuser’, (not a term I like) preferring to stay at home. When the home tutor comes to work with him he likes a member of care staff in the room, too. And on it went…

My conclusion? That (among other things) he had not properly developed what psychologists call ‘object permanence.’

What Is Object Permanence?

Object permanence (OP) is the understanding that objects (including people) continue to exist even when they are not visible. It is an early, fundamental milestone in cognitive development that infants largely acquire in the months before they can speak - usually by the time they’re around 8 months to a year old.

If a child’s development is such that they are not able to acquire object permanence - at least not fully or in a balanced way - this can lead to problems later. In a general sense, this may leave them insecure, anxious and/or with memory or learning problems. More on this later…

The Development of Object Permanence in Infants

Sensorimotor Stage (Birth to ~2 years): According to Jean Piaget, infants develop object permanence during the early part of the sensorimotor stage, which lasts from birth to around two years of age. More recent studies suggest OP may be at least partially developed as early as 3-4 months old (e.g. Baillargeon & De Vos, 1991). Whichever is right, there is wide agreement that it’s development is early - within the first year.

Progression:

Birth to 4 Months: Infants primarily interact with people and objects through reflexive actions and do not yet understand that they exist before and/or after that immediate moment. So we may be playing with a teddy bear: the child has little or no sense of the teddy existing (or had ‘being’) before the play began or after it ends. It’s here now and that’s all there is.

4 to 8 Months: Babies begin to recognise that objects have continuity; they may reach for partially hidden items for example, indicating an emerging awareness and the beginning of cause and effect reasoning (i.e. ‘I can’t see all of the teddy, but what I can see suggests there’s more there that I can’t see’; ergo the whole teddy exists).

8 to 12 Months: Infants start to actively search for completely hidden objects, demonstrating a developing sense of object permanence - e.g. the pre-verbal equivalent of, ‘I can’t see the teddy but I think it might be in this toy box.’ The teddy popping up and making the child jump - i.e. during a game of ‘peekaboo’) is no longer funny when the child knows that the teddy is being held behind the parent’s back; that knowing is object permanence.

In other words, at this point, the child’s reaction - or lack of it - is a clear demonstration that they have attained some mental representation of the teddy (it’s not a visual recognition because the teddy is visible, but it is now held in mind - a mental representation), despite not being able to see it. That’s why the teddy’s reappearance during peekboo just isn’t funny any more!

OK, so that’s broadly what OP is. Lets look at what it’s absence might bring

Impact of Not Developing Object Permanence

Though on it’s own, object permanence is just one aspect of child development, failure to develop it can contribute to challenges in cognitive and emotional development, for example (as always, nowhere near an exhaustive list!):

Attachment Issues: Difficulty in forming secure attachments due to an unstable perception of the caregiver's presence. This can then extend into later development, bringing with it relationship difficulties like problems with trust, a tendency not to ask for help or perceiving adults (particularly in caregiving roles) as unreliable.

Separation Anxiety: Without understanding that caregivers continue to exist when out of sight, infants may experience heightened distress during separations. Again, it’s the absence not only of the adult themselves (physically and visually) but of any mental representation of the adult, that leaves the child that bit more bereft.

Cognitive Delays: Children may experience delays in the development of memory and perception of the environment. Difficulty in forming and retaining mental representations of objects and people can hinder problem-solving skills and abstract thinking later on. It can also impact the development of working memory - if a child struggles to form mental representations of things and people, then keeping them in mind - remembering - can also be affected.

Learning Difficulties: In extremis, a chronic lack of object permanence (and associated attachment and other issues) may contribute to learning difficulties, such that they struggle with tasks which relay on working memory and/or spatial awareness. These are likely to be less obvious at first - than separation anxiety, for example - but may develop over time and become apparent later on. If you can’t employ working memory very well, then your ability to take full advantage of learning (both at home and in school) is also compromised, potentially.

So, those are some of the broad areas that can be affected if the milestone of object permanence isn’t achieved in a timely way. Now to look at a few ideas for what we can do to support children and caregivers where this might be an issue - with a particular emphasis on teenagers (cos that’s my thang!).

Final thoughts

Separating out one aspect of child development like we have here isn’t ideal because children develop across a range of domains all at the same time. But understanding single aspects, like OP, can help us to help kids more effectively.

Another of my conclusions from observing the 13 year old toddler I mentioned in the introduction, was that his behaviour was absolutely exhausting for his carers - they got very little peace and neither did he. But understanding his needs in a developmental way like this, meant they were more able to remain patient and put in place some strategies to help him recover the lost ground from his early years.

To this end, in the next post, I’m going to share some ideas and strategies we can use at work or at home, that can help kids to recover some of the ground they’ve lost or missed around this.

See you in the next one!

🎧 Listen on SPOTIFY here 🎧

More information:

MORE ABOUT PIAGET: …from Wikipedia about the man(link) …and his theory (link)

PAPER: Object Permanence in Young Infants: Further Evidence by Baillargeon & De Vos (1991 - link to abstract)

BOOK: What About Me - Inclusive Strategies to Support Pupils With Attachment Difficulties Make it Through the School Day by Louise Bombèr (link)

WEB PAGE: The Fostering Network - providing advice and information to prospective and approved foster carers (link)

WEB PAGE: CoramBAAF (formerly the British Association for Adoption and Fostering - link)

WEB ARTICLE: Simply Psychology article on object permanence and Piaget’s blanket and ball study (hidden toy) - (link)

Subscribe & Follow?

You can join Jonny’s mailing list here. Your information is safe and you can unsubscribe anytime very easily.

If you want these posts sent straight to your inbox, click the blue subscribe button below.

You can also “Like” this site on Facebook or connect with me on LinkedIn or Twitter. The voiceovers are also on YouTube and Spotify. (NB: my Pinterest account was hacked and is now permanently offline).

©️ Jonny Matthew 2025

INTRODUCTION

The very first paper to drop into my inbox in 2025 was this one, from Kathy Hampson about why locking up children is a bad idea and needs radical change.

I loved it!

Why It’s Time to Abolish Detention and Training Orders in Youth Justice

When children and young people come into contact with the criminal justice system, the focus should be on rehabilitation, support and creating opportunities for positive change. Yet, in England and Wales, Detention and Training Orders (DTOs) remain a common sentencing option, despite mounting evidence that they are harmful, expensive and largely ineffective in reducing reoffending.

In this post, I’m using Kathy Hampson and Anne-Marie Day’s paper to summarise the harm caused by DTOs, suggest why they should be abolished and to look at how youth justice and other practitioners can advocate for better alternatives.

Firstly, the basics…

What is a Detention and Training Order (DTO)?

DTOs are short custodial sentences given to children aged 12–17. They can last between 4 months and 2 years, with half the sentence served in custody and the other half under supervision in the community.

Introduced as part of the Crime and Disorder Act 1998, DTOs were intended to combine detention with education and training, to prepare young people for reintegration into society.

However, the reality is far removed from this. Research has consistently shown that the educational and rehabilitative provisions during DTOs are inadequate and the custodial experience often exacerbates the difficulties these children faced in the community, rather than resolving them.

THE CASE AGAINST DTOs

As always, this is not an exhaustive treatment of the subject, but just some thoughts springing from Kathy and Anne-Marie’s paper and more than a few years of working within a very frustrating youth justice legislative framework.

The title of the paper gives away the essence of their argument, namely: that DTOs are ‘harmful, expensive and criminogenic.’

1. A Breach of Children’s Rights

The United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child (UNCRC - article 37) is clear: detention of children should be used, "only as a measure of last resort and for the shortest appropriate period of time." Despite this, DTOs are frequently handed down for relatively minor offences and many children remanded in custody do not go on to receive a custodial sentence at all. This highlights a clear failure to apply the principle of ‘last resort.’

Indeed, the current sentencing arrangements allow for custody to be a first resort in the youth court, if the offence is serious enough.

Furthermore, children with neurodivergent conditions, special educational needs and those from minority ethnic backgrounds are disproportionately affected by DTOs. While all children should have access to assessment of their capacity to participate in the court process, this rarely happens and, in my experience, is often ridden rough-shod over even when requested by professionals.

The system is not only failing to protect vulnerable children—it’s actively compounding their disadvantages and, at times, flagrantly contravening their rights.

2. The Moral Argument

Children’s brains are still developing, particularly in areas related to decision-making, impulse control and emotional regulation (i.e. ‘top down’ executive functions). This means they are more likely to make poor decisions, or react reflexively without ‘deciding’ anything, without fully understanding the consequences. DTOs fail to account for this developmental reality.

Additionally, many children in the youth justice system have experienced significant trauma, neglect and/or other adverse childhood experiences. Placing these children in punitive environments can deepen their trauma and lead to further behavioural difficulties.

In my view, this is particularly the case where a child has suffered disrupted attachment; to then be cut off from everything familiar can further the damage and significantly limit the hope of rehabilitation, at least while inside.

For girls, the situation seems to be even more concerning. Though they represent only a small percentage of those in custody, the rates of self-harm and use of force against girls in detention are disproportionately high. This, along with the earlier point about attachment, means that DTOs are not just failing—they are actively harming some of society's most vulnerable children.

Source: YJB Stats. p6 - Flows Through the Youth Justice System year ended March 2023

3. Ineffectiveness in Reducing Reoffending

One of the primary goals of the youth justice system is to prevent reoffending. For the first time in 8 years, the overall re-offending rate increased in the last year - though only by 0.9% - to 32.2% (the first time since 2014. YJB Stats. p51)

For custody the picture is bleaker still - much bleaker - at 70.3% for sentences under 12 months and 56.4% for sentences of 12 months to 4 years (UK Post p13). So, overall, children leaving custody have some of the highest reoffending rates of any sentencing outcome, with nearly 60% reoffending within a year of release.

Custody disrupts education, fractures family relationships, isolates children from positive influences and often induces negative-even traumatic-effects. It also exposes them to environments where negative behaviours can be reinforced. In contrast, community sentences have been shown to be far more effective in addressing the root causes of offending and reducing reoffending.

I summary, short term custody doesn’t address reoffending effectively in children - it’s practically useless in terms of rehabilitation and in lots of cases makes the situation worse, not least around the mental health of the kids themselves.

4. The Financial Cost

Youth custody is staggeringly expensive. A place in a Young Offender Institution (YOI) costs around £130,000 per year, while Secure Training Centres (STCs) and Secure Children’s Homes (SCHs) cost significantly more. Despite this immense financial investment, the outcomes remain poor.

Community-based interventions, on the other hand, are not only more cost-effective but also yield better results in terms of reducing reoffending and supporting positive child development.

According to the figures from the MoJ (Hansard) the costs for children and young offenders are considerably higher (brackets mine):

- Young Offender Institutions (YOIs): £129,333.58 per year (£354.33 p/day; £2480.37 p/week )

- Secure Training Centres (STCs): £305,892.40 per year (£838.06 p/day; £5866.42 p/week)

- Secure Children's Homes (SCHs): £299,459.47 per year (£820.43 p/day; £5743.05 p/week)

So neither we (society) or the child and their family are getting any value for money from putting kids in custody - at least not on short sentences. Also, just think what that kind of spend could do to support families in the community if it was routed to services based in the community.

5. A Contradiction of ‘Child First’ Principles

The Youth Justice Board’s ‘Child First’ approach emphasises treating children as children, focusing on strengths, collaborative working, and minimising stigma. DTOs are fundamentally at odds with these principles. They prioritise punishment over rehabilitation and reinforce the very stigma the Child First approach seeks to avoid.

WHAT ARE THE ALTERNATIVES TO DTOs?

The good news is that effective alternatives already exist. Youth Rehabilitation Orders (YROs), with options such as Intensive Supervision and Surveillance (ISS) or Intensive Fostering, offer robust community-based responses to offending.

These approaches allow children to remain in their communities, maintain family connections, continue their education and receive tailored support from youth justice professionals. Countries like Sweden, Denmark and Japan have shown that it’s possible to reserve custodial sentences for only the most serious offences while prioritising community-based interventions for others.

What Can Youth Justice Practitioners Do?

Youth justice practitioners play a critical role in advocating for change and supporting children within the current system. Here’s what they can do:

Advocate for Legislative Change: Speak up about the harms of DTOs and push for policy reforms that align with ‘Child First’ principles.

Promote Community-Based Interventions: Work with courts and local authorities to champion Youth Rehabilitation Orders and other community alternatives.

Provide Trauma-Informed Support: Recognise the trauma and vulnerabilities many justice-involved children face and ensure interventions are sensitive to these experiences.

Build Strong Relationships: Build trust with children and their families, focusing on strengths rather than deficits.

Collaborate Across Services: Work closely with education, health and social services to provide holistic support.

FINAL THOUGHTS

DTOs are a relic of a punitive youth justice approach that has long been discredited. They fail to respect children’s rights, exacerbate vulnerabilities, cost enormous amounts of money and do very little to reduce reoffending.

By abolishing DTOs and investing in community-based interventions, we can create a system that truly prioritises the welfare, rights and future prospects of children in conflict with the law. For youth justice practitioners, policymakers and advocates, the call to action is clear: it’s time to move beyond DTOs and build a system rooted in care, compassion and effectiveness.

Let’s ensure custody is truly a measure of last resort—not a default response. If I had my way, we'd get rid of it altogether…

See you in the next one!

More information:

PAPER - Kathy Hampson & Anne-Marie Day’s paper: Harmful, Expensive and Criminogenic: The Case for Abolishing Detention and Training Orders in England and Wales (link)

PREVIOUS BLOG - Youth Justice - A Way Forward (Oct.2024 - link)

WEBPAGE - The UN Convention on the Rights of the Child (link)

PAPER - see UN General Comment 10 (link)

WEBPAGE - DTO Case Management Guidance (link)

WEBPAGE - Youth Justice Statistics for England & Wales 2022-23 (link)

WEBPAGE - UK Parliament Post: The use of short prison sentences in England and Wales (link)

WEBPAGE - Parliamentary question and answer about the costs of youth custody (link)

Subscribe & Follow?

You can join Jonny’s mailing list here. Your information is safe and you can unsubscribe anytime very easily.

If you want these posts sent straight to your inbox, click the blue subscribe button below.

You can also “Like” this site on Facebook or connect with me on LinkedIn or Twitter. (NB: my Pinterest account was hacked and is now permanently offline).

©️ Jonny Matthew 2025

INTRODUCTION

To save you some time, last week’s post about this latest report on marginalised children, summarised the content and recommendations.

This week I want to focus on what I think you and I, as practitioners with troubled kids, can do to lend our shoulders to the plough in effecting change.

This, of course, could easily fester into a book all on its own, so I’ve limited myself to things that came to mind as I read the report; those ‘yes, but what about…’ kind of moments. So, as always, it’s not an exhaustive list, but I did enjoy letting the brakes off a bit on these - I hope they encourage you!

Here goes.

3. What Can Practitioners Do to Help Marginalised Children?

Practitioners play a vital role in facilitating meaningful change with kids at the margins. Here are a few associated thoughts, provoked by the report (though not attributable to it) that might help to improve frontline care and support for these children (in no particular order):

1. Build and Maintain Trust:

Trust is foundational when working with marginalised kids.

Practitioners should demonstrate reliability, follow through on promises and show genuine care in their interactions. The idea of consistency, predictability and reliability (what we call ‘CPR’: in our TRM training) is key to this.

Consistency builds trust which gives us the ‘in’ we need to really help kids.The trouble is that lots of services simply don’t allow the time it takes for us to demonstrate consistency, which in turn means the kids don’t get to see us being consistent for long enough to allow trust to develop.

Putting an end to short term and/or time-limited interventions would help with this.

2. Active Listening:

Listening isn’t just about hearing; it’s about making children feel heard, valued and understood.

Create safe, non-judgmental spaces where children feel comfortable sharing their experiences. Making an effort to be proactive and visibly/obviously looking like we’re listening, can massively help with this, too.

One thing I often say when I’m teaching professionals in training on college or university courses is, ‘before you see the child, take a moment to think about what it would be like to see you coming’ - to a meeting, session, home visit, etc. - see yourself through their eyes. Then ask yourself, ‘if I were this child seeing me today, what would I want from me?’

I also think it’s useful to bring to mind briefly what we know about the child’s history so we go into the interaction in the correct mindset.

Getting back to a nationwide, community-based, fully-funded Youth Service would massively help towards this, in my view.

3. Adopt a Trauma-Informed Approach: (my soap-box issue, sorry!)

Understand how trauma shapes child development, fuels negative emotional states which, in turn, often underlie and drive behavioural problems - including crime (to name one of many).

Menu-based, off-the-shelf, manualised, generic, short-term interventions do NOT constitute TiP, in my view. There needs to be a clear and agreed philosophy-a model-that drives policy formation, funding allocation and service provision - our Trauma Recovery Model is one example.

I fear without a clear model to act as a reference point, a theory of change and an axis around which policy and practice can cohere, TiP will degenerate into just another catch-phrase bandwagon without soul or substance.

4. Prioritise Self-Care:

Supporting marginalised children is emotionally demanding. And so is working with them; but other than some of the health-professions (where it’s mandatory), there is no expectation of, or provision for professionals to receive support in the work. Certainly there’s nothing beyond a pastoral element to case management supervision which, though infinitely better than nothing, is not what we’re talking about here. This needs to change and has clear funding implications if/when it does.

In the meantime, practitioners probably need to invest in their own well-being, where necessary to prevent burnout and compassion fatigue wherever they can but, ultimately, this should be part of employers’ obligations and built into the system.

So, be kind to colleagues, look out for each other, opt out of macho working culture wherever you see it and, where you can, advocate for some form of reflective (if not clinical) supervision.

5. Advocate for Change:

Use your voice to highlight systemic barriers and failures. Practitioners are the best people to speak to power about what needs to change and to suggest alternatives, in my view. Data and research have their part to play, of course, but nothing beats getting up close and personal with kids and their families for giving a truly real world perspective.

Collaborate with other professionals to push for policy improvements. Make suggestions and communicate these up the food chain - as far up as you can. Make the arguments for practices that will do a better job for these kids, think creatively, identify good practice, get involved in research and lobby for more innovative practices that constantly improve outcomes.

In my experience, such interventions are nearly as always cheaper in the long run - but unless we make the arguments from a practice perspective things will change only very slowly.

6. Encourage Personal Development in Children:

Help children set realistic goals and develop their sense of agency. Interventions and outcomes that kids are invested in themselves, are far more likely to work. Kids are very good at knowing what they need (with obvious exceptions, of course) so harnessing that insight can really help us to formulate successful plans.

Foster resilience through small, achievable successes; learn to notice little-often minute-changes for the better, and point them out. Incremental changes are more tricky to notice and so often happen without fanfare. But if we can learn to notice these, bring them to the attention of the kids themselves and, where necessary to colleagues, everyone is encouraged. This in turn helps us persevere in the work. More importantly, it can give kids hope that even though change may be slow at times, it is happening!

7. Embrace Relational Practice:

Build authentic relationships as the basis for all interventions. I love this quote from Bruce Perry:

Remember, the major tool you have in helping others to change - is you. Relationships are the currency of change (Bruce Perry, What Happened To You, 2021)

Show consistency and commitment, even when progress feels slow - especially in the early stages of getting know a child when trust-building is everything. Hang in there, don’t give up. Let the kid know you believe in them and their ability-with your help-to push through to better things. Your hope gives them hope - if they know you and believe that you believe in them.

Back to my constantly repeated maxim of what to I try to do when you don’t know what to do: Lean in, empathise and be kind.

8. Provide Creative Outlets:

Use tools like art, music and play to help children process trauma and build confidence. Let them see your incompetence in things, have a laugh, try something new together - all the while using these opportunities to cross the bridge of your relationship to effect change.

Do all this carefully, of course, and stay in your professional lane (i.e. don’t experiment or dive into areas you don’t feel qualified or equipped to deal with) but think outside the box. Think about what the child likes, how they communicate, what kind of learner they are and so on. Then find new, creative and different ways to spend time, build relationship and help them develop.

9. Take Action:

Avoid getting stuck in bureaucracy—prioritise tangible action over endless discussion. I could seriously rant for a few thousand words here, but that’s exactly what we’re trying to avoid! Tick the boxes as quickly as you can and get out there with the child and do stuff.

Be proactive in finding solutions, even when challenges seem insurmountable. Push hard when you need the help of others. Make the arguments with managers and funders; basically, wherever possible, focus on the stuff that will move the dial, not on admin, process and talk. Action always speaks louder…

I’m mindful of the quote from Mark Twain used in last week’s post:

‘Actions speak louder than words but not nearly as often.’ (Mark Twain)

These strategies remind us that while systemic change is necessary, individual practitioners have immense power to make a difference in a child’s life.

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What’s missing?

Here are three quick things that stood out for me as being missing from the report that, if they were addressed, would go some way to bringing change on these issues (most of these are Wales specific but have currency elsewhere, too):

1. Get on and implement the Youth Justice Blueprint (in Wales)

This was first adopted in 2019 and is still largely caught up in the usual inertia that kills good policy. The blueprint would help bring youth justice further in line with recent science and effective practice for kids with complex trauma histories who find themselves on the wrong end of the law. It would also begin to address the nonsensical lack of appropriate secure accommodation for those kids in Wales who don’t neatly fit into the health, welfare or criminal secure categories - or skip between them without finding real help.

2. Stop messing with the private residential sector!

Local Authorities for years have tried and serially failed (for the most part) to provide long term, effective homes for the most complex children. That’s why they have turned to the voluntary and (more often?) private sector for help. Now the Welsh Government seems hell-bent on undermining this through some outdated, anti-profit idealism that owes more to an anachronistic, quasi-socialist view of the world than it does to modern, creative social policy. Of course, excessive profiteering from public money on the back of troubled kids is a disgrace. But we all know who the main culprits are and what to do to stop them. So don’t throw the good quality residential ‘baby’ out with the profiteering bath water, or there’ll be a lot of very vulnerable kids with nowhere to live.

Instead, listen to the sector - again, we all know who’s doing it right and who’s taking the proverbial - be creative, work out a better way, but do it with those who have expertise in the field.

3. Sort out services for neurodivergent kids

In my area the stated waiting time for children needing an ADHD assessment for example, is 3 years. 3 Years!

Information gathered in 2022 showed there were over 9000 children on the waiting list for an autism assessment. Given that these conditions can undermine a child’s confidence, relationships, ability to engage in education, etc. this is a priority.

Children who are properly assessed, diagnosed where necessary and in receipt of treatment do better - funnily enough! These kids are over represented in those known to have been exploited, notwithstanding the well documented mental health challenges that run alongside. So let’s have a concerted effort to implement some of the good ideas already in the public domain to fix this situation.

I could go on, but you get the idea.

A lot of work has been done-including this new report-to articulate the problems. For me, the job now is to get on and do some fixing!

Final Thoughts

The Children on the Margins report is pretty good, as it highlights the plight of groups of kids who often fall through the gaps. The recommendations have merit, too. But one things kept striking me as I read them - if the recommendations of previous investigations had been implemented-even partially-we wouldn’t need this report at all.

So, until the change we all want to see actually materialises, we have to crack on and do what we can do to effect change. We may be limited by our roles, by budgets, by systems and processes, but we can lean into kids, build relationships, listen to their needs and fight for their rights to have those needs met.

Decades ago when I did my training, that’s what social work was all about. I, for one, haven’t given up yet.

See you in the next one!

More information:

WEB PAGE: Children on the Margins - report download & information page (link)

WEB DOWNLOAD: A No Wrong Door Approach to Neurodiversity - Children’s Commissioner for Wales (link)

BOOK: Working With Troubled Children & Teenagers - my book on the values of good practice (link)

WEB DOWNLOAD: Youth Justice Blueprint for Wales (link)

WEB DOWNLOAD: Waiting Times for Assessment & Support for Autism, ADHD & Other Neurodevelopmental Conditions - England Children’s Commissioner (link)

Subscribe & Follow?

You can join Jonny’s mailing list here. Your information is safe and you can unsubscribe anytime very easily.

If you want these posts sent straight to your inbox, click the blue subscribe button below.

You can also “Like” this site on Facebook or connect with me on LinkedIn or Twitter. (NB: my Pinterest account was hacked and is now permanently offline).

Introduction

My first full day back from the Christmas and New Year break began when this landed in my inbox - a new report from the Welsh Government called, ‘Children on the Margins.’

Now having had time to read it, I thought you guys might appreciate a summarised version as it raises some interesting and important things.

I’ve had to break this up in to two posts - one this week and one next week. This one will summarise the

In brief

The Children on the Margins report by the Welsh Parliament’s Children, Young People and Education Committee sheds light on the complex factors contributing to child marginalisation in Wales. It offers recommendations for systemic change and outlines - with some interpretation and considerable digging - actionable steps for practitioners working with vulnerable children.

What is the Focus of the Report?

The report investigates the structural and social factors that contribute to child marginalisation, with a particular focus on children who are at heightened risk due to poverty, abuse, trauma, neglect and systemic discrimination. It highlights how these factors intersect, creating complex challenges that require multi-agency collaboration and sustained intervention…

Blah blah blah… 🙄 Like all such documents it’s full of words and takes longer to get to the point than it should.

For me, though, the focus was very much on children who go ‘missing’ and are therefore vulnerable to exploitation of various kinds, most notably (in the report) criminal and sexual exploitation.

Key areas of focus include:

Children Who Go Missing: Examining why children go missing, the dangers they face while absent and the systemic weaknesses in responding effectively when they do.

Child Criminal Exploitation (CCE): Looking at how vulnerable children are exploited for criminal activities and how inconsistencies in legal definitions (not to mention a lack of funding) hinder more coherent and effective interventions.

Other Marginalised Groups: Recognising groups such as neurodivergent kids, unaccompanied asylum-seeking children, care-experienced young people and children living in poverty as particularly vulnerable.

The report emphasises the missed opportunities—moments when early intervention could have changed the trajectory for these children but failed due to systemic gaps. It underscores the importance of adopting a trauma-informed approach, where professionals recognise the impact of adverse experiences on a child's behaviour and well-being.

Additionally, the report highlights the critical role of multi-agency collaboration, urging sectors such as healthcare, education and social services to improve information-sharing and communication.

I feel another blah blah blah coming on…

At its core, the report is a call to move beyond good intentions and address the systemic failures preventing effective support for marginalised kids - THIS I like. Though to me, it read like the Welsh Government telling off the…Welsh Government for not moving fast enough to sort this out.

What are the Primary Recommendations?

The report outlines 23 recommendations aimed at addressing systemic weaknesses and improving outcomes for vulnerable children. Below are the key themes:

1. Data Collection and Accuracy:

The Welsh Government must improve the accuracy and reliability of data on children who go missing.

Data should be comprehensive, including factors such as age, care status and the reasons for going missing.

2. Statutory Return Interviews:

Following every missing incident, children should be offered a statutory return interview.

These interviews should be conducted by a trusted adult chosen by the child, ensuring consistency and reliability.

3. Legal Definitions and Frameworks:

Advocate for a clear statutory definition of Child Criminal Exploitation (CCE) in UK law to ensure consistent responses.

Explore the feasibility of a national strategy for tackling CCE.

4. Training for Frontline Professionals:

Develop training resources and tools to improve awareness and intervention capabilities among professionals.

Ensure training extends beyond social services to include healthcare providers, educators, youth work (my addition) and Police.

5. Strengthening Multi-Agency Collaboration:

Improve communication and information-sharing between agencies.

Develop platforms for sharing safeguarding information across regional boundaries.

6. Preventative Services and Early Intervention:

Invest in early intervention programs through schools and community services - prevention being better than cure.

Equip schools to identify early signs of exploitation or marginalisation and develop clear reporting pathways for responding.

7. Focus on Trauma-Informed Care:

Embed trauma-informed practices across all child-focused services.

Ensure staff understand the long-term impacts of adverse childhood experiences (ACEs).

8. Holistic Safeguarding Strategies:

Establish risk assessment tools to identify children vulnerable to exploitation.

Ensure consistency in responses across all safeguarding agencies.

These recommendations collectively advocate for a systemic shift—moving beyond fragmented responses to create a cohesive, child-centred safeguarding system.

As you’d expect from a government report, it emphasises the big picture, strategic stuff. While this is understandable and, arguably, it’s remit, it was also the report’s biggest failing for me.

Good data, consistent practice, statutory guidance, trauma-informed approaches and inter-agency collaboration are all great, but we’ve heard it all before. Nearly every child practice review or serious case review since time immemorial has highlighted these things exactly! What it lacked was clear examples of effective practice that could form the basis of future policy formation.

That said, there were some thoughts and ideas strewn throughout that piqued my interest, so I’ve let my mind wander on these, expanded them a little and tried to summarise what those of us in the ‘real’ real world might do to help kids in the interim…

You can read these in next week’s post.

Final Thoughts

The Children on the Margins report serves as a wake-up call for addressing child marginalisation in Wales. While the systemic challenges are significant, the report highlights some practical and achievable steps that, if implemented, could help transform the lives of vulnerable children.

For practitioners, the message is clear, too: focus on relationship, build trust, listen deeply, act consistently and prioritise your own well-being. More detail on this next week.

For now, though, I really hope the Welsh Government can get over the inertia, stop talking to itself and start implementing policies and resources to set a framework for practitioners to facilitate the change we know we can make.

Together, we can create a society where no child feels forgotten, ignored or left behind.

See you in the next one!

More information:

WEB PAGE: Children on the Margins - report download & information page (link)

WEB DOWNLOAD: A No Wrong Door Approach to Neurodiversity - Children’s Commissioner for Wales (link)

BOOK: Working With Troubled Children & Teenagers - my book on the values of good practice (link)

WEB DOWNLOAD: Youth Justice Blueprint for Wales (link)

WEB DOWNLOAD: Waiting Times for Assessment & Support for Autism, ADHD & Other Neurodevelopmental Conditions - England Children’s Commissioner (link)

Subscribe & Follow?

You can join Jonny’s mailing list here. Your information is safe and you can unsubscribe anytime very easily.

If you want these posts sent straight to your inbox, click the blue subscribe button below.

You can also “Like” this site on Facebook or connect with me on LinkedIn or Twitter. (NB: my Pinterest account was hacked and is now permanently offline).

INTRODUCTION:

To say I love reading is a massive understatement. I devour books. But now we’re in the age of Audible, my consumption has gone through the roof.

Gone are the days when reading was something I squeezed into a few short weeks’ holiday each year. I still do that but tend to stick to low key, fun stuff rather than the full-on work-related content. Now, though, I can ‘read’ while driving, walking the dog, doing the garden - pretty much anytime my presence and focus isn’t on demand by others.

So, I thought I’d kick off the blog in 2025 (happy New Year, by the way! 🥂) with a review of my reading from last year - in the hope that you might be triggered to read one or more of them yourself and improve your practice further.

📘 Books read in 2024:

Here’s a list of the ones I’ve worked my way through, along with my opinion in brief of each one and a star-rating (as posted on Instagram). I ‘read’ lots of them on Audible, but many in print. This year I’ll keep a track of which I listened to and which I read - is that geeky? I suspect it really is…

Feel free to nip on to the end if you don’t want to read all this - you can always keep it for later… 😉

FIRST 10:

THE MYTH OF NORMAL - GABOR MATÉ - finished 3/1 - 5⭐️

‘This is an absolute beaut and defo one of my top ten ever!’

The Revenge of Power - Moisés Naím - finished 9/1 - 4⭐️

‘A must read for anyone interested in politics. More people will vote in elections in 2024 ever before. An important book for an important year.’

Too Much & Never Enough - Mary L. Trump - finished 4/1 - 3⭐️

‘A scary insight into the utter dysfunction at the heart of the family that created The Donald. Fascinating to anyone interested in human development and the impact of environment on children.’

Clear thinking - Shane Parris - finished 15/1/24 3⭐️

‘Really helpful insights into the practicalities of good decision-making.’

Scattered Minds - Gabor Maté - finished 21/1/24 - 5⭐️

‘Third time through & still my favourite ADHD read!’

ADHD Explained - Edward Hallowell - finished 25/1/24 - 4⭐️

‘A first rate summary of the subject by a thought-leader in the field.’

Man’s Search for Meaning - Victor Frankl - finished 30/1/24 - 4⭐️

‘Important insights into having a ‘why’ for your life - from a man who lost almost everything in Auschwitz.’

Log Rafts to Freedom - Linda Gallagher - finished 08/2/24 3⭐️

‘A personal memoir about a Polish teenager’s journey through the Siberian deportation. Written by a friend - fascinating! ‘

Freakonomics - Steven Levitt & Stephen Dubner - finished 152/25 - 4⭐️

‘Absolutely fascinating! A quirky read answering interesting questions using big data.’

Life In The Balance: A Doctor’s Stories of Intensive Care - Dr Jim Down - finished 3⭐️

‘A riveting read & fascinating insight into the life & practice of an intensive care doctor!’

SECOND 10:

What Happened to You? Conversations on Trauma, Resilience & Healing by Bruce Perry & Oprah Winfrey - finished 06/3/24 5⭐️

‘A very important message this! If you work with trauma in any way, please read it.’

Kier Starmer: The Biography by Tom Baldwin - finished 10/3/24 4⭐️

‘In an ELECTION YEAR everyone should read this.’

Conspiracy Tourist - Dom Joly - finished 21/3/24 3⭐️

‘This is a hoot! 😆👍🏻’

Russia’s War by Jade McGlynn - finished 23/3/24 4⭐️

‘Enthralling - illustrates the importance of understanding both culture & history.’

Showman: The Inside Story of Ukraine & the War that Made A Leader of Zelensky by Simon Schuster - finished 28/3/24 4⭐️

‘A fascinating insight into the man & his situation!’

Crime & Punishment - Fyodor Dostoevsky - finished 07/4/24 3⭐️

‘A classic about the human condition & the nature of morality. Bit of a slog but glad to have read it!

THE DEVIL YOU KNOW - GWEN ADSHEAD - finished 15/4/24 5⭐️

‘This is why I do the job I do. It’s a beaut!’

Mere Christianity by CS Lewis - finished 20/4/24 2⭐️

‘A tense mixture of drudge, anachronism & erudite one-liners.’

The Thursday Murder Club - by Richard Osman - finished 15/5/24 - 1⭐️

‘Meh… an inoffensive, unremarkable easy read.’

Ghost Rider by Neil Peart - finished 18/5/24 - 5⭐️

‘Intelligent interwoven thinking & word-smithery at its very best; superb!’

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THIRD 10

From the Oasthouse with Alan Partridge - finished 19/5/24 3⭐️

‘Classic partridge: a mix of cringe, hilarity & poignancy; brilliant.’

Overreach: The Inside Story of Putin’s War Against Ukraine by Owen Matthews - finished 06/6/24 5⭐️

‘Superb historical-political masterpiece. Essential reading to understand the current crisis.’

Camino Ghosts by John Grisham - finished 11/6/25 3⭐️

‘Entertaining summer read. Classic Grisham - enjoyed it.’

Camino Winds by John Grisham - finished 17/6/24 2⭐️

‘Meh.’

The Sacred Chain - How Understanding Evolution Leads to Deeper Faith by Jim Stump - finished 29/6/24 4⭐️

‘Great on evolution & creation - turns out we CAN have our cake & eat it!’

The Meaningful Money Handbook by Pete Matthew - finished 30/6/24 4⭐️

‘My little brother’s book on money - excellent for financial cretins like me!’

The Psychology of Money by Morgan Housel - finished 03/7/24 4⭐️

‘Fascinating.’

When The Body Says No by Gabor Maté - finished 05/7/24 5⭐️

‘Another work of genius by the Main Man.’

The Untethered Soul by Michael Viner - finished 17/6/24 2⭐️

‘An interesting clinic on mindfulness and self-awareness. Bit flakey though…’

Same As Ever - Timeless Lessons on Risk, Opportunity & Living A Good Life by Morgan Housel - finished 30/6/24 2⭐️

‘Meh…an unremarkable sequel to a brilliant first book.’

FOURTH 10:

How the West Brought War to Ukraine: Understanding how U.S. and NATO Policies Led to Crisis, War and the Risk of Nuclear Catastrophe by Benjamin Abelow - finished 12/7/24 3⭐️

‘Important reading to balance western media emphases.’

MILF: Motherhood, Identity, Love & F*ckery by Paloma Faith - finished 22/7/24 3⭐️

‘A book for women that very man should read.’

What is the Bible? How an Ancient Library of Poems, Letters and stories Can Transform the Way You Think and Feel About Everything by Rob Bell - finished. Finished 16/8/24 4⭐️

‘Everyone should read this, especially Christians!

Camino Island by John Grisham - finished 28/8/24 3⭐️

‘Best of the series, in my opinion.’

Hillbilly Elegy by J.D. Vance - finished 26/8/24 3⭐️

‘An interesting trip through the working class roots of one man’s conservatism. Worth a read.

The Truths We Hold by Kamala Harris. Finished 30/8/24 4⭐️

‘A great weaving of biography & policy - well worth a read. Reassuring that there’s at least one sane person running for office in the U.S. this year!’

THE HEALTH GAP: IMPROVING HEALTH IN AN UNEQUAL WORLD by Michael Marmot - finished 15/10/25 5⭐️

‘Required reading for anyone interested in human rights.’

Nexus - A Brief History of Information Networks from the Stone Age to AI by Yuval Noah Harari - finished 01/11/24 5⭐️

‘Superb. A very important book!’

Polyvagal Theory in Therapy: Engaging the Rhythm of Regulation by Deb Dana - finished 11/1124 4⭐️

‘Great for application ideas (of polyagal theory).’

Into the Magic Shop - A Neurosurgeon’s True Story of the Life Changing Magic of Compassion and Mindfulness by James Doty - finished 01/12/24 4⭐️

‘Where neuroscience meets mindfulness - loved it!’

FIFTH 10:

Mind Magic: The Neuroscience of Manifestion and how it changes Everything by James Doty - finished 03/12/24 4⭐️

'Cracking good read if you want to learn how to DO mindfulness.’

The Clinical Application of Polyvagal Theory by Stephen Porges & Deb Dana (Eds.) - STILL WORKING ON THIS (it’s amazing so far!)

The Developing Mind (3rd) - STILL WORKING ON THIS everyone working with kids should read the first 100 pages (brain & attachment); it’s genius!

NOT ALL WORK

For me, like most others probably, reading is solace as well as learning. I love to read to learn, to garner knowledge and enhance what I think I know with new Insights. But I also love to read to escape, disappear into new worlds and other people’s stories for a while.

Not all the books cited above are ‘work’ books, obviously. Some are faith-based, others are just fiction for fun or general interest because the cover caught my eye. I agonised briefly about whether to include these or not, but decided this was more about reading in general than it was about reading to be better practitioners; so here they are. But my top 3 reads of 2024 - in capitals above - just happen to be my overall top reads of the, too; they are:

The Myth of Normal by Gabor Maté - a brilliant take on the toxic nature of modern Western culture.

The Devil You Know by Gwen Adshead - a forensic psychiatrist takes us on a tour of the human mind at it’s worst and yet manages to exemplify grace and kindness, too.

The Health Gap by Michael Marmot - a wake up call and bomb-proof evidence on how wealth and poverty influence human health and what to do about it.

FINAL THOUGHTS

Thanks for indulging me in this little foray into my 2024. And thanks for your support last year - for the blog and my work in general. THANKS to everyone who’s attended a course, read a book, watched a video or emailed with encouragement. My only wish is that what I write here-and thus what you guys read-will help make the lives of troubled kids better somehow.

Looking back over 2024, I’m grateful as always for the privileges I enjoy. I’m also acutely aware of how many kids don’t have this, and through no fault of their own. It’s our greatest joy as practitioners-I believe-to be able to change that, even just a little bit, for the better.

So, I will keep writing in the hope of encouraging us all to learn, expand our thinking and practice, and so serve troubled kids more effectively. And also in the hope of urging us to look after ourselves - to find and soak in the solace that is… reading.

HAPPY NEW YEAR! See you in the next one! 🥂

More Information

Follow this year’s reading on Instagram (link)

Join Audible, where you can currently get 3 months for £2.97 (this will expire at some point… - (link)

Subscribe & Follow?

You can join Jonny’s mailing list here. Your information is safe and you can unsubscribe anytime very easily.

If you want these posts sent straight to your inbox, click the blue subscribe button below.

You can also “Like” this site on Facebook or connect with me on LinkedIn or Twitter. (NB: my Pinterest account was hacked and is now permanently offline).

©️ Jonny Matthew 2025

INTRODUCTION

Polyvagal Theory is a departure from the others we’ve covered in this series, in that it’s not a theory of human development, specifically.

I wanted to include it because I know, like me, many of you work with or care for kids who’ve suffered all sorts of traumatic experiences, such that their lives are now very difficult - not least by being blighted with behaviour that seems to make things worse.

In this context, I think the theory has something of real value to offer us by way of insight into the mechanics of why such kids take so long to feel safe. So here goes…

What is Polyvagal Theory?

Polyvagal theory, developed by Stephen Porges, explains how our nervous system regulates safety and survival responses. It focuses on how different parts of the autonomic nervous system react to threats.

The vagal pathways (nerves) are part of the autonomic nervous system, and "polyvagal" means that multiple pathways work to protect us. These pathways function automatically (i.e. without conscious thought) and help us identify threats or opportunities to feel safe. This constant, ongoing scanning or screening process is what Porges calls, "neuroception" (I think of this as our ‘spidey-sense’ but one that lies beneath conscious awareness).

When we feel unsafe, neuroception triggers defence mechanisms such as fight, flight or freeze responses.

Before we think about how the theory can help us, here’s a quick look at the three parts or vagal circuits of the nervous system that Porges suggests.

The Three Parts of the Autonomic Nervous System

1. Dorsal Vagal Circuit (Oldest System): Immobilisation/Life Threat

* This system developed over 500 million years ago and is often referred to as the reptilian part of the nervous system.

* In life-threatening danger, this system can cause a person to freeze, become immobile or dissociate (i.e. to mentally disconnect from the body).

* It's a survival mechanism that conserves energy, slows the heart rate and can sometimes lead to fainting and/or defecation.

2. Sympathetic Nervous System: Mobilisation/Danger

* This part of the nervous system prepares us for action in response to danger, causing the fight/flight response.

* When activated, the body mobilises energy to either defend itself or escape from the threat.

* For traumatised individuals, the system may misread situations, leading to overreactions where there may be no real threat.

3. Ventral Vagal Circuit (Newest System): Balance/Safety

* This system evolved about 200 million years ago and is responsible for seeking safety and forming social connections.

* It supports calm, connection and co-regulation, meaning we feel safer when we are with others we trust.

* This part of the nervous system helps prevent the fight, flight or freeze responses when we feel safe.

Understanding Trauma and Safety

For traumatised children, the brain and wider nervous system can become hyper-vigilant, as if it’s on a hair trigger, misinterpreting safe situations as if they were dangerous. This is why children may "act out" or behave in seemingly irrational ways, for example by massively over-reacting to situations that to us appear harmless or benign.

Before healing can occur, children must not only be safe but also feel safe. Feeling safe can take time, sometimes over a year or more even with intensive direct work; but this sense of security is crucial for their development and recovery.

Having a sense of what these different states are, what they feel like and exploring how to mediate them and bring about a calmer, safer state is a golden skill. I’m hoping that what comes next here will whet your appetite for learning more about this so you can add it to your arsenal of ideas and techniques as you work to help kids move out of their difficult histories and into a brighter future.

Practical Applications for Practitioners Working with Traumatised Children

As always in these posts, what follows is a very cursory coverage of this topic (to say the least). I’m not for a second suggesting it’s exhaustive or that anyone should ‘try stuff out’ on children; that would be ridiculous, not to say potentially damaging.

The thoughts below are to give us an idea of the kinds of things that might help, given the proper assessment and treatment planning processes being completed by suitably qualified people.

Here goes:

1. Dorsal Vagal Circuit - freeze/flop

The freeze/flop dorsal vagal response is sometimes referred to as ‘playing possum.’

Possums or Opossums (depending where in the world you are) react to extreme threat by entering a state where they appear to be dead. Breathing is shallow, the body is completely still and the heart rate slows to the point where prey animals think the possum is dead. Because most predators are evolutionarily programmed to avoid the dangers of rotting meat, they leave the possum alone.

This process of ‘thanatosis’ (or ‘tonic immobility’) is protective and fully automatic - the term ‘playing dead’ is misleading, though, as implies it’s a state induced deliberately, but it’s not.

In some people, the nervous system switches on a state of being frozen automatically; there is no thought or decision involved. While this is different to thanatosis, the appearance is similar - the person is immobile as the nervous system shuts down the body to conserve energy resources and avoid further harm.

How to help:

* Grounding techniques: Teach children simple grounding exercises like feeling their feet on the floor or focusing on their breath to help them reconnect with their bodies if they’re tuning out, feeling stressed or struggling with a sense of being unsafe.

* Sensory integration: Incorporate sensory activities like using weighted blankets or fidget toys to help children feel more present in their bodies. Talking to them about what they can feel ‘in their bodies’ can help them grow in awareness of how bodies work and respond to different situations.

* Rhythmic activities: Get kids involved in rhythmic activities like drumming, rapping, marching or singing to help regulate their nervous system. Bi-lateral exercises of any kind can be helpful in this way.

* Professional help: If a child is regularly dissociating or entering states of prolonged immobility, refer them in for some clinical help with understanding what’s going on and getting the right treatment.

2. Sympathetic Nervous System - fight/flight

This is the typical state we’re all familiar with, when our bodies and emotions respond to what going on around us and we find ourselves physically and emotionally activated. We might stiffen physically, want to move around a lot and feel angry; or we may feel depleted, hopeless and exhausted - and all points in between.

While we all may experience more extreme versions of this very occasionally, for the most part we know what’s going on and that what we’re feeling and experiencing is connected with some kind of trigger. We’ve also learned over the years to make sense of it all, take a minute and begin to allow the calming process to begin; many of us will have learned ways that particularly work fir us when we feel activated.

But for many children from traumatic backgrounds, they may not have enjoyed the attentive, consistent, empathic care of an attachment figure, m with all the developmental benefits this brings. A lack of co-regulation means they may not understand what’s happening with their body and emotions and have no clue how to begin calming again - some may not even have a sense that they will calm eventually.

How to help:

* Physical activities: Implement structured physical activities like yoga, dance, boxing or martial arts to help children release excess energy and learn body control. Personally, I credit my own martial arts training with helping me get a much better grip on self-regulation.

* Emotional regulation: Teach children to recognise their emotional states, teaach them labels for different states and provide tips, tools and techniques for self-regulation, such as tapping, mindful breathing or body-scanning (progressive muscle relaxation).

* Safe spaces: Create designated "calm down" or “relaxation” areas where children can retreat when feeling overwhelmed. These should be spaces where they can just ‘be’ and might usefully include gentle and calming sensory stimuli like mobiles, soft lighting, textured toys, blankets or a ball pit.

3. Ventral Vagal Circuit - calm/safe

According to polyvagal theory, this is the most highly evolved, advanced state of the nervous system with safety and social connectedness at the heart of it.

This is us working at our optimum, if you like: our heart rate as well as immune, digestive and respiratory systems are working at peak efficiency. We are free to focus on the task in hand and fully connect with those around us.

When we’re a threat response state and things are upset, unsettled and and/or on alert, this is the state we need to get back to. But like the other two vagal states already mentioned, this too is an automatic state that will not be induced as long as our neuroceptive spideysense senses danger.

When we feel safe, content, at ease and able to focus on and connect with others, we’re in a ventral vagal state. Knowing this state and what it feels like is also something to be learned, particularly by those whose bodies have been pitched off balance by traumatic experiences - they have to learn to recognise and take steps to return to ventral vagal safety.

How to help:

* Social engagement: Facilitate positive social interactions through group activities, emphasising cooperation rather than competition. Make sure the person you’re helping isn’t overwhelmed, though; too much social noise and chaos can trigger sympathetic or even dorsal vagal responses, so take it easy and progress slowly. Remind them to be aware of what their body and emotions are doing, so they can sense when things are de-escalating and returning to calm.

* Facial expression and emotion recognition: Help children learn to read facial expressions and body language to improve their social understanding and connection. Children who’ve grown up in threat and danger, or who have been neglected, may not read faces well. They may be prone to mis-reading concentration, for example, as someone being angry or being ‘off’ with them. Make a habit of labelling things out loud for kids like this and asking them to try and interpret the internal states of others; this kind of approach will help them consciously ‘know’ things that their autonomic nervous system is habitually interpreting.

* Co-regulation exercises: Teach caregivers and children techniques for co-regulation, such as mirroring each other's breathing or engaging in gentle eye contact. Point out the physical aspects of emotional responses (tight jaw, stomach turning over, feeling tense, jittery or shaky, the impulse to run or fight or smash things). Make a point of this also when things are good, when all is calm and when they’re a rest, having fun or enjoying someone’s company.

* Deepening the calm, safe state: Helping children learn techniques of deeper relaxation and body calmness can not only help them recognise and enjoy being calm, it can help them rest, wind down after effort or agitation and even induce sleep.

If you want to read more on how to use the principles of polyvagal theory in direct work, I can strongly recommend Deb Dana’s book, The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy - this is both an excellent overview of the theory itself (for non-neuroscientists like me!) and has some brilliant explanations and suggestions about how to incorporate the theory into clinical practice.

The standout lesson from the book for me was twofold:

* Grasp the theory: Learn the theory so you have a framework in which to understand the way the autonomic nervous system works and what this might look like in children.

* Mapping the 3 states: There has massive value in helping children to understand their own nervous systems, get familiar with what each vagal state feels like and learn techniques to can help them move more effectively between states.

FINAL THOUGHTS

My recent foray into theory in general, and polyvagal theory in particular, has been a refreshing and enjoyable time. It’s really got my brain juices going not just, as I anticipated, because I love a deep dive into something I don’t yet fully understand (new knowledge always excites me!), but because of the rich vein of practice ideas it’s stirred up for me.

The ideas listed above are a mere drop in the ocean from someone who’s not a specialist, a medic or a psychotherapist. So imagine the wealth of stuff you might uncover if you start reading yourself!

Understanding how our bodies automatically get wired to respond to perceived danger is what this theory is all about. Even a fairly cursory grasp of the basics outlined here can really help us to help kids to understand themselves a little more. That means they’re one step nearer to recovery. And that is what all this is about.

See you in the next one.

More information:

* BOOK: Clinical Applications of the Polyvagal Theory: The Emergence of Polyvagal-Informed Therapies, edited by Stephen W. Porges and Deb Dana (link)

* BOOK: The Pocket Guide to the Polyvagal Theory: The Transformative Power of Feeling Safe" by Stephen Porges (link)

* BOOK: The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy by Deb Dana (link)

* PAPER: A review of thanatosis (death feigning) as an anti-predator behaviour (link)

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©️ Jonny Matthew 2024

INTRODUCTION

Sigmund Freud, a pioneering figure in psychology, introduced his theory of psychosexual development to explain how personality evolves through early childhood.

He proposed that human behaviour is driven by unconscious desires and conflicts that are in play during different stages of childhood. Although some aspects of his theory are controversial today, Freud remains very influential in understanding the foundations of human development and influencing the language that surrounds it.

For example, commonly cited ideas like ‘defence mechanisms,’ ‘projection,’ ‘transference’ and ‘counter-transference,’ all originate with Freud.

Overview of Freud's Psychosexual Stages

Freud believed that childhood development occurs in a series of fixed stages, each characterised by the focus on a different erogenous zone of the body - which in turn constitutes specific behaviours and functions.

For each stage, we’ll summarise the erogenous zone (i.e. the site of pleasure or excitement), key activities (which link to needs) and the psychological theme in play for the developing child.

As always, this list is very much a distillation and is nowhere near exhaustive…

In summary, the stages are:

1. Oral Stage (0-1 year)

* Erogenous Zone: Mouth

* Key Activities: Sucking, biting, chewing

* Psychological Theme: Dependency and trust

* Description: During this stage, an infant’s pleasure is centred around the mouth. Things like sucking and biting are crucial as they are the primary functions in their subjective world. If needs are not adequately met, individuals might develop oral fixations in adulthood - things like smoking/vaping, nail-biting or pica, reflecting (in Freud’s view) unresolved dependency issues.

2. Anal Stage (1-3 years)

* Erogenous Zone: Anus

* Key Activities: Toilet training

* Psychological Theme: Control and autonomy

* Description: At stage 2 the focus shifts from the mouth to bowel and bladder control. Successful completion of this stage is marked by a sense of accomplishment and independence. Overly strict or overly lenient toilet training can lead to two possible personality outcomes: an anal-retentive personality, characterised by a strong (some might say obsessive) focus on cleanliness and order, or an anal-expulsive personality, marked by messiness and disorganisation.

3. Phallic Stage (3-6 years)

* Erogenous Zone: Genitals

* Key Activities: Identification with same-sex parent

* Psychological Theme: Gender identity and sexuality

* Description: Children become aware of their bodies and recognise differences between males and females. This stage is marked by the Oedipus complex in boys and the Electra complex in girls, where children feel a sense of competition with the parent who is the same sex as them for the attention of the opposite-sex parent. So, boys ‘compete’ with Dad for Mum’s attention and affection, and girls compete with Mum for Dad’s attention and affection. Resolution of these complexes leads to the development of a healthy gender identity.

* N.B. There are obvious shortcomings and limitations here and a clear need to think more broadly about how heteronormative sexuality assumptions and gender attitudes might be impacting the child’s development. Freud, like the rest of us, was a product of his time, so we need to keep this in mind for practice in the modern world, where not only sexuality is more open and fluid, but also sexual identity itself.

4. Latency Stage (6 years-puberty)

* Erogenous Zone: Dormant sexual feelings

* Key Activities: Socialisation, learning and hobbies

* Psychological Theme: Developing social skills and self-confidence

* Description: During this period, sexual impulses are repressed and controlled, and children focus on developing friendships, acquiring knowledge, engaging in hobbies and developing interests. This stage is crucial for building self-confidence and social skills, for children developing a sense of validity and confidence in their own preferences, ideas and interests.

5. Genital Stage (Puberty-adulthood)

* Erogenous Zone: Genitals (again! 🙄)

* Key Activities: Establishing intimate relationships

* Psychological Theme: Maturity, balance between work and love

* Description: This final stage is characterised by a (hopefully!) slow and gradual emergence of previously controlled sexual interests in balance with other priorities and obligations. Successful navigation of earlier stages allows individuals to develop healthy, mature relationships, learn safe and appropriate expression of sexual desires and establish a balance between this and the various other areas of life.

Implications for Child Development and Care

Like other theories covered in this series, a staged and sequenced unfolding of development is implicit in Freud. Even if we choose to reject much of his thinking as anachronistic or conjectural (I know I do!), there is merit in the sequencing, at least.

Understanding these stages can help caregivers and professionals recognise the importance of meeting children’s needs appropriately at each stage of growth and development. Again, this is common with the other theoretical frameworks we’ve looked at.

Here are some practical takeaways from Freud’s ideas at each stage, ,along with my take on the ‘core’ idea for each one:

Oral Stage: (0-1 year)

Core idea: Providing consistent care, feeding and nurturing are essential to foster a sense of safety, trust and security.

Baseline routines and the imperative to ‘meet the need’ are solid foundations for a good development. Pre-verbal, pre-cognitive children are very much at the whim of what’s going on around them, so meeting needs within a framework of consistent routines and attentive care provides vital support for this.

This should not be mechanistic, though, as if merely feeding, changing and keeping a child warm will do the trick. The human warmth, affection and proactively nurturing nature of the care is vital, too.

Anal Stage: (1-3 years)

Core idea: Positive reinforcement and patience during toilet training can help children develop a sense of autonomy without anxiety or shame.

For me, accepting that there’s more going here is important - children are learning to feel, understand and operate their bodies in line with social expectations; and they are negotiating complex, subconscious processes like interoception and sensory integration - it’s certainly not all about wee-ing and poo-ing, so patience is key here!

Rather than reacting to what’s going on, exploring with brings the child into a dialogue about their own functioning. This stage is when speech and cognition are accelerating rapidly, so bringing them into our thoughts about what’s going on with their bodies and emotions will help stabilise and inform their own understanding.

Phallic Stage: (3-6 years)

Core idea: Encouraging healthy expressions of what Freud might call ‘gender identity’ and providing clear moral guidance are key.

As mentioned just now, these ideas have progressed since the stages were first published in 1905, so we can allow ourselves some latitude here. For me, it’s less about gender identity - which is laden with sexually deterministic ideas, not to mention socially constructed ‘norms’ about what males and females are and should do - and is much more about recognising that children are emerging increasingly as distinct personalities of their own.

A supportive and non-judgmental environment helps children navigate their feelings around this and develop without anxiety or the need to conform to externally imposed, perhaps even rigid ideas about who and what they should or shouldn’t be.

Latency Stage: (6 years-puberty)

Core idea: Encouraging play and facilitating opportunities for learning, social interaction

and skill development supports healthy self-esteem and confidence.

Now that the personality is emerging, we want to release it to roam, learn, wonder, experiment, play and develop in safety, joy and freedom.

Modern parenting, as well as professional childcare, can easily become centred on risks, concerns and safeguarding - all important, of course - but wherever possible kids need the chance to just be. Providing safety with minimum restriction is the sweet spot here. Children need to have edges to what they can and cannot do, in order to keep them safe. But making the field of freedom as wide as possible before they run up against a fence, means they can follow their instincts, preferences and inquisitorial impulses as much as possible.

Genital Stage: (Puberty-adulthood)

Core idea: Guidance in forming healthy relationships and navigating the complexities of adolescence is crucial for balanced emotional and social development.

Adolescence is a crucial stage of development, as we know. It represents the emergence of the adult from the foundations of childhood. The brain is fast re-wiring itself and beginning to become its adult self increasingly.

Kids can wobble hugely at this stage, without the scaffolding of trusted, safe adults around who can provide the attentive input when it’s needed. But we also need to facilitate increasing freedoms within which the child can explore who they are and who they want to be. This will include romantic and sexual relationships, as well as fashion, financial, educational, relational, professional and a myriad other choices which present themselves during this period. Ongoing stability, scaffolded care and a safety net in times of particular struggle are all still very much needed here.

Criticisms and Modern Perspectives

Freud’s theory has faced significant criticism over the years. In a nutshell these include:

* Overemphasis on Sexuality: Critics argue that Freud placed too much emphasis on sexual development, neglecting other crucial aspects like emotional and cognitive growth.

* Lack of Empirical Support: Freud’s theory is based on clinical observations and lacks empirical evidence, at least in comparison with other theories. Modern psychology favours theories supported by research.

* Gender Bias: The theory reflects the gender norms of Freud's time, particularly the Oedipus and Electra complexes at the Phallic stage, which are considered outdated today.

FINAL THOUGHTS

While Freud’s psychosexual stages of development may not be entirely accepted in contemporary psychology, they provide a foundational understanding of early personality development and how thinking about this has evolved over time.

His language and the labels he provided for certain constructs have entered our vocabulary, many of which are now common parlance.

For me, the twin attributes of Freud (and this is a reduction, I know!) are:

* The underlining yet again of the staged and sequenced nature of human growth and development.

* A useful focus on the role of unconscious or subconscious processes along the way.

Making these explicit so that professionals can hold them in mind when helping children and families in crisis is positive, in my view.

Remember, as Freud himself once said, ‘Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar!’ 😆

See you in the next one.

More information:

* WEB ARTICLE: Simply Psychology article on the 5 stages (link)

* WEB ARTICLE: Read about Sigmund’s legacy in the history and work of the Anna Freud Centre (link)

* NOTE: The sharp-eyed will have noticed that I haven’t covered Freud’s 3 psychic structures - id, ego and superego - in this post as it seemed too cumbersome. Read more on that here - (link)

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©️ Jonny Matthew 2024

INTRODUCTION

Erik Erikson, was a German born American developmental psychologist, who proposed a theory that human development unfolds in a series of eight psychosocial stages, each characterised by a specific conflict that individuals must resolve to move successfully to the next stage.

* Psycho - this is about the ‘psyche’ and relates to the psychological needs of each person

* Social - the ‘social’ bit is about the impact of and ‘conflict’ with the world around that person

Building on Freud, the theory was first published in 1950 in his book, ‘Childhood and Society’ and covers the whole human lifespan, from aged ‘0’ to ‘65+.’

His work is helpful in understanding the psychological and social development of children and adolescents, and provides some useful insights that can be applied in professional child care.

The Basics

Sequencing and Pre-potency

As with Maslow, Bronfenbrenner and the other theories we’ve looked at, Erikson assumes development unfolds in order, in a sequence.

He also assumes pre-potency. In other words, the assumption that each stage of development relies, at least in part, that the previous stage has been achieved. Each stage rests on the one before it, if you like.

‘Basically the theory boils down to this: Life is a series of lessons and challenges which help us to grow. Erikson's psychosocial development theory helps explain why.’ (Source: The Clearing)

Overview of the 8 Psychosocial Stages

As we said in the introduction, Erikson posited the idea that each stage of development involves a conflict that has to be resolved. This can lead to two broad outcomes, dependent on whether or not that conflict is resolved or not.

In other words, how our personality develops (our psyche) depends on how we navigate our way through the challenges of existence in the world around us (the social).

This might seem blindingly obvious - all good theory is, in my view - it can really help us to understand the kids we work with as not just a personality, but a personality that is striving to develop in a specific social context.

Both the personality (presentation, behaviour, problems, etc.) and the context (parenting, family, home environment, experiences) must be taken into account if we are to assess the situation properly and construct decent, developmentally targeted interventions.

So it might be obvious but it’s also important.

The Stages - in brief

We’ll look quickly at each of the eight stages and then - because this blog is about helping troubled kids - we’ll focus in a little more on the first 5 stages that cover human childhood.

It’s important, however, to understand that Erikson himself did not initially split the stages by age, but rather by slightly broader, less clearly defined phases throughout the lifespan.

I have included both age and development phases in the brackets for each of his 8 stages, summarised here:

1. Trust vs. Mistrust (Birth to 18 months - infancy)

* Conflict: Developing trust in caregivers and the environment

* Key Event: Feeding and nurturing

* Outcome: Successful resolution leads to trust and security, while failure results in fear and suspicion

* Application: Consistent care and meeting a child's needs are crucial for building trust, especially for those who have experienced neglect or instability

2. Autonomy vs. Shame and Doubt (18 months to 3 years - early childhood)

* Conflict: Gaining a sense of personal control and independence

* Key Event: Toilet training and choices in food, toys or clothing

* Outcome: Positive outcomes foster autonomy and confidence, while negative outcomes lead to shame and self-doubt

* Application: Encourage young children to make choices and explore their environment safely, which helps in building confidence and self-esteem

3. Initiative vs. Guilt (3 to 5 years - play age)

* Conflict: Initiating activities and asserting control

* Key Event: Engaging in play and social interactions

* Outcome: Successful navigation leads to a sense of purpose, while failure results in guilt over desires and ambitions

* Application: Support children in creating their own games and activities, allowing them to take the lead and make decisions

4. Industry vs. Inferiority (5 to 12 years - school age)

* Conflict: Mastering skills and gaining competence

* Key Event: School and academic achievements

* Outcome: Children who receive encouragement develop a sense of competence, while those who do not may feel inferior

* Application: Reinforce the child's abilities through positive feedback, especially in academic and extracurricular activities

5. Identity vs. Role Confusion (12 to 18 years - adolescence)

* Conflict: Developing a personal identity and sense of self

* Key Event: Exploration of different roles, ideologies, and relationships

* Outcome: Success results in a strong sense of identity, while failure can lead to confusion and insecurity

* Application: Provide adolescents with opportunities to explore different identities and support them in their self-discovery process

6. Intimacy vs. Isolation (18 to 40 years - young adulthood)

* Conflict: Forming intimate relationships while maintaining a sense of self

* Key Event: Establishing meaningful relationships outside the family

* Outcome: Healthy relationships lead to strong connections, while a lack of intimacy may result in isolation and loneliness

* Application: For young adults working with children, maintaining a balanced personal and professional life is crucial

7. Generativity vs. Stagnation (40 to 65 years - adulthood)

* Conflict: Contributing to society and the well-being of future generations

* Key Event: Parenthood and career development

* Outcome: Successful navigation fosters care for others, while stagnation leads to self-absorption and disconnection

* Application: Professionals should aim to mentor and support younger colleagues and children, fostering a sense of contribution and purpose

8. Integrity vs. Despair (65+ years - old age)

* Conflict: Reflecting on life with a sense of fulfilment or regret

* Key Event: Life review and reflection

* Outcome: A sense of wisdom and satisfaction or regret and despair

* Application: In later years, reflecting on the positive impacts made in the lives of children can provide a sense of peace and integrity

Practical Implications for Professionals

Given that Erikson devised his stages around a series of developmental ages, we may need to adapt these to fit in practice. For the kids we work with in social care and related fields, they will mostly be older.

This is where our focus on how trauma and other difficulties can hold a child back developmentally. They may be 8 now, or 12, or 17, but if they haven’t had opportunity and the right environment to develop agency, for example, (which happens normally between the ages of 18 months and 5 years) they need those opportunities now.

Finding creative, encouraging and non-patronising ways of doing this is the trick. It will take time, thought and skill to achieve, but will pay dividends in the end.

So let’s drill down a bit more into how we can apply each of the first five stages in our work with troubled kids.

1. Building Trust

Establishing a consistent and reliable presence in a child's life is essential, especially for those in foster care or who have experienced trauma. This is why attachment theory is so crucial and the development of healthy, secure and positive attachments in a each child even more so!

* Avoid and look out for inconsistent, superficial or inadequate care. Constant changes of people (including professional personnel), a lack of stable routine. These engender uncertainty and anxiety in the growing child, making for a wobbly developmental foundation and undermining the essential pre-potency of this first stage in their growth.

* Caregivers should be consistent, reliable and nurturing - this helps a child develop a sense of trust; a belief that the world is an ‘OK’ place and that people are dependable. In turn, this brings confidence that they are safe in the world, that people can be relied on and care for them. This sense of security stays with the child, helping them navigate relationships and feel grounded, even when facing challenges later on. The ability to navigate, overcome and learn from such challenges will help them develop resilience - all of which is built on this foundation of trust. Small, un-called-for acts of unbridled affection, love and praise are great at any stage, but especially so in this one.

2. Encouraging Autonomy

When children are encouraged and supported in their growing independence, they become more confident and secure in their ability to cope. They’ll feel comfortable making decisions, explore more freely and slowly gain a sense of control. This autonomy helps them feel capable of managing their own lives, especially later on.

* Avoid being critical and overly controlling, both of which will stifle the child’s growing sense of wanting to explore, follow urges and desires and, instead, will induce feelings of shame and self-doubt. If they fail, don’t criticise, just intervene gently, offer guidance and encourage them to go again!

* Allow children to make age-appropriate choices and support them in taking initiative - while always ensuring safety. This helps them build autonomy and confidence, essential for their growth and self-esteem. For example, let toddlers choose between two outfits to wear or what game to play; try not to assume that they need you to do everything; the more we let them choose - within obvious limits - the more they will develop a sense of agency and autonomy now and, crucially, later on.

3. Enabling Initiative

The obvious positive sequelae of being encouraged to develop autonomy in the last phase, is increasing confidence to take initiatives. A child who’s been allowed, or even actively urged, to make choices will be more likely to possess the confidence necessary to believe in their own initiative.

* Avoid being dismissive, ambivalent or (god forbid) critical of a child’s choices. A child who is constantly questioned when, or feels judged for, making choices will be reticent to do so again. This child learns to feel guilty, to doubt themselves and develops an inner critic that can be hard to silence later on.

* Actively support initiative and making choices, even when things don’t go to plan or work out as well as hoped. When parents, carers and professionals learn to separate the initiative itself (the drive, if you like) from the outcome of exercising the initiative, we will be able to help the child continue to make choices and not afraid of learning from times when they don’t work out. Kids need opportunities to run up against the fences of life (boundaries, laws, unhelpful or unsafe choices) if they are to gain confidence in their ability to make such choices and enjoy the full potential of what their inner drives and confident initiatives can bring.

4. Fostering Industry

We all love it when we learn something new - a skill, a subject or whatever. It gives us a sense of personal mastery and just feels great to be competent, even at a basic level. I recently passed my motorbike driving test - I can’t tell you how much joy it brought me! Growing children - at whatever stage - are no different.

* Avoid negative comparisons, disinterest and negative feedback while the child is learning new skills and coming to terms with social demands. At this stage children are already beginning to compare themselves with others around them, so deflecting from this is important; we don’t want them mounting the hamster wheel of ‘how good am I compared to…’ becoming a habit.

* Encourage whatever the child is doing, regardless of how ‘good’ it might be objectively. Wanting to try and wanting to show us what they’re doing and achieving is easily undermined by faint praise, a lack of interest or being critical. Stimulating play with other kids, highlighting that they’re doing OK in school, working to ensure kids feel ‘held’ and believed in by parents, carers, teachers and, eventually, peers all contribute to a child’s developing sense of having skills and competence. Having someone praise our efforts is essential for all of us - it builds confidence, encourages more effort and will feed into the development of increasing competence over time.

5. Supporting Identity Formation

Adolescence is a pivotal time when teenagers explore their emerging identity by questioning values, beliefs, and goals. As they move from childhood to adulthood, they want independence and think about their future - careers, relationships and aspirations.

So this stage is key to forming a strong sense of self and how they might want life to be going forward. Teens experiment with different roles and behaviours, while brain development and puberty drive changes in thinking and emotional regulation. A solid foundation from earlier stages, including confidence and healthy relationships, supports this crucial transition to adulthood - again, the pre-potency principle at work!

* Avoid judgement, the imposition of conformity and being too controlling. One of my colleagues repeatedly says that, ‘teenagers push boundaries, that’s their job!’ This is an inevitable part of discovering where the boundaries are and whether or not they want to cross them. Experimenting is important. Conformity (fitting in with and being accepted by peers) and individuality become completing concerns - ‘I don’t want to stand out but I want to be treated and valued as an individual.’

* Lots of scaffolded supported. Children and teenagers need support in exploring who they are. Encourage them to try different activities and create a safe space for self-expression. Give them chances to take on roles like leadership in clubs or volunteering, helping them uncover their strengths and interests. All the while, we need not to be too proactive or over-bearing in our support. Scaffolded support is exactly that - scaffolding doesn’t hold the building up; it merely allows for safety while the builders are at work. The teenager is the builder and we need to let them get on with it; but we need to be close at hand, available and ready with non-judgmental guidance and help when needed.

FINA THOUGHTS

Understanding Erikson's stages allows professionals to better support children and adolescents in their development. By being aware of the specific needs and potential challenges at each stage, including the conflicts being navigated, practitioners can tailor their approaches to foster a more nurturing and effective environment, ultimately aiding children in becoming well-adjusted and resilient individuals.

By thinking about each child and what we know of them now, and of their history, we can apply these principles, help create environments that support children's psychological and social growth, and encourage them to build a strong foundations for future development as adults.

See you in the next one!

More information:

* WEB ARTICLE: National Library of Medicine - summary article - (link)

* BOOK: Childhood and Society by Erik Erikson (link)

* WEB ARTICLE: Simply Psychology article - some useful critical comments in here (link)

* WEB ARTICLE: Positive Psychology article - (link)

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* You can also “Like” this site on Facebook and “Follow” on Twitter, Pinterest or connect with me on LinkedIn.

©️ Jonny Matthew 2024

INTRODUCTION

Of all the theories I hear mentioned by colleagues in social work, youth justice, youth work and mental health, Maslow is the most common. And by a country mile!

For most, though, this seems to hark back to their training-often many years ago-when it was at least featured, if not fully taught.

We at the TRM Academy refer to it quite a bit when we’re explaining how the Trauma Recovery Model constitutes this and a number of other theories of human development.

But what exactly is ‘Maslow’s Hierarchy’ and what does it contribute by way of practice guidance for the work we all do with troubled children?

Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs

As we’ve said, this is one of the most well-known psychological theories, often depicted in graphic form as a pyramid (an idea we nicked for the TRM). It helps us understand the different levels of human needs, from the most basic to the more complex, as they unfold over time.

Originally designed to explain adult motivation, it has significant implications for child development as well. Let's break it down and explore how this theory might be applied in practice, especially for practitioners working with children who have experienced trauma or abuse.

The Hierarchy of Needs Explained

Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs is usually represented as a five-tier pyramid, where each level corresponds to a specific category of human needs. These needs must be met, starting from the bottom and moving upwards sequentially:

1. Physiological Needs:

* What They Are: These are the most basic human needs, necessary for survival. They include food, water, oxygen, shelter, sleep and clothing. Remember these are the basics, so it’s not about how posh or luxurious the home is or whether the food is gourmet and expensive, but rather are they warm, dry, fed, cared for and safe.

* In Child Development: For children, these needs are absolutely fundamental. A child who is hungry, tired or lacking shelter will not be able to focus on anything beyond these immediate concerns, so deepening our interventions - or indeed their recovery - is futile till these things are resolved. Also, in assessment, we do well not be distracted into focusing on the surface problems, when there may be something far more fundamental missing.

2. Safety Needs:

* What They Are: Once physiological needs are met, the need for safety and security follows next. This is about physical safety, but also things like a stable home environment and enough money to be economically secure. This stage includes emotional security and health, too; kids whose medical or emotional needs are left unmet, can’t settle, never mind recover from life’s bigger challenges.

* In Child Development: A child needs to feel safe from harm, abuse and neglect. A chaotic or unsafe environment will not yield good attachments and the developmental necessities connected with it - like co-regulation and language development. Such an environment can severely hinder a child’s ability to develop trust and confidence and a healthy, balanced internal working model.

3. Love and Belongingness Needs:

* What They Are: Humans have an inherent need for love, connection and belonging; their developing sense of the world, themselves and how to relate to others all depend on this. Healthy, safe and consistent relationships with family, friends and community all play their part. Belonging is different from ‘being related’; inclusive care and the sense that children are wanted by their caregivers, are crucial. As such, children in foster or other substitute care settings can absolutely feel loved and that they belong - in fact, it’s crucial for such care to succeed.

* In Child Development: Children thrive on positive relationships. They need to feel loved and accepted by their family and, eventually, their peers. This is especially important for children who have experienced rejection or separation from birth families or individuals within it. An essential part of who we are relates to who we’re connected to. If children grow without ‘belonging’ how will they go on to make, develop and maintain the relationships on which their future will depend?

4. Esteem Needs:

* What They Are: Esteem needs involve the desire for respect, self-esteem and recognition. People need to feel valued, respected and confident in their abilities if they are to ‘fit’ in the world, contribute to and fully benefit from it.

* In Child Development: Developing a sense of self-worth and confidence is crucial for children. Encouragement, praise and a sense of accomplishment help build a child’s self-esteem by showing them that their ‘value’ in the world is recognised by others. In turn, this will help them muster the confidence they need to navigate daily life in an increasingly independent way, as well as reach out to others, form intimate bonds and fulfil their potential.

5. Self-Actualisation:

* What It Is: This is the highest level in Maslow’s hierarchy. It represents the need to realise one's potential and achieve personal growth. This, more than all the other layers (obviously!), depends on the fulfilment, at least in part, of the previous stages of development. An adult who has never really felt safe, valued or related to others, will struggle to develop the self-esteem they need to push through into new areas, skills, places and experiences - without all that, their lives will be qualitatively limited.

* In Child Development: For very young children, self-actualisation is still a distant goal. But, parents and carers, as well as teachers, tutors, play workers, sports coaches and others, can all contribute to the journey towards this. Encouraging kids to explore their interests and their talents, to express creativity, try new things and pursue their passions will all afford opportunities to explore what ‘might be.’ It’s about helping children become who they truly are and have a sense that that’s what’s happening, without being self-conscious, reluctant or allowing themselves to be limited by anything but their own pursuit of life!

The Pyramid

While often depicted as a pyramid, Maslow himself never used this visual representation.

For me, the advantage of this kind of schematic representation of the theory is two-fold:

* Firstly, is reminds us of the essentially sequential nature of human development - that we grow and mature through a series of stages that have pre-potency - in other words each stage presupposes at least the partial attainment of the one before it. In this respect there’s a co-dependency to the stages - no-one jumps from belonging to self-actualisation. This feature is common to nearly all the major theories of human development.

* Secondly, the pyramid depicts a sense of movement, of potential and of the ongoing importance of the foundational developmental needs - these continue to have relevance, despite the essential developmental progress being achieved. For example, if a child feels unsafe now, this will inevitably unsettle their current functioning, so restoring safety is the issue, not the behaviour that comes from being and feeling unsafe. Bearing this principle in mind can be a useful ongoing guide.

Applying Maslow’s Theory to Child Development

Maslow’s theory suggests that unmet needs at any level can significantly affect a child’s ability to move to the next stage - in other words, children can get ‘stuck’ early in their development, such that progress is significantly hindered.

If a child’s basic needs aren’t met, it’s unlikely they will feel safe. If they don’t feel safe, they won’t be able to trust others and form meaningful relationships and so on.

Understanding this sequence can help us professionals tailor our support to address these needs in the right order.

For me, it’s less about the actual stuff at each stage and more about recognising that development is sequential; it happens in a certain order - this will emerge as a recurring theme as we go through the various theories in this series.

Practical Implications for Social Workers and Professionals

Understanding Maslow's hierarchy can provide a roadmap for working with children who have experienced trauma, abuse or neglect, as well as a range of other difficulties.

Here’re some thoughts on how (as always, NOT an exhaustive list, just a few thoughts from me):

1. Addressing Basic Needs First:

* What to Do: Ensure that the child’s basic physiological and safety needs are met before attempting any therapeutic interventions. This might mean ensuring they have access to food, stable housing, appropriate clothing and medical care.

* Let’s not assume that because a house looks OK on the surface, that all the child’s basic survival needs are being met.

* Speaking to school and other professionals to see what they’ve noticed can help with this. I’ve lost count now how many times I’ve heard teaching colleagues remark that they think a child may be arriving at school hungry, cold, unkempt or tired. Such observations need to be investigated, at least informally.

* Why It’s Important: These are the kinds of things that inject inertia into a child’s development. Resolving them, though, can let the brakes off and free a child to make rapid progress again.

2. Creating a Safe and Stable Environment:

* What to Do: Work towards providing a safe, stable, and predictable environment. This could involve finding safe foster placements or working with families to improve home conditions and/or parenting practices.

* One of the most frequent observations I have to make when helping colleagues work through challenging cases, is that ‘this child isn’t safe.’ And if they’re not safe, nothing else matters. The automatic, pre-conscious survival system - the stress-response system or the alert state - will over-ride everything else (we’ll look at Steven Porges’ Polyvagal Theory in a later post).

* We can’t remove the danger from the child until we remove the child from the danger. It can only happen in that order. This first is hard to do but is relatively quick. The second may take months or years.

* Without these safety needs being met, children not be able to engage in or benefit from higher-level interventions like therapy or educational support. Get this right, though, and you’re rocking and rolling! Progress can be swift as long as consistency and safety are maintained.

* Why It’s Important: Safety is the foundation for all further development. Children who don’t feel safe cannot focus on building relationships or developing self-esteem.

3. Building Relationships:

* What to Do: Encourage and support the development of positive, consistent relationships. This could be with family members, foster carers or peers.

* If a child’s early experience has lacked a sound attachment with a parent or caregiver, they will struggle to trust others and make, maintain and deepen relationships.

* Relationships with other people and the feedback these provide build a child’s image of themselves and their value in the world. Psychologists call this a child’s ‘internal working model.’ Ask yourself, given the way this child behaves and presents, what might their internal (likely subconscious) view of themself be like?

* Help, guide, support and encourage the child and their carers to focus on and build relationships. Having a sense of positive connectedness is intrinsic to and maintaining of a good internal working model, which in turn will feed in to future relationship building.

* For some children this prospect is hard, even terrifying, so we as professionals can help by taking on the long, hard process of helping them get started. Our work is, or should be, more about relating to the child, rather than merely facilitating or organising others to provide care for the child.

* Why It’s Important: Strong, loving relationships help children feel connected and valued. For children who have experienced relational trauma, this can be a slow process, requiring patience and persistence from everyone involved. Knowing this and using our professional status, influence and expertise to ‘hold’ the network around the child while all this unfolds, is time very well spent.

4. Promoting Self-Esteem:

* What to Do: Provide opportunities for the child to experience success and recognise their achievements. Use positive reinforcement and avoid criticism.

* One of the skills I’m most grateful to my psychology colleagues for teaching over the years, is the ability to notice, highlight and celebrate the small wins. Too often we can be disheartened by the apparent lack of progress in the work. But when we do the right thing developmentally and hang in there long enough we will see progress. But you have to look for it. Learning to notice these things is great ammunition when it comes to feeling better ourselves, but also in our role as encouragers of others.

* When children act out a bit less, respond slightly differently or smile a little more for example, it’s likely because something is changing internally and progress is afoot. Taking time to write down such observations can help us stay aware of and capture in our agency records, the incremental forward changes taking place. Developing the skill of noticing the small stuff is invaluable when it comes to signposting others to this, not least the child themselves.

* Why It’s Important: Building self-esteem is crucial for children who have experienced trauma, as they often struggle with feelings of worthlessness or shame. Small, consistent successes can help to slowly rebuild their self-confidence, correct a negative internal working model and provide a firmer foundation for their ongoing developmental progress.

5. Supporting Self-Actualisation:

* What to Do: Encourage children to explore their interests, talents, and aspirations. Provide opportunities for creative expression, learning and personal growth.

* When my son was about 3 years old we took him to a music event where a bunch of little kids were given opportunity to explore various musical instruments. When the playing and the noise died down, the person charge approached us and told us, very seriously, that our child just might be a natural flautist. She said she’d never before seen a 3 year old pick up a flute and get a sound of of it; but he did.

* Now, he never went on to play the flute, but there’s a principle here: when kids are given time and opportunity to explore their talents and preferences, surprises can happen.

* As professionals, we have tons of opportunities to encourage children, parents and carers in this direction. We can actively avoid tropes and caricatures, gendered assumptions and obvious short cuts. We can open up the world to kids just by the way we talk about it and them in such a way that suggests, ‘why not?’ And says, ‘go for it!’

* Kids from troubled families whose start in life has been tough, can still be encouraged to grab life by the throat, explore it with gusto, try new things and find out for themselves. Limitations start in the mind, don’t they? So why can’t we open that up the kids we work with by being catalysts for adventure and joy?

* Why It’s Important: Helping children to discover and pursue their interests supports their overall development and helps them see beyond their past trauma to a future full of potential.

Challenges and Considerations

While Maslow’s theory provides a useful framework, there are challenges in applying it directly to children who have experienced significant trauma:

* Complex Needs: Many children in social care or mental health services have complex, overlapping needs that don’t fit neatly into Maslow’s hierarchy. No taxonomy can be rigidly applied to people, they’re just too varied and complex for that. So it’s important to be flexible and responsive to each child’s unique situation.

* Cultural Differences: The hierarchy is based on Western ideals and may not fully encompass the needs and values of children from different cultural backgrounds, but the basics apply across the piece, in my view. We just may need to think a bit more and be creative to find ways through.

FINAL THOUGHTS

For my money, Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs offers a really helpful perspective for understanding the developmental needs of children, especially those who have experienced trauma or adversity.

For social workers, teachers, youth workers, foster carers, residential staff and other professionals, it serves as a reminder to address the whole child, starting with their most basic needs and working upwards. We must learn to adjust our work interventions to ‘fit’ the current state of play for the child - theoretical models can really help us do that.

By ensuring that children’s fundamental needs are met, creating safe environments, fostering positive relationships, and supporting their self-esteem and personal growth, we can help children heal, grow, and thrive.

While the journey may be challenging, understanding the layers of need provides a valuable guide for making a real difference in the lives of vulnerable children.

See you in the next one!

More Information

* PAPER: A Theory of Human Motivation by A.H.Maslow: downloadable pdf (link) or webpage (link)

* PAPER: The Trauma Recovery Model: Sequencing Youth Justice Interventions For Young People With Complex Needs (link)

* WEBSITE: TRM Academy website (link)

* DOWNLOAD: Get a free downloadable copy of the Trauma Recovery Model (link)

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©️ Jonny Matthew 2024

INTRODUCTION

One of my constant refrains when training is to encourage colleagues to read.

I am, and always have been a passionate believer in the need to stay teachable, hold our practice in an open hand, remaining adaptable and willing to change as we learn.

While I love reading about ADHD, youth justice, recovery from trauma and the brain particularly, I’m mindful that these are quite specific areas of practice. Underlying all these areas of work and the systems in which they sit, is theory.

This series of posts will attempt to summarise theories relevant to anyone in professional practice with troubled children and their families. I’ll focus-to start with at least-on broad theories of child development.

We’re starting with Bronfenbrenner because he came up in conversation with a colleague this week. I know, sorry if you thought I was more considered than that, but…

Here goes!

Ecological systems theory

Child development is a complex and multi-faceted process influenced by a variety of factors, both internal and external. One way of understanding these influences is Urie Bronfenbrenner’s Ecological Systems Theory.

Developed in the 1970s, this theory has since become a cornerstone of developmental psychology and social work, helping professionals understand how different environmental factors interact to shape a child’s growth and behaviour.

In this post, we’ll explore the key components of Bronfenbrenner’s theory and discuss its practical implications for those working with children, particularly those who have experienced trauma or abuse.

***…in order to understand human development, one must consider the entire ecological system in which the growth occurs. (**Bronfenbrenner, 1994)

The Basics of Ecological Systems Theory

Bronfenbrenner’s theory posits that a child’s development is influenced by various systems of their environment, which interact with each other. Bronfenbrenner describes these systems as ‘nested structures, each inside the other like a set of Russian dolls.’*

They are most often depicted as a set of concentric circles moving out incrementally around the child, each influencing their development in unique ways.

Five primary systems:

* Microsystem:

* This is the innermost system, the one closest to the child and includes their immediate environment, such as family, school and peer groups. It’s where the most proximal interactions occur. For example, a child’s relationship with their parents, teachers or friends directly affects their development.

* Mesosystem:

* This layer represents the interactions between the different parts of the microsystem. For example, the relationship between a child’s parents and their teachers or between the family and the child’s peer group. When these elements interact positively, they create a supportive network that promotes the child’s well-being.

* Exosystem:

* The exosystem includes broader societal and community systems that indirectly impact the child, even though at least one of them does not directly involve them. For example, a parent’s workplace, a church or other religious or social group or extended family members. For instance, if a parent is stressed due to a demanding job, this can indirectly affect the child’s emotional environment in the family home.

* Macrosystem:

* This encompasses the wider cultural and societal context in which a child develops. It includes cultural values, laws, community, social or ethnic/religious norms. For example, societal attitudes towards education, gender roles or mental health can influence how a child is parented and what opportunities are available to them growing up.

* Chronosystem:

* This dimension adds the element of time, reflecting the changes and transitions that occur in a child’s life, such as parental divorce, oscillations in family wealth/poverty, moving to a new town, political changes or the broader historical context like economic recessions or technological advancements. These changes can have significant, long-lasting effects on a child’s growth and development.

Application: Putting theory into practice

Understanding Bronfenbrenner’s Ecological Systems Theory can help the full range of child care professionals develop a holistic approach to working with children, especially those who have experienced trauma or adverse childhood experiences (ACEs).

Here’re some thoughts on how the theory can inform practice:

1. Holistic Assessment and Intervention

* Consider Multiple Influences: When assessing a child’s situation, it’s essential to consider all the systems in play. A child’s behaviour can’t understood in isolation; professionals need to look at the family dynamics (microsystem), school environment (mesosystem), and broader societal influences (macrosystem). Noting how these have changed over time (chronosystem) can be useful, too.

* Tailored Interventions: Interventions should be designed to address issues across different systems. For example, if a child is struggling in school due to bullying, a social worker might need to work with the family to improve home support, collaborate with the school to address bullying policies, the youth justice or youth work team for some prevention work with the protagonist and perhaps connect the family with community resources (exosystem) for additional support.

2. Strengthening the Microsystem

* Family Support: Strengthening the family unit is often crucial. This system is the most immediate, the most influential-particularly in the early years- and the most invested. Action here might involve providing parenting support, improving communication within the family or addressing /supporting any domestic issues that might be impacting the child.

* School Collaboration: Engaging with schools can help to ensure they are aware of the child’s needs, can take account of the challenges the child faces during the day and are equipped to support them. Creating a positive school environment can act as a protective factor against a whole range of adversities. For kids living in less stable environments or dealing with parenting inconsistencies, school is often the principal stabilising factor in their lives; as such, recognising and bolstering this ‘system’ can be transformational.

3. Building Effective Mesosystem Connections

* Facilitating Communication: Encourage and facilitate communication between different parts of the child’s microsystem, such as between parents and teachers or social workers and healthcare providers (mesosystem). Coordinated support networks are more effective than isolated efforts; so again, recognising and strengthening interactions between these systems can help ‘hold’ or ‘contain’ the developing child more effectively.

* Promoting Consistency: Ensure that different support systems provide consistent messages and interventions. For example, if a child is receiving therapy, ensuring that parents and teachers are also aware of the therapy goals can help reinforce positive changes. Feedback loops between the different aspects of the child’s microsystem, can smooth the way for interventions to gain traction and take effect. It is often child-centred professionals who can most effectively take on this inter-agency advocacy role.

4. Addressing Exosystem Factors

* Supporting Parents and Caregivers: This involves recognising the stressors that parents and carers may be under, such as unemployment or mental health issues, which can impact their ability to care for the child. Encouraging and enabling parents and other key adults to proactively understand and foster links between the systems influencing them and the knock-on effect on the child, helps them see and think systemically. In turn, they can be more settled, freeing up emotional resources to parent more effectively. Providing resources and support for the adults in the child’s life is crucial.

* Community Resources: Connect families with community resources such as counselling, charitable services, financial assistance/benefits, peer or professional support groups or educational programs. The availability and accessibility of these resources can significantly influence a child’s development by influencing the people closest to and most influential in setting the child’s immediate environment (microsystem).

5. Considering Macrosystem Influences

* Cultural Sensitivity: Being aware of the cultural background of the child and family, respecting and integrating values and beliefs into your work can make assessments more thorough and insightful and interventions better targeted, more effective and more acceptable to the family. Constantly developing our own knowledge and awareness of minoritised groups and staying mindful of our own confirmation bias can help us avoid bad habits in the work.

* Advocacy: Engage in advocacy work to influence policies that impact children and families. Frontline professionals have valuable insights to offer those making policy further up the agency, local authority, charity or private sector food chains. Both our own views, forged in the crucible of everyday practice, and the views of the children themselves as we represent them to others, can lend a powerful influence to ongoing policy development and even legislation. This might involve working towards more equitable educational opportunities, better mental health services, more targeted intervention options or policies that support work-life balance for parents, to name but a few.

6. Responding to the Chronosystem

* Supporting Transitions: Be especially attentive to significant changes in the child’s life, such as moving homes, changes in family structure or entering adolescence. One to the most recurrent and poorly handled of these in my working world, is when teenagers transition to adult services - whether it be in the criminal justice, social work or mental health systems. The other is when young people leave a custodial or other secure setting. These transitions can be times of hugely elevated vulnerability and require tons of planning and additional support.

* Long-Term Perspective: Understand that the effects of trauma or adverse experiences may not be immediate. Some challenges may emerge or evolve over time, requiring ongoing monitoring and support. I’ve noted many times over the years that children sexually abused in their younger years may not show any outward signs (and therefore receive no treatment or other help) until they reach adolescence; becoming a sexual being at puberty sometimes precipitates the need to finally deal with old wounds. Taking the longer view and remaining mindful of the later impact of early stressors can help children navigate the blips and hiccups they experience along the way and stay on course.

FINAL THOUGHTS

Bronfenbrenner’s Ecological Systems Theory provides a pretty comprehensive framework for understanding the various influences on a child’s development.

By recognising that a child’s behaviour and well-being are shaped by multiple, interacting systems, child care professionals can adopt a more holistic and effective approach to supporting children and families. Whether through direct support, strengthening families, community engagement or advocacy, applying this theory can help create a more supportive environment for children to grow, heal, and thrive.

Is there any other way?

See you in the next one!

More information

* PAPER: *Ecological Models of Human Development - Urie Bronfenbrenner (link)

* PAPER: For an ecological look at youth justice see Diana Johns et al’s paper (download link)

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©️ Jonny Matthew 2024

INTRODUCTION

Today, a good mate of mine-an experienced and capable social worker-sent me a link to an article. It was all about an Australian social worker using AI to produce a child protection court report - and getting sacked for it.

This set me thinking.

Of course, we know that AI is already being used for all kids of sordid and distasteful purposes from deep fakes of political figures through to the production of child abuse images. But this was a new idea to me, at least in as much as I hadn’t thought we’d be looking at a ban on using AI at work.

But here we are; someone writing a report for a child protection court hearing used AI and got it badly wrong.

A caveat

I need to preface the rest of this post with the clear statement that I’m no AI expert. Not even close. I’m pretty savvy with my gadgets to get stuff done, but I’ve never written a line of code in my life never mind even begun to understand how an AI works.

That said, I’ve been using AI for about a year or so now and have learned a few things on the way. So what I share here is a reflection of that - a metaphorical dipping of the digital toe in the vast waters of modern technological wizardry. Nothing more.

A fundamental misunderstanding…

My first reaction to the Guardian piece about the child protection worker using AI for a court report was, ‘they clearly didn’t use it very well.’

It sounds like the person in question fed confidential client information into the AI, asked it to write the report they wanted, hit ‘generate’ and then put the AI-generated text in a report that then went to the court.

This, I think, illustrates one of the misunderstandings about AI that needs de-bunking - that ‘it’ can ‘just produce’ what you want with minimal effort on your part and most people won’t twig that it’s written by a ‘machine.’

At best, this is a cursory and shallow take on what is a vastly complex and capable technology.

Mistakes this worker seems to have made

A more detailed, practical understanding of how to apply AI capabilities in everyday working scenarios, needs a grasp of one or two guiding principles:

* While AI can research, collate and organise huge amounts of information in frighteningly quick time, this is a very broad notion. The specifics of what it produces may or may not be accurate for the use-case the human user has in mind.

* Meaning, when it comes to words, phrases, contexts, cultures and professional fora (to name but a few) is hugely broad. The AI’s use of any particular word or phrase may or may not be suitable to the human purposes it was generated to serve.

* AIs produce information that is inaccurate, out of date, false and unsuitable in connection with the question/s it was asked. This brings us on to another really key point…

* Humans need to check, edit and fine tune pretty much everything they get from an AI, if it’s to serve any useful purpose in the real world.

Based on these very pedestrian ideas about AI, we have to exercise caution in how it’s used. Remember, artificial intelligences learn what humans teach them (for now at least), so those same human intelligences need to think carefully, be very wise and use the utmost discretion in what they use it for.

Lessons from Oz

Some thoughts about where the child protection worker in the Guardian story might have gone wrong:

* There’s no ‘might’ about the first one: no-one should be putting confidential information into an AI without the explicit permission of the ‘data owner.’ That’s just a massive own-goal. In the UK, adherence to this very basic rule of GDPR is a non-negotiable.

* The AI cannot make or replace professional human judgments in respect of detailed, nuanced and discretionary information about, for example, whether something does or doesn’t put a child at risk. Humans have to do that (at least at the moment).

* Presenting an AI-generated report to the court without thoroughly checking it first and adding the kind of detailed human insight mentioned above, is just daft. On a good day.

* It’s deeply disrespectful to the service user (the subject/s of the report) not to read and re-read each word, humanise it (in every sense) and add in the nuanced and detailed aspects that only a human professional who knows the family can possibly know.

So, this story is more an example of how not to use an AI, rather than a comment on the usefulness or otherwise of the AI itself. It’s the person that’s at fault here, not the AI.

The good stuff

Leaving aside the shortcomings highlighted in this particular example, there is a case to be made for employing AI in any work context where sifting information, organising text and conducting research are needed (to mention just a few).

Emails

Every week, we all write dozens and dozens of emails. AI can absolutely help with this.

Often, these kinds of things can be done with absolutely no threat to confidentiality by observing a couple of basic rules:

* Never use someone’s name or include any identifying details - insert a letter or a pseudonym instead (e.g. ‘X’ or ‘Snow White). Or just don’t use a name at all - often it’s not necessary.

* Think less about the AI producing what you want and more about it drafting something you can fine tune to use. Here’s an example:

* Prompt the AI about the purpose and meaning of the email only. For example:

‘Write me an email to a health professional of senior standing asking firmly, but politely, for a response to my email. Point out that it’s now over a week since I wrote and I need a response urgently. Use a tone which communicates politeness, respect and urgency.’

* Here’s what ChatGPT 4.0 came up with using exactly that prompt:

* Pretty good, eh? And definitely a timer saver. No confidentialities breached, no-one’s data passed on without authority; just a really efficient use of the technology to get something done.

And it took 5.5 seconds! In fact it took me a lot longer to prompt the AI than the AI took to generate the answer.

But that’s how it should be - the effort we put in pays off, but we have to do the work at the front end and then again afterwards, to make sure we get the best out of it, keep everyone (and their info) safe and don’t break any laws.

Self-help

If you’re new to this, or even if you’re not, we can all learn a lot about writing good prompts by asking the AI to help us improve. So draft your prompt and then ask something like this:

You are a prompt engineer. Review the following prompt, optimise it to make it better and ask me any questions you have before generating your answer. [then insert your draft prompt]

The AI will then fine tune the prompt make any adjustments to improve it and you can use that to generate what you need.

This short extra step in the process can help us become better prompters, save time on the front end and generate more targeted responses - win win win!

A myriad

This is just scratching the surface of how generative AI can help. There are a myriad others, too. Here are some of them:

* Automate Repetitive Tasks: Handle data entry, scheduling, and other routine tasks.

* Answer Emails Quickly: Draft responses or even respond to common queries automatically (see above).

* Personalise Communication: Tailor emails or messages based on the recipient's preferences.

* Summarise Long Documents: Create short summaries of reports, articles or meeting notes.

* Generate Ideas: Help brainstorm ideas for projects, presentations or content.

* Analyse Data: Quickly find patterns and trends in large datasets.

* Write Reports: Draft reports based on available information or data (but not in the way our Ozzy colleague did!).

* Create Presentations: Generate slide content based on topics or data provided (I’m itching to try this!).

* Customer Support: Answer FAQs or chat with customers through AI-powered chatbots.

* Schedule Meetings: Coordinate calendars and suggest optimal meeting times.

* Translate Languages: Translate documents or emails quickly and accurately.

* Edit and Proofread: Check for grammar, spelling, and tone in written communication.

* Research Topics: Gather quick information or insights on topics for reports or planning.

* Manage Tasks: Track to-dos, remind you of deadlines, and organise tasks.

* Generate Graphics or Visuals: Create charts, infographics, and simple images (like the one at the top of this page).

FINAL THOUGHTS

So there you have it - I just about managed to resist getting in too far out of my depth!

AI has tremendous potential to offer when it comes to improving efficiency, taking care of laborious repetitive tasks, processing mass datasets AND saving us time. It can do things more quickly, thoroughly and consistently than we can. But not everything. Not yet, anyway.

It can’t meet someone, build trust, form a human connection and use that connection to bring healing, companionship and recovery. It can’t inject an assessment or court report with the uniquely person-to-person empathic dimension needed to really understand someone’s needs. Only we can do this.

So IF we decide to use AI at work, and if we manage to do so without breaking any laws or betraying any trusts, let’s remember that we have to front load it with effort so that it’ll produce something helpful; then let’s check it, change it and improve it by bringing some humanity, professionalism and kindness to it so that we retain the thing that matters most - the human dimension.

See you in the next one!

More information:

* WEB ARTICLE: ‘AI ban ordered after child protection worker used ChatGPT in court case.’ (link)

* WEB ARTICLE: Internet Watch Foundation - use of AI to produce CSA imagery - (link)

* WEB RESOURCE: Artificially Generated Child Sexual Abuse Images - update from the Centre of Expertise on Child Sexual Abuse (link)

* BOOK: The Coming Wave - great book by one of the father’s of AI (link)

* BOOK: Nexus by Yuval Noah Harari - just brilliant! (link)

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©️ Jonny Matthew 2024

INTRODUCTION

The influence of smartphones on children’s development, learning and safety is increasingly concerning. Lots of the cases I hear about in my forensic work have a digital element whereby the child’s safety is in some way under threat - or has been long since compromised - in some way that involves phones.

Research and expert insights suggest that unrestricted smartphone use by young people negatively impacts their education, social growth and general security.

This post attempts to lay out my current thinking (it’s evolving!) on why banning or at least limiting smartphone use for children under 16 is not just beneficial but essential for their well-being.

I want to suggest 3 main reasons for this, plus some additional thoughts in respect of particularly vulnerable children. Lastly, as always, I want to think a little about how we as practitioners with troubled kids can help.

1. Improving Educational Focus and Outcomes

Smartphones are a significant distraction in the classroom. Talking to a good friend last weekend - she’s an assistant head in a large inner city high school - it was clear what her view was…

‘Ban them tomorrow and school would be a much better place. Learning would be better, friendships would be better - they’d be so much more able to just be kids!’

That’s clear then.

Evidence shows that when children have unrestricted access to phones, their attention span and ability to focus on schoolwork diminish considerably. In England, around 29% of secondary pupils report using their phones inappropriately during lessons. Schools that have already banned phones report immediate improvements, including better classroom behaviour and an environment more conducive to learning (1)

Countries such as France and Italy have implemented similar bans with measurable success, leading to calmer classrooms and improved academic performance. China has restrictions in place already and the Dutch are expected to do the same imminently.

UNESCO (the UN’s educational, scientific and cultural body) has highlighted that restricting smartphone access is linked to higher educational achievements and reductions in classroom disruption.

* My view: have a total ban on smartphones for kids till they finish their statutory education. If that’s too much, start with a ban in schools, evaluate the outcomes thoroughly and adapt from there.

* Statistic: By the age of 12, 97% of children in the UK own a mobile phone, showing that a majority of kids have constant access which can interfere with learning (1).

* Read More: UNESCO General Secretary supports a ban on mobile phones in school

2. Enhancing Social Development

Excessive smartphone use disrupts children’s social development, interrupting critical play during the formative years. Without phones, children are more likely to engage face-to-face with each other and with adults, thus developing vital attachments, communication skills and emotional learning.

Schools that have banned phones have noticed increased participation in physical activities, group interactions and social engagement among pupils.

A study from ParentKind found that 44% of parents are concerned about the impact of their children’s phone usage, particularly on their ability to form meaningful relationships. Half of families argue regularly about how much time their children spend on screens and the average screen time per day for a child is 3.3 hours - some spend more time online than in school (3, p.3-4).

Minimising screen time would help children to play more, to develop stronger interpersonal skills and would all but eradicate online bullying. Without screens, a kid getting bullied in school can walk away from it at the end of the day, instead of carrying it home in their pocket!

* My view: We need a massive public education campaign about the dangers of smartphone and other screen use for children. Wise parents will refuse their kids a phone until high school or, at the very least, restrict the time spent and the content they can access. If kids weren’t on their screens for over 3 hours a day, they’d be doing other things - probably things that are perfectly safe and much more beneficial to a balanced development. We should do whatever we can to seize back this time while they’re still kids.

* Statistic: 50% of parents with secondary-aged children worry about the effects of excessive phone usage on their children’s social skills.

* Read More: ParentKind National Parent Survey 2024.

3. Protecting Children from Online Risks

Notwithstanding it’s myriad delights the internet, and the device inter-connectivity it brings, presents a pantheon of threats for kids, including exposure to age-inappropriate content, contact with dangerous people and cyberbullying - to name the obvious ones.

Limiting smartphone use for children ensures that they are shielded from these dangers while their digital skills and understanding of online safety are developed under supervision - ideally through a mix of education at school and at home.

The UK government has introduced measures to restrict phone use in schools, aligning with its broader strategy to make the UK a safer digital environment for children (4). This step reflects the commitment to safeguarding young people and ensuring they learn about digital safety in a controlled context.

While lots of kids say they don’t see upsetting things online and haven’t been threatened, bullied or contacted by dodgy people (5), plenty have. Isn’t it better to ur on the safe side and relax things later, than do too little and risk more victims?

* My view: Give kids a brick phone to use, if you have to. They can call home or contact friends on that. Then proactively teach them the joys of the online world and it’s myriad benefits in a safe way. When they’re older (like around 16 or 17?) give them a smartphone.

* Statistic: In a recent survey, 16% of young adults in the USA said they had been sexually harmed online before the age of 18 (7) - that’s 8 out of every 50 children!

* Read More: UK Government guidance for schools in England on mobile phone use

A word about sexual images

May be this will be another post at a later date, but I wanted to mention the growing issue of sexual images being used coercively or to harm - this is something that crops up quite a bit in my work in forensics and the HSB field.

Among the things happening to young people (more teenagers than prepubescent kids) are:

* Non-consensual sharing of sexual images (sometimes called non-consensual sexting or revenge porn) usually by other young people, though not always

* Non-consensual taking of sexual images (sometimes called up-skirting)

* Non-consensual making of sexual images (where someone uses a ‘base’ photo and then creates a sexual image or deepfake from it)

* Threats, force or pressure to provide sexual images

* Threats to share sexual images

* Commercial sexual exploitation - where kids are convinced or coerced into providing images for sale on websites or elsewhere

To read more on this see the Turner et al paper cited below (6). Suffice to say, though, that any of these is a shocking betrayal of childhood that can only occur due to the widespread, usually unsupervised, use of powerful digital technology by children and young people.

If you want a good reason to limit mobile phone use for children, here are six of them.

Additional Benefits for Vulnerable Children

While a smartphone ban benefits all children, it is particularly vital for those who have experienced trauma, such as children in care, those who are exploited or those without protective adults. These children often lack guidance in navigating the digital world safely and face higher risks of harm due to their impaired development; things like:

* The need for attention and affection

* Struggles with differentiating love and sex, and

* An undirected yearning for connection

For children in care, smartphones may be their only connection to the outside world. However, without adequate supervision, these devices become a gateway for online grooming, bullying and other dangers. Restricting smartphone access allows caregivers and professionals to establish a relationship of trust, gradually teaching safe technology use while providing the needed protection of trusted adults - a crucial template for kids to take forward once they leave the system and begin to live more independently.

Children who have suffered exploitation are also more likely to be targeted through their phones. By controlling access until they have received appropriate digital safety training and the maturity to use it, we reduce these risks and offer them a more secure environment to recover and grow.

How Practitioners Can Support Families and Young People

Professionals working with troubled children, such as social workers, educators, and foster carers, play a critical role in balancing technology use.

Here are some strategies practitioners can recommend (as always, not remotely an exhaustive list, just a few thoughts on how we can encourage safety for kids in the digital world):

* Set Boundaries: Encourage families to establish clear limits on smartphone use, such as no devices during mealtimes, before bed or while doing homework. Children respond well to routines that are consistent and predictable - so encouraging parents to set boundaries and stick to them is important.

* Promote Digital Literacy: Offer workshops or one-on-one sessions that teach children and families about online safety, including how to spot inappropriate behaviour and how to protect personal information. Or, more straight forwardly, have a list of tips and resources families can access for help with this stuff.

* Encourage Offline Activities: Encourage engaging offline hobbies like sports, art, reading, youth groups or clubs and other community activities to shift focus away from screens. It may seem old-fashioned but most areas are still not that far from a local cub scout or guiding group - these provide a vast range of opportunities in a regular and structured setting where friendships and offline activities can flourish.

* Use Parental Controls: Advise parents and carers to use parental control software to monitor and limit internet access. This helps keep children safe while they learn how to navigate the digital world responsibly. Encourage them to frequently monitor their kid’s phone - central to this is the insistence that you always know the PIN, unlock code or password, so you can get in without warning (I used to remove the phone when the kids were distracted or asleep for checks like this).

* Model Positive Behaviour: Practitioners should model balanced smartphone use themselves, showing children that devices are tools, not central to social or emotional life. Encouraging parents to do the same will help them model good use of technology.

By implementing measures like these, we can guide families in creating healthier smartphone habits, ensuring that young people gain the benefits of technology while hopefully avoiding the risks.

Policy Recommendations

The House of Commons Education Committee has suggested several measures to address the concerns surrounding smartphone use among children. These include:

* A potential ban on selling smartphones to under-16s.

* Default installation of parental controls on phones.

* Stricter controls in app stores to prevent children from accessing inappropriate content.

* A statutory ban on mobile phone use in schools.

* A consultation on raising the minimum age for social media accounts to 16 (1, 4).

FINAL THOUGHTS

I realise that in writing this as an old giffer my views might seem anachronistic, and I know that my argument isn’t terribly well-thought-through. Not least around the specifics of any ban and how it would be implemented and policed.

Despite all this, I think there’s some real merit in some of these ideas.

Whatever your view, and whatever the challenges of actually making something happen on the ground in the real world, I think there’s one thing we must absolutely not do - and that’s nothing!

I love my tech and wouldn’t want to be without it. But putting all that power in the pocket of a child is just stupid and I think it’s time we did something about it.

See you in the next one.

References

* (1) Feb 2024 UK Government press release (link)

* (2) UNESCO calls for ban on mobile phones in school (link)

* (3) ParentKind - The National Parent Survey 2024 (link)

* (4) UK Government guidance on banning mobile phone use at school (link)

* (5) For a contrary view, read Prof. Andy Phippen’s article for The Conversation (link)

* (6) Turner et al (2024) Contexts and Characteristics of Imaged-Based Sexual Exploitation and Abuse of Children: Incident Dynamics in a National Sample Child Maltreatment, Vol.0(0) 1-14. DOI: 10.1177/10775595241233970

* (7) Key Messages from Research - on harmful sexual behaviour in online contexts - from the Centre of Expertise on Child Sexual Abuse (link)

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©️ Jonny Matthew 2024

INTRODUCTION

I’ve been trying (and struggling!) to capture some of my thinking, now that I’m over 30 years in professional practice with troubled kids. I want to distill some of the key lessons I’ve learned into a series of practice emphases or foci.

It’s hard, though.

Every time I think I’ve got hold of something, it either slips away or I think of something else more important. So I’ve settled for riffing on one or two broad themes in the hope that it will make sense to others and maybe even encourage them to hone their skills for the good of the kids they serve.

So here goes - this one’s on child-centred practice; sad to say that in my experience this is much lauded but rarely realised. Lots of people and agencies trip out the phrase without managing to do it in practice.

For all that, it remains a very worthy aspiration.

Core Principles of Child-Centred Practice (CCP)

This is my take on CCP:

* Holistic Understanding of the Child:

* See the child as a whole person, not just through the lens of their behaviour, presentation or circumstances.

* Recognise their emotional, psychological, physical, and social needs, and understand how trauma or adversity might shape their current presentation.

* Above all, think developmentally - a little more on this later in the post.

* Voice and Agency:

* Prioritise the child's voice, wherever possible, in decision-making and system processes that affect them.

* Empower them to express their feelings, needs and aspirations - remembering that it takes time to build trust before this can happen.

* Validate their experiences and actively listen to their perspectives, even when they might be challenging to hear or make more work for us.

* Relationship-Based Approach:

* Build trust through consistent, compassionate and respectful interactions.

* Understand that positive, stable relationships can be transformative for children who have experienced instability and loss.

* Use these relationships as the foundation for all interventions, recognising that healing often happens in the context of safe, nurturing connections.

* Listen well. Really well!

* Trauma-Informed Care:

* Be aware of how trauma may be influencing the child’s behaviour and responses. They may be in the moment with you now, but be behaving out of what happened years ago. Flashbacks & dissociation may be a feature.

* Avoid re-traumatisation - maintain a calm, predictable and safe environment.

* Use a strengths-based approach, focusing on resilience-building and recovery rather than just problems or deficits.

* Developmentally Appropriate Interventions:

* Tailor interventions to the child’s developmental stage and unique needs.

* Recognise that trauma and adversity can delay or alter typical developmental trajectories and adjust expectations accordingly.

* This means ‘forgetting’ how old they are in years, so that binterventions target the current developmental reality not what their age suggests ‘should’ be in place ‘by now.’.

* Collaboration with Families and Networks:

* Work in partnership with families, carers and other professionals to create a supportive network around the child - work hard not to lose the child in the crowd, though.

* Engage families in a non-judgmental way, acknowledging their skills and strengths, and the child’s need for their involvement - as long as it’s safe and appropriate to do so.

* Reflective Practice and Supervision:

* Regularly reflect on your own practice, biases, and emotional responses.

* Seek supervision and support from peers and mentors to manage the emotional demands of the work and to ensure high-quality, reflective practice.

* Stay teachable and read a lot!

* Flexibility and Adaptability:

* Recognise that each child’s needs are unique and can change in the moment - standard interventions (whatever they are) may not always apply.

* Ask, ‘what do they need?’ not ‘what have we got to offer?’

* Be prepared to adapt your approach based on the child’s feedback, changing circumstances, in-the-moment presentation and emerging needs.

* Remember, we serve them not the other way ‘round.

Implementing Child-Centred Practice

I’m trying here to be a little more specific about the ‘hows’ of all this.

* Assessment:

* Go beyond standard assessments; explore the child’s world through their eyes.

* Include the child’s own description of their strengths, struggles and what they need to feel safe and supported when writing your assessments and reports.

* Be a voice for them not just to them.

* Planning and Intervention:

* Co-create care and intervention plans with the child whenever you can, making them an active participant. If they have some ownership of it, they likely have more commitment to it.

* Set realistic, small goals that the child can achieve, building their confidence and sense of agency.

* Review and Adaptation:

* Regularly review the child’s progress and be open to changing the plan based on new insights or changes in the child’s situation.

* Ask them specifically and regularly how it’s going. What’s working and what isn’t. Do they want more or less of something, or to try something new?

* Celebrate successes, however small, to reinforce positive change and growth. Be a careful observer so you can highlight the small steps of progress along the way.

Tips for Younger or Less Experienced Practitioners:

* Patience and Persistence:

* Building trust and making a difference takes time, especially with children who have been let down by adults before.

* It takes a long time to really mess up someone’s childhood; so expect it to take a while to see things change for the better.

* Don’t be discouraged by setbacks; they are a natural part of the process. Empathise with their disappointments first, then help them see that it’s just a hiccup.

* Help the child learn that life is partly about hanging in there, but patience nearly always pays off in the end.

* Self-Care:

* The work is emotionally demanding. Take care of your own well-being to sustain your capacity to care for others.

* Be proactive in looking after yourself - it never happens passively or by default.

* Regularly review how your doing in the work so you can amend and adapt as you go along, rather than waiting till things get a bit ragged before changing things.

* Check out my little book on self-care for people working with troubled children and teenagers. There’s also an online course on this - here.

* Curiosity and Humility:

* Stay curious about each child’s unique experience and resist the urge to fit them into preconceived categories.

* Encourage them to think about and explore with you how they’re doing - learning that it’s OK, even healthy, to talk about their feelings is a valuable life lesson.

* Accept that you won’t have all the answers and be willing to learn from the child, their family and your colleagues. Take time to actively reflect on what happened, capture the practice lessons - and then go again.

FINAL THOUGHTS

This approach combines evidence-based practice with the wisdom gained from years of hands-on experience, aiming to nurture the potential within each child and help them heal, grow and thrive.

But we all have to do this stuff in the real world. So take active control of your own learning, through things like supervision, reflective practice and constant reading.

In the end, even though we all believe in child-centred practice, the aspect of work we have most control over is us. So let’s do it - that way we stand the best chance of keeping the kids we serve front and centre in everything we do!

See you in the next one.

More information:

* WEB ARTICLE: Establishing trust and child-centred practice in safeguarding (link)

* UN Convention: See article 12 particularly (link)

* BOOK: Looking After No.1 - Self-Care for People Working With Troubled Children (link)

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©️ Jonny Matthew 2024

INTRODUCTION

Lately I’ve been working on a book chapter with a colleague - it’s about kids and why their age and stage of development is especially important when it comes to assessing sexually reactive and/or harmful behaviour.

The research for the chapter has sent me back to some of the basics of child development in general and the emergence of children as sexual beings in particular.

No-one wants to talk about child sexual abuse (CSA) and sexual offending - why would they? The whole thing is pretty grim and all the more so because children are involved.

But such is the nature of the problem that it is always there. It never goes away or fades or ceases to be relevant for the children themselves or for those who work with them.

So here’s a short overview to refresh your memory and (hopefully!) energise your practice if you’re helping kids where this might be an issue…

Lots of the data & other info for this post is borrowed from the CSA Centre’s ‘Scale and Nature’ report - see their excellent website here.

Prevalence

Establishing good prevalence data is tricky. Surveys, questionnaires and research studies all ask different questions of different sample groups for different reasons.

For example:

* The NSPCC child maltreatment study* asked adults about CSA experiences up to being 18 years old.

* 24.1% responded positively for some form of CSA

* The Crime Survey for England & Wales asked about childhood abuse

* 7.5% reported experiences of CSA

So it’s tricky.

The Centre of Expertise on Child Sexual Abuse has done extensive work on all aspects of CSA since they were established in 2017. Here is their latest aggregation of the broad prevalence data:

Taking into account the variations in prevalence studies for England and Wales, the data suggests that at least 15% of girls/young women and 5% of boys/young men experience some form of sexual abuse before the age of 16, including abuse by adults and under-18s. Source**

In raw numbers that looks like this:

Source

The nature of CSA - the ‘what’

The challenges with obtaining sound prevalence data are mirrored in efforts to categorise the amount of each kind of child sexual abuse. Suffice to say that these are numerous!

From a practice perspective, having a good grasp of the wide range of factors contributing to an abusive scenario is important.

Factors include (not an exhaustive list):

* Intra or extra-familial abuse

* Abuse by adults, teenagers or other children

* Contact or non-contact abuse

* Penetrative or non-penetrative acts

* Abuse by females, males, young , old, related or unrelated

* By friends, family, professionals, community members…

* Online abuse or exposing children to sexual material

* Hearing, seeing or experiencing the abuse of others

* One-off or serial abusive experiences

* Exploitative/transactional abuse (there’s an ‘exchange’)

* Known or unknown (stranger) perpetrators

For children, of course, all of these are horrific and can be life-changing in their impact. Many children experience numerous forms of abuse from a number of different people; abuse can happen singularly, over a short period or serially over years.

💡 Practice tip: being mindful of the vast range of potential abusive scenarios keeps us from being blinkered in our investigations and assessments; being suspicious of our own confirmation bias is critical.

The victims of CSA - the ‘who’

The other key domain in looking at CSA is the ‘who’ of it - who does it and who do they do it to. Again, these are tricky to tease out from the data but here are some information points to inform our thinking.

- Groups of kids who seem to be at higher risk for child sexual abuse:

* Girls - 3 times as likely as boys to describe experiences of CSA

* Children with disabilities - twice as likely to describe experiences of sexual abuse as non-disabled peers

* Kids living in care homes - 4 times as likely to have experienced CSA

* Neglected kids - 5 times as likely to have experienced CSA than non-neglected children

- Perpetrators of CSA by victim group, include:

* Penetrative behaviours tend to be committed by people known to the victim***

* For boys, these people are often authority figures

* For girls and young women, they are family members

* For women, they are fathers, stepfathers or other family members

The pattern here (for contact/in-person abuse, at least) is that children are much more likely to know their abuser than not know them.

💡 Practice tip: Stranger danger is not really a big thing in the offline field of CSA perpetration. Looking closer to home and the community - to the context of the child’s life generally - is a more likely source of the abuse. (Check out the Contextual Safeguarding Network for more info on this and what can be done about it)

- Telling someone about what happened

We’ve known that most children and young people don’t tell anyone about what happened at or near the time of the abuse. Many wait until they become adults before disclosing their experiences; a majority never speak of it.

* 5 out of 6 people who said they’d been abused by another child didn’t tell anyone

* One third of people who said they were abused by an adult didn’t tell anyone

* One in five adults responding to the Crime Survey*** had never told anyone

* Children and young people who do tell someone, tend to tell a family member or a friend, rather than a professional

* Agencies estimate that they are told at the time of the abuse in less than 10% of cases…

* …and they were told later in only about 25% of cases.

According to the same survey, the following are the most common reasons for not telling anyone about the abuse they experienced

* Embarrassment

* Fear

* Not being believed

* Fear of humiliation (no surprises there)

Practice implications

We could go on all day with summarising the data on this - but who’d want to do that? (Read a brilliant summary of it all - here - that’s where I nicked most of this from!)

The point, though, is that we use this knowledge to do a better job for the kids we serve at work.

Here are a few ideas:

- Beware confirmation bias

Being mindful of the vast range of potential abusive scenarios guards us from being distracted, blinkered or accepting the most obvious explanation in our investigations and assessments; being suspicious of our own confirmation bias is critical. The easy tropes, habitual heuristics and stereotypes in our thinking must be resisted and overcome if we are to to really see the child and what might be going on.

- Screening in till there’s a reason to screen it out

This is a practice ideal I come back to time and time again.

The more we know about a problem-in this case child sexual abuse-the less likely we are to miss something important when responding to children. Using the information we know from research, the literature and our pervious professional experiences, can safeguard us against this. I prefer to think that all possibilities may be present, until I have a reason to believe they’re not. That way my thinking is driven by what I know rather than by what I assume to be true.

The more I know, the less I assume.

- Work with families

Given the above data about the prevalence of abuse within families and by known others, we must tread carefully. The child’s family may well be the most likely source of their abuse, but it’s also the place they are most likely to find someone they can talk to about it, feel safe with and recover.

We, the professionals, are rarely the person the child will tell. So thinking about how we can get to know the family and understand its functioning and the child’s relationships within it, will help us to lend support to the people and processes best suited to helping the child disclose and begin to move on.

- Avoid taking the easy route

When resources are stretched and colleagues are stressed it’s so easy to fall into the trap - as agencies/teams and as individuals - of batting things away. This might be through increasingly high thresholds, such that accessing services gets harder and harder. It might be a team culture that prides itself in batting away referrals that aren’t very obviously urgent or high risk. It might be we succumb to the temptation to believe what we’re told straight away and avoid digging deeper. Tiredness, an endless glut of cases, low staffing levels, limited budgets and exhaustion can all fuel this stuff…

But there might just be a child who needs our help, a non-abusing parent looking for hope or a situation ripe for disruption and resolution - I, for one, don’t want to miss that.

FINAL THOUGHTS

None of this is easy. In fact, it can be overwhelmingly grim, at times. But I’m always struck by what an immense privilege it is to be working in a field that includes the imperative to keep kids safe.

Having a clear sense of what might be going wrong for a child - in this case sexual abuse - can help us to do the best we can, to work at our optimum and, hopefully, to do some good in the world and help put the beast that is child sexual abuse to death once and for all.

Let me know your thoughts…

See you in the next one.

More information:

* WEB ARTICLE: See this short read on confirmation bias by my good mate, Alex Clapson (link)

* PAPER: * Radford, L. et al. (2011) Child abuse and neglect in the UK today. London: NSPCC (link)

* PAPER: ** CSA Centre: Scale & Nature of Child Sexual Abuse: A Review of the Evidence (link)

* STATS: *** Office for National Statistics: Child Abuse Extent & Nature (report link) (appendix tables link)

* WEBSITE: Contextual Safeguarding Network (link)

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©️ Jonny Matthew 2024

INTRODUCTION

I’ve spent most of my career, 30+ years of it now, working in or alongside the youth justice system.

It’s a passion of mine to see a system evolve that treats children as children and which offers hope of recovery rather than (more) punishment and injustice.

We have a new government in the UK now and with it a new opportunity to change the system for the better. This recent report by the Alliance for Youth Justice offers an agenda for change that could really help.

This post is a summary of that agenda. To read the full briefing report go here.

Context

In broad terms, the "Setting the Youth Justice Agenda" document serves as a critical guide for the new Labour government, emphasising the need for a more humane, child-centred approach across the board.

It outlines the significant challenges facing vulnerable children, both inside and outside the justice system, and offers a roadmap of reforms focused on safeguarding, diversity-sensitive justice and reducing custodial sentences.

Within that, though, there are some root and branch changes that could really help move the dial for these kids.

Key Themes and Policy Recommendations:

1. Leadership and Accountability

One of the most pressing recommendations is the creation of a dedicated government department responsible for all children, led by a Secretary of State for Children.

Currently, policies for children are fragmented across multiple departments, leading to inconsistencies in responses and treatment. By centralising responsibility under one department, with one minister of state, there can be greater accountability for ensuring child welfare across the range of government agencies.

The briefing also highlights the need for a national children’s rights strategy that prioritises safeguarding over punitive measures. By aligning different branches of government around the welfare and protection of children, it is possible to ensure that those in or at risk of involvement in the justice system are consistently treated as children first and foremost, rather than being criminalised.

💡 KEY RECOMMENDATION: A government department with responsibility for all children, led by a Secretary of State for Children, to oversee a children’s rights strategy

2. Child-Centric Approaches to Justice

The briefing calls for a radical shift towards a "Child First" approach, which views children in contact with the justice system as vulnerable individuals who need support rather than punishment. This approach promotes the importance of keeping children out of the criminal justice system through early intervention, prevention and diversion programmes that offer community-based support.

Such interventions, aimed at addressing underlying social, economic and family vulnerabilities, have been proven more effective at reducing offending than punitive responses. The report stresses that criminal justice contact, particularly custodial sentences, often exacerbates children's vulnerabilities and can lead to a cycle of reoffending. The government is urged to increase resources for community programs that provide safe, supportive environments, helping children to build positive identities and be crime-free.

💡 KEY RECOMMENDATION: A Child First approach to keeping children safe that enables local support for prevention and diversion over punitive action

Read more on what it means to be Child First - here.

3. Addressing Racial Disparities

Racial disparities in youth justice are a significant concern, with Black and racially minoritised children overly represented in the system. This shouldn’t be!

These children are more likely to be arrested, receive harsher sentences and be placed in custody, despite evidence showing that they are also more likely to face vulnerabilities like exclusion from school and criminal exploitation.

The briefing document advocates for a comprehensive racial justice strategy that targets these disparities at every stage of the justice process. This includes better training for professionals in understanding the intersection of race, vulnerability and exploitation, as well as ensuring that support services are culturally sensitive and accessible to all children. The recommendation also includes improving data collection and analysis to hold systems accountable for the disproportionate treatment of racially minoritised children.

Personally, I would’ve expanded this section to include a more just, Child First approach for neurodiverse kids, those with learning disabilities and kids in care - though these do get a mention in this section.

💡 KEY RECOMMENDATION: A clear plan of action to tackle cumulative discrimination and disadvantage before, during and after children’s contact with the system

4. Custody as a Last Resort

One of the most critical calls to action in the document is for the government to develop a long-term strategy to minimise the use of custodial sentences for children. Custody, the AYJ argues, should only be used as a last resort for the most serious offences where no other community-based solutions are viable.

Evidence shows that custodial environments are harmful to kids and rarely lead to good rehabilitation. Most children in custody are vulnerable, with many having experienced care, trauma and mental health challenges - among other things. The briefing highlights the need for small, welfare-based establishments close to home, where children can receive the support they need to reintegrate into their communities.

In Wales, the Youth Justice Blueprint has this local secure provision as an aim.

💡 KEY RECOMMENDATION: A comprehensive, long-term strategy for keeping children out of custody and closing harmful child prisons

And - Multi-Agency Collaboration and Local Partnerships

Another key theme is the importance of strengthening multi-agency collaborations.

Effective youth justice relies on lots of agencies — YOTs (youth offending teams - themselves being multi-agency partnerships), schools, social services, police, the courts, etc.— working together in a coordinated way to provide holistic support to children and families to address their behaviour.

The briefing emphasises the role of local voluntary and community organisations in delivering tailored, flexible support that statutory services cannot always provide. These organisations often have trusted relationships with children and their families, making them well positioned to help prevent offending and reduce the harm caused by justice system involvement.

However, to function effectively, these partnerships need resources. The government is urged to reform funding processes to ensure that voluntary sector organisations can collaborate rather than compete for money.

Practice Recommendations

So what might this mean for those of us working with these kids? How can we begin to move the dial now while the wheels of systemic change grind slowly on? Here are a few thoughts to get you started - as always, not an exhaustive list:

* Adopt a “Child First” Approach in Every Contact with the Justice System

Every interaction with children at risk of offending should prioritise their welfare and long-term development. In this sense, every interaction is (or can be) an intervention.

Practitioners should see these children as vulnerable kids in need of our support, not merely offenders or, more likely, as just another kid in the system.

Most of the YJ practitioners I come across already have this value base; where we can improve, I feel, is in being much more informed about how to embed truly child-centred and trauma-responsive interventions into our practice in a system that talks a good show but often falls short in reality.

* Invest in Early Intervention and Prevention Programs

Early intervention programs, especially those embedded in the community, are essential for preventing children from entering the criminal justice system. Schools, youth workers and social services must work closely together to identify signs of vulnerability—such as truancy, family instability or exploitation—and intervene before a child gets involved in criminal activity. Building these safety nets will require increased government investment and support (again!) for local partnerships. Reversing the decimation of youth work services would be a great place to start (please take these out of schools and put them back where they belong - in the community!).

* Focus on Addressing Racial (& other) Inequities

Given the disproportionate impact of the youth justice system on Black and racially minoritised children, practice should strive to build interventions that are culturally sensitive and designed to meet the specific needs of these children. This should include up-to-date anti-racism training for staff, community-specific diversion programs and monitoring outcomes to address systemic bias in each area. The employment of more professionals from minority racial groups would absolutely help, too.

And let’s not forget neurodiverse kids (like me!), those in care and who have learning disabilities… Professional education programmes should include the most up-to-date input for qualifying staff on issues like sexuality and gender diversity, ADHD, autism, sensory impairments, as well as the range of trauma-genic presentations.

* Promote Diversion Programmes to Keep Children Out of Court

French astronomer & mathematician Adolphe Quetelet wrote the following in 1831:

💡 Among all the causes which have an influence for developing or halting the propensity for crime, the most vigorous is, without contradiction, age.

Ever since, criminologists have urged society to view crime as a feature of societal inequality and age. No matter how good the criminal justice system gets at dealing with kids, the evidence is clear that they do better if kept out of it in the first place.

Diversion programmes that offer alternatives to court proceedings and custodial sentences are more effective at reducing reoffending and fostering rehabilitation-and therefore provide better public protection - in the longer term. Professionals working with young people should prioritise these alternatives, ensuring that children are given opportunities for education, training and restorative justice. Again, increased resources aimed at these interventions would save millions in the longer term, through reductions in community supervision, court processes and custodial costs.

* Strengthen Multi-Agency Partnerships and Community Involvement

The justice system cannot function well in isolation. Schools, housing services, mental health providers and youth organisations must collaborate to support children holistically. Strengthening partnerships between statutory services and the voluntary sector will ensure that children have access to continuous, tailored support that addresses the complex factors driving their behaviour and provide’s alternatives. Furthermore, ensuring that local community leaders and grassroots organisations are actively involved in prevention strategies can build trust and promote positive outcomes - working together is always better; working together with youth and community organisations to keep kids out of criminal justice, is better still.

FINAL THOUGHTS

In summary, the briefing urges the incoming government to rethink youth justice, focusing on prevention, safeguarding, and systemic reform to stop the cycle of harm and offending. It calls for child-centred policies that address vulnerabilities, reduce racial disparities and other discrimination, keep children out of custody and, wherever possible, keep them out of criminal justice altogether.

By building stronger partnerships and prioritising child-centred practice and early intervention, these reforms have the potential to create a justice system that truly supports every child’s potential to thrive.

I really hope the new Labour government’s stated willingness to do some hard stuff early in this parliament, will grasp the nettle and make these changes.

The kids need it to happen.

See you in the next one!

More Information

* WEBPAGE: ‘Setting the Youth Justice Agenda’ information page with report download link (link)

* WEBPAGE: ‘Youth Justice Blueprint’ for Wales (link)

* WEBPAGE: Alliance for Youth Justice - (link)

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©️ Jonny Matthew 2024

INTRODUCTION

Earlier this week, I had an interesting conversation with a friend and colleague from the States. We were discussing a training session I'll be delivering early next year. The idea for the training stemmed from a series of posts I wrote before the summer about my journey with ADHD. Those posts were deeply personal, chronicling my experiences with the realisation, assessment, and subsequent treatment of my condition.

My friend was incredibly kind and supportive about the posts. During our conversation, he invited me to train on the subject, mentioning that I clearly had "some expertise" in the area.

This comment got me thinking...

Lived experience

If, like me, you're an avid reader, you've probably noticed the increasing number of people writing about their ‘lived experience.’ My own posts on ADHD are part of this growing trend — I’ve been through something (still going through it, actually!), and I wrote about it to help others who might find themselves in similar situations.

So far, so good.

The distinction I’m drawing, though, is that I’ve started to notice a growing number of people marketing themselves as ‘experts by experience’ (sometimes referred to as EBEs or EbEs in the literature). These individuals often offer training, consultation, and support services, all based on what they’ve personally been through. Now, don’t get me wrong — this can be incredibly valuable. There’s absolutely a place for people to share their lived experiences in a way that helps others.

But the term ‘expert by experience’ gives me pause.

Expert? Really, though...?

I’m not entirely convinced that having gone through something automatically makes someone an expert.

I absolutely believe that lived experience makes someone an expert in their own journey — in the unique, subjective experience of having walked that particular road. So yes, they’re an expert in what they went through. That much is undeniable.

But the term ‘expert by experience’ seems to imply that having gone through a specific situation makes someone an expert in that issue more broadly. This, I think, is a bit of a stretch.

It’s akin to saying that because I spent three days climbing Mont Blanc in the French Alps back in 1985, I am now an expert on mountains and mountaineering.

But there are a few issues with this line of thinking:

1. Every situation is not the same

Climbing Mont Blanc doesn’t make me an expert on Snowdon or Everest. In fact, one could argue that it doesn’t even make me an expert on Mont Blanc itself! I climbed it during the summer, which presents vastly different conditions than a winter ascent. Additionally, I wasn’t alone; I was part of a large group, accompanied by three experienced mountain guides — each of whom had summited the mountain dozens, if not hundreds, of times. Is my ‘expertise’ on par with theirs? Hardly.

2. Every person is not the same

One of my climbing companions had a sinus condition that caused him to suffer severe nosebleeds at high altitudes. This isn’t something I experienced, so his journey up Mont Blanc was markedly different from mine. While I might claim some level of expertise about my own climb, I can’t claim expertise on altitude-related nosebleeds, nor on the frustration of attempting and failing to summit half a dozen times over several years, as he did. So, can I really say I’m an expert in the broader sense? I’m not so sure.

3. Every day is not the same

In June 1985, the summer climbing conditions in the Chamonix Valley were near perfect. We had several days of clear blue skies, and freezing overnight temperatures that ensured crisp snow and solid ice for climbing. But had we attempted the ascent during a different year, we might have faced entirely different conditions.

During my time in the area, I witnessed more than a dozen people being airlifted off the mountain. Some were injured badly, some less so, and tragically, a few had passed away. Their experiences of Mont Blanc were drastically different from mine, for obvious reasons.

4. Every body is not the same

Even within my group, we experienced the climb in varied ways. Despite being of similar height, build, and age, the three of us friends reacted very differently to the conditions. Some suffered from fatigue, others from snow blindness or altitude sickness. Our physical responses to the same situation were wildly different.

One of my friends took to the climb with relative ease, as if he were born for it. Another struggled at almost every stage. Yet another was somewhere in between, confronting a few challenges but managing fairly well overall. Even though we climbed the same mountain at the same time, our experiences were as different as night and day.

A plea for humility

To me, it’s clear that we are all experts in our own subjective experiences. But that’s where our expertise ends.

Yes, lived experience gives us insight and understanding into the type of situation we’ve been through. It allows us to offer support, empathy, and guidance to those who are going through something similar. But does it make us ‘experts’? I don’t think so.

One journey, through one specific situation, in one body, over one period of time, surely cannot be extrapolated into broad expertise that applies to everyone? Our subjective experience doesn’t provide objective truths on the issue for others.

I believe we need a bit more humility than that.

My journey through ADHD has taught me a lot, and I’ve shared my insights through blogging in the hope that it helps others. But I’m not, and probably never will be, an ADHD expert. That’s a title I’m not comfortable with.

Do I have expertise? Yes. But that expertise comes from 30+ years of working with children and adults with ADHD, from collaborating with clinicians who really are experts, and from devouring books and studies on the topic. It does not come from the fact that I have ADHD myself.

Please, correct me if you ever hear me say otherwise!

‘Lived experience’ is better

So, can I make a case for retiring the term ‘expert by experience’?

I’ve been in a few situations where people with lived experience have contributed to project planning, service design, and other professional settings. And their input has been valuable. Sometimes really valuable.

What isn’t helpful, however, is when professionals defer to someone purely based on their lived experience, despite the fact that the professional likely has a far broader expertise. Years of professional practice, formal qualifications and the experience of working with countless service users across diverse scenarios — that’s what makes someone an expert.

One person’s lived experience can’t — and shouldn’t — be equated with that kind of expertise.

So let’s call it what it is: ‘people with lived experience.’

FINAL THOUGHTS

After my conversation with my colleague in the States, I decided to go ahead with the ADHD training. But I made it clear upfront that I don’t consider myself an expert on ADHD.

I’m not a psychiatrist, psychologist or certified ADHD coach. I’m just a person with ADHD — that alone doesn’t make me an expert.

Can I add value? Will my training be helpful? Can my experiences assist others on their journey? Absolutely. At least, I certainly hope so.

Let’s encourage those who have been through difficult experiences — whether in the care system, surviving abuse, or managing mental illness — to share their stories and advocate for change. Their voices are essential.

But let’s be cautious of the term ‘expert by experience.’ In my view, that’s not a thing.

See you in the next one.

More information:

Some of these are ‘affiliate links’ - this means I get a small reward if you buy something, but it won’t cost you anything extra!

* PAPER: ‘To Be Treated as Human’ - a good example of groups of people with lived experience making a great contribution to MH nursing education. Shame about the use of EBE throughout... (link)

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* You can also “Like” this site on Facebook and “Follow” on Twitter, Pinterest or connect with me on LinkedIn.

©️ Jonny Matthew 2024

INTRODUCTION

This is one of the most important things I’ve learned in 30+ years of working with troubled children and young people:

💡 Behaviour is NOT the problem, it’s a SYMPTOM of the problem

Running on broken legs?

Imagine a runner has entered a race, a 100 metres sprint . Normally they can do that distance in about 15 seconds, so they’re hopeful of a good result.

But the day before the race, they break their leg in an accident. Because they’re a keen runner and they have friends in the race, they turn up on crutches to watch. Obviously they can’t run-they have broken leg after all-but they can watch.

How ridiculous would it be for their coach to come along and expect them to run on their broken leg? No-one in their right mind expects a person in that condition to run at all, never mind a sprint. No amount of protest or persuasion from the coach is going to help.

The runner can’t run. End of.

Causes and symptoms

Behaviour in troubled kids is difficult. It’s causes them no end of problems but it also presents huge challenges for those of us who work with them.

We find ourselves having to deal with children who are aggressive, or who throw things and damage property, or who hurt themselves and assault others. These kids don’t comply with the usual social rules that the rest of us-and society in general-take for granted.

When these kids become teenagers, things escalate. Their behaviour is more tricky to manage because they’re bigger, stronger, louder, cleverer, etc. but the same behaviour now ‘offends’ other people and can turn into ‘offences’ when the police get involved and prosecutions follow.

Whether as childcare workers or police officers, we are often called upon not only to try and restore some sort of order, but to mete out punishment.

My issue here is that the behaviour isn’t the problem. The behaviour is a symptom of the problem.

The issue with our runner was not that s/he refused to run but that the broken leg made it impossible. A berating by the coach achieves nothing.

Punishment, exclusion, prosecution, removal of privileges-whatever-misses the point when it’s targeted at behaviour and no thought or focus is given to why the behaviour occurred in the first place.

Caveat

Now, I’m talking here about children whose start in life has been really difficult. They’ve been exposed to abuse, trauma and/or neglect and their development has suffered as a result.

It’s these kids that need a different approach.

The majority of kids, whose families function pretty well, who are looked after and received some semblance of parental care and kindness - they may well respond well to ‘punishment’ when they step out of line. I prefer to think of it more as ‘consequences’ that aim to help them learn from what happened and avoid the same mistake in future - but you get the point.

Where children have the basic sense of stability in their lives, some attachment to the adults who raised them and whose self-identity is one of being wanted, loved and supported, they can handle consequences designed to help them. They won’t perceive them as rejection, hatred or revenge.

But troubled kids will. And it will make not the slightest positive difference to their behaviour.

An eye to the causes

If your childhood has been fraught with a lack of care, disconnection from those around you and serial traumatic experiences, your brain and body become accustomed to dealing with this. You develop:

* a heightened stress response

* a body that feels tense

* an elevated heart rate

* sleep that is disturbed and erratic

* emotions that rarely calm and run out of control, etc.

Punishing a child like this merely imposes more negative experiences that induce exactly these physical and mental states - they dial up the problems, rather than solve them. In this scenario, children may even ‘learn’ that those caring for them (foster carers, social workers, teachers, youth workers, etc.) make them feel like their abusers did!

Such approaches merely repeat the kinds of pain, fear and isolation they’ve experienced over and over growing up. In that sense, it may well induce a ‘water off a duck’s back’ response. Same old… Same old…

In other words, punishment will not work - it won’t be effective in changing behaviour in the long term. It may even do the opposite and further entrench already difficult feelings and behaviours.

These kids need something different.

Do this instead

None of this is rocket science. If children have experienced abuse, trauma and neglect, they basically need the opposite - nurture, consistent care and kindness. Things like:

* Safety - trauma-induced states like hyper-vigilance, emotional lability, tension in the body and mistrust of others, can begin to calm and learn new ways of being in the context of feeling safe. Consistent approaches, familiar people and repeated experiences of being safe, can help a child’s system stand down from alert and return to more normal levels of activation. One of the best measures of an environment that can be healing for a child, is when nothing is happening. People are just being. Life is ticking along and there’s not much to report - it’s safe, we’re here together and we’re OK. Passive, normal, uneventful safety is a lovely thing. It’s also a healing thing.

* Patience - it takes time to really mess up a child’s development. Bearing this in mind can help us and them not to expect too much change too quickly. Bodies and brains take time to adapt and, even after significant progress, can easily and quickly return to previous negative responses. Old habits die hard, especially when they’re wired into the child’s physiological and neurological systems. But time really is a great healer and patience, both in the moment and by hanging in there with them for the long haul, is key.

* Calming - one of the most common features of households and parenting that induce negative states in children, is stress. Too little money, too much sickness, too many changes, too much aggression, too much blaming, too many disappointments and too little affection… all this is stressful. For a growing child it means they spend far too much time NOT being and feeling calm. To recover, they need LOADS of it. Responding thoughtfully and empathically to behavioural outbursts is a great way to help kids to calm. Working hard to attune to how they feel, while not feeling or expressing such emotions ourselves, helps them to feel ‘heard’ and ‘seen’ and ‘held,’ while also being accepted and helped. Modelling calm responses to tricky situations - including a child’s own behaviour - is a great way to induce a return to calm in them.

* Encouragement - it would be an understatement to say that most of these kids experience very little encouragement. In fact, the opposite is true: they experience rejection, criticism, discouragement, cruelty and abuse - all incredibly negative and damaging messages. What they need instead - funnily enough! - is boat loads of encouragement. Now we don’t want to go over the top. Kids unused to it, may think we’re being patronising if we lay it on too thick. But taking opportunities to offer gentle encouragements, small positives and quiet praise will help to challenge a negative internal working model in the child and turn it around. It’ll take time, but we’re in this for the long haul, so we can afford to be subtle, but deliberate and consistent in taking opportunities to build kids up.

As I said, none of this is rocket science - and yet it has the potential to change a kid’s life!

Just asking ourselves: ‘what have they been used to and what do they need to correct that?’ can lead to some profoundly simple yet transformative ways to aid recovery.

Ways we get it wrong

Most of the approaches I’m trying to challenge here make one of three mistakes related to ‘why’ punishment seems right:

* It makes someone else feel better - most punishment finds at least some of its justification in providing payback. You did this to me/them/us/society so you deserve… There’s no thought for the impact on the child themselves, beyond how bad it might be for them and how good that’ll make others feel - the idea that this fulfils some kind of justice, imbues it with respectability. To me, this is the right-wing, tabloid, revengeful ‘othering’ of the child in question. There’s no thought for whether it’ll help, never mind how. It’s all about making someone else feel better at the kid’s expense, because they ‘deserve’ it.

* You did this, therefore you get this - this is the kind of menu-based punishment model you’d see in the criminal law, if you just applied it without judicial discretion. Courts have lots of discretion, of course, but you get the point: certain behaviours attract certain punishments. That punishments should ‘fit the crimes’ is a central tenet of a just society, isn’t it? Yes, to a point. But troubled kids need a lot of carefully tailored discretion and tons of patience when it comes to thinking about consequences - if indeed they’re appropriate at all. Merely meting them out parrot-fashion is nonsense. Once again, it fails to ask why the behaviour happened in the first place and does nothing to lessen recurrence because it doesn’t tailor the consequences to help the child.

* I have to do something or you win - one of the common tropes of professional (even personal) child care is that we - the adults - have to be seen to do something. We have to win. We must push back at this behaviour at all costs. More specifically, we can’t let you (the kid) win. This is akin to punishing a kid NOT to make them feel bad or to help them recover, but to make us look good - or at least avoid looking weak. A disappointed coach screaming at a runner with a broken leg never looks good, though. Neither, in the end, does it achieve anything at all. It’s not a competition whereby we must come out on top (whatever that is); it’s an opportunity to turn the tide in a kid’s life - we’re in this together.

If only we can resist the temptation to be punitive, to rush in with threats of punishments or consequences that are ill-thought-through, we could really move the dial for these children.

FINAL THOUGHTS

Bodies and brains that have become wired to cope with awfulness, sometimes over years of repeated abusive experiences, take time to heal.

We can take the child out of the danger pretty quickly but it takes time, safety, patience and kindness to take the danger out of the child.

Being a worker supporting kids like this is tough. Some of their behaviour is offensive, whether or not the intention is to offend. But if we allow ourselves to be distracted by it, we miss a golden opportunity to look beyond it, to dig deeper and answer the most important question - ‘what happened to you?’

Then we can start responding in ways that propagate healing.

See you in the next one.

More information:

Some of these are ‘affiliate links’ - this means I get a small reward if you buy something, but it won’t cost you anything extra!

* BOOK: What Happened to You? Conversations on Trauma, Resilience and Healing by Bruce Perry & Oprah Winfrey (link)

* BOOK: Working with Troubled Children and Teenagers by Jonny Matthew (link)

* WEB ARTICLE: The case of Valdo Calocane starkly illustrates the need for treatment rather than punishment (link)

Subscribe & Follow?

* You can join Jonny’s mailing list here. Your information is safe and you can unsubscribe anytime very easily.

* If you want these posts sent straight to your inbox, click the blue subscribe button below.

* You can also “Like” this site on Facebook and “Follow” on Twitter, Pinterest or connect with me on LinkedIn.

©️ Jonny Matthew 2024

INTRODUCTION

Years ago when I first started blogging, I read a book by Michael Hyatt called ‘Platform.’ One of things he says in there is:

‘If you’ve lost your way, maybe you’ve forgotten your ‘why.’

The toll

The work many of us do—helping troubled kids—is immensely demanding on multiple fronts. Like any profession, it can be physically exhausting. But the challenges extend far beyond that.

Some of the things we hear, read about and witness can be upsetting (sometimes even traumatic)

* Emotional Fatigue: Engaging with children at an emotional level can lead to significant emotional exhaustion.

* Exposure to Trauma: Hearing about, reading about and witnessing distressing events can be deeply unsettling and sometimes traumatic.

* Endless Challenges: The continuous influx of new children and families, each with unique problems, can be disheartening. It may feel like the challenges are unending.

* Perceived Ineffectiveness: The persistent presence of conflict, negative news and distressing situations can make it seem like our efforts are making no difference.

* Ongoing Struggles: The cumulative effect of these challenges can be overwhelming and discouraging.

As a result, we may find ourselves feeling drained and adrift. This sense of exhaustion and confusion is a common experience in our field.

Reconnecting with your ‘why’

Reflecting on over 30 years in social work (and a few years in youth work before that), I’ve encountered moments where staying focused and motivated was particularly difficult. The cumulative stress of the job can take its toll.

One of the things that’s helped me regroup and get going again has been returning to Michael Hyatt’s simple phrase:

If you’ve lost your way, maybe you’ve forgotten your ‘why.’

Having a clear ‘why’—a sense of meaning and purpose behind our work—has been a source of solace and encouragement for me for years now.

Viktor Frankl

A few months ago I read a book called, ‘Man’s Search for Meaning,’ by Viktor Frankl. He was medical doctor who specialised in psychiatry and neurology.

During world war 2, Frankl and his family were deported from Austria to the concentration camps. By the time Viktor was released in 1945, not only had he suffered unimaginable horrors in Auschwitz and Dachau, but he was left alone in the world - his pregnant wife, both his parents and his brother all perished.

Frankl’s book, Man’s Search for Meaning, summarises his reflections on life in the camps and his logotherapy, which evolved from his experiences.

A central tenet of logotherapy is that the primary drive in human beings is to find meaning in life, rather than the pursuit of pleasure (as suggested by Freud) or power (as suggested by Adler).

Meaning is everything (read the book- it really is brilliant).

Now, I’m not saying for one minute that our work - any work for that matter - is remotely like spending years in a concentration camp! But the lessons Viktor Frankl learned speak to our challenges, too.

* Transcending Hard Times: Having a reason to persevere can help us rise above the difficulties we face.

* Purposeful Work: A clear sense of purpose makes our work more manageable, even in challenging times.

* Renewed Energy: Our ‘why’ can provide the motivation and strength needed when we feel depleted.

My ‘why’

In 1982, I sat in the back of a police car having been a naughty boy. Not that naughty, really. But enough for a police officer to pull me off a bus and chuck me into his car for a bollocking! He demanded that I apologise or he’d arrest me and we’d meet again in court.

Needless to say, I apologised.

But what if I hadn’t? What if I hadn’t possessed the common sense, or the clear-mindedness, or the basic intelligence to be able to apologise? Put another way, what if I’d had a childhood fraught with abuse, trauma and neglect, such that telling him to ‘f**k off’ was a more natural instinct?

Things would’ve turned out very differently.

For me, working with troubled kids always reminds me of this situation. The over-riding thought being, ‘there but for the grace of God, go I.’

In other words, had my upbringing been different, my life might have taken a very different turn in that moment. My relationships, employability, parenting, future prospects… everything, could’ve been compromised, had things spiralled downwards from there. But they didn’t.

There, but for the grace of God, go I.

Objectify it

One of my friends and colleagues, Dr Tricia Skuse, takes her clinical psychology trainees through an exercise where she asks them to think about why they want to do the job - their ‘meaning,’ if you like.

Then she asks them to think of an object that represents that meaning.

The idea is that when they start to experience some of the challenges listed above, they can look at the object and remind themselves about why they do what they do.

Final thoughts

I have a little leather cross hanging just above my desk. Every time I look at it, I think of that phrase. It keeps me focused. It helps me keep going. It helps me to keep keeping going when things get tough.

That’s my ‘why.’

What’s yours?

See you in the next one.

More information:

Some of these are ‘affiliate links’ - this means I get a small reward if you buy something, but it won’t cost you anything extra!

* BOOK: Platform: Get Noticed in a Noisy World by Michael Hyatt - (link)

* BOOK: Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor E. Frankl - (link)

* BOOK: Looking After No.1 - Self-Care for People Working with Troubled Children by Jonny Matthew (link)

Subscribe & Follow?

* You can join Jonny’s mailing list here. Your information is safe and you can unsubscribe anytime very easily.

* If you want these posts sent straight to your inbox, click the blue subscribe button below.

* You can also “Like” this site on Facebook and “Follow” on Twitter, Pinterest or connect with me on LinkedIn.

©️ Jonny Matthew 2024

INTRODUCTION

One legacy of COVID appears to be a sharp rise in child anxiety.

The number of children in England being referred to the NHS for anxiety has more than doubled since the start of the pandemic. The degree to which COVID is directly responsible is arguable, but the plain facts are not.

Official figures for 2023-24 reveal over 204,000 referrals for anxiety in children compared to just under 99,000 in 2019-20.

Understanding the Causes

As always, this is not an exhaustive list, but there seem to be a number of factors contributing to the rising levels of anxiety among children:

Academic Pressures:

The increasing intensity of academic expectations is a significant source of stress for children. The pressure to perform well in an environment that prioritises exam results can lead to huge anxiety. Yet again this year, I was dismayed at the media focus on GCSE results and the woeful lack of an alternative perspective (i.e. how the hell do you cope if you fail miserably? - a full post on this coming soon)

Social Media and Cyberbullying:

The pervasive nature of social media has introduced new challenges for today’s children and teenagers. Cyberbullying, appearance pressures and the associated constant temptation to compare yourself with others online can undermine self-esteem and contribute to feelings of anxiety. Add to this the time wasted and the diluting effect of worry on energy levels and the potential impact is obvious.

Economic and Social Inequality:

Rising poverty levels and widening inequalities exacerbate stress in families. Financial insecurity can be a breeding ground for anxiety, children see what’s going on and are sensitive to the struggles of their families - often blaming themselves.

Pandemic Aftermath:

The pandemic disrupted children's lives in profound ways, from social isolation to the loss of routine and stability, particularly around school attendance. Many struggled with the loss of older relatives in circumstances that precluded normal grieving or the opportunity to say good bye in person. Even years later, the impact of all this continues to affect children, leaving many feeling uncertain about the world and the future.

We could go on…

Responses: Policy Changes at a National Level

Addressing this kind of crisis requires a coordinated effort, starting with policy changes that prioritise mental health:

1. Increased Funding for Child Mental Health Services:

The NHS must receive further substantial funding boosts to expand mental health services for children. This includes employing more mental health professionals, reducing waiting times and ensuring that services are accessible to all children, regardless of their socio-economic background. (Dealing with the ongoing shortage of ADHD medications would help, too!)

2. School-Based Mental Health Programs:

Schools should implement comprehensive mental health education programs that go beyond basic awareness and having welfare support for kids that goes beyond trying to get them back into the classroom as soon as possible. Example provision might include regular mental health screenings, in-school counselling services and curricula that teach coping strategies and resilience from key stage 1 onwards.

3. Regulation of Social Media:

If we must stop short of banning children having mobile phones, we need stricter regulations to protect them from the harmful effects of social media. This could include age verification, strict limitations on targeted advertising and stronger measures against cyberbullying. The big cyber companies also need to be held to account for policing the content on their platforms.

4. Support for Families in Poverty:

Economic policies that properly target resources to reduce child poverty, such as increasing child benefits and family tax credits, measures to make childcare for working parents more accessible and affordable, providing free school meals and offering other (means-tested) financial supports for low-income families - all these could help alleviate one of the primary causes of anxiety.

Leave a comment below if you have other policy ideas to assist in reducing child anxiety in children.

Responses - Advice for Parents and Professionals

While policy changes are essential, parents and professionals also play a key role in supporting children’s mental health; here some thoughts:

1. Open Communication:

Encourage children to talk about their feelings and listen without judgment. Creating a safe space where they can express their worries can help ease some of their anxiety. Listening is a crucial part of communicating - asking, ‘how’re you doing?’ is one thing, listening attentively for the answer is another. Lots of honest cries for help are non-verbal or behavioural in nature, so working to be as attuned as possible will help us to spot these and respond before things get out of hand.

2. Promote Healthy Routines:

Stability in daily routines, including regular sleep, consistent care, balanced nutrition and physical activity, can help manage anxiety. Consistency, perhaps above all, offers a sense of security, which is particularly important for anxious children - they know what’s going on when, who’ll be around and what’s going to happen. When life around them is predictable children do better, so avoiding needless inconsistencies can have the opposite more stabilising effect.

3. Limit Screen Time:

Monitor and limit children's screen time, especially on social media and particularly late at night. Encourage offline activities that foster real-world connections and build a more positive self-esteem. Being outside and moving a little more - things former generations took for granted - can boost energy levels, move the focus outward and lift dopamine and other positive chemicals. Physical play, once the norm for children everywhere, needs to make a come back; parents, carers and professionals can all encourage (and model) this!

4. Seek Professional Help:

If a child’s anxiety is severe or persistent, seek professional help early. Early intervention can prevent anxiety from becoming more entrenched and harder to treat. Better to avert the onset of things like self-isolation or self-harming behaviours, than wait till they rear their heads before we do anything - prevention is always better than cure. Check online for useful information and advice, including signposts to local services. Maybe start with Young Minds…

FINAL THOUGHTS

The rise in childhood anxiety is a complex issue with no single easy solution.

However, by addressing the root causes through national policies and providing practical support at home and in schools, we can begin to mitigate this growing crisis.

It is imperative that we work together to prioritise the mental well-being of children, ensuring that they have the resources and support they need to thrive in an increasingly challenging world. Letting children be children should not be a passive process!

See you in the next one.

More information:

Some of these are ‘affiliate links’ - this means I get a small reward if you buy something, but it won’t cost you anything extra!

* WEB ARTICLE: Guardian article with case studies (link)

* STATS: NHS mental health referral data for anxiety in children (link)

* BOOK: This is one of my all-time favourite reads; it addresses, in-depth, the impact of modern life on human development. The Myth of Normal by Gabor Maté (link)

Subscribe & Follow?

* You can join Jonny’s mailing list here. Your information is safe and you can unsubscribe anytime very easily.

* If you want these posts sent straight to your inbox, click the blue subscribe button below.

* You can also “Like” this site on Facebook and “Follow” on Twitter, Pinterest or connect with me on LinkedIn.

©️ Jonny Matthew 2024

INTRODUCTION

I left school with 1 GCSE.

OK, so I was a lazy teenager. No doubt at least some of the blame for that lies with me. But my life since suggests that something was missed back then, that had it been discovered, might have helped me fulfil a lot more of my potential.

Since I embarked on this journey of outwardly acknowledging my condition, I’ve met a load of others who, like me, have achieved a lot more than their school performance might suggest they were capable of.

Today’s post looks at ADHD & achievement.

The ADHD Advantage: Unleashing the Potential

ADHD, or Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, is often viewed through the lens of its challenges. That’s understandable, especially in child care settings, but also because it’s usually a factor when other problems emerge.

But, there is a growing body of evidence suggesting that ADHD can be associated with certain strengths that contribute to success in things like entrepreneurship and creativity, as well as high achievement of others kinds.

Here are 3 broad (very broad) areas where ADHD might just be an advantage.

1. ADHD and Entrepreneurship

💡 Entrepreneurship - ‘…the process of creating, developing, and managing a new business venture with the aim of generating profits or creating value.’ (Source)

Now this not all about business, particularly for kids, but you get the point. And there is evidence that people with ADHD are significantly more likely to start their own business.

Key traits and advantages that ADHD brings to entrepreneurship:

* Propensity for Risk-Taking : Individuals with ADHD often display a higher tolerance for risk. The potential disadvantages of this are obvious. But, this can also be a great advantage when breaking new ground in business or any other venture. The willingness to engage in higher-risk, higher-reward activities can lead to innovative practices that can crack open new markets and reveal opportunities that might otherwise remain hidden.

* Hyper-focus: The stereotype of ADHD is the kid (usually a boy) who behaves like Tigger: can’t sit still, attend and focus on anything much at all. But, while ADHD is characterised by difficulty maintaining attention, it also fuels periods of intense focus, sometimes called hyper-focus. During these times, it’s possible to work with extraordinary productivity and creativity on tasks the individual is passionate about. It’s not unusual for me to ‘wake-up’ at 3am and realise I’m still reading or writing or researching something I started looking at at 10pm when Karen went to bed; 5 hours later and I’m still at it.

* Problem-Solving Skills and Heuristics: The unconventional thinking patterns associated with ADHD can result in unique problem-solving abilities. The ability to take on vast amounts of information of different kinds from different sources, is another useful trait. Some people with ADHD have the ability to link information into heuristics (mental models*) that facilitate really good retention, as well as problem-solving and creative thinking. So Entrepreneurs with ADHD may approach challenges with fresh perspectives, leading to innovative solutions and creative opportunities.

2. ADHD and Creativity

💡 Creativity - ‘…is defined as the tendency to generate or recognise ideas, alternatives, or possibilities that may be useful in solving problems, communicating with others, and entertaining ourselves and others.’ (Source)

Key traits and advantages that ADHD brings to creativity:

* Divergent Thinking: This is the ability to generate multiple different solutions to a problem, and solutions that might not immediately come to mind for most people. We might characterise this as ‘thinking outside the box’ - the box being the usual, easy, first things that come to mind. Divergent thinking like this is a cornerstone of creativity and innovation, where new ideas and perspectives make all the difference. And it seems to come more naturally to people with ADHD.

* Spontaneity and Flexibility: The impulsivity associated with ADHD can lead to spontaneous ideas and the flexibility to pivot and adapt creatively. Sometimes this can be tricky and lead to ill-thought-through behaviours. But, it can also lead to totally new ways of responding to situations and solving problems. My ‘butterfly brain’, as I call it, drives me nuts sometimes when I’m struggling to land and focus on one thing. But when I need an answer to a new scenario or a crisis, or need to consider something from a different perspective, it often serves me well.

* Daydreaming: Frequent daydreaming, a common trait among those with ADHD, can facilitate creative thinking by allowing the mind to wander and connect disparate ideas. That can lead to some pretty ‘off piste’ ideas, many of which will be exactly that. But it can also throw up something fresh, something not mainstream but that might bring resolution or a useful insight.

‘ADHD may create difficulties for individuals in many contexts that required focused, sustained attention—such as school, where students are expected to sit still and pay attention. On the other hand, the same distractibility and chaotic mind can give people with ADHD an edge when it comes to creative, original thinking.’ (Holly White - Source)

3. ADHD and High Achievement Generally

I love this quote (above) from Professor Nancy McIntyre. It illustrates beautifully that ADHD is sooo much more than a ‘disorder’ - and the research is starting to show this clearly across a number of functional domains.

Entrepreneurship and creativity are both very broad ideas and ways of being, in themselves. That said, I want to be even more broad now and offer a couple of general observations about how ADHD can bring strengths to the table.

Key traits and advantages that ADHD brings to achievement generally:

* Energetic Drive: The hyperactive component of ADHD for some folks can translate into high energy levels, which, when channeled effectively, can support high levels of productivity and achievement. My deeply embedded imposter syndrome is nicely balanced out by the number of times I get asked, ‘How on earth do you get it all done?’ I think that sometimes, for me at least, it’s less about talent and more about the sheer volume of work and effort that I can put in when OI’m focused on something. I feel sure my ADHD helps massively with that.

* Passion and Intensity: Individuals with ADHD often pursue their interests with great passion and intensity. While this can mean they change interests a lot too, flitting between different things, it can also mean that when it lasts this same dedication can lead to significant accomplishments in fields they are passionate about. More than once, I’ve been deep-diving into something and found that I’ve read most of what’s available by way of books on the subject. Passion plus high intensity and hyper-focus can lead to massive information intake!

* Innovative Thinking: The ability to think differently and creatively often positions individuals with ADHD as innovators, pioneers and/or agitators in their fields, driving progress and achievement.

Balancing the ADHD Narrative:

While ADHD presents challenges, it also offers unique strengths that can be harnessed for success in entrepreneurship, creativity, and achievement generally - even high achievement for some. Balancing the narrative to reflect this is important, not just for individuals but in order to influence wider societal views of the condition.

Traits like risk-taking, hyper-focus, innovative problem-solving, divergent thinking, energetic drive and resilience contribute to the potential for individuals with ADHD to excel in all kinds of areas. By recognising and cultivating these strengths, individuals with ADHD can transform their view of themselves and be freed them to make valuable contributions to all kinds of fields. In essence, though, they begin to move from a deficit model of the condition, to one that sees it as a potentially powerful asset.

Here are a few tips for those who aren’t ‘neuro-spicy’ (I love this term!) to illustrate how you can help those who are:

Practical Tips for Leveraging ADHD Strengths:

* Encourage the Identification of and Focus on Passions: Encourage those with ADHD to pursue things they’re passionate about, where they are likely to engage deeply and leverage their strengths. Don’t worry if they change interests often, this widens their bank of disparate knowledge which in turn can fuel divergent thinking and creativity.

* Create Structured ADHD-Friendly Environments: Implement structures that support productivity and minimise distractions, allowing for effective channeling of hyper-focus periods. Rather than seeing hyper-focus merely as a challenge, celebrating and facilitating it can help maximise the productivity benefits it brings.

* Encourage Flexibility: Foster environments that value creativity and flexibility, where unconventional thinking and risk-taking are seen and talked about as assets. Creating home, school and work-place cultures that value ‘thinking outside the box’ can help to ‘hold’ ADHD people more effectively and free the fantastic strengths flowing from having a brain that functions differently.

* Support and Resources: Provide access to and encourage use of resources such as coaching, therapy, mentoring and ADHD support groups to help manage challenges and amplify strengths. Ensure all staff have a ‘better than basic’ knowledge of ADHD and can encourage a positive view of the strengths it brings. Changing the narrative to one that overtly stresses the positive contribution neurodiversity in general and ADHD in particular can bring.

By understanding and embracing the unique attributes associated with ADHD, individuals can start to unlock and release their potential, change their self-concept and, for some, achieve remarkable success whether in school or on in their chosen field of work.

FINAL THOUGHTS

As always, this is a very brief overview of a much larger more important principle. So, if these particular areas and examples don’t seem to apply to you, please don’t be discouraged. This is merely a sample to make the bigger point: that having ADHD can have massive upsides as well as challenges!

I hope this post has made that main point - that the issues you, your loved one or the one/s you care for are having as a result of their condition, is NOT the whole story.

See you in the next one!

* * ‘Resource-induced coping heuristics’ - (source)

More information:

* BOOK: Faster Than Normal - Turbocharge Your Focus, Productivity, and Success with the Secrets of the ADHD Brain (click)

* WEB ARTICLE: The Creativity of ADHD - More Insights on a Positive Side of a Disorder (Source)

* COACHING: Advance ADHD - run by my friend Penny Kennedy and highly recommended - click

* WEB ARTICLE: ADHD as an Asset in Entrepreneurship (click)

* WEB ARTICLE: ADHD: The Entrepreneur’s Superpower (click)

Some of these are ‘affiliate links’ - this means I get a small reward if you buy something, but it won’t cost you anything extra!

Subscribe & Follow?

* You can join Jonny’s mailing list here. Your information is safe and you can unsubscribe anytime very easily.

* If you want these posts sent straight to your inbox, click the blue subscribe button below.

* You can also “Like” this site on Facebook and “Follow” on Twitter, Pinterest or connect with me on LinkedIn.

©️ Jonny Matthew 2024

INTRODUCTION

I’ll never forget my psychiatrist asking me this question during my assessment:

‘Do you have anger issues?’

I thought for about 2 seconds and then burst out, ‘hell yeh!’ Or some such.

For the first time, I realised that the life-long struggle I’d had with feeling either very angry or on the cusp of it, might be something to do with my suspected ADHD. I’d never thought of this before - it was a real light bulb moment.

That in itself was a key point on my journey towards understanding my own functioning to a much higher degree. ADHD and struggles with emotions go hand in hand!

Who knew?

Examples of emotional struggles with ADHD:

Here are 3 examples of the kinds of things that might be symptomatic of the ADHD persons’ struggles with emotion:

* Over-reactions Some people with ADHD have a tendency to react strongly to criticism or rejection. For example, imagine being in a team meeting, a colleague makes a small, offhand comment about your report. Suddenly you feel instantly defensive, shout back and cause a bit of a scene. Later, you feel embarrassed and regret your reaction, not understanding why you ‘just did it’ without thinking, and start asking (again) why you struggle to control your emotions.

* Tantrums at home: Let’s say you have a 14 year old son or daughter with ADHD. One evening, after hours of trying to concentrate on their homework and getting increasingly distracted and frustrated, they throw their books across the room and start shouting at you. You’re a bit shocked and don’t know why it happened or how to help, as they seem to be feeling overwhelmed by it all.

* Unstoppable tears: It’s been a stressful day. When you get home, you have a minor disagreement with your partner; before you know it, you’ve burst into tears and then can’t stop crying - it seems to go on for hours. The intensity of the sadness you feel and the seeming inability to control your emotions leaves you feeling isolated and drained.

For me, the biggest challenge is trying to not feel angry all the time.

OK, so maybe it’s not quite all the time, but it does seem to be bubbling away just below the surface an awful lot! And it can be set off by the smallest, most seemingly irrelevant of triggers: dropping my pen, losing my keys, spilling my coffee, etc.

Now all these things are genuinely a bit annoying, but I feel incandescent with rage - almost like I want to smash up the room and burn everything down! I know, it’s nuts, right?!

But such can be the problems with emotional regulation in the context of ADHD.

Why People with ADHD Struggle to Deal with Their Emotions

* Brain Structure and Function: People with ADHD often have differences in brain areas responsible for regulating emotions, such as the prefrontal cortex, which is crucial for decision-making and impulse control. These brain functions are sometimes referred to as the Executive Functions - think of them as being like the CEO of the body, or the pilot in the cockpit of the brain. These areas may be under active in people with ADHD, making it harder to manage emotional responses effectively.

* Chemical Imbalances: ADHD is associated with irregular levels of neurotransmitters, such as dopamine and norepinephrine. These chemicals play significant roles in mood regulation and emotional stability. When these levels are off, it can lead to heightened emotional sensitivity and difficulty managing our feelings and emotions. Helping ADHD people - whether kids or adults - to see that this is what’s going on, can be the start of helping them to understand their own functioning and start the journey of doing something about it.

* Impulsivity and Self-Regulation: Individuals with ADHD often struggle with impulsivity, meaning they react quickly and intensely to situations without pausing to consider the consequences. This lack of self-regulation can spill over into the emotional realm, causing problems with managing the expression of feelings that might ordinarily not occur or at least remain out of sight. Just as I might say or do something impulsively, I might also express what I’m feeling without regard for how this might effect others or be received in the social context I happen to be in.

* Sensitivity to Rejection: Many people with ADHD experience a much heightened sensitivity to perceived rejection or criticism, this is sometimes referred to as rejection sensitive dysphoria. Folk with this aspect of ADHD can feel quite intense emotional pain triggered by stimuli that may not upset a neurotypical person much at all. Like the first example in the anecdotes listed above, the person feels and reacts in a way that seems (and is) over the top. While at times this may cause social friction as others react to the reaction (!), it also causes real subjective discomfort, upset, even emotional pain for the person concerned.

* Chronic Stress and Anxiety: Living with ADHD often involves constant stress from managing symptoms, meeting (& failing) expectations (both your own and other people’s), and coping with societal misunderstandings. For example, I find myself apologising a lot - and I mean a LOT - for forgetting things, missing deadlines and generally annoying other people with my failings. This can be really stressful and can exacerbate our emotional difficulties, making it harder to maintain emotional balance.

Strategies for Managing Emotions

- For Individuals with ADHD

* Practice Mindfulness: Techniques like deep breathing, meditation, or mindfulness exercises can help you stay calm and aware of your emotions before they become overwhelming. Apps like Headspace or Calm can guide you through these practices. Personally, I use mindfulness most mornings - it’s the very first thing I do. It settles me and gives me chance to be quiet and consciously present in my body before the rush of the day begins.

* Use a Feelings Journal: Writing down your moods and feelings and what triggered them can help you spot patterns and understand your emotions better. In turn, this can help you plan how to handle similar situations in the future, learn from things and perhaps be a little more deliberate in what you do next time. I’ve had periods of journalling and found it useful, though it’s never something I’ve managed to stick at for very long (unlike the mindfulness). Each to their own…

* Break Tasks into Smaller Steps: I know, that can sound patronising, but it really isn’t. Large tasks can feel overwhelming. Breaking them into smaller, manageable steps can reduce anxiety and frustration, making it easier to stay calm and focused. I use ‘projects’ and ‘tasks’ respectively for this. Using my Notion task management system, I break bigger stuff down in to small, single tasks that feel more do-able. That way, I can start ticking things off pretty quickly, too, which feels more like progress than slogging away until I get the one big thing done.

* Exercise Regularly: Physical activity can help regulate mood and reduce stress. Exposure to daylight and fresh air does no harm either. Even short, daily walks can have a significant impact on emotional well-being. Despite not managing to stick at it very consistently, I found that exercising first thing in the morning was possibly the best strategy yet for calming my agitation, stimming and improving focus.

* Routine Routine Routine: A consistent daily schedule can provide a sense of stability and reduce anxiety, particularly if it includes time for relaxation and activities you enjoy. Again, this is not a natural state for those of us with ADHD, but it really does help to give us tracks to run on which can help to keep us, well…on track! I know, routine is a love/hate thing for ADHDers, but it’s a simple solution that can help us begin to calm the other stuff and keep us emotionally more settled.

- For Those Who Support People with ADHD

* Be Patient and Listen: When they are upset and their emotions get the better of them, listen without judgment. Sometimes, just being heard can make a big difference in helping them calm down. For me, one of the best helps with this is when my wife, Karen, just says gently, ‘you’re being very grumpy.’ I don’t feel judged, but it helps me see what’s happening from her perspective - because this matters to me, and because she does it in such a gentle way, it really helps me get a grip of myself and begin calming down

* Encourage Professional Help: Support your ADHD loved one in seeking help from professionals who specialise in ADHD. Whether it’s therapy, support groups, coaching or trying medication, all these can provide them with tools to help manage their emotions more effectively. The regimen will be different for everyone but they can all help us if we give them a try.

* Create a Supportive Environment: Encourage activities that reduce stress, by making time for and encouraging participation in things such as hobbies, exercise and social interaction. A positive and understanding environment can help individuals with ADHD feel more secure and less overwhelmed. If Karen says to me, ‘why don’t you go for a ride on your motorbike’ or ‘you haven’t seen ‘so-and-so’ for a while, you should pop in and see them’ this is so freeing. Often, when we’re feeling a bit overwhelmed emotionally, we don’t think of these things ourselves, so an environment that does that for us is a massive help.

* Encouragement: Acknowledging and celebrating small successes can boost self-esteem and emotional resilience as well as just cheering someone up! Positive reinforcement can also help build confidence and reduce feelings of inadequacy - those of us with ADHD often have a very harsh inner critic who gives us a really hard time. A softer, caring and encouraging voice can really cut through and make a big difference. If someone does better in a situation that has been tricky previously, point this out and comment on how well they did. It may seem small to you, but it can a big deal when the inner critic is already kicking the doors in.

Professional Help to Consider

* Therapists and Counsellors: Therapies like CBT can help individuals with ADHD develop strategies for managing emotions, change negative thought patterns and build strategies to live differently. It may be that there are other underlying (co-morbid) conditions that are driving or contributing to the emotional struggle; therapy can help to properly and safely process and begin to unravel these.

* Coaching: Qualified coaches who specialise in ADHD coaching can be brilliantly helpful. They are skilled at helping people to understand their own ADHD, gently and practically helping us navigate towards achieving the things we want in life, despite the challenges of our condition. See below for a coaching recommendation.

* Psychiatrists: A psychiatrist can provide a thorough assessment and take a view about whether medication might be beneficial in managing ADHD symptoms and related emotional difficulties. They’re also able to identify and highlight any co-morbid conditions that are complicating things - this is vital in building a balanced and comprehensive treatment plan.

* Support Groups: Joining a support group for individuals with ADHD can provide a sense of community and shared understanding. Listening to, learning from and just chatting with others who are in the same boat can be really comforting. This has been a massive strength to me! A simple web search for ‘ADHD support groups near me’ or similar is a good start. These groups can offer practical advice, emotional support and maybe even friendship with others who know what it’s like to live with ADHD.

* Medication: ADHD medication/s can be a significant help in allowing individuals to manage emotions more effectively. Once the regime is properly titrated and a routine established the emotions rollercoaster can feel much more under control - at least it did for me. Feelings are still real and sometimes painful or tricky, of course, but in a way that is much more manageable.

FINAL THOUGHTS

As always, getting the right mix of help that works for the individual is key. It may take a while to land on the right combination of solutions and strategies, but you will get there.

If you’re supporting someone with ADHD, staying the course with them and being a source of reliable help, encouragement and patience is a massive positive - so much so that it can make the difference between keeping going or giving up.

For some medication will be central, for others it may not figure at all. Both are fine as long as they work. The over-reliance on medication is a pitfall, particularly if the promise of what it might offer is not realised or any side-effects make it not worth continuing with.

Looking back now, the ways of working, living and generally being that I’ve developed over the years have been the things that have made the biggest difference; as has being with someone who ‘gets me’ and sticks with me patiently in it all. It’s not all about the medication.

So, when you blow a gasket or otherwise lose the plot emotionally, remember, this too will pass. You’re on a journey towards increased stability, focus, achievement and peace in your life - it may take a while, but you’ll get there!

See you in the next one.

More information:

* COACHING: Advance ADHD - run by my friend Penny Kennedy and highly recommended - click

* BOOK: Taking Charge of Adult ADHD: Proven Strategies to Succeed at Work, at Home and in Relationships by Russell A. Barkley - click (affiliate link)

* BOOK: The Myth of Normal: Illness, Health and Healing in a Toxic Culture (one of my top 10 best books ever) - click

* BOOK: Scattered Minds - The Origins & Healing of ADHD - click here (affiliate link)

* BOOK: ADHD 2.0 by Ed Halliwell & John Ratey - click here (affiliate link)

* INFO: ADHD Homestead - here’s a search on the site for ‘emotions’ - lots to read! - click

Some of these are ‘affiliate links’ - this means I get a small reward of you buy something, but it won’t cost you anything!

Subscribe & Follow?

* You can join Jonny’s mailing list here. Your information is safe and you can unsubscribe anytime very easily.

* If you want these posts sent straight to your inbox, click the blue subscribe button below.

* You can also “Like” this site on Facebook and “Follow” on Twitter, Pinterest or connect with me on LinkedIn.

©️ Jonny Matthew 2024

Introduction

One of the things that spurred me on to seek out an assessment, was the fact that I was struggling (and always had struggled) with emotional regulation. In short, I get angry a lot. I don’t express it much, but it’s there; an underlying almost constant seething, bubbling away in the background, that threatens to pop out of hiding any moment!

Similarly, I have a persistent feeling of low mood. People who know me might not believe this, because the external ‘me’ is a chirpy kind of chap whom most folk would never think of as being even slightly ‘depressed.’

One of the great benefits of a psychiatric assessment and subsequent treatment, is the awareness of, and opportunity to seek treatment for such things, as well as for ADHD.

Co-morbidities

ADHD is a ‘sociable’ condition in that it often co-occurs with other things, as I’ve described. These other things are sometimes referred to as co-morbidities.

What?

Comorbidity refers to the presence of two or more conditions being present in a person, at the same time. This is quite common - particularly so in ADHD.

This can make assessment, diagnosis and treatment a bit more tricky and illustrates why a good quality assessment (rather than seeking out a particular ‘diagnosis’) is essential.

An assessment may well throw up more issues than we expect; in the long run this is good, of course, but it can be a little unsettling if we’re not expecting anything other than ADHD!

Examples

I like this graphic from Psychiatry-UK as it shows some of the kinds of other conditions that can co-occur with ADHD.

Image source: https://psychiatry-uk.com/adhd/

Here’s a sense of what a few of these conditions entail - please note: this is a selective list for illustration only, so is neither exhaustive nor very detailed):

* Anxiety

* Anxiety problems involve excessive worry, fear, or nervousness that can interfere with daily life. Children and adults with ADHD often experience anxiety alongside their ADHD symptoms.

* Depression

* Depression involves persistent feelings of sadness, hopelessness, and loss of interest in activities, even the ones normally enjoyed. Individuals with ADHD are at higher risk of developing depression, possibly due to struggles with self-esteem and coping with the challenges related to their ADHD.

* Learning Disorders

* Learning disorders - for example dyslexia or dyspraxia - affect a person's ability to acquire or use specific academic skills, such as reading, writing, or arithmetic (why do we call them the 3 ‘Rs’ when only one of them starts with an ‘r’? 😆). ADHD often coexists with these and others conditions, making it harder for individuals to succeed academically.

* Substance Misuse

* Substance misuse usually refers to problematic patterns of drug and alcohol use, leading to significant impairment and/or distress. Teenagers and adults with ADHD have a higher risk of developing substance use disorders compared to those without ADHD. Again this may be directly related to coping with symptoms of ADHD, or as a result of something else entirely. Once again, a thorough assessment will help to unravel this.

* Sleep Disorders

* Sleep disorders can include difficulties falling asleep, staying asleep, or experiencing sleep that is restful and regular. ADHD symptoms can interfere with sleep patterns, and some individuals with ADHD may also have co-existing sleep disorders.

And the list goes on…

Co-morbidities such as these, and the many others not listed here, can complicate the management and treatment of ADHD, requiring a comprehensive approach that addresses both ADHD symptoms and any accompanying conditions.

You don’t need a diagnosis…

‘I need a diagnosis.’

I’ve heard this said a lot, particularly in more recent years when the knowledge of and tolerance for ADHD has increased.

I know what people mean. They’ve read around the subject, consulted Dr Google and made a tacit decision that they probably have ADHD and want some help with it.

But there are some problems with this; big problems as it turns out:

* Unless they are a doctor, specifically a psychiatrist and/or a clinical psychologist, they aren’t qualified to know what to look for or how this might present in different people of varying ages and circumstances.

* ADHD very often (in around 80% of people) is NOT the only thing going on. So a broad knowledge of human physiology and psychology is needed to untangle the web. Dr Google can’t do this.

* Sometimes, in my experience, people ‘prefer’ the idea of having ADHD to, for example, having depression or anxiety or Asperger’s - this can sway their thinking in the direction of ADHD and lacks the objective clinical judgment that medics spend a decade or more acquiring and learning how to use.

In short, unless we are a specialist doctor, few of us are even in a position to begin the process of assessment, never mind make a diagnosis and build a treatment plan.

FINAL THOUGHTS

Having ADHD doesn’t mean there are always other conditions in play at the same time. But it might do. So even if you’re convinced the struggles are caused by ADHD, please bear in mind that there may well be something else - or more than one thing - going on at the same time.

This is neither a good nor necessarily a bad thing. Most co-morbidities can be helped with the correct clinical input and advice, supportive loved ones, sometimes medication and usually a good dose of personal determination.

But it would be a bad thing if we were blinkered in our thinking about ADHD and missed either the real cause of our problems, or a contributor to them, that might otherwise be helped.

So, don’t go to the doctor for a diagnosis, go for assessment and see what comes - chances are, it’ll be the start of a new, positive chapter of getting to grips with what’s going on and starting to sort things out!

See you in the next one.

More information:

* WEB ARTICLE: Is It Just ADHD? Co-morbidities That Unlock an Accurate Mental Health Diagnosis - click

* PAPER: Self-Regulation and Inhibition in Comorbid ADHD Children: An Evaluation of Executive Functions - click

* BOOK: Scattered Minds - The Origins & Healing of ADHD - click here (affiliate link)

* BOOK: ADHD 2.0 by Ed Halliwell & John Ratey - click here (affiliate link)

Subscribe & Follow?

* You can subscribe to this blog by clicking here. Your information is safe and you can unsubscribe anytime very easily.

* You can also “Like” this site on Facebook and “Follow” on Twitter, Google+ or Pinterest or connect with me on LinkedIn.

©️ Jonny Matthew 2024

INTRODUCTION:

Looking back, the hardest thing for me to come to terms with was the impact of ADHD on my education and, consequently, on the trajectory of my working life.

I was not only unable to fully benefit from the opportunities available at school, but my future adult life was also massively affected.

One of the greatest benefits available to children with ADHD today is a school that understands their condition and adapts its teaching approach to support them.

I didn’t have this…

STOP COASTING, START WORKING:

As part of the diagnostic process for ADHD, I was asked to provide evidence of ‘early onset.’ This is because a diagnoses of ADHD requires the symptoms to have been present ‘prior to age 12.’

School reports

Now, being 59 years old meant this was going back in time a bit, so I dug out my old school reports to see what I could find there.

Here are a few examples of actual comments from my school reports:

* ‘…has lapses of attention and misses vital new information.’

* ‘…has good ideas but is easily distracted and tends not to persevere.’

* ‘…must concentrate!’

* ‘…rushes too much.’

* ‘…he tries to hurry and does not pay the required attention to details.’

* ‘…is easily distracted.’

And my favourite of all, a summary statement from the deputy head teacher:

‘Stop coasting. Start working.’

Common to all?

Maybe these comments don’t seem that extreme to you. Perhaps you can hear echoes of your own school experience in them, and since you don’t have ADHD, you might be wondering what all the fuss is about.

But for me, knowing what I now know about ADHD in general and my own functioning in particular, I can see problems that have dogged me my whole life and that I still fight against today. At the time, however, I just thought everyone was like me.

Yes, I had a little more energy and get-up-and-go than most, but it was a difference of degree not of type - or so I thought.

Children with ADHD experience the world differently, but they don’t know it. Like all children, their assumption is that ‘this is how life is’, or ‘this is what it’s like for everyone.’

But it’s not. ADHD kids are not ‘most kids.’

Most kids…

* Most children in school don’t get into trouble for shouting out instead of putting their hand up and waiting to be asked. At least not all the time.

* Most children don’t lose track of what the teacher is saying and have to constantly ask them, or the other kids, to catch them up. Or, worse still, have to copy off the kid next to them.

* Most kids don’t sit in class with their minds somewhere else entirely, almost all the time. At least not to the degree that if the content of the lesson isn’t absolutely riveting they will tune out and miss most of what’s said and done.

* Most kids don’t have a sense of being an irritant to teachers for reasons they have no idea about. My entire school career was spent feeling that basically most teachers liked me, but at the same time were exasperated or frustrated by me or just thought I was annoying.

* Most kids don’t have an above-average IQ and are therefore easily able to understand what’s being said, but lack the interest and wherewithall to focus on it and listen anyway. And if they do listen, can’t remember it when asked about it later.

* Most kids don’t lack the working memory to be able to hear instructions, hold them in mind and then get on with their work. So most kids avoid having to ask over and over, ‘What are we supposed to be doing, Miss?’

* Most kids don’t get asked to sit at the front or away from their friends so the teacher can keep an eye on them - a vain attempt to break the cycle of distraction and poor concentration. I find my mind wanders wherever I sit - and all the more so if I feel stressed or rejected. Or both…

* Most kids don’t constantly have to bear public correctives like, ‘sit still’, ‘where are you going?’, ‘sit down,’ ‘could you stop tapping/wriggling/leg-bouncing/fidgeting/whistling/clicking your fingers/clucking your tongue/clicking your pen, playing drums with your pencil…’ etc.

* Most kids don’t sit in class feeling like if they don’t move around they’ll explode, such that their concentration is focused on trying to move subtly without getting into trouble, rather than on the content of lesson.

* Most kids aren’t constantly told they’re talking too loudly, speaking over others or blurting things out.

I was not most kids. All of these typified my time in school (and since).

Social vs academic

For me, the social aspects of school far overshadowed any sense that I was there to learn. Playtimes and lunchtimes were brilliant—opportunities to run and play, chat and socialise with friends, and generally have a good time. Chasing girls, playing football, or hide-and-seek—this is what school was about for me.

The rest, the learning stuff… was just filling time.

Now, clearly, it wasn’t a complete waste of time. I learned to read (though, thanks to my Mum and Dad, I’d mastered the basics before I ever went to school) and got a grip on basic numeracy and other skills, no doubt. But any effort on the part of teachers to hone and develop these in a way that would prepare me for exams and a career commensurate with my innate ability didn’t materialise into much at all.

Part of the sadness I experienced when I finally accepted that I had ADHD (link to previous post here) was about what I might have achieved had I been able to take full advantage of school.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

I left school over 40 years ago, and things have changed a lot for the better since then. There’s still plenty of prejudice around, but generally speaking, schools are much more aware of ADHD and other learning problems than they ever were in my day.

However, as with any problem, the solution begins when professionals understand and empathise with the subjective struggle of the individual child and then adapt their input to serve them better.

In the years since my school days, I’ve studied and achieved well. But I had to do this despite having ADHD. At no point did I feel my learning style (or whatever) was taken into account, let alone embraced, understood, and accommodated so that I could properly engage.

ADHD prevented me from fully benefiting from school.

That shouldn’t happen.

A plea:

So, let me make a plea to teachers and educationalists everywhere: please familiarize yourself with ADHD and the challenges it poses for children. Work with specialists and colleagues to adapt classroom cultures and teaching approaches so that those children who struggle to sit still or to focus (or both) can be fully involved and not penalised for something they have absolutely no power over.

They were born different. Some of them—perhaps many of them—will achieve way beyond the average. But only with the right help.

Please leave a comment and let me know about your experiences!

More information:

* BOOK: When The Adults Change Everything Changes: Seismic Shifts in School Behaviour by Paul Dix - click here

* BOOK: ADHD Explained: Your Toolkit to Understanding and Thriving - click here

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* You can subscribe to this blog by clicking here. Your information is safe and you can unsubscribe anytime very easily.

* You can also “Like” this site on Facebook and “Follow” on Twitter, Google+ or Pinterest or connect with me on LinkedIn.

©Jonny Matthew 2024

INTRODUCTION

Living with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) can often feel like navigating a maze where time takes on a mysterious, elusive quality.

At times for me, it’s a bit like the soap in the bath, it’s there but I really struggle to grasp it and make it work for me.

Individuals with ADHD often face challenges perceiving time accurately, organising it effectively and running to the same timetable as everyone else.

In this post, we'll look at some common time-related hurdles faced by those with ADHD and offer some practical, everyday strategies to make time more manageable.

The ADHD Time Conundrum: Understanding the Challenges

Not understanding something makes it doubly difficult to deal with. Time can be like that for people with ADHD. Understanding how the two interact can save us from feeling silly when time-related difficulties arise.

1. Now and not now:

Having an overall sense of time can be really tricky for those of us with ADHD.

We don’t tend to think about time much, but when we do it falls into two blocks: now and not now. In other words, there are things I have to or want to focus on now and then there’s everything else!

This may sound bizarre and impossibly binary for some without the condition, but this is how I experience time - the only real focus is what’s happening or needs to happen now; everything else…well, I don’t think about that stuff much at all; not naturally anyway.

As a result, people with ADHD often appear disorganised, turn up late for appointments (if they turn up at all), forget things, let people down and spend a lot of time feeling stupid that all this happens despite their best efforts to be organised.

2. Pinball thinking:

One of the central challenges in ADHD is the constant churn of rapidly changing thoughts.

I often think of my brain being a bit like the ball bearing in a pinball machine, my thoughts constantly pinging from one springy rubber band to the next, with no coherent sense of being organised or ordered. And also a sense of not having much control over it all.

This dynamic thought process can make it challenging to focus on the steady flow of time. Time ticks on steadily and inexorably, but our thoughts are racing ahead in their own separate world, changing direction every few seconds.

So, we can easily feel cut off from or unaware of how events are unfolding around us - we literally lose track of time, where we are in time, how much is left, how long something might take and… You get the idea.

3. The Urgency Rush:

ADHD's hyperactivity can bring a constant sense of urgency. I think of it as feeling like I have a dynamo inside me that rarely stops and keeps me feeling like I’m constantly in a hurry or need to do something quickly.

This urgency can lead to overestimating the speed of time, making individuals with ADHD feel like they are in a perpetual race against the clock. This can rise to a sense of living under the cosh of an imminent deadline, with all the pressure and agitation that brings - and all without their even being a deadline at all.

For me, this makes the pinball thinking even worse as I always seem to have one of my ‘inner eyes’ on the clock rather than focusing on what I’m trying to get done - yet another distraction!

Caveat:

As with all the lived experiences of ADHD, we’re all different. Issues of time perception may or may not be an issue for you or the person you live with / know / love / care for who has it.

That said, knowing that it can be an issue is useful.

Parents, teachers, partners, friends and colleagues of those with ADHD should screen in the possibility that this might be an issue. This heightens the likelihood of an empathic and understanding response if/when the problem shows itself.

Taming Our Time Troubles - Some Strategies:

Here are a few simple strategies to help with the everyday challenges of time when you have ADHD or are supporting someone who has:

1. Embrace the Power of Routine: Creating and sticking to a routine can be a game-changer. Think of it as establishing a daily rhythm that helps your brain synchronise with the passage of time. Routines provide structure, making it easier to navigate through various activities with a clearer sense of time. They also build expectations of what will happen, in advance, which helps to keep us on track.

Daily and weekly routines provide a framework for all the other little tasks to fit in to, bringing an overall sense of order and, with it, a clearer sense of time.

2. Visual Aids as Time Allies: Visual timers, countdown clocks and alarms act as friendly guides in the journey through time. They act as personal timekeepers and offer visible cues that help you stay on track. By providing a tangible representation of time passing they make it easier to transition between tasks and activities. For someone who struggles with staying aware of anything that is ‘not now,’ signalling transitions in advance can be a godsend.

I have countdown timers on my computer screen, a ‘kitchen’ timer on my desk as well as numerous alarms on my watch - all set with the intention of keeping me on track. It usually works.

Usually…

3. Break Tasks into Manageable Bits: Big tasks can feel overwhelming, so breaking them down into smaller chunks can really help. So instead of trying to jump over the river in one go, breaking tasks down is like placing stepping stones across it so you can cross one step at a time. This approach can help to make bigger tasks feel less onerous, helping us avoid procrastination (another problem besetting lots of people with ADHD).

I try to split bigger things (a ‘project’) up into smaller steps (tasks). I use Notion for this, but any note-taking app or even a written list can help.

For me, doing one smaller thing at a time makes it much more likely I’ll eventually get the bigger thing done - all helping avert the wasting of time while I procrastinate and get distracted with other stuff.

4. Tech Support: Clocks, Timers & Time-Tracking Apps: These days there are so many different aids available to help with time-tracking. Such tools can act as personal assistants that help to keep us organised and on top of our diary.

Apps, timers, clocks and digital reminders don’t get distracted, forgetful or annoyed when time runs out, so why not use them to our advantage to help us work through time more effectively?

Of course, for these things to work we have to use them, so it’s important to play with different ones till you land on something that works for you. If you like techy stuff, do a deep dive into the possibilities on offer. If you’re more analogue in your approach, likewise.

If the system is a bad ‘fit’ or it irritates you, then you’re less likely to use it. So play around till you discover something you like and go for it!

Final Thoughts - Make it Personal:

Each individual with ADHD is unique, and so is their relationship with time.

It can help to see these strategies as a toolbox; so try out different tools and see which ones fit best with your style, your character and your way of working. Over time, you'll discover a rhythm that suits you, making your perception of time and its management, clearer and more achievable.

For those of us with ADHD, time can be an intricate landscape that is tricky to navigate. But imposing even a little bit of structure can really help and, backed up by digital aids and other tips and tricks, we can find our way very effectively.

Keep trying - you’ll get there!

More reading:

* BOOK: ADHD Explained: Your Toolkit to Understanding and Thriving - click here ( https://amzn.to/42i4mr7 )

* BLOG POST: How ADHD Warps Time Perception: Strategies to Stop Wasting and Start Managing Time - Magazine - click here

* BLOG POST: 15 Time-Management Tricks for ADHD Brains - ADDitude Magazine - click here

* PAPER - it you want something a bit more ‘deep dive’ on ADHD and time - try this

Subscribe & Follow?

* You can subscribe to this blog by clicking here. Your information is safe and you can unsubscribe anytime very easily.

* You can also “Like” this site on Facebook and “Follow” on Twitter, Google+ or Pinterest or connect with me on LinkedIn.

©️ Jonny Matthew 2024

INTRODUCTION:

Anyone with ADHD will tell you that it can be really frustrating when others dismiss it’s existence or dilute it’s gravity because they have experienced symptoms themselves.

To the person with ADHD, this is a shocking dismissal of their condition and fails completely to grasp the challenges of living with a brain that functions differently.

In the end, people who say things like this show themselves up for what they are - ignorant.

IT STICKS IN THE THROAT:

I know that ‘ignorant’ sounds a bit harsh. Maybe it is. But the plain truth is that having ADHD can be hard. Really hard. So when someone reduces that challenge to a triviality by saying things like, ‘we’re all a bit like that sometimes,’ it really sticks in the throat.

Low level symptoms

For me, one of the things that makes ADHD hard to grasp for those who don’t have it, is the list of symptoms. For example:

* Struggling to focus or pay attention

* Getting easily distracted

* Difficulty organising complex tasks

* Acting impulsively

* Forgetting or losing things (or both!)

* Not completing tasks or projects

There are more symptoms than this, of course, but they’ll do for our purposes here.

Look at this list. Tick off which ones you’ve ever experienced.

Let me guess how many… all of them? Of course! And that, right there, is the problem. None of these things are anything particularly severe, rare or-in themselves-debilitating. They’re pretty normal things that happen to all of us from time to time.

And therein lies the rub - ‘from time to time.’

Disrespectful

If we compare these ADHD symptoms, say, with those of an irregular heartbeat (atrial fibrillation). The symptoms for this are absolutely NOT what most of us experience from time to time.

For example, a sudden and acute awareness of your heart and it’s beat, feeling the palpitations in your chest and being worried that either it’s so slow that you might pass out or so fast that it might explode out of your chest - or maybe stop beating altogether.

No, I haven’t had that either. Very few of us can say we’ve ever felt like that. Or even a bit like that.

Running upstairs might raise your heart rate, but not to the point where you fear imminent death!

No-one would dismiss a heart condition on the basis that, ‘we all feel like that sometimes, don’t we?’ That would be ridiculous.

But they do it with ADHD all the time.

People wouldn’t do it with blindness or diabetes or a broken leg. But they do with ADHD.

A problem of degree

When symptoms like those of an irregular heartbeat are listed we can immediately tell whether or not we’ve ever experienced them - and most of us haven’t. But with ADHD symptoms, we’ve all experienced some of them; and that’s the problem: our experience means we can relate to them, and relating to them dilutes their potency as symptoms of a real condition - “I experience that sometimes and I haven’t got ADHD.’

But the issue is not whether or not you’ve ever experienced the symptom per se. It’s all about the degree to which you’ve experienced them. Just like running for a bus and raising your heart rate doesn’t mean you have atrial fibrillation, so feeling a bit distracted now and then doesn’t mean you have ADHD.

However:

* What if the level of distractibility meant you could sit at your desk for hours and, at the end of it all, get pretty much nothing done?

* What if your impulsivity meant you offended people regularly by blurting out the wrong thing, inappropriately, or making way too much noise than everyone else?

* What if every time someone rattled off a quick list of things for you to do, or things to pick up from the shop, you just can’t remember them?

Not sometimes. Not occasionally. Not just when you’re tired or pre-occupied with something else. But often, regularly.

Then it becomes a problem of degree not of type. It’s not just what happens, it’s how often or severely it happens, that makes the difference.

What did I come here for?

Let me give a personal example, to illustrate the point.

Have you ever got up out of your chair and walked into another room, only to find when you get there you’ve forgotten what you went for? Yep, me too. It’s a pretty common thing - something we’ve probably all experienced at some point.

But what if I told you that that happens to me up to a dozen or even 15 times a day, some days?

Sometimes I get up for a reason only to forget what it is and to arrive in the other room with no idea why I’m there. So I stand still. I speak to myself - usually out loud - saying, ‘breathe Jonny. Why did you come in here?’ And then, after a few seconds, I remember.

Sometimes, after I think it through, breathe for a second and have a word with myself, I conclude that there never was a reason, but my inner dynamo (the term I use for the incessant need to be moving) has propelled me out of my chair for no reason at all. The only place to move in the house is into another room. But I didn’t go there for an actual reason - it was about the movement.

15 times a day!

As you can see, it’s a problem of degree or severity not of type.

Clearly the vast majority of typical adults do not report having these problems often. There is a quantifiable, statistically significant, and noticeable difference between the experiences of those diagnosed with ADHD and others. (Russell A. Barkley PhD - ‘Taking Charge of Adult ADHD’)

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Of course, like most conditions whether mental or physical, ADHD has more than one or two symptoms. There are lots and most of them are things people in the non-ADHD population will have experienced at some point.

But when these things converge, happen often and the experience of them is severe and has a deleterious impact on everyday life, it becomes a problem.

So when other people then dismiss those symptoms as ‘normal’ and therefore not really indicative of ‘having’ a condition at all…then it’s frankly offensive and hurtful, only adding to the challenges of having a debilitating-even life-limiting-condition.

‘But we’re all a bit like that, aren’t we?’

No. No we’re not.

Please leave a comment and let me know about your experiences!

More information:

* DR RACHELLE SUMMERS (BARR) - Patreon Page

* BOOK: Taking Charge of Adult ADHD: Proven Strategies to Succeed at Home, at Work and In Relationships by Russell Barkley - click here (affiliate link)

* BOOK: Scattered Minds - The Origins & Healing of ADHD by Gabor Maté - click here (affiliate link)

* BOOK: ADHD 2.0 by Ed Halliwell & John Ratey - click here (affiliate link)

* ADHD Test: Do I Have ADHD? - click here

* ADHD Test: For Women - click here

Want to get in touch?

* Drop me a line here.

* Join the mailing list by clicking here (this is my email list, not Substack)

* You can also “Like” me on Facebook and “Follow” on Twitter or Pinterest or connect with me on LinkedIn.

©️ Jonny Matthew 2024

INTRODUCTION:

As I think about my own life as a serial stimmer, I’m aware of two glaring facts:

* When I’m alone I do it more and it doesn’t bother me in the slightest

* The only time it causes any tension or problem is when I feel judged for it and/or when I know it’s irritating to other people.

There’s a lesson here, both for the person with ADHD who stims and for those around them who witness it:

💡 Stimming is normal and so we need to find ways of accommodating it.

ROCKING THE BOAT:

The nub of the issue with stimming in public is that it rocks the boat; it breaks the conventions of socially ‘normal’ functioning and can be unsettling or even irritating for others.

Fair enough.

But so can the incoherent shouts of those with learning disabilities, the fainting of diabetic people with chronically low blood sugar or the slower pace of an elderly person negotiating a busy high street.

The difference is, that we don’t tend to readily attach blame to any of these people. We passively accept what we see and/or hear as a normal outward expression of an inward reality that is not their fault. In fact, to consider these manifestations as being about ‘fault’ at all is ridiculous and any attempt to blame, judge or sanction them would attract the ire of any reasonable person.

But stimming can sometimes be seen differently.

Don’t Judge

Rather than a natural sequelae of a person’s ADHD, stimming looks like indiscipline, insensitivity or socially inappropriate behaviour. It can appear silly or infantile, even odd.

Along with this, there can be a tacit assumption that, ‘they could stop if they put their mind to it,’ or ‘they just need to get a grip.’

I’ve had both these things said to me at different times. I even allowed the, ‘he’s a bit irritating’ narrative to take root as part of my own internal working model, sometimes even saying it myself to stave off the greater sting of someone else saying it first.

This is no good. Passing judgment-whether overtly or not-is spectacularly UNhelpful.

Ironically for the judge, and sadly for the person being judged, this approach might actually make the stimming worse in those for whom it’s a way of dealing with stress.

HOW TO HELP A STIMMER - some ideas:

So, if stimming is a normal part of life for some, how can we help?

Here are a few ideas - as always, this is not an exhaustive list, just some thoughts to provoke us to think more about how we can be supportive.

1. Respect and Acceptance

* Show understanding and acceptance towards stimming behaviours - treat them as natural expressions that can help with sensory regulation and/or emotional coping.

* Don’t judge, criticise, or attempt to dampen down or discourage stimming - it may be essential for the person’s well-being.

* If you know the person well enough, you could ask what they feel like when they stim or what they get out of it. This helps break down barriers and/or gently let the person know they’re doing it - they may even be grateful as a lot of stimmers do so unconsciously.

2. Create a Safe and Non-Judgmental Environment

* Try to create an inclusive environment that accepts stimming as a normal and accepted part of the individual’s functioning.

* If someone needs to stim, let them. Rather than judging what they do, let them get on with it and carry on around them.

* Be mindful that there may be situational drivers to the behaviour - i.e. the environment itself may be one of or the causal factor that brought on the stimming in the first place. Stimming can be brought on or heightened by stress…

* Try out different and more nuanced approaches to see what works best - this is particularly applicable to places like residential settings, foster placements and the like where there is a good level of influence over what happens when and how the living situation functions.

3. Communicate Openly

* Have open, honest and respectful conversations with the person about their stimming: what are their preferences, boundaries, and what would they like, if anything, to make things easier or more comfortable?

* Remember, each individual is the expert on their own subjective experiences; adopt the role of a learner during these discussions and allow the person in question to teach you about themselves.

* Encourage them to express their thoughts about it all and what they need. Normalise them giving feedback on how their stimming is going and how it affects daily life.

* At all times, be gentle and kind.

4. Support Self-Regulation Strategies

* Encourage the individual to explore and develop additional self-regulation strategies alongside stimming, such as deep breathing exercises, mindfulness techniques or physical activities (I’ve found great benefit in using mindfulness in particular; it allows me to calm my ‘core’ somehow, such that everything feels a little less jittery).

* Help them identify and implement strategies that can complement stimming and promote overall well-being. Walking or other physical activities might help, both ‘in the moment’ during periods of agitation or excessive stimming or as part of a broader routine for coping with their ADHD.

5. Provide Sensory Supports

* Offer sensory tools or objects, such as fidget spinners, stress toys/balls, a rubber band or a big ball of Blu Tac (this is one of my favourites). These can serve as alternative stimming outlets and help channel excessive energy and/or sensory needs.

* Allow someone to wear ear phones or play music in the room at a low level - usually music or sounds without words is best as it’s less distracting, but can help tune-out other sounds and promote focus.

* Create sensory-friendly spaces or a designated area where the individual can freely engage in stimming without feeling self-conscious. This can be a help in and of itself, or can work as a step along the way while a more accepting, non-judgmental and supportive environment develops.

Remember, as always, each individual's stimming behaviours and preferences may vary, so it's important to approach them with empathy, flexibility and a willingness to understand their unique needs and experiences.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Of course, your relationship to the person who stims, where it occurs and how it interacts with the particular environment, will all be factors in whether or how to apply these ideas.

As usual with any form of prejudice, though, understanding is key as is being open-minded and willing to learn from those who know - the stimmers themselves.

Having survived my jokey, homicidal threat from the office downstairs (see the previous post), I found myself laughing and aware that my tapping behaviour, though subconscious to me, was actually causing an issue for someone else.

By dealing with it gently, humorously and without judgment, everyone was better off.

More Info

* DR LAMAR HARDWICK - web page

* Understanding Vocal Stimming in Autism & ADHD - from VeryWellMind

* BOOK: Scattered Minds - The Origins & Healing of ADHD - click here (affiliate link)

* BOOK: ADHD 2.0 by Ed Halliwell & John Ratey - click here (affiliate link)

* ADHD Test: Do I Have ADHD? - click here

* ADHD Test: For Women - click here

Want to get in touch?

* Drop me a line here.

* Join the mailing list by clicking here (this is my email list, not Substack)

* You can also “Like” this site on Facebook and “Follow” on Twitter or Pinterest or connect with me on LinkedIn.

© Jonny Matthew 2024

INTRODUCTION:

One day at work, I had a phone call from my colleague in the office downstairs, directly under mine. All she said, in a mockingly sing-song voice was, ‘I’m going to stab you!’

I’d been tapping on my desk again and she was enduring hours of constant vibration as my fidgeting rattled through the floor and disturbed her work in the office below.

It’s just one of the things I do that we can say confidently comes as part of my ADHD package. The name for this is ‘stimming.’

WHAT IS STIMMING?

Stimming, or self-stimulation, is common amongst people with ADHD. It refers to the kinds of repetitive movements, sounds or actions that can help with emotional self-regulation, improve focus, regulate sensory inputs and/or relieve stress.

We all engage in stimming from time to time, but ADHD stimming tends to be more intense, more frequent and can interfere with normal functioning (e.g. by causing problems at school, at work or in social settings).

And it can be really annoying to others - hence my colleague expressing her homicidal impulses on the phone!

TYPES OF STIMMING

In this section I’ll run through some of the different kinds of stimming behaviour observed in people with ADHD.

Motor Stimming:

* Finger tapping or drumming - sometimes with implements (pens, pencils, rulers, cutlery, etc.)

* Pacing or fidgeting - involuntary movements while sitting and/or getting up and moving around

* Rocking back and forth - more commonly associated with ASD, this can also occur (usually in a less overt form) in people with ADHD

* Twirling or flicking objects - the non-rhythmical fiddling with ‘stuff’ (see object stimming)

* Repeatedly bouncing a leg - in my case both legs - while simultaneously tapping out precise and complex rhythms with my fingers!

Vocal Stimming:

* Humming, whistling, giggling or…

* Other mouth sounds - repetitive throat clearing, clicking the tongue, rhythmic blowing (whistling without a discernible tune)

* Making other repetitive, odd noises or sounds

* Singing constantly - often the very same few words or single line over and over

Tactile Stimming:

* Scratching or rubbing certain textures

* Rubbing hands together or on clothing

* Running fingers through hair, twisting hair round a finger

* Tapping or touching surfaces, cracking knuckles

* Where the stimming produces a sound or rhythmic noise, this is sometimes referred to as auditory stimming

Oral Stimming:

* Chewing at objects, clothing or fingernails

* Biting lips, scratching the skin, biting the inner cheeks

* Tapping teeth together or flicking the tongue back and fore rhythmically

Object Stimming:

* Spinning or rotating objects

* Flipping or manipulating small items (pens, coins, anything to hand)

* Stacking or arranging objects for no obvious reason

Vestibular Stimming

* Spinning, rocking or swinging

Image ©️ Rosalie Winard

WHAT’S THE POINT?

Good question.

For me, as with many others I’m sure, there is no conscious decision to start an episode of stimming - it just happens.

At some later point it comes into consciousness as you become aware you’re doing it. Or sometimes someone else will bring it to your attention - occasionally with threats of violence if you don’t stop! :0)

Here are a few reasons why people with ADHD may ‘stim’:

* Sensory Regulation: Stimming can help those with ADHD regulate their in-the-moment sensory experiences. Engaging in repetitive and/or rhythmical movements or actions, can help them avoid or seek out certain sensory experiences and so find a balance that feels more comfortable or calming to them.

* Focus and Attention: Some individuals with ADHD - me included - find that stimming helps them to focus and pay attention more effectively. There’s something about the repetitive nature of it that helps them concentrate on tasks and/or filter out potential distractions. I stim most when concentrating.

* Self-Soothing and Emotional Regulation: Stimming can serve as a way of self-soothing for people with ADHD. The movements, sounds or actions help to soothe stress, dial down anxiety or frustration, and help to provide a sense of comfort. All this promotes and helps to maintain emotional self-regulation.

* Energy Release: Stimming can be a way for individuals with ADHD - perhaps particularly those who are of the hyperactive/impulsive subtype? - to release some of their excess energy. Stimming can help channel some of that energy and restlessness into a more controlled and manageable form of physical expression. Personally, if I’m going to have any chance of paying close and focused attention to anything, I will be stimming at the same time. To concentrate on work, for example, I need to sit; to sit still I must quieten the dynamo within - that’s where stimming really helps.

* Coping Strategy: People with ADHD may use stimming as a coping mechanism. Especially in high stress or potentially overwhelming situations, stimming can bring an increased sense of structure and/or control.

N.B. This is not an exhaustive list. Stimming can appear very differently and be present for different reasons in different individuals and will vary dependent on the situation. People may derive very different and varied benefits from it, too. And challenges.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

I am a stimmer, always have been and I know it drives people nuts sometimes! But I also know that it helps me.

I often notice that I’m stimming when I’m in specific kinds of situations; for example: when really concentrating, when focused on a task I find tricky like using working memory (holding thoughts in my mind while I do something with them) or when I’m nervous, anxious or in a stressful moment.

I’ve learned over the years to be kind to myself about it. Rather than being self-critical or allowing myself to feel like a twit, I just notice it, smile to myself and crack on - because I know that usually, in some way or another, it’s helping.

Even if it’s not always helpful to others…

More Info

* BOOK: Scattered Minds - The Origins & Healing of ADHD - click here (affiliate link)

* BOOK: ADHD 2.0 by Ed Halliwell & John Ratey - click here (affiliate link)

* ADHD Test: Do I Have ADHD? - click here

* ADHD Test: For Women - click here

Want to get in touch?

* Drop me a line here.

* Join the mailing list by clicking here (this is my email list, not Substack)

* You can also “Like” this site on Facebook and “Follow” on Twitter or Pinterest or connect with me on LinkedIn.

© Jonny Matthew 2024

INTRODUCTION

In the first one of these posts (Diagnosed With ADHD as an Adult 1 - Challenges) we looked at some of the bumps in the road having a diagnosis can bring.

Here they are:

* Late Recognition and Missed opportunities

* Impact on Daily Functioning

* Emotional Well-being

* Stigma and Misunderstanding

* Treatment Adjustments

* Overwhelm

Of course, everyone is affected differently; some a lot, some much less so.

But while getting a diagnosis is a good thing, especially being clear about what we’re dealing with, it can also trigger a challenging period of adjustment.

In this post, I want to offer a few practical tips that might help my fellow ADHD journeyers who are coming to terms with the reality of their diagnosis, and may be bring a little hope in the face of the challenges.

Caveat

As with the challenges themselves, a tip that works for one may or may not be helpful to others; the solutions are as unique in their applicability as the challenges they address.

That said, I’ve found both comfort and practical help in listening to the advice of others and learning from their experiences.

So, here are a few things that might help, especially if your diagnosis was relatively recent.

Practical Tips for Coping with Adult ADHD:

1. Education and Self-awareness:

Learn about ADHD and how it shows itself in adults. Understanding the range of challenges associated with the condition is the first step towards understanding yourself better and finding ways to manage things more effectively.

* Read about the experiences of others and how they’ve coped. I found reading around the subject fantastically helpful - my two favourite ADHD books are listed in the ‘more info’ section below, if you’re looking for somewhere to start.

For me, the great benefit of reading was seeing myself in what others were saying. In page after page of comment and anecdote about ADHD, I found myself saying, ‘Yes! That’s me!’ This came as both a validation and a relief.

2. Structured Routines:

Establishing structured routines can help in managing daily tasks and responsibilities.

I should say at the outset that I hate routine. The very thought of having to do things, of having the day organised drives me nuts. I’d much rather stumble through, doing whatever my nose leads me in to. But I’ve learned ages ago that this just doesn’t work; the thought is much better than the reality.

* Start at the macro level by deciding what things you’re going to do on which days of the week. This applies to work things, domestic responsibilities and the fun stuff.

* Then zoom in and assign individual recurring tasks to specific time slots on particular days. This will give you a sense of the broad structure of the week and the rough parameters of each day.

I know, the thought of it is a real ball ache. But it’ll help.

3. Effective Time Management:

This can sound horribly patronising, I know! But it’s not.

Working out how to capture what needs doing into some kind of list or plan, makes a huge difference. Personally, I easily feel swamped by the sheer number of things that need doing. Each one is easy. I can do it. But together they feel overwhelming sometimes.

Taming this particular beast can make a big positive difference.

* Use tools like planners, alarms, and reminders to enhance your time management skills - try a few different ones and build a system that works for you.

* I have digital onscreen countdown timers, Apple Watch alarms and a kitchen timer all on my desk to remind me of different things.

* Breaking down larger tasks into smaller, more manageable steps can make a significant difference - I split things up into projects and tasks to help me organise things better. Projects being the overall ‘thing’ I’m working on; tasks being the smaller individual steps I need to take to achieve the bigger goal.

You will still forget things, procrastinate and get distracted - this is a given - but you also get a lot more done and feel better doing it, once you build a system that works for you.

(For those who might be interested, I use Notion for nearly everything. Specifically, Thomas Frank’s ‘Ultimate Brain’ template is just superb!)

My customisation of the Thomas Frank Ultimate Brain template…

4. Seeking Support:

If people don’t know about your diagnosis, how can they help you? Living with and dealing with a condition like ADHD is easier when you’re not alone.

* Share your diagnosis with close friends, family, and colleagues. Educate them about ADHD to foster understanding and create a supportive environment. It’s helpful to share your personal experience of how the condition plays out for you - this personalises it and keeps it from being or becoming a distant medical thing.

* Be mindful that you may not always get the response from people that you’d like. I’ve had both extremely empathic responses (’that must be really difficult’) and dismissive and minimising ones (’we’re all bit like that, aren’t we?’). Expect both and you’ll be ready for it.

* Consider joining support groups or seeking therapy or ADHD coaching to connect with others who understand and/or share similar experiences.

5. Professional Guidance:

Whether or not they have lived experience of the condition, there is always benefit in hearing what the experts have to say.

* Work closely with healthcare professionals, including psychiatrists, coaches and therapists, to tailor a treatment plan that suits your individual needs.

* Ask your questions - be honest, don’t hold back and keep asking until you feel you’ve been heard.

* Regular communication with your healthcare team is essential for making adjustments to medications or therapeutic interventions - but unless they know how you’re doing and what you’re feeling, they can’t make intelligent adjustments to your regimen.

* The accountability of regular ‘check-ins’ like this can really help to anchor you and provide opportunities for feedback and accountability, as well as helping with focus.

6. Try, Tweak & Try Again

Any plan for dealing with ADHD is an iterative process - you have try, review, adjust and try again. Over and over. It’s the only way.

* Every person’s experience of ADHD is different. You, your partner, your kids and family won’t experience or respond to it the same way that me and my family do.

* As you build a world of people, plans and professionals to help you make the absolute best of your talents, don’t be afraid to change things as you get to know yourself and your condition better.

* ADHD is not a condition that allows you to settle into a permanent state of affairs. If you’re anything like me, it’ll drive you to change, adapt, try new things, deep dive into something and then deep dive into something completely different in a few weeks time. That’s fine. Celebrate it. Enjoy it. And go again.

* If/when something doesn’t work well or stops being effective, look for another way, improve or replace it with something else. Your age, family circumstances, work factors and a myriad of other things can change over time, so it’s important to stay flexible and to tweak your approach as/when necessary.

FINAL THOUGHTS…

Discovering that you have Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) as an adult can be a revelation. It often brings clarity to past struggles while presenting new challenges.

I hope you get a sense from this post that there is real hope for people with ADHD.

It can be managed well. More than that, the myriad strengths and positive aspects of ADHD can be harnessed to produce a life that is fun, fulfilling and productive.

Please leave a comment below and let me know your experiences!

More information:

* Coaching for ADHD - check out AdvanceADHD to see an excellent example

* BOOK: ADHD According to Zoë: The Real Deal on Relationships, Finding Your Focus, and Finding Your Keys - click here (affiliate link)

* BOOK: Scattered Minds - The Origins & Healing of ADHD - click here (affiliate link)

* BOOK: ADHD 2.0 by Ed Halliwell & John Ratey - click here (affiliate link)

* ADHD Test: Do I Have ADHD? - click here

* ADHD Test: For Women - click here

Subscribe & Follow?

* You can subscribe join the mailing list by clicking here. Your information is safe and you can unsubscribe anytime very easily.

* You can also “Like” this site on Facebook and “Follow” on Twitter, Google+ or Pinterest or connect with me on LinkedIn.

Want to get in touch? Drop me a line here.

© Jonny Matthew 2024

INTRODUCTION:

It’s not that long ago that I had to come to terms with being an adult with ADHD. I was a child with ADHD too, of course, but I didn’t know it then.

After years of suspecting so, I decided to ask two child psychiatrist friends if they thought I actually did have ADHD. They both laughed and said, ‘of course!’ and ‘definitely!’

I guess being called ‘Tigger’ at school was closer to the mark than we all thought at the time.

DIAGNOSIS:

A Turning Point

You may be like me in that you’re an adult and beginning to feel the effects of living life at high speed and want to manage things better to stay well. Or you may be younger and struggling to get going in life and want to know if ADHD might explain the challenges. Or may be you’re parenting a child you think has the condition & feeling a bit lost on where to turn.

Whatever the reason or stage of life you find yourself in, getting an assessment is a good thing. Really. It brings clarity, opens the door to new treatments and opportunities, and signals a new phase of life where you know clearly what you’re dealing with.

So it’s definitely a good thing.

But, if the assessment results in a diagnosis of ADHD, there are some challenges, too. Here’s a quick summary of a few of them; I offer these by way of validation for those who’ve already walked this path and as a word-to-the-wise for others who are earlier in the process. As always, it’s not an exhaustive list - just a few pointers.

Challenges Faced by Adults Receiving an ADHD Diagnosis

1. Late Recognition and Missed opportunities

Many adults with ADHD go undiagnosed during childhood. As a result, they may have coped with challenges like impulsivity, inattention, and hyperactivity without understanding the root cause or having clearly defined strategies to make life easier.

Some don’t really cope at all and life has been fraught with loss, failed relationships, addiction, injury, frustration and more.

💡 A delayed diagnosis can lead to a sense of anger or frustration at missed opportunities for interventions earlier in life. There may even be a period of grieving what was lost or ‘what could’ve been.’

2. Impact on Daily Functioning

ADHD can significantly affect daily life, from work and personal relationships to a sense of being able to focus and achieve. Adults may struggle with time management, organization, and maintaining focus on tasks.

Challenges in the workplace can lead to stress, poor career progression and difficulties in meeting expectations - those of others and those that are self-imposed.

For some, the impact of ADHD has meant no real ‘career’ at all; instead, they lurch from job to job with a pervasive sense of confusion and frustration about why things are as they are.

💡 A diagnosis, while helpful in the longer term, can bring such difficulties into sharp focus, the realisation of which becomes a challenge in itself.

3. Emotional Well-being

Receiving an ADHD diagnosis can stir up a range of emotions, including relief, validation and, sometimes, a sense of loss and/or anger for the years spent grappling with challenges. Particularly as we were doing so ‘in the dark,’ as it were, not knowing why things were a struggle.

Emotional dysregulation is a common feature of ADHD, which can make dealing with them difficult at the best of times. Doing so in the context of a new diagnosis may be particularly challenging - it certainly was for me.

💡 Learning to manage the emotional struggles of the condition and then of a new diagnosis, can be especially tricky in the journey towards increasing stability.

4. Stigma and Misunderstanding:

There can be a real stigma surrounding ADHD, often perpetuating common misconceptions about the disorder. For example:

* ‘We’re all a bit like that, aren’t we?’

* ‘It’s not a condition, they’re just ‘busy’ people’

* ‘They just need to be a bit more careful, organised, disciplined, (fill in the blank)…’

Adults may face judgment or skepticism from others when they talk about their diagnosis; this can impact their self-esteem and confidence, leading to isolation/withdrawal or even questioning the diagnosis itself.

It’s so important not to allow the ignorance of others about the condition to influence how we perceive ourselves.

💡 Your priority is you; press on, lift your chin, reject the one-dimensional quick judgments of anyone else (even family) and stay the course - build a regimen that suits you and you really will become a better version of yourself. Eventually.

5. Treatment Adjustments:

Adjusting to ADHD medications, if prescribed, can be a process of trial and error; navigating side effects, getting the dosage right and settling into new life-habits all takes time.

Managing side effects and understanding the medication's role in overall treatment can be challenging. Establishing new routines and ways of organising things can be tricky, too; as can settling into therapy or ADHD coaching.

The sense of seeing life differently and building a new reality now the condition is known, can feel a bit overwhelming.

💡 In my experience though - and that of others I’ve talked to - is that there are very few ‘cons,’ particularly once the titration (finding the right dosage) is done and your strategies are in place. You’ll learn to manage the downside of it and release the strengths. And there are lots of strengths - more on this in future posts!

6. Overwhelm:

While receiving a diagnosis of ADHD can be a relief, it does bring new challenges.

For example, you might find yourself asking:

* ‘How will I deal with the future as an adult with ADHD?’

* ‘Will my marriage, job, relationships, achievements in the future be like the ones in the past - fraught with problems and disappointment - or is there hope for better things?’

* ‘Having lost so much as a result of this condition, how can I make the most of the time I have left?’ (This was a big one for me)

The pressure to make the most of the future while dealing with regret about the past can feel like a heavy burden, for sure. But, this too will pass! You will get through it and find a new sense of clarity, purpose and encouragement - so please keep going!

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Discovering that you have Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) as an adult can be a revelation. It often brings clarity to past struggles while presenting new challenges.

I hope you get a sense from this post that this is a normal part of the process.

In the next post, I’ll look at some tips for building hope and pressing through some of the challenges. This condition of ours can be managed well. More than that, the myriad strengths and positive aspects of ADHD can be harnessed to produce a life that is more fun, fulfilling and productive than it was before the diagnosis.

See you in the next one!

More information:

* BOOK: Taking Charge of Adult ADHD - Proven Strategies to Succeed at Work, at Home, and in Relationships by Russell A. Barkley - click here (affiliate link)

* BOOK: Scattered Minds - The Origins & Healing of ADHD by Gabor Maté - click here (affiliate link)

* BOOK: ADHD 2.0 by Ed Halliwell & John Ratey - click here (affiliate link)

* ADHD Test: Do I Have ADHD? - click here

* ADHD Test: For Women - click here

Want to get in touch?

* Drop me a line here.

* Join the mailing list by clicking here (this is my email list, not Substack)

* You can also “Like” me on Facebook and “Follow” on Twitter or Pinterest or connect with me on LinkedIn.

©️ Jonny Matthew 2024

INTRODUCTION:

I’ve had ADHD since I was little. I’m now in my late 50s.

I can’t recall exactly when I first realised that there was something different going on with me – but I was an adult before the light really dawned.

Well known, but not known about

Most people who work with troubled kids will have heard about ADHD - unless they’re living under a rock!

In my experience, though, many don’t know much beyond the very basics.

In fact, lots of people I speak to have a view of ADHD limited to kids with an unusual degree of physical hyperactivity. The fidgety kids who can’t sit still – ‘Oh, he’s the one with ADHD.’

We need a broader sense of what ADHD is and of how it affects children’s functioning, if we’re to really help them push through and do better.

🚨 DISCLAIMER: what follows is a very brief aggregation of my reading – I am not a clinician. If you need help or an assessment for yourself or for someone else, please consult a doctor 🚨

DEFINITION (ish!)

In a nutshell

Here’s my very brief, non-medical, summary of what it is:

💡 ADHD (Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder) is a neuro-developmental condition that commonly affects children but can persist into adulthood. It is characterised by persistent patterns of inattention, hyperactivity, and impulsivity, which can significantly impact an individual’s daily functioning and quality of life.

Some key summary points about ADHD

* Definition: ADHD is a neuro-developmental condition which contributes to children (and adults) experiencing abnormal levels of inattention, hyperactivity, and impulsivity.

* Prevalence: It is one of the most common childhood neuro-developmental disorders. It is thought to affect around 5-10% of children. Symptoms normally appear in early childhood, but they very often persist into the teenage years and beyond, into adulthood.

* Inattention: Sustaining attention is perhaps the most prevalent symptom of ADHD. This shows itself in distractibility (i.e. difficulty paying attention), forgetfulness (e.g. losing things, not keeping appointments), struggling to follow instructions and difficulties with [complex] task-completion.

* Hyperactivity: Perhaps the most well-known symptom, hyperactivity manifests as excessive physical agitation, such as fidgeting, restlessness, and having trouble sitting still. People with ADHD may struggle to engage in quiet activities and seem to be ‘on the go’ all the time.  I’ve heard it described as feeling like having a dynamo inside - this is how I describe my own experience of hyperactivity.

* Impulsivity: Impulsivity refers to acting without thought for potential consequences – act first, think…whenever! Individuals with ADHD may also cut across conversations and interrupt people, and/or struggle with self-control (e.g. saying ill-thought-through and/or inappropriate things, buying things they can’t really afford, acting rashly or taking risks, etc.).

Subtypes

ADHD is classified into 3 subtypes:

* Predominantly inattentive presentation,

* Predominantly hyperactive-impulsive presentation, or

* Combined presentation (inattention, hyperactivity, and impulsivity).

For the diagnostic detail - learn more here.

Diagnosis

* Diagnosis is typically made through a comprehensive assessment by a psychiatrist, sometimes in partnership with a clinical psychologist, who follow a diagnostic manual – either DSM-V (North American) or ICD-11 (World Health Organisation).

* Nurses (psychiatric, mental health, learning disability), occupational therapists and speech and language therapists can also play an important role in the process of a comprehensive assessment.

Symptoms

* These must be significant and present for at least 6 months, start before the age of 12, be outside of what’s normal for the person’s age & intellectual functioning, be present in multiple different settings and have a notable negative impact on everyday life (e.g. school, work, social relationships).

‘Causes’

* This is the focus of great debate and much ongoing research! But the truth of it is likely to be some combination of genetic, environmental, and neurological factors, possibly differing from person to person. Differences in brain structure, differences in functioning and neurotransmitter imbalances, may also contribute to the condition.

‘Scientists have not yet identified the specific causes of ADHD. While there is growing evidence that genetics contribute to ADHD and several genes have been linked to the disorder, no specific gene or gene combination has been identified as the cause of the disorder. However, it is important to note that relatives of individuals with ADHD are often also affected. There is evidence of anatomical differences in the brains of children with ADHD in comparison to other children without the condition.’ (American Psychiatric Association)

If my reading is representative, then there seems to be more weight given (generally) to the genetic/heritable hypothesis than the developmental/traumagenic one.

If you’d like to read more on the view that trauma and/or early attachment issues may significantly contribute to the development of ADHD (a view I have a lot of sympathy with), try Gabor Maté’s book, Scattered Minds - The Origins & Healing of Attention Deficit Disorder.

Comorbidities

* ADHD often coexists with other conditions like learning disabilities, autistic spectrum disorders, anxiety disorders and depression - for example.

* These ‘comorbidities’ can further complicate diagnosis and treatment.

Treatment

* Treatment for ADHD typically involves a combination of approaches, including (but not limited to) coaching, behavioural interventions/practical strategies, therapy and medication.

* The regimen for each person is unique and requires regular review, particularly where medications are a feature.

* Those diagnosed as adults often find that many of their habits, past times and organisational methods are adaptations they’ve made to help them cope more effectively with the condition. Further development and refinement of these can be a useful part of the treatment journey, helped by coaching, support groups, therapy and/or discussions with friends who have ADHD.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Clearly, ADHD is a lot more than being a ‘fidgety kid.’ This an an unhelpful stereotype.

Rather, it is a complex condition that has real and troublesome impacts on everyday life. It needs looking at carefully by qualified people so children (and adults like me!) can get the help they need.

Please let me know about your experiences!

More information:

* BOOK: Scattered Minds - The Origins & Healing of ADHD by Gabor Maté - click here (affiliate link)

* BOOK: ADHD 2.0 by Ed Halliwell & John Ratey - click here (affiliate link)

* ADHD Test: Do I Have ADHD? - click here

* ADHD Test: For Women - click here

Want to get in touch?

* Drop me a line here.

* Join the mailing list by clicking here (this is my email list, not Substack)

* You can also “Like” me on Facebook and “Follow” on Twitter or Pinterest or connect with me on LinkedIn.

©️ Jonny Matthew 2024

INTRODUCTION:

It’s one thing to have a doctor tell you you have ADHD. It’s quite another for you to tell other people!

To tell or not to tell, this is the question - whether ‘t’is nobler in the mind to… Well, you get the idea.

There are pros and cons on both sides, of course.

There may well be benefits in letting people know, certainly those closest to you (tip: they probably know already or at least won’t be surprised when you tell them).

But for everyone else, it really is none of their business, is it?

Information can encourage others to adapt and take account of your condition where they can. But details of your health shouldn’t have to be disclosed to have them treat you fairly and without judgment.

And so the pendulum goes on swinging; pros and cons, pros and cons.

THE DIFFERENCE:

For me the reality was slightly different, as lots of people either had me pinned as ADHD anyway or else had heard the jokes and teasing and just assumed it from there.

That said, there’s a difference between someone you think of as being ‘a bit ADHD’ and someone who tells you they have a diagnosis.

A big difference as it turns out.

Catharsis

Having come to terms with ‘actually’ having ADHD (see previous post) I now found myself wanting to tell everyone.

Weird, right?

Well, maybe not…

I quickly discovered that there was something incredibly cathartic and deeply satisfying about mentioning my condition. While that was probably mostly about me and my need to vent (maybe?), the plain truth was that most people seemed genuinely interested to know. Nobody has yet expressed great surprise or suggested, however subtly, that sharing like this might not be appropriate.

So, while I do sometimes wonder if I should back off a bit and be more selective in who I tell, the benefits seem to outweigh the disadvantages.

But there are some disadvantages…

Disadvantages

Like most people with ADHD, I’m familiar with the sorts of things people sometimes say when confronted with the symptoms:

* We all experience that from time to time, don’t we?

* If you tried a little bit harder, I’m sure you’d get better at… (fill in the blank)

* A bit more discipline and you’d be fine - we all get restless occasionally

* Maybe if you just stopped and thought about things first, you wouldn’t… (fill in the blank)

And other such nonsense! (A later blog post or two will address some of these ‘myths’ about ADHD)

Despite the ever-widening knowledge of ADHD and the strides forward made in understanding disability generally, people still hold these views. Many don’t voice them but believe them just the same. Some occasionally do voice them.

I guess my openness has meant I’m perhaps exposed to more of this than I was before. But inducing people to say daft things like this is definitely a disadvantage.

Also, it heightens the chance that, in a fit of impulsive rage, I might punch them in the face - never a good way to win people over! :o)

Limited information

Representative expertise is another challenge that is both positive and negative.

By ‘representative expertise’ I mean that because I have ADHD, some people assume I can speak on behalf of all those with the condition, as if my personal experience somehow represents those of everyone else.

It’s positive in that people become less inhibited in asking questions about ADHD. They just plunge right in and ask. I love this - it gives me an opportunity to sharpen people’s knowledge and empathy for those with ADHD, particularly children who can’t really speak up for themselves.

I guess the disadvantage is that I really can’t speak for everyone with ADHD. I have my own experience to share and many years of professional practice, but I can’t give the unique ‘sufferer’ perspective for anyone else; just for me.

* I can’t speak for someone with the inattentive subtype

* I can’t speak for girls and women with ADHD (all of whom are unique anyway)

* I can’t speak for children confronted with the rigours of the school system now

* I can’t speak for those with co-morbidities different from mine (of which there are a myriad combinations)

Ambassador?

Having said all that though, I do think the pros outweigh the cons by a country mile when it comes to speaking out about living with ADHD.

For a start, by doing so I’ve discovered a whole load of other people in the same boat - people I would probably never have found if I hadn’t mentioned it myself.

Whilst I can’t speak ‘for’ others specifically, I can help raise awareness and empathy for the condition by sharing my own experiences of it. In this sense, at least, I can be an ambassador of sorts.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

For me, the chance to tell someone not only the facts of my journey with this condition, but to convey the feelings, is the biggest win of all.

There is just something uniquely compelling about someone who knows the facts but is also living with the challenges and the daily consequences.

I always make a point of saying how hard it is for kids with ADHD; how often they’re labelled, misunderstood, penalised, excluded and disadvantaged because their brains work differently to most other people’s. THAT is absolutely worth ‘coming out’ for!

Please leave a comment and let me know about your experiences!

More information:

* BOOK: Scattered Minds - The Origins & Healing of ADHD by Gabor Maté - click here (affiliate link)

* BOOK: ADHD 2.0 by Ed Halliwell & John Ratey - click here (affiliate link)

* ADHD Test: Do I Have ADHD? - click here

* ADHD Test: For Women - click here

Want to get in touch?

* Drop me a line here.

* Join the mailing list by clicking here (this is my email list, not Substack)

* You can also “Like” me on Facebook and “Follow” on Twitter or Pinterest or connect with me on LinkedIn.

© Jonny Matthew 2024

INTRODUCTION:

At the time of writing this I am 59 years old, but this process started about three years ago.

A close friend of mine, also in his 50s, was diagnosed with ADHD - Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, combined subtype.

It was the idea of a ‘diagnosis’ that changed things for me - there was something about this that made it ‘actual’ in a way I hadn’t considered before. Someone who knew about this sort of thing looked at my friend and decided that he ‘had’ the condition. It was ‘a thing’ and he ‘had it.’ There you go then.

But this set me thinking.

THE JOURNEY:

My own journey with ADHD started donkey’s years ago when I first became aware of it while working with troubled young people. Over the years, I learned more and more about it. I adapted my practice to help ‘ADHD kids’ more effectively. I read research papers and tried to keep myself informed about it all. Heck, I even mentioned to kids that I was ‘a bit ADHD’ myself.

So far, so good.

As time - decades in fact - went by, I quietly owned the fact that I was more than ‘a bit ADHD.’ Other professionals teased me about it gently. I played up to it now and then and developed a pride in being a professional social worker who was coping despite my condition. I even had close friends and colleagues - including psychologists and psychiatrists - who sensitively and quietly left me in no doubt that I had ADHD.

So, I reached 56 years old with all this going on and then something changed.

Trigger

My friend got his diagnosis.

Quite how or why this changed things so much for me, I’m not entirely sure; but it did. Radically. Maybe it was something about the formality of it? Having a doctor say, ‘you have this,’ seemed to ‘up the ante’ somehow.

I found a different narrative going on in my head. I moved from someone who’d long identified with ADHD, to someone asking himself whether I ‘actually had it,’ The ‘actual’ bit suddenly mattered.

I decided to dig deeper.

Confirmation

I immediately contacted two of my psychiatrist friends and tentatively suggested that, all joking apart, I was thinking I might actually have ADHD. They both laughed out loud. The tone of their responses, I felt, was one of, ‘of course you do, you know you do and, if you’re in any doubt, we know you do!’

Of course they were more subtle than that and responded carefully and tentatively, but the laugh gave it away. Here were two consultant psychiatrists - experts in their field with about 80 years of clinical experience between them - effectively saying, ‘Yes, Jonny, you have ADHD.’

The cat was now well and truly out of the bag.

In the space of a few days I’d gone from tacitly assuming I had the condition and not thinking a great deal about it, to having mental health professionals confirm it. Suddenly, it all seemed so much more ‘actual.’

Shock

Despite spending my working life, 40+ years of it, nominally thinking of myself as being ‘a bit ADHD,’ I was now in shock!

I know, it sounds daft. How can you spend decades thinking of yourself as something and then be so affected when it’s confirmed? I don’t know, but I was.

Quite out of the blue, I was gripped by an urge to do something about it. To understand it more; at least in as much as how it affected me personally. What was my particular manifestation of ADHD all about, if you like. Given my age, I was very aware of the need to avoid risk, stop being impulsive, ditch the over-working and generally slow down a bit - all things I’d summarily failed to do for years!

Now I realised that I am like I am because there’s something more going on than simple inherited traits or personality factors. I ‘had’ something that made me like this. There’s no doubt, it was a bit of a shock!

Grief

After getting to this point, something happened that threw me completely and almost toppled me (in the sense of being so unexpected I was temporarily paralysed by it). I started to grieve.

I didn’t think of it as grief at first. But it soon became apparent that I was experiencing deep sadness at things that had happened in my life and, importantly, things that hadn’t happened.

* I singularly failed at school, leaving with no qualifications

* As a result, I spent most of my adult life talking myself down as better at ‘doing’ than thinking

* I talked down my own work, including a book I wrote, because I felt it wasn’t very ‘academic’

* I offended people by not listening, cutting across them or blurting out inappropriate stuff

* I didn’t keep friends or really get close to anyone very much

* I regularly forget things, sometimes important things, causing offence and irritation to others

* The inability to focus on one thing because there were a gazillion others flashing through my mind

* The utter exasperation at having to go to bed and sleep because, despite knowing I was tired, I didn’t feel tired

* Completely losing it emotionally over the smallest things and feeling frightened, at times, with how angry I felt

* Being late for stuff or forgetting altogether, despite a preference for being early and trying (really trying) to plan well so I didn’t forget

* Losing track of conversations over and over again as my mind wandered off onto something else

* The over-riding feeling of my own existence was one of, ‘could do better’ (school again!)

These are just a few summary things to give you a flavour of the bigger thing that was going for me - I could have done sooo much better in my life than I did, if only…

Now, of course, I’m not writing off all my weaknesses and failings as purely about having ADHD. But, looking back, without it I might well have got to where I am now a decade or more earlier. There’s nothing quite like lost time to turbo charge feelings of regret.

The despondency lasted a few days while I ruminated and wrestled with it all. But once I realised what it was and what caused it, I could settle myself and start getting some perspective. I started to speak positively again about myself and about ADHD in an effort to balance my internal voice and avert a longer term foray into grief.

I love this quote from Gabor Mate’s book, ‘Scattered Minds’ (check it out here)

‘The shock of self-recognition many adults experience on learning about ADD is both exhilarating and painful. It gives coherence, for the first time, to humiliations and failures, to plans unfulfilled and promises unkept, to gusts of manic enthusiasm that consume themselves in their own mad dance, leaving emotional debris in their wake, to the seemingly limitless disorganisation of activities, of brain, car, desk, room.’

Now, I’ve come full circle. I was called ‘Tigger’ by friends in primary school and each stage of my life has its own version of this. Now, at 59, I’ve owned the fact that I have ADHD and always will have. It’s part of me and, despite the demands and disadvantages, there are advantages, too. But getting to this stage was tricky.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

My aim here is to help and encourage others on their own ADHD journey.

Your situation may be very different. The sub-type of ADHD you have - or suspect you have - may differ. But sometimes hearing about someone else’s struggles can lend strength to your own efforts to come to terms with and get through it.

Here are some things to think about:

* It can be a shock to realise you have, and/or be confirmed as having, ADHD

* This may floor you a bit to start with but is a natural and normal response to this kind of new information

* Grief about ‘what might have been’ is normal, too. But pitching your tent there is unhelpful - start reframing things quickly. For example,

* ‘I achieved xyz despite my ADHD’

* ‘My ADHD taught me to…’

* ‘To get by I developed xyz strategies to cope’

* ‘If I didn’t have ADHD I probably never would have…’

* ‘The positive side of ADHD for me is…’

* If you find yourself looking back too much, focusing on and celebrating how you adapted positively will help you keep things balanced

Having ADHD is tough. But it has advantages too. More on this later.

But I hope this little foray into my ADHD realisation has been useful and has encouraged you to hang in there and press on.

There’s lots more to come…

More information:

* BOOK: Scattered Minds - The Origins & Healing of ADHD by Gabor Maté - click here (affiliate link)

* BOOK: ADHD 2.0 by Ed Halliwell & John Ratey - click here (affiliate link)

* ADHD Test: Do I Have ADHD? - click here

* ADHD Test: For Women - click here

Want to get in touch?

* Drop me a line here.

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© Jonny Matthew 2024