(It starts at 1:35.)

Q1: Is it ADHD? Is it perimenopause?

Q2: Why is my medication working differently?

Q3: Why did my systems stop working — the ones that held for years?

Want to go deeper on any of this?

* ADHD and perimenopause — the full breakdown

* Why ADHD feels harder in perimenopause — podcast episode

* Download the PRIMED Framework Guide

It might be strange that I’m migrating my podcast to Substack beginning with the season 2 finale, but I’m doing a lot of things differently this month.

What Season 2 was actually doing

Four layers: brain and body, relationships and identity, power, and what becomes possible when you stop carrying it the old way. The arc was deliberate — because that’s the order it actually needs to happen in.

What I noticed while making it

The work episodes reached further than expected — including people who don’t identify as having ADHD but recognized something in the dynamic. The hormonal episodes were personal to record. The late-diagnosis episode and the turning-50 episode became bookends I didn’t plan: one names what you’ve been carrying, the other asks what becomes possible when you stop.

The cost

Working hard without the right support isn’t abstract. It shows up in your health, your relationships, your capacity, your sense of self. The women I work with aren’t struggling because they’re not trying hard enough. They’re trying hard in the wrong direction, without structural support their brains actually need — often for decades. The PRIMED framework exists because of this. Not as a productivity system. As a foundation.

What’s next

Season 3 returns September 2026 or sooner.

Links

* PRIMED Framework guide: https://www.andreatoolecoach.com/s/primed-framework-2025.pdf

* Coaching: andreatoolecoach.com

* Substack: andreatoole.substack.com

In this episode of PRIMED for ADHD, I reflect on what it means to live with ADHD in midlife, after decades of trying to make systems work, holding things together, and quietly adjusting behind the scenes.

This isn’t about reinvention. It’s about recognition.

ADHD doesn’t stay the same over a lifetime. It shifts, sometimes subtly, sometimes abruptly, especially as hormones, identity, and expectations change. What worked in your 20s or 30s may not hold the same way now, and pushing harder often makes things worse, not better.

I talk about how my own experience of ADHD has evolved, why inconsistency is part of the pattern, and what it means to stop measuring yourself against a version of you that no longer exists.

If you’ve found yourself thinking, “This shouldn’t feel this hard anymore,” this episode will help you understand why it does, and what to do with that awareness.

In this episode, I cover:

•  Why ADHD is not static, and how it changes across your life 
•  The concept of “flare-ups” and why consistency can be misleading 
•  How midlife, including hormonal shifts, changes how ADHD shows up 
•  The gap between how ADHD is described online and lived experience 
•  Identity shifts that come with age, awareness, and diagnosis 
•  Why pushing through stops working, even if it used to 
•  What it looks like to respond differently, without overcorrecting 

In this episode, I referenced episode 3, Why ADHD feels harder in perimenopause, and thought it was later in the season.

If this episode resonates, share it with someone who’s navigating ADHD in midlife and trying to make sense of why things feel different now.

You can learn more about working with me or reach out with questions and comments at:
www.andreatoolecoach.com 

You'll find links to my social media there.

In this episode of PRIMED for ADHD, I explore how professional hierarchy influences the way ADHD traits are interpreted at work.

I look at ADHD from both sides of authority: what happens when you report to power, and what happens when you hold it.

You can learn more about my work at
www.andreatoolecoach.com

In this episode

• Why hierarchy amplifies ADHD stress responses
• The effort-perception gap many professionals experience at work
• How rejection sensitivity shows up in workplace feedback
• Why masking can sustain careers for years before burnout appears
• The leadership blind spots ADHD managers sometimes face
• Why accountability strengthens authority
• How psychological safety improves performance for entire teams

Beyond Corporate Burnout Summit

If you're listening before March 17, join me at the Beyond Corporate Burnout Summit for high-achieving women leaders who are still performing at a high level.

https://www.goalsuccesscoach.co/pages/beyondcorporateburnoutsummit-register?ref=lmxskgdr   

Follow the show

If this episode was helpful, follow the podcast, rate it and review it.

If someone in your life is quietly carrying the pressure of workplace expectations, share this episode with them.

Stop Making It Harder Sessions

I’m opening five Stop Making It Harder sessions.

In one 60-minute session, you identify the one place you’re making this harder than it needs to be and define one shift that makes the rest easier.

If you’re interested, email hello@andreatoolecoach.com with the subject line “Stop making it harder.” I’ll send you two short questions and the booking link.

In this episode, I explore how adult ADHD changes the meaning of long-standing relationship patterns, especially when it’s identified or diagnosed in midlife.

What can appear as carelessness, selfishness, emotional distance, or lack of effort often has very different neurological roots. When ADHD patterns are understood, conversations and expectations shift.

I look at how ADHD shows up in:

• Romantic partnerships and long-term marriage
• Friendship inconsistency and reliability
• Family dynamics shaped by decades of misunderstanding

I discuss intimacy, resentment, executive functioning, divorce statistics, infidelity risk, masking, shame spirals, and what changes once ADHD is understood. I also share practical ways to support a partner, family member, or friend with ADHD, and why working with a marriage counsellor who understands ADHD can make a significant difference.

Understanding ADHD doesn’t automatically fix a relationship. But it can change perspective, and that changes what happens next.

Stop Making It Harder Sessions

I’m opening five Stop Making It Harder sessions.

In one 60-minute session, you identify the one place you’re making this harder than it needs to be and define one shift that makes the rest easier.

If you’re interested, email hello@andreatoolecoach.com with the subject line “Stop making it harder.” I’ll send you two short questions and the booking link.

Related Articles

How ADHD Impacts Sex and Marriage, ADDitude Magazine – https://www.additudemag.com/adhd-marriage-statistics-personal-stories/
Garcia, J. R., MacKillop, J., Aller, E. L., Merriwether, A. M., Wilson, D. S., & Lum, J. K. (2010). Associations between Dopamine D4 Receptor Gene Variation with Both Infidelity and Sexual Promiscuity. PLOS ONE, 5(11), e14162. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0014162 

Related posts on my website

A Guide to Understanding Your Friends with ADHD –  https://www.andreatoolecoach.com/blog/adhd-friend-guide 

Supporting Your Partner: A Guide to Navigating ADHD in Relationships  – https://www.andreatoolecoach.com/blog/adhd-guide-for-romantic-partners – 

Navigating ADHD in Romantic Relationships: Insights and Strategies – https://www.andreatoolecoach.com/blog/adhd-and-romantic-relationships-part-2 

ADHD and Physical Intimacy: A Guide to Navigating Sex and Relationships –https://www.andreatoolecoach.com/blog/adhd-guide-to-sex-and-intimacy

If this episode was helpful, follow the podcast and consider leaving a rating or review.

This episode is about treating disclosure as a strategic decision, not a confession.

Whether your ADHD is formally diagnosed or self-identified, the questions tend to be the same:

• Who do you tell?
• What do you share?
• When does it make sense?
• Why disclose at all?
• And how do you say it in a way you don’t regret later?

In this episode, I walk through:

• Why disclosure is not a one-size-fits-all decision
• How power dynamics affect when and where it’s safe or useful to share
• The six questions that clarify disclosure decisions: who, what, when, where, why, and how
• example scripts for work, family, and friends
• Why don’t have to decide once and for all

This conversation is designed to help you feel more confident in trusting your own judgment, rather than reacting under pressure or defaulting to oversharing or silence.

Companion checklist:
I’ve created a disclosure decision checklist to help you think through these questions privately and deliberately. The checklist is linked below and also available on the blog.

Download the companion checklist:

https://www.andreatoolecoach.com/s/ADHD-disclosure-decision-checklist.pdf

Blog post:

When, why, and how to talk about your ADHD https://www.andreatoolecoach.com/blog/when-why-and-how-to-talk-about-your-adhd

In the next episode, we’ll take this further and look at disclosure in specific professional and relational contexts, where timing, language, and power dynamics play an even bigger role.

Contact for questions or comments:
https://www.andreatoolecoach.com/contact

I originally planned to release a full episode, but I didn’t have the bandwidth, so I chose to respect my energy.

This episode connects directly to how I think about ADHD management in midlife, and to one of the most overlooked realities for high-functioning women with ADHD: hormones change the rules, sometimes abruptly.

In this episode, I talk about:

• ADHD and hormonal shifts in midlife
• Why irritability, reactivity, and sensory overload can spike unexpectedly
• How perimenopause and PMS affect energy and emotional regulation
• What it looks like to pause without spiralling into guilt or self-judgment

This isn’t about doing less forever. It’s about recognizing when pushing through will cost more than it gives back.

If this resonates, you may want to revisit the earlier episode “Why ADHD feels harder in perimenopause,” where I explain what’s happening neurologically and hormonally during this stage of life, and why strategies that once worked can suddenly stop working.

Behind the scenes, I’m planning February content and updating my offers. The podcast continues as planned.

Next episode, we’ll return to the original episode 6 topic: how to talk about your ADHD diagnosis with friends, family, and co-workers, including when disclosure is useful, when it isn’t, and how to think about it strategically.

Thanks for listening.

In this episode of PRIMED for ADHD, I talk about what actually changes after a late ADHD diagnosis in midlife, not just clinically, but internally. I explore why awareness often increases friction before it brings relief, how past experiences start to reorganize once you have language for them, and why insight alone doesn’t always translate into real-life change.

We look at the emotional layers that often accompany late diagnosis, including relief, grief, anger, and recalibration, and why none of those reactions follow a neat timeline. I also explain why many high-functioning women feel stuck after diagnosis, even when they finally understand themselves, and how support, coaching, and therapy play different roles at this stage.

This episode is for you if:

• You were diagnosed with ADHD later in life, or are questioning a possible diagnosis
• You feel relieved by the insight, but unsure what to do next
• What worked for years no longer works the same way
• You want to move forward with your ADHD in mind, not against it

I also share reflective questions you can sit with as you begin integrating your diagnosis, without pressure to fix, explain, or overhaul your life all at once.

If you’re navigating ADHD in midlife and wondering why things feel different now that you know, this episode will help you make sense of that shift.

You can learn more about my ADHD coaching work, including private coaching and my group coaching space for professional women in midlife, at andreatoolecoach.com.

If this episode was helpful, follow or subscribe so you don’t miss what’s next. Sharing it with someone who’s been asking the same questions helps more than you think.

Contact for questions or comments:
https://www.andreatoolecoach.com/contact

**

Blog post:  Generational ADHD: How family patterns shape our lives and what to do about it - https://www.andreatoolecoach.com/blog/generational-adhd

In this episode of PRIMED for ADHD, I slow the conversation down and explain, in practical terms, what therapy does well, what ADHD coaching actually looks like, where the two overlap, and how to think about what kind of support makes sense for you right now.

If you’ve ever wondered whether therapy is enough, whether coaching is legitimate, or whether you should be doing both, this episode is for you.

I talk about why coaching and therapy are often confused, how each supports the ADHD brain differently, and why insight alone doesn’t always translate into day-to-day change. I also share how coaching and therapy can work together, especially in midlife, when old coping strategies stop working and life transitions create new challenges.

This episode isn’t about choosing sides. It’s about clarity, realistic expectations, and understanding what kind of support will actually help you move forward.

In this episode, I cover:

• Why coaching and therapy are often confused, especially for adults with ADHD
• What therapy does best and when it’s the right place to start
• How ADHD coaching works and what it focuses on in real life
• The role of insight vs. application when managing ADHD
• When coaching and therapy together can be most effective
• How midlife transitions can change the kind of support you need

If you’re listening and thinking, "I understand myself better, but I’m still struggling to function the way I want to," coaching may be the missing piece.

You can learn more about my ADHD coaching work, including private coaching and my group coaching space for professional women in midlife, at andreatoolecoach.com.

If this episode was helpful, follow or subscribe so you don’t miss what’s next. Sharing it with someone who’s been asking the same questions helps more than you think.

Contact for questions or comments:
https://www.andreatoolecoach.com/contact

In this episode of PRIMED for ADHD, I explore what happens when ADHD intersects with perimenopause and why long-standing strategies stop working. You’ll hear how hormonal and brain chemistry shifts affect focus, motivation, memory, and emotional regulation for women with ADHD in midlife.

I unpack what’s happening beneath the surface, why common advice often misses the mark, and how to let go of the belief that these changes are a personal failing. This is especially relevant for high-functioning women who have spent years compensating and holding everything together, only to find the same workload now feels much heavier and that life feels harder overall.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• How perimenopause affects women with ADHD—beyond basic hormone explanations
• Why estrogen fluctuations matter for focus, motivation, memory, and emotional regulation
• How identity, competence, and self-trust are affected
• Why this stage is a transition, not a regression
• What support works better now than the strategies you’ve relied on for decades
• Key questions to ask yourself now to find relief
• Too much about my skin

This episode offers clarity and context for women with ADHD in midlife and perimenopause, so you can recognize what’s changing and respond with steadiness instead of self-criticism. 

If you have any questions about what I discussed, there's a resource below and you can reach out with questions.

Coming up next:

The next episode will discuss coaching versus therapy and how each can support you in different ways

Resources:

Read Navigating ADHD during perimenopause: https://www.andreatoolecoach.com/blog/navigating-adhd-during-perimenopause

Read When the house gets quiet: ADHD, midlife, and sending kids off to college:
https://www.andreatoolecoach.com/blog/adhd-in-the-empty-nest 

Learn about my coaching framework:
https://www.andreatoolecoach.com/the-primed-difference

1:1 Support: https://www.andreatoolecoach.com/services

If you want to practice this kind of support in real time, that’s what WILD Minds is for. Be a part of a community of professional women managing ADHD in midlife.: https://www.andreatoolecoach.com/wildminds

Episode transcript:
https://www.andreatoolecoach.com/s/PRIMED-season-2-episode-3-Transcript-ADHD-and-Perimenopause-b832.pdf

Contact for questions or comments:
https://www.andreatoolecoach.com/contact

**

Did you enjoy the podcast? 

• Subscribe on Apple and leave a review on Apple Podcasts. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/primed-for-adhd-podcast-with-andrea-toole/id1581663470
• Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/4622OZsOjng75IBYV658GV
• YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLgLlYfAhmxuaiiFSrlpQpQUZeWq-crvg1

Do you have anxiety with your ADHD? Do you engage in high-risk activities or enjoy frightening things? As someone diagnosed with both ADHD and generalized anxiety, one with an aversion to risk, an empath, I don't understand. I understand the neurochemical process involved, but I also don't understand it from a practical perspective.

In this episode, I discuss ADHD in the context of anxiety and high-risk activities and the enjoyment of being spooked.

• Book referenced: Faster Than Normal: Turbocharge Your Focus, Productivity, and Success with the Secrets of the ADHD Brain by Peter Shankman.

Other recommendations (...brought to you by...)

• The Morning Brew newsletter- The daily Morning Brew email newsletter covers the latest news from Wall St. to Silicon Valley. Informative, witty, brief, and everything you need to start your day. 
  Its umbrella of newsletters includes Emerging Tech Brew, Retail Brew and Sidekick, among others. I read them almost daily, which is saying a lot.

www.andreatoolecoach.com (2024 onward)

This episode of the Primed for ADHD podcast is unscripted.  I called it "shooting the sh*t" but now wish I'd referred to it as a "fireside chat".  I wrote down a few bullet points and that was it. I recorded this on October 14, then edited it a week later.

This episode isn't linear. It rambles here and there. Thoughts are shared. One of those thoughts is that it's a good thing that this is a freeform episode because I can go back to a topic that I'd already discussed because I have another point to make.

The snort you might hear at 15:41 isn't me, it's my dog who was lying next to me. 

Topics included:

• Is it ADHD or just your nature?
• "It's not rocket science".
• Go easy on yourself when you're learning something new.
• ADHD and suicide

I recorded this to both promote the Digital Detox that I'm hosting from September 20-26 and to point out that we could all use a break from the online noise. The world is full of sadness and horror right now.

Please-

1. Join me for a Digital Detox from September 20-26.
2. Visit the podcast page on my website to see some of the companies I promote. You'll get discounts when you order from some of them, and any commissions I make can go toward podcast hosting and editing. This episode could have used a sound editor because the first file I recorded was loud. My editing skillset is currently limited to combining files into one, deleting chunks of audio and replacing audio.

Thank you, and be well!

The title says it all.

1. Book mentioned: The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz.

2. Youtube clips,  because I neither do a good Frank Costanza nor George Costanza.

3.  In the moment, I slightly misquoted Princess Bride even though I've seen it many times.

Help support my podcasting and purchase something from one of these links:

• iHerb – I get a lot of my supplements from iHerb. With this link, enjoy a $5 discount on your first order or 5% off if you’ve bought from them before.
• Living Libations - Living Libations uses botanically-powered ingredients to formulate aromatic and nourishing personal care products that are as effective as they are harmonizing for mind, body, and soul. I've been using their products in my mouth and on my face for years.
• Four Sigmatic – I’m a big fan of their mushroom coffee products. They help me focus without caffeine-induced anxiety.
• Todoist – Todoist is how I keep track of my tasks and track my “back burner” projects and ideas. I appreciate that it integrates with Google Calendar, so I see tasks on the calendar on their due date.

Notes: 

• Theme music by Kevin MacLeod. I said the composer's name in the episode, but the "Mac" was barely audible. The full version of this piece of music.
• Over halfway through the episode, I mentioned  "getting in my own way" and the  "in" got lost. I clarify this here because "Getting my own way" is something else entirely.

I know I shouldn't say this, but I think I sound horrible on this one but with lots of important things to say. I'm still finding my podcasting comfort and my voice and this was a long one. I'll update these notes with a transcript.

I might allow myself to skip next week because I'm in the process of moving.

Keep listening and participate in my podcasting journey. I can use cheerleaders on the sidelines while I find my footing.  I promise you'll learn something useful.

I've got you. 

Just show up. That's one of the themes of this episode.

Welcome to episode 2. I recorded this one last November, 8 months before posting. I'd just come off a few days of feeling unmotivated and being hard on myself for it. I just couldn't get stuff done! I knew this was relatable and so I decided to record some thoughts for the podcast that I knew I'd eventually launch. 

I hope this episode helps you and reminds you that you're not alone. Grab a notebook, your beverage of choice and snuggle in!

Calls to action:

• Just show up.
• Ask yourself: How can I show up today?  What's one creative thing you could do today? Is there anything that can fall out of my brain right now?  
• Journal
• Make a list of things that inspire you
• Read other people's work.

Excuse the poor sound quality. I hadn't yet figured out the mic situation. I think the "clapping" sound is the click of my mouse.

I've got you.

Mentioned in this episode:

• Todoist

Welcome to my first episode! Podcasting is way out of my comfort zone. I had this on my task list for months before I got up the nerve. I initially intended to learn to edit myself, but decided to pay someone to do it because doing so would remove an excuse/barrier/reason for procrastination.