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Episodes and Articles Mentioned in the Podcast

My publication: https://barbaragraver.substack.com

Autism / ADHD overlap: https://barbaragraver.substack.com/p/autism-adhd-and-faith

Jung and the Age of Aquarius: https://barbaragraver.substack.com/p/carl-jung-and-the-age-of-aquarius

Dreams, Tarot and the Age of Aquarius https://barbaragraver.substack.com/p/dreams-tarot-and-the-age-of-aquarius

I’ll be exploring what it means to live a symbolic life more in future posts, so if you have an interest please check back.

Here are links to the dream I shared, the Jungian Dream School I attend and my publication:

* https://barbaragraver.substack.com/p/how-one-dream-explained-another

* https://thisjungianlife.com/join-dream-school/

* https://barbaragraver.substack.com/

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In this episode of the podcast I talk about how autism and ADHD overlap and sometimes complicate each other. I focus mostly on what is problematic for me—having my special interests derailed—and realize that other autistic people with ADHD might face completely different issues. If so (or if not) I’d love to hear about how this works in your life.

I decided to talk about faith because I am going to see how that might help me. By help I mean, either help me become just a little less obsessive (and a bit more effective) or maybe just help me come to terms with my super annoying AuDHD nature. Or both.

Links for Further Reading

Some of links promised in the podcast are:

* https://barbaragraver.substack.com/

* https://barbaragraver.substack.com/p/charting-my-autistic-traits

* https://barbaragraver.substack.com/p/getting-diagnosed-with-adhd

* https://barbaragraver.substack.com/p/autism-and-the-narrative-process

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Apologies for the audio on this episode! Other episodes are okay. I’m not sure what happened with this one.

The first podcast on the topic can be found at Writing About Difficult Experiences in My Autism Memoir

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Thanks for reading Writing on the Spectrum! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work.

My apologies for the audio quality. I don’t know what I did wrong but most episodes come out okay 🙁 I promise!

Autistic POV theme music by the Caffeine Creek Bank.

This episode of the podcast talks about all of these questions but mostly focuses on my experience with difficult material. So I wanted to answer the first couple of questions, below, in text format.

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Memoir vs. Autobiography

An autobiography and a memoir are not the same thing.

An autobiography focuses on a person’s entire life. Memoir covers a slice of life in a topical way. While that slice can span decades, it should reflect the memoir’s overarching topic or theme. What doesn’t reflect the theme is extraneous.

For me, this was the first sticking point (more about that in the podcast), because even though I was writing an autism memoir, I found it impossible to talk about autism in isolation.

Knowing what did and didn’t relate to the autism theme was tricky. In some instances (like trauma) the relationship was clear, in others (like supernatural experience) it was not.

I had trouble figuring out what was relevant and what wasn’t, so I just decided to write the thing.

Then I got stuck again.

Sharing Our Experience

According to NYT’s journalist and memoirist, Marion Roach, there’s a reason why we share our personal experience in memoir. And that reason isn’t catharsis or getting even with people or even making sense of things.

It’s illustrating a point.

In memoir our life experience, per Roach, is an anecdote that helps explain the theme. While I’m not sure I agree with that completely, there is no doubt that Roach knows how to make her life experience work that way.

Roach’s book The Memoir Project contains some lovely examples of transcendence in writing. There is reason she is successful.

It’s worth stressing, however, that Roach isn’t an amateur and while writing examples of the type that she shares in The Memoir Project that can illustrate a point than also make us feel a little outclassed.

My writing is sloppy, compared to someone who writes for the NYT, but I do find meaning through doing it. I feel that has worth, even when—or probably especially when—it’s difficult.

Whether or not, I can produce a readable memoir remains to be seen.

For more on this topic, please check out the podcast! It is a separate thing, not a rehash of what you just read :)

Listen to my Sharing Our Story podcast here: https://barbaragraver.substack.com/p/sharing-our-autism-story-ep-6-7fb

It’s bad (paranormal investigation) form to say what I think it is before other people listen so I’ll share my thoughts below the image which will give you a chance to listen first.

The EVP follows the human conversation (near the end of the recording). What’s unusual about this EVP is that it seems to be responding to what I’m saying. It also has a quality I've noticed in other (apparent) spirit communications of slightly overlapping human speech.

The image used is of the actual cemetery we visited. The old meeting house still stands.

My Interpretation

I thought this EVP was answering my comment about the recorder being on by saying the word good in a slightly German or Swedish accent.

Original Video and Write Up 

This EVP (electronic voice phenomena) recording was obtained by me and a friend in the summer of 2005. You can read about this EVP and other aspects of the paranormal in my blog The Mystic Review (mysticreview.com). The EVP is only 1 word but it is very clear and has not been enhanced in anyway. This is an audio post only.

This video first appeared on my YouTube channel at youtube.com/@MysticReview!

Thanks for reading Writing After Dark! Subscribe for free to get new posts & media.

I will still be sharing my fiction and nonfiction writing, including book excerpts, creative writing and metaphysical posts.

I was told that I have ADHD with high impulsivity which explains a lot. To me, this was interesting because I felt that autism didn’t really explain everything I’ve been dealing with, particularly in regard to my creative projects. More on this in the video!

NOTE: I decided to stick with the name Autistic POV for the podcast because I like it. But you can find all episodes on my newly renamed blog: Writing on the Spectrum at barbaragraver.substack.com

Thanks for reading Writing on the Spectrum! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work.

I don’t know a lot as of yet (aside from my own lived experience as a person who definitely is monotropic) but I am intrigued and want to learn more.

If you like my content, please follow the podcast @ barbaragraver.substack.com or writingonthespectrum.com

Thanks for reading Writing on the Spectrum! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work.

For more on monotropism, please visit monotropism.org!

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Check out the entire Writing On The Spectrum blog here: BarbaraGraver.substack.com

If you like my content, please follow the podcast!

Full transcript below. If you need closed captioning (or the transcript is cut off), please listen to the episode on the blog!

Episode 13 Transcript   Welcome to Autistic POV. My name is Barbara Graver and I started this podcast to share a bit of my journey as a late diagnosed autistic. Hi everybody, this is Barbara Graver. Thank you for joining me today on Autistic POV. Today I wanted to talk a little bit about autistic characteristics and I'm going to 0:32 be doing this through the lens of the characteristics I've identified in myself. I just try to steer away from speaking for other people because there's such a a wide range of experience and abilities in autism that I feel whenever I try to speak for anyone else, I always feel like I'm getting it wrong. 0:57 So this is purely from my perspective. The disclaimer is these traits are not necessarily going to present the way they aren't going to present the same way across the spectrum as they present in me because we're all different. So I talked a little bit during my autism and psychic ability series, 1:19 I talked a little bit about the idea of a linear spectrum, a spectrum from high to low, as is suggested by the DSM-5. And I talked about why I have problems with that. I think ranking across the board is problematic, although I do think autism is a constellation of traits. 1:39 And I do think it could be useful to do specific individual ranking in terms of trait by trait. I think that's helpful. It gives you a better picture of yourself and what your abilities and what your challenges might be. Ranking people as a whole, to me, I feel that's a little problematic for various reasons, 2:01 such as the many different comorbidities, apraxia, for example, anxiety. all kinds of comorbidities come into play, as well as inherent differences like talents and abilities and intellect. It's just there's so much at play that I think ranking from low to high is problematic. And it's also, 2:26 it causes people to fall into a way of thinking that I don't feel is very helpful. I don't think it's helpful to to think of people as more or less autistic or more or less challenged or more or less worthwhile. I don't think that's a good way to think. 2:44 And I think when you're ranking individuals from low to high, you're always going to kind of suggest that or lead people into that kind of thinking, which I don't like. So I did discuss this before, but I just wanted to put it out there kind of as a disclaimer. 2:59 So what I did, and I have a blog post on this that I'll link to. What I did for myself was I looked at the DSM-5. I don't like the DSM-5. I don't like that it calls autism a disorder. I don't like that it ranks people. 3:14 But I do think it does a fair job of describing observable traits in autistics. I don't find it totally useless, even though I have issues with it. So what I kind of did is I took the traits that were listed in the DSM-5 and sort of adapted them to better reflect me. 3:35 And I used those traits to come up with categories for myself. And I made various charts and put them in my blog, which people seem to like. I'll link to that. And the chart showed my different characteristics. And this is not an idea that's specific to me. 3:57 You could see a lot of people will be looking at autism in this way. It's a spectrum, but it's not a linear spectrum. It's more of like a radial spectrum, which I think is interesting. You know, it's kind of interesting in terms of dimensionality. 4:11 We think of a spectrum as high to low, and technically that's what it is. But that's a linear 2D kind of dimensionality, where if you want to think of it more 3D, kind of as a radial sort of thing, you could do that too. So what I did is I came up with 10 categories. 4:31 One of my things had 10 categories. One had 12 because it just worked better for the type of charts I used. But the categories I used were hypersensitivity, hyposensitivity, hyper fixations, special interests, nonverbal communication. I don't like that word nonverbal, but I didn't know what else to use. 4:54 Some people will call it social cues, but I find that confusing too. But that's basically your ability. It should probably be called non-speaking communication, your ability to communicate and to read cues without speaking. Conversation. I use conversation. So instead of Expressive communication. I just kind of lumped conversation together. Relationships, transitions, echolalia, repetitive motor, and pattern recognition. 5:28 And then I rated myself. in each of these categories. And I think this is a useful exercise for everyone to do, and everyone's going to differ. But I think it's interesting to find that you will have some kind of, if you do this, you will have some kind of a relationship to each of these categories. 5:47 Even if you get a one, you'll have a kind of relationship to them, or that's what I found. So for me, fixations, hyper fixations, I gave that a 10. I'm not sure that might have been a little excessive, but that is huge for me. My special interests dominate my life. They dominate my thought processes. 6:10 They dominate the way I spend my time. They completely dominate my life. And I have tried to dial back I've tried to stop and I just can't function that way. This is how I relate to the world. And it kind of reminded me of there's episode in elementary where Sherlock says to Watson, 6:35 and I can't find the episodes. If anyone knows that, please tell me. But where he says to Watson, but we are what we do. And she says, no, you are. I'm not. And it's interesting, one thing I liked about that show is everything he does in that show, and I mentioned this before, 6:52 everything he does in that show, like all his friends, he interacts with them through his hyperfixation in solving crimes. And that's really the only way he could interact with people. And that's how I am. That's how my relationships are. My relationships with people are organized around an interest. 7:11 And when that interest shifts, I can no longer really relate to that person. And I don't really have any face-to-face relationships at all, aside from my adult kids. But if that orientation shifts, I can't continue with the relationship usually. I just can't find the common ground in order to do it. But there is a 7:34 in my opinion, a good side to all these things. I don't really consider them deficits. My therapist said that to me. I was talking about communication and a problem I was having. And she said, is this making you more aware of your deficits? And I said, I don't really see them as deficits. I see them as differences. 7:53 I communicate differently. It's not wrong. It's not bad. Here I am on the podcast blabbing away because it's one-sided. It's not that I can't communicate. It's that communicate differently. So anyhow, hyper fixations, mine are books, media, mythology, ancient history, religion, the occult, like anything kind of under that umbrella, that mystical umbrella and writing and books. 8:19 So those are, are my hyper fixations. And that is what I spend my time doing. And I can't change that. Even if I want to, I can't. And there have been times in my life I really, really did, but I still couldn't. Another category I identified was hypersensitivity. For me, when I was little, 8:38 this had to do with feeling like wool burned and feeling like polyester cut. Like if you've read that poem by Emily Dickinson, A Panther in the Glove, that's what that's about. And it's A difficult thing because kids that experience these kind of hypersensitivities, they're subject to a lot of gaslighting because people will tell them, you're being dramatic, 8:59 you're making this up, you're being a prima donna, you know, all these things. And no, they're not, they're really perceiving it that way. And that kind of gaslighting is very detrimental for children, because it teaches them to dismiss their own perceptions and their own, their own impressions of reality, their own feelings. 9:21 And that's a very dangerous for a child, for and for teenager, it sets them up to all kinds of things, including exploitation. It's a dangerous thing. And it's something that people should be aware of. People are not overreacting. That's how people are actually that's a hypersensitivity. That's how they're perceiving things. So so Now I'm an adult. 9:42 I could wear what I want. It's not an issue, but I still have problems with lights. I have a lot of problems with sound, a lot of problems. I live on a very, very busy street. We have a business across the street. And for a time, people were leaving their vehicles running, including trucks, 9:57 all the time when they'd go into that business. And I went out and yelled at people. And it did not make me popular in my neighborhood, but I just couldn't stand it. I couldn't stand it. Traffic going back and forth, I got used to, but the idling, I couldn't stand it. People are better now. It works. 10:15 Eventually it works. And also I have noise canceling headphones and I do what I can. I mean, I always have white noise going, but I know I got that reputation in my neighborhood of like being a b***h, but it's not that. It's that it really is painful to people. It really is. And I also feel with hypersensitivities. 10:36 This is my own opinion. I have some intuitive abilities. I've had precognitive dreams. I've had a lot of experiences that I'm going to talk about in my memoir. I almost feel like that's an extension of the hypersensitivities. Hypersensitivities, the physical things, I feel like it extends into the energetic. I really do. 10:56 And hyposensitivity, that could be a tolerance to pain, for example. Even though I'm super hypersensitive, about certain things, I've got a fair pain tolerance. So it's kind of an interesting thing. So with hypersensitivity, I gave myself a 7. With hypo, I gave myself a 3. Pattern recognition, I gave myself a six because I'm not a genius. 11:20 I'm not spotting patterns nobody else could see. But I do tend to put things together. I'm not in a mastermind kind of way, but I put things together. I notice things. Part of it, I think, is detail, being detail oriented. Part of it is pattern recognition. I notice things that a lot of other people don't notice. 11:39 And that could come in very helpful for certain activities. It's good for like literary analysis. It's good with writing. It's good for spotting synchronicities. It's good for interpreting dreams. It's good for studying anything, but especially studying mythology. It has a lot of benefits. And for some people who are extremely intelligent, 11:59 that could give themselves a 10 in this, it can help make significant contributions to society. Pattern recognition, it's a big thing. Emotional intensity was another one I did. And I gave myself an eight on that. I'm not sure if that's really accurate anymore. I think that's probably part of sensitivity, general sensitivity. Meltdowns aren't simply emotional intensity, 12:23 but it's certainly emotional intensity plays a part. It's just trauma. Like a lot of people who are autistic have trauma histories. I mean, they may have been subject to exploitation. They may also have been bullied. They may have had experiences all through their life of being traumatized and just 12:42 being different is a little bit traumatic in and of itself. So I think trauma definitely can play a part in emotional intensity because if you get triggered with something, odds are you're going to feel intense. So in communication, which we talked about a little already, but I think that that is a big thing for me. 13:06 And it impacts relationships, it overlaps kids, therapy, friendships. life it's it's definitely impactful however I kind of feel like I personally don't want to be part of the negative kind of spin on autism because I I like my communication style I I write I express myself through writing or through one-sided 13:32 things like this podcast and I I my Receptive communication is different too. I receive information differently. I receive a lot of information through studying and reading, which there's an intuitive aspect and a pattern recognition aspect that comes into that. So it kind of all mixes up together. But I think I gave myself probably like, I closed it, 13:55 but I think I gave myself like a seven on communication because I don't necessarily feel... I don't necessarily feel that I'm terribly, terribly challenged in communication. I'm just different in communication. And I think that's true of all these things. You could flip all of them. And I feel like people, I like to see people do that more. 14:15 Because I feel... It's easy to feel bad about yourself and about your life. And it is difficult. I mean, I'm not saying it's not difficult. My life, I'm writing this memoir. If you read it, you'll see my life got pretty grim in a few spots. But I think we have to see that we're different for a reason. 14:37 And I think it's important difference. And I think there have been a lot of contributions made to society by autistic people. And one of the reasons for it is because of these different traits, these different ways of interacting with reality have a lot to do with that, in my opinion. 14:55 So, um, repetitive motor, I scored real low in that. I mean, I have a tiny bit of that, but I scored low in that. And also in echolalia, I scored low and the echolalia, like I gave myself a one. I probably maybe should have gave myself a zero, but then I thought I do have this repetition thing. 15:14 Like in writing, I have this thing in writing and One of many problems I have with writing, not problems, differences I have with writing that are autism-related, is it's very hard for me to refrain from saying something three times. If I say it twice, it's very hard for me to not say it three times. 15:36 Sometimes that's kind of poetic. Sometimes it's just stupid, but it's something I do. The other thing, executive function, I gave myself a seventh. But that, again, is related to the hyperfixations to a large degree. Because if you're writing 12 hours a day, you're not going to get a whole lot done. And if you can't, and also transitions. 15:58 I gave myself eight on that because it's very hard for me to stop an activity, a special interest activity, whether it's reading, whether it's media, whether it's writing. It's extraordinarily hard for me to stop. And I do. I'm much better than I used to be. 16:15 I mean, we have dinner at a different time every night, but we have dinner. And that's like huge for me. It's like a huge victory that I could stop and make dinner. And sometimes somebody has to come get me, but I can do it. And that's big for me. And it's very hard. 16:32 And that too can really interfere with your life. I mean, it can make you late. It can make you neglect things. it could just cause all kinds of problems really. But the thing is with this, is it a problem because we're a problem or is it because our society is set up 16:50 obviously for neurotypical people who function in neurotypical ways. So it's not, it's not geared towards, it's not geared towards autistic people. So there's always going to be that, that disconnect, that problem, that clash, that, way that things just don't quite align. That's why I don't like to think of it as deficits, 17:13 because I think part of it is just we're trying to fit into a paradigm that doesn't really suit us. And if we were the predominant neurotype, which who knows, maybe someday we will be. Some people think that. I don't know about that, but it's an interesting idea. And I think autism and autistic traits are valuable, 17:35 whether they're valuable as an evolution of consciousness, debatable, whether they're valuable as an outlier perspective that contributes greatly to society. I think Definitely, I think definitely that's true. And like all these things that people say that are negatives, they're not actually negatives, they're deviations from the norm. And the more we understand the specific characteristics, 18:02 and the walls we run into in dealing with, quote, normal society, the easier it is for us to reframe some of the stuff. And it's not really just about feeling good about yourself. It's about being the person you're meant to be like if you if you could see some of these 18:20 things like I see my hyper fixation as a strength does it mean I can't have a quote normal life with like a husband and a ordinary day job and yeah it does kind of mean that so does it cause me distress yeah it definitely does but I still see it 18:39 as a strength because I feel that's the person I was meant to be And I feel like we all need to do those things that we're put here to do. And I think that our traits and our characteristics are part of that. And I think it's good to look at them through that lens. 18:59 And that's what I try to do now. And I'll talk maybe a little more about that in the next episode. And I'll talk too about how you have to make accommodations and stuff like that too, I think in the next episode, but this is what I wanted to share for here. 19:13 And I will link to this blog post. It's called charting my autistic traits. I'll link to that in the description. You, you might like that. It's real visual. I made these, you can make these great charts with canvas. So of course I did. 19:28 And maybe do your own inventory of traits and look at them and see where you could flip those things and where you could see the advantages and the strengths in it. It doesn't mean you're not going to struggle. We're always going to struggle. It's just a given. But I think the key is that... 19:45 you want to understand why it's worth it i think that's important so that's it for this time i i hope you enjoyed the walk through my autistic traits and i will link to the blog post in the description and next time we'll talk more about 19:59 accommodations and and maybe a few more specifics on this topic so until then this is barbara graver of autistic pov and thank you very much for listening

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In this episode, I discuss my own experience with dysregulation and creativity and share insights from autistic blogger and therapist Karen Sheriff and podcaster and neuropsychologist Dr. Theresa Regan.

The specific media resources mentioned in this episode are:

* The dichotomy of being an autistic creator (Sheriff)

* Powerful Self-Care: Awareness of the Internal (Reagan)

To read about the changes I made as a direct result of my dysregulation event please see:

The resource I mentioned in the podcast is:

SarahCook.substack.com/p/for-the-birds-radical-empathy

This is an excellent article and a really good Substack to follow.

You can also follow my Substack if you're so inclined at:

BarbaraGraver.substack.com

If you like my content, please follow the podcast!

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Join me for a discussion of how autistic traits like hyper-sensitivity, hyper-connectivity and pattern recognition might relate to psychic abilities.

The blog post and autism trait charts I mentioned in the video can be found on my blog at:

Charting My Autistic Traits

Barbara Graver May 9

A Constellation of Traits | A Constellation of Traits | To me, the idea of a linear autism spectrum was always a little confusing. Recently however while talking about varying degrees of psychic ability in the autistic...

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A connection between autism and telepathy has been reported by the families of some nonverbal autistic people. As a late-diagnosed autistic this interests me because intuition has been a guiding force in my life.

Like all many areas of parapsychology, more research is needed, but I think it’s a topic worth discussing.

In this episode I talk about my own person experience, what other people have to say, the idea of psychic ability as a spectrum trait and a bit about parapsychology (from what I have learned at the Rhine Institute).

This is my first time talking about this topic, I’m going to be talking about it more in the next couple of podcasts!

Resources for this episode include:

* Autism and the God Connection by William Stillman

* The Telepathy Tapes Podcast (

https://thetelepathytapes.com/

* The Rhine Institute (https://www.rhineonline.org/what-is-parapsychology)

* Dr. Diane Hennacy/Powell (https://drdianehennacy.com/telepathy/)

* Psychology Today article on the Telepathy Tapes by Jeff Tarant PhD (https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/choosing-your-meditation-style/202503/science-skepticism-and-the-telepathy-tapes)

Dr. Hennacy/Powell's Response to Jonathan Jarry (https://thetelepathytapes.com/dr-powell-defense)

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Thank you for listening!

If you like this content please follow and / or share!

You can get all my media and articles for free via my newsletter:  BarbaraGraver.substack.com

Post quoted in the article: "Why classic therapies don't work for autistic people?" by Pascale Larivierre

Workbook mentioned in the article "The Unmasking Workbook for Autistic Adults" by Jessica Penot, LPC-S

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Having said that, please note—these are my own personal perks. Not all autistic writers will have the same experience and I would love to hear any differences that might pop up on your list!

Also, please note, these are interpersonal benefits that have nothing to do with building a business or making money.   

Check out my blog  at barbaragraver.substack.com. You can read the blog without signing up for the free subscription, but if you subscribe, you'll get articles and media via email PLUS updates on my vampire novel (including discounts and freebies)

If you like this content, please consider subscribing, liking, commenting or sharing—or all of the above!

And thank you for listening!!!

UPDATE: Regarding the blog name change. It seemed confusing to have the blog and podcast share a name, so I changed the blog name to Writing on the Spectrum!

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I also chat about my substack blog, my special interest blog and other resources. I promised to provide links these, so here they are:

Metaphysical blog (special interest blog) MysticReview.com

Substack blog (some special interest posts plus autism podcast episodes and articles) BarbaraGraver.substack.com

My article Autism and the Narrative Process (barbaragraver.substack.com/p/autism-and-the-narrative-process) touches on Julie Brown's book Writers on the Spectrum. The book is more geared toward fiction, but I found it helpful. 

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Just as interesting, in my opinion, the theme of finding our true autistic calling is central to each of these books. All of the books featured are available in ebook. They are:

* Xandri Corelel Series by Kaia Sønderby : 0. Testing Pandora, 1. Failure to Communicate, 2. Tone of Voice

* Drama Queen by Sara Gibbs

* Label Me by Francesca Baird

* U Don’t Seem Autistic by Kathleen Schubert

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Psychological Benefits of Free Writing.

Therapeutic Journaling PDF

I also referred to Expressive Writing by James W. Pennebaker and John Frank Evans. And Tony Attwood's book The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome. Both should be available from your local library or elsewhere via interlibrary loan. 

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If you need closed captioned and / or transcripts please check out the show on my blog Writing on the Spectrum at barbaragraver.substack.com

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