I’m a mirror celibate self semen drinker

I relax into prophecy

I intend to watch my face thirst and watch my face as my body throbs to obvious truth... and to get into the mirror requires forgiveness and here I am free…I can give myself what I want and need. My desire met with my love

I submit myself to your understanding

Naked and afraid

She was comfortable in accepting my longing for her, as long as I did not beg; though there was one instance where she tolerated that. We existed in the understanding that she was guiding me on my path by holding this space for me. She understood the depth of the healing and necessity of this mudra between us perhaps better than anyone. It was a line she held gently, aware of how deep into my self-ecstasy I would go acknowledging her awareness of my situation and pressing against her boundary.

In our last session she spread her vulva for me for the first time, revealing her new shri yantra tattoo on her mons pubis. i was calm with part of my psyche and boiling for her at my core level. i did beg her to at least be able to smell her. honestly I can say I could not hold back pleading. I knew that cunnilingus was not going to happen but i hoped she might allow me to smell her. but it was too intimate and she understood that i needed our situation to be this way; that was maximum healing and fulfillment. she understood her role as giver of my cosmic death.

she demurred and declined, but for a brief moment she allowed me to sniff her fingers after she had been spreading her vulva lips open, knowing I was exceeding my privilege. She understood that when she left, I would strip, masturbate into the mirror where she had spread her yoni, soaked in her presence and now alone, and eat my semen off of it crying out my love for her and seeking self acceptance.

this is the expression of her face a moment before she allowed me to see her vulva.

ps does ging know about our masturbation escapades? i really want her to know i ate your cum off of a mirror already coated with my dry cum. and i love that ‘cept for karen i was being ignored. when i masturbate to that scene, i focus on the yearining for all of your undivided attention that i was being deined. nearth thank you for helping me become a mirror celibate self cum drinker. in a sense you know it’s true, my mirror celibacy began that night in hohohocus with you…opening the way for the women…

self portrait.

this is me, clining to karen barnes!!!! licking nearth’s cum off of my floor mirror in blue studio. hot and holding my own release, i crawled across the floor to lick up your cum i want you to know that

“I apologize. I hope I was not impolite. I did my best to keep my feelings to myself.”

“I don’t think it was appropriate, but I know you could not help yourself. You think it’s just you? Still, you should be more professional.”

I could not tell if she was teasing me. She was unbearably appealing. But I was not drooling over her. I was more swooning and playing with how her body refracted the light. Each model’s aura is different.

Plus, she had just spread her most exquisite vulva into a cum mirror, knowing the result would be an image of her pussy photographed through spattered, smeared and partly licked back semen.

Yet her breasts…the way that her aereola were punctuated with gorgeous little dots…the pattern…their particular constellation…the French curves of her…and if I looked at her nipples, I nearly fainted.

“Can I make up for it somehow?” I was hoping I could take her out to dinner. To assume that she would grant me some form of sex was nothing I meekly expected. I did enjoy her company and her slightly racist but wicked funny descriptions of the other Belgians, whom she called trolls — the Flemish.

“Lick my ashole.”

“What?” Pure shock and awe.

“I am in the mood, my boyfriend does not do that, and I know that you will.”

She was right.

“How do you want me?”

“You must strip. I will not touch you. Touch me only with your tongue.” This was happening very fast, though she didn’t seem to be hesitating.

She pressed her breasts into the sun drenched floor, raised her ass and spread her knees in a kind of wide-legged child pose.

“Undress and do it.”

My head spun in both directions. I dropped my clothes to the floor, and knelt down, my face to her ass, and in that very moment touched my tongue lightly to the center of her spiral and imparted my love and respect for an elongated moment. At the end of this little stretch of time, she exhaled, at which gesture I circled lightly around the outer rim of her anus, smelling her sweat and musk as I loved her so. And slowly, slowly, I worked my way in.

For the next…I don’t know how long…I had the exquisite privilege of pleasuring the lady on whom it seemed everyone wanted to perform cunnilingus.

Amidst this carnival, when she was ready, she clutched her clit and slipped a finger into her vagina and masturbated herself in what seemed a very satisfying way. As she did I took the opportunity to take a little slurp from the back of her vagina. I had to.

Though I understood the true impetus to her surrender was my tongue rimming her asshole in hot little circles, then I took the plunge, to my utter delight — as she moaned gutterly in each breath with a kind of dark resonance. The perfect mutual gift…as her masturbation took hold…and I felt her hot perfect anus pulse around my tongue as she utterly grunted out her sweet pleasure. My hands clasped her waist, holding her instinctually.

We gently unweaved from one another.

She looked into my eyes with a softness I had never seen from her. “Thank you for doing that. I hoped you would. I needed it so bad.”

I wondered what would happen next. I knew something would.

She picked up my cum spattered mirror from the kitchen table.

“Do it,” she said with a little whip to her voice, as she held the thing.

I leaned in and licked my dry cum from her hands, remembering the reflection of her blossomed vulva…knowing, in that moment, I would soon get to show her my face. My orgasm expressions, and my mouth wet. It was true.

“You must strip. I will not touch you. Touch me only with your tongue.” This was happening very fast, though she didn’t seem to be hesitating.

She pressed her breasts into the sun drenched floor, raised her ass and spread her knees in a kind of wide-legged child pose.

“Undress and do it.”

My head spun in both directions.

Thirsting for my semen came to me in teenage dreams. Ejaculating and orgasm were a new delight, and I was cuious and unashamed. This was in the era when I often masturbated by fucking my vaseline-lubed fist onto a pillow, and freely put my greasy and cum soaked bedding into the laundry where my mom was sure to see it. It never occurred to me to be ashamed.

Wearing a tan, sikly night gown, she once entered my room as I was humping my pillow, sat down on the bed and placed her hand on my back whilst my heart raced. I took her message as one of approval and understanding. I dropped dozens of my spermy pillow cases into the hamper, and they were returned washed and wholly stained. Realistically there is no way she did not smell and taste her young son’s fresh seed from is first ejaculations. Even if just a little, she’s smelled and tasted my semen.

I’m not sure when I expeienced the first of these dreams, it was right around then though a world apart, a slight dimension off to the side of my waking awarene….perhaps the nerve center at the core of my psyche.

In my dream, I was doubled over to myself, looking at the tip of my stiff penis. I wanted to suck but I knew it was impossible. A voice in my mind — known to me as the voice who knows — said don’t worry, just do it, and with that, my penis slipped into my mouth. I understood what this was to be about…happening so vividly as I prepared to swallow my semen in the depths of the most gorgeous throat throbbing orgasm every time, swallowing easily and with such bliss. Well into my teenage years…

On the ordinary masturbation side of this, I expeienced what I understand lurks deep in the core of many of my brothers. The idea of swallowing myself would occur to me, gently taking hold of my total pleasure and surrender. I would produce semen, my whole body pulsing, to the thought of swallowing myself. And then once I had it, I would be distusted with myself. I call this experience ‘the spllit’, whereas on one side I have desire and no semen and on the others, semen and no desire.

It did not occur to me to suck on other boys. My tropism was for the mysterious beauties known as girls, adoring their maturation into women. I knew my destiny was cunnilingus. The dreams faded, cunnilingus came to me, and my incomplete self thirst went unfilled. I finally succumbed to myself with the help of Sabine. We were deliciously high on acid late one night, living in a San Francisco attic — at the home of the daughter of a professor back in New Paltz.

She assisted me as I leaned my legs up against the angled roof of the attic, and finally swallowed my semen…with the guidance of a woman I love dearly. This became a learning model. Many women have held the space of a Sabine for me, accompanying me from one side of my surrender to the other.

All of you standing in for my mom…

Self cum licking was my erotic orientation, entering all of my relationships whether with women or with men. Even as I yearned for endless cunnilingus, gradually the idea of celibacy slipped in, yet my need for cunnilingus was so deep I could not imagine surrendering it. At the same time I was surprised by the elegant eroticism of daring myself, the notion of surrendering sex with others sensing within me as some secret sheer delight. Mostly I was curious if other men drank their semen, or thirsted for themselves.

I had a google web alert set long ago for ‘drink my own semen’ and ‘self cum drinking’ etc. And there was like the rare, occasional mention, usually obscure. I finally stopped watching. In that time i created book of blue which is at its bare essence driven by my self cum thirst…and many of the bOb women became companions to my exploration, Thresholders and Sabines holding my mirror whilst I let go and showing me my face in my fresh cum and old crust.

One of the most beautiful rituals is licking my dry cum with human presence. I want to understand what it is I offer back to women by doing this for myself.

Then one day just like that CEI porn was everywhere. And this amazing trance dance groove, “eat it,” I’ve lost track of the artist. She’s one of the deans of CEI…

That stands for ‘cum eating instructions’ where a woman, usually a little (or a lot bitchy), encorages the man to masturbate and drink his own semen. Suddenly this was a thing, running into the hundreds of thousands of views on all of the porn sites. From what I have recently discovered, most of the men who are into this masturbate to the idea as guided by Mistress Bitch…only to spurt all over the floor and not fill their thirst. Over and over…the ultimate thirst trap…

We could talk about maybe how it would feel gay, it’s a kind of autophobia…and what I understand myself to be doing is opening the way. This has happened because the women who helped me drink my cum can do this for other men. They will not have to look far for one who deeply needs this assistance. Said another way, my inviting and allowing women to particpate in my self-thirst and self-fulfillment, they get the experience sufficient to facilitate for men.

Regarding mirror celibacy, which kind of seduced me, an equivalent of that emerged, which was male chastity play becomeing primo porn. As part of male sub femdom play, all dommes will expect their subject to eat his own cum. One former dominatrix told me she had an unwashed dog dish from which hundreds of men licked their own cum, and any left behind residue.

Also regarding mirror celibacy, at one point I decided that my term would end once I had licked all of my mirrors clean. I could not keep up with myself. And then once, looking at the spattered streaks and crust, I asked myself — so what were all those orgasms about…? And then I remembered. Every time I thirsted and spirted and licked or partly licked or left myself there…the orgasm was to mirror celibacy. Sometimes interlaced with my mad thirst for cunnilingus. And as everyone knows I infused my selfcum thirst with my need. My cum mirror is cunt. I’m a mirror celibate self semen drinker. If I can do this, I can live my life.

If it’s not wholly obvious, I am available to help men drink your own semen, or doing it together. We can do this with or without your girlfriend/boyfriend there. I’m pretty sure I can get you to fulfill your self thirst with passion, and feel good that you did. No shame! But embarrassment is essential.

Embarrassment is the moment you can really hang out. So I will say this directly: it’s beautiful that you want to drink your own semen. Offer doing so as a gesture of healing for the woman or women in your ilfe who hold space for you. Let her help you get from your moment of honest thirsty passion into your slow and soft self delecting. It’s essential that your face is seen when you’re doing this. Let people see your face when your mouth is full of your cum. Love her and love yourself right then.

That! Yes…

I am a mirror celibate self cum licker.