Autohetero Files

ep38— Edison

phil illy — Sat, 10 Jan 2026 18:00:00 GMT

Edison is a trans man interested in historical figures and the history of science. He has been hormonally transitioning for over a year and is pursuing a master's degree in historical subjects.

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ep37— Lopori

phil illy — Sat, 31 May 2025 18:11:00 GMT

Lopori is a bonobo therian. As a child, she would sometimes pretend to be a caveman. During adolescence, her penchant for apeness developed into fascination with primates and she desired to be one herself, a process which ultimately culminated in bonobo identity.

Lopori administered a survey on alterhumanity and sexuality to the otherkin and therian communities, which was indispensable for the otherkin chapter of my book. She was kind enough to join me for this conversation to share about her transspecies experiences, thoughts on nonhuman identity, and results from her survey.

Note: we had some technical difficulties, so the sound is a bit wonky on this one and there may be some discontinuities.

Alterhumanity and Sexuality Survey, results: https://www.tumblr.com/goddamnitlopori/639799806560239616/alterhumanity-and-sexuality-survey-the-results

YouTube

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ep36— River

phil illy — Fri, 11 Apr 2025 18:11:00 GMT

River is autogynephilic and about to embark on the path of gender transition. They have come out to several people as autogynephilic, and hope for greater understanding and acceptance of autogynephilia and transness.

YouTube

🌐: https://www.autoheterosexual.com

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ep35— Curious

phil illy — Fri, 21 Feb 2025 19:11:00 GMT

Curious is autogynephilic, but spent way too long searching for the answer for why he wanted to embody femininity yet not finding accurate information. He wants gender discourse to become more moderate, and for information about autogynephilia to be more widely available so that other AGPs won't have to deal with as much confusion about their feelings.

Watch on YouTube

_______________

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ep34— JJ

phil illy — Fri, 14 Feb 2025 19:11:00 GMT

JJ is an autoandrophilic detransitioner. She likes being muscular, has a penchant for male-male romance, and likes gaming with the guys. Her gender dysphoria started once she was exposured to trans men on Livejournal. After buying into the mainstream trans framework, she concluded that her desire to be a man meant she was probably trans and she transitioned as a result.

During transition, JJ found that the pressure of passing worsened her dysphoria. She detransitioned after having a psychotic break and going on anti-psychotic medication, which eliminated her propensity for daydreaming of being a man. She has become reconciled to being female and does not experience dysphoria anymore.

_______________

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ep33— Lauren

phil illy — Fri, 07 Feb 2025 19:11:00 GMT

Lauren is an autogynephilic detransitioner. He experienced significant autoandrophobia from age 5 and ultimately transitioned DIY-style around age 17, yet after about a decade chose to detransition following a change in values and priorities. His desire to reproduce and make a positive long-term contribution precipitated his decision to detransition.

Lauren has been partnered to a trans man for 4 years - married for 2 years - and they are now undergoing IVF to have biological kids together. Their relationship faced significant hardships during Lauren's mindset shifts, detransition, and emergent desire to have kids - but they've remained together and even gotten closer.

Lauren's YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/@unreadlibrarian

𝕏: https://x.com/unreadlibraries

Watch On YouTube

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ep32— Jackie

phil illy — Fri, 31 Jan 2025 19:11:00 GMT

Jackie is an autosexual transsexual (MTF) who is analloerotic-leaning. Her autoandrophobia surfaced at 12. She began social transition at 15 and medical transition at 18. She is currently 21 and studying computer science at university.

An article that came up during discussion, "Not Like Other Boys"— https://anneonymousa.substack.com/p/not-like-other-boys

Watch on YouTube

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ep31— Sasha

phil illy — Sat, 25 Jan 2025 19:11:00 GMT

Sasha is autogynephilic and Christian. She has a penchant for ancient biblical languages and is trying to navigate how to integrate her desires for feminine embodiment into her life.

Audio: https://www.autoheterosexual.com/p/ep31-sasha

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ep30— Taftaj

phil illy — Fri, 17 Jan 2025 19:11:00 GMT

Taftaj is a trans woman of autogynephilic etiology. She was a pediatric transitioner, and although over the years she has gone back and forth on whether that was a good idea, she is satisfied with her decision to transition. Taftaj talks about transness in a realistic and thoughtful way, so I was especially glad to have her on the show.

Watch on YouTube

𝕏— https://x.com/tafphorisms 'The Tragedy of Female Identification'

Essay, 'The Tragedy of Female Identification'— https://x.com/tafphorisms/status/1870254059388571676

Taf's appearance on Boyce

Dollcast— https://www.youtube.com/@Dollcast-r8n

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ep29— Laura Becker

phil illy — Fri, 10 Jan 2025 19:11:00 GMT

Laura Becker is female detransitioner whose transition was partly motivated by autoandrophilia. She transitioned young, at age 19, but found that it further destabilized her mental well-being. After detransitioning, she finally began to make progress on her mental health and flourish.

Laura has been a detransitioner advocate for several years and is the author of the upcoming memoir, Surviving The Trans Myth: A Memoir of Detransition. Less importantly, she was the person beside me in the picture that triggered the blue dress controversy.

𝕏: https://x.com/LauraBeckerReal

Audio: https://www.autoheterosexual.com/p/ep29-laura-becker

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ep28— Frankie

phil illy — Sat, 04 Jan 2025 19:11:00 GMT

Frankie (aka Syd Sixx) is an autoandrophilic trans man. He met hundreds of trans men in his years of doing sex work, and he was kind enough to share some of what he witnessed. He thinks autoandrophilia is common among FTMs and that other trans men may benefit from understanding it.

𝕏: https://x.com/frankie_dykeman

YouTube

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ep27— Jeanne

phil illy — Sun, 29 Dec 2024 19:11:00 GMT

Jeanne is an autosexual trans woman. She had a particularly early onset of autogynephilia, and near the end of puberty her gender dysphoria worsened. She began medically transitioning a couple years ago and is quite confident that transitioning was the right choice for her. In this chatty conversation we bounced among various gender-related topics such as gender criticals, how self-aware AGPs are treated by the mainstream transgender crowd, and what the policy aims of the transgender movement should be. Jeanne is hopeful about what the future holds for transgender people.

YouTube

𝕏: https://x.com/jeannestradiol

__________________

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ep26— Barefooter

phil illy — Sun, 22 Dec 2024 19:11:00 GMT

Barefooter is a Christian priest. He is also autogynephilic, and has extensive experience with immersive daydreams of various feminine personas. In recent years he has made a more extensive effort to integrate his male and female sides and become more thoroughly embodied.

Audio: https://www.autoheterosexual.com/p/ep26-barefooter

_____________

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ep25— Schyler

phil illy — Sun, 15 Dec 2024 19:11:00 GMT

Schyler is a trans woman of autosexual etiology. She grew up in a religious household. In childhood, she dreamed of being a girl and wished to be one. With the onset of puberty, her cross-gender ideation got a bit more spicy. As her gender issues progressed in college, she began going out crossdressed as a woman. Now she has a wife, many cats, and is quite happy with her decision to transition. In addition to talking about her personal experience, we also talked about the Genspect conference, the fallout afterward, and gender criticals.

I met Schyler at the Genspect conference in Denver last year, and I've wanted to have her on my channel for quite some time now. She's one of the most reasonable autosexual transsexuals out there.

Watch on YouTube

See more from Schyler:

𝕏: https://x.com/schylerspace Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/ @schylerspace

Schyler’s appearance on Benjamin Boyce’s Calmversations

Life story and transition video compilation

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ep23— Mr. Moon

phil illy — Sun, 24 Nov 2024 19:11:00 GMT

Mr. Moon is a young AGP who has grown up in a post-social-media world. He first socially transitioned at 14 and has desisted from it a couple times. He originally thought of AGPs as people who were giving trans a bad name, but after resonating with more nuanced portrayals of autogynephilia, he realized he fit in that category. He has come to terms with being autogynephilic and is trying to figure out which path forward is suitable for him.

YouTube

Interview with @TruthfulTranssexual

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ep22— Krystal

phil illy — Sun, 17 Nov 2024 19:11:00 GMT

Krystal is autogynephilic, but wasn't always at peace with this side of herself. For years, she went through binge and purge cycles that involved secretive crossdressing. As the internal tension built up, she decided that she needed to change her approach and stop being secretive. She came out to her wife, began engaging in more open gender exploration, and decided to socially and medically transition. A couple years into this more open lifestyle, she continues to be satisfied with her decision to try transitioning.

YouTube

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ep21— Dakota

phil illy — Sun, 10 Nov 2024 19:11:00 GMT

Dakota is an autogynephilic transsexual. She is a few years into transition and currently studying psychology in college. She transitioned due to what she calls "autoandrophobia" (revulsion to one's male sex traits), a construct she prefers over "gender dysphoria".

Dakota became uncommonly knowledgeable about autogynephilia after reading all the relevant autogynephilia studies several times. She also has a keen eye for spotting autoandrophilia in females, and has put a lot of thought into comparing AAP with AGP.

This one is longer than usual. I knew Dakota would have a lot of insight to share about the psychology of autoheterosexuality, and I wanted y'all to hear her perspective. She also has a Substack with some essays on transgenderism. In particular, I highly recommend reading her "Transgenderism as individual psychopathology" article, which is linked below.

𝕏: https://x.com/anne__onymous_

Dakota's Essays:

Transgenderism as individual psychopathology— https://anneonymousa.substack.com/p/transgenderism-as-individual-psychopathology

Not Like Other Boys— https://anneonymousa.substack.com/p/not-like-other-boys

____________________

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ep20— Jack

phil illy — Sun, 03 Nov 2024 19:11:00 GMT

Jack is autoandrophilic. He grew up in a Christian environment, had difficulty finding peace as female, and pursued a career as a therapist. He is now transitioning cautiously, one step at a time. As a therapist, he works with many kids on the spectrum. He discussed his approach to handling gender with gender-variant kids and their parents.

____________________

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Autoheterosexual-Attracted-Being-Other-Sex/dp/1544541449/

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ep19— NJada

phil illy — Sun, 27 Oct 2024 18:11:00 GMT

NJada (EN-YAH-DAH) is a detransitioner whose inner gender conflict is likely of autogynephilic etiology. When he transitioned in college, he was welcomed in his feminine persona. But after an LSD experience in which he lucidly felt the difference between him and females, he lost confidence that transition was the correct path and he stopped hormones shortly thereafter. A few years after detransitioning, he had another rough battle with gender dysphoria, but in recent years he's been able to reduce the intensity and frequency of the gender dysphoria he experiences by consciously choosing to face aspects of his maleness head-on.

The Lost Boys

Interview with Boyce

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Join the self-aware autoheterosexual communities on Reddit: https://www.reddit.com/r/askAGP/ https://www.reddit.com/r/autogynephilia https://www.reddit.com/r/autoandrophilia

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ep18— Ulysses

phil illy — Sun, 20 Oct 2024 18:11:00 GMT

Ulysses experiences autism, autoandrophilia, and asexuality. He disliked how others treated him for being a masculine woman and began taking testosterone about a year ago. His name stems from his affinity for Ulysses S Grant, a man whose inner sensitivity was considered feminine back in his day.

_______________

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Join the self-aware autoheterosexual communities on Reddit: https://www.reddit.com/r/askAGP/ https://www.reddit.com/r/autogynephilia https://www.reddit.com/r/autoandrophilia

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ep17— Jamie

phil illy — Sun, 13 Oct 2024 18:11:00 GMT

Jamie is autogynephilic. He is also married and has a son. After a series of repression cycles, he realized that his femininity needed greater expression if he was to remain sane. He is currently trying to figure out the best way forward as he navigates the tension between internal and external pressures. Although he doesn't want to create a 'trans widow' situation, he also doesn't want to recreate the simmering discontent he saw in his father (whom he strongly suspects was autogynephilic).

____________________

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ep16— Jess

phil illy — Sat, 05 Oct 2024 17:00:00 GMT

Jess is a transsexual woman whose dysphoria started before puberty. Afterward it got worse and despite her religious upbringing, dysphoria drove her to pursue gender transition. Her lifelong attraction to men culminated in marriage.

____________________

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🌐: https://www.autoheterosexual.com 𝕏: https://x.com/autogynephil 📞: https://www.autoheterosexual.com/p/speak-with-me 📘: https://www.amazon.com/Autoheterosexual-Attracted-Being-Other-Sex/dp/1544541449/

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ep15— Brianna Wu

phil illy — Sun, 29 Sep 2024 17:00:00 GMT

Brianna Wu dropped by to discuss the importance of trans healthcare. We talked about how good scientific research is needed to improve transgender well-being, and how re-establishing some gatekeeping is necessary to preserve access to medical transition.

Brianna describes her trans experience: YouTube

𝕏: https://x.com/BriannaWu

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ep14— Christopher

phil illy — Wed, 25 Sep 2024 21:30:00 GMT

Christopher is autogynephilic and in the process of thinking through the prospect of gender transition. He had Christian beliefs for much of his life, but his beliefs recently diverged and he has distanced himself from his former social milieu. Newly adrift in a secular world, he is cautiously and rationally tip-toeing into gender expression as means of deciding his path forward.

𝕏: https://x.com/auto_hrt

____________________

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𝕏: https://x.com/autogynephil

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Ep13— Pearl

phil illy — Tue, 24 Sep 2024 21:30:00 GMT

Pearl is an autogynephilic trans woman who began to transition a few years ago. Whenever it came time to make a wish as a child, she'd wish to be a girl. When her former marriage was fading, she followed her curiosity about crossdressing and found the experience to be very emotionally gratifying. However, she primarily experiences the anatomic aspect of wanting to have a woman's body, so she pursued medical transition to change her body in a favorable manner.

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ep12— Sasha Fem Reznov

phil illy — Fri, 20 Sep 2024 22:30:00 GMT

Sasha Fem Reznov is a trans woman whose lived experience fits the clinical profile for an autogynephilic transsexual. At the later stages of puberty, Sasha's loss of androgyny felt like losing themselves. After years of repressing and ignoring that feeling, she first found some solace in cross dressing. She initially identified as nonbinary, but now identifies as a trans woman.

𝕏: https://x.com/ReznovRulz Twitch: https://m.twitch.tv/reznovrulz/home YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@ReznovRulz Discord: .femreznov

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ep11— Hunter Ash

phil illy — Fri, 13 Sep 2024 18:11:00 GMT

Hunter Ash is an autogynephilic detransitioner. Soon into transition, he noticed that many of his trans peers exhibited behavior more typical of their birth sex than their target gender, so he began to suspect something was amiss about the mainstream transgender narrative. He also found it draining to maintain an aesthetic that signaled femaleness to others. After a psychedelic experience led him to reprioritize truth as the highest transcendent value, the unescapable truth of being materially male quickened his journey back to living as a man.

Follow Hunter on 𝕏: https://x.com/ArtemisConsort

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ep10– Trace

phil illy — Wed, 11 Sep 2024 19:00:00 GMT

Trace is an autogynephilic man who chose the life path of marriage and family. Occasional experiences of crossdressing in childhood brought him joy. With the onset of puberty came eroticism, as well as the envy/desire kind of attraction. He was confused about his gender feelings for years, but after learning about autogynephilia he finally had an answer that made sense.

Trace chose to marry and have kids, and he is happy about his decision to do so. Raising a family is meaningful. He currently has a mild hormonal regimen meant to reduce the autogynephilic drive while also avoiding feminization.

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ep09– Alice

phil illy — Tue, 10 Sep 2024 19:00:00 GMT

Alice is autoandrophilic and often gets in touch with her masculine side through mental shifts and vivid daydreams of being various male characters. She found the concept of autoandrophilia to be revelatory and highly explanatory, and fortunately was willing to record a conversation about her experience for this channel.

Watch on Youtube

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ep08– Zack M Davis

phil illy — Mon, 09 Sep 2024 19:00:00 GMT

Zack M. Davis is the writer behind 'The Scintillating But Ultimately Untrue Thought' (http://unremediatedgender.space), a blog about social science and epistemology with an emphasis on autogynephilia and gender issues. He describes how the romantic/non-erotic side of autogynephilia—which he calls his "beautiful pure sacred self-identity thing"—compelled him to alter his handwriting, grow his hair out, and try using a gender-neutral name. Sympathetic to gender egalitarianism, he originally took a blank-slate stance on psychological sex differences, but further reading on the subject brought an end to his denial of psychological sex differences.

For Zack, encountering the concept of autogynephilia was revelatory, but it took many years before he realized its direct connection to being transgender. After he did, he started a blog to talk about autogynephilia, the MtF typology, and related subjects. He quickly realized that many people were not so concerned about the ultimate causes of MtF transgenderism and instead tended to insist that language could be constructed to suit people's preferences. In response, he shifted toward talking about the philosophy of language and why language should carve reality at its joints.

Transcript: http://unremediatedgender.space/2024/Jul/transcript-agp-and-epistemic-despair/ Watch on YouTube

I highly recommend checking out Zack's blog. Some of his best articles are listed here: http://unremediatedgender.space/about/

A few of his other noteworthy posts: Psychology Is About Invalidating People's Identities Don't Negotiate With Terrorist Memeplexes A Beacon Through the Darkness; Or, Getting It Right the First Time The Categories Were Made for Man to Make Predictions Unnatural Categories Are Optimized for Deception Blanchard's Dangerous Idea and the Plight of the Lucid Crossdreamer

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ep07– Courtney Coulson

phil illy — Sun, 08 Sep 2024 19:00:00 GMT

Courtney Coulson is a FTMTF detransitioner of autoandrophilic etiology. On her YouTube channel (@CourtneyCoulson), she catalogues her journey to understand herself and improve her life—or as she often puts it: "on this channel we try to figure out what the hell is wrong with me". I enjoyed Courtney's sense of humor and unapologetic disposition in this conversation, and I think you will too.

Watch on YouTube

Courtney’s 'Autoandrophilia' video

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ep06— Naxelas

phil illy — Sat, 07 Sep 2024 19:00:00 GMT

Naxelas is working toward a neuroscience PhD. He is also autogynephilic. Like me, he thinks knowledge of autogynephilia can help people with this orientation understand themselves and better estimate whether they'd benefit from gender transition. He shared some of his own personal experience with autogynephilia, but for the most part our discussion jumped across many adjacent topics such as:

* Differentiating between "is" and "ought" in conversations about paraphilias

* Thinking of sexed traits not in one dimension as masculine-feminine but as two dimensions: 1) masculinization vs demasculinization and 2) feminization vs defeminization

* Demographic overlap between autism and autogynephilia

* How understanding autogynephilia can help AGPs have greater capacity to steer the trajectory of their gender development

* The relative contributions of nature and nurture to autogynephilia - Shame and whether it is productive

* Why NoFap is a terrible way to try to manage autogynephilia

* The importance of treating the prospect of transition differently between FTMs and MTFs rather than treating "trans" as one thing

* Removing mysticism from the subject of gender identity

Watch on YouTube

Are you autoheterosexual? Want to add your story to the collection?

Reach out and let me know (email: autoheterosexual at gmail, Reddit: u/gockstar, Twitter: @autogynephil)

Get full access to Understanding Trans at www.autoheterosexual.com/subscribe

ep05— Aaron Terrell

phil illy and Aaron Terrell — Fri, 06 Sep 2024 19:00:00 GMT

Aaron Terrell is a FTM transsexual who is an outspoken proponent of understanding transgender etiologies. He previously interviewed me for the Transparency Podcast @TransparencyPodcast1 that he co-hosted for several years. In this conversation, we talked about some of his experience with autoandrophilia, why sexologists back in the day may not have noticed AAP in FTM patients, and the lesbian to gay trans man pipeline. We also discussed the blue dress controversy and the gender critical movement's inability to speak straightforwardly about transgender etiologies.

@elegationvain

𝕏: https://x.com/elegationvain

The Man in Me https://aaronterrell.substack.com/p/the-man-in-me

How Early Psychologists Got Female Gender Dysphoria Wrong https://aaronterrell.substack.com/p/how-early-psychologists-got-female

What’s Going on with the Boys? https://aaronterrell.substack.com/p/whats-going-on-with-the-boys-ac6

The Navel Gays (new podcast where Aaron and his friend Tali talk about autosexuality)

Get full access to Understanding Trans at www.autoheterosexual.com/subscribe

ep04— Ashley

phil illy — Thu, 05 Sep 2024 19:00:00 GMT

An Aussie named Ashley spoke with me about her experience with autoandrophilia. She spoke about homoerotic media (yaoi), meta-attraction, mental shifts, transvestism, gender dysphoria/euphoria, gender envy. We also discussed the importance of autoheterosexuals knowing about their orientation so that transitioning isn't the only option they're aware of, the cyclical nature of the wish to transition, and accepting that you can't control how other people see you. There were many good nuggets in this 2-hour conversation.

Watch on YouTube

Are you autoheterosexual? Want to add your story to the collection?

Reach out and let me know (email: autoheterosexual at gmail, Reddit: u/gockstar, Twitter: @autogynephil)

Get full access to Understanding Trans at www.autoheterosexual.com/subscribe

ep03— Ray Williams

phil illy and Ray Alex Williams — Wed, 04 Sep 2024 19:00:00 GMT

Ray Williams (@RayAlexWilliams) is an autogynephilic MTFTM detransitioner who was socially and medically transitioned for 8 years. After reading my book, he decided to detransition and seek other ways of managing his autogynephilia. He quickly become a prolific contributor to transgender discourse by publishing several videos every week. Although some detail his personal experience, he typically focuses on the philosophical, political, and ethical aspects of transgenderism — a pattern which recurred in this conversation.

Watch on YouTube

Are you autoheterosexual? Want to add your story to the collection?

Reach out and let me know (email: autoheterosexual at gmail, Reddit: u/gockstar, Twitter: @autogynephil)

Get full access to Understanding Trans at www.autoheterosexual.com/subscribe

Ep02— Laura Reynolds

phil illy — Tue, 03 Sep 2024 19:00:00 GMT

I sat down with Laura Reynolds to talk about her experience with autoandrophilia. She was the first autoandrophilic female I had a conversation with, and this ultimately led me down the path to including autoandrophilia in my book as the female equivalent of male autogynephilia. Laura has been through a lot because of autoandrophilia. She crossed America to pursue FTM transition long before it was trendy, and then detransitioned after a surgeon botched her mastectomy. After years of confusion over her sexuality, she realized she was autoandrophilic and finally understood what drove her to transition. Partly motivated by a desire to alleviate pain a connective tissue disorder, she went back on testosterone in recent years, so in a hormonal sense, she is FTMTFTM. We had much less time to record than it would take to fully cover her lengthy story, so hopefully I'll get her back on the channel in the future.

A couple of Laura's prior interviews:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4DOUcpFxKKw

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VtYqh_zPr-Y

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ep01— Fell

phil illy — Mon, 02 Sep 2024 19:36:22 GMT

There aren't many videos out there in which autoheterosexuals discuss their experiences in terms of autoandrophilia or autogynephilia. To increase our visibility, I wanted to start recording some conversations with autoheterosexuals so that others out there can relate and feel less alone in their experience of gender and sexuality.

The first video in this series is with Fell, an autoandrophilic female. She has a lifetime of experience with autoandrophilia and is uncommonly open and unashamed when talking about it. We talked about her childhood experiences of dressing like masculine role models, how her autoandrophilia ramped up in adolescence, how it manifests in sexual fantasies, and other experiences related to autoandrophilia. I applaud Fell for embodying the masculine virtue of courage by being willing to speak openly about her experiences. As more autoheterosexuals come out, it'll take less courage—but until then, at least we have people like Fell to show the way.

Get full access to Understanding Trans at www.autoheterosexual.com/subscribe